discussion Is It Immoral To Buy Sex?

[Robert]

It is complicated because a lot of sex workers are in the industry due to exploitation and there are many links between the sex industry and criminal groups/human traffickers. Ofc, if a person is a sex worker of their own free choice, it is ethical but it's hard to know the truth sometimes. 

Edited October 11, 2023 by Robert

[MonsterTown]

21 minutes ago, GraceRandolph said:

I think this is a one dimensional view of all that is now under the sex worker umbrella. As @The Man Who discussed, some buyers want more of a boyfriend experience, or don't want any sex at all, but rather companionship, others are saying sex work is there for people who are uncomfortable to share fantasies with partners, and some are arguing that sex workers are needed for unattractive or socially awkward people to use since they have difficulties getting partners. It seems like people are expecting sex workers to do A LOT beyond a night of good sex.

 yeah i mean we can talk about every possible reason... but if the sex workers pleases everything and anything  for  money, then sure people are going to expect more from them, they selling some type of therapeutic companion service type of sh*t beside just "sex" .....
anyway this thread is about if  its "immoral to BUY sex" well is not, since is not immoral to be a sex worker and offer sex for money right? you can't blame them.

[Wicked]

paying for sex is not just because you can't get it otherwise, actually it's the opposite in most cases  Lot of people buying sex cause it's convenient and cuts out things like dating and vetting, some just want a quiet affair on the side, some are into BDSM and can't explore that with vanilla people so find someone that does it for a price, etc,.

 

Maybe it is "immoral" but so many things are depending on who you ask.

[Kiel D-01]

Might be a you problem yeah. I personally don’t see anything wrong with it provided that it’s consensual. 

[PopKills]

Depends on your morals obviously and while I wouldn't do it I don't see why to see it as immoral if someone has the need to. 

[The7thStranger]

15 hours ago, GraceRandolph said:

Those “worst case scenarios” aren’t some rare occurrence. They are the conditions under which most “money exchange sex” has occurred over the history of the sex trade. 

But you were the one who posed this moral question. Logically, it doesn't matter whether "most" of the sex exchanged for money (or goods) was under duress or not, because this is a condition that modifies the original question. You have to strip that away and take your thumb from the scale if you want to get an answer.

 

Let's put it this way: Is it immoral for another person to offer me $100 to perform a sex act? And is it immoral for me to accept it?

 

My social standing, job prospects, or living situation notwithstanding.

[DamianSolo]

I wouldn't say it's "immoral," as much as it's desperate if you have to pay someone to have sex with you.

[superben]

Sex is not that "sacred" thing, so why bother with how someone engages in their sexual activities?

[GraceRandolph]

1 hour ago, The7thStranger said:

But you were the one who posed this moral question. Logically, it doesn't matter whether "most" of the sex exchanged for money (or goods) was under duress or not, because this is a condition that modifies the original question. You have to strip that away and take your thumb from the scale if you want to get an answer.

 

Let's put it this way: Is it immoral for another person to offer me $100 to perform a sex act? And is it immoral for me to accept it?

 

My social standing, job prospects, or living situation notwithstanding.

I would say it is immoral to commodify human sexuality. I had a sexual encounter recently where I decided I didn't want to continue early on, because I just wasn't feeling it, if I had been paid I would feel the need to continue despite my desire to stop. Can you see why this simplistic framing doesn't paint a full picture of the morality and potential coercion of a situation?

[UnusualBoy]

I don't know if I would call it immoral, it's just something I wouldn't do tho.

[The7thStranger]

4 minutes ago, GraceRandolph said:

I would say it is immoral to commodify human sexuality. I had a sexual encounter recently where I decided I didn't want to continue early on, because I just wasn't feeling it, if I had been paid I would feel the need to continue despite my desire to stop. Can you see why this simplistic framing doesn't paint a full picture of the morality and potential coercion of a situation?

Everything you've written here is a perfectly sound reason.

 

When we talk about logic, we have to strip things down to their most fundamental elements. Simplistic framing is necessary.

 

I don't agree with your reasoning personally, but it's sound and answers the question.

