tournament Golden Hit: Season 4 📀 Congrats to Kylie Jenner! 🌸

[xBoySelenatorx]

1 hour ago, fountain said:

Nooo 

 

Our schedule is that we post the new rounds on Saturdays. I would try to post R3 for you earlier now but I’m waiting on some things from the judges that are being used for this weeks challenge so I don’t know if I will be able to today  but as soon as we have it ready to go we’ll post it so hopefully you have some time to see it first! But the deadline won’t be until midnight on Thursday anyway and we can always extend it and we are pretty lenient with late entries anyway, so don’t worry we’ll make sure you get the time you need and thank you for letting us know ahead 

Omg no need to rush, just wanted to see! Appreciate it though!! 
just in case I land in the bottom 1,  I will use that as my excuse  I won’t be completely offline but it will be harder on just mobile 

[Galah]

2 hours ago, fountain said:

Nooo 

 

Our schedule is that we post the new rounds on Saturdays. I would try to post R3 for you earlier now but I’m waiting on some things from the judges that are being used for this weeks challenge so I don’t know if I will be able to today  but as soon as we have it ready to go we’ll post it so hopefully you have some time to see it first! But the deadline won’t be until midnight on Thursday anyway and we can always extend it and we are pretty lenient with late entries anyway, so don’t worry we’ll make sure you get the time you need and thank you for letting us know ahead 

[poki]

"judges being used"

 

Damn I thought this was volunteer work. 

 

[poki]

Reminds me of the "go job" thing everyone said to the judges in 2018.

[fountain]

1 hour ago, PoKiTaurus said:

"judges being used"

 

Damn I thought this was volunteer work. 

 

I take a quarter of their blood each week, it’s how I survive

[poki]

35 minutes ago, fountain said:

I take a quarter of their blood each week, it’s how I survive

R U who Olivia sings about in her new track???! 

[fountain]

33 minutes ago, PoKiTaurus said:

R U who Olivia sings about in her new track???! 

I hope not, if I am totally honest I don’t really like her music I am afraid  

 

But I’m open minded and I can usually find something positive out of anything, so I definitely see the appeal in it for some. It’s far from what I look for personally, though. 
 

If she joined GH you all would destroy her 

[poki]

27 minutes ago, fountain said:

I hope not, if I am totally honest I don’t really like her music I am afraid  

 

But I’m open minded and I can usually find something positive out of anything, so I definitely see the appeal in it for some. It’s far from what I look for personally, though. 
 

If she joined GH you all would destroy her 

I didn't actually listen to it yet lol.

 

Only music I like from the 2020's is Avril's Love Sux album and FF16 soundtrack. 

 

Everything else feels like tik tok fodder. 

[poki]

Oh and how could I forget this masterpiece 

 

 

OT:

Had a burst of inspiration, 3 themes I hope I can explore this season!

[fountain]

38 minutes ago, PoKiTaurus said:

Had a burst of inspiration, 3 themes I hope I can explore this season!

Omg love that, hope that the challenges are fitting for them and you can use these ideas!

[Jackson]

@worldwide angel kinda stanning the song you sampled  adding it to my french playlist 

[Jackson]

 

@Better Mistakes – The Luck of the Draw

Not Kim Petras catching strays in your additional info . I think I only listened to this Taylor song once when it came out, so I gave it a stream again before reading your lyrics. Although this wasn’t part of the challenge, I think your writing style here is very similar to Lover era Taylor, which helps better integrate the sample into the song. The sample itself was pretty generic, which I think worked well here because it fit into the song without sticking out too much. Lyrically, this feels very commercial. Your chorus feels catchy and poppy – I could see this easily being a top 40 hit. At the same time, you fall victim to some common top 40 tropes, including fitting the titular line around a web of clichés in the chorus. I do think you executed the “luck of the draw” line itself well, flipping the cliché in the next line with “so when can I draw?”, but you were less successful elsewhere in the chorus. I would have loved to see you use more descriptive or emotive language in the verses to highlight the themes in the chorus as well. As it is, though, your song has a strong commercial appeal that I enjoyed.

 

@OreGuy – Call Me, Robyn

This is a really interesting angle to take for a sequel – I love this concept! Instead of continuing the story in a traditional sense, you provided a completely different perspective, and I also loved the creative license you took by illustrating the friendship between the narrator and Robyn. If this was an actually released song, I’d imagine this would create some major drama calling her out by name. Although I thought including the name was slightly jarring, it did help provide some specificity to the story. My absolute favorite part of this was the second half of the second verse, where you specifically reference the “it’s so different when we kiss” line from the original song and use it in a COMPLETELY different way. I thought that section was really creative and emotionally charged, and the specific but conversational “chappy as hell” brought a lot of personality and precise imagery to the song. My main complaint is that this is the only place you did that – had you incorporated this style of writing throughout, this would have been an near perfect. Still, there were a few other parts I enjoyed, specifically the bridge (“I never crossed lines/I even moved mine” was clever). The first verse and chorus felt like filler in comparison. Next week, focus on strengthening each section of your song. It’s clear you have the basics down, so keep on honing your writing and eliminating weak parts and you’ll continue to improve each week.  

