discussion is hooking up with someone else during the talking stage cheating?

[Hobbes]

It may not be cheating technically but it’s quite shitty if you’re doing it without being upfront with the other person because you’re potentially putting them at risk if you’re hooking up with a nasty.

[If U Seek Amy]

In my opinion no. But it can be disrespectful imo if things are looking like they will head a more serious direction and that other person might be possibly expecting unofficial monogamy and you blind side them suddenly with you’re still sleeping around. It should be at least communicated at some point by either side if it’s starting to get more serious where you’re at and how you’re feeling. 
 

I had a guy do this to me one time and it felt awful even though we weren’t official. It told me basically even if he does want something serious with me (and he did) he’s not ready to settle down and I’m not personally okay with that so I left. It’s different if we just started talking I wouldn’t care. But after like 3 months of dating and soon ready to make it official… nah 

[The Man Who]

If you’re talking with somebody in hopes that it’ll develop into a relationship, why would you want to hook up with other people? That feels really sleazy to me.
 

And after reading the replies in this thread it’s made me wonder if some of you have to be bouncing on a dick 24/7 or something? Is self-control not a thing in your lives? 
 

If I was in the early stages of dating somebody and I found out they were hooking up with other people, I would cut ties with them immediately. Why are you wasting my time? Either keep your dick in your pants and see if things develop into a relationship, or stay single and sleep with whoever you want. You can’t do both. 

[John Slayne]

no, unless you both mutually agreed to be in a sexually exclusive relationship you are free to have sex with whoever you want, and so does the other person. 

 

don't listen to the prudes here saying it makes unreliable or whatever, just make sure you're safe and if you feel like it talk to the person you're dating and get some clarity on where you two stand, this will make your choice easier. but remember that having casual sex when you've never agreed to commit is ok and there's nothing wrong with it, and it doesn't mean you like the guy you're dating less.

[John Slayne]

15 minutes ago, The Man Who said:

If you’re talking with somebody in hopes that it’ll develop into a relationship, why would you want to hook up with other people? That feels really sleazy to me.
 

And after reading the replies in this thread it’s made me wonder if some of you have to be bouncing on a dick 24/7 or something? Is self-control not a thing in your lives? 
 

If I was in the early stages of dating somebody and I found out they were hooking up with other people, I would cut ties with them immediately. Why are you wasting my time? Either keep your dick in your pants and see if things develop into a relationship, or stay single and sleep with whoever you want. You can’t do both. 

have y'all never heard of open relationships? 

 

assuming that everyone is always looking for a monogamous relationship is very heteronormative and it ends up hurting your feelings. if you want monogamy from the start, say it. otherwise you have no right to complain if the other person sleeps with others on the side 🤷‍♀️

[UnusualBoy]

If you both haven't talked about exclusivity but if you told this guy you're dating that you're interested on him and ish and go and hook up with someone else then don't be mad if he doesn't take you serious.

[The Man Who]

52 minutes ago, John Slayne said:

have y'all never heard of open relationships? 

 

assuming that everyone is always looking for a monogamous relationship is very heteronormative and it ends up hurting your feelings. if you want monogamy from the start, say it. otherwise you have no right to complain if the other person sleeps with others on the side 🤷‍♀️

The OP didn’t say anything about having an open relationship though, so why would I just assume that? 
 

And, if OP wanted to pursue an open relationship, why would they be asking if hooking up with other people is ‘cheating’ - as surely being in an open relationship would make that clear? 
 

I also don’t know what the last part of your message is about, because where exactly did I say I don’t say I want monogamy from the start? I don’t recall sharing any information regarding my previous relationships? Deflect much? 

[zasderfght]

Yes, open relationships are valid and are largely excluded from discussions like these. I assume this person is talking about two adults in a monogamous relationship. Here's my two cents: 

 

1. If you're dating and not official/exclusive, anything goes. I have been told by guys I've dated that "they're only seeing me" with plans to make a relationship official and then they'd text me "hey, we're not going to be in a relationship." 

 

2. If you want to personally withhold sex and dating other people, that is entirely your choice. But unless you vocalize "hey, I want things to be exclusive, despite us not being official," the guy you're dating could very well be hooking up and dating other people. 

 

Maybe I'm just jaded by previous dating experiences, but unless you're in a committed relationship, any promise of a relationship before then should, sadly, be taken with a grain of salt-- in my humble opinion. 

[Saddy]

8 hours ago, SimpleKindofLife said:

This is a great question tbh. If you’ve established with the person that you’re talking to that you’re interested in dating eventually then why do you feel the need to hook up with other people? It’s not cheating but it sets the precedent that maybe you’re not ready to be fully committed to someone, and there’s nothing wrong with that of course.

This

[jjmed59]

Agree with the general sentiment that it’s only cheating if there was a mutual understanding of exclusivity. will it improve your chances of getting the new guy? probably not lol. 

 

 

[Funnyfatty]

Is it cheating? No.

 

is it wrong? Yes. 
 

you are talking with that person and there must be some chemistry going on so why focus on someone else? You can wait a week you know and live without sex with someone for a while. Some of you have it so hard with being loyal while its SO EASY.. 

[HEAVYONIT]

Isn’t the whole point of dating because you see that person as someone you potentially will spend the rest of your life with? So if you plan to have a closed relationship once you’re official, then yes I would say it is. If you plan to be more of an open couple, I’d say it isn’t. It also depends how deep into the “talking” stage you are…all relationships are different. 

