Jackson Posted November 4, 2023 Author Posted November 4, 2023 45 minutes ago, réveuse said: AI needs to be stopped for once and for all. I realize there’s lots of conflicting opinions on the place of generative AI - I think it has its uses and can even support the creative process (I’ve used it to create album covers), but it’s very clearly against the spirit of this game to use it to write lyrics and try to place better. Thankfully, the vast majority of players have been playing the game as intended and have helped make this one of our best seasons so far. 2
Aurora Posted November 4, 2023 Posted November 4, 2023 22 minutes ago, Jackson said: I realize there’s lots of conflicting opinions on the place of generative AI - I think it has its uses and can even support the creative process (I’ve used it to create album covers), but it’s very clearly against the spirit of this game to use it to write lyrics and try to place better. Thankfully, the vast majority of players have been playing the game as intended and have helped make this one of our best seasons so far. I echo this sentiment. There are definitely lines that can be drawn, and for each individual perhaps that line is in a different place? I've used Midjourney to generate single covers for song submissions in the past, and encourage others to do so, as long as they are not using them for profit or personal gain. That's where my line is drawn. In this tournament, we judge a song's lyrics. Anything else is purely self-expression, which we will never discourage. If you are using generative AI in an artistic space as a means to profit or put yourself in a more advantageous position rather than just to evoke creative energy, I believe that's a boundary crossed.
poki Posted November 4, 2023 Posted November 4, 2023 At first I was like "how can you tell it's AI?" Then I took a few tries... (Verse 1) Madonna on the scene, it's Halloween night, I'm the queen of spooky, in the pale moonlight, Costume change, you won't believe your sight, From a witch to a vampire, I own the fright. (Chorus) Halloween, it's my favorite time of the year, Madonna in the dark, no need to fear, We'll dance till dawn, with ghouls and cheers, Spooky, sexy, fun, it's crystal clear. (Verse 2) I'm a black cat prowlin', with a wicked grin, You'll find me in the shadows, where the fun begins, Pumpkin spice, candy corn, it's a sweet sin, Trick or treat, I'm the treat, let the games begin. (Chorus) (Verse 3) Haunted houses, spooky sounds, and eerie sights, I'm the spooky diva, under the haunted lights, Bats and broomsticks, cauldrons full of delights, In this Halloween rap, Madonna ignites. (Chorus) (Bridge) From thriller nights to a thriller dance, I'll bewitch you all in this wicked trance, No superstition, just a wicked romance, Madonna's Halloween rap, give it a chance. (Chorus) (Outro) So, join me, everyone, in this Halloween show, Madonna's in the house, let the wickedness flow, Trick or treat, my friends, come on, let's go, In the night of spirits, we're the stars that glow.
Aurora Posted November 4, 2023 Posted November 4, 2023 1 minute ago, Hey Dude said: At first I was like "how can you tell it's AI?" Then I took a few tries... (Verse 1) Madonna on the scene, it's Halloween night, I'm the queen of spooky, in the pale moonlight, Costume change, you won't believe your sight, From a witch to a vampire, I own the fright. (Chorus) Halloween, it's my favorite time of the year, Madonna in the dark, no need to fear, We'll dance till dawn, with ghouls and cheers, Spooky, sexy, fun, it's crystal clear. (Verse 2) I'm a black cat prowlin', with a wicked grin, You'll find me in the shadows, where the fun begins, Pumpkin spice, candy corn, it's a sweet sin, Trick or treat, I'm the treat, let the games begin. (Chorus) (Verse 3) Haunted houses, spooky sounds, and eerie sights, I'm the spooky diva, under the haunted lights, Bats and broomsticks, cauldrons full of delights, In this Halloween rap, Madonna ignites. (Chorus) (Bridge) From thriller nights to a thriller dance, I'll bewitch you all in this wicked trance, No superstition, just a wicked romance, Madonna's Halloween rap, give it a chance. (Chorus) (Outro) So, join me, everyone, in this Halloween show, Madonna's in the house, let the wickedness flow, Trick or treat, my friends, come on, let's go, In the night of spirits, we're the stars that glow. A true songwriter can always tell genuinely authentic art. Apologies to all for the delayed reviews this round will likely provide. This... discovery has obviously caused a lot of internal debate regarding how we are going to handle this round's judging. In order to provide an opportunity to learn something from this, we have tentatively decided it will be best to carry on with the tournament uninterrupted, and review certain aspects from these first two rounds at a later point, prior to this season's finale.
