Dating when HIV Undetectable

[Delirious]

1 hour ago, A.R.L said:

Why would u tell anyone if you use condoms and avoid unprotected oral sex? When you’re undetectable, you’re literally negative and safe, that’s it.

 

It's only best to tell others about it if you do bareback which is not safe for both of u.. Prep & pep give u significant protection but that doesn’t always work..

 

The virus is no longer that dangerous tho, and it’s only a matter of time until it becomes like the flu, stay safe. 

Because there's a really small chance that you can still spread it. Even if it's a 0.1% chance, there's still a chance.

 

"A large international study looked at couples (largely heterosexual) in which one partner was HIV positive and the other was HIV negative (we call these serodifferent couples). The study found that if the person with HIV took ART to suppress their viral loads, their risk of infecting their partners was enormously reduced, by 93% overall, over about 5 years. And, if the person with HIV was consistently on HIV medications, with an undetectable HIV viral load, there were no partner infections. It is important to note that the couples in this study were encouraged to use condoms"

Edited December 27, 2022 by Delirious

[Delirious]

2 hours ago, Roman Holiday said:

Thank you everyone  Im dealing with it a lot better than I thought I would. It hasn’t changed my life much, albeit it’s made it more complicated but thank god we have modern medicine!

 

Everyone saying I should sue… I’ve thought about it but it’s .. complicated. Let’s just say the time of the contraction was amidst a night of illegal activity. Idk how extensive lawsuit investigations get but I guess I could lie

Yes you should sue. It's not only for yourself but for others who will also be affected because of their psychopathy.

Edited December 27, 2022 by Delirious

[A.R.L]

24 minutes ago, Delirious said:

Because there's a really small chance that you can still spread it. Even if it's a 0.1% chance, there's still a chance.

 

"A large international study looked at couples (largely heterosexual) in which one partner was HIV positive and the other was HIV negative (we call these serodifferent couples). The study found that if the person with HIV took ART to suppress their viral loads, their risk of infecting their partners was enormously reduced, by 93% overall, over about 5 years. And, if the person with HIV was consistently on HIV medications, with an undetectable HIV viral load, there were no partner infections. It is important to note that the couples in this study were encouraged to use condoms"

This highlighted part is mostly what I was referring to, love. But yes when someone isn’t taking their medications properly and is already detectable or they could turn detectable at any moment because of that, then there will be little risk to their negative partner even when using a condom since let’s say unprotected oral sex isn’t always safe.

[cockatoo]

8 hours ago, Beyonceist said:

Honesty is key here, and you really shouldn't date guys who don't understand U=U anyways, they're bigots.

Oop!

 

OT: I'm sorry that happened to you but thank you for sharing! It's good to hear you're coming to terms with it.

 

Re: Suing, I honestly wouldn't. Idk what the laws are where you are but here you have to prove they intentionally tried to/did infect you, rather than they hid their status. It could just end up with a lot of money being spent and drawing the whole thing out for you even more. If you're serious about it then seek out some speculative advice at first to see what your options are so you can make an informed decision before going forward.

[Delirious]

5 minutes ago, cockatoo said:

Oop!

 

OT: I'm sorry that happened to you but thank you for sharing! It's good to hear you're coming to terms with it.

 

Re: Suing, I honestly wouldn't. Idk what the laws are where you are but here you have to prove they intentionally tried to/did infect you, rather than they hid their status. It could just end up with a lot of money being spent and drawing the whole thing out for you even more. If you're serious about it then seek out some speculative advice at first to see what your options are so you can make an informed decision before going forward.

But what about the other potential future victims? We have to protect them

[Vrx.]

Just be honest! It may weed out a some of the dating pool, but honestly that simply means they’re not mature and educated enough and not even worth your time in quite honesty. You are still the same awesome person you were before HIV, and it’ll make no difference as long as you keep on top of your meds

[Rican]

On 12/27/2022 at 12:47 AM, Oktober Knight said:

My husband is undetectable and his advice is to always be up front with people about your status. If they're scared of getting it that's their own fault for being ignorant. Just kindly explain that as long as you stay on top of your medication, then you can't pass on the virus. Bonus points if your hook up/partner is on Prep. 

 

Honesty is the best policy. 

Not wanting to date a poz undetectable doesn’t mean that the denier is ignorant. No one should be obligated to date anyone. 

[Oktober Knight]

3 hours ago, Rican said:

Not wanting to date a poz undetectable doesn’t mean that the denier is ignorant. No one should be obligated to date anyone. 

Nobody said that. If a hookup is scared then they're ignorant because it's nearly 100% impossible for them to get it, even with unprotected sex. 

[Rican]

1 hour ago, Oktober Knight said:

Nobody said that. If a hookup is scared then they're ignorant because it's nearly 100% impossible for them to get it, even with unprotected sex. 

Being cautious and not wanting to take a chance doesn’t mean ignorance. Poz undetectable gets their viral load check every 3 months or 4 months to see if they remain undetectable? Whose to say the pill stops working during that cycle and they wouldn’t know till their appointment. 

 

I however do agree with an other post that disclosure laws are outdated. 

[Rican]

Have you inquire about the new treatment that is in the form of an injection? I can’t remember the name but they have it now that instead of taking a daily pill you get 2 injections in each butt check every 2 months.
 

My friend is on that and he mentioned that he loves it because the pill for him was a daily reminder of his HIV status and not having to take a pill gives him a sense of normalcy. 

[A.R.L]

1 hour ago, Rican said:

Have you inquire about the new treatment that is in the form of an injection? I can’t remember the name but they have it now that instead of taking a daily pill you get 2 injections in each butt check every 2 months.
 

My friend is on that and he mentioned that he loves it because the pill for him was a daily reminder of his HIV status and not having to take a pill gives him a sense of normalcy. 

 

Another big step forward, well done 

[spree]

11 hours ago, Rican said:

Being cautious and not wanting to take a chance doesn’t mean ignorance. Poz undetectable gets their viral load check every 3 months or 4 months to see if they remain undetectable? Whose to say the pill stops working during that cycle and they wouldn’t know till their appointment. 

 

I however do agree with an other post that disclosure laws are outdated. 

for once I actually have to agree with you.  Being cautious and scared doesn't mean you're ignorant.  And it doesn't mean you're a bigot, undatable, a bad person, etc.  It just means you are scared and being cautious.

[HEAVYONIT]

Undetectable here as well. Be honest and upfront from the get-go. Anyone who reacts poorly is ignorant af and doesn’t deserve your time. Times have changed so much but there is still a LOT of stigma. 

[shinyshimmery]

I personally would like to know if the person is infected with the virus or not. That's something I always asked when I was dating around. Please disclose your status from the beginning of talking to someone... it might hurt to be discriminated against, but at least you wont waste your time with people who don't understand. Plus, if it blossoms into a relationship... it means the relationship was founded on honesty. Some gays can be a-holes, but others will be understanding and educated on the subject. 

 

Best of luck! and kudos to you for proactively taking action after finding out your status. 

Edited December 29, 2022 by shinyshimmery

[305]

My ex and I dated for 4 years, he's undetectable and we never used condoms and I never used prep. You'll be fine