[Funnyfatty]

3 hours ago, The Man Who said:

If you’re talking with somebody in hopes that it’ll develop into a relationship, why would you want to hook up with other people? That feels really sleazy to me.
 

And after reading the replies in this thread it’s made me wonder if some of you have to be bouncing on a dick 24/7 or something? Is self-control not a thing in your lives? 
 

If I was in the early stages of dating somebody and I found out they were hooking up with other people, I would cut ties with them immediately. Why are you wasting my time? Either keep your dick in your pants and see if things develop into a relationship, or stay single and sleep with whoever you want. You can’t do both. 

Thank you so much. Imagine thinking about asking that person out for a date and the answer you get is “well we were not official so i still have the right to have sex with other man AND THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT” . Really some people are not healthy in their minds. Most of the youth are in depression today even though they think that they are the smartest or whatever.
 

I would cut ties immediately too and would spit in his face if i ever saw him again. 

[Raver]

Not cheating. You guys aren’t together but it is a shitty thing to do

 

[Wooper]

If it feels weird, yes. If it doesn't, than not. Gurl not everything is hard. Go ruin him.

[makeme]

I mean I guess not technically but that's not something I would do if I liked someone and was pursuing them. And if they did that it would be a huge turn off for me 

[imabadkid]

I MEAN... the talking stage is weird because some people are "talking" for years... but I mean, not really but I'd also say it depends.

[Adamj.dion]

Not cheating but will likely cheapen your image to the person you’re crushing on.

[DamianSolo]

I wouldn't consider it "cheating," but I wouldn't be interested in that person anymore either. Have your fun; just don't text me afterwards.

[karron0624]

From someone actually married, in a monogamous relationship, if you are in the talking phase dont sleep around. That is childish and shows you have not grownup/matured. Quite honestly, it signals you’re not ready for a relationship imo. If you are a teenager/in your 20s and want to **** around, go **** around. But if you are actually in the talking phase with someone, be in the talking phase. If it doesnt work out, it doesnt work out, but actually give your authentic full self to whatever you are trying to build.
 

Honestly, 8 years ago, i had an ex who did this same thing, talking phase to dating phase, and we were going to have sex, but i required him to get an std test prior (he was going to be my first). Turned out he had syphillis and had been sleeping with other people during our three month talking phase. Dumped him and started dating my now husband 5 months after, and now 7 years later we are married, and same ex is still single (which isnt a bad thing), but complaining all the time about how no one wants to be monogamous. On my wedding day he sent me a message saying “this should have been us” 🤣🤣.

 

Being a single man who wants to **** around is ok, but dont be a single man who wants to **** around and be in a relationship, you just end up ruining other people, and your relationship will never be the same if you give them anything or they find out. My 2 cents.

[JonginBey]

Doubt you like the guy that much if you’re so ready and willing to hop on someone else’s dick.

 

 

[Funnyfatty]

14 hours ago, karron0624 said:

From someone actually married, in a monogamous relationship, if you are in the talking phase dont sleep around. That is childish and shows you have not grownup/matured. Quite honestly, it signals you’re not ready for a relationship imo. If you are a teenager/in your 20s and want to **** around, go **** around. But if you are actually in the talking phase with someone, be in the talking phase. If it doesnt work out, it doesnt work out, but actually give your authentic full self to whatever you are trying to build.
 

Honestly, 8 years ago, i had an ex who did this same thing, talking phase to dating phase, and we were going to have sex, but i required him to get an std test prior (he was going to be my first). Turned out he had syphillis and had been sleeping with other people during our three month talking phase. Dumped him and started dating my now husband 5 months after, and now 7 years later we are married, and same ex is still single (which isnt a bad thing), but complaining all the time about how no one wants to be monogamous. On my wedding day he sent me a message saying “this should have been us” 🤣🤣.

 

Being a single man who wants to **** around is ok, but dont be a single man who wants to **** around and be in a relationship, you just end up ruining other people, and your relationship will never be the same if you give them anything or they find out. My 2 cents.

I’m happy for you and your relationship. I’m also someone who wants to marry so reading this made me happy. 
 

i’m not judging but i found it weird your ex being able to reach you though. That “this should be us” is only to make your happy relationship to end up like ****. Your husband could get jealous or hateful for it. 

[Dialamba]

It’s not cheating. But why dating or whatever if you’re not 100% invested. 
Unless you have high sex drive it’s like idk the bare minimum to not hook up with someone while  you supposedly want a future with your date. 

If you’re currently in this situation don’t let them silence your feelings you’re perfectly right to be disappointed

. 
That’s seriously why some of y’all cannot maintain a relationship 

[karron0624]

11 minutes ago, Funnyfatty said:

I’m happy for you and your relationship. I’m also someone who wants to marry so reading this made me happy. 
 

i’m not judging but i found it weird your ex being able to reach you though. That “this should be us” is only to make your happy relationship to end up like ****. Your husband could get jealous or hateful for it. 

Oh, that was over instagram,. My MIL was streaming the wedding and apparently he direct messages me during the wedding. I showed my husband at the same day i saw it (we have an open phone policy, so no point in hiding it). 

[Funnyfatty]

Just now, karron0624 said:

Oh, that was over instagram,. My MIL was streaming the wedding and apparently he direct messages me during the wedding. I showed my husband at the same day i saw it (we have an open phone policy, so no point in hiding it). 

That s very sweet. I’m very happy for you. I would do the same i think like he can have my passwords etc.