poki Posted November 4, 2023 Posted November 4, 2023 My guilt OCD makes me think this is about me Hand on my heart I didn't use AI for my track. It's very different than everything I wrote before (at least I think it is) because I finally didn't let video games inspire me. 1
XO_Life Posted November 4, 2023 Posted November 4, 2023 While @Jackson & @Aurora are handeling this situation with grace, I can't. i am pretty pissed about this whole situation. I feel like it is okay to use AI in order to find words that might fit the theme. But that's it. I don't like this at all and feel like this is unfair to the writers that actually put in the effort to write something on their own. This is just lazy, cheap & stupid. This competition is supposed to be fun and provide individual feedback to each writer. We as judges take a lot of our time to review your songs and then just giving us something an AI wrote? C'mon. I am sorry but this is a huge "**** you" to all of us. 3
fountain Posted November 4, 2023 Posted November 4, 2023 (edited) 1 hour ago, Hey Dude said: My guilt OCD makes me think this is about me Pls why did I have the same reaction “is it somehow me, without me even knowing?!” as if I didn’t labour over this in every random location and every hour of the day that I could 34 minutes ago, XO_Life said: While @Jackson & @Aurora are handeling this situation with grace, I can't. i am pretty pissed about this whole situation. I feel like it is okay to use AI in order to find words that might fit the theme. But that's it. I don't like this at all and feel like this is unfair to the writers that actually put in the effort to write something on their own. This is just lazy, cheap & stupid. This competition is supposed to be fun and provide individual feedback to each writer. We as judges take a lot of our time to review your songs and then just giving us something an AI wrote? C'mon. I am sorry but this is a huge "**** you" to all of us. I kinda agree, it’s pretty stupid and defeats the whole purpose of the game. If you’re not actually going to write yourself, I don’t know why you would join. Well, I am glad I’m not hosting this season because it seems like an annoying mess to deal with. Just unnecessary and unfortunate. I’m sure Jackson and Aurora will do the right thing, though. Edited November 4, 2023 by fountain
Kern Posted November 4, 2023 Posted November 4, 2023 Not AI This is so crazy cause like what’s the point? This is not Hunger Games, no one dies if they flop 1
Aurora Posted November 4, 2023 Posted November 4, 2023 13 minutes ago, stupidjock said: Not AI This is so crazy cause like what’s the point? This is not Hunger Games, no one dies if they flop
Aurora Posted November 4, 2023 Posted November 4, 2023 Not to be overshadowed by yesterday's drama, I'd like to thank everyone who participated in Round 2. This round was very diverse and packed full of surprises—some tricks, some treats... but mostly treats! If there is anything in your review you'd like clarified or removed, please let me know and I will do so. ⚜️ 1. @Kayseri Mantisi - “Ghoul's Ballad” Wow, first to submit for the second week in a row. Quite the speedster! This submission read almost like a spell. Very strong “Song of the Witches” vibes from this one. I could also picture it being used in one of those Tim Burton-esque Halloween movies. One thing I loved about “Land Of The Rising Sun” was how vivid the imagery was—here we get flashes of that, but nothing as strong. One thing common to both songs is that they more generally refer to common images associated with their respective themes (e.g. cherry blossoms, sushi, and geishas for Japan, and various monsters, moonlight, and pumpkins here) without really honing in on any one thing. For your next submission, I would love to see some more of your personality put into your lyrics. Instead of just trying to incorporate as many associations to the theme as possible, pick a select few and really flesh them out by forming some similes or using them as metaphors to relate back to a more emotive concept. 2. hurricane326 - “The Sentinel” This was definitely a unique take on the challenge, one of which I absolutely enjoyed. I had to do a bit of research to fully understand what this song was about, but I don’t mind doing that at all. Make us think! Writing from the perspective of a “serial killer” isn’t something I was actually surprised to see from you—I recall you submitted something in a similar vein back in Season 2 which wasn’t exactly well-received. I think it works a lot better here given the horror-leaning nature of this round’s challenge, and that the “serial killer” is essentially more or less a metaphor for the HIV/AIDS epidemic. I also liked the incorporation of elements from Frankenstein which centered this piece in the realm of Halloween rather than just general horror. You brought the social commentary to an otherwise very unserious challenge in a way I can only commend you on. 3. @punisher - “Body On The Ceiling” Welcome to the tournament! I am very glad you decided to submit despite missing the first challenge. This