tournament Golden Hit: Season 2 📀 Congratulations Hug! 🏆

[XO_Life]

So I basically submitted two songs. 

 

1. The Song

2. A Song about the the first song.

 

This is by far the most I have experimented. This was really out of my comfort zone. I love songs that have at least a small positive message. This one has no positive message at all.

 

My other songs have used some imagery to convey a message but this one is really raw, straight to the point, dark, depressing, a little bit emo and just EVIL. 

 

At this point I would like to thank the judges for their feedback, hard work, positive attitude and an amazing hosting job!

[Hug]

Oh I'm dropping the ball in the finale that's so sad.

[Galah]

Whew, finally finished work for the week, and what a busy week it's been.

 

I just wanted to reaffirm how much I enjoyed the past round of submissions for the "Dreamscape" challenge. This was in my opinion one of the strongest rounds I've seen not only in Golden Hit, but in any writing tournament I've had the pleasure of participating in as a judge. My average score was over 8.5, and was over half a point higher than my previous highest average score. Nobody scored below a 7. Anyone in the top ten could have been in the top five in any other round.  In short: y'all snapped!!

 

I (still) haven't forgotten about the Hit Tokens from R4 and R5, and will be minting them tomorrow! If y'all have any last minute changes/requests please feel free to let me know now, otherwise I will just use whatever you submitted with your entry. @Euterpe@Hug@Augmented@beatinglikeadrum@Element

[Galah]

Thread title and Golden Links updated for archive purposes! I will update again with the Hit Tokens once posted, and update the Rankings & Scores for R4/R5 once they are revealed during the finale results show.

 

On 9/28/2022 at 4:43 PM, TruGemini said:

@fountain Sorry if this has already been asked and answered, but are we allowed to incorporate more than the two required challenges?

***** it's the serve! I knew you were going to be the one to ask about this after "Sweet Release"! I literally said, "Watch TruGemini come through with the free form, morphing chorus rap track from two perspectives," in our judge chat.

 

On 9/28/2022 at 6:31 PM, Remmy said:

Think I found my title & concept  This will be a completely new type of song from me

Coming to close out Golden Bronze Hit in style!

 

20 hours ago, Augmented said:

The Battle - The Fall - The Surrender 

Oh wow oh wow, not a trilogy. @SaintWest Midsummer trilogy from Golden Hit's older cousin Platinum Hit 10.5 is shook!

 

I also have a #1 hit titled "Surrender", so no pressure.

 

14 hours ago, XO_Life said:

So I basically submitted two songs. 

 

1. The Song

2. A Song about the the first song.

 

This is by far the most I have experimented. This was really out of my comfort zone. I love songs that have at least a small positive message. This one has no positive message at all.

 

My other songs have used some imagery to convey a message but this one is really raw, straight to the point, dark, depressing, a little bit emo and just EVIL. 

 

At this point I would like to thank the judges for their feedback, hard work, positive attitude and an amazing hosting job!

I was wondering if anyone was going to do a double entry.  We also discussed this and concluded it would satisfy the challenge, even if not in the way we initially imaged. Looking forward to reading your submission, and thank you for taking a risk and signing up this season! We hope to see you again in S3, whenever that may be.

 

5 hours ago, Hug said:

Oh I'm dropping the ball in the finale that's so sad.

Naur it's false, it's false... not you back to doubting yourself after back-to-back top two hits.  The only thing you better be dropping in this finale is that HEAT.

[XO_Life]

1 hour ago, Aurora said:

Thread title and Golden Links updated for archive purposes! I will update again with the Hit Tokens once posted, and update the Rankings & Scores for R4/R5 once they are revealed during the finale results show.

 

***** it's the serve! I knew you were going to be the one to ask about this after "Sweet Release"! I literally said, "Watch TruGemini come through with the free form, morphing chorus rap track from two perspectives," in our judge chat.

 

Coming to close out Golden Bronze Hit in style!

 

Oh wow oh wow, not a trilogy. @SaintWest Midsummer trilogy from Golden Hit's older cousin Platinum Hit 10.5 is shook!

 

I also have a #1 hit titled "Surrender", so no pressure.

