discussion Anybody else tired of trying to socialize with people?

[MusicLoverDude]

Alright so, I'm on the late 20s/early 30s cusp now (I'm 29 and will be 30 next January). And personally, I feel like I'm at the point where I'm just tired of trying to make new friends. To put this in perspective, I moved away from my hometown a year before COVID hit. So I settled in a new town with my Mom a few months prior to COVID starting, so I was socially isolated until mid-2021 when I started working for a grocery store. The area I currently live in is pretty bad and a lot of shady people, so I don't associate or interact with anyone I live near. 

 

It's been almost 2 years since I started working again and because of it I got to see more of the area I live in, including the nicer areas, but most of the decent people I meet are unfortunately through work. I unfortunately learned the hard way that your coworkers aren't your friends because ANY drama you get into with one, they can just get a manager involved instead of talking to you like a mature adult. 

 

However, even before I dealt with any drama of that kind, I feel like I was constantly just put to the side by people, whether in person or online. The few times I tried inviting someone out to grab lunch, EVERY single time this guy gave me the "I'll let you know" line. He's one of the few people I ended up having conflict with at the store (which, that's a messy story for another time). 

 

The "I'll let you know" line stings every time I hear it, because every time someone tells me that when either trying to hang out or trying to hook up, I just know that nothing will happen. 

 

It actually sucks because back home I could work, but also go to school and be active in clubs, I still was able to throw parties up until right before I moved away, I could go dogwalking for extra money, and etc. Now, all I really do is go to work, do my job, go home, and basically either do chores, run errands for my Mom, and then either play games on my phone or listen to music on my laptop, stream TV shows or let's plays and Youtube videos, and masturbate. If I catch up with friends from back home, it's pretty rare and while I'm apart of multiple Discord and online communities, it isn't the same. 

 

I honestly just get tired of having days off from work just to basically not have anyone to spend those days with. And I get tired of hitting people up just to get "I'll let you know". It's like, why bother? 

 

I haven't used any of my vacation time at work yet because I have no idea what to even do with that time off that would actually be meaningful. Like, I want to save it for my 30th birthday but it's like, how could I even plan ahead when it's hard for me to even hang out with one person? Yet on social media I see my other friends getting together with people relatively often or making good memories with their significant others and what not. 

 

Sorry for the rambling but I needed to vent. Does anyone else feel like this?

[Gorjesspazze9]

I’m anti-social in general. Just Turn 30 a few weeks ago and feel the same. I don’t go on vacation or really do anything outside of work and sleep. But I do plan on trying to get out more this summer

[Power love]

6 minutes ago, MusicLoverDude said:

I feel like I'm at the point where I'm just tired of trying to make new friends

I feel by 30 most ppl feel this way. Most ppl already have friends from high school or college. It’s a lot of work building new friendships later in life most ppl are also very shady & flaky.

 

 Let things happen naturally. By this age most ppl are getting married or have kids. I’d say do things on your own until you find a decent friend or get into a relationship.

[Breathe On Moi]

I’ve never moved away from my friends that I’ve known since being kids so I can totally understand how annoying/terrifying it is to be in your situation tbh, can’t imagine it.

 

also people really just don’t like hanging out post-pandemic from what I’ve seen tbh, it’s not just you. pick up a new hobby, smoke weed, get yourself a second job so broaden your horizon on who you meet (and more $$) 

[Breathe On Moi]

oh also, lesbians make FANTASTIC friends and are always craving/seeking friends, totally random I know but totally true. 

[chaklux]

If you live in the uk, we can always be friends and plan a hang out together. Atrl should start organising physical hang outs. It will be cool

[Blue Jeans]

5 minutes ago, chaklux said:

Atrl should start organising physical hang outs. It will be cool

 

[May]

I used to get this way and it used to really depress me because I’d literally spend months at a time not hanging out with a single person but instead just being alone in my room and I absolutely hated it.

 

Then I actually made a group of friends who would invite me out to things and it was fun for a while and they were nice enough people but eventually I started actually missing the solitude and just enjoying my own company.

 

I’ve deliberately retreated back into solitude now and I feel like there’s power in that. I still have ppl who I could hang out with if I wanted to but honestly being on your own is so underrated especially with our minds already being so overstimulated by the constant stream of breaking news and informational overload we get from social media.

 

in regards to your specific situation, if I were you I’d go on Bumble BFF and find someone that way. I tried it a couple years ago and surprisingly it can yield good results. One of my best friends is also just some random guy I messaged on Grindr 6 years ago like ‘wanna go get drunk?’ And we’ve been best friends ever since.

 

Dont bother with colleagues. Once you leave that job or they leave you’re inevitably going to grow apart

[4Real]

Yes I don't do that.

[West Coast]

Yes omg and it was exhausting I feel so much better being the antisocial I was meant to be

 

[byzantium]

People are the worst!  I try to stay away from them. 

[Helios]

I can’t really give any advice on this issue but I’ll just say please don’t do anything you will regret. When people are sad or lonely they tend to do things they normally wouldn’t then regret it later. Things can always get better but there are some things you can’t take back.

[TouchinFree]

Welcome to 30's. Get used to it because THIS is how mostly it will go. We've all gone through this phase. 30's are minimal of fun and packed with responsibility, growth and smaller and smaller circle of friends. The people that you see hanging out on socials? All there for specific reasons, one wants a job, the other is there for the good food and most will have fallouts soon and move on. 

