discussion TW: Trans woman cries because men rejects her

[Distantconstellation]

you cant force someone or a group of people to like you. Its like if every atrler here started crying because no jocks wanna talk to them. Some guys are just not into trans chicks and you cant change that. The good news is that many of them are, even if its just for a hookup and on the DL but they are definitely out there.

[John Slayne]

In my opinion as a society we do produce a lot of stigma and transphobia, so yes these struggles and rejections are an extension of that and I would question any person that does not want to date someone solely on the basis that they're trans WHY they feel this way. 

 

Clearly these men are attracted to her (based on what's said in the OP) so attraction is not an issue here. They are probably just afraid of being seen as 'gay' by their transphobic peers and family and are too cowardly to own their attraction to her. Or they are just flat out transphobic themselves. I'm not sure if labelling these men as 'transphobic' is helpful though, but the whole situation she's in IS problematic and she's understandably frustrated that men who ARE attracted to her won't give her a chance because the society made her an outcast for no good reason.

 

At the end of the day, yes, men don't owe you anything and people can date whoever they want. However, imagine if you were constantly rejected on the basis that you have brown eyes for example. Like sure, nobody HAS to is required to date you, but it would wear you down being constantly told you're undesirable because of a characteristic you can't really influence and is not even that important at the end of the day (I know you'll say being trans is a big deal, but mind you that these are men that already like and/or are attracted to her, so the issue is clearly not with her physique or her personality).

 

On 12/30/2023 at 10:05 PM, Strawberry Bubble said:

I don't think that not deciding to date trans people is transphobic. But, can someone explain to me why they also believe this? Like, what are the valid reasons for people to say "I don't feel sexually attracted to you once I find out you are trans". 

 

Again, this is not me judging, I just want to hear more opinions and valid reasons to justify and understand my own intuitions. 

 

I do think it is valid that, for example, a gay person is not turned on by trans men because they don't have dicks, but this also can change through surgery. So, what are your opinions on it?

I think you're on the right track here. A lot of things about our sexuality are not biological, but also social and relational. If someone is attracted to a trans person and they're post-op so satisfy all requirements sexually, why would they reject them? At the end of the day it's their prerogative, but I do wish people would be a bit more introspective and try to understand WHY they feel certain things and what is actually stopping them from doing certain things rather than being lazy and treating trans people as an afterthought.