 

I was wondering if anyone was going to do a double entry.  We also discussed this and concluded it would satisfy the challenge, even if not in the way we initially imaged. Looking forward to reading your submission, and thank you for taking a risk and signing up this season! We hope to see you again in S3, whenever that may be.

 

Naur it's false, it's false... not you back to doubting yourself after back-to-back top two hits.  The only thing you better be dropping in this finale is that HEAT.

Well it's still one song...

 

It's like Ciara's One Woman Army. 

 

First there was an interlude to the song and then came the song. 

 

Mine is: First the song and then the outro as a separate song. 

 

The "real" song still combines two challenges. You can ask my neighbours... they had to endure me trying to rap.

 

[fountain]

21 hours ago, XO_Life said:

So I basically submitted two songs. 

 

1. The Song

2. A Song about the the first song.

 

This is by far the most I have experimented. This was really out of my comfort zone. I love songs that have at least a small positive message. This one has no positive message at all.

 

My other songs have used some imagery to convey a message but this one is really raw, straight to the point, dark, depressing, a little bit emo and just EVIL. 

 

At this point I would like to thank the judges for their feedback, hard work, positive attitude and an amazing hosting job!

This sounds really intriguing! Really glad that you tried to experiment for this final entry, I’m excited to see what you wrote 

 

And thank you  it’s always worth it to get to play any small part in the creation process of these great songs. 

[fountain]

On 9/28/2022 at 12:28 AM, hurricane326 said:

Updated!

I just realised I deleted your first submission which had the explanation of your song with it  hadn’t noticed that the second submission didn’t have that part in it 

[fountain]

45 minutes ago, hurricane326 said:

I hate you

 

jk I'll dm you it later

 

thank you, my bad 

[Galah]

10 hours ago, XO_Life said:

Well it's still one song...

 

It's like Ciara's One Woman Army. 

 

First there was an interlude to the song and then came the song. 

 

Mine is: First the song and then the outro as a separate song. 

 

The "real" song still combines two challenges. You can ask my neighbours... they had to endure me trying to rap.

 

Oh, I didn't mean to suggest there was anything wrong with doing a double entry, quite the opposite! We discussed some questions there might be about the challenge and this came up and we decided it would fit, but if your second/main part of the song covers two of the challenges also then that's perfect!

 

Looking forward to reviewing this... especially if you've done the "Golden Bars" challenge.

[XO_Life]

6 minutes ago, Aurora said:

Oh, I didn't mean to suggest there was anything wrong with doing a double entry, quite the opposite! We discussed some questions there might be about the challenge and this came up and we decided it would fit, but if your second/main part of the song covers two of the challenges also then that's perfect!

 

Looking forward to reviewing this... especially if you've done the "Golden Bars" challenge.

It's really just an add on. The add on does not satisfy any of the challenges and is more of an extra...  at me 

 

Golden Bars x

[Galah]

@Hug I see you.  Your token request said "Ask me again if I go top 3" for last round, so this is me doing just that!

[Hug]

16 minutes ago, Aurora said:

@Hug I see you.  Your token request said "Ask me again if I go top 3" for last round, so this is me doing just that!

Help I said this because I had no idea what I wanted and I still don't. You can leave it blank to go with my aesthetic of no single cover for the entry.

[Hug]

Did I just come up with a meta concept?  

[Galah]

21 minutes ago, Hug said:

Help I said this because I had no idea what I wanted and I still don't. You can leave it blank to go with my aesthetic of no single cover for the entry.

Naur, not a blank token.  I can't permit that for... reasons, but I think I have thought of something that complements your song perfectly!

 

And is also a little bit of self-promo for my Platinum Hit debut single "Without You Now".

 

Just now, Hug said:

Did I just come up with a meta concept?  

If "Maid of Windemere", "Checkmate", and "[C:\DIGITAL-DYSTOPIA]" (feat. Alluring Name) are anything to go by... I wouldn't doubt it!

[Hug]

Well I sent.

[Galah]

 

Hey, Hitmakers! It's finally (long overdue) time to award the top three writers of Round 4's Spoken Word challenge with their Hit Tokens. 🗣

You pushed the lyrical limits of what we typically see in these writing tournaments, and three of you left us completely and utterly speechless.

Remember, if you've only just discovered Golden Hit or didn't wish to participate in prior rounds, fear not: sign-ups are still open—just submit!

