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Golden Hit: Halloween Special 🎃 Congrats to Augmented! 🩸


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Got a big slap of a cold (not sure if its covid yet) it's why I haven't been on!  :jonny6:

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29 minutes ago, Allday said:

Got a big slap of a cold (not sure if its covid yet) it's why I haven't been on!  :jonny6:

Oh no I hope you feel better soon :sad:

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Omg thank you so much @Euterpe :heart:

Also this has me cackling :bibliahh: Typical me trying to over explain and justify something and then completely confusing someone.

6 hours ago, Euterpe said:

I am going to ignore your comments section because it confused me.

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The songs of the Golden Hit Halloween Special:

 

@XO_Life - Forget-Me-Nots

@OreGuy - Campy Devil Fakers

@Julia Fox - Revamp

@StormFury - The Summoning

@Speezy - Not Schizophrenic But I Have Symptoms

@fountain - Killer Bees of the Zombie Strain; “Confetti” // Streetlight Trypophobia 

@Prisoner - Mr. Death

@Jackson - MINDCRAWLER

@Augmented - What Am I?

 

Let the reaping begin…

 

:sadviolin:

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Thank you @Euterpe I didn’t thought this song would be talk-y when I wrote it but now that you pointed out it’s make so much sense. It has kind of theatrical/musical vibe and I appreciate your observation since I didn’t even notice and gave the song a new life! Anyway glad you enjoyed it and kind of like it and understood what I was kind of wanting to convey 

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14 hours ago, Euterpe said:

yDY3Iv0.png

 

EUTERPE, HORSEMAN OF WAR'S, REVIEWS

 

 

  Hide contents

 

@XO_Life
I appreciate how I used my fear of dying for this Halloween song, because I had shivers at the thought. I also had shivers reading this song. I was clutching my pearls (but not in the Remmy way). This was very well done, well written, and thought this did as it intended to. It really got my emotions out of me!

 

 @OreGuy
First off, LOVE the song title name. Second, the bridge had me SCREAMING, like you went for that camp, and I was laughing hysterically. On the downside, the verse rhyme schemes didn’t really match up and the last line of the first verse didn’t hit me very well. Another brightside is that I really liked the chorus and post-chorus. Overall, I enjoyed reading this!

 

 @Julia Fox
I really like that you chose a more freeform approach. I can really picture this as a talk-y singing type song with a dark atmospheric music video with a lot of intensity. It’s not traditional, but there’s a descriptive story with the feelings you wanted to convey, so I think you did what you wanted to do. Nice job!

 

@StormFury
The first verse was iffy, but after that, it shows that you got into a stride throughout the song, and I liked the storytelling of this. I don’t think it’s as bad as you think, so please be reassured! It was enjoyable.

 

@Speezy
This was definitely an interesting read. Verse two was my favorite part! I’m not gonna lie, I wasn’t a fan of the chorus or post-chorus, but I think the song in general has potential, especially if more lines were added to give it more richness. Thank you for sharing your work!

 

@fountain
Okay, the TEMPLATE for these songs, whew! I like it! But also, you lost I fear, because I am averaging these two songs you wrote (I haven’t read them yet, so…). Now that I’m reading the first one, the cheese and knees are really getting me for some reason. There seemed to be some disjointed lines that didn’t work for me in the first two gold colored verses, but this was definitely a song that got its stride more after that first verse and got better every verse. I also commend the risk you took with your lines, because this is far from traditional and more steers as a narrative poem rather than a song. Your second song, which you said was more spoken word, was the stronger of the two in my opinion. There were some weaker lines, but also strong lines. The last third of it hit my emotions and was definitely the standpoint. I am glad you had enough inspiration to do two songs! Hope you had fun with them!

 

 @Prisoner
This was very well done, and I do think the song did what you probably wanted it to do. I would say that my least favorite verses that seem not as well written compared to the rest of the song is the last labeled verse and first section of the outro. The last two stanzas were very strong and were probably my favorites of the piece. I’m glad I got a chance to read your writing!

