discussion Husband comes out after 21 years of marriage

[Saintlor]

7 minutes ago, LoveInStereo said:

Coming out as gay late in life is the guilt free midlife crisis these days, huh? Leave your wife for your female secretary, society says you can rot in a hole. Leave your wife for a femboy, you’re a hero for unlearning systemic heteronormativity. It’s such a con. Selfishness is selfishness, don’t make vows you have no intention of keeping

This is absolutely not true

 

It's way more hated to be gay (and be married to a woman) than to be a cheat

[san784]

12 minutes ago, Zox said:

 

21 years ago was the year 2002… even popular democrats like Obama didn’t support gay marriage  homophobia is very much still a thing today, let alone two decades ago. You don’t know what their situation was.  

I didn’t watch the video so I don’t know the whole story or their particular circumstances but if the man knew he was gay before they married and didn’t tell her, then decided to come out after all these years then he is extremely selfish and disgusting. There is absolutely nothing that you can say that will make what he did ok. 

Edited April 22, 2023 by san784

[Redstreak]

4 minutes ago, san784 said:

I didn’t watch the video so I don’t know the whole story or their particular circumstances but if the man knew he was gay before they married and didn’t tell her, then decided to come out after all these years then he is extremely selfish and disgusting. There is absolutely nothing that you can say that will make what he did ok. 

Where were you born? Some of us had parents saying being gay was the worst thing that could happen to them, pastors that pushed people into marriages that could “cure them”, murders and people saying they deserved it for existing. I really have to wonder what’s going on with some in here thinking 20 years ago was some gay utopia. Literally today we have kids getting kidnapped from their parents for being queer

Edited April 22, 2023 by Redstreak

[Zox]

3 minutes ago, san784 said:

I didn’t watch the video so I don’t know the whole story or their particular circumstances but if the man knew he was gay before they married and didn’t tell her, then decided to come out after all these years then he is extremely selfish and disgusting. There is absolutely nothing that you can say that will make what he did ok. 

Or.. what if he was bi? What if he wasn’t sure because they got married young as most people did back then and thus he never got to experience/fully know?
 

You do realize this situation isn’t ideal for him either, right? Lol. I doubt he wanted to stay in an “unhappy” marriage for that long. He probably went through waves of emotions feeling it was worth it to suppress his feelings to stay with his lover and to save their marriage. This must’ve been a difficult decision for him to make.

[crymelanie]

10 minutes ago, Saintlor said:

This is absolutely not true

 

It's way more hated to be gay (and be married to a woman) than to be a cheat

Facts.

[san784]

8 minutes ago, Redstreak said:

Where were you born? Some of us had parents saying being gay was the worst thing that could happen to them, pastors that pushed people into marriages that could “cure them”, murders and people saying they deserved it for existing. I really have to wonder what’s going on with some in here thinking 20 years ago was some gay utopia. Literally today we have kids getting kidnapped from their parents for being queer

my statement still stands. Marrying some person while knowing that you are gay is absolutely wrong. The fair and right thing to do is don’t get married or just get married to someone who is aware of your situation but have no issues being in a marriage with a gay man but nothing you wrote makes it ok for a man to do this to a woman. It is wrong. 

Edited April 22, 2023 by san784

[cockatoo]

People always assume these men have maliciously been hiding their sexuality for years. Some people take longer to figure this stuff out than others. Not everyone understands they're gay at 10 or whatever 

[State of Grace.]

I always try to keep my expectations low when it comes to threads like this but wtf some of the comments here are a mess. Let alone the replies under that TERF's tweet  

 

It is a very unfortunate situation sadly. I usually have almost zero sympathy for gay men who get married and have a "normal gay life" and **** twinks behind their wives backs, but 21 years ago is a totally different time from now. We don't even know if the husband knew he was gay back then. Maybe he didn't have his gay awakening until years later? Not everyone realizes that they're a sissy at 13 lol. It is possible that he truly loved her too. I honestly feel for both of them.

 

Now if this was a recent marriage and the husband hid his sexuality from her then he should be lashed imo.

Edited April 22, 2023 by State of Grace.

[Redstreak]

6 minutes ago, san784 said:

my statement still stands. Marrying some person while knowing that you are gay is absolutely wrong. The fair and right thing to do is don’t get married or just get married to someone who is aware of your situation but have no issues being in a marriage with a gay man but nothing you wrote makes it ok for a man to do this to a woman. It is wrong. 

