discussion TW: Trans woman cries because men rejects her

[shyboi]

This is a very serious topic so let's be respectful. 

 

In the video, this beautiful woman shares her story about how men lust over her but as soon as she tells them that she is a trans woman they cancel dates or are no longer interested 

 

She broke into tears because apparently this is something that keeps happening to her. 

 

 

This is so sad! 

 

 

Are men that refuse to date transwomen, transphobic? 

Edited December 30, 2023 by shyboi

[Cheers]

She's beautiful and I'm sorry she's going through that. She will find a man - it wont be easy but it will happen. 

But no, it's not transphobic.

[glitch]

Not sure what the specifics of she's saying are (since I don't speak the language) but I think it's completely normal to be upset at continued rejection, so I do empathise with her.

 

It's not transphobic to not want to date trans people. I think if you're initially attracted to someone and discovering they are trans is the deal breaker for you, then you should think about why that is. I think there are valid reasons as to why you might feel that way but there's no harm in doing some introspection when it comes to our dating preferences (or just our interpersonal relationships in general).

 

What I will say is date who you want to date but don't go around telling people how you don't find them attractive because of XYZ. It's unnecessary and you're assuming that everyone wants to date you. Just leave those people alone and date other people.

Edited December 30, 2023 by glitch

[Erotic]

Obviously that is a very sad scenario to find yourself in, but sadly in this world,

you must accept yourself to the deepest level of your core,

in order to not allow others’ rejection affect your wellbeing

 

easier said than done, but it’s such a beautiful feeling when you stop caring about finding “love” in others

[jadeabove]

I can't even imagine what kind of defense mechanism you must develop to survive in that sort of dating landscape. I feel for her and for her struggle, and for all struggles trans people face on a daily basis. 

[Into The Void]

I stopped looking because I kept getting rejected. I'm a cis gay man but hey the gays are so shallow

[Illuminati]

It depends on a situation but I'd say there is a difference between transphobic rage and being turned down because they don't find you sexually compatible. I think a lot of trans people would rather find someone compatible than be with someone who's put off by it anyway. That extends to things beyond just being trans, I'm sure she wouldn't date just anyone either.

 

It must be very hurtful though, as she probably gets a lot of attention from the wrong people only to be let down.

[Take Me Apart]

I mean didn’t she consider this when she decided to transition ?

[LadyDiana]

I feel sorry for her. I really, really wish her well!

[alexrex]

I'm sorry. No one likes to be rejected, and sadly it can be tough for trans people since there is a lot of rejection due to miseducation on gender in our society. 

I don't know if it's straight up transphobic to choose not to date trans people. There could be many reasons why this happens, but that's up to each person to answer.

Even though, there are also many open minded people out there who are willing to date trans people. It's just a matter of time to find someone. 

 

But as another member said before, love should always come first from inside. That's the most important kind of love. 

[Bloo]

2 minutes ago, Take Me Apart said:

I mean didn’t she consider this when she decided to transition ?

People don’t weigh the variables to decide to be trans. They’re just simply trans and decide to embrace it.

[Zefierce]

Honestly I think she should accept and make peace with the fact that it might be dealbreaker with guys she comes across. There’s always a risk with exposing ourselves with a potential dating partner, but luckily for her she’s extremely passing so I’m sure she’ll find someone eventually. Hopefully she finds a space or method where she’s able to weed out potential partners easier.

 

I’m sure much of ATRL have had to come to terms with rejection as well, ex: being blocked/ignored when contacting people on Grindr. So I’m glad to see people here being able to empathize.

[AvadaKedavra]

This is breakin my heart. Hope she's able to find someone eventually who loves her by who she is. 
 

Edited December 30, 2023 by AvadaKedavra

[Mornings]

I think pre-op and post-op matter in this situation. I know I can be attracted to a trans man but if I don’t have a dick to suck on,  my sex life would feel incomplete at this point. 
 

she will find the right one!

