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Golden Hit: Season 2 📀 R5: Reviews posted, results 7 EST 💤 R6: Mix N Match (pg. 50)


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16 minutes ago, JoeAg said:

thank you so much 🥺:heart:

Reading that back I just realised I misquoted the lyric in my review, sorry :redface:

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Rumors have been circulating for a while now that prolific "hit" maker Hug has been working on writing a song for former BLACKGOLD member Diana Diamond. When asked what his thoughts on the legendary quartet, Hug chuckled then responded with "...they're a quartet?", perhaps indicating that he was always a Diana Diamond fan. Still, nothing solid has really came of these rumors, but a supposed 30 second snippet of a Hug-penned track leaked online with the title "Ride into the Night", a dance pop number with bubbly synths and a deep bass. Hug has refused to comment on the leak.

 

You can listen to the rumored snippet here, and give your thoughts in the comments below:

 

 

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14 minutes ago, Hug said:

IXk1cX1.png

Rumors have been circulating for a while now that prolific "hit" maker Hug has been working on writing a song for former BLACKGOLD member Diana Diamond. When asked what his thoughts on the legendary quartet, Hug chuckled then responded with "...they're a quartet?", perhaps indicating that he was always a Diana Diamond fan. Still, nothing solid has really came of these rumors, but a supposed 30 second snippet of a Hug-penned track leaked online with the title "Ride into the Night", a dance pop number with bubbly synths and a deep bass. Hug has refused to comment on the leak.

 

You can listen to the rumored snippet here, and give your thoughts in the comments below:

 

 

Golden Hit in its Create a Label era :jonnycat:

 

I’m bopping, who’d have guessed that Diana Diamond’s music might actually turn out to be worth a stream? Not me! Though I’m sure once her dog breath vocals are combined with the track, things might take a turn. Concerning. 

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19 hours ago, fountain said:

You can see who Yin Yin and Audrey stan from their Spotify playlists, and what their solo music could potentially sound like :keir: 

 

I believe Diana was in Iceland, Aria was probably at a fashion show or something, nobody ever knows where Yin Yin is, and Audrey was probably in her bedroom according to her wiki page

 

None of them have collaborated with that certain somebody, but I have no doubt that Diana happily would stoop low enough to do so, like another European flop star...

18 hours ago, Jackson said:

Diana is getting her Spotify playlist ready, but she primarily stans ex girl group members, summer bop-makers, and Scandinavian pop stars. She has issued a statement that she "unequivocally condemns Dr Luke and stands with the women affected by his malicious actions", but ATRL News reports that she would probably hop on a voice memo of a fart if it assured her a #1 hit

Hmmm :-* Very interesting

 

Although I wonder how much of this is true and what's covered up :cupid: I know K-Pop has a lot of secrets behind the scenes and certain things sound sketchy to me. Remmy will not be providing a song to any of them I fear!

 

21 minutes ago, Hug said:

IXk1cX1.png

Rumors have been circulating for a while now that prolific "hit" maker Hug has been working on writing a song for former BLACKGOLD member Diana Diamond. When asked what his thoughts on the legendary quartet, Hug chuckled then responded with "...they're a quartet?", perhaps indicating that he was always a Diana Diamond fan. Still, nothing solid has really came of these rumors, but a supposed 30 second snippet of a Hug-penned track leaked online with the title "Ride into the Night", a dance pop number with bubbly synths and a deep bass. Hug has refused to comment on the leak.

 

You can listen to the rumored snippet here, and give your thoughts in the comments below:

 

This eat :jonny::jonny::jonny:

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fountain

milk-and-mocha-bear-couple.gifmilk-and-mocha-bear-couple.gifmilk-and-mocha-bear-couple.gifmilk-and-mocha-bear-couple.gif

 

Yeah the first verse "song" was always meant to be a red herring :fan: I had no plans of writing a serious entry for this round, I just thought it'd be funny to have it start off that way as if that's the direction I went in.

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11 minutes ago, Remmy said:

Hmmm :-* Very interesting

 

Although I wonder how much of this is true and what's covered up :cupid: I know K-Pop has a lot of secrets behind the scenes and certain things sound sketchy to me. Remmy will not be providing a song to any of them I fear!

Um if you read their wiki you would know that BLACKGOLD is a group based (unfortunately*) in America! Fake fan!
 

