I'm so tired of everything, why is this life so hard when you're gay ?

[MoonGoodandHappy]

So, all my relationships were a fail. I always got ghosted or violently rejected for no reasons and i'm so tired now. 

I've met a guy and he was so beautiful, he was perfect, and i had so much hope this time, he was so nice and very attractive. All my relationships before him were horrible/a fail, so this time i was like "maybe he's the one".... and today he left me for no reasons (like all my ex boyfriends) and texted me that he "wish me the best" without no explanation. The day before everything was amazing, he called me "baby", gave me so much love.... and now he left me like nothing happened. And this time... it's like too much. I feel like i'm disgusting. Why people have long relationship and i can't even keep a man ? And i was in love with him and this time i can't handle it. It's horrible. I'm so lonely. I feel so lonely. 

Life is so painful. I hate my job, and now i simply hate my life. 

Edited July 15, 2023 by MoonGoodandHappy

[ImsoLOUD]

men are trash tbh it happens to us all 

a lot of guys (straight/gay/etc) are performative/seeking validation and go on to the “next thing” once their ego has been satisfied 

 

it sucks but it happens 24/7 and is no reflection of you 

 

[Kern]

what a jerk - to be fair, if he did that to you then you dodged a bullet anyway. Who would want to be with someone who treats people like this? You shouldn't take that so personal, rejection always feels this way but the truth is, a lot of men are doing such things, especially attractive people because they know they will always get away with this. 

I also can relate cause I hate my job and I've been single for a few years now 

[Alldeezy]

Hun im exact same boat I feel dating is like that in general for mostly everyone   and coming from a girl.

 

 

Stay strong I know how awful it is but you'll fine your man one day.

[MoonGoodandHappy]

7 minutes ago, Allday said:

Hun im exact same boat I feel dating is like that in general for mostly everyone   and coming from a girl.

 

 

Stay strong I know how awful it is but you'll fine your man one day.

Thank you but the pain is too strong this time. I feel like a ****. I'm so so so so sad. It's terrible how i feel 

Edited July 15, 2023 by MoonGoodandHappy

[CottageHore]

I hear you. Dating in any pool, but especially in the gay community, can be exhausting. It makes sense why you’re sick and tired of it and feel bad. That’s a totally normal way to feel. Just by reading the way you’re speaking of this “man” (boy), it’s clear you had very strong feelings and really admired/loved him. Some of us have big hearts and a natural tendency to see the potential in people and relationships long before their potential has actually been proven. That’s not a fault of yours, it’s a strength. But very few have that ability. Don’t shame yourself for having feelings for someone you formed an attachment with. It’s a beautiful thing, being able to feel these big emotions. 
 

But simply from my own past experience, as a gay man who also used to catch feelings fast and strong for people who would lead me on- it might be helpful to take a step back from dating for a bit. Reframe your thinking around it. You seem to be fixating a lot on finding a relationship and analyzing whether you’re “doing it right”. In reality, dating and forming connections isn’t meant to be stressful and painful and there’s no “right way” to go about it. The relationships that matter will naturally occur, slowly, over time. Maybe stop actively trying to date for a bit, focus on really learning to see your own innate value and then just prioritize hanging out with new people and making new friends. Go to different social settings where other gay men may be, but get away from the clubs and bar scene. Those places are fun but they’re not the most conducive setting for finding men ready to commit to a relationship. Same goes for grindr.
 

Just immerse yourself in queer spaces without the intent to “find my person!!!” and you’ll likely, eventually, meet someone who sees you for the great person you are. But take away all this pressure to find that person and just kind of let that person show themselves to you. It all feels very serious but it actually isn’t.

 

You’re conflating your innate value as an individual with whether you can keep a man or not. That’s fair, we’ve all been there, but it’s something worth unpacking because it illuminates a possible space within you to cultivate more self worth and self love. No man should have the power to define how you feel about yourself. Breathe, say kind things to yourself, and if it helps- remind yourself that most men ******* suck and don’t have the same capacity for loving as you do. That’s not a dig on you, that’s a dig on them. Your person is out there, I promise. Keep pushing through and allow yourself the chance to see it get better because it will. Best of luck. 
 

