Dating when HIV Undetectable

[Roman Holiday]

So I found out I got HIV from my last hook up about three months ago. Gonna reach undetectable status soon and begin putting myself back out in the dating world.

 

To anyone who is pos undectable, any advice? Do you find guys are scared off or don’t really care? Does it become an issue down the line? I don’t really know what to expect

 

 

Before I found out, it was the worst fear of my life but I was willing to date pos guys if I was on prep. 

[Oktober Knight]

My husband is undetectable and his advice is to always be up front with people about your status. If they're scared of getting it that's their own fault for being ignorant. Just kindly explain that as long as you stay on top of your medication, then you can't pass on the virus. Bonus points if your hook up/partner is on Prep. 

 

Honesty is the best policy. 

[PoisonedIvy]

As long as you’re honest upfront I think less guys care these days. The ones that understand what being undetectable means, at least. 

[Elusive Chanteuse]

First of all you are so brave for being so vulnerable. I think the gay community has come a long ways but there is still stigma. All you can do is be honest and explain u=u. 

[Richmond]

Thank you for being open and vulnerable. I’m in a ‘scare’ stage myself right now and am hoping for the best for the next few weeks/months, but posts like these are reminding me it’s becoming more normalized and accepted. All the best 

[Power love]

1 hour ago, Roman Holiday said:

So I found out I got HIV from my last hook up

Thank you for sharing your story! Did you ever reach out to this person? Are you feeling ok mentally & spiritually? i can only imagine this is a lot to take in! 

[Domination]

My ex lied about his status (actively) for quite a while during the first part of our relationship while we were having unprotected sex and I was not on PrEP. I’m negative as he’s undetectable but let me just say do not do that. I don’t think you need to tell people right out of the gate, but I think it’s a good litmus test for the types of people you’d want to be dating anyway. If you tell someone your status and they ghost you or distance themselves they are choosing to live in ignorance and not worth your time.

Edited December 27, 2022 by Domination

[1000 forms of queer]

1 hour ago, Oktober Knight said:

My husband is undetectable and his advice is to always be up front with people about your status. If they're scared of getting it that's their own fault for being ignorant. Just kindly explain that as long as you stay on top of your medication, then you can't pass on the virus. Bonus points if your hook up/partner is on Prep. 

 

Honesty is the best policy. 

why is being scared of catching a virus ‘your fault/being ignorant’? I think that’s a rational fear? 

 

I have nothing against pos guys but i feel like there’s a diff between respecting someone’s status vs being scared of catching it. 

[Bloodflowers.]

Sorry that happened to you. You're always very funny with your posts on ATRL so I hope you'll be okay and fight through this new challenge in your life!

[Beyonceist]

Honesty is key here, and you really shouldn't date guys who don't understand U=U anyways, they're bigots.

[Horizon Flame]

14 minutes ago, 1000 forms of queer said:

why is being scared of catching a virus ‘your fault/being ignorant’? I think that’s a rational fear? 

 

I have nothing against pos guys but i feel like there’s a diff between respecting someone’s status vs being scared of catching it. 

You of course are taking a risk if the person isn’t taking their meds properly. However, just get on PrEP. It saves lives. If you’re on PrEP, you have no need to worry about your partner having HIV. Hell, use condoms on top of that if you’re still worried. I think more people are educated now but like I said about the “Are they taking their medication properly,” that is a valid concern. There are steps you can take for yourself though, the HIV negative partner, that can put your mind at ease. Quite honestly, everyone should be on PrEP (as long as you have healthy kidneys). 

[teenager]

I think be upfront r.e. hookups and if it's more serious then mention it within the first few dates.

 

Anyone who treats you differently is a major red flag and they don't deserve you! I think there are people out there who are stigmatised and assume being pos means you "aren't clean" or "unsafe" when ANYONE can catch it, even when taking proper precautions. It only takes one time.

 

I truly hope this doesn't happen to you as with the distribution of PReP and accessibility to information now I feel we are better informed but if it does then they are sincerely not worth your time nor your education. That isn't your responsibility. Don't forget you are one of the most aware of your status and if they're uneducated that's on THEM. 

 

❤️

[mlaredoperez]

2 hours ago, Roman Holiday said:

So I found out I got HIV from my last hook up about three months ago. Gonna reach undetectable status soon and begin putting myself back out in the dating world.

