discussion Would it be easy to just say "not interested anymore" instead of ghosting?

[BrentB]

What do you think? We all hate being ghosted but are guilty of doing the ghosting at one point in time. Would it really be daunting for us to face that one dude who said hi a few weeks ago and tapped again just this Saturday and say "Hey sorry not interested anymore?"

 

Now this isn't at all insinuating that we should respond to all "Hey Sup?"s. This is focused moreso on people who one has already been with but had a wicked post nut clarity in which they just knew it would always be a one time thing .

 

Is this a reasonable thing we as a community should start to adapt some more? Is it as simple as three or five words? Or is it asking too much and we should just get accustomed to no closure?

[Dancehall Queen]

Hm.. I guess it depends on the person and situation. Sometimes it really doesn’t need to be a discussion and you know the other person will make it one or get aggressive. 

[Devin]

I feel like ghostin is appropriate when the person is rude, major turn off, etc. 

 

But if its someone that’s been good to you but that spark isn’t there (maybe not atm), you should speak up. Therefore neither of you are wasting eachother’s time.

[samsclubPRESENTSavam]

if that's what you're comfortable with, go ahead. unfortunately direct rejection like that hinges on knowing if the person is mature enough to shrug it off and keep it moving or if it will open some wounds for them. personally anyone I've ghosted I didn't know well enough to even gauge if they'd become violent or not so that's not a risk I would want.

 

[Devin]

7 minutes ago, samsclubPRESENTSavam said:

if that's what you're comfortable with, go ahead. unfortunately direct rejection like that hinges on knowing if the person is mature enough to shrug it off and keep it moving or if it will open some wounds for them. personally anyone I've ghosted I didn't know well enough to even gauge if they'd become violent or not so that's not a risk I would want.

 

Good point actually. I notice some people ghost outta fear and don’t wanna become a victim stalking, sex abuse, etc. 

 

I guess it does depend on the person and how well you know them. 

[Breathe On Moi]

9/10 I get cursed out for saying not interested, so at times ghosting/not answering at all can be best. 

[JoeAg]

in theory yes

 

I swore off of ghosting last year, and I think my prefrontal cortex developing helped with that decision lol

fr I used to ghost people ALL the time, and it was bad, and it was unfair, and I learned how it affected people and still did it for a bit too long, cause i simply couldn't bear to let people down gently! a very rough thing to do. ghosting feels like an easy way out, but you really have to consider how the other person feels at the end of the day. hell, I've been ghosted quite a bit as well... the thing is though: it's so much harder in practice than in theory to let people down, especially if you have a damn guilty conscience that has been weighing on you since childhood. but if you prepare a script and run it by some good friends and stick to it, then it'll come easier

[Frappucino]

I personally just say I'm not interested so I don't waste people's time cuz that's rude 

[Rotunda]

 

[Tropez]

Just block and move on. 

[Aethereal]

I prefer not interested tbh. 

[FreeXone]

I told a guy not interested once and he cursed me TF out and went nuts lol 

 

It can be hostile sometimes for women/transwomen

 

Men get butthurt if you don’t even give you their number. I tried to give a fake number and he literally sat there waiting for it to ring 

Edited September 19, 2023 by FreeXone

[Digitalism]

Relationships are not that easy

Some people won't accept the truth or they will even get violent. Sometimes ghosting is self preservation

[LittleStarmen]

Its ok to ghost if you are not close or never met irl

 

its rude if you had an actual relationship

[zasderfght]

6 minutes ago, LittleStarmen said:

Its ok to ghost if you are not close or never met irl

 

its rude if you had an actual relationship

This. 

[Donquizote]

If the person doesn't look like his picture in real life, a simple I'm not interested once you meet him is suffice.

If the person used to hook up with you and you're not interested to meet him anymore, ghosting is appropriate. No more discussion is needed.

 

[brenda-walsh]

depends on the situation. i hooked up with this guy last week but wasn't really into him and i blocked him afterwards because he has my address on grindr. i know he can still probably search for it in his maps history but i'd rather that than it be easily available to him

[Nightingale]

It depends. I’ve had people be nasty to me because I just didn’t respond to a message. Some people are crazy and sometimes I’d rather not find out which one you are. Especially if you shared some personal information and they know where you live or work, etc.  

 

I’ve also told people I’m not interested and then they start asking why not and they don’t take no for an answer. It’s  just awkward.

[DamianSolo]

If it's someone you've been talking to for a day, then it's okay to just "ghost." But if it's someone you've regularly talked to for months or even weeks and everything has been seemingly going well and you know that person is into you, then it would be incredibly dirty to just ghost them. At that point, just be upfront and honest. To leave them wondering what they did wrong or what happened is just cruel.

[OnikaSlays]

I don’t think what you’re describing is considered ghosting. You are not entitled to give an internet stranger a response.

 

However, yes, if you’ve allowed someone to invest time and feelings into you, it’s inconsiderate to not give them closure once you lose interest.

Edited September 19, 2023 by OnikaSlays

[Gyal]

i think if it's only been a few dates then it's fine, like why are you so heavily invested already?

[Cyanide]

Someone that I’ve hooked up with a few times texted me yesterday to have a more intimate hang. I don’t feel an emotional connection to him and don’t really wanna pursue that, also building a relationship with someone else. didn’t know what to say so left the text in my inbox but this thread is making me realize I should reply, just don’t know what to say 

 

im also toxic because since I’ve had some traumatic dating experiences, this year especially when I’ve stopped answering people I think “well he would have no problem doing it to me if the shoe was on the other foot so??” And I know it’s so bad and I probably wouldn’t admit that IRL but there

[Alldeezy]

for most cases yes however if the guy never takes the hint etc. then ghosting is the only way. 

 

like some guys

 

Spoiler

me: i only want a friend nothing more

him: its okay ill take it slow with you but can i still have a kiss

me: im not interested in you in that way 

him: oh but can i still kiss you

 

then a friend was like

she's not interested

and his like oh your funny... i don't believe you we are a match!

 

ghosting sometimes is the only way to get rid of desperate creeps like that fella. 

[AMIT]

Yeah I have been cursed out and insisted on for saying I'm not interested, though I know ghosting is bad more often than not. I guess it is more of a case by case situation. Overall we don't like being ghosted, but many don't have the emotional maturity to handle rejection either so it's like you're stuck between a rock and a hard place and then ghosting becomes the easy way out. 

[leyaris11]

Yes, you should say it under any circumstance. Ghosting is cruel.