discussion Men Have Fewer Friends Than Ever, & It’s Harming Their Health

[Kamil24]

Guess I'm lucky then, I have more than 10 close friends and sometimes it's exhausting to keep up when I'm an introvert and just want to stay home

[Redstreak]

On 8/27/2022 at 1:27 PM, scenekiller said:

How do you say this nonsense directly after this:

 

You realize our societal idea of "masculinity" that "Leftists are vilifying" is exactly what perpetuates what your second post is talking about?

To be fair the left is very good at calling out toxic masculinity without necessarily offering up a positive role model replacement. Like the last viral post I saw praising a guy was because he let his girlfriend put him in several dresses and unfortunately even for a lot of good men that can be kind of alienating when it seems like lately women just kind of want another girl to date 

[Gov Hooka]

late stage capitalism is destroying us...

 

It's so easy for people to shift the blame onto individuals and suggest therapy/"working" on yourself etc. like I'm seeing in this thread when the issue is quite obviously far reaching and systemic in nature. Stop solely blaming individuals and realize that people are products of their environments. It's getting obnoxious hearing people say "go to therapy" when the entire profession is ill-equipped to handle mental health issues caused by societal factors. 

[fauxtography]

I mean - I'm no scientist or research analyst but there's a clear difference between the years measured (1990 - 2021) and its kind of obvious no? We've seen the internet, smart phones, video games, and streaming come to the forefront of media consumption during that time - and it's more fun/comfortable being at home than ever before. I would imagine this alone really slants that statistic, and thats not even getting into the mental development that happens living in the age of being connected to everything, and everyone at once.

 

I mean, how else do you think an incel is born? They have easy access to the opinions and communities that form their way of thinking.

 

Personally, I've also struggled finding new friends post-covid more specifically. But I also have a roomate, a partner, and a job that requires me to talk to coworkers everyday so it hasn't concerned me too much. I do wish I had some close friends though (all my besties have moved/gotten married and started their life)

[Beyonnaise]

I don’t think the answer to why is very complicated or sociopolitical. It’s pretty simple: the internet created niche subcultures and men are more likely to have niche interests like video games that lend themselves to hours spent online. Before, people who wanted to bond about niche things like games, comics, trading cards, etc. had to physically go to their local store and meet others to converse about them and play. Now that’s not needed, similar to the fall of religion.

 

It leads to isolation and radicalization because these nerdy men, without a sense of belonging to a real life community, are susceptible to intense rhetoric on the internet like that of Andrew Tate, incels, etc. Are there a few people on the far-left who are genuinely anti-male and treat everything masculine as oppressive? Sure, and I do think some people are dismissive of things like male depression, etc. But it’s a very small number in the grand scheme of things not the main issue behind this at all. Men who have real life friend groups and well adjusted socialization are less susceptible to toxic ideologies because they don’t have a burning desire for belonging. I don’t really know if there’s a great answer for how to stop it, that’s essentially telling people to stop being so obsessed with the internet. It’s 2022, that cork has long since popped off the bottle and it’s not going back on. He’s kinda himbo but I think people like Hasan Piker help, showing that you can be ripped and have a successful masculine life while not giving into poisonous ideas.

 

It’s sad and tricky, and I do hope more can be done for all people who are suffering from loneliness.

Edited August 30, 2022 by Beyonnaise

[Leptine]

On 8/28/2022 at 5:24 PM, katara said:

I find it so fascinating in a bad way that the blame is always put on the individual and not on the societal environment we live in. Typical individualist western thinking. "If something is wrong then it must be you and not the collective. Go to therapy or something"

 

I mean have yall looked around in what kind of society we live in? People are trapped in jobs that barely keep them alive and are so drained after work that they have zero energy to socialize. There is also the huge issue with instant gratification tools like social media which drain out your soul even further.

Society just wants you to work, spend that little money you earn immediately, keep yourself entertained with stuff or social media / movies / series so you have no time to revolt againtst the system and then die.