 

 @Jackson
I am going to talk about the lyrics separately before commenting on production. The lyrics are solid, and “I know that I could never hide, From the monster my own mind designed” was a highlight for me. I don’t really have much to comment on? It’s a very solid song, and I really like the lyrics! The lyrics are very much my vibe. Now, let's talk about the production. It’s a lyric competition, but you brought a budget, so you’ll get invisible coins. It’s a very well made production for the song and gives it a different edge than I was hearing in my head. I appreciated being able to hear it! Thank you!

 

 @Augmented
I am going to ignore your comments section because it confused me. But this song is EXACTLY what I wanted, and it was perfectly written. *throws hands up* I have nothing else to say. Thank you for writing this; I wanted this during Halloween.

 

Thank you! I hope you liked it:heart:

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54 minutes ago, fountain said:

 

The songs of the Golden Hit Halloween Special:

 

@XO_Life - Forget-Me-Nots

@OreGuy - Campy Devil Fakers

@Julia Fox - Revamp

@StormFury - The Summoning

@Speezy - Not Schizophrenic But I Have Symptoms

@fountain - Killer Bees of the Zombie Strain; “Confetti” // Streetlight Trypophobia 

@Prisoner - Mr. Death

@Jackson - MINDCRAWLER

@Augmented - What Am I?

 

Let the reaping begin…

 

:sadviolin:

top 10 hit confirmed :jonny:

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KyU5KA1YCWgHNgp8q9Ni0-mM4OiGHrJO-dQS_b4SgAMZFrCv3MtPG9c_sPD4N9OlcQagfNwgLmTOA1KxjWxvdWp0vHAWA95XCLd9YuTJ6K9OCn6ziWHnqzK6MHOJoHGdSHzILdPe7dQ5IRA80yYE3S6qmtnggYrxGDn9v87_VsBZZdDL4DEHrSGhAA

 

rp4XL_PiYbDzP-Kn4fHGCeyCxtV6MP1jOdNTIxeZq56FknKBTvaP63ECMYDmqsmUPyMaP11bzKAN_yftaSVsZJ2YWO6hVjtwb_cFMz2HoGvtec4-s0rqATLIj3IEN7z0hkLwgNWQ_UxoFBi5GK7Ze_X2RGLYXKFaFBOAFeEyP2MEwHEh4zLlVVJ7wLflSQ

 

Hug, Horseman of Conquest's, Reviews

 

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1_oFYQ0Dv_x6ULDflSwvHyjtIBz1o7XisA8wq7b_OjmQ/edit?usp=sharing

 

@XO_Life @OreGuy @Julia Fox@StormFury @Speezy @fountain @Prisoner @Jackson@Augmented 

 

Who conquered and who will become conquered? Only time may tell!

 

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47 minutes ago, Hug said:

KyU5KA1YCWgHNgp8q9Ni0-mM4OiGHrJO-dQS_b4SgAMZFrCv3MtPG9c_sPD4N9OlcQagfNwgLmTOA1KxjWxvdWp0vHAWA95XCLd9YuTJ6K9OCn6ziWHnqzK6MHOJoHGdSHzILdPe7dQ5IRA80yYE3S6qmtnggYrxGDn9v87_VsBZZdDL4DEHrSGhAA

 

rp4XL_PiYbDzP-Kn4fHGCeyCxtV6MP1jOdNTIxeZq56FknKBTvaP63ECMYDmqsmUPyMaP11bzKAN_yftaSVsZJ2YWO6hVjtwb_cFMz2HoGvtec4-s0rqATLIj3IEN7z0hkLwgNWQ_UxoFBi5GK7Ze_X2RGLYXKFaFBOAFeEyP2MEwHEh4zLlVVJ7wLflSQ

 

Hug, Horseman of Conquest's, Reviews

 

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1_oFYQ0Dv_x6ULDflSwvHyjtIBz1o7XisA8wq7b_OjmQ/edit?usp=sharing

 

@XO_Life @OreGuy @Julia Fox@StormFury @Speezy @fountain @Prisoner @Jackson@Augmented 

 

Who conquered and who will become conquered? Only time may tell!

