fountain Posted October 4, 2022 Posted October 4, 2022 it's late but you can look forward to my remaining reviews tomorrow!
XO_Life Posted October 4, 2022 Posted October 4, 2022 6 hours ago, fountain said: Round 6: The Mix n Match Final, Part One @XO_Life - Evilist & Evilist (After Thoughts) I think you very much succeeded in telling the story you went for, one of a harmful relationship, how it can affect a person and the thoughts they deal with afterwards. I really liked this looking at it as an emotional release, writing is an amazing place to vent and let out your personal frustrations and I think this is a very good example of how writing is a very important tool and artform in that way, and that even when writing about negative things, it can have a positive effect for people; I think a lot of people unfortunately would be able to relate to this song, but it’s also bittersweet in a way because writing about that and sharing the experience is a powerful thing too. I really appreciated that you went ahead and submitted the After Thoughts part too, I enjoyed this as an epilogue to the song and think it could actually have been expanded even more and could’ve been a full sequel song to be honest because the potential is there, it could be cool to work in this person moving on afterwards to go full circle with the story. Overall I think you’re ending the season on a high note, and I definitely think (if we disregard last round) you’ve shown some real growth this season, so great job! @Hug - Deep in the Expanse This is very interesting to me. Everybody who ever even attempts writing will at some point experience that dreaded phenomenon of writer’s block, and it’s hard to know how to deal with it. When that issue can be turned around and used to its advantage through situations like this where you spin it around and instead decide to write about the writer’s block itself, is always really smart to me and really intriguing. In a way it’s an act of defiance, because you aren’t given in to this unfortunate thing, and instead are trying to make the most out of it, and I really appreciate that and think that it offers an interesting viewpoint which you have successfully explored here. I think you sum it up yourself the best with the final line, this is you giving it your all instead of giving up, and that feels evident through the song itself and also in hearing your changing thoughts about it. It’s probably not the note that you wanted to end the season on, but I think it’s a poignant and valuable one, because moments like this are inevitable in our lives and what is most important is how we adapt and deal with them; and that’s exactly what you’ve done. Good job, and good luck in the final. @Euterpe - My New Birthday Frankly I could never have imagined a song like this. Your mind? This is so out of left field and as you aimed for, campy and fun. I love that you had an idea and just totally went for it, no matter if it might be unconventional or whatever, and just decided to have fun with the final round instead of trying to be super poignant or emotional or anything. This game can be whatever you want, and if you want it to be writing songs about turning into a werewolf, that sounds perfectly fine with me! Despite the unexpected theme the song itself does sparkle with your usual flair as a writer, slightly enchanting and alluring, but then you also hit the funny bone with the short spoken phrases too which were nice breaks throughout the song. Overall it makes for a unique and jovial final impression, and I hope your experience throughout the season has been similarly fun. From the very beginning of Season 1 you stood out to me and I’m really glad that you joined this season and have experienced the successes that you have, you should really be proud of yourself and what you’ve written throughout this game. Good job, and good luck in the final. @Julia Fox - the knife that changed it all I appreciate your willingness to really go there with this song. It’s about a really sad and complex topic, but I think you handled it well and with some good nuance. What I enjoyed the most, and what I consistently enjoy throughout your writing, is your ability to put such a personal touch on things; when it comes to imagery, particularly imagery relating to a relationship, you are unmatched. It’s never predictable, and you always charm me with the images that you bring to your songs and come up with; yet since they are so specific, it gives me the feeling that they must be truly lived experiences, which adds a further dynamic to your songs. They feel vivid to me in this way, and create a warm feeling when reading them; even in a song that deals with such a pensive topic and bleak story, you still manage to charm and delight thanks to this aptitude in your writing. As ever, this all made for a lovely read and leaves me mostly with this nice feeling afterwards, despite the nature of the song, due to this enjoyment of your writing and style. The story itself when choosing to focus on that too is enjoyable, and you cement the emotion of the song with some really strong lyrics, for me the standouts being “listening to oldies and slow dancing to them in the morning, with the cats begging us to be fed” and “the books that you had to read, what the **** do i do with them?” which highlight my favourite qualities of your writing; in your songs, I feel like it’s the small things that have the most impact for me and what I take away from them, when writing a song about such a dark topic it could be very easy to get lost in the emotion and feeling of it but as a writer you seem to always remain poised and offer quite poignant unique viewpoints that I appreciate so much = what would one do with a lost loved one’s books, and yes it’s fun to focus on the lovely couple, but what about their hungry cats too? I have to praise you for always bringing such dimension to your songs in this way, it’s been such a treat to see throughout your time both this season and last season. I definitely believe you’ve come a long way as a writer, you should be really proud of yourself. Thank you did you like the song tho? I am writing a song called "Terrors Of Love" rn. It comes right after the epilogue. It explores the thoughts on a deeper level. It draws inspiration from night terrors and how they make you feel right after you wake up, are covered in sweat, start to cry and are desperate for "relief".
