What is the cheat code for keeping a man???(need help as a prude)

[Sweet Sexy Savage]

Since I was able to legally have Tinder/my first dating app when I was 18 about 5 years ago, I have not met or connected with a single guy since then. There were moments where I was able to reach a deeper, mutual friendship with one or two of them, but I ultimately end up cutting them off because the friendship dies out. However, what I’m here for is to meet a nice friendly guy who can do cute **** together and I can cook for daily, but instead everyone just wants to cheat, ghost, or just hook up and I’m tired of whoring around since that **** takes a toll on your mental health and to those that say it doesn’t are lying to themselves.

Anyways, I was talking to this guy not even for a week and things seemed to be going okay. He liked that during our conversations we had a commonality in eating different types of food and some cooking. He said he was even shocked that one of my signature dishes I made was one of his go-to’s as well. All of this sweet talk and I think things are going good and then he just completely peters out of the conversation and last replies with,”oh sorry I’m at (near your home city) right now I’ve been busy” and this was like 3 days ago. It’s like I gave this dude who I never would have thought to give the time and day a chance and I feel like boo boo the fool over here. 
 

What do you girls think?

 

Edited February 22, 2023 by Sweet Sexy Savage

[samsclubPRESENTSavam]

get someone u can ho with. ain't nobody else offering that.

 

[Sweet Sexy Savage]

1 minute ago, samsclubPRESENTSavam said:

get someone u can ho with. ain't nobody else offering that.

 

It’s so funny because once I decide to hoe out with someone and try to get to know them too I get ghosted like nvrm you don’t get my bussy if you’re gonna treat me like the other bussies you pound

[loveisdead9582]

Up down up down left right b, a, start

[LittleStarmen]

I think looking on tinder is a wrong move. At least grindr you are honest about just wanting sex and if something else comes is a great bonus. Most people in these apps are just bored and not looking for anything.

 

Tinder is just grindr delayed

[Orsay]

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/-udpOcwusjw

[Sweet Sexy Savage]

5 minutes ago, LittleStarmen said:

I think looking on tinder is a wrong move. At least grindr you are honest about just wanting sex and if something else comes is a great bonus. Most people in these apps are just bored and not looking for anything.

 

Tinder is just grindr delayed

Sex is not my intention and I’ve tried grindr, but it’s just not it for me. 

[JoeAg]

well my ex boyfriend was able to keep me for about two years, and, speaking as an attractive man whom he kept…

 

1. beards. these are nice and can feel good in areas

2. music. make each other playlists 

3. be unafraid to share each other’s traumas

4. keep things interesting. surprise him with something new about you! don’t spill everything about yourself in the first month 🫢 be unpredictable in a tasteful way, to put it bluntly

[Sweet Sexy Savage]

7 minutes ago, JoeAg said:

be unafraid to share each other’s traumas

 

I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around this… why would potential interests be interested in this? Unless they’re already your partner for sure, but what if you haven’t dated yet?  And what does it mean to be unpredictable? There’s really not much about me I can figure out, so this makes me curious how to surprise someone with something new? 

Edited February 22, 2023 by Sweet Sexy Savage

[LittleStarmen]

32 minutes ago, Sweet Sexy Savage said:

Sex is not my intention and I’ve tried grindr, but it’s just not it for me. 

I meant that could be others intention and thats why its not a match

[Sweet Sexy Savage]

7 minutes ago, Juanny said:

Okay I’ll just throw you some random thoughts I had, they might not be applicable to your situation but whatever, you’re asking why you can’t keep someone around past a couple weeks so I’ll give some nonspecific advice!
 

Men have a bit of a primitive desire for a chase. Regardless of whether or not we are gay, many of the same rules and technique women have had to use to land their man apply equally to gay men.

 

Never allow him to have you 100% pinned down. Disagree with him (politely) if you disagree with him. Men enjoy someone who can speak their mind but do it politely, challenging them. It shows you don’t care to appease him, you’re kind, but you have an opinion and you’ll tell him. We are turned OFF by “yes men” and “I’m just a hole” men who agree with everything. If you’re feeling like he doesn’t deserve sex after X dates, you politely decline him when he wants to come into your condo at 12 midnight even if you’re horny. “I’m going to bed, but I had a great time. how are you getting home? Uber? Oh fantastic, let’s do something again sometime, we’ll text ”—close the door on his face but not before giving him a kiss or something affectionate if you do like him. You’re not acting like a **** who just wants to hookup, so he won’t treat you like one or think of you like a hookup. He wants to hang but you have a yoga class/spin class/have decided you want to cook your chicken parmigiana recipe that evening? “Sorry, I have plans for a yoga class that evening and I’d like to see it through—I do want to see you and—“ (important) “—I’M free next Sunday”. Take it or leave it.