 

Thank you Conquest :heart: I believe you are conquering my ailing heart 

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3 hours ago, Hug said:

KyU5KA1YCWgHNgp8q9Ni0-mM4OiGHrJO-dQS_b4SgAMZFrCv3MtPG9c_sPD4N9OlcQagfNwgLmTOA1KxjWxvdWp0vHAWA95XCLd9YuTJ6K9OCn6ziWHnqzK6MHOJoHGdSHzILdPe7dQ5IRA80yYE3S6qmtnggYrxGDn9v87_VsBZZdDL4DEHrSGhAA

 

rp4XL_PiYbDzP-Kn4fHGCeyCxtV6MP1jOdNTIxeZq56FknKBTvaP63ECMYDmqsmUPyMaP11bzKAN_yftaSVsZJ2YWO6hVjtwb_cFMz2HoGvtec4-s0rqATLIj3IEN7z0hkLwgNWQ_UxoFBi5GK7Ze_X2RGLYXKFaFBOAFeEyP2MEwHEh4zLlVVJ7wLflSQ

 

Hug, Horseman of Conquest's, Reviews

 

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1_oFYQ0Dv_x6ULDflSwvHyjtIBz1o7XisA8wq7b_OjmQ/edit?usp=sharing

 

@XO_Life @OreGuy @Julia Fox@StormFury @Speezy @fountain @Prisoner @Jackson@Augmented 

 

Who conquered and who will become conquered? Only time may tell!

 

Thank you, Conquest :heart: i enjoy this review format, it's like I'm sentenced if I'm going to hell or not :jonny:

Edited by OreGuy
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Fs7GjVz.png

 

Hi! Here you go! Don't drag my judging too hard or I'll kill you x

 



XO_Life – Forget-Me-Nots

I think this is a very sad topic to write about, and I think you mostly did it successfully. I think the verses are the strongest points of this entry, describing quite well the gloom setting of being six feet under (aka the best TV series ever x). I think using the forget-me-nots in this song was clever. I quite like the chorus too; I think it showcases that desperation not to be forgotten quite well. I think the pre-chorus feels a bit extra for me, as in it doesn’t add that much to the song for me, perhaps I would have somehow included the repeated “forget-me-nots” line in a rewritten prechorus. I am also not the biggest fan of the rhyme of “moved on” with “moved on” in the bridge. Also, pay attention to the small spelling mistakes (breath/breathe, to late/too late, etc.). Overall, I think this is a pretty nice entry, and well-fitting for this round, so nice job.

 

 

OreGuy – Campy Devil Fakers

For some reason, I actually could see this being an absolute bop. I think you managed to construct a deep song about the shallowness of life and how many situations force us not to be our true selves. While I like the bridge, and definitely love the last few lines of it, I think it is a bit “forced”, but not in a lyrical sense, but in the fact that I don’t see it 100% fitting it, as I feel the verses themselves have a more serious/deep tone. But as I said, I think it adds to the campiness of the song. I think overall it’s a well-done entry, and I love this whole display of the afterlife you did here. Nice job!

 

 

Julia Fox – Revamp

Yes sex bop! My only problem with this, and maybe this is a thing for sex bops usually, is that it can get a bit cliché (e.g. “I just need to taste something/something so good/something so hot”), and I also think the chorus (or post-chorus?) is a bit weak, with the revamp/vamp rhyme. But as it is meant to be quite a bop, I think this is not a huge negative. Of course, there are also plenty of positives, my favourite part being the Marry the Night-esque bridge (love love love “daughter of the night/the moon is my guide”), but also verse 2 is quite a highlight. Overall, a pretty good entry!

 

 

StormFury – The Summoning

I think this is mostly nice songwriting, we’re definitely dealing with some beautiful descriptive images, which is quite impressive. I think this song does become, however, a bit confusing for me towards the end, as the focus changes from the “she [who] arises from the cracks” to a spirit whose “power is unhindered” then to the writer himself. I don’t know if this was supposed to be a multitude of entities that were summoned or not (or perhaps the writer is the sum of all these entities somehow?). I don’t know but I also think this mystique aspect to this entry is quite nice. Well done!