was a wonderful debut entry from you, I was getting strong Doja Cat “Demons” vibes throughout. The “My- my- my” and “Now- now- now” elements were fun and hooky and help us envision you taking this song into a more pop or rhythmic direction. I liked the comparisons you drew between how the possessed person was feeling and a shark to blood in the water, or a vulture to its prey—vicious, ruthless, and unrelenting. I already enjoyed where this song was heading, but the references to The Exorcist, American Psycho, and Carrie were great additions. Your rhyming throughout was great, but especially in your chorus section—the different line lengths lent to a more rhythmic or rap vibe, and gave your song a real sense of movement. Looking forward to your next song! 4. @Legend E- “Danse Macabre” This was so creative, fun, and cute! I liked the incorporation of the Danse Macabre motif and consider it a great central element to your song. You started this piece off so strongly with the internal rhyming and structure, it had a lot of natural movement. The commentary on turning something that was once strictly feared into a Halloween costume—thus making the real deal virtually unrecognizable on this night—was a nice touch. Loved the queue couplet and the implication that supernatural occurrences around Halloween are just spirits of family and friends saying hello and letting their presence be known rather than something to fear. It’s after this point that you lost me a little bit, as you acknowledged it’s really quite random, but I mean… it kinda works and is kinda cute and camp so whatever? I don’t think it’s the strongest way you could have ended this song, but it’s not bad or anything. It’s no “Lands” (which was robbed), but I still enjoyed reading this a lot. 5. @Hug - “Shadow Hearts” I wish you hadn’t admitted to repurposing an old song in the thread… we should all know less about each other! Truly I’m not that adverse to expanding on old song ideas, and we have bigger fish to fry at this particular time, but a 100% original song completely written within the allocated time frame will always be preferred. Just an FYI to anyone else who may be reading this review. Right off the bat I’m calling out, “I’m not wary but I’m cautious,” babe these are literally synonyms. “You let out all your inner demons / So they can live inside of me,” was really good. The image of eyes burning your blood asunder just doesn’t work for me… what does this even mean? Rhyming “tense” with “intense” in the second verse… Hug A. Mari. The second half of the second verse though… flawless. Then we’re hit with flaming broken blood again. The bridge was almost perfect, but I will never NOT be able to read, “it’s true, it’s true” in Jimin— I mean, Oli London’s voice, so that kind of took me out of the immersion there a bit. Overall this was a mixed bag, definitely more good than bad, but the bad— these are not things I would expect from a writer of your caliber with your repertoire. Let’s do better next week. 6. @stupidjock - “Tyra Banks” I knew this was going to be an iconic entry from the title alone… and boy was I not mistaken. The sampled intro… c’mon camp. I was physically wheezing, coughing, and spluttering by the end of this song. The dramatics of considering being left by someone a fate worse than seeing a ghost is so on brand for reality TV, I cannot. The alien faces in the toast followed up by the lyric about almost tasting them… so unserious. The chorus was a legitimate bop, I can’t deny. This whole song honestly feels like a fever dream, the “(one [ghost] stayed and watched)” completely sells that for me, as I can envision it being whispered seductively in the background. “In [sic] need your spiderweb shot deep into me,” Miss cupcakKe?! This is kinda your “escargot” moment. I’m raising my hand, I’m sufficiently scared. This was a wild ride, but I’m pleased to see you had a lot of fun with this. 7. @Antikythera - “Knives Out (After Party)” OK so we’ve got back to back camp… I love this for us. I knew this round had the potential to go either really dark or really unserious, and it’s nice to see we’ve had a bit of a mix between the two. Let me just start off by saying that this song took me on a rather unexpected journey, in an endearing way. I will say that I think “Amsterdam (Lekker D)” had more cohesion in what type of song it knew it wanted to be, whereas this was a bit more all over the place in such a way that could only truly work for this challenge. Conceptually I think you have something really solid—drawing inspiration from women who had experienced abuse was a powerful sentiment. I don’t think it came across as empowering or hard-hitting as perhaps intended, but it still works. I don’t think I’ve seen a more eclectic collection of women mentioned in a single song, so props for that. I screamed @ the rap, we love a risk-taking writer! Rap delivery is so important, and while it started off average, it peaked in the *******/precinct/instinct/indistinct quatrain, and the references to each individual lady were clever and fun. 8. @worldwide angel - “Sundiving” Cool and intriguing title was my first impression. Thankfully this carried through to the song itself, I definitely got “Kill Bill” vibes, so I wasn’t at all surprised to see you acknowledge that specifically in your other information section. Honestly, I don’t think I’ve seen an entry quite like this in Golden Hit thus far. We’ve obviously had songs about unfaithful partners before, but this is very unique in its approach to the relationship, and the aftermath. The way you phrase everything in this song is so delicately crafted: “all i did was listen, like i always do / couldn’t help it, had to follow you,” evokes such a strong image of someone lovingly watching their partner sleep, and having that serenity and peace ripped away from them in an instant with the utterance of a name. Somehow things get even better in the second verse, their depth of their devotion becoming clear with lyrics such as, “you were so sweet to me / tasted like summertime / even though i love the snow / i would give it up, give all for you“. The bridge… how does each new section keep getting stronger? “at least adam and eve were deceived / you were lucifer in my sheets“ might be my favorite couplet of the season thus far. Your approach to this challenge is one I’d consider far from obvious, yet it works so well. Another brilliant offering from you! 9. @réveuse - “Broom” I’m pleased to see you submit something with a bit more body this week, that’s more like it! The core concept of this song was really unexpected, I liked that you subverted the trope of a witch causing havoc during Halloween by having the human narrator ruin Halloween for the witch. Fun! The verses, particularly the second one, are the strongest here; establishing your intentions in the first one and then theorizing ways to bring them to reality in the second. Good sense of progression there. Where this song faltered a bit is its incessant use of repetition. A little repetition can be catchy and fun, a lot of repetition can get old quickly. For instance, out of the 40 words in your chorus, 19 of them are just the word “now”... that’s basically half, with the remaining half just being three instances of, “I’m gonna snatch that broom of hers”. While it may sound catchy in a recorded song, it doesn’t make for the most lyrically enthralling read, which is the distinction Golden Hit aims to make. 10. @Hey Dude - “Wicked Rose” Now we’re getting into the deep cuts… how did you even come up with this narrative? So let me get this right… We have a woman who turns to witchcraft to get back at her abusive partner, eventually murdering him. She feels some remorse but ultimately concludes he had it coming and proceeds to follow a life of witchcraft, abandoning and somehow forgetting about the child they had together in the process? A traumatic event for the child which ultimately leads to their death? Wow. While I definitely admire this piece’s creativity, I almost feel like it could have been a stronger, more compelling narrative without the supernatural elements. Had it solely focused on the murder of the abusive partner and the trauma it caused the widow, becoming so distant from her son she neglects him and forgets about his existence, then doesn’t even know he has died… I feel that would be compelling and haunting enough to satisfy this challenge. You always go the extra mile however, and I have to once again commend your creativity. 11. @blackoutbaby - “Dancing Under the Blood Moon” I was absolutely not expecting a politically conscious song with a social message this round, let alone from the “Paris Bítch” chanteuse herself, so color me surprised on two counts! This was such a pleasant surprise, and I love your innovative approach to this challenge. With your song acknowledging the real “horrors” of the world as corruption and immorality rather than ghosts or demons, your song is certainly conceptually one of the most poignant of the round. Ironically, I can also see Kim Petras singing this song—for completely different reasons to your last offering. This definitely could fit in the realm of ‘TURN OFF THE LIGHT’ or ‘Feed The Beast’, for instance. While I loved your “escargot” lyric last round, I didn’t consider the remainder of your song to be as strong. This song however is solid from start to finish. The metaphor of “dancing under the blood moon” is so tangible and accessible, while also sounding really cool too and evoking a strong image. Wonderful writing! 