How to be more confident approaching guys?

[brenda-walsh]

A few weeks ago, I was at the club and my friends and I were dancing when this really cute guy approached me and started dancing with me. He took my hand and told me "I was looking fine tonight." We told each other our names and kept dancing for a little.

 

Then "Low" by Flo Rida came on and I think he said something like "I love when the DJ plays this song." I didn't fully hear him so I just replied "ya I love this song" in like an awkward way  Then he giggled and I felt really dorky. After the song finished him and his friend went to the bathroom because some creep started grinding on her.

 

Cut to a couple minutes later, I see him again and wanna go up to talk to him, but I wanted to a get another drink in my system before going up to him. On the way to the bar my friends and I passed him and... it goes downhill from here.

 

I took a shot and literally a minute later threw up right there at the bar  It was so embarrassing and we like ran outside to clean off. I wanted to go home but my friends convinced me to stay. So after I'm cleaned up, we head back inside to find him and I see him dancing on some girl and got really sad.

 

Moral of the story, it taught me that I should be more confident in myself and not have to rely on alcohol/anything else to feel comfortable enough going up to a guy. But how do people do this?? Even if I know they're attracted to me I get really anxious and honestly don't even know what to say/do 

 

So what are some ways you approach a guy and some things you tell yourself to ease the nerves?

[ProudLBS]

21 minutes ago, brenda-walsh said:

I should be more confident in myself and not have to rely on alcohol/anything else to feel comfortable enough going up to a guy

Nah, just start drinking at home

[KillingYourCareer]

I don't recommend intoxicating your body with alcohol in order to achieve that. Confidence is something that comes naturally, you should start doing something that'll make you feel more confident. It can be something like going to the gym or achieving a goal. It'll change your approach with people!

[conquxror]

3 minutes ago, KillingYourCareer said:

I don't recommend intoxicating your body with alcohol in order to achieve that. Confidence is something that comes naturally, you should start doing something that'll make you feel more confident. It can be something like going to the gym or achieving a goal. It'll change your approach with people!

This. + being intoxicated can lead to some pretty awkward and uncomfortable situations.

[Cain]

I have no idea how to approach people in a club tbh, usually guys just come to me and that's fine but I would like to build up enough confidence to approach someone and start talking. The only thing is that you don't know anything about that person except that you find them hot and I hate being like 'you look hot'

[brazil]

Confidence comes from within more than external achievements or anything else. Watch how you talk to yourself. Be kind to yourself and others and so on. The App Calm has a confidence series. 

[Kavish]

Don't wait to be confident to start taking action. 

 

Take action to start building confidence.

 

[Nano]

Do weed. Seriously.

[XXI.]

Your perception is your reality, and confidence is simply self-perception. If you want to be confident think and act confidently. 

[Bloodflowers.]

You start by streaming "Confident" by Demi Lovato and "Me Too" by Meghan Trainor

[harwee]

Offer them money

[Smarticle]

Wait so u didn't re-approach after throwing up?

 

[GentleEarthquake]

Listen to Antifragile by Le Sserafim

[spree]

I agree that you shouldn't wait to be confident to start taking action.  Take baby steps right away.  Make it a point to talk to someone new...for whatever reason...the next time you go out.  Alcohol helps lower your guard, but cross the line and it gets awkward.  But a nice initial buzz can really help.

[Bones]

18 minutes ago, Nano said:

Do weed. Seriously.

This tbh and mix it with chocolate and cream butter then do sum more

[BGKC]

34 minutes ago, Nano said:

Do weed. Seriously.

Idk about that as a solution, when people are utterly dependent on alcohol to be confident or social it means they’re already dealing with severe social anxieties and PTSD that smoking weed will ultimately amplify. It makes people with sever social anxieties more self conscious, triggering panic attacks along with tremors/jitters in some cases. I’ve worked in rehabs and I’ve seen this first hand. Chronic weed smokers who smoke weed to relax don’t have the same kind of social anxieties. These type of weed smokers could care less what people think in general along with their appearances. This is why they aren’t as triggered and are led to believe weed is a relaxer by default. I personally just know I look HAGGARD after I smoke and refuse to smoke in social settings because of it. Im too vain and start to overthink when I smoke.  I only smoke in the comfort of my own home or at a beach/hike etc. 

Edited January 3, 2023 by BGKC

[Katamari]

31 minutes ago, harwee said:

Offer them money

U always give the best advice

[cockatoo]

I often get quite anxious in social situations, but it's much better now than when I was younger. I'd say I'm pretty confident on a date these days vs 3/4 years ago. You've got to spend some time realising what makes you good and what you like about yourself because chances are that's what other people will see in you. If you like yourself and feel comfortable in your skin, then you'll be more confident.