 

There are no community values present. People are not lonlier and more isolated because they want to be or because there is something wrong with them. It's just that society is actively raising and steering them to go in that direction. 

I totally agree with your points, your argumentation is absolutely true.

[Аshanti]

11 hours ago, Kamil24 said:

I have more than 10 close friends

 

11 hours ago, Kamil24 said:

I'm an introvert

[Communion]

And then they'll blame "woke culture" or trans women or soy milk or something. 

 

I mean:

On 8/27/2022 at 2:06 PM, Aristide said:

Not surprised. Thanks Leftists for vilifying masculinity.

The illiteracy after just recognizing how toxic masculinity works. 

 

Like no sis you're lonely because you're experiencing alienation under the late stages of collapsing capitalism and greater-than-ever wealth disparity. You're not miserable because of the erasure of traditional institutions; you're miserable because those institutions told you that your life could only have purpose after achieving a level of personal wealth attainment that's now no longer possible. 

 

The atomization and alienation straight men are now feeling is not unique to them:

 

It's the defining trait of our current reality.

Edited August 30, 2022 by Communion

[Arthoe]

It's hilarious how the same anti-woke, gaycel adjacent crowd is blaming leftism for this when this very obviously a result of hard masculinity and conservative culture being in action. Men predominantly have no emotional bonds with other men because it's seen as "gay" and that's compromising to a cisheteronormative understanding of masculinity. It's giving conservatives complaining about how broken our society has become because people can't afford groceries anymore, but somehow blaming it on socialism. Posting shelves of empty grocery stores in Texas and tweeting "This is socialism." That's what y'all are doing

Conservatives are afraid that if they lose their chokehold on male identity politics, where they groom men to feel nothing but emptiness, rage or lust, that men are starting to realize that they're getting scammed by buying into this sh*t. 

 

[Robert]

Unfortunately many men struggle to express feelings due to toxic masculinity so unsurprising.

[TiaTamera]

It’s interesting that all of these red pill podcasters are popping up. They are just projecting how they feel onto women and want women to take accountability for them lacking emotional intelligence as if it’s women’s fault. They also blame feminism for collapsing capitalism by saying how the cost of living went up as a result of women hitting the workforce. All it just does it shows that capitalism is a system that works on sacristy with the haves and have nots. Where people gain only because others around have less.

[bad guy]

There's two aspects to this. One being men are different from women when it comes to friendships. I actually think it's easy as a guy to make friends or hang out with other guys because for the most part there is no competition amongst men. It's much lower maintenance. We have something in common? Cool let's hang out. At least it's been that easy for me. I feel like women go through friends much quicker due to drama, but can make friends much quicker because women are just way more sociable and talkative than men most of the time. The other aspect is that men are more individualistic. I can go days without seeing my friends and it doesn't bother me whereas a lot of women can be co-dependent and need to be around friends constantly. That and they're more social. There's also more of a "sisterhood" with women than there is a "brotherhood" with men.

 

I would say I have maybe 5 close friends and then a bunch of other friends that I don't go deep with emotionally and we just hang out. I would like more friends though. The thing is you have to put yourself out there and just talk to people. You can't sit around and expect people to talk to you, you have to put in initiative and do it yourself. More times than not it will work and if it doesn't then who cares. Rejection is a part of life. I find it really discerning that young men are not being taught by their parents this and that's why I feel like they fall down the rabbit hole of right-wing/incel ways of thinking where women are to blame for everything. The harsh reality is, if you don't have friends chances are the problem is you. The good news is the solution is also you, meaning you can work on yourself and your social skills, work on your confidence (which is key to making any friendships or relationships), and work on figuring out why people don't want to be your friend. Once these young men do that I guarantee they'll be able to make friends. Unfortunately it's much easier for men to play victim and blame women and society for all their personal problems. Not saying society isn't broken and that there are no ramifications for the effect of social media on people's real life communication skills, but it's a cop out excuse to use when you don't want to look within.