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24 minutes ago, fountain said:

Um if you read their wiki you would know that BLACKGOLD is a group based (unfortunately*) in America! Fake fan!
 

Obviously i'm NOT a fan if I'm asking all these questions :fan: So you're telling me they're cultural appropriaters??? 🤔🤔🤔

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1 hour ago, Hug said:

IXk1cX1.png

Rumors have been circulating for a while now that prolific "hit" maker Hug has been working on writing a song for former BLACKGOLD member Diana Diamond. When asked what his thoughts on the legendary quartet, Hug chuckled then responded with "...they're a quartet?", perhaps indicating that he was always a Diana Diamond fan. Still, nothing solid has really came of these rumors, but a supposed 30 second snippet of a Hug-penned track leaked online with the title "Ride into the Night", a dance pop number with bubbly synths and a deep bass. Hug has refused to comment on the leak.

 

You can listen to the rumored snippet here, and give your thoughts in the comments below:

 

 

Okay, I love this. What kind of iconic behavior. :jonnycat:

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31 minutes ago, Remmy said:

Obviously i'm NOT a fan if I'm asking all these questions :fan: So you're telling me they're cultural appropriaters??? 🤔🤔🤔

Not the OBGHs still being obsessed even after they break up :jonnycat: that's how you know they (mostly Yin Yin though) are iconic !

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12 minutes ago, fountain said:

Not the OBGHs still being obsessed even after they break up :jonnycat: that's how you know they (mostly Yin Yin though) are iconic !

Honestly I barely know about them but their vapid, TikTok-ready music is on the radio all the time and I HATE it! Also they performed at my brother's middle school and two of them said he'll never be successful because he's "too ugly" (he has a large birthmark on his face btw)... I will be an OBGH until the day I DIE and I'm glad they disbanded!!!

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20 minutes ago, Remmy said:

Honestly I barely know about them but their vapid, TikTok-ready music is on the radio all the time and I HATE it! Also they performed at my brother's middle school and two of them said he'll never be successful because he's "too ugly" (he has a large birthmark on his face btw)... I will be an OBGH until the day I DIE and I'm glad they disbanded!!!

You didn't need to expose Diana and Audrey like this :jonny2: lets hope this doesn't go viral on Twitter...

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My average score this round is 8.7 :bird: was feeling generous x

 

I do genuinely feel it was a strong round overall, though. Everybody should be happy!

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2 hours ago, Hug said:

IXk1cX1.png

Rumors have been circulating for a while now that prolific "hit" maker Hug has been working on writing a song for former BLACKGOLD member Diana Diamond. When asked what his thoughts on the legendary quartet, Hug chuckled then responded with "...they're a quartet?", perhaps indicating that he was always a Diana Diamond fan. Still, nothing solid has really came of these rumors, but a supposed 30 second snippet of a Hug-penned track leaked online with the title "Ride into the Night", a dance pop number with bubbly synths and a deep bass. Hug has refused to comment on the leak.

 

You can listen to the rumored snippet here, and give your thoughts in the comments below:

 

 

Left no crumbs I fear... shame this gem is going to Diana Diamond and feeding her already inflated ego. The Little Diamantés are being fed on this day. :jonny2:

 

24 minutes ago, Remmy said:

Honestly I barely know about them but their vapid, TikTok-ready music is on the radio all the time and I HATE it! Also they performed at my brother's middle school and two of them said he'll never be successful because he's "too ugly" (he has a large birthmark on his face btw)... I will be an OBGH until the day I DIE and I'm glad they disbanded!!!

2 minutes ago, fountain said:

You didn't need to expose Diana and Audrey like this :jonny2: lets hope this doesn't go viral on Twitter...

I would strongly advise you to both keep my protégé and close friend Audrey Onyx out of your mouth in relation to such slander. Onyx is a proud humanitarian and human (and animal!) rights activist and would never even insinuate such a thing. :tsk:

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7 hours ago, Temporal said:

I think Diana Diamond would be easiest for me but I'm leaning towards Audrey Onyx rn :cupid: 

5 hours ago, Julia Fox said:

Wrote the perfect song for Audrey I think :WAP: @Aurora very tumblr-ish but not cringe-y and also with it’s own personality :gayoncecat1: I can see Sky recording it tbh 

Audrey is humbled by your expression of interest to write for her. She's currently busy cooking up some homemade demos in her bedroom right now, but I'm sure we can work something out!

