discussion How do you deal with a great friend who is brutally honest at times?

[naval23]

I have a friend who is amazing - I can laugh with them for hours and have really deep conversations.

 

I90% of the friendship is good vibes and 10% is brutally honest comments that can be unintentionally rude that make me feel some type of way but I do brush it off because it happens so rarely.

 

No one is perfect and everyone's personality is different, but interested if other people have similar experiences (or are the friend who's brutally honest lol)

[applestar]

I've dealt with honest people who have given harsh comments to me before, so I feel like I can put my two cents here. I'm not sure what the brutally honest comments you've received are, but if it were me, I'd make sure that the comments are:

• helpful
• coming from a good place (it isn't just them secretly ranting about their own life and pushing it out on you to make you feel bad, person isn't jealous, resentful, etc.)

This doesn't mean the comments have to sound sweet or anything like that; just that whatever harsh-sounding criticism you get is from a place of love and respect. Otherwise, that person is less of a friend and more of a critic (which isn't bad all the time, but it sounds like you want an actual friend)

 

I'd also make sure that it's a two way street, like if they can give harsh criticism to me, I can do it right back to them and they won't get upset. (Also, I feel like this is a good test to see if the "brutal honesty" is coming from a good place)

[Venice B]

I mean, how old are you guys? When I was younger I used to be that friend who would give a truly brutally honest opinion even if people didn't ask, but as time went by I learned to not be that honest unless people ask for my opinion. And since my family and most of my close friends know that about me they come to me when they really want to hear a honest opinion, even if it's something they don't really want to hear. But yeah, going around giving your unwanted opinion and being rude it's not nice and if that's bothering you you should def talk to them, there's always room to grow and learn 

[Mitsouko]

Everyone needs a someone to make them laugh like that and someone to be honest with them. I think you're lucky you have that in the same person. You definitely need to tell them when your feelings are hurt though. As you said it may be unintentional but it should never be rude, they can work on their delivery.

[Into The Void]

I would tell them to f off

[Alldeezy]

sounds like my old friend, but found out she wasn't I mean she blocked me because I wouldn't drive her lazy ass around.   but used to be say it how it is and ended up being arguments! 

 

 

my latest ex (we are better as just mates) is a little honest but his not a c*nt about it but I rather know what they thinking then them going behind my back and talking s*it. 

[FightForTanas]

Disown them. I need my friends to lie to me and make me feel better. We need to be able to ignore our own problems and make fun of OTHER people.  

[Raphy23]

Sounds like the best type of friend.

[GentleEarthquake]

A friend who will lie to you and make you believe things that simply are not true it's much worse

[pierreleswiftie]

Just get a sense of their flaws and cracks. Once you get a full picture of him and see that they are not perfect, you realise that they are harmless.

[#Beautiful]

"brutally honest people" are emotionally immature and you should find a better friend, you deserve it. no amount of % good percentage can justify the trash behavior. respect yourself. its not worth stepping on your own self worth over a FRIENDSHIP 

[Guest]

2 hours ago, applestar said:

I've dealt with honest people who have given harsh comments to me before, so I feel like I can put my two cents here. I'm not sure what the brutally honest comments you've received are, but if it were me, I'd make sure that the comments are:

• helpful
• coming from a good place (it isn't just them secretly ranting about their own life and pushing it out on you to make you feel bad, person isn't jealous, resentful, etc.)

This doesn't mean the comments have to sound sweet or anything like that; just that whatever harsh-sounding criticism you get is from a place of love and respect. Otherwise, that person is less of a friend and more of a critic (which isn't bad all the time, but it sounds like you want an actual friend)

 

I'd also make sure that it's a two way street, like if they can give harsh criticism to me, I can do it right back to them and they won't get upset. (Also, I feel like this is a good test to see if the "brutal honesty" is coming from a good place)

Nailed it 

[Oxy]

I throw it right back at them, I always say “don’t start non, won’t be non”.

 

If I didn’t ask for your opinion, if you aren’t holding my mom hostage, if you aren’t the one giving me my salary etc then you ain’t sht. 
 

Just have fun and don’t *** my vibe.. 

[JonginBey]

2 hours ago, FightForTanas said:

Disown them. I need my friends to lie to me and make me feel better. We need to be able to ignore our own problems and make fun of OTHER people.  

[Pacify Him]

I'm a brutally honest person. I don't get the point of filtering my words for whatever reason. It's just words. It's not like I'm completely insulting them. Some people do deserved to be humbled down tho and I aim to be the person who would help them towards it. Like, I should even be thanked I'm helping them become the better  version of themselves. Why won't they ever listen?

[ConceptD]

I’d love a friend that is brutally honest. I used to be best friends with someone that was and it was great because I always knew what was actually happening, but life happened and we drifted apart and now I’m surrounded by ass lickers who say everything I do is great. 

[bad guy]

5 hours ago, applestar said:

I've dealt with honest people who have given harsh comments to me before, so I feel like I can put my two cents here. I'm not sure what the brutally honest comments you've received are, but if it were me, I'd make sure that the comments are:

• helpful
• coming from a good place (it isn't just them secretly ranting about their own life and pushing it out on you to make you feel bad, person isn't jealous, resentful, etc.)

This doesn't mean the comments have to sound sweet or anything like that; just that whatever harsh-sounding criticism you get is from a place of love and respect. Otherwise, that person is less of a friend and more of a critic (which isn't bad all the time, but it sounds like you want an actual friend)

 

I'd also make sure that it's a two way street, like if they can give harsh criticism to me, I can do it right back to them and they won't get upset. (Also, I feel like this is a good test to see if the "brutal honesty" is coming from a good place)

Yeah. If you can’t be brutally honest with your friends then they’re not real friends. If my friends aren’t honest with me then they don’t care about me.

[terrorblade]

I'd love to have a friend like that

[Harry]

i just steer clear of them

[Lipgloss]

Kill them

[cockatoo]

I find a lot of brutally honest people are just a bit stupid  Like it takes a very low level of emotional intelligence to just say whatever is on your mind without considering for a second how other people will react to it

[MadonnasBoyfriend]

I just stop responding if they have over stepped

[A.R.L]

There should always be a respectful way to criticize others without sounding like a jerk, unless they see you making a very stupid mistake and they won't care to be rude until they save you, it's rare to find such a kinda friend. Making you laugh a lot isn't what makes them a good friend, they actually should prove themselves in some difficult situations as possible as they can, to be on that level, otherwise, they should at least maintain a respectful friendship.

 

Most importantly, no matter what rude things they say and no matter how you deal with it, this should be in private.

Edited October 29, 2022 by A.R.L

[naval23]

20 hours ago, MadonnasBoyfriend said:

I just stop responding if they have over stepped

I did this but the only awkward thing was we were carpooling together