Lady Claire Posted June 4, 2023 Posted June 4, 2023 (edited) Ok, so... i met this guy through IG, he sent me a message, we liked each other and we've been together for 3 months now. We're not in an *actual* relationship but we were doing good. At the very beggining it was everything perfect: we would chat from mornings to late nights, when we saw each other the sex was great, the chemistry was there and he was just like a best friend to me too, we would laugh over stupid things etc. Then things started to change. He started to take a while to respond to my texts than the usual and we were talking less. But the dynamic was still fun, he wasn't monosyllabic or whatever and honestly i don't think it would be fair to ask him to respond to me faster bc he has his life and the world does not revolve around me. But then, this continued... but he started to take even more hours to respond. Sometimes i would send him a good morning text, only for him to reply at 3pm, or even 5pm and what annoyed me is how he wasn't busy than the usual, he was online on other social media normally as he's always been, posting memes, stories on IG, tweeting and just ignoring me. And we weren't having or even chatting about sex anymore. Last weekend he only sent me a message at 10pm and i got sad about it bc obviously he was avoiding me. So we finally had a conversation bc i wanted to know what was going on, what he actually wanted from me and i asked him to be 100% honest. He said that he was just busy with college but still wanted me around, wasn't avoiding me and there was nothing going on or wrong with me. He also said that he would get sad if i leave him. I feel like he was gaslighting me, but ok So... after that conversation he *magically* changed to how he was with me at the beggining, only for a day or two... and then started to act as if he's avoiding me again. I'm feeling uncomfortable with that situation bc still seems like he's treating me like a side piece or whatever and i want to move on (especially bc there's a really cute guy i got my eyes on rn), but at the same time he's still nice to me and i feel bad to just ignore him or the thought of dumping him. Am i overreacting or should i just move on from him? It's not being fun to me anymore, even though i still like him. Edited June 4, 2023 by Lady Claire 1
Badgalbriel Posted June 4, 2023 Posted June 4, 2023 I think you're right. The guy clearly does not want to put the effort in this situationship you 2 have. He might feel comfortable having you around and not having to do any of the hard work. If you just want a f buddy, this is a great opportunity. If you want something else, then just drop him. 7
Pandora30012 Posted June 4, 2023 Posted June 4, 2023 Sounds like hes making an effort but is just busy with life rn. Also reposting a meme doesnt mean that he has time/or is in the mood for a conversation. Its something that can be done passively while taking a break, unlike replying to texts which is an active conversation. 1
May Posted June 4, 2023 Posted June 4, 2023 i had a VERY similar situation and it took me way too long to take control of it im going to say, with 98% certainty, that he has found somebody else to talk to. the best thing for you to do would be to move on. 5
littlebodybigheart Posted June 4, 2023 Posted June 4, 2023 nobody is too busy to respond to a text. i get why you feel like he doesn’t owe you anything but at some point we need to start holding people accountable for what they do. his actions are showing you he doesn’t care. i hope you soon find the motivation/courage to drop him. 5
Lady Claire Posted June 4, 2023 Author Posted June 4, 2023 6 minutes ago, Badgalbriel said: I think you're right. The guy clearly does not want to put the effort in this situationship you 2 have. He might feel comfortable having you around and not having to do any of the hard work. If you just want a f buddy, this is a great opportunity. If you want something else, then just drop him. I thought about thinking of him as a f buddy, but even for that status it's hard bc we barely talk about sex anymore and i think i'm kinda uncomfortable of bringing that conversation to the table again considering how he's treating me. I'm a very anxious introvert, so if i'm not seeing an effort from the other side i don't feel ok and just leave it alone I already decided that i'll drop him, but before that i wanted to hear other opinions on this so i can consider different sides to put into consideration
discosean Posted June 4, 2023 Posted June 4, 2023 You deserve better than this. Break up with him. But let him down gently. Let him know that you've grown and matured and you need more in your relationship and you want him to find more too and be happy. 1
katara Posted June 4, 2023 Posted June 4, 2023 (edited) Yep 2-3 months is the attention span most of gay guys seem to have when it comes to willing to date the same guy. I have had many romances end abruptly roughly around 3 months in coz the guy would get bored and want to chase the next meat or their insecurities or complexes would make them ghost me. Welcome to the modern gay world. Edited June 4, 2023 by katara 3 1
May Posted June 4, 2023 Posted June 4, 2023 3 minutes ago, discosean said: You deserve better than this. Break up with him. But let him down gently. Let him know that you've grown and matured and you need more in your relationship and you want him to find more too and be happy. i wouldn’t even do this. ppl like this have a way of playing the ‘I’ll try harder’ card and luring u back in only for the same **** to keep happening a week later when they get comfortable again. a clean break, 100% ghosting me thinks! 1
CottageHore Posted June 4, 2023 Posted June 4, 2023 From what you’ve shared, this man is showing you, clear as day, through his actions, that he is not serious or committed to you in the way you desire him to be. I know that probably sucks but it’s what’s meant to be. You deserve somebody who doesn’t make you constantly question whether or not he’s into you. I see the same damn story from every gay on this forum some guy shows an interest for a short time and then goes cold out of the blue for whatever reason and can’t communicate explicitly that something changed and instead the man just does a slow fade-out. It’s shitty of him, but that’s his issue. Either be straight up and ask him to be transparent about where he’s at or just be done with him and cut him out completely. Don’t worry, when you do that, he’ll come crawling back, showing the same interest he did initially but that doesn’t mean you should fall for it 1
Blue Rose Posted June 4, 2023 Posted June 4, 2023 Looks like the honeymoon period is over and there doesn’t seem to be anything deep going on from his end. So I say you’re right, you can move on or just keep him as a side piece since the sex is good. But definitely leave your options open since it looks like he is doing the same 2
GentleEarthquake Posted June 4, 2023 Posted June 4, 2023 Are there even happy endings when two gays meet through social media?