[Buddy]

I only have 4 close friends, but that's enough for me.

[Bubble Tea]

4 hours ago, Buddy said:

I only have 4 close friends, but that's enough for me.

That's all anyone could hope to have. I would say I have four friends who are my ride or dies, and other friends but you know, you can't be tight with everyone.

 

If people get into relationships and then treat me like 2nd fiddle, I will remember that though. Your friends are not back-ups, they deserve their own place on the mantle.

[themroshawottguy]

On 8/27/2022 at 12:55 PM, nathanspears said:

I have no friends tbh.

 

It's just really hard to find friends as an adult.

This. :(

 

I'm lucky to already know a few people in the city I moved to, but WOWZA is it hard to meet people once you're past college age, especially in today's day and age. If I didn't have the 4-ish people I already know, I'd have literally no friends in the city I moved to. Loneliness is an emotional/spiritual parasite. 

[worldwide angel]

this is what people mean when they say the patriarchy harms men too.

 

i do feel bad but then i remember all of the disgusting vitriol a lot of men put into the world in real life and online.

 

arguing and educating these men always end up being a waste of time bc they’ll do anything but rectify the harm they have done to others.

[Genie in a Bottle]

Man here. Never belonged to a friend group, but have always had quite a lot of individualized friendships. I’m primarily introverted, but very social and adaptable when I want or need to be, so I’ve never really had difficulty making friends.
 

While I would say it’s 50/50 gender wise, almost all of my close, more “ride-or-die” type friendships are with women, and the two men I’d consider close friends are bi and gay.  
 

I do have several straight male friends, but the friendship is noticeably more surface level, at least from my perspective. When I want to have mindless fun and not be deep, I hang out with my guy friends. When I want to vent about something and be more emotional or do a more “feminine” type of activity like getting my ass pampered at a spa, I hang out with my women friends lmao. 
 

Most men generally lack a proficient level of emotional intelligence in my opinion, especially in their 20’s. I know that statement will piss some people off, but it is what it is.
 

Women are usually more honest and up front because they generally talk more and are way less insecure about their feelings/interests — so it’s easier and quicker to form bonds with them. Men care way more about “fitting in” with other men to the point so many of them become inauthentic, which is the root of their problems and inability to form deeper emotional bonds with each other. So many of them still try so hard to fit that typical 1950’s mold of what a “man” should be, and are duped into thinking that stepping outside of that would destroy every semblance of their “masculinity”.

[Tori_Hears]

WORK is why many ppl have no friends.

Work friends are not real friendships.

 

Ppl are stuck in their ways and not as open as they say they are. 

[prézli]

I'm a woman, but the most of my friendships ended because my friends had boyfriends, girlfriends, etc., and they weren't interested in friends anymore.

[prézli]

11 hours ago, Tropical said:

If people get into relationships and then treat me like 2nd fiddle, I will remember that though. Your friends are not back-ups, they deserve their own place on the mantle.

THIS!!!

[XxxKatyCatxxX]

Not surprised at all. A lot of parents are still teaching their small boys that they are not human beings with emotions. Luckily for me, I can't relate to that data. I have zero close friends and I'm the happiest I've ever been. 

[Witnessuss]

On 8/28/2022 at 2:06 AM, Aristide said:

Not surprised. Thanks Leftists for vilifying masculinity.

Can you read or are you just spouting your ignorance like your fave?

[Aristide]

Men have never had "close" friends, let's be real. Toxic masculinity prohibits it. The only reason we're analyzing this now is because it affects women and the gynocracy.

[Sombre]

Jeez, 6 close friends? I have like 3 lmao

[imabadkid]

A lot of it goes back to toxic masculinity which is surprisingly still very much a thing in 2022. Even playing video games, it's funny because the same guys who scream, "shut up f**" and spewing all kinds of homophobic hate are the SAME guys who want to add you and send you messages asking what's your snap. It's sad tbh.