 

With that, it's time to present the top three of Round 4's Spoken Word challenge with their bonus prizes: the Hit Tokens!

I've reviewed the requests from our trio of top writers for the week, and done my best to grant them for embossment.

 

 

Celebrating a third place triumph with “The Battle”:

@Augmented

Here is your second Bronze Hit Token embossed with your ATRL username and a flame.

Congratulations! This is your second Hit Token of S2, and fourth Hit Token of Golden Hit overall!

 

 

Celebrating a second place success with “[C:\DIGITAL-DYSTOPIA]” (feat. Alluring Name):

@Hug

Here is your Silver Hit Token embossed with your ATRL username and YHVH (from Shin Megami Tensei IV).

Congratulations! This is your second Hit Token of S2, and third Hit Token of Golden Hit overall!

 

 

Celebrating a first place finish with “Wasteland”:

@Euterpe

Here is your Golden Hit Token embossed with your ATRL username and Ariel (from The Little Mermaid).

Congratulations! This is your first Hit Token of S2, and second Hit Token of Golden Hit overall!

 

I hope you all enjoy your Hit Tokens as much as I did making them! Feel free to use them as a forum avatar if you wish, or just let them be a reminder of your time in Golden Hit—ultimately the choice is yours, and if for whatever reason you are dissatisfied with your token or simply wish to change the embossed graphic/text please contact me and I can arrange a remake. Remember, the top writers of each round will earn their own Hit Token just like the three above, so make sure to submit each week for the best chance to claim one of these bonus prizes. 

 

[Galah]

 

Hey, Hitmakers! With Round 4's Hit Tokens finally unveiled, there's no time to rest! It's time to present Round 5's Dreamscape Hit Tokens. 💤

Your songs did anything but put us to sleep, keeping us up all night reviewing them... but three of your songs were truly a dream come true.

Remember, if you've only just discovered Golden Hit or didn't wish to participate in prior rounds, fear not: sign-ups are still open—just submit!

 

With that, it's time to present the top three of Round 5's Dreamscape challenge with their bonus prizes: the Hit Tokens!

I've reviewed the requests from our trio of top writers for the week, and done my best to grant them for embossment.

 

 

Celebrating a third place triumph with “NIGHT VISIONS II: TETRIS HYPNOTIC”:

@Element

Here is your Bronze Hit Token embossed with your ATRL username and Shego (from Kim Possible).

Congratulations! This is your first Hit Token of S2, and second Hit Token of Golden Hit overall (including your S1 judge's token)!

 

 

Celebrating a second place success with “The You I Remember”:

@Hug

Here is your second Silver Hit Token embossed with your ATRL username and someone drowning.

Congratulations! This is your third Hit Token of S2, and fourth Hit Token of Golden Hit overall!

 

 

Celebrating a first place finish with “C₁₃H₁₆N₂O₂”:

@beatinglikeadrum

Here is your Golden Hit Token embossed with your ATRL username and Katy Perry (PRISM era).

Congratulations! This is your first Hit Token of S2, and first Hit Token of Golden Hit overall!

 

I hope you all enjoy your Hit Tokens as much as I did making them! Feel free to use them as a forum avatar if you wish, or just let them be a reminder of your time in Golden Hit—ultimately the choice is yours, and if for whatever reason you are dissatisfied with your token or simply wish to change the embossed graphic/text please contact me and I can arrange a remake. Remember, the top writers of each round will earn their own Hit Token just like the three above, so make sure to submit each week for the best chance to claim one of these bonus prizes. 

 

[Euterpe]

Yes, so cute! Thank you! Ariel will go with my Belle token from last season. 

[Galah]

26 minutes ago, Euterpe said:

Yes, so cute! Thank you! Ariel will go with my Belle token from last season. 

When you get a #2 hit and complete your collection and then Disney sues me 

[Euterpe]

5 minutes ago, Aurora said:

When you get a #2 hit and complete your collection and then Disney sues me 

I'll get you out of it by giving them Candlelight. 

[Galah]

4 minutes ago, Euterpe said:

I'll get you out of it by giving them Candlelight. 

A business woman.