(sorry so long)

Edited July 15, 2023 by CottageHore

[P!NK2LOVE]

Get out of your ******* heads. Life is amazing. Go out and grab it by the ******* balls. There is no rule book to this ****. Love hard, **** hard, be street smart, a good person and good things will COME TO YOU. BLESS YOU, sis! You got this! 

[Bacardo Royale]

Yeah it's awkward when you get ghosted because you don't get any constructive criticism... ideally I wanna know what I did that was such a turn off, so I can work on that.

 

Otherwise I end up making the same mistake over and over not knowing what I'm doing wrong

 

[Cain]

Hmm it sounds (from the very limited amount of texts) that you just step into relationships with people without critical conversations and standards of communication 

 

I’ve never been in a relationship where we didn’t critically discuss relationship status etc so I’m not sure, but I imagine those are fleeting

[Kern]

1 minute ago, Bacardo Royale said:

Yeah it's awkward when you get ghosted because you don't get any constructive criticism... ideally I wanna know what I did that was such a turn off, so I can work on that.

 

Cuz otherwise I end up making the same mistake over and over not knowing what I'm doing wrong

 

But ghosting doesn't have to mean that you did something. Sometimes guys ghost because they're dating few people at the same time or just simply are not horny anymore

[scenekiller]

14 minutes ago, P!NK2LOVE said:

Get out of your ******* heads. Life is amazing. Go out and grab it by the ******* balls. There is no rule book to this ****. Love hard, **** hard, be street smart, a good person and good things will COME TO YOU. BLESS YOU, sis! You got this! 

This may sound harsh but it's 100% true, OP. Don't let the behavior of others change the way you view the world, and your life.

 

It's ok to be sad, it's ok to be hurt - these are all normal and healthy feelings. But no one person (or in this case, multiple guys) should be able to have enough power over you to make you hate life and yourself. It's YOUR life, **** them for not seeing the beauty in you.

 

They showed their true colors, and you wouldn't want them anyway, even if you thought you did.

[Tasty]

Go treat yourself with something fun, distract yourself until time does its thing.

Don't measure yourself by how other people see you, be the best version of yourself and you will find people who see that.

[Bicassie]

love yourself

dont let you not being loved be the reason ur miserable 

this sounds like an internal issue you need to deal with 

[thetea]

dating gay people is so much work most of the time. there's so much internalised homophobia and misogyny in the community. 

[EtherealCat]

other people are a bonus not a necessity, look for how you make you happy and stop relying on other people for that

[DamianSolo]

It's better for you to get ghosted and rejected in the very beginning. If anything, they're sparing you the trouble by showing you who they are. For as much as it does suck, and it does suck, that's something you should ultimately be grateful for. Would you have preferred to have spent your time, money, effort and energy in something that would have been destined to fail? The problem isn't you, it's them. Be happy they didn't drag you into their sickness. And they're probably also entertaining goofy-looking guys who can't even afford to have more than 38¢ packets of Ramen for dinner.

 

Guys are generally dumb and don't make any sense, whether they're gay or not. I know a number of guys who have passed up on really great people for, well, trash. It's so bizarre. But that's who they are and what they want... trash. I see it every week on social media, the breakups and makeups, the games being played, etc.

 

I've gotten rejected a lot due to being "preppy." They'd prefer a "thug."  And these are adults we're talking about. Don't ever feel bad about a guy rejecting you. Be better than that, have more confidence than that; know you're better than that. You could be platinum, but there are going to be guys who prefer the way bronze looks.

 

Life is great, go out and do what makes you happy. Find what makes you happy. Explore, experience and live. Don't wallow in self-pity, especially over that.

[Siblon]

Hun, I know it's hard, but try to have a positive outlook on life, no matter what you're going through. It's been a month since I got dumped by my ex-bf of 1.5 years, and it sucked so much because we still loved each other in the end. But I'm taking it as a positive because I've started learning so much about myself, and working on my personal development. I've come across attachment theory and learned that I'm an FA (Fearful Avoidant) attachment style and I think he was a mix of Secure and Anxious and it just explained so much about why we fell out and why he had to exit. But I wouldn't have done this self-discovery had it not been for this breakup. I'm on the road to being secure now it'll help me look for like-minded, compatible partners moving forward, when I'm ready to start dating again. 

