zasderfght Posted November 18, 2023 Posted November 18, 2023 On 11/16/2023 at 2:49 PM, lustforyou said: Im posting here for advice because I know my friends (who have been there for me to lean on so much) are tired of hearing about it lol Very, very long story short-ish, I have limited experience with actually talking to/dating guys outside of hookups from Grindr, and was used to getting ghosted after a hookup. Beyond that though, there's only been one other guy I've ever been emotionally invested in, and that was barely. I honestly thought I was aromantic or something and incapable of loving Well, me and this guy match, we start texting/FaceTiming 24/7, and by the fourth day I go to his apartment for the first time. We spent the next 2 months talking 24/7 and basically living together, having hours-long talks about every possible subject, me breaking down all my walls. He brought me soup when I was sick, picked me up when I was out with friends at the clubs, would comment on my Insta posts. I know those are all bare minimum things, but I never got even half of that before from anyone I was interested in. He was moving for a summer job and I found his apartment for him and he asked me to come live with him in it (my summer internship was WFH and my parents and lots of friends live in the city he was moving to so it was perfect) All the sudden he got distant, after a lot of prodding he revealed that his ex of a year and him broke up just a month before meeting me because his ex had cheated, but the ex reached out and apologized, and he had stronger feelings for his ex. He was crying and said that I treat him better and he has feeling for me but that he couldn't shake the feelings and history with his ex. We talked for another week, then he sent the final text saying hes extremely sorry but they're gonna work it out This was 6 months ago and I just can't move on. Before I even met him, he was my exact type on paper. But way beyond that, the fact that we got along so well, saw the world the same way, he treated me so well, and I felt completely comfortable around him in a way I never have with anyone. I wish he did something awful like cheating or even just being rude to me, but his only flaw was not telling me how recently he was single. Even then, he told me within a day of his ex hitting him up (I can tell the exact day it happened because of his mood shift), was crying when he was telling me because he knew how much it was hurting me, and was extremely apologetic and let me go through my anger/sadness with him and just took it. I wish I did something wrong too so I could blame myself, but it's literally just the fact that I didnt meet him sooner During our last conversation of him apologizing and me basically being pathetic pleading for him, he told me he was gonna have to block me afterwards for his ex-now-current boyfriend's sake (which also sucks because it shows he's even super loyal), so I've had to try to process this alone. I've kept telling myself that his boyfriend was gonna cheat again and that would be the final straw and he'd come back, but it's been 6 months of no contact for us and them still being together. I just can't move forward and wondering how y'all have when you got dumped :,) I won't echo the same advice others have given (which is great advice; you should listen to them), but give whoever you're dating at least 6 months- a year to determine if they're the right fit for you. 2 months is not enough time. Also, if this guy is pining over his ex, he's dumb. So many gays do this and it's head-scratching. If you were ex's for a good reason (ie. someone cheats), that's a sign that person truly cannot (or did not) love you for you.
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