 

Speezy – Not Schizophrenic But I Have Symptoms

While I think there are some good ideas here, I feel this song looks unfinished. I think there is some beautiful writing about mental health and the desire to find your path and be ready for all your problems to end. I think with a bit of expansion on this song, it could really be a gem. I would also probably re-work the chorus, and maybe make the post-chorus the actual chorus. Also, watch out for the small grammar mistakes such as “a/an illusion”, “my mind lose/s”.

 

fountain – When the Pawn Hits the Conflicts He Thinks Like a King What He Knows Throws the Blows When He Goes to the Fight and He'll Win the Whole Thing 'Fore He Enters the Ring There's No Body to Batter When Your Mind Is Your Might So When You Go Solo, You Hold Your Own Hand and Remember That Depth Is the Greatest of Heights and If You Know Where You Stand, Then You Know Where to Land and If You Fall It Won't Matter, Cuz You'll Know That You're Right

I really think these are two very strong entries, and I think they also show your versatility as a writer quite well, and I really like how different they are. I think my favourite moments in the first song were rather the sweet moments between the two lovers that were together part of this otherworldly experience, especially the ending. I love the little sprinkles of humour in the song as well, but also the creativity. I do, however, definitely think the second song is more up my alley, where I appreciate the antithesis between the worries pertaining to the fake world of GTA, and the worries of the real life. I once again love the sweet moments the most probably: “my leg on his”/”You’re here, and safe/And you’re utterly fine”, but also the whole discourse about passing of time, which you can see through how much your cat has aged. Love “Because when you start the song she’ll be there/But when the song is done, she’ll be gone”. The only small issue I have is the switch between pronouns “him/his” and “you”, as I think you are referring to the same person (unless you wanted to refer to the ‘him’ in the game, but I don’t think so based on the ‘my leg on his’ line), however this is almost a no-problem, as I love how complex both of these songs are. Stunning job.

 

 

Prisoner – Mr. Death

Yeah, this is an almost perfect entry for me. The apparent simplicity that does however captures so much sadness, starting from the first verse which I feel is about losing yourself for the sake of doing what others/society wants you to do, to the second verse hinting on abuse, and the last verse and outro finishing with the writer flirting with death, I absolutely love that you hint of it at the beginning of this third verse, then it gets a bit mysterious and then you finish the song with that last line! My only small complaint would be that I think the chorus is a bit weak, but I don’t think it takes away from the quality of this very much. Great job!

 

 

Jackson – MINDCRAWLER

Okay, so I didn’t read yet, but the only comment on your Soundcloud link sends me…anyways, let me read/listen!

First of all, that drop after the first chorus, slay us a bit with those production choices! If I had read only the lyrics though, I would feel this is a little bit incomplete, however, you clearly proved it is not the case. I think the verses are the biggest highlight here: “You build a castle from my fright and fear”, “But you hunt me just to feel the thrill”, but I love the whole thing pretty much. Nice job!

 

 

Augmented – What Am I?

The thing I love the most about this entry is the imagery you create with this summoning; it does indeed convey quite well the Halloween vibes. I like the story telling very well, I just think that the first time the chorus shows up it’s a bit out of place, as the demon was not really introduced yet. Besides, the pre-chorus I don’t see this to be very sexual, so it’s good that you hinted to that in your “other info” section, because I think it gives the song another vibe. Overall, I think it’s a pretty good entry. I think I mostly criticized choruses in the previous entries, however in your song, I think it’s my favourite part. Overall, a nice entry!

 

@XO_Life @OreGuy @Julia Fox @StormFury @Speezy @fountain @Prisoner @Jackson @Augmented

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29 minutes ago, Legend E said:

Fs7GjVz.png

 

 

29 minutes ago, Legend E said:

fountain – When the Pawn Hits the Conflicts He Thinks Like a King What He Knows Throws the Blows When He Goes to the Fight and He'll Win the Whole Thing 'Fore He Enters the Ring There's No Body to Batter When Your Mind Is Your Might So When You Go Solo, You Hold Your Own Hand and Remember That Depth Is the Greatest of Heights and If You Know Where You Stand, Then You Know Where to Land and If You Fall It Won't Matter, Cuz You'll Know That You're Right

:dies::dies::dies:

 

29 minutes ago, Legend E said:

I really think these are two very strong entries, and I think they also show your versatility as a writer quite well, and I really like how different they are. I think my favourite moments in the first song were rather the sweet moments between the two lovers that were together part of this otherworldly experience, especially the ending. I love the little sprinkles of humour in the song as well, but also the creativity. I do, however, definitely think the second song is more up my alley, where I appreciate the antithesis between the worries pertaining to the fake world of GTA, and the worries of the real life. I once again love the sweet moments the most probably: “my leg on his”/”You’re here, and safe/And you’re utterly fine”, but also the whole discourse about passing of time, which you can see through how much your cat has aged. Love “Because when you start the song she’ll be there/But when the song is done, she’ll be gone”. The only small issue I have is the switch between pronouns “him/his” and “you”, as I think you are referring to the same person (unless you wanted to refer to the ‘him’ in the game, but I don’t think so based on the ‘my leg on his’ line), however this is almost a no-problem, as I love how complex both of these songs are. Stunning job.

Thank you, sweet Death :heart::heart:

Just to explain with the pronouns in Streetlight Trypophobia, the narrator is basically talking to / commenting on themself, and their own life, so any mention of “you” is in regards to themself and “he” is in reference to the boyfriend, but also the “I” parts are coming from the narrators perspective too… if that makes sense :redface: it was all meant to be about me, lol. I definitely can see how switching between the two could cause a bit of a mix up, I think the idea when writing was for the shift between the first person and second person language to have the effect that the “you” parts are supposed to feel more distant and observing, while the “I” bits are meant to be more personal and confessional, but both coming from and about the same person, just different sides I think. It probably would make more sense if it was written all one way over both and I didn’t realise it could make it seem like it was about another person instead of all one so this is definitely valid feedback :clap3:

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9 minutes ago, fountain said:

 

:dies::dies::dies:

 

Thank you, sweet Death :heart::heart:

Just to explain with the pronouns in Streetlight Trypophobia, the narrator is basically talking to / commenting on themself, and their own life, so any mention of “you” is in regards to themself and “he” is in reference to the boyfriend, but also the “I” parts are coming from the narrators perspective too… if that makes sense :redface: it was all meant to be about me, lol. I definitely can see how switching between the two could cause a bit of a mix up, I think the idea when writing was for the shift between the first person and second person language to have the effect that the “you” parts are supposed to feel more distant and observing, while the “I” bits are meant to be more personal and confessional, but both coming from and about the same person, just different sides I think. It probably would make more sense if it was written all one way over both and I didn’t realise it could make it seem like it was about another person instead of all one so this is definitely valid feedback :clap3:

Rereading it, it makes sense for the narrator to be both "I" and "you"; maybe that's what confused me then, rather than the "you" and "him" more? dvfddgv; i don't know, but I think it's a nice touch of the distant vs confessional lines then :jonnycat:

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19 hours ago, Legend E said:

Fs7GjVz.png

 

Hi! Here you go! Don't drag my judging too hard or I'll kill you x

 

 

  Reveal hidden contents

 

 


XO_Life – Forget-Me-Nots

I think this is a very sad topic to write about, and I think you mostly did it successfully. I think the verses are the strongest points of this entry, describing quite well the gloom setting of being six feet under (aka the best TV series ever x). I think using the forget-me-nots in this song was clever. I quite like the chorus too; I think it showcases that desperation not to be forgotten quite well. I think the pre-chorus feels a bit extra for me, as in it doesn’t add that much to the song for me, perhaps I would have somehow included the repeated “forget-me-nots” line in a rewritten prechorus. I am also not the biggest fan of the rhyme of “moved on” with “moved on” in the bridge. Also, pay attention to the small spelling mistakes (breath/breathe, to late/too late, etc.). Overall, I think this is a pretty nice entry, and well-fitting for this round, so nice job.

 

 

OreGuy – Campy Devil Fakers

For some reason, I actually could see this being an absolute bop. I think you managed to construct a deep song about the shallowness of life and how many situations force us not to be our true selves. While I like the bridge, and definitely love the last few lines of it, I think it is a bit “forced”, but not in a lyrical sense, but in the fact that I don’t see it 100% fitting it, as I feel the verses themselves have a more serious/deep tone. But as I said, I think it adds to the campiness of the song. I think overall it’s a well-done entry, and I love this whole display of the afterlife you did here. Nice job!