fountain Posted October 4, 2022 Posted October 4, 2022 3 hours ago, XO_Life said: Thank you did you like the song tho? Yes I thought that was a given
fountain Posted October 4, 2022 Posted October 4, 2022 Round 6: The Mix n Match Final, Part 2 @hurricane326 - Their Names Let me start off by saying that I don’t view your latest submissions as your flop era. To out myself, I actually gave them both the same score which was a 9. Now, this is lower than the scores I gave your first 3 submissions, but a 9 is still a fantastic score. I think a similar thing applies to your run throughout this season; you started off so impressively strong right from the beginning, that I guess it was almost inevitable that there would be a moment when that might falter, if even slightly, and I think it’s easy to then view that as flopping or something, but in reality I think you’ve still been doing amazingly, it just can be hard to grasp that in comparison to your performance in the earlier rounds. I say all of this to come to the point that with this entry, I think you’ve broken out of whatever you want to call that moment, and have ended the season on a strong note. I really enjoy this song, and as ever you prove yourself to be a stellar writer with your polished and cut lyricism. In fact, this I would say is one of my favourite submissions from your solely from a lyrical point I think; as I say all of your songs are always well written, but I like the balance present in this song, it feels storytelling yet also nicely uses imagery and also, to me, leaves things a little open to interpretation. You say in description for the song that it should be pretty self explanatory and I think it is to a degree, but to me the reference to “their names” is where I am left to ponder over the meaning, and I appreciate this, because to me it could represent a few different things. I absolutely loved your use of the duet challenge here; dueting with yourself between your personal feelings and your rational mind is a strong concept, and I adored how it was used throughout the song, those parts where my favourite in fact and whenever I saw a new one coming up I knew I was in for something special. It created a really nice back and forth throughout the song and explored the story you were trying to tell well. Overall I really enjoyed this song, it is so nicely written and feels like a lovely conclusion to this season for you; it’s been a real treat getting to read your writing both throughout this season and the first, and I hope you are proud of the wonderful work you’ve done. Good job, and good luck in the final. @Legend E - Creating Oceans (The Book) I think you have really nicely and maturely explored the sides of an unfortunate friendship here. Choosing to do through the concept of the friendship being its own story book is really clever, and the way you incorporated this idea throughout the song was very nicely used and never felt one note to me. I always enjoy the emotion that you put behind your songs - highlighted in ones like this, Spa Night, and Interviewing Myself - and I would definitely say that is one of your strengths as a writer, you always explore emotions really well and this song feels like another great example of this. It’s always evident that a lot of thought goes into your entries thanks to the breakdowns you give over each section, but with this song in particular it was especially clear to me with how you cleverly told this story and brought in so many metaphors related to writing and storytelling in relation to the friendship, and honestly for me every single one of them hit; really well thought out and creatively done. I would say in general that the writing in this song is strong, but there are specifically a few lines I want to point out and praise you for which I really think punched: the second to last line in the second chorus (very poignant), the last two lines of the third verse (ouch!), and lines 4-6 of the third chorus (the ego says: is that a reference to me?!). Really good stuff. Overall, I think you are ending the season on another strong note, and it’s been a great season for you overall, I’ve loved getting to see your writing and how it’s grown from the beginning of season 1 to now, and I hope through the experience you’ve really enjoyed yourself and are proud of what you’ve written! @worldwide angel - nevermore Whew, I was not expecting a song like this from you! Maybe it’s just me, or the interpretation that I have based on your prior entries, but I’ve come to associate your writing more with sweetness and ethereal feeling, and this is like the total opposite of that. It’s nice to see actually because I think it shows some diversity and your willingness to switch things up as a writer. Right from the very beginning you go in with some really hard hitting lines, I mean the opening lyric itself “i hope you choke” goes straight there and I think it’s really strong and powerful at putting you exactly in the emotional place that you were intended, based on your explanation of the song. The concept and the emotion behind the song is really complex but I appreciated how you explored it throughout this song, it overall has a very angsty feel to it but focuses more on the hurt as opposed to the melodrama of it which is good. Now, if I am to be totally honest, it’s probably not my favourite of your entries throughout this season, but I do think it’s a really interesting and nice end to the season for you. Overall, you’ve been such an amazing addition to this season; right from the beginning I was instantly impressed with Eternal and you’ve consistently kept up this high standard and submitted some fantastic songs (minus the round that you missed) so I hope you are really proud of what you’ve written and have enjoyed your experience this season. It’s been a pleasure to get to see your writing, and hopefully we get to see you again come Season 3! @Augmented - The Surrender Honestly it was very sad for me to read your explanation of this song; both of the subject matter and the story, and also how you feel towards this song and your performance this season. I want to say right off the bat, that this has definitely not been a rocky season for you. I can say that definitively. Even if I am just speaking from a personal viewpoint, I can say that there is only one round I have given you anything less than a 9 (it’s probably a no brainer which one that was) and otherwise you’ve had high scoring from me and have consistently impressed me. If I am to look at it from a factual viewpoint too, the point still stands. Your songs consistently have scored really great (again, minus Rule the Game, but a slip up like that is nothing unusual) and I think you’ll certainly see this and might even be shocked when it comes to the finale and this is all revealed. What I want to make clear, really, is that you shouldn’t feel this way and I’m sorry that you do. You’ve written some brilliant songs this season, and proved your talent as a writer just as seriously as you did in the first season. And you know what? I think this entry itself is proof of this too. Now, like you’ve said, it probably isn’t completely finished and could be taken further; but looking strictly at what is here as opposed to what isn’t here, I am again seriously impressed. This is gut wrenching, even in its current form. Honestly it hits me as deep as songs like When Tradition Falls and Lost did. This is incredibly emotional and brave to write about, to such a degree that I really can see why you did struggle to go any further with it, and I don’t fault you for that at all. Instead, I’m inspired, both at your willingness to go so deep personally, and also to share it with us and to open yourself up like this. It’s incredible, really, and I’m so sorry that you don’t feel or see this to the same degree. What I will say though in spite of this is that you are an amazing writer, seriously, your entries - and this specific one included - have been some of the most touching and affecting that I have had the opportunity to read, and I can’t praise you enough for this. You’ve been a really special presence in this game, both this season and last, and I hope you can be proud of what you have achieved throughout the experience. Regardless, as I hope I’ve made clear, you’re a powerful writer and inspiring person and I absolutely love seeing your writing and getting to experience your viewpoint every time we do, and I hope this message really can make you feel this. Again, you’ve done a wonderful job this season and you should be proud of yourself, and I can only hope we get to see you again in the future.