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1 minute ago, Aurora said:

Left no crumbs I fear... shame this gem is going to Diana Diamond and feeding her already inflated ego. The Little Diamantés are being fed on this day. :jonny2:

 

I would strongly advise you to both keep my protégé and close friend Audrey Onyx out of your mouth in relation to such slander. Onyx is a proud humanitarian and human (and animal!) rights activist and would never even insinuate such a thing. :tsk:

To be fair, when he referred to "two members" he probably meant Diana and her ego; this thought hadn't crossed my mind, so perhaps Audrey isn't facing cancellation after all.

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6 minutes ago, fountain said:

My average score this round is 8.7 :bird: was feeling generous x

 

I do genuinely feel it was a strong round overall, though. Everybody should be happy!

Not an 8.7 average?! Not even my GH1 finale average was that high. :ahh: Gurl you make Paula look like a Simon. :deadbanana4:

 

I might post some hints since I'm unfortunately going to be working through results. :cupid: I only had four total entries at or above fountain's average, though!

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1 minute ago, Aurora said:

Not an 8.7 average?! Not even my GH1 finale average was that high. :ahh: Gurl you make Paula look like a Simon. :deadbanana4:

 

I might post some hints since I'm unfortunately going to be working through results. :cupid: I only had four total entries at or above fountain's average, though!

I actually looked at that... Jackson only had 2 above my average :deadbanana4:

 

Idk, I enjoyed my time with these entries! Most had something that I liked or could appreciate, so I found it easy to be more liberal with my scores. Plus now that there are four of us my scores account for less percentage wise, so I guess I can go as Paula'd as I want and it won't make as much of an impact :kitty:

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I'm worried that if I submit a pop song I'll be dragged for the basic lyrics but like isn't that what commercial pop songs are :deadbanana:

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2 hours ago, Hug said:

IXk1cX1.png

Rumors have been circulating for a while now that prolific "hit" maker Hug has been working on writing a song for former BLACKGOLD member Diana Diamond. When asked what his thoughts on the legendary quartet, Hug chuckled then responded with "...they're a quartet?", perhaps indicating that he was always a Diana Diamond fan. Still, nothing solid has really came of these rumors, but a supposed 30 second snippet of a Hug-penned track leaked online with the title "Ride into the Night", a dance pop number with bubbly synths and a deep bass. Hug has refused to comment on the leak.

 

You can listen to the rumored snippet here, and give your thoughts in the comments below:

 

 

ATRL News reporting Diana's team is salivating over this demo :jonny5: clubs in her home country of Iceland are already playing/remixing the snippet 

 

5 minutes ago, Kylie Jenner said:

I'm worried that if I submit a pop song I'll be dragged for the basic lyrics but like isn't that what commercial pop songs are :deadbanana:

I think there's ways to write a catchy pop song without boring lyrics. There are others who have done this well more continually, but I think this song of mine from last season is a good example. The trick is either to find something new to write about or write about something generic in a new way by injecting some emotion or imagery into it. A good rhythm and rhyme scheme also go a long way in making a pop song catchy and flow well

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AAAAAAND FINITO! Compiling all reviews here for your reference. Very solid start, and I'm excited to see the range of writers present! If there's one overall piece of advice I'd like to give, it's to embrace the challenge and think outside the box. We had a lot of fishes and snakes and birds, but don't be afraid to get creative! Think of how a python or rattlesnake, or a hawk or a dove as a subject can completely change the mood or theme of your piece, despite being related animals. Overall, nice showing! I'm very excited to see all of you for Round 2!

 

 

 

 

 


1. @Kylie Jenner - “Eve”

I’m a huge fan of “tidiness” in songs, and what I mean by that is lyrics that demonstrate an understanding of rhyme scheme, meter, and a balanced structure in regards to stanzas and sections. You already show a strong understanding of these foundations, so kudos to you! What I think would benefit you for your next song are the following: One, variety when it comes to rhyme scheme and rhyme types. The entire piece follows AABB and AAAA rhyme scheme. For example, “Eden/weakened/beaten/demons” is an AAAA scheme, and “pain/insane/dream/gleam” is AABB. While this isn’t an issue in isolation, when these are stacked one after the other, the piece can begin to read as sounding repetitive. (I’d also argue AAAA is closely related to AABB, as you’re essentially doing rhyming couplets in succession.) In addition to rhyme scheme, I’d encourage you to explore playing with less strict rhymes. Strong rhymes such as “girl/pearl” “choice/rejoice” have already been paired in songs before and can lead to a sense of predictability. Meanwhile, slant rhymes open up the possibilities of what you can say next. “Hurt/deserve” make a slant rhyme, and I thought that was fresher than the lines that came before it in the bridge.