[fountain]

The slays

[Hug]

Hug's Golden Hit Season 2 discography:

 

Lilith

(Ride into the Night)

Checkmate

Welcome to the Club

[C:\DIGITAL-DYSTOPIA] (feat. Alluring Name)

The You I Remember

Deep in the Expanse

 

My penchant for 1 or 4 word titles  Then my special snowflake era where I went a little CRAZY...

[8thPrince]

 

ROUND 6 REVIEWS!

 

...Just kidding! These are the Round 4 reviews I owed you! Deepest apologies, but due to some real life circumstances and babysitting duties, the Round 5 reviews ended up already being on my plate by the time I was still working on the Round 4 ones, so those came out first! But now you'll have a full slate for the season. If you wanted to get a full view of all four judges' opinions on your songs and trajectory thus far while writing/finalizing your finale songs, I hope this helps you!

 

Hurricane326 - Autumn

 

Very nicely composed, as per usual! You easily helped me imagine the fall setting, and I attribute that to the groundedness of the narrative. I like how you’ve shown a slightly different side last round and here, when compared to R1 and R2. There’s a different, but consistent feel. It was also obvious what was the spoken word part, even without any notation. If I do want to level any criticism, I don’t think this is going to be the most inspired use of spoken word in this round (Though this is the first entry, so I may end up wrong!). I was hoping to see uses that advance the plot of the song, or change the context of it in a way that a four bar stanza couldn’t in an orthodox song, but this did seem like just an epilogue attached to a (Admittedly short) song. If this song does have a weakness, it’s that though it’s written very well, there’s not much of a plot, just a description of atmosphere.

 

XO_Life - Only Ones Who Know

 

I feel like you’ve been consistently improving each round, building up to bigger and better songs each time. I liked how you decided to implement spoken word into your song, as a sort of monologue: Yes, it is a bit of an exposition dump, BUT it expresses something that couldn’t be expressed the same way in a structured meter, with some good lines in there, like that about lips being so close that breath can’t fit in. This was definitely the week to show off clever writing like that since you won’t be constrained by making it fit a meter or rhyme scheme. It was a very romantic piece. One thing I’d look at going forward, as I saw it a lot here, is to avoid relying on padding like “I’ve got you, you got me”, “your lips on mine, my lips on yours”, etc. They’re easy ways to hit a line length that feels “right”, but it can become redundant/predictable, and isn’t saying too much new!

 

Allday - Leaving The City

 

To be honest, I do feel like this is a step back from a song of yours I liked, Animal For You back in Round 1. I didn’t have much to latch on to here due to the brevity and vagueness of the song, it’s missing the emotion that inspired Animal and made it stand out from other entries back then. I think it’s a major missed opportunity whenever any breakup song only focuses on the aftermath, but not what actually caused the breakup, and this song falls into that pitfall. Additionally, I think there was a lot more you could’ve done to incorporate spoken word. I’m hoping to see Round 1 Allday in this next challenge!

 

Julia Fox - I Will Know

 

First off, I want to thank you for being willing to share what’s obviously a really personal entry! I hope writing it may have helped sort some things out, even if only a little bit. I like the detailing you’ve put into this, and it makes it a song that only yourself could write. I liked a few standout lines here, such as “you are the last thing i should have on my mind, right now

but I want you there sometimes”. I thought the equal distribution of the spoken lines throughout the song was an interesting choice, that plus the theme sort of give me a “You Were Meant for Me” vibe. It did break immersion for me, having to switch between “this is sung/this is spoken” mode, and I personally think there may have been a more elegant way to use spoken word in this song, as it does come off as regular lines being converted into a spoken line via the formatting, rather than trying to construct a spoken word piece. Regardless of incorporation of theme, I love that you were willing to write this down and sort out your feelings.

 

Kylie Jenner - This Is War

 

I think you’ve done the best job at use of spoken word here: You took advantage of the freedom in structure and rhythm and focused entirely on making something that can be both pleasant to read and easy to understand, as one of these two points usually has to be sacrificed in order to fit the meter in poem/lyric writing. I really loved the outro, as it puts a thematic and atmospheric cap on the song, with some very nice prose. The entire section of “because between the lines of a book’s final page, there is space:/A nothingness so serene that you fantasize about it at night/because it is a place of hope, for new words can be written” was beautiful. But to look at the piece as a whole, I do think the lyrical section was the weakest. I understand how its sparseness works atmospherically with the bleak reality of war, but this was VERY sparse, to the point I don’t have much to grab on to. The spoken word part vastly eclipses it. I think it might’ve worked better to keep the sparseness, but make sure the images of the chorus and verse punched JUST like the spoken word bits. Something more visceral or emotionally devastating, as now the song is two strong bookends with a very scant leaf of paper between it.