 

30's are basically about entering the serious relationships territory. Having a partner, working, Professional growth, creating your OWN family whether getting pets or having children or even adopting children. Why? Because that's how you'll connect and socialize. Once you're in a good serious relationship then you'll have to make visits, get to know the other person's family and friends and co workers. Then you have to entertain each other's hobbies and likes which will involve getting to know new people. Not to mention the fact that right when you enter your 30's you will barely have any time nor actual interest in socializing or hitting bars. Your physicality and mentality will be different. You won't have the same interests nor stamina to do what you were doing 6 years ago. 

 

This is my perspective of course. Hence why you see people "busy" all the time. Because most are catching up and are rushing to create their own lives since no one else has enough time to hangout for the sake of hanging out. There has to be a "catch". Some of my great friends tried to re connect so many times but I honestly have a completely different life. 

[CBC]

2 hours ago, chaklux said:

If you live in the uk, we can always be friends and plan a hang out together. Atrl should start organising physical hang outs. It will be cool

 

ot: tl; dr but I feel you I'm tired of socializing too 

[DamianSolo]

I'm an extroverted introvert. Though I do find people tiring at times, I still like to socialize whenever the mood strikes me. So, I do make it a point to socialize, network and meet new people, while mostly just maintaining the friendships I do have.

[VVVVVV]

I guess I understand you. In my personal case I have been Anti social for around decade now. I am 25 and I have never have a bff. I dont hang out, I dont know many places of my city or anything.  I am always at home, that can be pretty boring. I have tried to socialize but... I am broke and uneployed, there always a kind of expending on something, and I feel people want you to be friend in a really dependence way, isnt like before when people have many friends and would divide their time with them (idk im talking about cuz i dont have friends) and just like that.

[Topaz]

Id say just work on yourself atm. I'm 25 and dating is horrid for me. Everybody just wants hookups so Ive just been growing and working on myself until I meet someone who loves me for me and friends that are cool. I have a small circle right now but I dont mind. A few coworkers that want to hang out and been single for 2 years, but I grown a lot in that time. Though! It is surprising that in the Bay Area aka one of the gay capitals of the world its that hard for me to find a boyfriend who wants a simple life of eating together and gaming, but I guess I cant have everything LOL.

[Alldeezy]

Same even though im 30 with no friends or a boyfriend I really need to do the whole soical thing but I really suck at it I have to lie and say I'm 25 when I do try to make new friends bc nobody wants to hang out with a single stan 30 year old. But also have no effort into actually taking to time to do it. I have 2 really good friends but we met over discord and are in America but that's the most I'd do to make friends bc I don't have to actually leave the house.

 

Think after covid I lost the motivation on anything.  

[MusicLoverDude]

On 5/26/2023 at 3:37 PM, Breathe On Moi said:

I’ve never moved away from my friends that I’ve known since being kids so I can totally understand how annoying/terrifying it is to be in your situation tbh, can’t imagine it.

 

also people really just don’t like hanging out post-pandemic from what I’ve seen tbh, it’s not just you. pick up a new hobby, smoke weed, get yourself a second job so broaden your horizon on who you meet (and more $$) 

Yeah I feel like post-pandemic really ****** up a lot of social opportunities. Like, I moved away from my hometown probably at the worst time possible. I was already socially isolated in 2019 just from moving around a lot and 2020 made it worse. Like, I had 5 or 6 breakdowns after I started working again because while I was interacting with and "befriending" a lot of new people close in age to me through work, it wasn't the same as it was back home. I wasn't making any special memories and well...other things happened that ****** up a lot of things. That store felt like a damn high school. 

[Damien M]

On 5/26/2023 at 6:39 PM, chaklux said:

If you live in the uk, we can always be friends and plan a hang out together. Atrl should start organising physical hang outs. It will be cool

I’d honestly be down for it. For the US members at least (bc I live there).

 

 

[EtherealCat]

yes people just dont seem to like me, it used to get me down but im over it at this point, dont get caught up just looking at your phone or laptop all the time, find actual hobbies makes you much happier 

[Lady Claire]

I feel you. My friends are moving on with their lives, finding partners and new friends, and i'm still... here. I had a best friend for 12 years but then we had an argument earlier this year and haven't spoke to each other ever since. The guys i *try* to build a relationship start out great, but then they become distant from me and find someone new. Or they only want sex it's mostly bc i'm very quiet and i have some trust issues, so they think i'm not interested which is not true. Or maybe they get tired of me

 

I'm also very shy and i'm scared of being someone annoying, so i just stay away from many people and respect their spaces... to the point that everyone thinks i'm not interested on talking/being around, but the truth is: all i need was a safe space with someone that i could feel 100% comfortable and open, without overthinking.

 

It's just hard. I'm having *one of those days* so i just turned off my phone and i'm spending some time here so i can forget about this.

[PiperHalliwell]

7 minutes ago, Lady Claire said:

I feel you. My friends are moving on with their lives, finding partners and new friends, and i'm still... here. I had a best friend for 12 years but then we had an argument earlier this year and haven't spoke to each other ever since. The guys i *try* to build a relationship start out great, but then they become distant from me and find someone new. Or they only want sex it's mostly bc i'm very quiet and i have some trust issues, so they think i'm not interested which is not true. Or maybe they get tired of me

 

I'm also very shy and i'm scared of being someone annoying, so i just stay away from many people and respect their spaces... to the point that everyone thinks i'm not interested on talking/being around, but the truth is: all i need was a safe space with someone that i could feel 100% comfortable and open, without overthinking.

 

It's just hard. I'm having *one of those days* so i just turned off my phone and i'm spending some time here so i can forget about this.

same sis, same

 

and i hate myself for this