Once again you talk like this guy is doing it for fun and not genuinely hoping he’ll be turned

[MonsterTown]

if he had to "hide" that he was gay for more than 20 years i have to blame his family, friends his bad childhood, society... because in a "happy" world that you all are pretending that he is in to not come out before.. makes no sense... every person is a world and every family or his own life its different than yours....didn't Bruce Jenner did come out and he was married with children?? we saw he loved his ex-wife and children so..stop the narrative of "evil gay man that throw everything away" isn't like that.

[san784]

8 minutes ago, Zox said:

Or.. what if he was bi? What if he wasn’t sure because they got married young as most people did back then and thus he never got to experience/fully know?
 

You do realize this situation isn’t ideal for him either, right? Lol. I doubt he wanted to stay in an “unhappy” marriage for that long. He probably went through waves of emotions feeling it was worth it to suppress his feelings to stay with his lover and to save their marriage. This must’ve been a difficult decision for him to make.

If he was bi then he should’ve told her that. If he wasn’t sure of his sexuality/feelings then he should have never asked her to marry him. He should’ve sort that part of his life out first before bringing someone else into it.  Too many people don’t take marriage serious enough and that’s why they rush into marriages without sorting out their feelings and getting to know themselves first. What he did was wrong and selfish and there is no excuse for it. 

[MonsterTown]

5 minutes ago, cockatoo said:

People always assume these men have maliciously been hiding their sexuality for years. Some people take longer to figure this stuff out than others. Not everyone understands they're gay at 10 or whatever 

also we can imagine 20 years ago when he was younger and at that time must be a harder society acceptance but also the most important thing, self acceptance. 

[Brooklyn Baby]

There's hope for S*a*n 

Edited April 22, 2023 by Taeyong

[Communion]

That user is literally a straight woman who runs an anti-trans mag and went viral for mocking a gay teen with AIDs.

 

 

[Communion]

16 minutes ago, san784 said:

my statement still stands. Marrying some person while knowing that you are gay is absolutely wrong. The fair and right thing to do is don’t get married or just get married to someone who is aware of your situation but have no issues being in a marriage with a gay man but nothing you wrote makes it ok for a man to do this to a woman. It is wrong. 

Whose dupe is this?? 

 

[san784]

12 minutes ago, Redstreak said:

Once again you talk like this guy is doing it for fun and not genuinely hoping he’ll be turned

Well, you don’t f**k with someone’s life like that. Sorry. There is absolutely nothing you can say to convince me that getting married to someone while knowing you’re gay or at least suspecting you could be gay isn’t selfish. If you think you’re gay don’t get married to a woman who literally have no idea you have these feelings. Do the right thing and give yourself time to sort your feelings out and be absolutely sure of who you are and what you want before tying yourself to someone who genuinely believes you’re 100% into them. 

 

Edited April 22, 2023 by san784

[san784]

3 minutes ago, Communion said:

Whose dupe is this?? 

 

What does this have to do with this topic? If you have a sensible reply please respond with that but bringing this into this thread is pointless, irrelevant and just proves you can’t respond intelligently so you resort to these kind of tactics

Edited April 22, 2023 by san784

[Communion]

1 minute ago, san784 said:

bringing this into this thread is pointless, irrelevant 

Why are you posting on ATRL while hating both transgender and gay people?

[Vixen Eyes]

there is nothing wrong with finding who you are at a later time in your life. a lot of people are forced into living hetero lives because its all they know/are told is the "normal" thing to do

[Satin]

1 minute ago, Communion said:

That user is literally a straight woman who runs an anti-trans mag and went viral for mocking a gay teen with AIDs.

 

 

Not that  What's she doing appropriating gay pngs all over her Twitter  I think the subject is still interesting and there seem to be ATRLers on both sides of the conversation though

[san784]

Just now, Communion said:

Why are you posting on ATRL while hating both transgender and gay people?

There is absolutely nothing I said that indicates I hate transgender or gay people. If you jumped to that conclusion because I have a difference of opinion about certain topics then that’s your problem. 

[Poxy]

EDIT: People clocked that twitter user is a rampant homophobe and transphobe. Disgusting, hopefully we don’t thread their “takes” or posts again

Edited April 22, 2023 by Poxy

[Mordecai]

Can we not with the revisionism  Being gay only started to become somewhat acceptable in society's eyes a little over a decade ago, let's not act like coming out in the early 2000s would've been met with open arms.

 

I feel sorry for the woman, nobody deserves something like that to happen to them and she probably feels betrayed or 'deceived' to some level. But I also applaud the man for being brave enough to finally live his truth. It shows the progress we're making.

[Smarticle]

I wonder what the kids think

[Reginald]

Interesting how a hateful, homophobic culture pushes people to lie, cheat, self-sabotage, and hurt the people who love them, in an effort to hide their true identity. Who could ever have predicted this?!

 

(Sarcasm)