 

Hug - [C:\DIGITAL-DYSTOPIA] (feat. Alluring Name)

 

I think you’ve cracked it and achieved what you said you wanted to do: I’ve definitely not read anything like this, and it’s very outside the box. Naturally, I thought it was great. It took advantage of the challenge and had a strong atmosphere (Even divorced from the formatting and music!). And of course, it’s technically excellent, as always. I think the narration was a great choice, as it allowed you to set up a backstory in-universe/in-song, which couldn’t be achieved through normal means. Now, do I wish we had a bridge to fill things out a bit more/bring in a new different feel for contrast? Yes, as I wanted to see more, but I don’t think the song suffers for being kept a bit shorter! All in all, very nice work. I especially love the Tower of Babel line.

 

Better Mistakes - Cruel World

 

“You have fixed my Life – however short.” Wow that was a great line. Everything continuing on from that was great as well. You definitely took advantage of the freedom that spoken word can give to a song, and I think drawing inspiration from a poet was a great direction. The song gave me a post-rock, Swans sort of vibe in a way, with the eloquent spoken passages interspersed among the more minimal sung passages. I do think that became a disadvantage, however: While I thought the spoken word bits were wonderfully written, and above average, the “sung” bits left me cold with the amount of repetition, combined with the simplicity of what was being said, especially in the chorus. It didn’t leave me much to latch on to, and made the spoken word bits the only notable part. I feel like there needed to be more balance in order for the song to go the extra mile, as it lacks the passion and spark of the monologue sections.

 

Beatinglikeadrum - xxx (forbidden prayer)

 

In a way, this is the song out of all your submissions that has given me the most mainstream pop vibes. Sex as rebellion towards Christianity definitely a popular pop touchstone, as Madonna has demonstrated! Even though this obviously doesn’t fit neatly as a pop song, I do think it needed a bit more editing and structuring to really land some of these lines. It’s very loose in regards to meter and rhyme scheme, despite what seems to be some attempts to have a snappy structure (“Hard to tell” in the chorus and then “hell’s… Cozy flames”, which is an awkward near miss of a rhyme that reads strangely.). For me, the song sits at an awkward intersection of the “good to be bad” theme—that being pop territory, with some commercial trappings—and the “critique of Christianity” message, which is a bit more cerebral in language and structure, but lacks a compelling viewpoint.

 

Remmy - Flowerbloom (S2 Version) [Live from the Memorial Civic Center in Canton, Ohio]

 

So I remember you said this is an expansion of a song from Season 1 that I remember got a lot of acclaim. Luckily for me I never saw it so this is a whole new song for me, and was judged as such! I honestly think you’ve submitted material in this season that’s wittier and funnier than this, actually. Not many of the punchlines stuck for me, though the Ariana reference was the best of them, in my opinion. You also usually have some hyperbole that can evoke laughs with its irreverence, but that’s also almost absent here. I can see the Remmy fingerprints on this, but I think you’ve already surpassed this sort of shock rap.

 

Augmented - The Battle

 

Usually I try to interpret without the additional information, but this was a song I was actually wishing for it to be present. I did have some difficulty sussing out what this song was about. In the end, I found it to be a song about a psychological battle of life and death, finding the will to survive or giving into despair and languishing. It’s a bit too abstract for me personally, without much concrete detail to latch onto, and I do think some of the song structures you used in the first stanzas (Mainly the “My A is B/my B is C” and “It is X/but it’s not X”) contributed to that. It’s very easy to keep producing lines through that “A but B” structure, but due to its simplicity, you might also find it’s easy to create a string of lines that don’t really say anything when put together. Try taking a step back and seeing if the first line you spring off of in each stanza is strong enough to carry the meaning of the rest of its stanza.