 

StormPulse – The Colossus

There’s no way you could have planned this, but with today’s Supreme Court rulings (note: I wrote this yesterday), this entry hit extra hard. I read the poem you sampled/sequeled before reading your entry, and almost felt a bit of disgust for the framing of the original poem. Reading your entry after felt cathartic by comparison. As usual, your entry was extremely technically sound, so I’ll try to focus on the emotion and meaning of the lyrics instead. “Does my inherent nature infringe upon their life?” sums up how I’ve been feeling lately well, as does “No, we will not, this country is burning”. The tone of the song changed a bit when you say “Too many were caught chasing that north star/chasing and chasing something so elusive”, and I think that exemplified the lingering sense of yearning behind the betrayal well. This feels like a form of poetic venting, with multiple feelings and thoughts expressed beautifully through well-thought words. It could have been interesting to hear more about what you think caused these problems, or potential solutions, but perhaps that’s just a way for me to say I was left wanting more, and what you did write was beautiful, thoughtful, and well-executed.

 

@worldwide angel – echo

I’m happy to see you in your empowerment era! I’ve also felt the same in my writing lately. Dark writing tends to do well in this game, and while it has a place, it’s also really refreshing to see someone focus so much on positivity, optimism, and serenity. Considering your sampled song is in French and your song is in English, I’m not sure exactly how you’re sampling it? I also translated the lyrics and didn’t find anything resembling the lyrics in your song. Let me know if I’m missing something, but it seems like you may have missed ask of the challenge a bit. That aside, I found your song ethereal and blissful, and it fit will with the instrumental of the song, even if the lyrics weren’t sampled. I love some of the lyrical choices you made here, like “trip into infinity” – using “trip” as a verb makes the act of optimism feel like you accidentally fell into it, which is a cool image. “Let it go, let it echo” was a beautifully catchy way to kick off your chorus,  and “dissipate into something wonderful” helped reinforce the dreamy, cotton candy cloud feeling I got from the song. “Mundane to the multiverse” was a really cool phrase as well, and something that will stick with me due to the way it rolls off the tongue. There were a couple lines where you lost me a bit – I’m not entirely sure what “descended from the…” was intended to imply, if not just the narrator dozing off into their thoughts, and “sprung, get my licks and run” felt more forceful than the rest of the song. Still, this was a really strong entry – I personally liked this quite a bit more than last week’s entry, and it may be one of my overall favorites I’ve read from you.

 

@XO_Life – the child is grown, the dream is gone

As a homosexual, I have to admit I’ve never heard of the song you sampled , but after reading the lyrics and listening to the song, I think I like your lyrics better! Unfortunately, the first verse was probably my least favorite part of the song, as I thought the mixed imagery of playpens, strawberries, and drugs was perhaps a bit perplexing as I was trying to orient myself to what was going on in the song. Thankfully, though, it only got better from there! The pre-chorus lyrics felt like classic rock to me, and led to my favorite part of the song in verse 2: “untouched paths all over my body, no one wants to discover/Years and Years slip by, like sand through fingers” may be a career highlight of yours. I think this section would have even worked as a chorus, as it had elements of repetition but really stark imagery, and although I liked your actual chorus, I thought this verse was stronger. “Maps on the skin” in the bridge was interesting reference to the second verse, showing the well-worn paths you’ve memorized on your own skin that others don’t know or see. As is typical for you, this song felt very lyrical and song-like, where others venture further into poetry in their entries. The fact that you made this feel like an actual rock song but made it so compelling is a testament to your talent. I hope you’re as happy with this entry as I am!

 

@Kylie Jenner – Cameo

I’m personally a fan of you expanding the Kylie Jenner Golden Hit Season 4 cinematic universe, especially considering how much I loved your round 1 song. I think you continued a lot of what made your first song successful, including interesting, specific imagery that helped me imagine a sunsetting relationship slip into an early winter after a long summer. Still, there were a few choices that didn’t make as much sense to me. There was some thematic inconsistency, describing the relationship at times as full of “bad conversations” but then calling the lost lover the narrator’s “best mistake” in the next line. It seems unclear whether the singer despises their romantic counterpart or simply can’t live life in the city. I also feel like I’m missing out on a lot of what happened between “Lost in the Rays” and “Cameo” – I would have loved to hear what caused the love to go sour in the verses. You gave us a lot of reasons to love these characters, so if I’m now going to hate them, you need to give me reasons! Apart from these thematic complaints, I thought the song was beautiful lyrically. Using “purple rain” as a way to extinguish “golden rays” was clever, I liked the odd but memorable internal rhyming of “heart palpitations, rusty gas stations”, and I thought your chorus was incredibly catchy, both melodically and lyrically. My favorite line was “You said this city screamed my name, but all I hear is silence”, and I liked the allusions to the setting of your first song in the bridge. Ultimately, I thought this song was just as strong lyrically, but the storytelling wasn’t quite as compelling as last week.

 

SIDE-@Hug – DON’T-SAY-IT/DON’T-THINK-IT

Writing breakup sequels to love songs seems to be a common theme this week (I’m not the type of judge that will take away points for that, just interesting to point out!). There was a lot that I loved about this song. As always, it was technically sound, and reading through your lyrics was a breezy, pleasant experience. I think your song straddled the line between song and poetry in a way that felt SLIGHTLY contrived at times. “Perfection is ephemeral like a setting sun” is a bit of a mouthful, and it didn’t feel wholly necessary from a storytelling perspective. However, I did really like “I can hold onto memories but they’re useless on their own” later in the first verse, as well as the throat/choke couplet (OK I made that sound so much worse than it is in context ). Although the refrain is short, I found it effective. I’m glad you used the sample as the central motif in the song, as it made it feel as though your song revolved around it, rather than throwing it at the end of the bridge. By doing this, the chorus felt like an event and helped justify the wordier chorus. Still, I think you could have taken the chorus a bit further. I would have loved to see you lean further into the cosmic theme in the chorus, and, rather than just screaming into the stars, use them as a metaphor for an ending romance (disclaimer: I’m not judging you for things you didn’t write, just using this as an example of somewhere you could have taken the song). In the end, I thought your song was beautifully written with a few powerful lines, but it could have been taken further. This felt more like story than something I was enveloped in, and there were no moments that stuck with or surprised me. I know your writing and I know you’re capable of it!

