tournament Golden Hit: Season 5 ⚜️ Congrats to fountain!

[poki]

I need 5 more hours.

 

Spoiler

SIKE!

I already sent.

 

[Jackson]

 

@Hug – Eternal Sonata

Your song started off perfectly. “I wish I was a leaf, vibrant colored gold/So that there’d be some beauty in me growing old” is such a slay couplet and perhaps the highlight of the song for me. I love how poetic and introspective this is. The highlights for me are the first verse and outro, where you delve deepest into the fall/leaves metaphor, and when the lyrics feel most honest. There aren’t any bad sections here, but the chorus and second verse aren’t quite as strong. I like the “eternal sonata”, and despite probably being the name of a video game, doesn’t feel forced. Other lines, though, like “Like the leaves in the autumn, all my dreams fly away” feel more cliche. I also preferred lines like “So someone could stomp on me and finally end it all” compared to “What I picture in the end… is me dying alone”, as the former matches the poetic tone of the piece without sacrificing emotion, while the latter feels too harsh in comparison. Still, I think this was somewhat of a return to form and my favorite song from you since round 1. You captured not only the imagery of autumn but also the emotions, and crafted a beautiful song out of it, one that both started and ended on high notes.

 

hurricane326 – The Widow and the Goose

I actually appreciate that this was less directly inspired by fall. Despite the minimal fall imagery, the emotions and tone of the song were heavily reminiscent of it. From the beginning, I like how you blurred the lines between reality and fiction, thoughts and perception. As always, you describe things with such poetic beauty. You manage to make “goose” not feel forced in a rhyme scheme, which is impressive. Despite not having a formal chorus, I love the “knowing nothing but memory” refrain tying together the two halves of the song. The wasn’t quite as technically perfect as usual from you – “and she digressed” felt out of place, and “its cruel erasing of recalling his love” felt clunky, but these lines were infrequent. Honestly, you’ve yet to have even a mediocre week, so great job once again. 

 

@Legend E – September

I like the concept of signifying autumn as a rebirth rather than death – obviously, in a round that invites a lot of dreary writing, this is a refreshing angle. The first section reads as a sort of prologue, with the song actually kicking off in the second stanza. I love the “beat” line. It sets the tone for an introspective yet catchy mid-tempo pop song. I like the way you refer to reading lines in leaves like tea leaves – it ties well into the central theme of the song while also utilizing the challenge well. There were a few lines that could have been worded more effectively. For example “predict” felt like a very scientific word for a song like this. In the last section, it would have been cool to refer to the group of crows as a “murder”, both because it’s etymologically accurate and also would be a cool visual that would help drive home the sense of love dying. I know you ended up with the #1 last week, but I was probably your lowest scorer. That being said, I think this is an improvement from last week and one of my favorites from you this season.

 

@punisher – The Fall Is Here

I know you mentioned in the thread you struggled this round, but I’m glad you ultimately persevered and submitted. I have to admit some of that struggle is evident. A lot of lines (“you make it look as easy as apple pie”) feel uninspired compared to your last couple entries. A lot of lines felt unconnected and driven by your rhyme scheme rather than intentionally written. Knowing this isn’t a song you ultimately connected with much, I think rather than focusing too much on the individual lyrics, I’d encourage you to find a way to fit your style or desire to the challenge. “Autumn” might seem like a pretty narrow challenge at first glance, but with some creative liberties I think you could make the challenge almost whatever you want. Rather than just focusing on literally autumn imagery, you could have written about the colors of autumn or the emotions associated with the season. Although other judges may disagree, I view the challenge more as a source of inspiration than a set of restrictions, so I try not to remove points based on how well I think you fit the challenge. Still, there were some good lines here. I liked “when there was a fog on my windshield and you drew a hard/it was the little things, that was the hardest part”, for example. Regardless, I think the next challenge is a lot more open thematically, so hopefully it’s something you can have fun with and excel.’’

 

@fountain – Carrier / Harvest

I love the level of ambition you’ve had every round so far this season. A double entry for an autumn round when a lot of other people struggled to write one song is already a bit of a triumph. “Carrier” is beautiful. I’m not sure if it’s pop in the sense that an XO_Life song is pop, but it has a more conventional song structure and fairly accessible lyrics. What I found most commercial was the “To a new place, to a new me/Carrier, carry on” hook, which I loved. Despite being a bit wordier, “Uncertainty as homely as the changing of hue/It acted like it knew me, but that’s never been true” felt equally catchy. The verses weren’t quite as unique or memorable as the other sections, but I think this was a fairly effective song. In the chorus, I would have replaced “as if new” with “anew”, as it flows better and sounds less clunky. I love the sense of hope in this piece (especially juxtaposed against the following song), and I’m thrilled that you branched out and tried something new with this one. You’ve had a quite successful season, so I think taking risks is the right path forward for you at this point.