worldwide angel Posted October 4, 2022 Posted October 4, 2022 thank you @fountain your lovely praise has been a driving force behind my participation, thank you so much
Jackson Posted October 5, 2022 Posted October 5, 2022 On 10/2/2022 at 11:51 PM, Jackson said: I'm anticipating an extremely busy week at work this week, so I've been working on reviews slowly over the weekend to try to get ahead of the deadline. Hopefully this is a nice surprise review release for those that submitted earlier in the week! I'm glad to say this has been another solid round! I plan on updating this post if/as more entries come in, so please keep submitting if you're working on something or feeling inspired! Hide contents @hurricane326 – Your Name You’re back! This piece had everything I love about your writing – I love the way you can take something so common and simple and say it in such a beautiful way. This was immediately evident in “The heavens reaching down to Earth to sprinkle morning dew/I knew it would be an indoor day that wouldn’t take the ache away”. There were a few other standout lines here – I really liked “My mind will play its tricks on me/The keeper of their names”. The emotions here are very tangible, and I appreciate the storyline told through changing light and seasons. My one bit of advice – you’ve used seasons as a storytelling mechanism in a few of your songs this season. Try to play with different ways to portray the passing of time. I still think you’ve executed your story well this round, so it’s not a major issue. I’ve really enjoyed getting to know your writing this season. You’re undoubtedly an incredibly gifted writer, so I’m glad to see you end the season with a song like this. @XO_Life – Evilist I agree that this is the most ambitious, distinctive song you’ve written yet – a very welcome change after last week’s missteps. I like how you opened your song with a small spoken portion. Having various parts sung, rapped, and talked was a creative way to draw contrast between the sections of the song, and I thought it worked well. Your chorus was my favorite part of the song. Even though you altered lyrics in each chorus, you kept each one interesting, and the repeat “evilist, you narcissist/egotist” hook was super catchy. I initially thought each verse could work as a rap section, but you really showed off your bars in verse three with the internal rhyming and wordplay – I just wish it was longer considering it would’ve been maybe 15 seconds if rapped. I also appreciated how you repeated lines from each chorus at the end of the song. The song was strong enough on its own that I didn’t think the outro song was totally necessary, but I appreciate the ambition and it did add some additional color to the entry. This was probably my favorite song of yours this season – way to end on a high note! @Hug – Deep in the Expanse Wow, almost perfection. Leaving your best song for last, how iconic. In a way, writing a song about how you have nothing to write about is an interesting reflection on your journey this season – you’ve written about some well-explored topics, some quite original ones, and now about having nothing to write about. It’s difficult to write something metaphorical and poetic while still retaining the raw emotion behind it, but I think you pulled it off here. You make the place in your mind that you can’t escape feel real rather than figurative, which just adds to the weight of the lyrics. Since I can’t highlight individual lines I loved, just know that pretty much all of them were excellent. I can only say that I loved this so many ways – you’ve written something truly special this week. @Euterpe – My New Birthday This is definitely camp! Admittedly, I’m not a huge Halloween person but I can appreciate a fun, holiday themed song. It was a pretty fun read, even if not the most emotionally gripping, but I don’t think that’s necessary for every song. The second chorus especially was incredibly enjoyable – I loved “Ripping apart like prickly pins/The only one who knew/Was the moon, sky, and darkest night too”. There were a few forced rhymes, notably “galore/bore” and “leaving/breathing”. The spoken sections were also a bit jarring for me personally, but perhaps they just added to the campy, unserious nature of the song. This may not be my favorite song from you this season, but it feels like you had a lot of fun writing it, and that really came across – so in that way I’d deem it a success! @Julia Fox – the knife that changed it all This is probably one of the most emotionally raw songs I’ve read this entire season – even realizing that it isn’t entirely autobiographical, as you state in your additional information, it feels very personal and real, and that shows the level of skill you possess. The level of emotion crescendos dramatically throughout the song until the very last line. As I’ve said in the past, I love the way you include tiny moments and details in your songs that seem insignificant individually but work beautifully in the storyline to build emotion. My favorite of these is “and i wouldn’t had waited 3 hours for you to open the door of the apartment/screaming and cursing you cause’ i forgot the keys”. I’m glad you toned down some of the more abstract metaphors – I don’t think the song was missing anything without them, and it kept the lyrics more raw. There were a few distracting grammatical errors, most notably “in heat” (look up what that means if you don’t know), but overall I thought this was one of, if not the best song you’ve submitted this season. @Legend E – Creating Oceans (The Book) Writing a song about writing a story was a unique choice – I think it worked well given the structure of your song. While it still felt lyrical, there was a strong storytelling element here. I also should note that everything here made sense to me. In past rounds, there have often been moments were I didn’t quite catch onto your metaphors without reading your additional information, but your language here was quite accessible. The strongest part of this entry were the lyrics discussing the writing of the story, or metaphorical links between the story and the friendship. The titular line is probably my favorite. The birthday/cake lines didn’t feel entirely necessary – I think there could have been more compelling settings to portray the ending of the friendship, although I did appreciate the gift bit. It was perhaps a bit of a wasted opportunity to write in such a storybook-type way, as I think this missed some of the magic of your more metaphorical, songlike writing, but it did satisfy fountain’s challenge well. You continued to showcase your songwriting talents here, and I’ve seen a lot of growth from you this season. Great job overall. @worldwide angel – nevermore This is quite a different tone from most of your material this season, and I appreciate that willingness to take a risk, especially in the final round. The unabashed vitriol is tangible from the first “I hope you choke”. Structurally, I like how you approached the challenge. Using meter to portray a sense of repetition while using completely different lyrics was a smart way to ensure your song still felt lyrical while adding a more free-flowing, poetic element. After reading your other information section and then reading through the lyrics a second time, I don’t pick up on anything that specifically links the theme to generational trauma or familial rage. I think this could work just as well as a song about an abusive relationship or a strained friendship. I think adding some specific details or references to family members would have strengthened the emotional resonance even more. There’s definitely a time for writing universal songs that readers can insert themselves into, but I think this is a piece that would have benefitted from additional depth and detail. Regardless, you came into this game with a fully formed, skilled style of writing, and I’ve come to look forward to your entries – a potential future winner, perhaps? @Augmented – The Surrender Not you essentially surrendering in your other information section – how meta. Obviously, this is fairly short, and you mentioned that you didn’t really have the opportunity to write something you considered a full song. I think this does work as a sort of interlude – not necessarily the conclusion to a trilogy you were originally aiming for, but a bridge to a more confessional song. Despite the length of this, it actually does a great job of building tension, and I can feel the anxiety and anticipation building. From a challenge standpoint, it seems as if there’s three different voices portrayed here. I think the first two are fairly similar, and seem to be representing the same person, but the mom dialogue, even if brief, showcased exactly what I was looking for, as it allowed the song to leave your head and become a more tangible conversation. I think this is the start of something great – it’s obviously not finished, but I hope you do finish it. I’d love to see it if you do, assuming you’re at least marginally satisfied with it. @beatinglikeadrum – alcohol dependence syndrome/abandoned child syndrome Not your rushed entry being over 700 words you know you don’t HAVE to write that much. Despite the length, it didn’t feel overly cumbersome due to the conversational, storytelling nature of the song. The line lengths, long sections, and lack of structure made this feel like less of a song, but it perfectly fits fountain’s challenge, so I can’t fault you for it! I think having two perspectives added a lot of depth to the story. Showing two siblings that responded very differently to the same trauma was a great way to show some of the intricacies associated with growing up in an abusive environment. My favorite line was “Like Jesus, you changed the water from