 

 

Julia Fox – Revamp

Yes sex bop! My only problem with this, and maybe this is a thing for sex bops usually, is that it can get a bit cliché (e.g. “I just need to taste something/something so good/something so hot”), and I also think the chorus (or post-chorus?) is a bit weak, with the revamp/vamp rhyme. But as it is meant to be quite a bop, I think this is not a huge negative. Of course, there are also plenty of positives, my favourite part being the Marry the Night-esque bridge (love love love “daughter of the night/the moon is my guide”), but also verse 2 is quite a highlight. Overall, a pretty good entry!

 

 

StormFury – The Summoning

I think this is mostly nice songwriting, we’re definitely dealing with some beautiful descriptive images, which is quite impressive. I think this song does become, however, a bit confusing for me towards the end, as the focus changes from the “she [who] arises from the cracks” to a spirit whose “power is unhindered” then to the writer himself. I don’t know if this was supposed to be a multitude of entities that were summoned or not (or perhaps the writer is the sum of all these entities somehow?). I don’t know but I also think this mystique aspect to this entry is quite nice. Well done!

 

Speezy – Not Schizophrenic But I Have Symptoms

While I think there are some good ideas here, I feel this song looks unfinished. I think there is some beautiful writing about mental health and the desire to find your path and be ready for all your problems to end. I think with a bit of expansion on this song, it could really be a gem. I would also probably re-work the chorus, and maybe make the post-chorus the actual chorus. Also, watch out for the small grammar mistakes such as “a/an illusion”, “my mind lose/s”.

 

fountain – When the Pawn Hits the Conflicts He Thinks Like a King What He Knows Throws the Blows When He Goes to the Fight and He'll Win the Whole Thing 'Fore He Enters the Ring There's No Body to Batter When Your Mind Is Your Might So When You Go Solo, You Hold Your Own Hand and Remember That Depth Is the Greatest of Heights and If You Know Where You Stand, Then You Know Where to Land and If You Fall It Won't Matter, Cuz You'll Know That You're Right

I really think these are two very strong entries, and I think they also show your versatility as a writer quite well, and I really like how different they are. I think my favourite moments in the first song were rather the sweet moments between the two lovers that were together part of this otherworldly experience, especially the ending. I love the little sprinkles of humour in the song as well, but also the creativity. I do, however, definitely think the second song is more up my alley, where I appreciate the antithesis between the worries pertaining to the fake world of GTA, and the worries of the real life. I once again love the sweet moments the most probably: “my leg on his”/”You’re here, and safe/And you’re utterly fine”, but also the whole discourse about passing of time, which you can see through how much your cat has aged. Love “Because when you start the song she’ll be there/But when the song is done, she’ll be gone”. The only small issue I have is the switch between pronouns “him/his” and “you”, as I think you are referring to the same person (unless you wanted to refer to the ‘him’ in the game, but I don’t think so based on the ‘my leg on his’ line), however this is almost a no-problem, as I love how complex both of these songs are. Stunning job.

 

 

Prisoner – Mr. Death

Yeah, this is an almost perfect entry for me. The apparent simplicity that does however captures so much sadness, starting from the first verse which I feel is about losing yourself for the sake of doing what others/society wants you to do, to the second verse hinting on abuse, and the last verse and outro finishing with the writer flirting with death, I absolutely love that you hint of it at the beginning of this third verse, then it gets a bit mysterious and then you finish the song with that last line! My only small complaint would be that I think the chorus is a bit weak, but I don’t think it takes away from the quality of this very much. Great job!

 

 

Jackson – MINDCRAWLER

Okay, so I didn’t read yet, but the only comment on your Soundcloud link sends me…anyways, let me read/listen!

First of all, that drop after the first chorus, slay us a bit with those production choices! If I had read only the lyrics though, I would feel this is a little bit incomplete, however, you clearly proved it is not the case. I think the verses are the biggest highlight here: “You build a castle from my fright and fear”, “But you hunt me just to feel the thrill”, but I love the whole thing pretty much. Nice job!