12. @fountain - “Killer Whales of the Zombie Strain; “Cognisance”” Not you hating Halloween when it was your idea to host a Halloween Special *and* participate in it as your first unofficial submission for Golden Hit… what? I was still overseas when you submitted the original entry, so I’m glad to finally have a chance to read it prior to/alongside your latest offering. I think this “Halloween universe” where things are not what they seem is a very clever idea and essentially sets a limitless landscape for you to play around in lyrically without anything seeming out of place because… well, everything is intentionally out of place. That said, you still could have ventured into “goofy” territory, or something that just felt outside the box for the sake of being absurd, yet your submission here has a whole lot of heart and deeper meaning. I already know I am going to have to read this one multiple times before I can even think of assigning you a score, but just know that I consider this to be a pleasant surprise packed with an unexpected amount of soul. 13. @Invisibility - “It's a Love Thing” What a surprise receiving this bonus track for the round’s Spooky Tunes mixtape was. Submitting a little late is okay, but almost two full days late? You’re lucky we’re in the spirit of giving. I wasn’t at all familiar with the main inspiration for your song, which was such a niche and oddly-specific choice? From what I can gather it’s a prequel to an 80’s horror, neither of which are strongly associated with Halloween in the typical slasher sense. But man, what a horrifying creature. What I will give you is that this is certainly inventive. Unfortunately it didn’t really translate to an enjoyable reading experience for me. At times it felt too reliant on the source material, as specific references to characters from the film are completely lost on anyone who hasn’t heard of this film, which after looking at its Wikipedia page is… probably most people. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with leaning on a niche horror film for songwriting inspiration, but perhaps a more metaphorical approach would have been easier to digest? You’re an immensely talented writer, but this wasn’t your finest work for me. ⚜️ Your next challenge will be posted by the judges in approximately 9 hours. We hope you're okay with this choice. Results for this second round will take place in the coming days at a time to be determined. We'll see you there! 3 3
fountain Posted November 4, 2023 Posted November 4, 2023 58 minutes ago, Aurora said: 12. @fountain - “Killer Whales of the Zombie Strain; “Cognisance”” Not you hating Halloween when it was your idea to host a Halloween Special *and* participate in it as your first unofficial submission for Golden Hit… what? I was still overseas when you submitted the original entry, so I’m glad to finally have a chance to read it prior to/alongside your latest offering. I think this “Halloween universe” where things are not what they seem is a very clever idea and essentially sets a limitless landscape for you to play around in lyrically without anything seeming out of place because… well, everything is intentionally out of place. That said, you still could have ventured into “goofy” territory, or something that just felt outside the box for the sake of being absurd, yet your submission here has a whole lot of heart and deeper meaning. I already know I am going to have to read this one multiple times before I can even think of assigning you a score, but just know that I consider this to be a pleasant surprise packed with an unexpected amount of soul. ⚜️ Fank u fank u! yes I’m notoriously a Halloween hater so I was STUMPED for the majority of this round… I just kept thinking, “I’ll never top Killer Bees”… so then I thought, well, why not just expand upon it then? And then the idea for Killer Whales came about which I ended up pretty proud of (especially considering I was anticipating bombing this challenge), so in the end it wasn’t so bad! But, still, f this challenge 1
Jackson Posted November 4, 2023 Author Posted November 4, 2023 1 hour ago, fountain said: Fank u fank u! yes I’m notoriously a Halloween hater so I was STUMPED for the majority of this round… I just kept thinking, “I’ll never top Killer Bees”… so then I thought, well, why not just expand upon it then? And then the idea for Killer Whales came about which I ended up pretty proud of (especially considering I was anticipating bombing this challenge), so in the end it wasn’t so bad! But, still, f this challenge i’m sure you’re excited for the Christmas challenge this week then 1 1
réveuse Posted November 4, 2023 Posted November 4, 2023 2 hours ago, Aurora said: 9. @réveuse - “Broom” I’m pleased to see you submit something with a bit more body this week, that’s more like it! The core concept of this song was really unexpected, I liked that you subverted the trope of a witch causing havoc during Halloween by having the human narrator ruin Halloween for the witch. Fun! The verses, particularly the second one, are the strongest here; establishing your intentions in the first one and then theorizing ways to bring them to reality in the second. Good sense of progression there. Where this song faltered a bit is its incessant use of repetition. A little repetition can be catchy and fun, a lot of repetition can get old quickly. For instance, out of the 40 words in your chorus, 19 of them are just the word “now”... that’s basically half, with the remaining half just being three instances of, “I’m gonna snatch that broom of hers”. While it may sound catchy in a recorded song, it doesn’t make for the most lyrically enthralling read, which is the distinction Golden Hit aims to make. Thank you!