 

@Julianna Calm Down – Glitter (The City)

This has been a frequently sampled/covered/interpolated song recently, so this is quite fitting for this challenge. I think the sequel challenge is harder to pull off than the sample, because to truly be a sequel, you have to emulate the style of the original song. In that respect, I think you pulled this off well! Your song has the same strong storytelling element and wistfulness as “Fast Car”. I could really feel that this was a sequel to the original song. I also like how you incorporated the city as a third character, introducing a new dimension to the story. Lyrically, there was a lot to like here too. I loved the details you included, like “jumping potholes in a hurry” and “I paint you in city lights”. “I feel your molecules on the avenue” was quite striking, but I’m a bit conflicted about whether I like its individualism or dislike such a scientific word in such a lyrical entry. It feel like something @JoeAg would write though, so I hope he stans it. To elevate the song to the next level, I think there’s places you could have reworded to hit harder/ “My life here past this line… Is the same as the one I left behind” feels like the central theme of the song, but it’s stated very plainly in a way that makes it feel anticlimactic. Lines like “You taught me a lesson as you broke the promise – all that glitters isn’t gold” also didn’t add much beyond cliché to the story. This was a very strong entry as it is, but there were parts that would have been even stronger if a little more time was devoted to ensure every line provided the same impact. I can already see you incorporating last week’s advice, and I’m sure you’ll continue to grow in the weeks ahead!

 

@xBoySelenatorx – What Do I Do?

Ngl, when I first saw “Perfect by Selena Gomez” I was thinking you sampled “Who Says”, and I was ready for the Disney Channel bop. Not sure if this was your intention, but I can see this being a Selena Gomez song. Not only does it feel very commercial and radio ready, it has the sort of sexualized swagger I often associate with her Revival era songs. My favorite part of the song was the chorus. The repetition of “what do I do” made it memorable, and each line had me wondering what you were going to say next. Lines like “each heart beat promising/that you’d always be with me” were strong pop lyrics, and “should I be more like him?/maybe I should be more like him” gave the song a very personal, conversational element that helped bring me into the intimacy of the song. There were lines that didn’t feel as special, like “your love ran through my veins” and “you freed my hear/from any walls I built” – both common pop writing tropes that didn’t add much to the song. There’s nothing wrong with including the occasional cliché in a pop song, but it should feel purposeful, or at least be executed in a unique way. Since a good portion of the song was the repetitive chorus, every line in the verses should feel essential, unique, and personal. Still, this was a strong pop entry, and one I enjoyed reading.

 

@PoKiTaurus – Ifrit & The Phoenix

Admittedly, I don’t know anything about Final Fantasy, so you’ll have to let me know what the significance of Ifrit and the Phoenix are within the games. Perhaps for that reason, there were a lot of concepts that remained nebulous to me even after a couple reads through. The song seemed to alternate between operating under heavy metaphors and raw, stream of conscious type writing, and because of that, it was sometimes hard to tell what was meant to be interpreted literally and what was a metaphor. It seems like you were referring to surrogacy literally, but was adoption literal or metaphorical? What is the mark you want tattooed on your shoulder? At times I’m not sure if a line is directed at a Final Fantasy character or a family member. This feels like really personal writing, and I admire it in that way, but it also makes it hard to decipher the layers of the song. There were also lines that I think would have been more impactful with a bit more editing – I think “left of center” would have helped the second stanza stand out more without repeating prepositions. There were definitely lines here I really liked as well – “February arrives, mark me twenty five/I went to see my star, but it wasn’t there” was quite impactful, and the image that “I think I cemented this forest as my own” conjures was quite unique. Because I can see that this was a really personal, powerful entry for you, I’m glad you wrote it. Sometimes that in itself is more important than validation from strangers on the internet, so even if it didn’t quite connect for me, I hope this is something you’re proud of.

[poki]

Thank you  

 

Spoiler

Ifrit in Final Fantasy 16 is an allegory to being gay. Clive's family worships the Phoenix (basically their religion). He wasn't blessed by the Phoenix which made his mother hate him. 

And that eventually led to a lot of the madness in the story. 

 

His goal is to eliminate the dependence people have on the ancient spirits. So that it doesn't matter if you are blessed by Ifrit or the Phoenix (straight or gay), you will still be seen as equal 

 

The parts I wrote in the end are literal. I wanna be the best dad I could be. I'm breaking the cycle of traditional marriage in my family tree. I know it will only make it stronger because my future generations will be able to see me take that leap for them. 

 

That's why I love Clive so much. 

 

It's very different from any other Final Fantasy game. Some say it's not "real" Final Fantasy which makes the story of the game even more poetic. 

 

I get so emotional when it comes to this stuff 

I'll stop now, sorry. 

I will reveal my original version of this track in addition to the one I sent. It was more simple and in-line with my first one. 

 

I sent this more "risky" version because I was more curious of how you all would react to it 

Can't grow as a writer if you don't push yourself! 

 

 

 

[poki]

I'm re-reading my post above now and THIS RHYMES oh my God I didn't even think about it. 

 

I wanna be the best dad I could be. I'm breaking the cycle of traditional marriage in my family tree.

