wantedyoutogrow Posted March 25, 2023 Posted March 25, 2023 so for some backstory basically me and my friend are both 20 and she's been dating this guy for maybe a little over a year now. he's a little older than us, I think he's either 26/27. so the issue is that he keeps cheating on her and she just won't leave. it's not like she doesn't want to leave him or that she can't, cause she can. it's just that after every confrontation he comes up with some BS excuse or he even downright starts crying, like bawling his eyes. I've witnessed that with my own 2 eyes. he mostly cheats on her by sexting other women and exchanging nudes with them. he has also physically cheated atleast 3 times, it could be more. it has come to a point that I just find the whole situation extremely annoying and I just start losing respect for my friend. she's a nice girl and all, but I just find her stupid and I feel bad because while we're not besties or anything but we've known each other since high school and we are close-ish friends and I don't want to end a friendship over her just being stupid and "in love". basically would I be an ******* if I just cut contact with her or atleast just stop communicating with her that frequently. we go to the same university and we are in different majors so it won't be that hard to avoid her. and before anyone asks, no I don't think her boyfriend is abusive, I've asked her and she firmly denied it. her excuse for not leaving him is that 1) he's hot 2) he's kinda rich, not like rich rich, but he has a well paying job 3) when he doesn't cheat he is very nice to her.
EtherealCat Posted March 25, 2023 Posted March 25, 2023 no, if she wants to stay with a cheater then i dont see why thats your problem
wantedyoutogrow Posted March 25, 2023 Author Posted March 25, 2023 8 minutes ago, EtherealCat said: no, if she wants to stay with a cheater then i dont see why thats your problem cause, honestly that's all she wants to talk about and if I try to change the subject she says "oh so you don't care about my problems"
bjorn Posted March 25, 2023 Posted March 25, 2023 You have to make it clear to her that you don’t want to talk about him/her relationship issues.
Kiss It Better Posted March 25, 2023 Posted March 25, 2023 no, but this was how one of my friendships ended, and the worst part is that she was a catfish
Khal Posted March 25, 2023 Posted March 25, 2023 Tbh for me, yes. That’s loser, spineless behaviour and it’ll reflect in other aspects of her life, not just relationships. Not sure I could stand being friends with someone like that Unless there’s some other incentive she’s getting from the relationship which is why she’s staying.
duybeeGAshantiGA Posted March 25, 2023 Posted March 25, 2023 Tell her from now on if you want to be friends dont mention that guy anymore bcuz uve had enuf of his bullshit. If she agrees then theres no reason to end the relationship. If she doesnt agreen then she chooses it.
velocity Posted March 25, 2023 Posted March 25, 2023 Yes, absolutely. You are who you surround yourself with and she honestly sounds pathetic. Where is her dignity? And I know that the drama and toxicity is leeching into your friendship as well, it always does.
Rev8 Posted March 25, 2023 Posted March 25, 2023 Well..u have to realize why she is with him it's not for the relationship for sure she knows that this won't be her "fairy tale" thing she just trying to feed her ego and get easy materialistic stuff Imo u shouldn't end your friendship with her, except if u think this is too toxic behaviour frm both and u dont want to be friends with this kind of person (this is all based on what I am reading. U know the story better obvi)
shinyshimmery Posted March 25, 2023 Posted March 25, 2023 Cut off contact with her, I've been the supportive friend for too long and that ish gets really annoying. She will call you nonstop with her problems... orrrrrr you can make it very clear to her now that if she wants to stay with that cheater, you dont wanna know anything about it. Some people use others as their emotional outlet rather than getting a therapist. I will just forewarn that her problems could start affecting your own life at some point too. Negativity attracts negativity.
Digitalism Posted March 25, 2023 Posted March 25, 2023 3 hours ago, wantedyoutogrow said: cause, honestly that's all she wants to talk about and if I try to change the subject she says "oh so you don't care about my problems" Be real with her. Tell her to her face that you don't support that relationship because he is a cheater and that you don't want to talk about it anymore because it hurts her. You have to set boundaries
Alldeezy Posted March 25, 2023 Posted March 25, 2023 Man if she stays with him she should at least call it an open relationship if she's okay with it. Idk I get it be frustrating for you but at the end of the day it's there relationship and anyone else shouldn't have a say. Bad or not. I'd stay don't cut her off completely but maybe start hanging out with her less and less and slowly cut her out. Completely cutting someone put actually does more damage on them.
Lady Claire Posted March 28, 2023 Posted March 28, 2023 I think you should, really. Don't cut her off completely, but just... stay away from her. She's making choices for her life and unfortunately we don't have control over these things. Don't let this issue drain you too. I also lost my best friend this year, and we've been friends for like 13 years... unfortunately she made her choice. And there was nothing i could do about that. I think in life people come and go and i'm sure you'll find better friends to be around with.
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