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It’s Hard Making Friends In The Gay Community, Why?


Sergi91
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8 minutes ago, Sergi91 said:

Why?


 

It is hard tbh

 

but once you find them it’s great 

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I have a few theories about this but someone keeps reporting me when I speak my mind on here so ill just say that it is hard and good luck to everyone. :cm: 

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Let me make it simple:

 

1) both of you're hot: you f*ck each other immediately and cannot build a long lasting friendship bc no emotional connection 
2) both of you're ugly: you won't even try to speak with each other

3) you're hot and the friend is ugly: he will drool over you, and will annoy the f*ck out of you while you keep f*cking hot guys

4) the friend is hot and you're ugly: let's be honest you don't have a chance

 

 

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1 minute ago, zoli90210 said:

Let me make it simple:

 

1) both of you're hot: you f*ck each other immediately and cannot build a long lasting friendship bc no emotional connection 
2) both of you're ugly: you won't even try to speak with each other

3) you're hot and the friend is ugly: he will drool over you, and will annoy the f*ck out of you while you keep f*cking hot guys

4) the friend is hot and you're ugly: let's be honest you don't have a chance

 

 

:cm: 

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It's really not that hard? My best friend and another close friend of mine are gay and male, like me. We actually met on Adam4Adam and Tinder, and despite the friendship never evolving into a relationship (the Adam4Adam-guy and I only wanted to be friends from the very start; Tinder-guy I let down easily and he was still okay being really good friends, so I lucked out), both guys are amazing, they're mutual friends with each other, and we never feel like we're trying to hump each other or coerce each other into sex. Healthy and platonic adult relationships can exist, no matter if your friends are gay, straight, pan, etc. 

 

If you go into every gay male friendship thinking it's going to turn into a relationship, or you can't conceptualize just being friends with someone despite both of you liking the same sex, of course you will never find friends in the gay community. 

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Because in gay circles like that everyone sleeps with everyone, or has done so at least once. Just from my own experience though.

 

So unless you're into that, you're gonna have a harder time making real connections.

 

I have 0 gay friends, or at least that I know of, and I'm totally fine with that lol.

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I’m thankful I found a really good friend in grindr :gaycat6: 

we even went to a festival to specifically see CRJ

 

but yeah, it’s really hard, so cultivate the ones you get 

Edited by Zeferino
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Anyone will tell you it’s hard as an adult to make new friends. I don’t think this is solely a gay problem. 

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It takes time and idk avoiding sex. There are some really nice guys who I’m sort of sexually attracted to in my local community but I don’t want to hookup and actually be friends. I’ll see how it goes. (Meanwhile the guy who I want to hookup with and highkey date is taking his sweet ass time getting the hint)

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1 minute ago, Danny789 said:

Anyone will tell you it’s hard as an adult to make new friends. I don’t think this is solely a gay problem. 

This too. 

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Cause in high school, you are the only gay out of the closet, thinking you will make friends at uni. But then in uni, all other gays already have friend groups and don´t want to include you :cm:

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17 minutes ago, Danny789 said:

Anyone will tell you it’s hard as an adult to make new friends. I don’t think this is solely a gay problem. 

This, too. 

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1 hour ago, zoli90210 said:

Let me make it simple:

 

1) both of you're hot: you f*ck each other immediately and cannot build a long lasting friendship bc no emotional connection 
2) both of you're ugly: you won't even try to speak with each other

3) you're hot and the friend is ugly: he will drool over you, and will annoy the f*ck out of you while you keep f*cking hot guys

4) the friend is hot and you're ugly: let's be honest you don't have a chance

 

 

But arent there any "hot" gay men who just want friends? :deadbanana2: Thats like saying good looking gay men ONLY think about sex :skull: 

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It depends on your location and the type of people you meet. If they are married to women, with gfs it would make sense that you have nothing in common but if you are basing friends on sexual roles or attractiveness then you are the problem. 

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2 hours ago, zasderfght said:

It's really not that hard? My best friend and another close friend of mine are gay and male, like me. We actually met on Adam4Adam and Tinder, and despite the friendship never evolving into a relationship (the Adam4Adam-guy and I only wanted to be friends from the very start; Tinder-guy I let down easily and he was still okay being really good friends, so I lucked out), both guys are amazing, they're mutual friends with each other, and we never feel like we're trying to hump each other or coerce each other into sex. Healthy and platonic adult relationships can exist, no matter if your friends are gay, straight, pan, etc. 

 

If you go into every gay male friendship thinking it's going to turn into a relationship, or you can't conceptualize just being friends with someone despite both of you liking the same sex, of course you will never find friends in the gay community. 

This also :clap3:

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2 hours ago, zoli90210 said:

Let me make it simple:

 

1) both of you're hot: you f*ck each other immediately and cannot build a long lasting friendship bc no emotional connection 
2) both of you're ugly: you won't even try to speak with each other

3) you're hot and the friend is ugly: he will drool over you, and will annoy the f*ck out of you while you keep f*cking hot guys

4) the friend is hot and you're ugly: let's be honest you don't have a chance

 

 

dont project your superficiality on everyone.

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3 hours ago, zoli90210 said:

Let me make it simple:

 

1) both of you're hot: you f*ck each other immediately and cannot build a long lasting friendship bc no emotional connection 
2) both of you're ugly: you won't even try to speak with each other

3) you're hot and the friend is ugly: he will drool over you, and will annoy the f*ck out of you while you keep f*cking hot guys

4) the friend is hot and you're ugly: let's be honest you don't have a chance

 

 

while this is definitely true, once you get into real life and meet people normally (at like a club or bar) it doesn’t happen to the same extent. in a group social setting, things aren’t so intense and people do just chat and socialise. not everyone wants to just f*ck and nothing else when there are actual real life interactions involved. 

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I just really wish I had more gay friends who had the same interest in pop artists and movies like me, but aren't necessarily all about partying, sex and drugs. I'm more of a homeoriented person and like spending my days under a blanket in my free time if I'm not at work. Or going to a coffeehouse, library etc. More domestic instead of constant nightlife

Edited by Love Again
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I can't maintain a friendship with another gay guy  because I get attached too easily which would inevitably result in me pursuing a relationship with them, even though I might not be necessarily attracted to them sexually. 

 

I'm currently struggling in that regard. I've been friends with his gay guy for a month now and we've became really close to the point where we're having sleepovers every week and to the point where he feels comfortable enough to traum dump on me (which honestly is not the tea but I cannot say anything). We've made out a few times and there is a genuine connection between us (his words) but he's just not interested in a relationship with me particularly, which is quite painful. For fucks sake, he even tells me he loves me every other day?? :toofunny3: At this point I'm kinda tired with this cause it's eating me from the inside. I'll see how our friendship progresses for a month from now and otherwise I'd call it quits. And I do realise that the problem is in me. It's just confusing.

 

 

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