[Kylie Jenner]

So my entry was supposed to be about following the summer love to the city they live in and then realising that the city just isn’t for them and neither is the person. Making a mistake but being thankful it happened because the memories are nice to look back on. Everything is a learning experience! Some things aren’t meant to be forever, and that’s okay, because sometimes things are short and sweet. 

[Kylie Jenner]

And also, maybe I will write a song about the details of what happened between them eventually. The Kylie Jenner-Golden Hit Season 4 cinematic universe has only just started expanding and it does so in an unconventional and non-linear way. Your mind can fill in the blanks… for now

 

but thank you for the kind comments and critiques, I will think about them going forward  

[Jackson]

55 minutes ago, PoKiTaurus said:

 

I sent this more "risky" version because I was more curious of how you all would react to it 

Can't grow as a writer if you don't push yourself! 

Totally agree! I have the same philosophy for writing - I submitted some songs that I absolutely love personally that bombed in GH1, but I have no regrets and they didn't really hurt my overall score. That's the benefit of the no elimination format 

 

35 minutes ago, Kylie Jenner said:

And also, maybe I will write a song about the details of what happened between them eventually. The Kylie Jenner-Golden Hit Season 4 cinematic universe has only just started expanding and it does so in an unconventional and non-linear way. Your mind can fill in the blanks… for now

 

Buying tickets for the advance screening

[XO_Life]

1 hour ago, Jackson said:

 

@Better Mistakes – The Luck of the Draw

Not Kim Petras catching strays in your additional info . I think I only listened to this Taylor song once when it came out, so I gave it a stream again before reading your lyrics. Although this wasn’t part of the challenge, I think your writing style here is very similar to Lover era Taylor, which helps better integrate the sample into the song. The sample itself was pretty generic, which I think worked well here because it fit into the song without sticking out too much. Lyrically, this feels very commercial. Your chorus feels catchy and poppy – I could see this easily being a top 40 hit. At the same time, you fall victim to some common top 40 tropes, including fitting the titular line around a web of clichés in the chorus. I do think you executed the “luck of the draw” line itself well, flipping the cliché in the next line with “so when can I draw?”, but you were less successful elsewhere in the chorus. I would have loved to see you use more descriptive or emotive language in the verses to highlight the themes in the chorus as well. As it is, though, your song has a strong commercial appeal that I enjoyed.

 

@OreGuy – Call Me, Robyn

This is a really interesting angle to take for a sequel – I love this concept! Instead of continuing the story in a traditional sense, you provided a completely different perspective, and I also loved the creative license you took by illustrating the friendship between the narrator and Robyn. If this was an actually released song, I’d imagine this would create some major drama calling her out by name. Although I thought including the name was slightly jarring, it did help provide some specificity to the story. My absolute favorite part of this was the second half of the second verse, where you specifically reference the “it’s so different when we kiss” line from the original song and use it in a COMPLETELY different way. I thought that section was really creative and emotionally charged, and the specific but conversational “chappy as hell” brought a lot of personality and precise imagery to the song. My main complaint is that this is the only place you did that – had you incorporated this style of writing throughout, this would have been an near perfect. Still, there were a few other parts I enjoyed, specifically the bridge (“I never crossed lines/I even moved mine” was clever). The first verse and chorus felt like filler in comparison. Next week, focus on strengthening each section of your song. It’s clear you have the basics down, so keep on honing your writing and eliminating weak parts and you’ll continue to improve each week.  

 

StormPulse – The Colossus

There’s no way you could have planned this, but with today’s Supreme Court rulings (note: I wrote this yesterday), this entry hit extra hard. I read the poem you sampled/sequeled before reading your entry, and almost felt a bit of disgust for the framing of the original poem. Reading your entry after felt cathartic by comparison. As usual, your entry was extremely technically sound, so I’ll try to focus on the emotion and meaning of the lyrics instead. “Does my inherent nature infringe upon their life?” sums up how I’ve been feeling lately well, as does “No, we will not, this country is burning”. The tone of the song changed a bit when you say “Too many were caught chasing that north star/chasing and chasing something so elusive”, and I think that exemplified the lingering sense of yearning behind the betrayal well. This feels like a form of poetic venting, with multiple feelings and thoughts expressed beautifully through well-thought words. It could have been interesting to hear more about what you think caused these problems, or potential solutions, but perhaps that’s just a way for me to say I was left wanting more, and what you did write was beautiful, thoughtful, and well-executed.

 

@worldwide angel – echo

I’m happy to see you in your empowerment era! I’ve also felt the same in my writing lately. Dark writing tends to do well in this game, and while it has a place, it’s also really refreshing to see someone focus so much on positivity, optimism, and serenity. Considering your sampled song is in French and your song is in English, I’m not sure exactly how you’re sampling it? I also translated the lyrics and didn’t find anything resembling the lyrics in your song. Let me know if I’m missing something, but it seems like you may have missed ask of the challenge a bit. That aside, I found your song ethereal and blissful, and it fit will with the instrumental of the song, even if the lyrics weren’t sampled. I love some of the lyrical choices you made here, like “trip into infinity” – using “trip” as a verb makes the act of optimism feel like you accidentally fell into it, which is a cool image. “Let it go, let it echo” was a beautifully catchy way to kick off your chorus,  and “dissipate into something wonderful” helped reinforce the dreamy, cotton candy cloud feeling I got from the song. “Mundane to the multiverse” was a really cool phrase as well, and something that will stick with me due to the way it rolls off the tongue. There were a couple lines where you lost me a bit – I’m not entirely sure what “descended from the…” was intended to imply, if not just the narrator dozing off into their thoughts, and “sprung, get my licks and run” felt more forceful than the rest of the song. Still, this was a really strong entry – I personally liked this quite a bit more than last week’s entry, and it may be one of my overall favorites I’ve read from you.