 

My second pointer for next time would be finding a fresh way to talk about an action or feeling other than just stating the action or feeling. The song paints a picture of Eve’s conflict, but is doing so in ways that could be described as plainly expository. With your next song, maybe you can ask “how can I create an emotional hook with the reader?” For example, the first line of the prechorus: “I’ve never felt so trapped in this garden of eden”. You could ask how to convey entrapment without saying “trap”. Something like “The trees of Eden were the bars of my cage” might create some interest with the reader and give them something to latch onto. You just want to look for anywhere you can add some unique perspective rather than describing.


2. @Julia Fox - “Crying Birds”

You’re dead-on that this piece has an ambiguous feeling, the abstract sense it gives definitely held up after a few readings. If I were to hazard a guess, I’m getting the sense that this is about… Transition? From someone being there with the narrator and then now they’re not. It causes them to recontextualize occurrences such as birds singing with the sense of longing they’re feeling now. There’s some writing I really like here, such as saying the “trees are getting undressed” to represent fall, and the idea of the “singing statute” being a bird who doesn’t immediately flee from the narrator as they eye each other.

 

I’m very happy that we can get diverse entries in Golden Hit, but I do have to admit it falls a little flat for me with the loose meter and rhyme scheme, along with there not being a killer image or knockout concept to pair it with that makes the loss of the first two points worth it. It reads more strongly as a poem than a song, which isn’t an issue, but I wonder what you might make if you were to tighten up the structure a bit?


3. @DatChickDoe - “Bite”

Now you didn’t tell us what animal you were doing but I did get shark before you name-dropped it at the end of the verse. With that in mind, there are some examples of really strong songwriting here, some of the best I’ve read in the round! The entire first verse was on point. “Lips laced with razors” is definitely a one-liner I’d place within the top 3 of the round, that’s really striking imagery. Your writing has a very commercial edge, and that’s something I really appreciate as a lot of writers lean more to prose in ATRL songwriting games! The rhyme scheme, meter and structure were tight, for the most part.

 

If I were to give a couple of pointers: for starters, I’d suggest writing out every repetition of the lyrics, rather than doing “refer to chorus”, just for clarity’s sake. I could not tell whether you intended for the section above or below to denote what we should be re-reading as the chorus (I assumed it was the section above.).

 

Second, while it wasn’t a huge issue in regards to it impacting your score, I’d suggest paying attention to not mixing metaphors as a general rule for more potent songwriting, especially as there will be more “thematic” challenges in the future. If we’re talking about sharks, it helps sharpen the song’s point if you keep focus on that specific metaphor, rather than diverting to sirens, spiders, and terrestrial predators (Such as animals with “paws”, just a minor nitpick but also be aware of what tone your word choice sets: We associate paws with friendly animals such as house cats, dogs, baby bears etc. Wouldn’t “claws” be more pointed and aggressive, for example?). All in all, this was a strong first entry, and I’m interested to see how you build on this in the next challenge!


4. @Hug - “Lilith”

Very strong composition-wise in regards to structure/meter and rhymes. All the rhymes felt natural, and the piece had an easy-to-understand flow. I’d expect no less from one of our songwriting vets!

 

I do need to admit I didn’t really grasp onto much here despite it being well-written. I think there’s a couple of parts as to why and I hope this advice might spark some possible directions/development for songs in future rounds: 

 

 

 

 

  1. I personally am not a fan of passive voicing/inverted voicing/Yodaspeak etc. I completely understand how it fits thematically here as you’re going for a more archaic voicing to match the Biblical theme, but it does become a bit much when almost every line is inverted. Which sort of leads to my second reservation:

  2. I think the voicing/execution combined with the theme of Eve and the snake was low-hanging fruit (Pun intended). It’s a bit too obvious to write the song in this way which made the originality suffer, in my opinion. I think there was a more adventurous way to have these same characters and same thoughts illustrated without reaching to Ole English, especially in a round where this same story was so popular. In future rounds, I’d be excited to see what your command of song structure looks like when paired with a fresh concept.

