discussion Question for gays who are single in their mid to late 20s and early 30s

[IBeMe]

So I am officially getting closer to mid twenties and I'm starting to panic cuz I'm not in a relationship and only dated like two guys in total (one long term and one short term..not counting hook ups lol).  That said, I have a few gay friends who are in their late twenties and some of them are single and they keep telling me to get into a relationship now otherwise I wont be getting as many opportunities to be in one when I am in my late twenties or early thirties. Though I know they are mostly joking I'm starting to low key panic so I'm chronically on tindr and sometimes grindr trying to snatch me a hot / cute man while I still look cute enough. Hoping to get something long term and not just hook ups. 

 

Can some of you older gays comfort these anxieties by telling me if you are still dating around, or managed to start your long term relationship in your later years or are you finding it actually difficult in the gay scene to do so? Is the 30 year old gay death sentence thingy actually real?

 

Edited September 15, 2022 by IBeMe

[spree]

mid-20's?? lol.  Imo, you should be ****** up on drugs and going to EDC and being young while you still are.  You don't want a relationship right now.  Go party instead.  Being serious.

[karron0624]

Sis, most gays dont even want to settle till 35. You are fine. I met my husband at 24 and getting married at 29. Do not stress and rush into a relationship. Wait for someone you think is perfect for you like @Save The Day is for me.

[Happylittlepunk]

You are in your 20s go get yourself a man every night or a get a couple of friends with benefits and enjoy the sex. Don’t worry about relationships now. Once your 30 or 40 then you can focus on dating. Im sorry but you only have one life. Unless your conservative and only want serious relationships why bother with dating? 

Edited September 15, 2022 by Happylittlepunk

[Miss Show Business]

I'm around your age, and dating where I live, quite frankly sucks. I totally understand the way you feel and I've had the same fears. I'm in a long distance relationship right now, and though we've only met once, he really feels like the one. I can't tell you how many times I've been close to just giving up.

 

My advice would be this: it's totally and completely normal that you've only had a couple of relationships. I know it sucks, but don't think you're the only one. Dating in the gay world is very hard, especially when you're just unlucky enough to not live around a lot of gay men. Grindr? If you have it, delete it. Same for Scruff, Hornet, etc. These are all guys who just want to f***. I've encountered literally the worst types of men from these apps. Stick to actual dating apps like Tinder, Hinge, and one I would recommend, OkCupid. That's where I met my current bf and discovered we actually had alot in common because of the little "quiz" questions they use.

 

Lastly, don't give up. Don't get desperate, try to be as patient as possible. Find healthy ways to spend your time and avoid doing impulsive things like hookups. Not that they're bad, but in my experience, it eventually gets degrading and doesn't help you overall when it comes to actual dating.

 

Also, try expanding your horizons. If you have the means to travel a few hours, try dating someone (someone you really like of course) from that distance. Like I have, you may discover someone that's very much worth the hassle of traveling for.

[Hallad173]

I barely even made it past the first sentence. So first thing, Relax. Also, your friends are dumb. I remember thinking similar thoughts at your age but here I am 30 and newly single but I’m not freaking out because with more age and experience, you’re gonna learn that you’re worth isn’t tied to who you’re in a relationship with and staying with someone just to avoid loneliness is a true recipe for unhappiness. 
 

Work on improving or maintaining  yourself physically, mentally and professionally and finding joy in this life and you’ll have a great life. The guys are always gonna be around. Make sure you drink water, moisturize and wear sunscreen and age won’t be the enemy you think it is lol.?

[Into The Void]

20 minutes ago, IBeMe said:

So I am officially getting closer to mid twenties and I'm starting to panic cuz I'm not in a relationship and only dated like two guys in total (one long term and one short term..not counting hook ups lol).  That said, I have a few gay friends who are in their late twenties and some of them are single and they keep telling me to get into a relationship now otherwise I wont be getting as many opportunities to be in one when I am in my late twenties or early thirties. Though I know they are mostly joking I'm starting to low key panic so I'm chronically on tindr and sometimes grindr trying to snatch me a hot / cute man while I still look cute enough. Hoping to get something long term and not just hook ups. 

 

Can some of you older gays comfort these anxieties by telling me if you are still dating around, or managed to start your long term relationship in your later years or are you finding it actually difficult in the gay scene to do so? Is the 30 year old gay death sentence thingy actually real?

 

I'm in my later 30s and single  and been single for a LONG time

[Raver]

Enjoy your 20's 

Some gays get lucky and find their boyfriend/husband right away and others just have to wait 

Don't tie yourself down with someone out of desperation or loneliness especially when you're young (20's is still young)... unless you want to lol 

Continue working on yourself and become a better version of yourself. The right guy will come eventually 

[Slap]

Relationships are about finding the right person and actually wanting a relationship, including what that could entail - compromise, sharing, trusting and growing together. 
 