 

Legend E - Interviewing Myself

 

I thought that Verse 2 was a clear highlight, it establishes the personality of the narrator very effectively, how they’ll endure pain for an emotional connection to the song’s subject. The final line of the song is also really clever, and that’s definitely how you want to end any song! I think the flower symbolism was an interesting concept, but I do think it’s an issue if we need to read the additional info to get this connection, as I’m not sure it’s common knowledge that those flowers represent narcissism. Perhaps further expansion on the flowers (Just spitballing, something like “A flower charmed by its own scent” or something.) could communicate this idea in song, without needing supplementary info. Regardless, I think the song is nicely contained, showing that this cycle of them growing apart only for the song’s subject to come looking for the narrator for emotional intimacy will continue. Perhaps if you want to revisit this, adding a bridge to give some sort of narrative development could level up the piece.

 

Euterpe - Wasteland

 

This was really powerful and very daring to designate the whole song as spoken word. It definitely worked, and was the obvious standout of the round! The piece is potent because of how effective the mood is, in my opinion. Everything was stated starkly, without embellishment, which gives it the gravity the subject demands. Just very brutal and raw, and I find that everything was in the exact position it needed to be in. Well done!

 

TruGemini - Long Road

 

I think it was an interesting direction for ending with an extended monologue, but between the meta commentary and the fact that it so vastly dwarfs the actual lyrical content, it did come off as a misguided choice. The lyrics that are there play to your pop songwriting strengths, but there weren’t any images or ideas that blew me away to compensate for the heavy repetition and weaker rhyme scheme. You definitely found a healthier balance of lyricism and catchiness in Round 5, though, and I hope you build on that for the finale!

 

JoeAg - It’s Your Shade of Blue Now

 

I did think this was a little underdeveloped, or rather slight in regards to how much song there was this time, but there’s some images that I really like this time. The entire stanza of the golden vase I found to be really intriguing, it was elegant and perfectly worded to reach the atmosphere you wanted. I’m not sure if the spoken word sections needed to be spoken word: They do carry the same voice as the rest of the song in terms of diction and the amount of detailing, I think they could’ve been expanded into proper verses, with a new spoken word section that provides a contrasting voice. Overall, I did like the story of these two characters creating a secret universe where they alone exist and are free to be themselves.

 

[Galah]

3 minutes ago, 8thPrince said:

 

ROUND 6 REVIEWS!

 

...Just kidding! These are the Round 4 reviews I owed you! Deepest apologies, but due to some real life circumstances and babysitting duties, the Round 5 reviews ended up already being on my plate by the time I was still working on the Round 4 ones, so those came out first! But now you'll have a full slate for the season. If you wanted to get a full view of all four judges' opinions on your songs and trajectory thus far while writing/finalizing your finale songs, I hope this helps you!

 

 

  Hide contents

 

Hurricane326 - Autumn

 

Very nicely composed, as per usual! You easily helped me imagine the fall setting, and I attribute that to the groundedness of the narrative. I like how you’ve shown a slightly different side last round and here, when compared to R1 and R2. There’s a different, but consistent feel. It was also obvious what was the spoken word part, even without any notation. If I do want to level any criticism, I don’t think this is going to be the most inspired use of spoken word in this round (Though this is the first entry, so I may end up wrong!). I was hoping to see uses that advance the plot of the song, or change the context of it in a way that a four bar stanza couldn’t in an orthodox song, but this did seem like just an epilogue attached to a (Admittedly short) song. If this song does have a weakness, it’s that though it’s written very well, there’s not much of a plot, just a description of atmosphere.

 

XO_Life - Only Ones Who Know

 

I feel like you’ve been consistently improving each round, building up to bigger and better songs each time. I liked how you decided to implement spoken word into your song, as a sort of monologue: Yes, it is a bit of an exposition dump, BUT it expresses something that couldn’t be expressed the same way in a structured meter, with some good lines in there, like that about lips being so close that breath can’t fit in. This was definitely the week to show off clever writing like that since you won’t be constrained by making it fit a meter or rhyme scheme. It was a very romantic piece. One thing I’d look at going forward, as I saw it a lot here, is to avoid relying on padding like “I’ve got you, you got me”, “your lips on mine, my lips on yours”, etc. They’re easy ways to hit a line length that feels “right”, but it can become redundant/predictable, and isn’t saying too much new!