 

 

 


5. @worldwide angel - “Eternal”

I don’t know how you did it but I absolutely got “sea turtle” before I read your additional info. So, huge kudos for the specific animal choice and having that communicated within the song. My first critique that I’d suggest ironing out before your next submission has nothing to do with the song and all about the format: I’d suggest always using line breaks rather than slashes (“/”) to separate lines if you want to illustrate the meter. I understand it might look uglier to have a lone word or two in its own line, but it’s an easier read than adding additional visible text. Ideally, you can keep it all one complete line to match your full line, but I wouldn’t split the difference using text like the slashes.

 

Now that that’s out of the way, I kind of read my own story into this! It was a very cinematic piece, I could just picture a newborn turtle hatchling taking his first steps off the beach and exploring the ocean. This was one of the more vibrant entries when it came to imagery this week, and I’d love to see you build on your knack for imagery in the following rounds. One piece of advice is to balance word choice and tone: The piece has a very free feeling, but the instances of the words “die” and “masochist” have a weight that’s wildly imbalanced from the rest of the song, and clash with the tone. You just want to make sure each word choice positively adds to the picture you’re painting, and you’ll be set!


6. @Allday - “Animal For You”

Come on, Yandere protagonist!

 

I actually… Think there’s a lot of good points here! It was pleasingly violent. It’s really hard to write angry without getting edgy-in-a-bad-way, but I think you did a good job of using descriptive language to show the obsession of the narrator. I think the chorus is a solid start, as well as verse 2, they demonstrate the points I talked about, they really focus on active verbs. I find most writers use adjectives to illustrate emotion, so the use of verbs was refreshing and appropriate to show intensity.

 

Composition wise, it does need some work. I think the plain exposition used here does work in bits, but for future songs, think about how you can talk about an action or feeling without explicitly naming that feeling, for example, how you can rephrase “the envy in me took over” without name-dropping “envy”. Additionally, though it may seem like it’s just a formatting choice, I think the overuse of exclamation points can end up a crutch for writers. Usually it’s a problem limited to writers in a text medium, but in a songwriting competition where we have no aural component, you need to find ways to imply excitement and aggression without using exclamation points. Some of these lines are already aggressive enough without the marks! All in all, this was an interesting start, and I’m curious to see what you do in future rounds!


7. @Better Mistakes - “Don't Leave My Life”

I think you hit upon a really strong concept and unique take on the challenge (That being the perspective of a domesticated animal.), and in fact one that has been explored in a recent hit song. (Try not to cry while watching the music video!) However, I think you’ve come up a bit short, despite a proven and strong basis. I think the issue of why it didn’t connect for me is twofold: 1) the composition and 2) the execution of the theming.

 

  1. I’d suggest caution with how often you repeat anything in a song, especially singular words. I think there’s a way you can make the repetition of love in the prechorus catchy, as well as a way to make the twists on the use of “please” in the chorus not only catchy, but also clever: But in both examples, I found them to just be restating the same point in two ways, which wasn’t very engaging. The verses advanced your story, but the prechorus and chorus seemed to spin in place. For the next round, I’d suggest analyzing each major section and asking how it advances the narrative of the whole song. 

  2. I didn’t get that it was about a pet and not a person until I read your additional info. While I’m not a purist about adherence to the challenge and won’t dock you for it, I think it would’ve strengthened your song to mix a bit more of the viewpoint in there, because it is a unique take. For example, I don’t get the sense of what kind of animal this is even with the added info. I’m assuming a dog, but it could also be a cat, hamster, parrot, snake, etc. In the Yuuri song, besides the obvious dog name “Leo”, he has details about being petted (So this animal has fur) and close loyalty (So it’s likely not a hamster or cat, ie a dog.). Think about what details you can bring in.

 

I know it seems like I’m ragging, but I want to reemphasize this was a strong concept. It’s only the second time I’ve read something like this, and the first time in English, so you’ve definitely got some unique ideas, and I’m interested in what you come up with next, as you really did think outside the box here, despite it not completely coming across on paper


8. @hurricane326 - “I Walk Alone”

Ok I immediately got cryptid/mythical creature and the exact story of the Jersey Devil had slipped my mind before I read your additional info but I did get shades of that! (I ended up settling on dragon as your animal of choice before checking LMAO.). I think that’s a really inspired choice of “animal” and it gave your song a unique flair compared to the general direction other entries went in. I liked that there was a bit of a narrative here and thought you had a strong command of song composition.