 

@XO_Life – the child is grown, the dream is gone

As a homosexual, I have to admit I’ve never heard of the song you sampled , but after reading the lyrics and listening to the song, I think I like your lyrics better! Unfortunately, the first verse was probably my least favorite part of the song, as I thought the mixed imagery of playpens, strawberries, and drugs was perhaps a bit perplexing as I was trying to orient myself to what was going on in the song. Thankfully, though, it only got better from there! The pre-chorus lyrics felt like classic rock to me, and led to my favorite part of the song in verse 2: “untouched paths all over my body, no one wants to discover/Years and Years slip by, like sand through fingers” may be a career highlight of yours. I think this section would have even worked as a chorus, as it had elements of repetition but really stark imagery, and although I liked your actual chorus, I thought this verse was stronger. “Maps on the skin” in the bridge was interesting reference to the second verse, showing the well-worn paths you’ve memorized on your own skin that others don’t know or see. As is typical for you, this song felt very lyrical and song-like, where others venture further into poetry in their entries. The fact that you made this feel like an actual rock song but made it so compelling is a testament to your talent. I hope you’re as happy with this entry as I am!

 

@Kylie Jenner – Cameo

I’m personally a fan of you expanding the Kylie Jenner Golden Hit Season 4 cinematic universe, especially considering how much I loved your round 1 song. I think you continued a lot of what made your first song successful, including interesting, specific imagery that helped me imagine a sunsetting relationship slip into an early winter after a long summer. Still, there were a few choices that didn’t make as much sense to me. There was some thematic inconsistency, describing the relationship at times as full of “bad conversations” but then calling the lost lover the narrator’s “best mistake” in the next line. It seems unclear whether the singer despises their romantic counterpart or simply can’t live life in the city. I also feel like I’m missing out on a lot of what happened between “Lost in the Rays” and “Cameo” – I would have loved to hear what caused the love to go sour in the verses. You gave us a lot of reasons to love these characters, so if I’m now going to hate them, you need to give me reasons! Apart from these thematic complaints, I thought the song was beautiful lyrically. Using “purple rain” as a way to extinguish “golden rays” was clever, I liked the odd but memorable internal rhyming of “heart palpitations, rusty gas stations”, and I thought your chorus was incredibly catchy, both melodically and lyrically. My favorite line was “You said this city screamed my name, but all I hear is silence”, and I liked the allusions to the setting of your first song in the bridge. Ultimately, I thought this song was just as strong lyrically, but the storytelling wasn’t quite as compelling as last week.

 

SIDE-@Hug – DON’T-SAY-IT/DON’T-THINK-IT

Writing breakup sequels to love songs seems to be a common theme this week (I’m not the type of judge that will take away points for that, just interesting to point out!). There was a lot that I loved about this song. As always, it was technically sound, and reading through your lyrics was a breezy, pleasant experience. I think your song straddled the line between song and poetry in a way that felt SLIGHTLY contrived at times. “Perfection is ephemeral like a setting sun” is a bit of a mouthful, and it didn’t feel wholly necessary from a storytelling perspective. However, I did really like “I can hold onto memories but they’re useless on their own” later in the first verse, as well as the throat/choke couplet (OK I made that sound so much worse than it is in context ). Although the refrain is short, I found it effective. I’m glad you used the sample as the central motif in the song, as it made it feel as though your song revolved around it, rather than throwing it at the end of the bridge. By doing this, the chorus felt like an event and helped justify the wordier chorus. Still, I think you could have taken the chorus a bit further. I would have loved to see you lean further into the cosmic theme in the chorus, and, rather than just screaming into the stars, use them as a metaphor for an ending romance (disclaimer: I’m not judging you for things you didn’t write, just using this as an example of somewhere you could have taken the song). In the end, I thought your song was beautifully written with a few powerful lines, but it could have been taken further. This felt more like story than something I was enveloped in, and there were no moments that stuck with or surprised me. I know your writing and I know you’re capable of it!

 

@Julianna Calm Down – Glitter (The City)

This has been a frequently sampled/covered/interpolated song recently, so this is quite fitting for this challenge. I think the sequel challenge is harder to pull off than the sample, because to truly be a sequel, you have to emulate the style of the original song. In that respect, I think you pulled this off well! Your song has the same strong storytelling element and wistfulness as “Fast Car”. I could really feel that this was a sequel to the original song. I also like how you incorporated the city as a third character, introducing a new dimension to the story. Lyrically, there was a lot to like here too. I loved the details you included, like “jumping potholes in a hurry” and “I paint you in city lights”. “I feel your molecules on the avenue” was quite striking, but I’m a bit conflicted about whether I like its individualism or dislike such a scientific word in such a lyrical entry. It feel like something @JoeAg would write though, so I hope he stans it. To elevate the song to the next level, I think there’s places you could have reworded to hit harder/ “My life here past this line… Is the same as the one I left behind” feels like the central theme of the song, but it’s stated very plainly in a way that makes it feel anticlimactic. Lines like “You taught me a lesson as you broke the promise – all that glitters isn’t gold” also didn’t add much beyond cliché to the story. This was a very strong entry as it is, but there were parts that would have been even stronger if a little more time was devoted to ensure every line provided the same impact. I can already see you incorporating last week’s advice, and I’m sure you’ll continue to grow in the weeks ahead!

 

@xBoySelenatorx – What Do I Do?