 

With “Harvest”, you state that we should take from it what we wish. I read through the lyrics once to try to decipher what you were aiming to say, and then decided I should follow your instructions and decide what the lyrics are telling me. I looked at them from a few angles – from a lover, from a parent, but ultimately felt like this came across to me as more of a social commentary piece. That may not be what you intended, but art is subjective! You’ve written this season about feeling stuck somewhere, and I feel like this is another piece about that. I like the visual of being “plucked” from a place of comfort and questioning whether a small life might just be enough, as that’s something I think a lot of people can relate to. Generationally, I think “where I’ll live out the rest of my days/prepped and crammed, into the smallest of space” is extremely relatable, both when looked at literally and figuratively. In the end, I actually think both “Carrier” and “Harvest” were equally strong. Neither was my absolute #1 favorite from you this season, but both were close. Well done yet again.

 

@stupidjock – Before the first snowflake lands on my tongue

I’m glad to see you got some inspiration from the broadened challenge! This was a fairly short entry, but not too short. Still, I think the length prevented you from fully exploring some of the concepts here. I liked the overall idea of using “coldness” as both a literal and metaphorical theme, but I think you could have taken it further. While I liked the winter imagery, you could have used it even more metaphorically throughout. I think you’ve taken our advice of making sure every line provides purpose in the overall storyline, although some lines could have been stronger. “You wore a colourful scarf” helped create a vivid image, but you could have described the scarf in fabrics or colors that would be ultimately symbolic of the tone of the relationship. In the second verse, it would have been cool to tie “you said you love me too early” to the “we kissed right before the first snow” line, comparing the early “I love you’s” to an early frost or an impending storm, for example. I think this is still a solid song, but it feels slightly incomplete – a few extra edits would have taken this to the next level.

 

@TruGemini – Rise/Frozen

The double double entries this round – can we double count these for ratings purposes? I’m glad to see you submit something this season! “Rise” feels like a slower paced, simmering type of song. The language and tone are more understated, and although no particular lyric stands out above the rest in “Rise”, it helps build a sense of suspense and pondering. Alone, it probably wouldn’t be my favorite, but I like how it builds up to “Frozen”, which is the highlight of the piece and stronger entry in my opinion. I love the immediate change of tone to “I’m too damn young not to **** up”. “Frozen” is passionate, cutting, and precise in its wording. “I know your ass is trouble, but I’m a little risky” is a great line, as is my personal favorite, “This the one time I don’t want to rhyme with reason”. I love the way these lines feel so harsh yet passionate. Overall, this was a great piece and absolutely worthy of a submission – I hope to see you inspired by some of the future challenges as well!

 

@worldwide angel – Clementine

I’m glad you made it in before the extended deadline, because you’ve absolutely been one to watch this season. Despite this being quite metaphorical, it actually feels like one of your more accessible entries. The language is flowery and poetic, but also fairly simple and commercial – in the best way. While there’s a few phrases (“strong, fresh, clear breeze”) that could have been elevated with more descriptive, precise language, the song’s simpler vocabulary helped create an easy, breezy tone that moved like rustling autumn leaves. I loved the line “We met at the end of August’s reign” in the first verse. “Feel the warmth escaping, running down” felt anthemic in the chorus, and the titular “Clementine” line was catchy and helped leave a strong impression. I also appreciated the “Snowflake Queen” line, nodding towards the coming winter. It’s hard to say whether this is your best this season, as you’ve had so many strong entries, but this is certainly among your brightest moments this season.

 

@Hey Dude – Madonna I’m Sorry (Can’t Keep It Together)

Based on what you’ve been posting in the thread this week, this feels like a very personal entry. I love that you kept this so honest and simple. Other than leaves coming off trees, I don’t necessarily get any fall or winter imagery from this, but I think that’s OK. The first verse was a bit rocky, but it led to a great chorus. “Cut this whole family off, leave behind a stump/And if anyone asks, I’m no one’s son” was one of the best couplets this entire round. In the bridge, I like the “leaves like me are left without a family” line. Talking about the leaves and stump of the tree help build a sense of otherness that really helps amplify the emotions of the song. If anything, I would have loved even more focus on these aspects. Still, this was one of your stronger songs this season. You perfectly balanced imagery and emotion here, crafting a beautifully honest song.

