Friend is turning into a stalker, lowkey. How do I stop him?

[Specter]

So I just got off a phone call with my friend and Context:

 

 

-He's 27 years old, and pan. Has tried to date on and off on Bumble/Tinder. 

-Matched with a 37 year old guy last year (I thought the age gap was a red flag, and told him so). They hit it off, but more of in a conversational sense, and from what I can tell it was like, deep conversations? But not romantic. They apparently spoke about masculinity and representations of queerness in DMs

They didn't exchange numbers despite talking on there for a while. Conversation fizzled out, and the guy unmatched. I don't think my friend was very affected by this, because in any case he had deleted his own account later I think. 

That 37 year old did have insta in his bio, and my friend who runs a semi-popular meme page () looked him up, followed him back. But obv never revealed himself and I guess the guy did not know either. They never interacted on insta.

Fast forward to this year, and mess. 

-Friend got on Tinder again. And yes, they matched again. 

-He told me he remembered him, but did not mention they spoke once. He thought its better to have a clean slate, and that well, he did swipe again. (I told him he should have unmatched.)

-They spoke for a day, normally. Then the other guy brought up they had met once, and my friend feigned it and recollected memory and all that. He brought up that they had good conversations. But it was awkward. 

Day 2, silence. My friend asks him in the night how his day went. 

Unmatched. but also funny (to me).

 

Now, my friend is upset somewhat understandably. But from where I'm standing, this was just mildly awkward and something that will pass. It's not much to write home about. But it can be because my friend wants to:

 

-Message him on Instagram (& out himself as a follower that has been following him for months )

Or

-View his profile on LinkedIn in hopes of getting a reply back.

Or

-Delete his current profile, recreate it exactly, and then swipe on him again

 

I've told him that's creepy, and that an explanation isn't "owed". It's an unmatch on Tinder, nothing else. I don't understand the infatuation, the guy is apparently some artsy intellectual gay so it's not just physical (he's not jacked or anything, which tbh is refreshing to hear cause my friend usually goes for meatheads). And tbh it looks like he's more excited about the /idea/ of an older man like him more than other things. 

 

What do I do? I've made my opinions on this clear, but I really think my friend is going to do something really cringe. And I think this would read stalkery, despite it "" technically "" not being so. And then he got really angry at me... 

Edited January 29, 2023 by Phantom

[The7thStranger]

You have the nerve to say that a ten-year age gap is a red flag when your friend is one acting like he's on bath salts? Girl.

[Bloodflowers.]

He should stream Ava Max's new song "Dancing's Done" and understand that once it's over, it's over and he should move on.

[EtherealCat]

ask the guy what went wrong and give your friend helpful tips 

[dumbsparce]

Don't do anything. Let him crash and burn and experience the embarrassment. That's the only way he'll come out of this wiser.

[Specter]

1 minute ago, The7thStranger said:

You have the nerve to say that a ten-year age gap is a red flag when your friend is one acting like he's on bath salts? Girl.

fdzkjhgjfkhds I MEAN

 

[The7thStranger]

1 minute ago, Phantom said:

fdzkjhgjfkhds I MEAN

 

tbh If he gets mad at you over the truth, let him stay mad. It's better than saying nothing. It sounds like he's losing touch with reality a little when it comes to this guy. Feels a bit unearned.

[ProudLBS]

Get a gun

[whtvrdude]

17 minutes ago, Phantom said:

What do I do?

Block him, no?

[Bussea]

8 minutes ago, The7thStranger said:

You have the nerve to say that a ten-year age gap is a red flag when your friend is one acting like he's on bath salts? Girl.

[LoveInStereo]

If your friend can’t understand at 27 that no love story begins like that then you need to let him fall flat on his face & learn via humiliation. Most of us go through this a lot earlier in life than him but better late than never. In my experience trying to help friends who are making terrible choices driven by infatuation, trying to intervene is throwing gas on the fire. Let him make a fool of himself. One day, he’ll look back & be grateful for the wake-up call. He won’t learn **** till he’s forced to face how cringe he’s being

[Companion]

Find the guy and meet with him and once he became your bf. Told your friend that you dont need to worry about him cuz its my problem now. So your friend eventually lost his interest. Sisters before misters 

[Specter]

6 minutes ago, whtvrdude said:

Block him, no?

Thanks for most definitely reading this thread, sis

 

[whtvrdude]

2 minutes ago, Phantom said:

Thanks for most definitely reading this thread, sis

 

That took a while, and I still do not understand the issue

[fememeist]

Maybe Your Friend is the Problem

[Archetype]

This isn’t your problem.  Let your friend make a fool of himself so he can experience the consequences and learn from his mistakes.  Don’t ask him about it anymore either.  
 

For context, I have a friend who was obsessed with his ex who broke up with him and took years to get over it.  He constantly stalked him online and would send him letters in the mail, etc.  I told him I don’t want to hear about it anymore and that he can keep his obsession to himself.  We stopped talking for a while, but he reached out once he fell in love with a new guy and they started dating.  We’re friends again, but I warned him that if anything happens and he falls back into obsessive tendencies, I’m out.

[GentleEarthquake]

Don't do anything, he'll learn eventually

[McNulty]

sometimes people need to learn life lessons

[Cain]

As someone who's ex is an actual stalker, this is just dumb behavior
Let him make a fool of himself

[Digitalism]

Tell him he is acting like stalker 

After that don't do anything and let him crash and burn 

Finally you can tell him I told you so afterwards 

 

[May]

i must be unhinged bc i don’t class this as stalkerish behaviour at all i just think it’s a guy being a bit dense  

[Cain]

10 minutes ago, May said:

i must be unhinged bc i don’t class this as stalkerish behaviour at all i just think it’s a guy being a bit dense  

Making fake profiles to talk to someone is stalker-y tho

[Specter]

2 minutes ago, Cain said:

Making fake profiles to talk to someone is stalker-y tho

Well

 

It's not fake. He told me that the least creepy option is to delete his Tinder, reinstall it after a few weeks (and keep the profile identical), and then hope he swipes again. 

 

No way in HELL that guy is swiping on him again ddfghxjxhdb and not should he tbh

[Cain]

8 minutes ago, Phantom said:

Well

 

It's not fake. He told me that the least creepy option is to delete his Tinder, reinstall it after a few weeks (and keep the profile identical), and then hope he swipes again. 

 

No way in HELL that guy is swiping on him again ddfghxjxhdb and not should he tbh

That’s literally such a waste of time but like others have said he needs to find out for himself!

 

Having online infatuations is kind of immature tho in the sense that at some point you should be confident enough in yourself to not totally obsess over a profile

[May]

18 minutes ago, Cain said:

Making fake profiles to talk to someone is stalker-y tho

idk my first ever bf did it to me and i thought it was kinda sweet