discussion Men Have Fewer Friends Than Ever, & It’s Harming Their Health

[Sergi91]

The “male friendship recession” is having dire consequences.

Full Article Here

[Zoe_]

That's why there are mass shootings every week. Women are no longer tolerating the bs. Lonely men are dangerous for our society.

 

[nathanspears]

I have no friends tbh.

 

It's just really hard to find friends as an adult.

[P!nk Forever]

The lonely heterosexual young guys should come find me. I‘m sure we gonna make good friends.??

[scenekiller]

It's because a lot of men don't know how to have any emotional intelligence (gay men included - just look at posts on ATRL), and people are no longer willing to be around that type of energy.

 

These men need to do the work on themselves instead of seeking pity.

[schnetzka]

I would have more friends if everyone stopped ghosting me. That or they are all too busy to message me or call me back. I've had people take months to respond to texts (even when trying to make plans).

[Happylittlepunk]

As someone who work in psych facilities as a nurse . I will tell main reason is many of these guys don’t work on themselves. Many ppl rather flee than face reality and always blaim in someone else. Many of the guys need therapy, need to work out and lose weight and care for there health and appearance once that done it really solves 90% of the problem. Yes some folks need to work on there Social skills but that also comes with the help of therapy. Losing weight boost your confidence skills and gives you the motivation to be more social, therapy will help solve your mental issues and any deep issues you might I’ve had.

Edited August 27, 2022 by Happylittlepunk

[Mistah.Beyonce]

Yeah and it’s get harder when you get older and smarter because then you see the weaknesses and innocence and people and kinda don’t want to be associated with their immaturity. 

[helikesitheymikey]

10 minutes ago, scenekiller said:

It's because a lot of men don't know how to have any emotional intelligence (gay men included - just look at posts on ATRL), and people are no longer willing to be around that type of energy.

 

These men need to do the work on themselves instead of seeking pity.

This, but also that’s how we’ve been raised forever. Not an excuse, but when you are punished for showing emotions as a child, its eventually going to take a toll. Be better than your dad, and his dad, and the generations of men in the past.

[Happylittlepunk]

13 minutes ago, schnetzka said:

I would have more friends if everyone stopped ghosting me. That or they are all too busy to message me or call me back. I've had people take months to respond to texts (even when trying to make plans).

Sadly the new generation have very low social skills because of social media. Ppl don’t know how to socialize and don’t have strong emotional intelligence. I am sure not everyone you want too be friends is a a-hole but many ppl can’t understand or see what they are doing wrong. Your best bet is to be the leader of the pack and invite ppl to do ****. I had to learn all that stuff the hard way. It can be exhausting and annoying by that you always have to be the one making plans but trust me if you want a social circle in this day in age you have to lead.

Edited August 27, 2022 by Happylittlepunk

[scenekiller]

2 minutes ago, helikesitheymikey said:

This, but also that’s how we’ve been raised forever. Not an excuse, but when you are punished for showing emotions as a child, its eventually going to take a toll. Be better than your dad, and his dad, and the generations of men in the past.

Oh I agree completely, for the gay community in particular it's a heavier trauma because we also have to hide that part of ourselves on top of it.

 

That's where the work comes in, but unfortunately some people don't get to that level of awareness and instead just wonder why they're alone/look to fill it in other ways.

[jadeabove]

17 minutes ago, scenekiller said:

It's because a lot of men don't know how to have any emotional intelligence (gay men included - just look at posts on ATRL), and people are no longer willing to be around that type of energy.

 

These men need to do the work on themselves instead of seeking pity.

You will need a lot more empathy to go through this issue, however.

 

This "toughen up", "you are a lone wolf", "you don't need anyone" speech has been given for so long, it will take time before healing this issue. Expressing hard feelings like these will be clumsy, painful, awkward and unfortunately, fatal for some people going through them. As a society, we should be open to allow men express themselves as they possibly can, and that includes men being angry at society (men and women) for enforcing these impossible rules that they now have to go through.

 

It's such a complex subject. 

[scenekiller]

2 minutes ago, jadeabove said:

You will need a lot more empathy to go through this issue, however.

 

This "toughen up", "you are a lone wolf", "you don't need anyone" speech has been given for so long, it will take time before healing this issue. Expressing hard feelings like these will be clumsy, painful, awkward and unfortunately, fatal for some people going through them. As a society, we should be open to allow men express themselves as they possibly can, and that includes men being angry at society (men and women) for enforcing these impossible rules that they now have to go through.

 

It's such a complex subject. 

You're definitely right. The question I have is, at what point does accountability supersede empathy? How do we as a society talk about this without it shifting too far to either side?