Jackson Posted November 4, 2023 Author Posted November 4, 2023 7 hours ago, Hey Dude said: My guilt OCD makes me think this is about me Hand on my heart I didn't use AI for my track. It's very different than everything I wrote before (at least I think it is) because I finally didn't let video games inspire me. I don’t think a computer could possibly come up with some of your concepts you might have some of the most distinct writing in the game I can also assure you that if it wasn’t you, we aren’t suspecting you. There are multiple clues suggesting who is using AI. 1
blackoutbaby Posted November 4, 2023 Posted November 4, 2023 2 hours ago, Aurora said: Not to be overshadowed by yesterday's drama, I'd like to thank everyone who participated in Round 2. This round was very diverse and packed full of surprises—some tricks, some treats... but mostly treats! If there is anything in your review you'd like clarified or removed, please let me know and I will do so. ⚜️ 1. @Kayseri Mantisi - “Ghoul's Ballad” Wow, first to submit for the second week in a row. Quite the speedster! This submission read almost like a spell. Very strong “Song of the Witches” vibes from this one. I could also picture it being used in one of those Tim Burton-esque Halloween movies. One thing I loved about “Land Of The Rising Sun” was how vivid the imagery was—here we get flashes of that, but nothing as strong. One thing common to both songs is that they more generally refer to common images associated with their respective themes (e.g. cherry blossoms, sushi, and geishas for Japan, and various monsters, moonlight, and pumpkins here) without really honing in on any one thing. For your next submission, I would love to see some more of your personality put into your lyrics. Instead of just trying to incorporate as many associations to the theme as possible, pick a select few and really flesh them out by forming some similes or using them as metaphors to relate back to a more emotive concept. 2. hurricane326 - “The Sentinel” This was definitely a unique take on the challenge, one of which I absolutely enjoyed. I had to do a bit of research to fully understand what this song was about, but I don’t mind doing that at all. Make us think! Writing from the perspective of a “serial killer” isn’t something I was actually surprised to see from you—I recall you submitted something in a similar vein back in Season 2 which wasn’t exactly well-received. I think it works a lot better here given the horror-leaning nature of this round’s challenge, and that the “serial killer” is essentially more or less a metaphor for the HIV/AIDS epidemic. I also liked the incorporation of elements from Frankenstein which centered this piece in the realm of Halloween rather than just general horror. You brought the social commentary to an otherwise very unserious challenge in a way I can only commend you on. 3. @punisher - “Body On The Ceiling” Welcome to the tournament! I am very glad you decided to submit despite missing the first challenge. This was a wonderful debut entry from you, I was getting strong Doja Cat “Demons” vibes throughout. The “My- my- my” and “Now- now- now” elements were fun and hooky and help us envision you taking this song into a more pop or rhythmic direction. I liked the comparisons you drew between how the possessed person was feeling and a shark to blood in the water, or a vulture to its prey—vicious, ruthless, and unrelenting. I already enjoyed where this song was heading, but the references to The Exorcist, American Psycho, and Carrie were great additions. Your rhyming throughout was great, but especially in your chorus section—the different line lengths lent to a more rhythmic or rap vibe, and gave your song a real sense of movement. Looking forward to your next song! 4. @Legend E- “Danse Macabre” This was so creative, fun, and cute! I liked the incorporation of the Danse Macabre motif and consider it a great central element to your song. You started this piece off so strongly with the internal rhyming and structure, it had a lot of natural movement. The commentary on turning something that was once strictly feared into a Halloween costume—thus making the real deal virtually unrecognizable on this night—was a nice touch. Loved the queue couplet and the implication that supernatural occurrences around Halloween are just spirits of family and friends saying hello and letting their presence be known rather than something to fear. It’s after this point that you lost me a little bit, as you acknowledged it’s really quite random, but I mean… it kinda works and is kinda cute and camp so whatever? I don’t think it’s the strongest way you could have ended this song, but it’s not bad or anything. It’s no “Lands” (which was robbed), but I still enjoyed reading this a lot. 5. @Hug - “Shadow Hearts” I wish you hadn’t admitted to repurposing an old song in the thread… we should all know less about each other! Truly I’m not that adverse to expanding on old song ideas, and we have bigger fish to fry at this particular time, but a 100% original song completely written within the allocated time frame will always be preferred. Just an FYI to anyone else who may be reading this review. Right off the bat I’m calling out, “I’m not wary but I’m cautious,” babe these are literally synonyms. 