 

Also just talking to people comes with practice. Even if it seems daunting in the moment, you need to push through it a bit and think about the longer term benefits of making that new connection. Don't worry about seeming awkward because most people are too focused on themselves to care too much about any minor slip ups you make.

[WildOne]

Mindfulness, I highly recommend the Waking Up app, and they offer a "scholarship" if you say you need it! 

 

In this situation, the application of mindfulness would look something like this: take a moment to recognize your thoughts and emotions, acknowledge that you're nervous, acknowledge that those feelings are not based in reality (as you said, even when you know someone is attracted to you, you still get nervous), and make the decision that you are simply not going to act on those feelings of nerves and self-consciousness. Your body can feel those feelings all it wants, you can't always control your feels, but you can control how you respond to them. Your nerves do NOT have to boss you around! It's easier said than done, but you can simply make the decision to let them do their thing while you do what you actually want to do (talk to the guy). 

 

I promise, once you do this a few times, it gets a lotttt easier!

[brenda-walsh]

2 hours ago, Cain said:

I have no idea how to approach people in a club tbh, usually guys just come to me and that's fine but I would like to build up enough confidence to approach someone and start talking. The only thing is that you don't know anything about that person except that you find them hot and I hate being like 'you look hot'

exactly! i always depend on guys appraching me, which is fine because i usually get approached. but i don't always wanna have to wait for someone 

[brenda-walsh]

2 hours ago, Nano said:

Do weed. Seriously.

 

1 hour ago, Bones said:

This tbh and mix it with chocolate and cream butter then do sum more

i used to be so addicted to weed and would spend everyday senior yr of college high so i quit  it makes me so anxious now, i smoked once before going out a couple months ago and it was the worst thing ever 

[brenda-walsh]

2 hours ago, Kavish said:

Don't wait to be confident to start taking action. 

 

Take action to start building confidence.

 

 

2 hours ago, XXI. said:

Your perception is your reality, and confidence is simply self-perception. If you want to be confident think and act confidently. 

 

2 hours ago, spree said:

I agree that you shouldn't wait to be confident to start taking action.  Take baby steps right away.  Make it a point to talk to someone new...for whatever reason...the next time you go out.  Alcohol helps lower your guard, but cross the line and it gets awkward.  But a nice initial buzz can really help.

 

1 hour ago, cockatoo said:

I often get quite anxious in social situations, but it's much better now than when I was younger. I'd say I'm pretty confident on a date these days vs 3/4 years ago. You've got to spend some time realising what makes you good and what you like about yourself because chances are that's what other people will see in you. If you like yourself and feel comfortable in your skin, then you'll be more confident.

 

Also just talking to people comes with practice. Even if it seems daunting in the moment, you need to push through it a bit and think about the longer term benefits of making that new connection. Don't worry about seeming awkward because most people are too focused on themselves to care too much about any minor slip ups you make.

 

1 hour ago, WildOne said:

Mindfulness, I highly recommend the Waking Up app, and they offer a "scholarship" if you say you need it! 

 

In this situation, the application of mindfulness would look something like this: take a moment to recognize your thoughts and emotions, acknowledge that you're nervous, acknowledge that those feelings are not based in reality (as you said, even when you know someone is attracted to you, you still get nervous), and make the decision that you are simply not going to act on those feelings of nerves and self-consciousness. Your body can feel those feelings all it wants, you can't always control your feels, but you can control how you respond to them. Your nerves do NOT have to boss you around! It's easier said than done, but you can simply make the decision to let them do their thing while you do what you actually want to do (talk to the guy). 

 

I promise, once you do this a few times, it gets a lotttt easier!

thank you guys! this is really great advice 

[brenda-walsh]

2 hours ago, Smarticle said:

Wait so u didn't re-approach after throwing up?

 

well i found him but he was dancing on some girl 

bi king! 

[Nano]

5 hours ago, brenda-walsh said:

i used to be so addicted to weed and would spend everyday senior yr of college high so i quit  it makes me so anxious now, i smoked once before going out a couple months ago and it was the worst thing ever 

A bunch of people have told me weed gives them anxiety. Hope I'll never be able to relate. It can get me antsy sometimes, but it's fine if I have an outlet (e.g. guys). Maybe it'll work better if you don't smoke alone.

[FreeXone]

Idk I’m always approached or been in a relationship