[zasderfght]

Like you pointed out, you just don't get it, and that's perfectly fine. Personally, if something/someone is not directly harming me, themselves, or society, by extension, I don't really care. I'm not sure how old you are or what your current life situation is (or, really, what your moral and/or spiritual and/or religious compass looks like), but when you have to pay bills, utilities, you work a Monday-Friday job, you have to cook/clean, spend time with your partner (these are all things I enjoy doing-- don't get me wrong, but occasionally you are reminded 'yeah, this is work'), stuff like this just doesn't seem... that deep? Maybe I'm being insensitive to your viewpoint, but for me, someone directly opposing me just because I'm gay or someone refusing to treat me medically because I'm an atheist and they're religious-- those are things I would be more up in arms about. I would even say veganism, which you are a huge advocate of, carries more weight, because that deals with the exploitation/profit/death of sentient beings. This? As long as people receiving/paying for the service are all consenting adults, I don't see a moral issue, and I'm a pretty monogamous, one-man-army kind of guy that's also not that sexual of a person, but then again, I do have a chronic pain condition, so sex isn't super enjoyable for me. 

[TROJAN]

Yes and it’s weird.  
 

k bye 4 now ☀️ 

[Sheep]

2 hours ago, GraceRandolph said:

I would say it is immoral to commodify human sexuality. I had a sexual encounter recently where I decided I didn't want to continue early on, because I just wasn't feeling it, if I had been paid I would feel the need to continue despite my desire to stop. Can you see why this simplistic framing doesn't paint a full picture of the morality and potential coercion of a situation?

Businesses refuse customers or abandon contracts all the time.

[SLAG]

2 hours ago, GraceRandolph said:

I would say it is immoral to commodify human sexuality. I had a sexual encounter recently where I decided I didn't want to continue early on, because I just wasn't feeling it, if I had been paid I would feel the need to continue despite my desire to stop. Can you see why this simplistic framing doesn't paint a full picture of the morality and potential coercion of a situation?

You’re saying that if a sex worker is paid they will feel like they have to continue having sex with someone? I’m sure they mostly wouldn’t care as they’ve already gotten their money. Your problem seems to be that you just assume the worst in people. Maybe work on yourself and let other people live their lives because atp you’re just saying anything to try to make your point.

[KevinKDC]

Oh wow. This can’t be a coincidence. I just had my first experience Sunday.

 

And honestly I don’t have an answer; as im still figuring it out for myself.

 

I’m going out on a limb to be vulnerable with yall so I hope we can be delicate with this.

 

Past Sunday I had my first experience with paying for sex via a grindr date.

 

The why: I have severely trust and abandonnement issues. I’ve been raped trice in my life and have a very complicated relationship with sex. The complication; or more the paradox is that  I have a very high sex drive, but I’m very untrusting with sharing my body with a stranger. I’ve had multiple consistent **** buddies over the years and a couple of one night stands. 5 years ago I was raped by a grindr date; which triggered all my issues and me incapable of meeting someone after that. So I kept going back to pass relationships of mine for sex, but my most recent ex became a drug addict and It was a very unsafe environment. So now i’m at a crossroad where I want sex, but i’m scared and untrusting of every man in waking life. Suddenly I find someone who is proposing to exchange sex with money… And because i’’m very business oriented my mindset was like you can trust this; it’s like every other  transactions; you list the ground rules and services; the do’s and dont’s… I don’t want to have a friend with benefits cuz they eventually become a relationship and I don’t want one currently. So this seemed like a very logical decision for me. Use condom; lay ground rules, have it when I wanted and that’s it.

 

How it went: Jesus I was nervous as ****. But he was a complete gentleman and was very patient with me. And the sex was a bit awkward at first; like first encounters usually are, but it was satisfying and know the experience would be even better the second time.

 

What now: I honestly don’t know. I’m struggling with it of the money part. I’ve never had to do it before, and I know I don’t need to cuz I know i’m attractive enough to get sex, as my body count is evidence enough in the past, but currently I’m just scared of men and for some reason paying for sex atm makes me feel a lot less scared. And i am dealing with the trauma; I had a three hour session today in therapy about the trauma so I am healing, but im not ready to trust yet; so in the meantime I might make use of the service that is provided.

 

So yeah; this is just my experience and just wanted to say it isn’t black or white, but it does feel a tad bit immoral, but hell so did being gay… so im trying to be open minded and explore what works for me I guess. 
 