[Peroxide]

Some very thoughtful replies here.
 

This is sad. Rejection hurts. Continued rejection hurts… I’ve been there too.

 

But no, I don’t believe it’s transphobic.

Edited December 30, 2023 by Peroxide

[Archetype]

18 minutes ago, Bloo said:

People don’t weigh the variables to decide to be trans. They’re just simply trans and decide to embrace it.

It’s not that, it’s more like, this is part of trans life.  Rejection is unavoidable, sad but true.  She is right to feel frustrated and sad, but that’s also part of what comes with being queer/gay/bi/trans/etc.  
 

Hopefully she doesn’t give up, she’ll find the right person that will love her unconditionally one day.  

[shyboi]

8 minutes ago, Mornings said:

I think pre-op and post-op matter in this situation. I know I can be attracted to a trans man but if I don’t have a dick to suck on,  my sex life would feel incomplete at this point. 
 

she will find the right one!

 

Language sis! please

 

seriously no home training 

[Joesuxx]

Whereas rejection is tough, I have to say you should be open with it before letting it get to that point? It’s not transphobic and these men probably wouldn’t flirt if they knew. 

[brooklyndaddy]

5 minutes ago, Joesuxx said:

Whereas rejection is tough, I have to say you should be open with it before letting it get to that point? It’s not transphobic and these men probably wouldn’t flirt if they knew. 

In many countries, it is unsafe to have somebody know you are trans before you have at least a couple interactions. 

[Joesuxx]

Just now, brooklyndaddy said:

In many countries, it is unsafe to have somebody know you are trans before you have at least a couple interactions. 

But if this is an individual you see yourself pursuing a romantic relationship with surely that infers some prior relationship. If you’re reciprocal to flirting and then allowing yourself to entertain ideas without having had that conversation then surely there’s a 50% chance that that’ll not end well. 

[Orsay]

I think it’s a sticky topic. I don’t think it’s “transphobic” for a person to not be interested in dating trans people, but I do think general societal transphobia plays a role in it

 

what I mean is that it’s very easy as a trans girl to find a man who is interested in sex and hooking up and will even want to get to know you, but refuses to seriously publicly date you because you’re trans. Plus sized women have described a similar experience. We’re good enough to be fetishized but never good enough to be brought home to the family or shown off in a social setting. We’re forced to be their “dirty little secret” and yeah I do think that’s because of transphobia

[James_Joint]

No, it’s not transphobic, and there’s also literally no explanation for recording and posting yourself crying if not for attention.  

[SoldierofLove]

1 hour ago, Mornings said:

I think pre-op and post-op matter in this situation. I know I can be attracted to a trans man but if I don’t have a dick to suck on,  my sex life would feel incomplete at this point. 
 

she will find the right one!

1 hour ago, shyboi said:

 

Language sis! please

 

seriously no home training 

omg  Sister Mornings is right though. 

 

Tbh I'm surprised more people didn't comment on the pre-op/post-op situation.

 

I think that's an important factor to consider. Some men may just not be ok with the idea of not being able to perform cunnilingus and that's perfectly fine. They shouldn't feel obligated to perform oral on post-op genitalia if it doesn't turn them on. 

 

I feel for the trans woman. I really do. I'm hopeful that she will find the right person one day. 

[C-Amber]

Everyone will get those emotions if they got rejected many times.

[Strawberry Bubble]

I don't think that not deciding to date trans people is transphobic. But, can someone explain to me why they also believe this? Like, what are the valid reasons for people to say "I don't feel sexually attracted to you once I find out you are trans". 

 

Again, this is not me judging, I just want to hear more opinions and valid reasons to justify and understand my own intuitions. 

 

I do think it is valid that, for example, a gay person is not turned on by trans men because they don't have dicks, but this also can change through surgery. So, what are your opinions on it?

Edited December 30, 2023 by Sebastián Muñoz