 

Allday - Leaving The City

 

To be honest, I do feel like this is a step back from a song of yours I liked, Animal For You back in Round 1. I didn’t have much to latch on to here due to the brevity and vagueness of the song, it’s missing the emotion that inspired Animal and made it stand out from other entries back then. I think it’s a major missed opportunity whenever any breakup song only focuses on the aftermath, but not what actually caused the breakup, and this song falls into that pitfall. Additionally, I think there was a lot more you could’ve done to incorporate spoken word. I’m hoping to see Round 1 Allday in this next challenge!

 

Julia Fox - I Will Know

 

First off, I want to thank you for being willing to share what’s obviously a really personal entry! I hope writing it may have helped sort some things out, even if only a little bit. I like the detailing you’ve put into this, and it makes it a song that only yourself could write. I liked a few standout lines here, such as “you are the last thing i should have on my mind, right now

but I want you there sometimes”. I thought the equal distribution of the spoken lines throughout the song was an interesting choice, that plus the theme sort of give me a “You Were Meant for Me” vibe. It did break immersion for me, having to switch between “this is sung/this is spoken” mode, and I personally think there may have been a more elegant way to use spoken word in this song, as it does come off as regular lines being converted into a spoken line via the formatting, rather than trying to construct a spoken word piece. Regardless of incorporation of theme, I love that you were willing to write this down and sort out your feelings.

 

Kylie Jenner - This Is War

 

I think you’ve done the best job at use of spoken word here: You took advantage of the freedom in structure and rhythm and focused entirely on making something that can be both pleasant to read and easy to understand, as one of these two points usually has to be sacrificed in order to fit the meter in poem/lyric writing. I really loved the outro, as it puts a thematic and atmospheric cap on the song, with some very nice prose. The entire section of “because between the lines of a book’s final page, there is space:/A nothingness so serene that you fantasize about it at night/because it is a place of hope, for new words can be written” was beautiful. But to look at the piece as a whole, I do think the lyrical section was the weakest. I understand how its sparseness works atmospherically with the bleak reality of war, but this was VERY sparse, to the point I don’t have much to grab on to. The spoken word part vastly eclipses it. I think it might’ve worked better to keep the sparseness, but make sure the images of the chorus and verse punched JUST like the spoken word bits. Something more visceral or emotionally devastating, as now the song is two strong bookends with a very scant leaf of paper between it.

 

Hug - [C:\DIGITAL-DYSTOPIA] (feat. Alluring Name)

 

I think you’ve cracked it and achieved what you said you wanted to do: I’ve definitely not read anything like this, and it’s very outside the box. Naturally, I thought it was great. It took advantage of the challenge and had a strong atmosphere (Even divorced from the formatting and music!). And of course, it’s technically excellent, as always. I think the narration was a great choice, as it allowed you to set up a backstory in-universe/in-song, which couldn’t be achieved through normal means. Now, do I wish we had a bridge to fill things out a bit more/bring in a new different feel for contrast? Yes, as I wanted to see more, but I don’t think the song suffers for being kept a bit shorter! All in all, very nice work. I especially love the Tower of Babel line.

 

Better Mistakes - Cruel World

 

“You have fixed my Life – however short.” Wow that was a great line. Everything continuing on from that was great as well. You definitely took advantage of the freedom that spoken word can give to a song, and I think drawing inspiration from a poet was a great direction. The song gave me a post-rock, Swans sort of vibe in a way, with the eloquent spoken passages interspersed among the more minimal sung passages. I do think that became a disadvantage, however: While I thought the spoken word bits were wonderfully written, and above average, the “sung” bits left me cold with the amount of repetition, combined with the simplicity of what was being said, especially in the chorus. It didn’t leave me much to latch on to, and made the spoken word bits the only notable part. I feel like there needed to be more balance in order for the song to go the extra mile, as it lacks the passion and spark of the monologue sections.