your tears into deceptive wine” – this was a fascinating way to reinforce the alcoholism theme. I do think there was a lot that could have been cut or edited here, particularly in the second verse, but it was a fairly solid entry for something you described as rushed. I think you may be the contestant that’s shown the most growth this season, so I hope you’ve enjoyed participating as much as I’ve enjoyed seeing your progression. @TruGemini – Applause If anyone was going to attempt every challenge, we thought it would be you – and I’m happy to see you go for it! I think anyone could have found a way to cobble together an entry with traces of each challenge, but your approach was truly ambitious. I think each challenge provided a bit of strength to your entry. While the formal rap section was pretty brief, I could see the majority of this song being rapped due to the longer line lengths and meter of the song. While I could see this being an internal dialogue from the beginning, I still think having two voices allowed the song to have some emotional variety and kept things interesting despite the length of the song. While the varied choruses and free structure fit 8th and fountain’s challenges, this still had a very lyrical element to it, which I appreciated. I liked how the shortest, most melodic section of the song came at the end. It’s an unusual place to put a hook, but I think it was a great place to tie together the song and leave a lasting impression. There were some places that felt less necessary to the story, and the self-empowerment theme bordered on cheesy at times, but I think the scope, ambition, and delivery of this displayed a near mastery of your craft. I’m happy to see you go out on a season best. @Remmy – Being Myself Strangely, I don’t think I’ve seen a showtune submitted in one of these tournaments before. It was certainly an original take on the challenge! I think your chorus was quite strong, and I especially enjoyed the title line. I’ll admit that I’m not a huge musical person myself, but this absolutely fits into that type of format, from the over the top emotions to the kitschy self-empowerment themes. Because of that, it’s not incredibly believable as a self-empowerment song, but quite believable as something that fits into a play. It may not be my favorite song you’ve submitted this season, but it’s incredibly original and was quite fun to read! @JoeAg – Eleventh Hour If I had a quarter for every song this season that used the word “mote”, I would have three quarters. But it’s interesting that they would all come from you. Anyway – I loved the premise of this song. Not to make this review about me, but growing up in an extremely religious household, God was always a source of fear for me. As I’ve grown older, I’ve realized that “God” isn’t necessarily one being, but each individual’s higher power that they call upon for strength or comfort or when something doesn’t make sense. Using something that typically invokes pain for most queer people as a sign of hope was refreshing. I feel like your second stanza was perhaps a bit of a reaction to all of our reviews saying we have no idea wtf you’re ever talking about, but I understood the “he” to be God before I got to that line, actually, so great job building a world and inviting us into it. Everything here actually made a lot of sense to me, and I felt like each line built up a piece of the story. Beyond the calls to a deity, the idea of wanting to run away despite not knowing how a parent will react to their child’s sexuality was also well written, and quite relatable. Honestly, I found a lot of this song to be extremely relatable – I could see myself in a good portion of the lyrics, even when they didn’t directly apply. I think that’s a sign of your strength in both writing emotive lyrics and storytelling. You and Julia Fox both have a similarly strong ability to add color through hyper-specific references, and I think you both took that ability to new levels this week. Lines like “we lay there, aroused, freezing our asses off” and “we’ll **** off to the southwest” are things only you could pull off, and I absolutely adore them in the context of the song. I’ve quite enjoyed most of your songs this season, but this is my absolute favorite. It has your trademark intellectualism and quirkiness, but it also has a unique sense of refinement and elegance. Very well done. @Remmy @JoeAg updated with your reviews
fountain Posted October 5, 2022 Posted October 5, 2022 Round 6: The Mix n Match Final, Part 3 @beatinglikeadrum - alcohol dependence syndrome/abandoned child syndrome This is a bit of a mix for me. On one hand, you can kind of tell that the song is somewhat rushed, while it tells a story it doesn’t really develop into anything, as in the story doesn’t really have a conclusion to it, which does make it seem somewhat like an idea that came in a moment and was written quickly after, as opposed to something thought out and conceptualised. On the other hand, for what it is, it’s still pretty impressive. I’ve said this before because you’ve submitted rushed songs similarly before, but for something rushed it does still show your creativity and honestly your writing skill shines through regardless. It’s a shame that you couldn’t write something that you were fully proud of or could work on for longer as your final entry, but I will choose to focus on what is here as opposed to what isn’t here, and I think you’ve demonstrated your strong writing capability despite the overall piece being rushed. In general it’s quite funny, your entries have been kind of all over the place this season, from scoring super high with a song like C13H16N202, and then songs that didn’t so well lik Cock-a-doodle-do, and in this way you’ve kept us on our toes. We never really know what to expect from you, whether we might be about to read a literal masterpiece, or something more irreverent. Regardless though you’ve really shown some amazing writing throughout this season so I definitely think you should be proud of yourself, of course even earning yourself a number 1, so ultimately you’ve done a great job and should be proud of that. I’d love to see you return again next season, with a little bit better time management I can see you dominating a season! @TruGemini - Applause First things first I’m shocked to see you write without the use of an instrumental! I know you mentioned earlier in the season that you always write to instrumentals and sometimes struggle to write without use of one, so I really appreciate and am happy to see you write this song with less focus on an instrumental! I did want to comment on that earlier when you mentioned it and try and push you to attempt to write a song relying on one less, but I also didn’t want to overstep at all or try to push you in a way that might not be beneficial, so I decided against it. The fact that you’ve chosen to do so on your own regardless without this feedback shows to me your dedication to writing and also how ambitious this entry is for you. Now, it would’ve been quite ambitious alone for you to write most of it without an instrumental, but to also interpret all four challenges is just even more impressive. But of course, we’ve seen you do this before, so if anybody was going to of course it would be you! I really, really appreciate it and I’m impressed at how you’ve really strived to make this song special. And, it is special. It’s very clear throughout that you put a lot of effort into this, and to put it simply, I really loved the song. While it is full of ambition it never pushes this too far, the song on its own without all of these factors added to it is still strong in itself. The story that you tell here is really moving, and I thought the concept was absolutely lovely. Personally I found the self empowered to be more sweet and touching as opposed to corny, and the line between the two can be very delicate, but I think you succeeded in pulling it off maturely and white poignantly. As usual your lyricism throughout the song is really strong and full of your style and flair which we have all come to love, to specifically point out a few examples that I really loved and touched me: “death at 22 my baby that path wasn’t suited”, “you are the music”, “Together? Me and you. Heh… that’d be cool”. The central theme of the applause worked really well with the concept and the story that you were telling and frankly, yes, you do deserve some applause and hopefully you are feeling it from this review! Finally, I really appreciated the delicate topic that this song dealt with, I thought it was powerful and moving that you wrote such a lovely and beautiful song about this, and I definitely think you should be proud of yourself. I’ve absolutely loved getting the chance to see your writing both throughout this season and the first, your entries are always so fun to read and full of your unique charm that is so enjoyable and easy to read. I hope we get to see it again. @Remmy - Being Myself Omg we’ve unlocked a new Remmy, the musical Remmy! You know what, in all the time that I’ve hosted and judged these ATRL songwriting games, I can’t from memory remember any occasion when we’ve had a song written to be a musical number like this, and it’s kinda a shame because there are so many iconic songs like this! It’s always a shame because, if this example is anything to go by… I love it. This was literally so much fun. I think, interestingly, with this being the penultimate song of the season, the entry really does play out as the musical number you’ve envisioned because I am reading it as I come to the end of judging, while it would appear it the musical as you come to the end of that too, and it’s such an interesting and fun parallel that I just had to mention! Now for this song itself, I literally