discussion Why are we expected to "come out"?

[montacelo]

2 hours ago, LittleStarmen said:

First scenario they are gonna ask why you are not interested if she/he is beautiful/perfect for you and you are single and bla bla bla.

 

Second scenario, someone can assume you are married with a woman and then you have to explain still... Your boss will tell to bring your wife to the work event and stuff like that...

We’ll just tell them the conversation ended at “not interested”. I guess it’s a good thing I don’t or the people I know don’t deal with pushy people like that. (As most people shouldn’t)
 

Explain that’s it is not a woman? What more is there to say than that? Regardless there’s no rule that you have to bring S/O to work functions either. 

[John Slayne]

coming out is bollocks to me now. i get why people do it and why it's a thing but at this point in my life i am not interested in putting on a show for cishets so they can either pity me, say being gay is okay (i know it is), express disapproval, or hurl abuse. when someone asks me about my dating life i'm happy to tell them about and reference men, but i don't want to give the other person an opportunity to comment on my sexuality because i actually really don't care what they think about it

 

edit: i will say that in my private life i'm surrounded by queer people and i frequent queer spaces most of the time so people would be more surprised if i 'came out' as straight lol. at work i'm happy to say that although i'm one of the few queer people in the office, where i live most people are accepting and don't see it as a big deal. 

Edited August 14, 2023 by John Slayne

[LittleStarmen]

1 hour ago, montacelo said:

We’ll just tell them the conversation ended at “not interested”. I guess it’s a good thing I don’t or the people I know don’t deal with pushy people like that. (As most people shouldn’t)
 

Explain that’s it is not a woman? What more is there to say than that? Regardless there’s no rule that you have to bring S/O to work functions either. 

what you are describring is living in the closet babe.

[Gladiator]

I've always not understood the need for someone to come out. I never really came out, but I also never really was hiding it. If someone asked, I told them. If it was relevant to something we were talking about, then I would mention it without thinking anything of it (or I would allude to it). It's really nobody's concern who I sleep with other than who I sleep with. But I also don't really identify as my sexuality. It is just something that happens to be what it is.

[Xtina23]

I've never really came out. All I remember is my roommates coming in while I had a 6'4" man on top and inside of me and they closed the door. No one has ever asked me nothing, ever.

[Better Mistakes]

18 hours ago, John Slayne said:

coming out is bollocks to me now. i get why people do it and why it's a thing but at this point in my life i am not interested in putting on a show for cishets so they can either pity me, say being gay is okay (i know it is), express disapproval, or hurl abuse. when someone asks me about my dating life i'm happy to tell them about and reference men, but i don't want to give the other person an opportunity to comment on my sexuality because i actually really don't care what they think about it

 

edit: i will say that in my private life i'm surrounded by queer people and i frequent queer spaces most of the time so people would be more surprised if i 'came out' as straight lol. at work i'm happy to say that although i'm one of the few queer people in the office, where i live most people are accepting and don't see it as a big deal. 

How did you find these queer people you are surrounded by? I’ve found looking into social circles more having watched Heartstopper there seems a bit of divide between being surrounded by and knowing little to no others 

[John Slayne]

22 minutes ago, Better Mistakes said:

How did you find these queer people you are surrounded by? I’ve found looking into social circles more having watched Heartstopper there seems a bit of divide between being surrounded by and knowing little to no others 

i live in a small city. the community is not big, but there's a small drag scene where i sometimes perform and i go and support them regularly. i am also involved in our local pride charity, so i know the gheys from there too. then i have my queer friends i met through dating apps or other queer people. 

 

i imagine if you live in a small town this would be a lot more challenging if not impossible, but where i live (the UK) even smaller cities usually have some gay stuff going on so there's opportunities to meet.

 

i'm also a serial dater and people i date are obviously queer too so my time spent with the straights outside of work is very limited 

Edited August 15, 2023 by John Slayne

[Quiqui4eva]

I agree in the sense that there doesn’t need to be a dramatic sit down ending in tears and hugs. But there’s also a difference between mentioning it in passing if relevant and going out of your way to avoid any topic that may reveal your sexuality. If the latter, people will assume you’re insecure and speculate behind your back anyways. 
 

We’re going to be coming out to people we meet all the time, so it’s better to just say it without a care like the straights do and keep it moving (if you’re at least in a semi-accepting area, of course!)
 

 

Edited August 15, 2023 by Quiqui4eva

[spree]

well its for your own good, really.  Staying in the closet your whole life is not a good thing.  I think at some point you just have to say **** it and live your own life and not the life others want you to live.  On your own terms, that is.  I'm not for people outing other people.

 

I remember back in the day when I was training a new server at the restaurant i was working in, I sat her down and pretty much immediately told her I was gay.  She said "are you comfortable saying that?" and I said "yes, and it avoids all those "what if?" questions later on".

Edited August 15, 2023 by spree