discussion is it wrong to date multiple people at once? (no exclusivity yet)

[Asscatchem]

if youre not official/exclusive with someone yet and the pace is kind of slow is it wrong to date other people to get a better sense of what you want?

 

if it comes up is it a good idea to tell them youre seeing other people on top of them? or is it expected for dating if a deal isnt closed yet?

 

part of me wonders if they'll up their game/try harder if they really wanted you knowing that you may not be available to them soon

 

 

[Illuminati]

Major red flag, android user behavior

[vale9001]

If you wrote a relationship is "not exclusive" isn't the answer in the question?.

Edited January 11 by vale9001

[EtherealCat]

as long as you arent doing that to iphone users

[Garbaj]

NO!! i explain this to my girlfriends lol (my friends who are girls); my gram used to tell me when i was younger, that when you "date" you're "dating" which means you have the right to date/talk to multiple people if you want. now if you're exclusive... that's a different scenario. i see nothing wrong with trying new things; there's nothing wrong with seeing what you like at whatever point you're at in your life.

[Asscatchem]

13 minutes ago, Illuminati said:

Major red flag, android user behavior

Because dating and getting to know someone takes a long time in our busy lives nowadays. I view this as starting off as "friends" and if things get really serious I probably will stop seeing other people. But when starting off you just want to learn more about them and are not 100% sure on anything and all I want is to see if it develops into anything as time goes on or if you uncover a red flag that becomes a dealbreaker. 

[LoveInStereo]

Dating multiple ppl is fine if you’re not exclusive & you’ve had that convo but it’s just polite to be discrete about the details surrounding it. Telling someone you’re seeing other people hoping to motivate them to change their behaviour is game playing & manipulative. It’s dating, not contract negotiations for a salary

[The Man Who]

If you’re starting to get to know somebody in hopes it’ll lead to a relationship, then I don’t get why you’d want to be talking with other people. That would feel like a major red flag to me as it’d make me feel like they had commitment issues. 
 

I don’t think going on multiple dates is wrong, but if you’re still in contact with one of those people you dated, there’s obviously something there, so why would you still be going on dates at that point? It makes you seem like a f-boy. 
 

 

[HEAVYONIT]

Wait, isn't dating when you're official with someone? If you're dating someone, you shouldn't be seeing other people unless you have some sort of open agreement about it with your partner.

 

Now, if you're just talking to someone, then I don't see as much of a problem in talking to other people, depending on how serious into that "talking" stage you are. 

[Pheromosa]

how can you be so clueless on this but so knowledgeable on iphone vs android nonsense? 

[Breathe On Moi]

5 minutes ago, Garbaj said:

NO!! i explain this to my girlfriends lol (my friends who are girls); my gram used to tell me when i was younger, that when you "date" you're "dating" which means you have the right to date/talk to multiple people if you want. now if you're exclusive... that's a different scenario. i see nothing wrong with trying new things; there's nothing wrong with seeing what you like at whatever point you're at in your life.

this is super cute and sweet and super straight, but the gays live in a Grindr world……where they think getting raw dogged by strangers is totally fine because they’re just “dating” around, so, your poor gram would be mortified. 

[Asscatchem]

1 minute ago, LoveInStereo said:

Dating multiple ppl is fine if you’re not exclusive & you’ve had that convo but it’s just polite to be discrete about the details surrounding it. Telling someone you’re seeing other people hoping to motivate them to change their behaviour is game playing & manipulative. It’s dating, not contract negotiations for a salary

This is reasonable and the contract negotiation analogy is great. Thank you.

 

2 minutes ago, The Man Who said:

If you’re starting to get to know somebody in hopes it’ll lead to a relationship, then I don’t get why you’d want to be talking with other people. That would feel like a major red flag to me as it’d make me feel like they had commitment issues. 
 

I don’t think going on multiple dates is wrong, but if you’re still in contact with one of those people you dated, there’s obviously something there, so why would you still be going on dates at that point? It makes you seem like a f-boy. 

Because even though I am hopeful something will develop, it doesn't mean I'm serious with them yet, and I can't be serious until I really have gotten to know them which takes time.

[Pendulum]

4 minutes ago, HEAVYONIT said:

Wait, isn't dating when you're official with someone? If you're dating someone, you shouldn't be seeing other people unless you have some sort of open agreement about it with your partner.