 

Beatinglikeadrum - xxx (forbidden prayer)

 

In a way, this is the song out of all your submissions that has given me the most mainstream pop vibes. Sex as rebellion towards Christianity definitely a popular pop touchstone, as Madonna has demonstrated! Even though this obviously doesn’t fit neatly as a pop song, I do think it needed a bit more editing and structuring to really land some of these lines. It’s very loose in regards to meter and rhyme scheme, despite what seems to be some attempts to have a snappy structure (“Hard to tell” in the chorus and then “hell’s… Cozy flames”, which is an awkward near miss of a rhyme that reads strangely.). For me, the song sits at an awkward intersection of the “good to be bad” theme—that being pop territory, with some commercial trappings—and the “critique of Christianity” message, which is a bit more cerebral in language and structure, but lacks a compelling viewpoint.

 

Remmy - Flowerbloom (S2 Version) [Live from the Memorial Civic Center in Canton, Ohio]

 

So I remember you said this is an expansion of a song from Season 1 that I remember got a lot of acclaim. Luckily for me I never saw it so this is a whole new song for me, and was judged as such! I honestly think you’ve submitted material in this season that’s wittier and funnier than this, actually. Not many of the punchlines stuck for me, though the Ariana reference was the best of them, in my opinion. You also usually have some hyperbole that can evoke laughs with its irreverence, but that’s also almost absent here. I can see the Remmy fingerprints on this, but I think you’ve already surpassed this sort of shock rap.

 

Augmented - The Battle

 

Usually I try to interpret without the additional information, but this was a song I was actually wishing for it to be present. I did have some difficulty sussing out what this song was about. In the end, I found it to be a song about a psychological battle of life and death, finding the will to survive or giving into despair and languishing. It’s a bit too abstract for me personally, without much concrete detail to latch onto, and I do think some of the song structures you used in the first stanzas (Mainly the “My A is B/my B is C” and “It is X/but it’s not X”) contributed to that. It’s very easy to keep producing lines through that “A but B” structure, but due to its simplicity, you might also find it’s easy to create a string of lines that don’t really say anything when put together. Try taking a step back and seeing if the first line you spring off of in each stanza is strong enough to carry the meaning of the rest of its stanza.

 

Legend E - Interviewing Myself

 

I thought that Verse 2 was a clear highlight, it establishes the personality of the narrator very effectively, how they’ll endure pain for an emotional connection to the song’s subject. The final line of the song is also really clever, and that’s definitely how you want to end any song! I think the flower symbolism was an interesting concept, but I do think it’s an issue if we need to read the additional info to get this connection, as I’m not sure it’s common knowledge that those flowers represent narcissism. Perhaps further expansion on the flowers (Just spitballing, something like “A flower charmed by its own scent” or something.) could communicate this idea in song, without needing supplementary info. Regardless, I think the song is nicely contained, showing that this cycle of them growing apart only for the song’s subject to come looking for the narrator for emotional intimacy will continue. Perhaps if you want to revisit this, adding a bridge to give some sort of narrative development could level up the piece.

 

Euterpe - Wasteland

 

This was really powerful and very daring to designate the whole song as spoken word. It definitely worked, and was the obvious standout of the round! The piece is potent because of how effective the mood is, in my opinion. Everything was stated starkly, without embellishment, which gives it the gravity the subject demands. Just very brutal and raw, and I find that everything was in the exact position it needed to be in. Well done!

 

TruGemini - Long Road

 

I think it was an interesting direction for ending with an extended monologue, but between the meta commentary and the fact that it so vastly dwarfs the actual lyrical content, it did come off as a misguided choice. The lyrics that are there play to your pop songwriting strengths, but there weren’t any images or ideas that blew me away to compensate for the heavy repetition and weaker rhyme scheme. You definitely found a healthier balance of lyricism and catchiness in Round 5, though, and I hope you build on that for the finale!

 

JoeAg - It’s Your Shade of Blue Now

 

I did think this was a little underdeveloped, or rather slight in regards to how much song there was this time, but there’s some images that I really like this time. The entire stanza of the golden vase I found to be really intriguing, it was elegant and perfectly worded to reach the atmosphere you wanted. I’m not sure if the spoken word sections needed to be spoken word: They do carry the same voice as the rest of the song in terms of diction and the amount of detailing, I think they could’ve been expanded into proper verses, with a new spoken word section that provides a contrasting voice. Overall, I did like the story of these two characters creating a secret universe where they alone exist and are free to be themselves.
 

 

 

 

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