don’t think I could have enjoyed this more. It’s so unexpected getting a song like this, especially from yourself, but my god did it pay off. I had so much fun reading this. I can picture it perfectly, and the whole thing plays out exactly in the way you intended it. Beyond the actual style of the song, it’s also really well written too. I can’t fault it, it fits the theme perfectly and also the concept of it being a musical number between these two people; I think in another outcome it could have felt corny or something, but I think you totally pulled it off and that it actually only strengthens the entry. I really ate this up. Such a surprising and good job. Overall it’s been really fun seeing your entries the few times that you’ve been able to submit, it’s a shame you did have to miss a few rounds but totally understandable and… of course… there’s always next season if we might be blessed with your presence again! No but really, it’s always fun having you around and I think similarly to season 1 you’ve ended once again with your best song. Great job. @JoeAg - Eleventh Hour Here we are… the final song of Season 2. No pressure! Luckily, it seems we are ending on a high note. A very high note… I absolutely adored this. This is everything that I love about your writing. Such a beautiful, heartwarming and deep story, accompanied by such vivid and stunning lyricism. Frankly, I didn’t know what to expect after your post about having to rush another song out… but you know what? There’s not a hint of it in the song. In fact it’s the contrary, this reads as so well thought out, complex and planned, and I have no idea how long you must have spent on it, but based on your post I imagine it’s less time than I would expect while reading it, and I’m really impressed. It’s not the best method for writing in my personal opinion, but god you’ve done a stellar job of it here. To be honest, I loved literally every single part of this song, and I think it’s probably my favourite from you this season, and likely one of my favourite songs in general from this season. I was truly just so enthralled in this story you were telling, which was so delicately painted through your beautiful words, and I enjoyed it from the very beginning to the very end. Really, what a wonderful song. A few absolutely stunning lyrics I have to specifically point out and praise you for: “Are you our home or just the blanket by the creek?”, “But what if we were these two men in another county, another state; ****, another country”, “Between you and I, God, nothing feels better than my man stroking my forearm” wow just WOW, so beautiful and unabashed. Overall I’m consistently impressed by your writing, but you’ve definitely had some absolute standouts this season: this, Tyto Alba and It’s Your Shade of Blue Now each were so beautiful and impressed me so much and I think you should be really proud of yourself. Coincidentally, they also each are a 10 from me, spoiler alert. Just hoping that this makes it clear how much I’ve adored getting to see these songs, and your writing in general. It’s always a pleasure, and we’ll be lucky if we get to see more from you again. Thanks for ending the season, and ending my judging of all these songs, on a really delightful note.
fountain Posted October 5, 2022 Posted October 5, 2022 and there it is, every song of Season 2 done I’m really so proud of you all and the many, many beautiful and inspiring songs that you have created throughout this season. I’m also really grateful that you have been willing to share them with us, hear our thoughts on them, and have submitted throughout the season. It really is our pleasure, and again, you should all (and when I say all, I mean all) be immensely proud of yourselves and your creations.
ATRL Moderator Legend E Posted October 5, 2022 ATRL Moderator Posted October 5, 2022 2 minutes ago, fountain said: and there it is, every song of Season 2 done I’m really so proud of you all and the many, many beautiful and inspiring songs that you have created throughout this season. I’m also really grateful that you have been willing to share them with us, hear our thoughts on them, and have submitted throughout the season. It really is our pleasure, and again, you should all (and when I say all, I mean all) be immensely proud of yourselves and your creations. omg the emotions
fountain Posted October 5, 2022 Posted October 5, 2022 14 minutes ago, Legend E said: omg the emotions Golden Hit most emo game yup
JoeAg Posted October 5, 2022 Posted October 5, 2022 On 10/2/2022 at 10:51 PM, Jackson said: @JoeAg – Eleventh Hour If I had a quarter for every song this season that used the word “mote”, I would have three quarters. But it’s interesting that they would all come from you. Anyway – I loved the premise of this song. Not to make this review about me, but growing up in an extremely religious household, God was always a source of fear for me. As I’ve grown older, I’ve realized that “God” isn’t necessarily one being, but each individual’s higher power that they call upon for strength or comfort or when something doesn’t make sense. Using something that typically invokes pain for most queer people as a sign of hope was refreshing. I feel like your second stanza was perhaps a bit of a reaction to all of our reviews saying we have no idea wtf you’re ever talking about, but I understood the “he” to be God before I got to that line, actually, so great job building a world and inviting us into it. Everything here actually made a lot of sense to me, and I felt like each line built up a piece of the story. Beyond the calls to a deity, the idea of wanting to run away despite not knowing how a parent will react to their child’s sexuality was also well written, and quite relatable. Honestly, I found a lot of this song to be extremely relatable – I could see myself in a good portion of the lyrics, even when they didn’t directly apply. I think that’s a sign of your strength in both writing emotive lyrics and storytelling. You and Julia Fox both have a similarly strong ability to add color through hyper-specific references, and I think you both took that ability to new levels this week. Lines like “we lay there, aroused, freezing our asses off” and “we’ll **** off to the southwest” are things only you could pull off, and I absolutely adore them in the context of the song. I’ve quite enjoyed most of your songs this season, but this is my absolute favorite. It has your trademark intellectualism and quirkiness, but it also has a unique sense of refinement and elegance. Very well done. ahhhh thank you so much! you hit the nail on the head with the part about the second stanza doubling its meaning as addressing all y'all, and i'm glad you were able to relate to certain aspects of it
JoeAg Posted October 5, 2022 Posted October 5, 2022 5 hours ago, fountain said: @JoeAg - Eleventh Hour Here we are… the final song of Season 2. No pressure! Luckily, it seems we are ending on a high note. A very high note… I absolutely adored this. This is everything that I love about your writing. Such a beautiful, heartwarming and deep story, accompanied by such vivid and stunning lyricism. Frankly, I didn’t know what to expect after your post about having to rush another song out… but you know what? There’s not a hint of it in the song. In fact it’s the contrary, this reads as so well thought out, complex and planned, and I have no idea how long you must have spent on it, but based on your post I imagine it’s less time than I would expect while reading it, and I’m really impressed. It’s not the best method for writing in my personal opinion, but god you’ve done a stellar job of it here. To be honest, I loved literally every single part of this song, and I think it’s probably my favourite from you this season, and likely one of my favourite songs in general from this season. I was truly just so enthralled in this story you were telling, which was so delicately painted through your beautiful words, and I enjoyed it from the very beginning to the very end. Really, what a wonderful song. A few absolutely stunning lyrics I have to specifically point out and praise you for: “Are you our home or just the blanket by the creek?”, “But what if we were these two men in another county, another state; ****, another country”, “Between you and I, God, nothing feels better than my man stroking my forearm” wow just WOW, so beautiful and unabashed. Overall I’m consistently impressed by your writing, but you’ve definitely had some absolute standouts this season: this, Tyto Alba and It’s Your Shade of Blue Now each were so beautiful and impressed me so much and I think you should be really proud of yourself. Coincidentally, they also each are a 10 from me, spoiler alert. Just hoping that this makes it clear how much I’ve adored getting to see these songs, and your writing in general. It’s always a pleasure, and we’ll be lucky if we get to see more from you again. Thanks for ending the season, and ending my judging of all these songs, on a really delightful note. thanks so much!!! I'm glad you liked those lyrics, I was especially proud of the blanket by the creek one, that sort of feeling feels so sacred and I thought capturing it in a song like this would really bring it to the next emotional level
XO_Life Posted October 5, 2022 Posted October 5, 2022 16 hours ago, fountain said: and there it is, every song of Season 2 done I’m really so proud of you all and the many, many beautiful and inspiring songs that you have created throughout this season. I’m also really grateful that you have been willing to share them with us, hear our thoughts on them, and have submitted throughout the season. It really is our pleasure, and again, you should all (and when I say all, I mean all) be immensely proud of yourselves and your creations.