[Jackson]

 

⚜ THE SONGS OF ROUND 4 ⚜

 

 

@Hug – Eternal Sonata

hurricane326 – The Widow and the Goose

@Legend E – September

@punisher – The Fall Is Here

@fountain – Carrier / Harvest

@stupidjock – Before the first snowflake lands on my tongue

@TruGemini – Rise/Frozen

@worldwide angel – Clementine

@Hey Dude – Madonna I'm Sorry (Can't Keep It Together)

 

 

[punisher]

i don’t even wanna read the review just know that i can do better 

edit: i’m glad that you understood my situation and you didn’t fully pander me thank you!

Edited November 21, 2023 by punisher

[Aurora]

9 submissions? OK come through extended deadline! I will try with all my might to get reviews out in the next 4-5 hours or so. 

 

Thank you to all of those who submitted—seeing the entry pool almost double definitely made the decision to extend the deadline feel like a worthwhile one.

[punisher]

when will we get the next challenge, i wanna escape this one bad

it especially doesn't help since it's like a week away from summer here

[Aurora]

10 minutes ago, punisher said:

when will we get the next challenge, i wanna escape this one bad

it especially doesn't help since it's like a week away from summer here

Possibly Wednesday/Thursday depending on when certain elements are completed by. This is a pretty big one so y'all will have an extended deadline from the get-go. Will also hopefully allow us to get back on schedule for the finale, with Round 6 debuting on Saturday and Round 5 results the Sunday.

 

Also same @ the bolded!

[fountain]

10 hours ago, Aurora said:

9 submissions? OK come through extended deadline! I will try with all my might to get reviews out in the next 4-5 hours or so. 

 

Thank you to all of those who submitted—seeing the entry pool almost double definitely made the decision to extend the deadline feel like a worthwhile one.

 

[worldwide angel]

12 hours ago, Jackson said:

 

 

@worldwide angel – Clementine

I’m glad you made it in before the extended deadline, because you’ve absolutely been one to watch this season. Despite this being quite metaphorical, it actually feels like one of your more accessible entries. The language is flowery and poetic, but also fairly simple and commercial – in the best way. While there’s a few phrases (“strong, fresh, clear breeze”) that could have been elevated with more descriptive, precise language, the song’s simpler vocabulary helped create an easy, breezy tone that moved like rustling autumn leaves. I loved the line “We met at the end of August’s reign” in the first verse. “Feel the warmth escaping, running down” felt anthemic in the chorus, and the titular “Clementine” line was catchy and helped leave a strong impression. I also appreciated the “Snowflake Queen” line, nodding towards the coming winter. It’s hard to say whether this is your best this season, as you’ve had so many strong entries, but this is certainly among your brightest moments this season.

tysm

[Aurora]

2 hours ago, fountain said:

 

 

I did try and got halfway but I got to your song and it put me to sleep babe.

[Aurora]

OK my reviews might be coming in 10-15 minutes! Another strong round, y'all are killing it.

[Kern]

1 minute ago, Aurora said:

OK my reviews might be coming in 10-15 minutes! Another strong round, y'all are killing it.

too late, I'm going to sleep 

[Aurora]

 

Thanks to our extended deadline, we saw an increase in submissions! Thank you for writing for Round 4.

If there is anything in your review you'd like clarified or removed, please let me know and I will do so.

 

⚜️

 

1. @Hug - “Eternal Sonata”
I really loved this. You captured the voice of a hopeless introvert whose all but given up on life so well… and I almost hate to say it, but I could relate to a lot of this… or more accurately, I feel I would have related to this a lot in the past. For me, this is your most technically masterful piece of writing since “Sea of Stars”. The storytelling is seamless, gripping, and never dull. The parallels between a fallen autumn leaf and aging, or the despondency of wishing you were as unfeeling and desensitized as a tree were very clever. I wasn’t a huge fan of the closing lyric as it didn’t feel as delicate as the rest of the song, but it certainly carried some weight. Fantastic writing.

 

2. hurricane326 - “The Widow and the Goose”
I like your interpretation of the brief and the creativity you’ve shown here. Obviously everyone is at a different stage in their writing journey, and that’s okay. The first thing I will say is that having some of the lyrics split over multiple line lengths was difficult to adjust to at first, as they didn’t flow very naturally. I’ve written in such a way before and it’s interesting to see it through a different lens. I hadn’t heard your reference song before, so I went ahead and listened to it, and re-read your song again afterwards, and had a new appreciation for it. I could definitely see some of the lyrical quirks like the experimental internal rhyming and such that you carried over into this song. It’s definitely unique and I think it’s rather special. You never really disappoint, well done.