[Gesamtkunstwerk]

Inherently no, but how it is, how it's been and how it will always be is that a lot of sex workers only do it out of desperation and have unhealthy relationship with themselves, their sexuality, their boundaries and body and buying their service is exploiting them.

 

The whole idea of a happy sex worker that is doing it completely out of free will is something being pushed by men so they won't feel morally wrong when buying sex and can keep on exploiting women and men selling sex. Unfortunately so many sex-positive people took this narrative and ran with it too.

 

I don't think everybody who ever bought sex from another person are bad people with bad intention. Many are just desperate for some kind of affection and affirmation. But I think a lot of people willingly look away from the consequences of having to sell yourself.

[simplywohoo]

If it's a sex worker selling their services on their own terms then obviously not. 

if it's a sex worker that simply wants to earn more money than with their regular retail job, it's still not immoral. they are not forced to do it.

 

if it's a victim to abuse, aided by human trafficking or a person that really can't get any job and is therefore forced to do it, obviously the answer is yes.

however either the op's choice of word was very poor since they seem to put those all in the same category or they lack the skill of critical thinking.

it is not possible to answer the question in the op with a simple yes or no.

edit: i also think it's problematic to portray every consumer of sex work as immoral or even rapists, since this ultimately affects the sex workes that love and rely on their money. it also takes away from those people's ability to judge their situations by themselves.
it's very important to differentiate.

Edited October 12, 2023 by simplywohoo

[kyle256]

On 10/11/2023 at 1:52 AM, GraceRandolph said:

I don’t get the appeal of buying sex at all, and honestly kind of judge people who would buy sex. Although I understand that we need to destigamtize sex workers, I don’t think we should be uncritical of the overall industry, or reasons why people may be buying sex. I just don’t get how I could get off having sex with someone who wouldn’t have sex with me without cash.

As long as she has Accepted Why be Disturbed by  what 2 adults are doing 

[brazil]

On 10/10/2023 at 8:12 PM, GraceRandolph said:

Why are they not just looking for people who would consent to have sex with them? I don’t get it. 

There is consent though, I think you're getting things confused. The sex worker can say no and doesn't need to sell their body (of course there are instances where consent isn't there, and that's when it becomes wrong).

[GraceRandolph]

On 10/11/2023 at 3:17 PM, SLAG said:

You’re saying that if a sex worker is paid they will feel like they have to continue having sex with someone? I’m sure they mostly wouldn’t care as they’ve already gotten their money. Your problem seems to be that you just assume the worst in people. Maybe work on yourself and let other people live their lives because atp you’re just saying anything to try to make your point.

Money doesn't guarantee you will consent to sex for an entire session. I've read stories of sex workers who were required to dress up in the clothes of a sex buyer's relative and roleplay as them, or have sex with a knife pressed to their throat, others quit after being asked to abuse animals. There are a lot of scenarios a sex worker could agree to at first and then change their mind about midway through.

[Lost In Paradise]

it's not about "paying for someone hotter than you to have sex with you"

 

it's just a power thing.

 

for the buyer, who usually has money to throw away, it gives them a rush of having power over someone who would accept money in exchange for their body. they need YOUR money. you're literally buying a person for a set amount of time.

 

at least that's how my straight friends who have paid for sex describe it

[prézli]

I, as a gray asexual, say yes, it is.

[GraceRandolph]

11 hours ago, Lost In Paradise said:

it's not about "paying for someone hotter than you to have sex with you"

 

it's just a power thing.

 

for the buyer, who usually has money to throw away, it gives them a rush of having power over someone who would accept money in exchange for their body. they need YOUR money. you're literally buying a person for a set amount of time.

 

at least that's how my straight friends who have paid for sex describe it

Yeah, I also think there's a difference between anxious and/or lonely buyers, and the typical sex buyer who wants to buy sex to feel power over someone.

[FreeXone]

No it is not immoral. Some people want to live out their fantasies and fetishes and sex workers provide that!

 

Sex work is REAL WORK. 
 

It is only immoral if they are paying for underage, or they are buying someone abused and forced to do it. 
 

If someone is selling it on their own accord then no. Not at all.

 

signed a previous sex worker. 

Edited October 13, 2023 by FreeXone