Ngl, when I first saw “Perfect by Selena Gomez” I was thinking you sampled “Who Says”, and I was ready for the Disney Channel bop. Not sure if this was your intention, but I can see this being a Selena Gomez song. Not only does it feel very commercial and radio ready, it has the sort of sexualized swagger I often associate with her Revival era songs. My favorite part of the song was the chorus. The repetition of “what do I do” made it memorable, and each line had me wondering what you were going to say next. Lines like “each heart beat promising/that you’d always be with me” were strong pop lyrics, and “should I be more like him?/maybe I should be more like him” gave the song a very personal, conversational element that helped bring me into the intimacy of the song. There were lines that didn’t feel as special, like “your love ran through my veins” and “you freed my hear/from any walls I built” – both common pop writing tropes that didn’t add much to the song. There’s nothing wrong with including the occasional cliché in a pop song, but it should feel purposeful, or at least be executed in a unique way. Since a good portion of the song was the repetitive chorus, every line in the verses should feel essential, unique, and personal. Still, this was a strong pop entry, and one I enjoyed reading.

 

@PoKiTaurus – Ifrit & The Phoenix

Admittedly, I don’t know anything about Final Fantasy, so you’ll have to let me know what the significance of Ifrit and the Phoenix are within the games. Perhaps for that reason, there were a lot of concepts that remained nebulous to me even after a couple reads through. The song seemed to alternate between operating under heavy metaphors and raw, stream of conscious type writing, and because of that, it was sometimes hard to tell what was meant to be interpreted literally and what was a metaphor. It seems like you were referring to surrogacy literally, but was adoption literal or metaphorical? What is the mark you want tattooed on your shoulder? At times I’m not sure if a line is directed at a Final Fantasy character or a family member. This feels like really personal writing, and I admire it in that way, but it also makes it hard to decipher the layers of the song. There were also lines that I think would have been more impactful with a bit more editing – I think “left of center” would have helped the second stanza stand out more without repeating prepositions. There were definitely lines here I really liked as well – “February arrives, mark me twenty five/I went to see my star, but it wasn’t there” was quite impactful, and the image that “I think I cemented this forest as my own” conjures was quite unique. Because I can see that this was a really personal, powerful entry for you, I’m glad you wrote it. Sometimes that in itself is more important than validation from strangers on the internet, so even if it didn’t quite connect for me, I hope this is something you’re proud of.

Thank you.

 

But to be fair: California sunshine & strawberry fields are words that relate to drugs.

 

But I get what you are saying, I should've explained this.

[Jackson]

2 minutes ago, XO_Life said:

But to be fair: California sunshine & strawberry fields are words that relate to drugs.

my knowlege of drugs is limited to taking edibles like 3x in my life, i had no idea

[XO_Life]

1 minute ago, Jackson said:

my knowlege of drugs is limited to taking edibles like 3x in my life, i had no idea

It is better this way, believe me. I have taken LSD once and it was so not worth it. Felt bad for almost 3 years afterwards. 

 

Still got my degrees tho.

[worldwide angel]

4 hours ago, Jackson said:

@worldwide angel kinda stanning the song you sampled  adding it to my french playlist 

the album is amazing, i wholly recommend it

 

2 hours ago, Jackson said:

 

@Better Mistakes – The Luck of the Draw

Not Kim Petras catching strays in your additional info . I think I only listened to this Taylor song once when it came out, so I gave it a stream again before reading your lyrics. Although this wasn’t part of the challenge, I think your writing style here is very similar to Lover era Taylor, which helps better integrate the sample into the song. The sample itself was pretty generic, which I think worked well here because it fit into the song without sticking out too much. Lyrically, this feels very commercial. Your chorus feels catchy and poppy – I could see this easily being a top 40 hit. At the same time, you fall victim to some common top 40 tropes, including fitting the titular line around a web of clichés in the chorus. I do think you executed the “luck of the draw” line itself well, flipping the cliché in the next line with “so when can I draw?”, but you were less successful elsewhere in the chorus. I would have loved to see you use more descriptive or emotive language in the verses to highlight the themes in the chorus as well. As it is, though, your song has a strong commercial appeal that I enjoyed.

 

@OreGuy – Call Me, Robyn

This is a really interesting angle to take for a sequel – I love this concept! Instead of continuing the story in a traditional sense, you provided a completely different perspective, and I also loved the creative license you took by illustrating the friendship between the narrator and Robyn. If this was an actually released song, I’d imagine this would create some major drama calling her out by name. Although I thought including the name was slightly jarring, it did help provide some specificity to the story. My absolute favorite part of this was the second half of the second verse, where you specifically reference the “it’s so different when we kiss” line from the original song and use it in a COMPLETELY different way. I thought that section was really creative and emotionally charged, and the specific but conversational “chappy as hell” brought a lot of personality and precise imagery to the song. My main complaint is that this is the only place you did that – had you incorporated this style of writing throughout, this would have been an near perfect. Still, there were a few other parts I enjoyed, specifically the bridge (“I never crossed lines/I even moved mine” was clever). The first verse and chorus felt like filler in comparison. Next week, focus on strengthening each section of your song. It’s clear you have the basics down, so keep on honing your writing and eliminating weak parts and you’ll continue to improve each week.  