 

You can find out yours here with this quiz: https://attachment.personaldevelopmentschool.com/

 

Also I've come across this queen who is like my Youtube therapist and has tons of great videos to help you overcome things like this: 

 

 

 

 

 

[Archetype]

You need to use a DATING app/website, and match only with people who are looking for long term relationships.  You should not meet up with or date any man who is not looking for LTR, and this needs to be an absolute requirement while you’re talking to someone you are interested in meeting up with.  That doesn’t mean it will work, but I find it so dumb that people are afraid to be upfront about this.  Stop wasting your time, and remember, you’re not looking for someone who is 100% perfect, because no one is.  

[Sweet Sexy Savage]

Sounds like you ****** them the first date and then they leave so…

[Onyxmage]

Oh no. You are in the breakup stage. Its possibly the worst feeling of all time. Don't worry just give it time you will feel better soon.

[imabadkid]

6 hours ago, ImsoLOUD said:

men are trash tbh it happens to us all 

a lot of guys (straight/gay/etc) are performative/seeking validation and go on to the “next thing” once their ego has been satisfied 

 

it sucks but it happens 24/7 and is no reflection of you 

 

Yep… as I’ve gotten older I’ve learned men (all men - straight, bi, gay) think with their d*ck which also connects to their ego which has to be stroked at all times and if it’s not then it’s a problem. People always talk about women being “emotional” etc but men are exhausting in a completely diff way that society doesn’t call out enough.

 

OP, I’m sorry you had to go through this! It’ll get better. It’s truly his loss.

[Protocol]

Stop worrying about other guys. Work on YOURSELF. Your career. Your dreams. Your body. Your money. Your friends. THEN worry about a relationship. If all those other things are in order it will be exponentially easier to get the kind of relationship you want. Take this advice from someone who didn't know better in his early 20s. I wish someone had told me to just focus on ME, on building my life and my career, my finances and my fitness FIRST. 

[Robert]

Men are trash but you need to learn to be happy with yourself first. A loving relationship is great but being co-dependant is unhealthy. I hope things improve and then you find someone who wants the same things as you.

[Homebrand]

14 hours ago, Protocol said:

Stop worrying about other guys. Work on YOURSELF. Your career. Your dreams. Your body. Your money. Your friends. THEN worry about a relationship. If all those other things are in order it will be exponentially easier to get the kind of relationship you want. Take this advice from someone who didn't know better in his early 20s. I wish someone had told me to just focus on ME, on building my life and my career, my finances and my fitness FIRST. 

Came here to say basically this. It sounds cliché and corny, but if you're confident and comfortable in yourself, everything else will follow.

Spend time with family and put effort into the friendships that matter. Explore your career. Workout and eat healthy. Have fun (whether its partying, games, whatever makes you happy) and stop putting so much emphasis on a having a partner. 

 

I'm not sure how old you are in the OP but if you're under 25, I wouldn't worry too much. So much changes in life (even if it feels stagnant currently) 

[Gyal]

I've been here myself and in the last year i've done a total 180

 

I agree with others that you need to start working on yourself and putting you first. I've never had a relationship in my life and most people are surprised to find that out, for years it ate me up and I craved it because it's something i've never experienced before. After one particularly bad situationship - i changed my entire outlook to suit myself. I created a life that I'm happy with, started getting more into self care with light makeup (THIS IS A GAME CHANGER, IM HOTTER THAN EVER) and skincare. I splash out on nice fragrances, accessories and i'm always spoiling myself.

 

Nowadays, i treat guys like they did me - I keep a DL guy around on the low for whenever I need it - He books a nice hotel and always has something for me to smoke/drink, it's a good time and there's no strings. Now I'm more confident than ever because there isn't a single thing that i need. I don't even get nervous on dates anymore because I feel 100% in control and if they don't like me then oh well? onto the next, like my lip balm is dior i really dgaf. I'd say just don't put all of your eggs in one basket, it often leads to disappointment - speak to multiple guys, go out on dates, get free food and ghost if you aint feeling them 

Edited July 16, 2023 by Gyal