discussion is dating without intent to marry / short-term relationships wrong?

[Asscatchem]

there's a cute guy i want to see exclusively for a while but i have no intention of seeing this through as a serious long-term relationship. if i am upfront about this to him and we just enjoy each other for the time being is it wrong? is dating without serious intent of viewing each other as life partners a waste of time and a ticking time bomb?

Edited December 27, 2023 by Asscatchem

[Gelato]

Yes

 

Just marry him then divorce

Edited December 27, 2023 by Gelato

[monologueNacafe]

You’re on a forum full of a gay men asking this question 

[Asscatchem]

Just now, monologueNacafe said:

You’re on a forum full of a gay men asking this question 

and i need gay advice from more experienced gays 

[visions]

If you’re upfront about it like you said and you both agree to it, nobody else’s opinion matters. 

[Revolution]

just communicate what u both want 

 

the answer to any question involving dating or relationship is always either leave or communicate.

[Trent W]

No, but you have to be clear since the beginning 

 

Marrying being the final goal of dating as a standard is what is really wrong imo

 

Marriage is becoming outdated and more people are waking up to realize it’s something unnecessary and it creates a lot of conflicts

 

I think marriage is a huge business imo

Edited December 27, 2023 by Trent W

[Lovett]

Absolutely not. Just be honest with your partner, that's all you need to do. Global marriage rates continue to drop year on year, as less and less people feel the desire to marry.

[Asscatchem]

1 minute ago, visions said:

If you’re upfront about it like you said and you both agree to it, nobody else’s opinion matters. 

Ok, I'm going to bring this up on our second date. Our first date was really magical and I feel like we're really compatible, but I never really did a STR and was curious if other gays here have had this experience (and if it's a bad idea or not).

[dman4life]

Nothing wrong with it but you never really know what the future holds for you both, it's best to not limit yourself and just go with the flow 

[kataraqueen]

sounds like a ****-buddy to me but go off

 

Imo, it's a healthy attitude to have in our current day and age.  As long as you break it off the moment you see they are genuinely falling for you, I don't see it as morally wrong. Eternal love is, by all means, a societal construct meant to increase our likelihood of dominance

[mons†er]

dating without the intent to marry is absolutely fine. the issue that arises is when people don’t express their intended goals while dating. 

 

take it for what it is, dating is meant to be fun and explorative. however, the moment one of you starts putting into the relationship expecting more than just dating. a conversation should be had in order to establish boundaries and gain clarity. 

[shyboi]

If I find out that someone is dating me with the intention of getting married I'd jump out of that ship faster than the woman in me selling out on bookstores

[Asscatchem]

Just now, kataraqueen said:

sounds like a ****-buddy to me but go off

 

Imo, it's a healthy attitude to have in our current day and age.  As long as you break it off the moment you see they are genuinely falling for you, I don't see it as morally wrong. Eternal love is, by all means, a societal construct meant to increase our likelihood of dominance

I mean I want both his emotional and physical connection for the time being. He's like 2 years younger than me so I feel like I need to be more responsible here. I will just try being clear about our intentions, but even so I feel like it's on me as the older one if I genuinely break his heart

[alexrex]

Yes, it's wrong (In every single way)

Get married 

[visions]

8 minutes ago, Asscatchem said:

Ok, I'm going to bring this up on our second date. Our first date was really magical and I feel like we're really compatible, but I never really did a STR and was curious if other gays here have had this experience (and if it's a bad idea or not).

I’ve never had the experience myself but I imagine it’s important to have communication because feelings might change either side so you gotta keep each updated I guess 

[Schami66]

1 minute ago, Asscatchem said:

I mean I want both his emotional and physical connection for the time being. He's like 2 years younger than me so I feel like I need to be more responsible here. I will just try being clear about our intentions, but even so I feel like it's on me as the older one if I genuinely break his heart

AS IF you could control your emotions like that...

Imagine dating that guy for a while; both of you will grow closer and you will fall in love or one/both of you will see, that it just doesn't fit.

Isn't that how dating works? You never know how long it'll works

[kataraqueen]

Just now, Asscatchem said:

I mean I want both his emotional and physical connection for the time being. He's like 2 years younger than me so I feel like I need to be more responsible here. I will just try being clear about our intentions, but even so I feel like it's on me as the older one if I genuinely break his heart

I think you should just do what ever you feel like doing and not worry about the future, as long as it is without direct intentional intent to hurt the other person's feelings (cheating; staying with them even though they want to get married soon and you don't see it happening in the foreseeable future; etc)

 

If you had a magical date with them and want both their physical and emotional love, why are you singling out the possibility of marriage? If you're both young or at least around my age (23), I really don't see the need to even mention it to them. It would only potentially hurt his feelings, because the chances of you guys getting married if you did want it are very slim at a young age. 

[alfonso12]

LOL. This is stupid, we gotta end this whole concept of having "love of your life" who you'll stay until the end of time. Nothing in life lasts forever, people come and go, just have fun and enjoy the moment. 

[Mandalore]

Marriage as the end-goal isn't really the problem here but the way you phrased it " i have no intention of seeing this through as a serious long-term relationship" is what you should be upfront about with the guy you're seeing before deeper feelings get involved and people end up getting hurt. Even if I don't have marriage per se as the goal in mind, I'd still appreciate knowing early-on that my partner isn't seeing any long-term potential at all. Some people aren't looking for meaningless short-term flings so it could be a waste of someone's time. 

Edited December 27, 2023 by Mandalore

[Asscatchem]

1 minute ago, Schami66 said:

AS IF you could control your emotions like that...

Imagine dating that guy for a while; both of you will grow closer and you will fall in love or one/both of you will see, that it just doesn't fit.

Isn't that how dating works? You never know how long it'll works

I just don't want this to be a messy situationship. I'm very affectionate physically but I hesitate doing so verbally even if I want to because it feels like I'm lying to them if it's going to be a STR if that makes sense. Like how can I call them "baby" or anything without feeling guilty that I don't see this as a serious relationship for a life partner

[kataraqueen]

And all the people saying you should communicate every single thing you think are not completely wrong... but it's also an unintentionally selfish train of thought. You're not trying to aviate the other person's doubt or let them have a good time. You're trying to rid yourself of the feeling of guilt. Think very deeply on what the other person needs to hear, and that will be your answer @Asscatchem (i.e. if they don't want to marry you within the next 2 years, there is absolutely no need to mention this after the first date LOL)

Edited December 27, 2023 by kataraqueen

[Khal]

I'm more curious as to why you're being exclusive with someone you already know you have no intentions of being serious with? How does that work?

[aesthetic bih]

I don't think so, as long as your significant other also realizes that not every relationship they get into will turn into a marriage

[Asscatchem]

2 minutes ago, Khal said:

I'm more curious as to why you're being exclusive with someone you already know you have no intentions of being serious with? How does that work?

Can this be considered like a 500 Days of Summer situation? This is why I'm asking if these half-relationships are a bad idea or not.