Remmy Posted October 5, 2022 Posted October 5, 2022 ummm i think my coin is haunted... i could use a new one when the R6 results come around! (also I'll reply to critiques later I'm lazy right now nn)
fountain Posted October 5, 2022 Posted October 5, 2022 1 hour ago, Remmy said: ummm i think my coin is haunted... i could use a new one when the R6 results come around! (also I'll reply to critiques later I'm lazy right now nn)
JoeAg Posted October 6, 2022 Posted October 6, 2022 for those who wanted to read my final song of the season, here it is… Spoiler And he asks me: “you’re sure he won’t know?” Of course he won’t know, we can be free in my house while your mom is gone Okay but what if she comes home in the thick of it? Then we’ll ask him to come by and explain it! Who is he, you might ask Why, our God of course, the man looking down and consummating our trust But why can’t he know? Well, are you ready for him to? I think I am, are you? I am, dear James, we can ask him to embrace it now Dear God, do you know why we call? Do you breathe smoke when we rescind our catastrophes? Are you our home or just the blanket by the creek? We lay there, aroused, freezing our asses off But we found religion cradled in each other’s arms But what if your mom catches us, then what? Well we’ll kick it, we’ll f*ck off to the southwest Hold each other in the desert, under the stars instead of on this affluent terrace You know how privileged we are for you to even suggest such a thing? Of course, and that’s the moral we always feel We look at each other and there’s no guilt But if we were these two men but in another county, another state F*ck, another country, where we’d be admonished or beaten within seconds– Don’t consider that right now, we have this night to ourselves Dear God, do you see why we stall? We’re nothing but specks but do you hear our calls? Are you our palace, do we even deserve that much? We stand here, frustrated, freezing but still mighty And we found religion in the cracks, in the sidewalks Do you think we could better ourselves after we leave? Well of course we can, we’re only in the first hour The eleventh hour is where we’ll make a real difference in the grand scheme I think I hear her, do you remember that light being turned on? Right now, as we’re standing in the foyer, still cold from that damn creek… You don’t need to narrate it, Joe, we’re not in your soliloquy Oh sh*t that’s her, let’s run Let’s run dear James, run to your Jeep and then to the open road Dear God, did you hear her calling? The moon is but a spotlight, lighting our new adventures as we roll And yet, did we even need to leave in a hurry? What if James’ mother had accepted us as a couple? What if the affluenza that burdened us veiled us too? We should have given her more of a chance, but James would disagree But between you and I, God, nothing feels better than my man stroking my forearm As I drive us blindly in the night We trade places every few hours The road is our home now And we can go anywhere as long as we want Our freedom will fleet as we grow old But for now, James and Joe are behind the headlights And all the memories of the past 24 hours feel permanent and visceral The cold creek, the tales of a neglectful mother, a fleece blanket God in the mote in the sunset Me and James being the best of friends and now the best of lovers And we can envelop each other in the mist And we can smoke weed in the desert dust Blend in with our surroundings, for a change And now, James and Joe are the infinite heroes of the road And the road belongs to us… enjoy
fountain Posted October 6, 2022 Posted October 6, 2022 So just to give a little update, we are trying to finalise the time for the finale tomorrow and it’s currently looking like it’ll be either 8 or 9PM EST I’ll of course tag everybody and announce it properly once it’s confirmed, but I thought I’d make a post in the mean time for anybody who sees this first
Galah Posted October 6, 2022 Author Posted October 6, 2022 8 hours ago, fountain said: Wow slay with the name change @StormFury Serving #newera #rebrand. We love to see it.
Galah Posted October 6, 2022 Author Posted October 6, 2022 Hey, Hitmakers! This is it... the final reviews of the season. It's been such a great one full of plenty of highs, new talent, new records, and new #1s. While we're still trying to Mix N Match the ideal timeline for our upcoming live finale results show, be sure that it's not one that you'll want to miss! If there is anything in your review that you do not wish to have public (lyric excerpts, references to your material etc.) I will remove it upon request. 1. @XO_Life - “Evilist” / “Evilist (After Thoughts)” Well done on being the first to submit for our last challenge! With a double entry of sorts at that. This was a very strong submission, rivalling only “Only Ones Who Know” from your catalogue in my opinion. I loved your use of structure and how you not only took the ‘Golden Bars’ challenge aspect and ran with it, but built your song around this so completely with transitional rap-talked sections between the sung verses and rapped verse, as well as integrating spoken word elements which all really felt like they belonged in this piece. You even had a standout lyric with, “it all disappeared the moment I followed your gaslight into the dark cold night,” but there was plenty more to love here also. The morphing choruses were done well and conveyed the desired narrative progression nicely. The rap was a little on the shorter side for my personal liking, but I think you integrated enough rap-talked elements throughout to compensate for this. I will say, I don’t think the “After Thoughts” section has too much of an impact on this piece, as it was already strong as-is, but it certainly doesn’t detract, and I could see it serving well as a post-song or music video interlude. Overall, this was a triumphant way to end your season, I’m so glad we got to see your writing and I hope we will continue to do so in Season 3! 2. @Hug - “Deep in the Expanse” I’m glad you changed your mind about not wanting reviews because hun, this is not your first rodeo. I was ready to LASH. Chile, anyways. Despite your incessant desire to (unsuccessfully) attempt to convince us that you’re a talentless hack with no original voice or will to write, this is another remarkably strong offering from you, and is one of very few songs from any writer that has resonated with me so personally. The scream I scrumpt when I saw the blank page and thought you’d written in white text or something, you mad genius. I want to break this song down stanza by stanza because I enjoyed all of them and want to really express why. The use of ellipsis in the first stanza… perfectly purposeful. The “white flag” imagery without even needing to mention any buzzwords like “surrender” or “war” yet it was so vivid what you were conveying… mind of a mastermind. Your feet being stuck while your heart races, almost a throwback nod to the Dreamscape challenge… loved it. Your word choices such as “stabbing” and “blinding” perfectly accompany the imagery you want to convey. Onto the next verse: the muffled whisper being your battle cry because it’s better than silence… no words (bonus praise for the brilliant “torrential winds” lyric!) “A bloody mess is better than having nothing left at all,” YES IT IS! Your second chorus essentially being a reflection of your time not only in GH but in all ATRL writing tournaments… tears in my eyes. The original twist on the, “close with no cigar” idiom… a masterclass on how to use idioms correctly. (The entire outro but most specifically) “I won’t allow myself to succumb to circumstance.” Consider me