 

One thing I have learned about being with men and trying to “get one” is that it has nothing to do with how hot or beautiful you are. Your looks don’t matter. Once a man decides he has captured you mentally and physically, he is bored, and he will ghost you or slowly start to slip from your DMs. So keep it light, keep it interesting, keep it nice and respectful, and keep him on his toes. He can lose you any time because you’re interviewing him, not the other way around (: And you really don’t care if he randomly vanishes or you lose his dick because you’ve already seen 50 better ones. Our ho phase is over, in the past. Done. 
 

And most importantly, everything in life you chase runs away. If you start chasing him down in your DMs like a puppy, he will go. If you start implying or showing you’re already ready to give him 100% and he hasn’t even tried yet, he will go. So if he’s clowning, you go find someone who’s not. They come running back to you every time, trust me. Men (at least the quality ones) want a relationship with someone who have a high degree of dignity and function perfectly outside of a relationship. Don’t act like every other man in his DMs, bothered and confused about why he’s losing interest. Because if he’s losing interest, you are too—right? (: Good luck, there’s a lot of great guys out there that will treat you with respect and be your best friend! You’ll find him, but you respect yourself first and that starts with taking control of your own self-happiness first. 

Oh wow you sound like you got your **** together, you must have a really good home life growing up.  yeah you have great advice and you sound like a mother mothering, but I still have many ways to go before I can even do all these things let alone have the mental capacity to go through with the playing hard to get method. Maybe I’m just meant to be alone like my mom and that’s on my trauma/inner child talking, but that’s just my little TMI/rant. 

[Alldeezy]

i'd like to know too   i've been in so many relationships that went nowhere! its why I gave up dating for good. 

[RideOrDie]

2 hours ago, Juanny said:

Okay I’ll just throw you some random thoughts I had, they might not be applicable to your situation but whatever, you’re asking why you can’t keep someone around past a couple weeks so I’ll give some nonspecific advice!
 

Men have a bit of a primitive desire for a chase. Regardless of whether or not we are gay, many of the same rules and technique women have had to use to land their man apply equally to gay men.

 

Never allow him to have you 100% pinned down. Disagree with him (politely) if you disagree with him. Men enjoy someone who can speak their mind but do it politely, challenging them. It shows you don’t care to appease him, you’re kind, but you have an opinion and you’ll tell him. We are turned OFF by “yes men” and “I’m just a hole” men who agree with everything. If you’re feeling like he doesn’t deserve sex after X dates, you politely decline him when he wants to come into your condo at 12 midnight even if you’re horny. “I’m going to bed, but I had a great time. how are you getting home? Uber? Oh fantastic, let’s do something again sometime, we’ll text ”—close the door on his face but not before giving him a kiss or something affectionate if you do like him. You’re not acting like a **** who just wants to hookup, so he won’t treat you like one or think of you like a hookup. He wants to hang but you have a yoga class/spin class/have decided you want to cook your chicken parmigiana recipe that evening? “Sorry, I have plans for a yoga class that evening and I’d like to see it through—I do want to see you and—“ (important) “—I’M free next Sunday”. Take it or leave it.

 

One thing I have learned about being with men and trying to “get one” is that it has nothing to do with how hot or beautiful you are. Your looks don’t matter. Once a man decides he has captured you mentally and physically, he is bored, and he will ghost you or slowly start to slip from your DMs. So keep it light, keep it interesting, keep it nice and respectful, and keep him on his toes. He can lose you any time because you’re interviewing him, not the other way around (: And you really don’t care if he randomly vanishes or you lose his dick because you’ve already seen 50 better ones. Our ho phase is over, in the past. Done. 
 