 

Now, if you're just talking to someone, then I don't see as much of a problem in talking to other people, depending on how serious into that "talking" stage you are. 

I feel like "dating" is more perceived as a mutual situationship these days, or a less-dirty name for "exclusive" FWB. Basically a relationship without the responsibility of a relationship. I hate that

[Asscatchem]

3 minutes ago, HEAVYONIT said:

Wait, isn't dating when you're official with someone? If you're dating someone, you shouldn't be seeing other people unless you have some sort of open agreement about it with your partner.

 

Now, if you're just talking to someone, then I don't see as much of a problem in talking to other people, depending on how serious into that "talking" stage you are. 

Idk I thought just doing on dates meant you're dating. Dating exclusively is a better term you're referring to I think.

 

4 minutes ago, Pheromosa said:

how can you be so clueless on this but so knowledgeable on iphone vs android nonsense? 

So what's your answer sis?
 

 

[The Man Who]

Just now, Asscatchem said:

Because even though I am hopeful something will develop, it doesn't mean I'm serious with them yet, and I can't be serious until I really have gotten to know them which takes time.

Obviously you have to get to know somebody first, but isn’t that what dating is? If I went on a date with somebody and we both wanted to keep in contact and go on more dates, that shows there’s some sort of ‘spark’ there. Personally speaking, if I then found out that person was also dating other people, I’d have to cut ties with them as it would make me feel like they have commitment issues and would ultimately cheat on me if we did become exclusive. 

The best thing to do is to be open with the other person on what you want because they might not care if you’re also seeing other people and you could find out they’re also doing the same thing, it’s just not for me. 

 

[West Coast]

Yes but that won’t stop me

 

[feelslikeadream]

Sometimes I read threads on here and remember the user base skews younger and/or more conservative than I think 

 

Anyway, there's a reason that, since the dawn of time, two people who are casually dating but really like each other have a convo in which they agree to be exclusive. The assumption is that people are not exclusive after a single date, and if y'all think it is, you're gonna feel (falsely) betrayed when you're out there dating adults 

[Badgalbriel]

24 minutes ago, Asscatchem said:

This is reasonable and the contract negotiation analogy is great. Thank you.

 

Because even though I am hopeful something will develop, it doesn't mean I'm serious with them yet, and I can't be serious until I really have gotten to know them which takes time.

But are you that needy of dick thar you need to engage with other people? I just can't understand that. I don't have the time to manage one person, imagine managing 2, 3 relationships. 

[Asscatchem]

16 minutes ago, The Man Who said:

Obviously you have to get to know somebody first, but isn’t that what dating is? If I went on a date with somebody and we both wanted to keep in contact and go on more dates, that shows there’s some sort of ‘spark’ there. Personally speaking, if I then found out that person was also dating other people, I’d have to cut ties with them as it would make me feel like they have commitment issues and would ultimately cheat on me if we did become exclusive. 

The best thing to do is to be open with the other person on what you want because they might not care if you’re also seeing other people and you could find out they’re also doing the same thing, it’s just not for me. 

 

There's always a spark but I still don't think that alone reasonably a good enough reason to feel mentally married until you truly get to know them over a bit more time... maybe that's just my point of view.

[Comedor]

I think it’s fine but it shouldn’t be a secret to the guys you are seeing, if you are going to be a *****, be a proud one.

 

And good job on the time management.
 

 

[Asscatchem]

2 minutes ago, Badgalbriel said:

But are you that needy of dick thar you need to engage with other people? I just can't understand that. I don't have the time to manage one person, imagine managing 2, 3 relationships. 

Exactly. We're all busy people, how can you expect to just invest all your time into one other busy person if they haven't talked about exclusivity yet?

[Beyondslay]

No hunnie get your Samantha Jones onnn! 

 

[ugo]

As long as you’re open about it yes idk what’s that thread is about it seems to be common sense to me 

[Asscatchem]

Just now, ugo said:

As long as you’re open about it yes idk what’s that thread is about it seems to be common sense to me 

That was my question in the OP too, is it a good idea to tell them that you're seeing other people? I kind of want to in order to let them know that they're not just dating someone who wants to be in a relationship but rather someone who's looking for the right person.

[SinnerCity]

That’s an android user problem I fear. Can’t relate