This is how I like to look at it. 

 

#1 - being in a loving stable happy relationship with somebody

#2 - being single

#3 - being in a relationship for the sake of it with somebody who doesn’t make you happy. 
 

When you look at it - being single is not the worst thing at all and it’s actually one of the greatest experiences you can have to find yourself and define who you are and want to be! Nothing is worse than being in a bad relationship, good relationships are rarer but don’t wait for one to “complete” you. Don’t let people make you feel like you’re not enough because you’re single.

 

I will say - there are a lot of older gays who are single and will be forever because they refuse to work on their issues, don’t want to compromise and expect to always be the main character in their lives. Getting into a relationship at your age isn’t going to prevent that - instead working on being your authentic self is the way to go. Read The Velvet Rage if you want to learn more about that!

[jqnetto]

 

it is okay to be alone.

 

[Just a Gay on ATRL]

Your friends are being annoying. There should be zero pressure with gay dating and meeting some MADE UP deadline.  There’s zero pressure to have children because we can’t procreate anyway lol. Life is too short to worry about **** like that.  Maybe your friends need to find more fulfillment in their single lives. There are a ton of perks to being single on the flip side tbh.

[TheShowoff]

Whew what is with people being so codependent on another person? Trust me the older you get the more you'll see how peaceful being single can be lmao

[iammadmat]

Don’t listen to anyone who tells you what you should and shouldn’t do in your 20s, do what you feel like doing, if you want to hook up with multiple people, then go ahead, if you want a relationship, try to meet new people but don’t pressure yourself too much, whenever you meet the right one you’ll now, relax a little bit and enjoy your life 

[Oxy]

My friends are older than me (late 30’s) and they still get guys who fall in love with them, but not going to lie their looks is a huge factor and how wealthy they are. So sometime I’m skeptical but regardless they are still kicking it. 
 

I myself stopped dating since 2019 cause I made decision to focus on myself and have fun only, there are people in my life who I care for but would never consider them partners. 

[hardbrit]

It's all downhill from there sadly. The gay community is ROUGH

[lovecatt]

If you live in a big city, it's not really an issue

[Carla Rosón]

Turned 25 last week and have never even went on a date, let alone been on a relationship.

 

I had a FWB from 2017 to 2019 but he ended up ditching me when he started getting serious with another guy.

Edited September 15, 2022 by XtunaStan

[Sweet Sexy Savage]

1 hour ago, spree said:

mid-20's?? lol.  Imo, you should be ****** up on drugs and going to EDC and being young while you still are.  You don't want a relationship right now.  Go party instead.  Being serious.

Not EVERY 20 y/o gay will do this or be into these type of things

[What_A_Mess]

You just have to accept and make peace with the fact that you might stay single for the rest of your life. That’s how a lot of gay guys end up being. 

[Sweet Sexy Savage]

7 minutes ago, hardbrit said:

It's all downhill from there sadly. The gay community is ROUGH

-

 

DON’T let the community influence the way you perceive dating! You will find the one don’t worry  and if you don’t, there’s so many happy single people living their best lives without a signficant other. You are worth it without anyone else

Edited September 15, 2022 by Sweet Sexy Savage

[Kassi]

Workout, get hot, and you’ll be good through at least 44. Generally speaking, men don’t peak in the straight world until like 35. So no reason why they should peak in the gay world at 25.

 

Issue is, because sex is so easy to get within the gay culture. Many young gays fall back on their youth and neglect any other aspect of self-development then panic at 30, when it’s no longer viable to trade on being young fresh meat. 
 

I’m 28 now and my relationship prospects have never been better. But I’m also 6’3”, muscular, have a good job, and take decent care myself.

[Erotic]

I've heard 30's-40's are the best 

 

just wear sunscreen, get doctor screenings often, and keep a healthy lifestyle 

[Bhabylon]

Wait are you cute? Come to LA 

 

Kidding, but honestly I wouldn’t worry about it. I’ve seen friends get into relationships just for the sake of being in relationships, and it backfires. Being independent, having your **** together, and having confidence is attractive. It makes you radiate from the inside out. Focus on that and the boys will flock to you 

[JBJT2786]

i was single until i was 28 but i didnt have much prospects. Then when i was single again at 31 i was a hot commodity. So in other words, dont worry about it too much and live your life. You'll still an opportunity to find a loving relationship as you get older. hell, if it's like my case, it gets even better as you get older.

[@michael]

Don’t let a relationship define your life