PUNCHED. I’ve experienced writer’s block before (who hasn’t?) and sometimes I’ve pushed through and conquered it, but not every time. Often when writers declare they are experiencing writer’s block we’ve jokingly said, “Well write a song about that! ” as even the action of writing something can often get the creative muscles working and can lead to something better. For me, this is the epitome of a perfect writer’s block anthem. I won’t say I consider it to be a lyric-for-lyric perfect song (minor things like using “void” twice in the first verse and chorus were a little jarring) but I think that adds to the charm of it being a song about overcoming writer’s block a bit, since the limitations of your current state of mind are shining through. Plus, there’s enough 11/10 one-liners in this piece to balance any minor qualms like that out for me. Sorry not sorry for the essay, consider my wig lost deep in the expanse of the void, and I honestly don’t care if I never get it back. 3. @Euterpe - “My New Birthday” I’ve just recently had a birthday, so this is appropriate for me. This was such a marvellous surprise! You’ve shown so much versatility this season in comparison with Season 1, and I don’t know if that’s your growth as a writer or just you feeling more comfortable with us as reviewers, but either way I’m absolutely here for it. The range you’ve shown from the vulnerability and strength of “Wasteland” to your psychological understanding in “Five Stages” to this camp Halloween bop. Inspiring! While I can’t say this is my top favourite submission from you this season (a tough act given you’ve submitted so many gems), it’s definitely the most fun I’ve had reading one of your songs! The little whispered sections added so much character and charismatic charm to this piece. I screamed at “Not on a phone,” ‘Santa Baby’ who? This is making me want to do a post-season Halloween challenge in the ATRL Songwriter’s Thread (what do you think, @fountain?) as I fail to see how this wouldn’t be a chart-topper in such a round. Even in this one, it’s definitely going to be one of the most unique and cleverly composed. It’s been such a pleasure having you as part of the Golden Hit community and seeing you go from strength to strength throughout the tournaments. I look forward to seeing many future masterpieces from you! 4. @Julia Fox - “the knife that changed it all” Not you making me think Ivan had d-worded… hun. While I still think you should have closed the chapter on Ivan with the very fitting “The Last Time I Saw You (Ivan’s song)”, I understand inspiration is unpredictable sometimes and just when we think those feelings are gone, they can spring back to life unexpectedly. (I’ve written plenty of songs loosely inspired by events that predated them by many, many years.) As part of the Ivan chronicles, I think this is definitely up there with one of your better works. It’s interesting to highlight how a single object could have had such a profound impact on the trajectory of both of your lives, although I think it could have been even more unique and interesting if that object wasn’t as obviously damaging as a knife—something small and insignificant setting off a chain of events that end in a similar outcome would have been jaw-dropping, for example. The standout lyric of this piece for me was the simple but effective “now none of my wishes will come true / because they all involved you,” which was lovely. The “cats begging us to be fed” lyric was another one that stuck out to me, and I can’t decide if it’s messy or genius, but it definitely made me move a bit. Once again, it’s been a pleasure seeing your submissions this season, and I definitely feel like you’ve gotten a lot out of Golden Hit and continue to surprise us. I’ll never forget “vintage”, as it really was the perfect song for Ms. Audrey Onyx, and hope you return in Season 3 to continue to be thee muse! 5. @StormFury - “Their Names” It’s no secret that your rankings have taken a bit of a hit in the past couple rounds, whether that be due to increasingly strong competition or otherwise, but I definitely see that turning around for you with this final entry of the season. This was generously sprinkled with that magical essence from your submissions during the first half of the season! From the very first couplet, I knew we were in for a treat. I think the interpretation of the duet challenge was rather original, utilising a “voice in your head” as the secondary voice, and I think you made it work about as well as one could. Creative! Your knack for vivid imagery and explosive bursts of lyrical genius are definitely on show throughout this piece, and while there’s too many one-liners to highlight, “I love following the blazing sun flashing through my gaze / As we race beside the trees that form a lightshow maze,” and, “And as those rays shine down, will you raise your arms to the sky? / You've been so reluctant to stop asking why,” were particularly impactful. The exclamations (“too hot/bright/much/dark”) were a nice motif to assist the morphing choruses also. It may seem so to you, but I wouldn’t agree that it’s particularly self-explanatory, but I enjoyed conjuring up potential interpretations for this piece regardless. At risk of making your last couple of submissions sound bad (they weren’t), this was definitely a return to form of sorts and I have thoroughly enjoyed your submissions this season even more than in Season 1. I can’t wait to see what else you bring to the table in Golden Hit’s future! 6. @Legend E - “Creating Oceans (The Book)” Another rather art pop offering from you, I see. Like many of your other entries, I can’t fault your creativity in inventing these high art concepts and methods for conveying human relationships (such as divorce in “Talk of the Town” or abandonment in “Spa Night”). Obviously these two songs received a vastly different response and I think there is definitely a threshold between intriguing and almost convoluted that you often dance between. This song itself is no exception—the spoken intro could have been left off in all honesty, I don’t think it added anything substantial. The general vibe of the first half of the song is lovely, but it’s lacking any real details that I can latch onto and get excited by. Why is the relationship toxic? The only real example we are given is the lack of a birthday gift in fifteen years of tumultuous friendship. Your third chorus felt like it was from a different piece entirely: it was absolutely brilliant and I felt every word. While obviously far from “utter trash”, I’m sensing this has a strong sentimental value to you and that’s worth more than any critique. If you were interested in broadening your accessibility, letting us in on a few specific details (however minor or exaggerated) can really elevate a piece of writing such as this. You’ve definitely submitted some of my personal favourite submissions over these past two seasons of Golden Hit, and I look forward to seeing whatever else you would like to share with us in the future. 7. @worldwide angel - “nevermore” Ms. Swift is shook! This was quite an interesting one for me in all honesty, and I’m not entirely sure where to begin, so I guess I will begin… at the beginning? Your opening line caught me off guard in a good way, I was like, “Oh okay, we’re in for a bit of a sassy moment,” and then we had some nice rhyming going on with violence/silence/rising. I think your interpretation of the free form prompt is possibly not what I would have had in mind, in a sense a lot of the lyricism after this point feels not very lyrical and more strictly conversational. Shorter line lengths seem to be your go-to, which has aided you quite well in several of your submissions. For this piece in particular, I think longer line lengths would have benefited the sort of stream-of-consciousness, free form flow the challenge was calling for, whereas the shorter lines here feel more pointed and calculated. Perhaps it’s just the rambler in me shining through. You’ve been such a welcome addition to the Golden Hit roster this season and I truly hope you return for Season 3! 