 

To anyone who is pos undectable, any advice? Do you find guys are scared off or don’t really care? Does it become an issue down the line? I don’t really know what to expect

 

 

Before I found out, it was the worst fear of my life but I was willing to date pos guys if I was on prep. 

Wait did he tell you he was pos? cause if not, you can sue him.

[FreeXone]

Sue the bastard!! 
 

But so many people are undetectable and don’t tell so you’ll find dating easier than you think. 

[thatsmydemi]

glad to hear you're doing great  wish you all the love. 

 

as people have said already, always be upfront about it. 

[Cheers]

Sue his ass!

 

Best of luck with everything!

[Oziee]

7 hours ago, Roman Holiday said:

So I found out I got HIV from my last hook up about three months ago. Gonna reach undetectable status soon and begin putting myself back out in the dating world.

 

To anyone who is pos undectable, any advice? Do you find guys are scared off or don’t really care? Does it become an issue down the line? I don’t really know what to expect

 

 

Before I found out, it was the worst fear of my life but I was willing to date pos guys if I was on prep. 

You should be upfront. I’ve been HIV + for like 5 years and most recently I forgot to tell a guy that I date I have it. I said it later, thinking it won’t be a problem but he told me he s so afraid of STIs that he can’t go on with me. Nowadays I just say it when I talk about sex with people and then if they’re OK, I mean most of the time they are, if not, it’s up to them. You don’t have the responsibility to teach them, you can only care about yourself. Mental health is as important as your body health, don’t forget it.

[X~MoviePoP]

7 hours ago, Roman Holiday said:

So I found out I got HIV from my last hook up about three months ago. Gonna reach undetectable status soon and begin putting myself back out in the dating world.

 

To anyone who is pos undectable, any advice? Do you find guys are scared off or don’t really care? Does it become an issue down the line? I don’t really know what to expect

 

 

Before I found out, it was the worst fear of my life but I was willing to date pos guys if I was on prep. 

Question, were u on prep with that poz hookup or did they not know their status 

[Devon]

Undetectable here. Honestly some guys get it and are totally understanding. Some guys will never get it.

 

But I view it as a filter, the guys that get it are truly the ones that will provide the better sexual connection, the better emotional connection, the better friendship connection in the end. Though I think disclosure laws are completely outdated, the best advice is to be honest and upfront to weed out the people who will stigmatize you. I didn't learn this lesson till years in, and it has greatly improved my mental health.

[Devon]

7 hours ago, Oktober Knight said:

My husband is undetectable and his advice is to always be up front with people about your status. If they're scared of getting it that's their own fault for being ignorant. Just kindly explain that as long as you stay on top of your medication, then you can't pass on the virus. Bonus points if your hook up/partner is on Prep. 

 

Honesty is the best policy. 

It's even worse when the guys on PreP still have stigma and you notice the replies come to a halt 

[Roman Holiday]

Thank you everyone  Im dealing with it a lot better than I thought I would. It hasn’t changed my life much, albeit it’s made it more complicated but thank god we have modern medicine!

 

Everyone saying I should sue… I’ve thought about it but it’s .. complicated. Let’s just say the time of the contraction was amidst a night of illegal activity. Idk how extensive lawsuit investigations get but I guess I could lie

[A.R.L]

Why would u tell anyone if you use condoms and avoid unprotected oral sex? When you’re undetectable, you’re literally negative and safe, that’s it.

 

It's only best to tell others about it if you do bareback which is not safe for both of u.. Prep & pep give u significant protection but that doesn’t always work..

 

The virus is no longer that dangerous tho, and it’s only a matter of time until it becomes like the flu, stay safe. 

[Oktober Knight]

6 hours ago, 1000 forms of queer said:

why is being scared of catching a virus ‘your fault/being ignorant’? I think that’s a rational fear? 

 

I have nothing against pos guys but i feel like there’s a diff between respecting someone’s status vs being scared of catching it. 

No offense intended, I just know my husband has been bullied and shamed in the past because of his status. A lot of guys are uneducated on the topic and think that even though you're undetectable, you're still spreading the virus around. Some truly don't believe (like my ex) that there's a such thing as a "safe" positive person and many people decline having sex with them and/or shaming them for their status. 

[Navy4Life]

I’m on PrEP so I wouldn’t care nor would I like to put someone into an awkward situation (by expecting them to disclose their status to me) but if you think you will feel better then just disclose it in advance. 
 

 

[John Slayne]

I'm really glad that so many of you here are not ashamed and are educated about HIV  times are truly changing