Missing your ex but not wanting to get back together... have you felt it?

[Before Today]

It's weird how we miss a person in the past even though we know the relationship has ended (some toxic even). Why do we feel this? 

[Jude]

Yeah, and that's normal especially if you had great memories back then. But I would recall the reason why we broke up in the first place and that helps me not to want to go back to that relationship.

Edited July 10, 2023 by Jude

[DatChickDoe]

It is normal. There is a part of you that forever will love that person. Even the most flawed human has beautiful aspects about them. However, never forget why they became an ex. You don’t want to relive and regret. 

[Robburro]

You miss the feeling of being safe, loved and etc etc

 

you don't miss him lol

[Ichinaru19]

This affected me a bit too at one point with a "friend", but being with my boyfriend helped me realized I needed to cut things off because things were toxic with the whole dynamic of the "friendship". Here are some tips from what I experienced:

1. Time is one of the biggest factors here. With time, you can provide yourself with the space to heal and move on.
2. Talk your feelings out. Being able to talk about the experience and your feelings helps you put the situation into perspective. Find a therapist if you need one, but having someone to be able to talk to like friends and family helps.
3. Be kind to yourself. Don't beat yourself up for thinking about past relationships. We are human and it's not like you're ever gonna completely forget about people who were in your life. You just acknowledge those memories if they pop into your mind and then move on.

 

 

[Selegend]

Yes, it's pretty normal. 

A feeling is a feeling, we don't always have to do something about it. We know what's best for us and it's not just cuz we're at some moments feeling something else that we need to ignore what we are sure we don't want (getting back together, for example)

 

I broke up with him in January and even enjoying my single life i missed him for months... even don't wanting it, since i missed him i thought about getting back together a handful times (he tried to get back together), but i didn't. 

I decided to let the missing feeling be just what it is, a feeling. That pass. Ended up it was the best decision i ever made, he has a good heart but he was a TRULY troubled person, messed up in the head to the point he never treated me like a boyfriend should treat the other the WHOLE relationship. I couldn't do it anymore, even missing him it was the best decision i've ever made. I knew my decision was correct and that in fact i didn't want to put myself in that position again. 

Now i am with somebody new that even with the fact that our relationship sill doesn't have a label is ALREADY a wayyy better "boyfriend". So... thankfully i kept my decision! 

 

Edited July 10, 2023 by Selegend

[Bloodflowers.]

Stream "The One That Got Away" by Katy Perry 

[Cain]

Sure, it’s a normal thing

[Twilish]

For sure, i think i miss the companionship aspect as opposed to the person themself though. At least that’s what i try and remind myself when i get in those moods. I think losing the best friend part of the relationship was harder than losing the “boyfriend” part 

[TiaTamera]

You miss the convenience of being in a relationship and as time goes on, your brain starts to only remember and hold on to the good times you has with someone even though it was toxic because holding onto the negativity=trauma and our brains don’t work well with trauma. That’s why we have “deep rooted” issues internally because our brain buries them in our memories so we can function better, but when those deep rooted issues comes back up, it’s traumatic because you have to relive all of pain you thought you got over. As another user said, just remember the bad times that you had and don’t convince yourself that the bad times weren’t really “that bad”.

[Nashe]

You should try listening the EP called "Rolling Up The Welcome Mat" by Kelsea Ballerini. It really helped me get a lot of closure recently.

[JungleJuice]

I miss his hot brother and hot cousins. He can stay disgarded tho lol

[Mystical]

14 minutes ago, JungleJuice said:

I miss his hot brother and hot cousins. 

[MonsterNavy]

sometimes I miss the sex for sure other than that they're my exes for a reason  

[John Slayne]

7 hours ago, Before Today said:

It's weird how we miss a person in the past even though we know the relationship has ended (some toxic even). Why do we feel this? 

outside of traumatic events, we tend to remember the positive things from our past more. that's the whole nostalgia bit, everyone romanticizes the past but lowkey they were all just as miserable back then.

 

most humans also have the need to by physically and/or emotionally intimate with another person, and if you've experienced that with someone it's easier to fantasize about that with them in your mind as it makes the fantasy more real. 

[DamianSolo]

As terrible as it may sound, I don't miss any of my exes—which is a very small number. I miss those who I talked to and spent time with, but it never really went far for one reason or another. I miss what could have been. I don't tend to miss what was when it comes to this.

[Alldeezy]

Me & My ex are legit best friends now, the feelings on my side have completely faded but he always want to hook up still and i'm like 

but I think because he was a really bad bf didn't treat me with any respect.   I guess I kinda miss couple of my other ex's time to time 

[Breathe On Moi]

yes but then I remember he has a gf now but is on grindr still fucken and I snap out of it  

 

[Nightingale]

This has happened to me. After some discovery I realized I was more romanticizing the relationship because I thought he was the one. He was the only one who ever gave me that high and it was difficult finding that with anyone else. But every time we got back together something felt off because I realized how he actually treated me

[Pop Life]

If you really loved them and were entertaining the idea of a life with them there's bound to be some sense of a missed future. A road filled with everything that could have been is forever closed to you now. It helps if you realize that you did in fact go down that road and it was just a dead end.

Edited July 11, 2023 by Pop Life