Infatuation_Junkie Posted June 4, 2023 Posted June 4, 2023 He’s definitely chatting with somebody else. Time to say bye! 1
Infatuation_Junkie Posted June 4, 2023 Posted June 4, 2023 Just now, GentleEarthquake said: Are there even happy endings when two gays meet through social media? My husband and I met online 15 years ago. Now, we’re married with two kids. 6 1
onapearl Posted June 4, 2023 Posted June 4, 2023 I don't normally condone ghosting... but I wouldn't blame you if you ghosted him in this instance. He's acting like someone who has other people on the side. It sounds like you have other options, so definitely explore those. If you want to, you can let him know that that's what you're doing, and then if he has a problem with that, that gives you an easy out.
ninasayers Posted June 4, 2023 Posted June 4, 2023 (edited) 3 minutes ago, Infatuation_Junkie said: My husband and I met online 15 years ago. Now, we’re married with two kids. That's so nice. :') OT: Yeah, I think it'd be best for you to move on. If it's not fun anymore, then what's the point? Life's too short to be miserable, especially when you have the option to have a good time elsewhere. edit: I don't think you should ghost him, though; you can explain to him why you're choosing to do this. Best of luck, whatever it is you end up doing! Edited June 4, 2023 by ninasayers 2
Breathe On Moi Posted June 4, 2023 Posted June 4, 2023 I’ve come to the conclusion that no guys actually want relationships, they like the idea of it, it’s fun for a few months, but that’s as far as it goes. even if you finally reach the relationship stage, you have to end up compromising (letting him have sex with other ppl, kinks, drugs, terrible personality traits,things deep down you don’t really want, etc.) to keep it going until one of you dies basically. 5
Rev8 Posted June 4, 2023 Posted June 4, 2023 (edited) You should do the same thing back - Like...I understand if he has exams (exam season just started..at least here) so and/or maybe he needs some space (since every relationship with a specific person (be it a friend,family member or w/e) is different and requires a specific type of attention and even Attitude some times (which can mean that he is just not in the mood to chat..and I know that sounds shitty, but if he is going thru something - it should be understandable imo)) Just..stop paying as much attention to him as u do..if he changes after some time - he really just had to go thru something. If he doesn't, move on. That's a good way to not get attached and hurt anymore (somewhat learn to live without him, since u are probably into him rn) I mean..yall aren't even together, so you shouldn't expect much right now. So yea wait some mo' to see where it goes (while giving the same attitude back) Edited June 4, 2023 by Rev8 1
AdrianNicki Posted June 4, 2023 Posted June 4, 2023 What does "we're not in actual relationship" mean? If you are just friends with benefits then I wouldn't really feel sad about this situation. I actually would expect this to happen. But it seems like you have real feeling for him and he treats you just as a **** buddy. I think you have to ask yourself what you really want. If you are looking for a real relationship I would just move on if I were you.
Archetype Posted June 4, 2023 Posted June 4, 2023 You’re upset the man you’re “seeing” but not dating isn’t nearly as responsive as before and you’re also eyeing another guy at the same time. Idk what it is with some of you but make up your mind. If you don’t want to actually date him, then move on. If you want to stay emotionally invested with this guy, ask to make it official. 2
Selegend Posted June 4, 2023 Posted June 4, 2023 (edited) U’re having a relationship without labels. There’s naturally a point where it can turn into 2 things: it can envolve into a boyfriend situation or it will eventually end. For me, its clear that he doesn’t want to put labels with u but he likes u enough to still want u around. i know that even if u never asked him for a label, it alwaysss gets into a stage where what u guys have is so close from a proper relationship that if someone doesn’t stop it (like he’s doing) you would officially be his boyfriend sooner or later. Its innevitable. I’ve already been in both positions (yours and his) and i think you have two options: start behaving how he’s doing with u and see if it works out for u and if u will enjoy a more distant and casual relationship or just leave him. Based on ur last convo with him i dont think communication would make such a difference, the situation and ur options are clear for me! update us later Edited June 4, 2023 by Selegend 1
Zox Posted June 4, 2023 Posted June 4, 2023 Why do y’all post these stories when you literally answer your own question
Lady Claire Posted June 4, 2023 Author Posted June 4, 2023 Thank you for the opinions guys, i truly appreciate it Like i said, i'm planning on moving on, but before that i wanted to know what other people think about it so when it happens i'll know that it wasn't something that was just in my head. I thought i was overreacting or asking much from him but maybe i was just losing my self-respect 1
Selegend Posted June 4, 2023 Posted June 4, 2023 (edited) 4 minutes ago, Zox said: Why do y’all post these stories when you literally answer your own question Just writing about it already helps. Seeing that other people’s takes are similar from urs also helps u to be more sure that u’re not overreacting, for example Edited June 4, 2023 by Selegend 4
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