 

Quick comment here, I read your first entry, and while it was very nice, you definitely made the right call in updating your submission. This new submission has so much more going for it and demands more attention.

 

3. @Legend E - “September”
I found this quite interesting. I did enjoy the narrative overall but I honestly wasn’t sure what to make of the whole “prediction” angle—what is the reason for this? Does the narrator have a history of making these predictions or being a psychic that isn’t really developed in the song? I almost feel like it would have been stronger if you had just written from the perspective of a chance encounter or happenstance rather than predicting or manifesting these events. That aside, it’s packed with pretty autumnal imagery—autumn leaves, pumpkins, you name it—I enjoyed the less gimmicky details such as describing the love interest’s features. I wouldn’t say this is my favorite song of yours this season (I’ve been such a stan) but this is still pretty nice.

 

4. @punisher - “The Fall Is Here”
The first lyric, I- look, I know this challenge wasn’t your bag, but hey, I think this is still pretty good. It might be a pretty linear interpretation of the brief, but it gets the job done. You obviously have a natural ability to string together some rhymes very well, but there were a few instances here that seemed like specific lyrics were only included or phrased a certain way to end on a perfect rhyme. The image of carving someone’s face into a pumpkin only to smash it as an act of revenge was kinda great, the scream I scrumpt. Alternatively, specifying “apple pie” to elongate the idiom and the Bambi/hunter lyrics left a lot to be desired. You’re still a young writer (in Golden Hit terms) and I have no doubt that we’ll see another “Off-Brand”-level serve from you yet!

 

5. @fountain - “Carrier / Harvest”
“Carrier”: Not the third entry in this round inspired by migration— unsure if I just don’t know anything about animals, but I didn’t strongly associate autumn with migration before this round, so I’ve learned something! I love that you went for a more pop approach to this first song, I still wouldn’t label it commercial pop, but more alternative/indie pop, which is still a fantastic branching out for you. This felt a bit like a sister song to hurricane’s at times due to the similar comparisons drawn from avian migration. Nitpick: “see the world anew,” would have rolled off the tongue slightly better in your chorus/outro, I think. Loved the “Carrier; carry on,” hook. This song’s message feels like the complete antithesis of “The Square”, showcasing your versatility as a writer.

 

“Harvest”: Following your intentionally ambiguous commentary, without even reading the song my first thought was organ harvesting, just putting that out there.  After reading your song, I gather this is about the fate of turkeys during the Thanksgiving season, or rather commentary on animal cruelty in general since you’re not based in the US (although I’ve written songs about white Christmasses before. ) I’m going to go with the former because I think the juxtaposition between the two avian-esque narrators—one positive and flying free, the other caged and fated to end up on a serving plate—made both songs hit even harder. There’s still an undeniable connection to the season threaded through both of these songs, with only one or two subtle references to common imagery such as falling leaves. Another small gripe: “has fell through,” should be, “has fallen through.” You know I like the song when I’m pointing out little things like this, though. Stunning as ever.

 

6. @stupidjock - “Before the first snowflake lands on my tongue”
Thank you for taking advantage of the extended deadline (1). Congratulations, you’ve solidified yourself as the title queen of this season.  The Taylor Swift jumped out a biT in this one… the details like the scarf and the shirt, the references to specific times like 7 am and 1 am… I can see what you were going for here, really leaning into the ‘evermore’ aspect of the brief. I think you set up the scene well enough in the first verse to show some introspection or take the narrative elsewhere in the second verse, but you ended up more or less just reiterating what had already been established. There isn’t a sense of movement after this verse, which is what a verse is best at being—a vessel for movement. That would be my main criticism of this song, is that you could end the song after the first chorus and you wouldn’t really be missing much from the song’s overall narrative. Just something to keep in mind in the future—this shows great promise, would love to see you expand upon it!

 

7. @TruGemini - “Rise/Frozen”
Thank you for taking advantage of the extended deadline (2). And also lovely to see you back! I’m glad you saw this as a second opportunity to really push yourself and submit something for this challenge. I love how masterful your internal rhyming always is, and your rhyming ability in general. Your rhymes rarely—if ever—feel forced, and roll off the tongue in such a seamless manner. The “Rise” part of this piece walks the line between rap and slam poetry, I can just hear the internal rhymes being boldly enunciated for impact. The “I always fall,” lyric was giving me Avril Lavigne’s “Complicated”. While there were plenty of lyrical takeaways here, by far and away the highlight of this song for me was, “Another place in time, maybe we could be a match / Yes the friction to your match, cause you know you’ve met your match,” the way you effortlessly made three definitions of “match” work in 15 syllables… astounding. I think the connection to the seasons of autumn and winter was definitely the loosest this round, and although I can see your angle after reading your commentary, this isn’t the longest of songs (even as a two-parter) and I think you had space to really reinforce these connections.