 

To nitpick, I do think the structure was a bit repetitive, but I do understand you wanted a more folk-y theming, and this lends to that. It feels like it could be read around a campfire, it has a strong sense of atmosphere. As I review this, I’m realizing I liked this more than I thought originally! Certainly memorable, and very well constructed, good work!


9. @EpicSongFan - “Sweet Escape”

(Love Dive is a major bop, first things first.)

 

I’d like to start off by complimenting the structure of your song. I got a sense of dynamism, i.e. each section introduced a new component of the story, and the moments where it’s meant to peak (Such as the chorus) peaked emotionally, etc. It felt like a fully plotted song with narrative, and I got the sense of it being a commercial pop song. (This was before I checked your instrumental link, btw!)

 

I have two pointers for you: Similar to the advice I gave Kylie Jenner, try to find ways to say plain/common actions and feelings in a fun way. I thought the first verse of the song was creative (A crown of thorns is a neat way to describe a false compliment.), but in contrast, the outro lacked that creativity. Additionally, if you are aiming for a more commercial feel, make sure to commit to conventions such as rhyme scheme: There’s a few points where the rhyme scheme is randomly dropped or completely absent, such as in the very first verse, and it makes for an awkward read. Overall, I liked the pop-y approach you took for this!


10. @XO_Life - “Body Make-Up”

I have a lot to say about this song:

  1. “I shed skin, not tears” is the best one-liner of this round

  2. It’s giving me major Taylor Swift Reputation era vibes? I get a huge commercial edge from this song and it’s got the same scornful feel. I think it’s a lot better written than a lot on that album, too.

This song is short and sweet but it doesn’t feel like anything’s missing. It’s really well composed, and I just love love love the central line. I think with the additional info you provided in mind, it fits really well for any woman who’s villainized by the world. There’s a lot of great lines here outside of the central one, too: I liked “my name became a punchline” and “evidence is dependent on sympathy” as well.

 

I honestly think this was the best realization of the very popular snake theming this round. I think you could put up a really strong showing if you continue with one-liners like you did here.

 

(One last thing, I think your original title is much stronger than “Body Makeup”, but I respect your choice as the writer!)

 

11. @beatinglikeadrum - “Cock-a-doodle-do”

OK the Lana line made me snort on both readings which is actually a good start because you got a reaction from me. So I don’t agree that you flopped!

 

Let’s look at the positives: You clearly understand the structure needed for this type of song and have a command of rhyme scheme, which is less common than you’d think! So you do have a solid foundation to build off of. There are some nuggets of good bars you could expand on sprinkled throughout. I could see the zodiac lines or the peacock one being refined to make a knockout bar. What I think limits the song are the mixed metaphors. I would’ve suggested focusing on the bird metaphors, as that’s less common in rap and all of pop music than the “kitty” metaphor.

 

If you want to pursue further rap songs, what you could maybe do is take it in the direction of taking down a cocky man, and use the rooster/bird metaphor to springboard and come up with various punchlines, then try to create connective tissue that makes them flow together. Just some ideas. I’d be interested in seeing you revisit this style of rap tbh!

 

12. @camfuckingrockwell - “Bluebird”

I think you demonstrated some important basics, such as symbolism and rhyme scheme, so there are elements of solid songwriting craft here. This piece is underdeveloped, but I think I can offer a few points on how you can expand and flesh out songs in the future:

 

  1. Try to come up with a central chorus. I noticed none of the stanzas really repeated, so with your next song, I’d try to focus on identifying a section you think is strong enough to stand alone and still get the message of your song across, and have that repeat a few times. Then based on that chorus, try to write sections around that part that either build into it, or shine a new light on what’s being said there.

  2. It’s okay to start with lyrics that are more statements of how the narrator feels or what actions they’re taking, but go back and edit some of these lyrics so that they imply a feeling, rather than stating it. This will add more texture to your writing.

 

I’d love to see you put that into practice for your next song! Thank you for submitting, I’m excited to see what you do next!