 

StormPulse – The Colossus

There’s no way you could have planned this, but with today’s Supreme Court rulings (note: I wrote this yesterday), this entry hit extra hard. I read the poem you sampled/sequeled before reading your entry, and almost felt a bit of disgust for the framing of the original poem. Reading your entry after felt cathartic by comparison. As usual, your entry was extremely technically sound, so I’ll try to focus on the emotion and meaning of the lyrics instead. “Does my inherent nature infringe upon their life?” sums up how I’ve been feeling lately well, as does “No, we will not, this country is burning”. The tone of the song changed a bit when you say “Too many were caught chasing that north star/chasing and chasing something so elusive”, and I think that exemplified the lingering sense of yearning behind the betrayal well. This feels like a form of poetic venting, with multiple feelings and thoughts expressed beautifully through well-thought words. It could have been interesting to hear more about what you think caused these problems, or potential solutions, but perhaps that’s just a way for me to say I was left wanting more, and what you did write was beautiful, thoughtful, and well-executed.

 

@worldwide angel – echo

I’m happy to see you in your empowerment era! I’ve also felt the same in my writing lately. Dark writing tends to do well in this game, and while it has a place, it’s also really refreshing to see someone focus so much on positivity, optimism, and serenity. Considering your sampled song is in French and your song is in English, I’m not sure exactly how you’re sampling it? I also translated the lyrics and didn’t find anything resembling the lyrics in your song. Let me know if I’m missing something, but it seems like you may have missed ask of the challenge a bit. That aside, I found your song ethereal and blissful, and it fit will with the instrumental of the song, even if the lyrics weren’t sampled. I love some of the lyrical choices you made here, like “trip into infinity” – using “trip” as a verb makes the act of optimism feel like you accidentally fell into it, which is a cool image. “Let it go, let it echo” was a beautifully catchy way to kick off your chorus,  and “dissipate into something wonderful” helped reinforce the dreamy, cotton candy cloud feeling I got from the song. “Mundane to the multiverse” was a really cool phrase as well, and something that will stick with me due to the way it rolls off the tongue. There were a couple lines where you lost me a bit – I’m not entirely sure what “descended from the…” was intended to imply, if not just the narrator dozing off into their thoughts, and “sprung, get my licks and run” felt more forceful than the rest of the song. Still, this was a really strong entry – I personally liked this quite a bit more than last week’s entry, and it may be one of my overall favorites I’ve read from you.

 

@XO_Life – the child is grown, the dream is gone

As a homosexual, I have to admit I’ve never heard of the song you sampled , but after reading the lyrics and listening to the song, I think I like your lyrics better! Unfortunately, the first verse was probably my least favorite part of the song, as I thought the mixed imagery of playpens, strawberries, and drugs was perhaps a bit perplexing as I was trying to orient myself to what was going on in the song. Thankfully, though, it only got better from there! The pre-chorus lyrics felt like classic rock to me, and led to my favorite part of the song in verse 2: “untouched paths all over my body, no one wants to discover/Years and Years slip by, like sand through fingers” may be a career highlight of yours. I think this section would have even worked as a chorus, as it had elements of repetition but really stark imagery, and although I liked your actual chorus, I thought this verse was stronger. “Maps on the skin” in the bridge was interesting reference to the second verse, showing the well-worn paths you’ve memorized on your own skin that others don’t know or see. As is typical for you, this song felt very lyrical and song-like, where others venture further into poetry in their entries. The fact that you made this feel like an actual rock song but made it so compelling is a testament to your talent. I hope you’re as happy with this entry as I am!

 

@Kylie Jenner – Cameo

I’m personally a fan of you expanding the Kylie Jenner Golden Hit Season 4 cinematic universe, especially considering how much I loved your round 1 song. I think you continued a lot of what made your first song successful, including interesting, specific imagery that helped me imagine a sunsetting relationship slip into an early winter after a long summer. Still, there were a few choices that didn’t make as much sense to me. There was some thematic inconsistency, describing the relationship at times as full of “bad conversations” but then calling the lost lover the narrator’s “best mistake” in the next line. It seems unclear whether the singer despises their romantic counterpart or simply can’t live life in the city. I also feel like I’m missing out on a lot of what happened between “Lost in the Rays” and “Cameo” – I would have loved to hear what caused the love to go sour in the verses. You gave us a lot of reasons to love these characters, so if I’m now going to hate them, you need to give me reasons! Apart from these thematic complaints, I thought the song was beautiful lyrically. Using “purple rain” as a way to extinguish “golden rays” was clever, I liked the odd but memorable internal rhyming of “heart palpitations, rusty gas stations”, and I thought your chorus was incredibly catchy, both melodically and lyrically. My favorite line was “You said this city screamed my name, but all I hear is silence”, and I liked the allusions to the setting of your first song in the bridge. Ultimately, I thought this song was just as strong lyrically, but the storytelling wasn’t quite as compelling as last week.

 

SIDE-@Hug – DON’T-SAY-IT/DON’T-THINK-IT

Writing breakup sequels to love songs seems to be a common theme this week (I’m not the type of judge that will take away points for that, just interesting to point out!). There was a lot that I loved about this song. As always, it was technically sound, and reading through your lyrics was a breezy, pleasant experience. I think your song straddled the line between song and poetry in a way that felt SLIGHTLY contrived at times. “Perfection is ephemeral like a setting sun” is a bit of a mouthful, and it didn’t feel wholly necessary from a storytelling perspective. However, I did really like “I can hold onto memories but they’re useless on their own” later in the first verse, as well as the throat/choke couplet (OK I made that sound so much worse than it is in context ). Although the refrain is short, I found it effective. I’m glad you used the sample as the central motif in the song, as it made it feel as though your song revolved around it, rather than throwing it at the end of the bridge. By doing this, the chorus felt like an event and helped justify the wordier chorus. Still, I think you could have taken the chorus a bit further. I would have loved to see you lean further into the cosmic theme in the chorus, and, rather than just screaming into the stars, use them as a metaphor for an ending romance (disclaimer: I’m not judging you for things you didn’t write, just using this as an example of somewhere you could have taken the song). In the end, I thought your song was beautifully written with a few powerful lines, but it could have been taken further. This felt more like story than something I was enveloped in, and there were no moments that stuck with or surprised me. I know your writing and I know you’re capable of it!