8. @Augmented - “The Surrender” I’m so sorry you weren’t feeling up to completing this piece, because there’s obvious potential here, but I think this just mustn’t be the right time for you to write this song, and that’s okay. I really do hope you can complete it some day though, and you are able to bring its subject matter to fruition. I was very excited for this entry being the final part of the Battle/Fall/Surrender trilogy, and while it obviously didn’t hit the heights of either of those songs in its incomplete state, there’s still plenty of promise here. Conceptually you definitely have something powerful to work with, and a good framework set up for the potential progression of the piece. I actually wrote a song dealing with a similar theme (which was also written as a “duet”!) titled “17” that I think you may enjoy. If you would like me to send it to you please let me know. Perhaps it could help inspire you or help with anything you may be going through. You’re still one of those writers that I look forward to every week and I eagerly anticipate what new slice of heaven I’ll be presented with, and I hope that continues well into Season 3 and beyond. 9. @beatinglikeadrum - “alcohol dependence syndrome/abandoned child syndrome” You’ve had quite the impressive run this season! From the (almost) top ten hit “Running away from the sun” to the acclaimed top five hit “The King” to your most recent chart-topper “C₁₃H₁₆N₂O₂”, you’ve certainly gone from strength to strength. Despite its occasional language flaws (I’ll address this in a moment), I really enjoyed this entry and find it to be as conceptually adventurous as some of your aforementioned hits. I think this was a clever way to navigate the duet challenge element, and while it definitely satisfies the chorus metamorphosis challenge, I feel it’s also aptly channelling fountain’s free form challenge, satisfying all three options! I’m often able to overlook grammatical inconsistencies and such, but there are quite a few in the second verse that took me out of the immersion a little bit—however the second version was definitely an improvement in this regard. By comparison, the first verse had a lot more emotive pull because you could focus purely on the narrative that was being conveyed. The narrative itself is an interesting and sadly very realistic one, and didn’t come across as rushed at all. I hope we can continue to see your writing develop and flourish in a future season of Golden Hit! 10. @TruGemini - “Applause” Leave it up to you to tackle all four challenges. I’m honestly glad somebody did (because it’s something my extra ass would attempt to do), and I’m even more glad that it was you after proving your capabilities with last season’s “Sweet Release”! That said, I don’t think this was as successful of a combination as your last show-stopper, but that really was a high bar to reach. I think the angle of the duet referring to two sides of yourself was solid, as it was when others did it this round, but I think the plot twist style setup and reveal in this song didn’t really work for me outside of if it were a genuine split personality context. Literally serving woman-talking-to-herself-on-subway.gif. I actually didn’t get a whole lot of “song” vibes out of this which is so unlike your usual crisp and evident metre and rhyming. I liked your rap section, but again it was so minimal in the context of the song it only left me wanting more. I could be alone in thinking this, but it actually felt like perhaps there were too many boxes attempting to be ticked with this one, and perhaps just focusing on two or three of the prompts would have benefited this specific song. Conceptually you’re a fearless writer, and I have always enjoyed that from you. I anticipate whatever is next from TruGemini in GH’s future! 11. @Remmy - “Being Myself” And thus, Bronze Hit has officially come to a close. I don’t think anyone has ever submitted a musical theatre song, strictly speaking… so points for being unique! I was lowkey expecting another “Paper Airplane Crashes” or “Family Tree” moment from this title, and while I wouldn’t say it necessarily matches the high heights of those amazing songs, it’s still a pretty nice addition to your more serious subject matter material. The rap sections definitely aren’t what I was picturing for this prompt, but I mean if it adds a nice point of difference to the song, why not? The duet angle is undeniably there and strong, and I like that you’ve played around with the parts throughout rather than just giving them a verse each and calling it a day. Conceptually, you have a point… there’s a lot worse out there. It’s not necessarily the most groundbreaking perspective, but it’s definitely a true one. Your writing is always unexpected and we’ve been lucky to have you submit for us amongst your relocation, I hope next season you compete you are able to commit to a full Golden Hit for us! 12. @JoeAg - “Eleventh Hour” This is such a fitting title for you. And you being the twelfth to submit too… Ms. Swift is shook! (2) (Midnights Version) I don’t know what to say honestly, this is my favourite thing you’ve written for us. It’s so honest and refreshing, it feels conversational yet still lyrical at the same time somehow with the poetic language and vivid imagery conjured up so effortlessly. The way you effortlessly glide between one voice and the next is masterful and feels so genuine. These emotions are so tactile and evident; the fear of being caught, the desire to take the risk, the warmth of body heat cutting through the cold creekside air. Even the more explicit language choices just add another layer of rawness that really capture one’s attention in the best way. Amazing lyrics such as “Hold each other in the desert, under the stars instead of on this affluent terrace” reinforce that this is a song—and a great one at that. The intelligence shown in this song far transcends merely your elevated language choices (I’ve recently used “soliloquies” in a song I’m working on too—I feel seen!) but is evident in the balance of everything culminating in such a perfectly packaged piece of writing written literally at the eleventh hour. For me, this is your new magnum opus, and “Tyto Alba” was my personal #1 of this season’s first round. Amazing work, and as always I look forward to reading (and listening to!) your future material.
ATRL Moderator Legend E Posted October 6, 2022 ATRL Moderator Posted October 6, 2022 Thank you, Aurora! The relationship was definitely not toxic because of the lack of birthday gift, this person's behaviour on that birthday was actually the icing on the cake (but I guess I didn't convey that well or even at all). I mentioned some money issues though. But I agree, I will try to perhaps be a bit more exact and not jump from one timestamp to another. I'm trying not to do it so much but
fountain Posted October 6, 2022 Posted October 6, 2022 13 minutes ago, Aurora said: This is making me want to do a post-season Halloween challenge in the ATRL Songwriter’s Thread (what do you think, @fountain?) Oop, we should! (Even as a self confessed Halloween hater, maybe this could give the event some life for me )
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