 

13. @TruGemini - “Whisked Away”

I think it was an interesting take and very ambitious to try a dual narrative, but I wasn’t able to get that on my first or second read, and even after reading the additional information I’m not picking it up very well. I find that for songs with double meanings, one needs to be literal, and the second needs to be metaphor. In this instance, you’re presenting two narratives that are both trying to be literal, so it’s hard to catch what you’re doing.

 

I think it might’ve been better had you embraced one of the earlier ideas you had, as described in your additional information, and leaned into the animal direction as is in the round’s theme. As of now, it’s stradling a line of being somewhat related to a fish and somewhat related to humans. I can see you know how to structure your song and lead to a chorus: I hope to see you embrace the future rounds, using their concepts as a launchpad to write a song with a strong and consistent theme.


14. @Jack! - “Teddy Bear”

I actually thought this concept was really interesting, it’s kind of cooly morbid? I’ve seen other songs with concepts about human disassembly and always wanted to try something like it, so it’s cool to see it pop up here!

 

My interpretation was that of someone in the hookup scene, they’re bouncing around finding things they like and don’t like in partners until ultimately they find the partner of their dreams. It made for a nice narrative throughline. It’s really well constructed when it comes to rhyme patterns and meter, and makes for an easy thing.

 

The only thing I could knock you for is that the chorus definitely outshines the rest of the song, as this is where the concept actually appears, I feel as if the verses and prechoruses are interchangeable with other songs and don’t have the same character as the chorus. Especially in a round where a lot of people tackled hookup culture. All in all, a very solid first entry!


15. @Augmented - “Night owl”

One point that’s not major BUT I don’t think owls are a bird that get associated with singing, no? Anyways I really liked the “telescopic” nature of the narrative as we start outside with the owl and then zoom-in to the character that’s inside. I liked a lot of the inside/outside dichotomy you played with in the lyrics. I liked how it turned out this was a narrative-type song with a story, which might not have been what a reader was expecting at the start. I also find basing your song around an idiom involving an animal to be a very valid way of interpreting the challenge, and I’m surprised more people didn’t go in that direction.

 

In short, I liked a lot of this. It’s very neat, a good Round 1 entry, and I’m interested to see what you do next.


16. @Gavin. - “Stung”

Alright so you didn’t tell us what animal you were aiming for but I got… Scorpion? But that’s not a very “sexy” animal for lack of a better word, so maybe it’s something else LMAO.

 

I thought this was a memorable song, and possibly the strongest of the entries that connected animalism to hookups and predators. Forgive me if I’m off base, but I got the sense this was a metaphor for unprotected sex? Rather than just creating a negative emotional attachment after a hookup. Having the space for that interpretation is already really interesting.

 

This was really pop-y, which I appreciate, and you did well composition wise. I’d like to see whether you elevate this writing style even further in the upcoming rounds, or if you display something completely different. What you showed here already shows great potential for a lot of styles.

 

17. @Legend E - “Moving With The Speed of Light”

I immediately got cheetah without needing to refer to the notes, so points for that! “I’m moving through life with the speed of light/I win every speed dating night” is definitely within my top 3 one(two?)-liners of the round. It’s a very fun idea to put into lyrics.

 

I do think the song starts slowing down after the very strong first verse and chorus, starting with the prizefighter line, which doesn’t really strengthen your theme of speed. Additionally, the rhyme scheme starts breaking down in several places, and you start reaching for some really easy rhymes (Remain/chain/train or plane/pain) that didn’t seem up to the level you could be aiming for. In order to maintain momentum for your next song, I’d check throughout the writing process that each stanza develops or continues your main theme, and then do a bit of editing to come up with some fresh rhymes. You had a clever idea, but the writing didn’t do it justice the longer the song ran on.


18. @Achilles. - “Hibernate”

Well bears definitely do hibernate, and I did get bear on first read ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Anyways love the title, love the mood/atmosphere, and thought it made for a very interesting conceit.

 

It must be open season on my happiness” definitely the best opener of the round, it’s a nice blend of theme and voicing that not many attempted, and immediately sets the stage. I totally understood the connection between depression and hibernation. Really nice metaphor that I’m surprised hasn’t been touched on in popular music yet, even as a title.

 

I don’t need to point out that your composition was on point when it comes to scheme and structure. Just a nice job all around!


19. @Euterpe - “Small Beginnings”

Even before the use of “ridley” I was able to understand this was about a sea turtle, so kudos on that.