 

 

Augmented – What Am I?

The thing I love the most about this entry is the imagery you create with this summoning; it does indeed convey quite well the Halloween vibes. I like the story telling very well, I just think that the first time the chorus shows up it’s a bit out of place, as the demon was not really introduced yet. Besides, the pre-chorus I don’t see this to be very sexual, so it’s good that you hinted to that in your “other info” section, because I think it gives the song another vibe. Overall, I think it’s a pretty good entry. I think I mostly criticized choruses in the previous entries, however in your song, I think it’s my favourite part. Overall, a nice entry!
 

 

 

 

@XO_Life @OreGuy @Julia Fox @StormFury @Speezy @fountain @Prisoner @Jackson @Augmented

:heart:

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Element's Reviews (Famine)

Surprised? Me too! Enjoy this miserable feast of words.

 

 


@XO_Life - Forget-Me-Nots
What a haunting piece of poetry! You strongly captured the gloomy essence of desperation and hopelessness faced by the narrator. The verses were quite effective at setting the scene. In both verses, you did a great job of creating a rhythmic framing with the first line (“pitch black, a moonless sky/eternal black, a starless sky”) and the final line (“forget-me-nots long…”). I found that the middle section of each verse didn’t really convey a consistent structure. The pre-chorus and chorus were a bit less descriptive, but I felt like the rhythm was easier to follow in those sections. In the future, you have a great opportunity to work on merging vivid imagery with a defined rhythm and strong structure.


@OreGuy - Campy Devil Fakers
You did a good job of displaying the intended tempo, especially in the chorus/post-chorus. The verses were interesting and thought-provoking as well. A few of the verse lines felt a bit clunky — “fallacy of an intimacy” was a bit forced, and so was “sugar-coated dream is the truest goal for anyone”. The bridge is avant-garde and so fun to envision. I truly haven’t read anything like that before but I very much appreciated the campy chaos of it. Very fun and creative way of depicting the afterlife all around!


@Julia Fox - Revamp
You did a lovely job at building up the characterization of the sexy vampire and their experiences/desires/etc. The first verse had a strong rhythm to it, but the second verse was a bit murky in comparison. The chorus of this has a really awesome potential to be a pop-rock bop tbh. The post-chorus felt like a moment to shine, but could have been expanded a bit more. The bridge was also pretty cool — succinct and a fun buildup to the climax. Nice job! So hot x


@StormFury - The Summoning
Wow, this was so intense and well-written. You have such a powerful way of taking a snapshot of a single scene and extrapolating it into a dramatic and beautiful depiction. The ominous atmosphere was prevalent and vivid. There was a clear rhythm and syncopation throughout each verse (except maybe the final one). I thought the length was perfect; I was fully engrossed without feeling like the song went on too long. One thing that I also noted was how well you refreshed and captured our attention at the start of every verse. Those leading lyrics were instant and action-packed to draw us in. Great job!

 
@Speezy - Not Schizophrenic But I Have Symptoms
Definitely agree with some of the other judges that this was an interesting concept, but needed some more time to be fleshed out. The chorus especially felt a bit too sparse and had a few unexpected lyrical choices —

(1) “my mental broke along the way” could have evolved into “mentally broken on the way” or “mental breakdown on the way”.
(2) “if my mind lose the fight” could work better as “if my mind loses the fight” or “when my mind loses the fight”

You did a nice job of capturing the concerns and confusion of the narrator. Demons running around their heels and blood running down their cheeks? Powerful. I think the verses were the strongest examples of your idea taking life.


@fountain - Killer Bees of the Zombie Strain; “Confetti” // Streetlight Trypophobia
Such a special treat getting to read your work — and twice over! Both of these entries have such a unique voice and tone.

Killer Bees of the Zombie Strain is incredibly creative and is honestly giving plotline for a short film. The ending is Machiavellian camp… we love twists and turns! I love the balance of fantasy with comedy, and light with darkness. You did a wonderful job with the imagery and of course the rhyme scheme. I was hooked throughout and quite impressed with the amount of different monsters and costumes that you integrated seamlessly into the scenes. This might be my fave of the two (very slightly tho because both slay).