 

8. @worldwide angel - “Clementine”
Thank you for taking advantage of the extended deadline (3). I honestly really enjoyed your approach to this challenge, and I am glad that you confirmed my interpretation of the song in the commentary because I was getting way too strong “personification of fall” vibes for it not to be just that, so… job well done on that front! I found your structure interesting, I wasn’t minding the headings until I read, “[VERSE ONE]” and was like… wait, what? But I think starting off with the chorus and post-chorus was nice. This first verse also gave me “International Smile” vibes a bit, which was fun. I liked the introduction of winter imagery, and began to question the pronoun usage in, “Until the Snowflake Queen / brings his chilly kiss,” but hey, it’s 2023, maybe the Snowflake Queen doesn’t use she/her pronouns! Overall I think this is another nice gem in your collection.

 

9. @Hey Dude - “Madonna I'm Sorry (Can't Keep It Together)”
Thank you for taking advantage of the extended deadline (4). This title is giving Kylie Jenner… no, not the one of Kardashian fame, the ATRL user and Golden Hit: Season 4 champion! And honestly the song itself kinda is too? This is hands down my favorite offering from you this season thus far. The connection between straying from a “family tree” and a tree losing its leaves in autumn is such a strong one, and I’m honestly surprised you were the only one who made this connection and went down this angle. You’ve seamlessly integrated many aspects of the season and always connected it to something greater. For example, your opening lyric, “Rain on my parade because that’s the best you can do,” being an obvious reference to rainy weather, while also referring to unsupportive family members. The images you concocted with lyrics such as, “Cut this whole family off, leave behind a stump,” were powerful. There was never a moment where it felt like you were just throwing in seasonal imagery for the sake of it, but always connected it back to the core narrative driving this piece. “Always tear me down, then surprised by my lack of growth,” was another standout lyric in the bridge that can clearly apply to either a tree or a person. This was such a captivating read, and a fantastic way to end this round.

 

⚜️

 

Your next challenge will be posted in a day or so. Thanks for working with us on our new schedule! 

Results for this fourth round will take place in the coming days at a time to be determined. We'll see you there!

[Jackson]

8 minutes ago, Aurora said:

Nitpick: “see the world anew,” would have rolled off the tongue slightly better in your chorus/outro, I think

not us making the exact same suggestion

[Aurora]

9 minutes ago, Jackson said:

not us making the exact same suggestion

I honestly haven't even had time to read your reviews yet, but whew our minds.  That really would have made for a 10/10 quatrain.

[Hug]

The way the only two modes I have are sad ***** and bad *****, but the sad ***** gets the bag, *****.

 

I only meant that as an observation but it reads like a bomb ass lyric ngl...when I make a whole rap about how pathetic I am yet the meter is immaculate and the word play goes crazy...

[Jackson]

3 hours ago, Hug said:

The way the only two modes I have are sad ***** and bad *****, but the sad ***** gets the bag, *****.

 

I only meant that as an observation but it reads like a bomb ass lyric ngl...when I make a whole rap about how pathetic I am yet the meter is immaculate and the word play goes crazy...

isn't emo rap kinda in anyways? here for this

[Aurora]

4 hours ago, Hug said:

The way the only two modes I have are sad ***** and bad *****, but the sad ***** gets the bag, *****.

 

I only meant that as an observation but it reads like a bomb ass lyric ngl...when I make a whole rap about how pathetic I am yet the meter is immaculate and the word play goes crazy...

When you pull a Kesha ft. Ke$ha - “Kinky” next round and feature both sides of yourself, whew.

[Aurora]

Next page for new challenge? 

[poki]

Yes

[poki]

It's good to see the sun and feel this place

This place I never thought would feel like home 

[poki]

And I ran forever far out when I, I always thought I'd end up here alone

[poki]

But somehow the world has changed and I've come home

To give you back the things they took from you 

[poki]

How many ******* posts do I need to spam 

[poki]

I wish I could define all the thoughts that cross my mind

They seem too big for me to choose, I don't know which ones to lose