💀 “You let out all your inner demons / So they can live inside of me,” was really good. The image of eyes burning your blood asunder just doesn’t work for me… what does this even mean? Rhyming “tense” with “intense” in the second verse… Hug A. Mari. The second half of the second verse though… flawless. Then we’re hit with flaming broken blood again. The bridge was almost perfect, but I will never NOT be able to read, “it’s true, it’s true” in Jimin— I mean, Oli London’s voice, so that kind of took me out of the immersion there a bit. Overall this was a mixed bag, definitely more good than bad, but the bad— these are not things I would expect from a writer of your caliber with your repertoire. Let’s do better next week. 6. @stupidjock - “Tyra Banks” I knew this was going to be an iconic entry from the title alone… and boy was I not mistaken. The sampled intro… c’mon camp. I was physically wheezing, coughing, and spluttering by the end of this song. The dramatics of considering being left by someone a fate worse than seeing a ghost is so on brand for reality TV, I cannot. The alien faces in the toast followed up by the lyric about almost tasting them… so unserious. The chorus was a legitimate bop, I can’t deny. This whole song honestly feels like a fever dream, the “(one [ghost] stayed and watched)” completely sells that for me, as I can envision it being whispered seductively in the background. “In [sic] need your spiderweb shot deep into me,” Miss cupcakKe?! This is kinda your “escargot” moment. I’m raising my hand, I’m sufficiently scared. This was a wild ride, but I’m pleased to see you had a lot of fun with this. 7. @Antikythera - “Knives Out (After Party)” OK so we’ve got back to back camp… I love this for us. I knew this round had the potential to go either really dark or really unserious, and it’s nice to see we’ve had a bit of a mix between the two. Let me just start off by saying that this song took me on a rather unexpected journey, in an endearing way. I will say that I think “Amsterdam (Lekker D)” had more cohesion in what type of song it knew it wanted to be, whereas this was a bit more all over the place in such a way that could only truly work for this challenge. Conceptually I think you have something really solid—drawing inspiration from women who had experienced abuse was a powerful sentiment. I don’t think it came across as empowering or hard-hitting as perhaps intended, but it still works. I don’t think I’ve seen a more eclectic collection of women mentioned in a single song, so props for that. I screamed @ the rap, we love a risk-taking writer! Rap delivery is so important, and while it started off average, it peaked in the *******/precinct/instinct/indistinct quatrain, and the references to each individual lady were clever and fun. 8. @worldwide angel - “Sundiving” Cool and intriguing title was my first impression. Thankfully this carried through to the song itself, I definitely got “Kill Bill” vibes, so I wasn’t at all surprised to see you acknowledge that specifically in your other information section. Honestly, I don’t think I’ve seen an entry quite like this in Golden Hit thus far. We’ve obviously had songs about unfaithful partners before, but this is very unique in its approach to the relationship, and the aftermath. The way you phrase everything in this song is so delicately crafted: “all i did was listen, like i always do / couldn’t help it, had to follow you,” evokes such a strong image of someone lovingly watching their partner sleep, and having that serenity and peace ripped away from them in an instant with the utterance of a name. Somehow things get even better in the second verse, their depth of their devotion becoming clear with lyrics such as, “you were so sweet to me / tasted like summertime / even though i love the snow / i would give it up, give all for you“. The bridge… how does each new section keep getting stronger? “at least adam and eve were deceived / you were lucifer in my sheets“ might be my favorite couplet of the season thus far. Your approach to this challenge is one I’d consider far from obvious, yet it works so well. Another brilliant offering from you! 9. @réveuse - “Broom” I’m pleased to see you submit something with a bit more body this week, that’s more like it! The core concept of this song was really unexpected, I liked that you subverted the trope of a witch causing havoc during Halloween by having the human narrator ruin Halloween for the witch. Fun! The verses, particularly the second one, are the strongest here; establishing your intentions in the first one and then theorizing ways to bring them to reality in the second. Good sense of progression there. Where this song faltered a bit is its incessant use of repetition. A little repetition can be catchy and fun, a lot of repetition can get old quickly. For instance, out of the 40 words in your chorus, 19 of them are just the word “now”... that’s basically half, with the remaining half just being three instances of, “I’m gonna snatch that broom of hers”. While it may sound catchy in a recorded song, it doesn’t make for the most lyrically enthralling read, which is the distinction Golden Hit aims to make. 10. @Hey Dude - “Wicked Rose” Now we’re getting into the deep cuts… how did you even come up with this narrative? So let me get this right… We have a woman who turns to witchcraft to get back at her abusive partner, eventually murdering him. She feels some remorse but ultimately concludes he had it coming and proceeds to follow a life of witchcraft, abandoning and somehow forgetting about the child they had together in the process? A traumatic event for the child which ultimately leads to their death? Wow. While I definitely admire this piece’s creativity, I almost feel like it could have been a stronger, more compelling narrative without the supernatural elements. Had it solely focused on the murder of the abusive partner and the trauma it caused the widow, becoming so distant from her son she neglects him and forgets about his existence, then doesn’t even know he has died… I feel that would be compelling and haunting enough to satisfy this challenge. You always go the extra mile however, and I have to once again commend your creativity. 