I was impressed with the ambitious nature of Streetlight Trypophobia and how effectively you tied it all together. You successfully integrated doubt, anxiety, and fear about the present/future into the frightening atmosphere of Halloween. It really gets you thinking about Halloween from this reflective and almost Socratic standpoint. Nature is dying all around us and we are indeed part of that cycle. It’s totally understandable to feel that way. As a trypophobia sufferer myself, the connection there was really powerful + you hit the nail on the head about the disturbing (and borderline irrational) aspect of it. Thank you for entrusting such a personal entry with us!


@Prisoner - Mr. Death
The verses of this song were very engaging and had an excellent rhythm and rhyme scheme. Some of my favorite lines were the starting lines in each verse —  “I stood on a balcony waiting for death” // “Danced my way into a maze of misery” // “So I flirted with Death in a hotel lobby” — all of these captured my attention and kept me intrigued. You wove in the emotions very well and supplemented it with vivid natural imagery… you could hear feel the cold western winds, for example. I felt every note of pain, sorrow, and regret. I liked the chorus conceptually, but almost wonder if it could have worked better as a pre-chorus leading into something even more explosive? It’s very quick. Hmm I’m torn… the verses were so stunning on their own that maybe it was better to focus on simplicity in the chorus.


@Jackson - MINDCRAWLER
First of all, thank you for sharing this fully produced bop! I thoroughly enjoyed the melody and production. You captured the spooky Halloween vibe perfectly. This is a very catchy and effective electropop song.

Let’s talk lyrics… Another “maze of misery”? I’m gagged. I love that lyric from both you and Prisoner. The first verse has some of my favorite lyrics in the song, which excellently create the ominous feeling and imagery needed to set the scene — my top 2 are “your peril lives in the periphery” and “your crimson grimace beckons me”. I have to admit that the lines in the second verse felt a tad generic, especially since I’ve seen your creative lyricism before and it usually feels a bit more quirky.

I also loved the pre-choruses! They might have been short, but they were super effective in transitioning to the chorus. The chorus was also quite strong in capturing the dreadful nature of mental health disorders that can plague us. Great work!



@Augmented - What Am I?
Your gay Thriller era whew. I really enjoyed this. Conceptually, it captures the dark side of Halloween perfectly. The essence of the occult mixed with lust and power is a great way to represent the challenge. The chorus is an interesting read — I like how the narrative voice shifts from third person in the verses to second person in the hook. It makes the realization of the ritual even more potent. Like this is not just a story that we are witnessing from a distance with no stakes… we have a connection to the summoner… and there’s real blame and ownership here on his part. We are meant to feel some mix of judgement and/or pity for him. The bridge and outro really tied everything together quite nicely for me. I loved the mix of dialogue with the vivid description of what happened next. Awesome job!
 

 

 

 

 

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3 minutes ago, Element said:

@fountain - Killer Bees of the Zombie Strain; “Confetti” // Streetlight Trypophobia
Such a special treat getting to read your work — and twice over! Both of these entries have such a unique voice and tone.

Killer Bees of the Zombie Strain is incredibly creative and is honestly giving plotline for a short film. The ending is Machiavellian camp… we love twists and turns! I love the balance of fantasy with comedy, and light with darkness. You did a wonderful job with the imagery and of course the rhyme scheme. I was hooked throughout and quite impressed with the amount of different monsters and costumes that you integrated seamlessly into the scenes. This might be my fave of the two (very slightly tho because both slay).

I was impressed with the ambitious nature of Streetlight Trypophobia and how effectively you tied it all together. You successfully integrated doubt, anxiety, and fear about the present/future into the frightening atmosphere of Halloween. It really gets you thinking about Halloween from this reflective and almost Socratic standpoint. Nature is dying all around us and we are indeed part of that cycle. It’s totally understandable to feel that way. As a trypophobia sufferer myself, the connection there was really powerful + you hit the nail on the head about the disturbing (and borderline irrational) aspect of it. Thank you for entrusting such a personal entry with us!

Thank you so much :heart: the famine is over, and you definitely delivered; your reviews look fantastic :clap3:

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