 

I need to figure out what about turtles results in songs this cute ddd. It was an extremely cute song, and really communicated a sense of wonder and anticipation for the journey ahead. I thought the parallel rhymes that bookend the chorus were super clever.

 

Honestly, I’m having trouble finding something to critique. It was well composed and I definitely got the vibe of a “Opening to a Disney movie”. In the future rounds I’m interested to see you do something tonally different, OR to also expand on this same concept, and show us more parts of a narrative. If there’s one drawback of an opening musical number, usually they only have a piece of the story, and need to be reinterpreted throughout the show. I can sense more to the story, and I would’ve loved to read it!


20. @Temporal - “Halcyon’s Wings”

Well obviously you’re very versed at this so we don’t need to touch on how the rhyming, meter, and structuring were on point, do we?

 

There’s a lot of lines I really like here, like “I’m a petrified passenger to my own life”, it’s a sentiment I’m really interested in so I was excited to see something like that at the onset of the song. I also liked the twist on your fears being alleviated by stating they’re “floating” above you.

 

However, I wish we could’ve had some sort of insight into what exactly was the incipient action or event that causes the narrator’s mental state to change, even if it’s intended to be metaphorical. I don’t quite get why it needed to be a halcyon bird specifically, other than them having a cool and fitting name. Right now it’s just reading as a switch getting flipped, and I think that can be attributed to how tenuously connected the theme/challenge is to the message you wanted to convey.

 

That’s not to say I thought you flopped btw! It was a very easy read which I appreciate, and I think you still satisfied the challenge. I’m looking forward to you bringing a showstopper in future rounds.


21. @Remmy - “THE ZOO”

Not you picking the whole damn barn as your animal for the challenge :deadbanana: 

 

This was super clever and very funny. I see why you were so acclaimed in Season 1! Easily the most memorable song of the round, and I’m really impressed with how you’ve portrayed the structure for a rap song. “I'm the freakiest b*tch in my genus” definitely the standout line, but I loved the third stanza of the second verse? I could really hear how it would be delivered, and even the production behind it.

 

I really don’t know what to say… It’s a good sign to get a reaction out of a reader. Sadness, anger… Laughter definitely counts. Good job, and I’m excited to see what else you’re gonna bring this season!


22. @JoeAg - “Tyto Alba”

This was definitely the title I was most interested in this round. I think it’s clever to use a technical name of the subject, rather than a line from the song!

 

I did find the song as a whole to be a teensy bit flowery. I’m not much of a prose writer but I do respect those who can tie in some advanced words. I thought mote was a good example of prose done right, but did find “simulacrum” to be an example of how it can get to be too much! I immediately had to go look it up when it read, when I want to be fully focused on your actual song!

 

“You held me in your talons, told me to never fear” was a line that really stood out to me, I love this image and the use of the word “talons” before a statement of reassurance. There’s a lot to like structurally. I liked the internal rhymes you set up, and the structure, though unconventional, did have a balance to it. It didn’t quite hold me though, ultimately. I think part of it is the lack of an emotional hook: You described the song as a breakup song, and while I don’t think anger is the only way to sell one, I think the emotion you do choose to convey needs to be stronger than the feeling of calm acceptance shown here. I’m interested to see what you do in future rounds, when trying to communicate a more intense emotion.
 

 

Edited by 8thPrince
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tbh I changed a couple scores in the submission form last minute so i dont have them to do hints :celestial5:

 

but i'll rihveal this:

 

my #1 song was inspired by an owl :celestial5:

and my #2 song was inspired by a snake :celestial5:

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Thanks for the feedback! I will try to do a bit of editing and focusing to make it flow better next time!

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📀 Aurora's Hints 📀


Prof. Feathersnooze

Gurgle

Prof. Purplex

Tiki

Waffles

Hissy

Flumpy

Jeepers

Scrumpy
Gumz

Peppy

Prickles

Betty

Blurp

Randall
Shelby
Myrtle
McNulty

Cluekoo

Mrs. Snoodle

King Brian

Chirpy

 

Some of these are admittedly reaches, but I think if you figure one or two out, the rest shouldn't be too hard to decipher. :heart: Keep in mind that the ranks are pretty close (all of you scored at or above a 6 for me) and my preference is only 1/4 of the final scores/rankings.

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the results are in :eli: 40 minutes to go!

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