 

@Julianna Calm Down – Glitter (The City)

This has been a frequently sampled/covered/interpolated song recently, so this is quite fitting for this challenge. I think the sequel challenge is harder to pull off than the sample, because to truly be a sequel, you have to emulate the style of the original song. In that respect, I think you pulled this off well! Your song has the same strong storytelling element and wistfulness as “Fast Car”. I could really feel that this was a sequel to the original song. I also like how you incorporated the city as a third character, introducing a new dimension to the story. Lyrically, there was a lot to like here too. I loved the details you included, like “jumping potholes in a hurry” and “I paint you in city lights”. “I feel your molecules on the avenue” was quite striking, but I’m a bit conflicted about whether I like its individualism or dislike such a scientific word in such a lyrical entry. It feel like something @JoeAg would write though, so I hope he stans it. To elevate the song to the next level, I think there’s places you could have reworded to hit harder/ “My life here past this line… Is the same as the one I left behind” feels like the central theme of the song, but it’s stated very plainly in a way that makes it feel anticlimactic. Lines like “You taught me a lesson as you broke the promise – all that glitters isn’t gold” also didn’t add much beyond cliché to the story. This was a very strong entry as it is, but there were parts that would have been even stronger if a little more time was devoted to ensure every line provided the same impact. I can already see you incorporating last week’s advice, and I’m sure you’ll continue to grow in the weeks ahead!

 

@xBoySelenatorx – What Do I Do?

Ngl, when I first saw “Perfect by Selena Gomez” I was thinking you sampled “Who Says”, and I was ready for the Disney Channel bop. Not sure if this was your intention, but I can see this being a Selena Gomez song. Not only does it feel very commercial and radio ready, it has the sort of sexualized swagger I often associate with her Revival era songs. My favorite part of the song was the chorus. The repetition of “what do I do” made it memorable, and each line had me wondering what you were going to say next. Lines like “each heart beat promising/that you’d always be with me” were strong pop lyrics, and “should I be more like him?/maybe I should be more like him” gave the song a very personal, conversational element that helped bring me into the intimacy of the song. There were lines that didn’t feel as special, like “your love ran through my veins” and “you freed my hear/from any walls I built” – both common pop writing tropes that didn’t add much to the song. There’s nothing wrong with including the occasional cliché in a pop song, but it should feel purposeful, or at least be executed in a unique way. Since a good portion of the song was the repetitive chorus, every line in the verses should feel essential, unique, and personal. Still, this was a strong pop entry, and one I enjoyed reading.

 

@PoKiTaurus – Ifrit & The Phoenix

Admittedly, I don’t know anything about Final Fantasy, so you’ll have to let me know what the significance of Ifrit and the Phoenix are within the games. Perhaps for that reason, there were a lot of concepts that remained nebulous to me even after a couple reads through. The song seemed to alternate between operating under heavy metaphors and raw, stream of conscious type writing, and because of that, it was sometimes hard to tell what was meant to be interpreted literally and what was a metaphor. It seems like you were referring to surrogacy literally, but was adoption literal or metaphorical? What is the mark you want tattooed on your shoulder? At times I’m not sure if a line is directed at a Final Fantasy character or a family member. This feels like really personal writing, and I admire it in that way, but it also makes it hard to decipher the layers of the song. There were also lines that I think would have been more impactful with a bit more editing – I think “left of center” would have helped the second stanza stand out more without repeating prepositions. There were definitely lines here I really liked as well – “February arrives, mark me twenty five/I went to see my star, but it wasn’t there” was quite impactful, and the image that “I think I cemented this forest as my own” conjures was quite unique. Because I can see that this was a really personal, powerful entry for you, I’m glad you wrote it. Sometimes that in itself is more important than validation from strangers on the internet, so even if it didn’t quite connect for me, I hope this is something you’re proud of.

oh i didn't realize the sampling meant taking the lyrics  i just sampled the chorus 

[Jackson]

1 hour ago, XO_Life said:

Felt bad for almost 3 years afterwards.

not 3 YEARS   you should do DARE talks 

[XO_Life]

10 minutes ago, Jackson said:

not 3 YEARS   you should do DARE talks 

It kinda still affects my life. I actually had to seek out a therapist to deal with anxiety I've gotten from the ONE time I used it.

 

5 years later and I am still on anti depressants. 

 

On one hand I am thriving now and I really changed my life for the better. I have a good job, I work out 4 times a week and eat healthy. Before the LSD I was drunk every weekend, only ate junk food, never worked out and almost flunked out of college. 

 

It was a wake up call for me... I could've done without the anti depressants, panic attacks & anxiety tho.

 

I am kinda ****** up  

#damagedgoods

[XO_Life]

It's like I traded in some of my issues but got mental health issues in return. It really is ****** up. 

 

Obviously, it was all my fault. I just wish I could go back in time, talk some sense into my younger self and never had to experience the substance and drug abuse.

I never was addicted tho but since 2017 I haven't been drunk and only drank every 4-5 months in moderation.

 

There is definitely more to this story and some ****** up issue that was going on before I even turned 16. 

 

I am 28 now. Kinda might it through but with some scratches.

[Julianna Calm Down]

Thanks for the feedback @Jackson

much appreciated 

 

im curious which songs everyone sampled or wrote sequels to - can we post this? 

Edited July 1, 2023 by Julianna Calm Down