11. @blackoutbaby - “Dancing Under the Blood Moon” I was absolutely not expecting a politically conscious song with a social message this round, let alone from the “Paris Bítch” chanteuse herself, so color me surprised on two counts! This was such a pleasant surprise, and I love your innovative approach to this challenge. With your song acknowledging the real “horrors” of the world as corruption and immorality rather than ghosts or demons, your song is certainly conceptually one of the most poignant of the round. Ironically, I can also see Kim Petras singing this song—for completely different reasons to your last offering. This definitely could fit in the realm of ‘TURN OFF THE LIGHT’ or ‘Feed The Beast’, for instance. While I loved your “escargot” lyric last round, I didn’t consider the remainder of your song to be as strong. This song however is solid from start to finish. The metaphor of “dancing under the blood moon” is so tangible and accessible, while also sounding really cool too and evoking a strong image. Wonderful writing! 12. @fountain - “Killer Whales of the Zombie Strain; “Cognisance”” Not you hating Halloween when it was your idea to host a Halloween Special *and* participate in it as your first unofficial submission for Golden Hit… what? I was still overseas when you submitted the original entry, so I’m glad to finally have a chance to read it prior to/alongside your latest offering. I think this “Halloween universe” where things are not what they seem is a very clever idea and essentially sets a limitless landscape for you to play around in lyrically without anything seeming out of place because… well, everything is intentionally out of place. That said, you still could have ventured into “goofy” territory, or something that just felt outside the box for the sake of being absurd, yet your submission here has a whole lot of heart and deeper meaning. I already know I am going to have to read this one multiple times before I can even think of assigning you a score, but just know that I consider this to be a pleasant surprise packed with an unexpected amount of soul. ⚜️ Your next challenge will be posted by the judges in approximately 9 hours. We hope you're okay with this choice. Results for this second round will take place in the coming days at a time to be determined. We'll see you there!
Jackson Posted November 4, 2023 Author Posted November 4, 2023 Going to start on reviews now. I hope to have them up today but could be tomorrow 2
Hug Posted November 4, 2023 Posted November 4, 2023 So the biggest reason I decided to admit to what I did for this round is because I think I may have shared it in a thread before and it might have unlocked a subconscious memory in one of the judges. I figured I'd be safe and just say what I did, rather than look like I'm trying to pull the wool over someone's eyes. I'd also quote your review @Aurora but I'm on mobile and that's a bit annoying to do, but in general I agree. All I can really say in defense is I was stumped. My only other alternative was to just not submit at that point. I love writing to challenges and taking from my scrap bin is effectively saying I give up, but...yeah I kinda did this round. (It being from the scrap bin from...literally PH days, is indicative of a lot of your issues I fear ) I can only hope this upcoming round doesn't beat my ass as hard as this one did. 1
Aurora Posted November 4, 2023 Posted November 4, 2023 2 hours ago, Hug said: So the biggest reason I decided to admit to what I did for this round is because I think I may have shared it in a thread before and it might have unlocked a subconscious memory in one of the judges. I figured I'd be safe and just say what I did, rather than look like I'm trying to pull the wool over someone's eyes. I'd also quote your review @Aurora but I'm on mobile and that's a bit annoying to do, but in general I agree. All I can really say in defense is I was stumped. My only other alternative was to just not submit at that point. I love writing to challenges and taking from my scrap bin is effectively saying I give up, but...yeah I kinda did this round. (It being from the scrap bin from...literally PH days, is indicative of a lot of your issues I fear ) I can only hope this upcoming round doesn't beat my ass as hard as this one did. To clarify, I haven't yet scored any songs and I don't plan on deducting many (if any) points for repurposing an old demo. It's always been a sort of grey area, yet never explicitly prohibited. As long as it's still 100% your original lyrics I think it's acceptable. Especially in a round where I literally included the text "see what ideas you bring back to life" which may have been misinterpreted as encouraging this rather than just me making a bad pun. I'm glad you submitted and will always encourage pushing through writer's block rather than giving up. I don't tend to write reviews longer than a paragraph because I believe there's a threshold when too much feedback is actually more detrimental than beneficial and is easier to ignore everything than take on the one or two pointers that are specifically highlighted. There are certainly more things I enjoyed about your song than those I listed, but I wanted to utilise the review space to highlight my main critiques. I think this piece was perhaps one good editing session away from being a real gem. You were still in the top half of submissions, so you had time to do this. You're in a great position as a two-time winner with nothing to prove and a free round at some point in this season to skip or gamble with. I would have loved to see you just lose yourself and have fun last round, but perhaps this upcoming one (or another later on) can be just that.
Recommended Posts