And most importantly, everything in life you chase runs away. If you start chasing him down in your DMs like a puppy, he will go. If you start implying or showing you’re already ready to give him 100% and he hasn’t even tried yet, he will go. So if he’s clowning, you go find someone who’s not. They come running back to you every time, trust me. Men (at least the quality ones) want a relationship with someone who have a high degree of dignity and function perfectly outside of a relationship. Don’t act like every other man in his DMs, bothered and confused about why he’s losing interest. Because if he’s losing interest, you are too—right? (: Good luck, there’s a lot of great guys out there that will treat you with respect and be your best friend! You’ll find him, but you respect yourself first and that starts with taking control of your own self-happiness first. 

see when you dont grow up with major childhood attachment trauma and self identity issues

[May]

offer them something they can’t get anywhere else

 

i like to show them that im a lil bit crazy but grounded at the same time 

[#Beautiful]

delete the apps, put down the phone and meet someone irl

 

[Archetype]

Use a dating website or app known more for dating.  My best friend (unsuccessfully) uses Raya.  You need to stop using things like G and T bc most guys on those apps just want sex or no strings attached relationships.  They’re not serious relationship people nor do they have the capability to commit long term. 
 

My partner and I have been together forever.  You just need to find someone who can match your intentions and commit to them. 

[Infatuation_Junkie]

Big d energy tbh

[Pacify Him]

There are obvious cues as to find who is worthy of long-term. There are plenty of other gay guys looking for the same

[RunUpDoneUp]

What makes you think you won't get tired cooking for a dude daily? Or get tired of doing cute things too?

 

Relationships aren't static, sometimes you'll ask yourself why you have dude in house because he won't be "cute" everyday or do the right thing, everytime. Take things as they come and lower your expectations from dating apps.

 

It's a numbers game for everyone, just don't rush or put yourself in that timetable mindset because you want a lifestyle change. Good luck.

[JoeAg]

On 2/21/2023 at 11:01 PM, Sweet Sexy Savage said:

I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around this… why would potential interests be interested in this? Unless they’re already your partner for sure, but what if you haven’t dated yet?  

oh sorry babe i meant to answer this before

 

hmmm maybe i’m just surrounded by a queer community that’s very trauma bonded but lowkey i’ve historically bonded a lot with other people with shared experiences, and i feel like if done healthily, it can really accentuate trust in a new relationship when you get into deep stuff not too long after beginning to see someone. again, it all depends on how y’all communicate with each other, so it’s good to just … be ABLE to feel things out with people. that’s a skill you learn as you approach your 30s imo

[MadonnasBoyfriend]

Apps make modern romantic relationships impossible. Stick to fbuds imo.

[Theshigo Washidu]

There is no cheat code. A man will step out whenever he wants to.

That's why you love yourself more than you love him.

 

Women tend to be more loyal.

[imabadkid]

4 hours ago, St. Francis said:

There is no cheat code. A man will step out whenever he wants to.

That's why you love yourself more than you love him.

 

Women tend to be more loyal.

This. Men are a mess and 99% (good luck finding the 1%) think with their d*cks... which makes dating even more complicated esp in a time where sex is so easily accessible and men these days seem even more willing to stick their d*cks in ANYTHING (and I do mean anything) but your person is also out there so I don't believe in forcing anything.

[MadonnasBoyfriend]

 

Follow this song (especiallykellys part) and bite your tounge when you dislike something. And if your gay make sure he doesn't know what grindr is. This is what my mom and grandma do. I'd never. I don't want a relationship

Edited February 25, 2023 by MadonnasBoyfriend

[cockatoo]

I started having a lot more success with keeping guys interested by just being more self confident tbh. If you go into dates firmly in the knowledge that you are great and he'd be lucky to have you it changes the dynamic massively (as opposed to desperately trying to get him to like you). You should stop thinking about how you're coming across and whether he's interested in you and spend more time thinking about whether you like him.

 

Obviously that's easier said than done but a few things that have helped me:

• Take some time to really think about the things that make you great. People often get hung up on their insecurities, but we all have these and no one is perfect. If you focus on the great things about yourself you can put them at the forefront of your conversations and approach to socialising. I'm not talking about physical things, I mean like your personality, your interests etc
• Take a step back from dating for a few months. The key to a healthy dating life is truly being comfortable by yourself and dating is something you do because you want a relationship, not because you need one. A lot of single people claim to be happy alone, but I've found the vast majority are just putting up a front to save face. When you really find happiness in your own company/that of your friends it truly changes your whole outlook on life, not just dating.
• Just have fun with it. Most guys you date will not end up being anything serious so don't set your self up for disappointment. Go into every date with an open mind and just take things one step at a time. When you do meet someone who you could see yourself with long term, it will be a nice surprise rather than a relief.

 

For context, I'm 25 almost 26 and have only really managed to have a healthy attitude to dating in the past year or so. You've got to remember that you're still very young and have plenty of time to figure things out.

Edited February 25, 2023 by cockatoo