Before Today Posted July 16, 2023 Posted July 16, 2023 What are some advices/things that you realized about a relationship? 1. If you're unsure about a relationship, you don't want the relationship. 2. Always be nice, even if the other person turns out to be a dick. It means they're not deserving of you. There will be a person who can appreciate you. BONUS QUESTION: What's your love language? I realized quality time is the most important thing for me. Quality time > physical touch > words of affirmation > act of service > gifts
DamianSolo Posted July 16, 2023 Posted July 16, 2023 Be patience with us introverts. We could love you to the moon and back, but still regularly need our space. Between working and the daily tasks of everyday life, if I have a free day—sometimes I would rather spend it doing my own thing. My love language, though, is words of affirmation and acts of service. I'm fully committed, even if from a distance at times. 2
Artist Posted July 16, 2023 Posted July 16, 2023 1. A relationship is a mirror of your beliefs about relationships as well as all the relationships you've observed. 2. You can have a lovely, faithful, fun and thriving relationship but if you think you can't you will not. 3. Relationships should be fun and growing 4. Don't self sabotage because people around you are failing at love and don't let people tell you how to love 5. Anyone can find love, straight, gay, alien 6. You won't believe someone can love you if you don't love yourself or have healthy thoughts about love 7. If you're failing at love, check you beliefs and thoughts 8. A relationship is between people in the relationship. Quality time.
zasderfght Posted July 16, 2023 Posted July 16, 2023 (edited) 1 hour ago, Before Today said: What are some advices/things that you realized about a relationship? 1. If you're unsure about a relationship, you don't want the relationship. 2. Always be nice, even if the other person turns out to be a dick. It means they're not deserving of you. There will be a person who can appreciate you. BONUS QUESTION: What's your love language? I realized quality time is the most important thing for me. Quality time > physical touch > words of affirmation > act of service > gifts Advantages (in no particular ranking): 1. When c-wrap hits the fan, your partner is there. When c-wrap hits the fan when you're single, it can be a lot more depressing to go through it alone. 2. You're sharing your life and memories with someone. That's a deeply intimate thing-- especially if you've spent weeks/weekends/you live with them. You get to see what makes them THEM. All the nerdy math apps/games they like. The way they handle conflict. The way they show not only you but loved ones how they show you their love language. 3. Less of a need to get tested for STIs or taking PreP/Discovey/Pep. I'm in a monogamous relationship, so maybe this will skew differently, but since my partner and I decided we are exclusive to each other romantically/sexually, we trust each other enough to know our current STI status is most likely not going to change as we're together. I remember in my hookup days, I thought every weird physical bodily sensation meant I had an STI. Not to STI-shame, but if I learned I was positive for an STI and/or needed antibiotics and/or other medications to treat it, I'd imagine it'd raise my anxiety levels considerably. Disadvantages (in no particular ranking): 1. Life is busy as an adult. You (typically) have a 40+ hour week full-time job, your own apartment to upkeep/clean, and me, having a pain condition, means even more of my free time is sacrificed to doctor visits. Then I have time I give to my close friends. It can be very difficult to find your alone time at first. 2. It's still work. Your partner is having a bad day. Yes, they're an adult & that's on them to figure out, but if you love them, even if you have zero free time, a call, a quick visit-- something comforting-- is expected of you as their partner. And rightfully so. You two are there to emotionally support each other. There were times my partner would get beat up over things I'd be like "Really? I wouldn't even think twice about this situation," and not only do you have to validate their emotional response, compromise, listening, understanding, and appropriate change is needed. This comes with time, practice, and work. 3. There will be times you see cute men or cute men might approach you, and you might be tempted to sleep with them or be flirty. Don't. Luckily, I love my partner too much to cheat on him, and I'd like to think vice-versa, but yeah, it's one thing to watch p-word and masturbate-- it is outright different to completely have a one night stand with someone else & completely break that trust. I would even say if you're talking to another guy with the intention of something outside a friendship-- don't. What I would tell people that haven't been in a long-term relationship is that it is WORLDS different than dating. With dating, you get the butterfly feeling. You want to have sex with them all the time. Life seems like it can't get any better. When the honeymoon phase ends, it's not that the relationship gets worse-- it just matures. And maturation is a great thing, but if you're stuck in your partying/hooking up-phase, yeah, I don't think a serious relationship is something you want to embark on atm. Love Language: Acts of service. Having chronic pain, I love my hugs/kisses, but sometimes I don't like to be touched because it can physically hurt. Words of affirmation is nice, but to me talk is cheap. Actions speak louder. Quality time is also great, but I'm the kind of person that can not see my partner in a few days-- maybe a week at most, and I'll be completely fine. But when my partner does little things-- I love those. It sticks out. It's unique, non-invasive, and doesn't require much effort. Edited July 16, 2023 by zasderfght
airplane Posted July 16, 2023 Posted July 16, 2023 never marry or sign a contract of any sort with your partner
Lady Claire Posted July 16, 2023 Posted July 16, 2023 That you can’t be sad over things you don’t have control of, unfortunately. I mean you can, but there’s nothing you can do about it. Only move forward or forgive and forget. This will be probably my biggest 2023 lesson. 1 hour ago, Before Today said: . Always be nice, even if the other person turns out to be a dick. It means they're not deserving of you. There will be a person who can appreciate you. And I needed to read this today.
John Slayne Posted July 16, 2023 Posted July 16, 2023 i express love by giving quality time and acts of service. i receive love from quality time and words of affirmation (but it has to be thoughtful). i'm also quite sentimental and like gifts, but not the expensive ones... i'm really into small gifts that show the person thought of you and they knew bringing you this small thing would make your day.
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