 

Because I can empathize with the lone wolf who felt neglected and abandoned. But when we see so many of these men acting out their feelings in detrimental, violent ways, there comes a point where we just can't accept it. You see it a lot with the media (intentionally or otherwise) softening the image of men who commit assaults or murders by saying they were "misunderstood." 

 

That may be true, but what good does that framing do?

[Aristide]

22 minutes ago, scenekiller said:

It's because a lot of men don't know how to have any emotional intelligence (gay men included - just look at posts on ATRL), and people are no longer willing to be around that type of energy.

 

These men need to do the work on themselves instead of seeking pity.

Because they're seen as "weak" or "vulnerable" if they're in touch with their emotions.  And if they are in touch with their emotions, they actually may find it harder to feel close to other men because so few are that way too. So it's not always obvious to work on themselves when society perpetuates these harmful standards for men.

[Gorjesspazze9]

I have Zero friends. I just go to work, come home and sleep. Fine with me tho, I don’t like clubs or social events. I rather be at home watching tv or listening to music alone. 

[Bloodflowers.]

So that explains my lack of sleep?

 

I better find myself 6 close friends so I don't end up getting cancer

 

[jadeabove]

22 minutes ago, scenekiller said:

You're definitely right. The question I have is, at what point does accountability supersede empathy? How do we as a society talk about this without it shifting too far to either side?

 

Because I can empathize with the lone wolf who felt neglected and abandoned. But when we see so many of these men acting out their feelings in detrimental, violent ways, there comes a point where we just can't accept it. You see it a lot with the media (intentionally or otherwise) softening the image of men who commit assaults or murders by saying they were "misunderstood." 

 

That may be true, but what good does that framing do?

Accountability is something that is obviously super important and should not be ignored. However, we should also consider that this is a problem that stems from society. Thus, I think we should consider the share of society's influence on individuals. I read a book about toxic masculinity from Liz Plank, and it's interesting how she doesn't shy away from blaming women as much as men in her book in the role they play in making men more violent, possessive and aggressive. We are seeing the role of men changing in society and this makes some men feel threatened in their identities, which in turn makes them lash out. Same goes with some straight women who believe that, their partners or men in general, should occupy a certain role in society, so they look for men who have these exaggerated behaviours. It's a vicious circle that goes on and on, and on.

 

Prevention and education is so important in this subject. Just like you, however, I don't think we will be able to solve this issue without having other victims. Not that I'm saying that it's normal, far from it, but that it will happen. As a society, we have to move forward and dismantle the archetypes of masculinity (the Andrew Tate of this world), to ensure that they do not influence young minds. This is where the danger lies; we keep teaching young boys to be like this, and it never ends. Also, this issue is attached to homelessness, it's attached to gun violence, to right wing extremism, it's attached to incarcerations of men and predominantly BIPOC.  Society contributes a lot to this problem, and you can see all the elements of it being enforced by Republicans. Actually, solving the issue of toxic masculinity is key to solving the aforementioned issues. 

 

EDIT: I wanted to add that there's a lot of men on men crimes also. The way we are being told when we are young that we are faggots because we cry. That a lone wolf that is mysterious is more attractive. That you should be heartless and break her heart and cheat on her. That getting attached is for girls. I mean, growing up with other men, the only thing that it made feel is that; I should never trust other men. It's interesting since it seems to be a general sentiment that is not necessarily said out loud, but it seems to be echoed one way or another, through actions and inactions. 

Edited August 27, 2022 by jadeabove

[BrokenMachine]

I've always been such a supporting friend for other people, yet as long as they're not having an issue they don't come to me, they forget I even exist and go making plans without me. I don't know what else to do, everyone seems just fine living their lives without me even when I tried everything for them to love me as a friend. Isolation seems like my only answer right now, it's not worth it to go an try to find someone else who will take advantage of me again 

[Aristide]

Not surprised. Thanks Leftists for vilifying masculinity.

[jadeabove]

1 minute ago, Aristide said:

Not surprised. Thanks Leftists for vilifying masculinity.

What is masculinity? 

[Armani?]

1 minute ago, Aristide said:

Not surprised. Thanks Leftists for vilifying masculinity.

More like faux masculinity is why men don't express their feelings and cant vent to anyone 

[Armani?]

46 minutes ago, Gorjesspazze9 said:

I have Zero friends. I just go to work, come home and sleep. Fine with me tho, I don’t like clubs or social events. I rather be at home watching tv or listening to music alone. 

This is lowkey me, although most of my friends I talk to regularly dont even live near me

 

& I lost one of the few friends I had that lives in my city to Covid last year smh

[Aristide]

Is this  "friendship recession" affecting only men and not women?

[Grumpy Cat]

 

i could die and nobody would know until i wouldnt come to job after a week or some sh

[Grumpy Cat]

Just now, Aristide said:

Is this  "friendship recession" affecting only men and not women?

women too.