tournament Golden Hit: Season 2 📀 Congratulations Hug! 🏆

[fountain]

59 minutes ago, Jackson said:

“There it is, Katheryn”

The way I had to google what Katy song this was referencing

[Legend E]

Thanks, Jackson! I really felt like I was trying to be more explicit about the metaphors though but I'll try to improve on that more and glad you somewhat liked it

[fountain]

 

In Round 5 you took us into the sleeping world, where we experienced dreams, nightmares, and mostly some great songs! We really enjoyed this round and spoiler alert for the upcoming results tomorrow but it was very hard scoring this round because there were so many songs we enjoyed. Great job everybody! However, now we are moving on to the final round, and your final challenge of Golden Hit Season 2…

 

 

For this final challenge, we’ll be presenting you with a couple of options to choose from, personally crafted by each individual judge…

 

@8thPrince’s Chorus Metamorphosis Challenge

 

Description:

 

Quote

Songwriters go through countless revisions to find that ONE perfect chorus with a brilliant rhyme scheme and flawless meter… For this option, you’ll need to come up with two! Your challenge is to write a song where the first chorus and second chorus have the same structure, but different lyrics. You can have more than two choruses, but the first two must have different lyrics!

 

Why I chose this challenge: 

Quote

I’m a huge fan of having evolving choruses in my own songs, and admire songwriters who can come up with two equally strong choruses that work well in complement to each other, so I felt it was perfect to go with this! My tip would be to take time to ensure both choruses are strong and necessary, rather than halving the quality between them.

 

@Aurora’s Golden Bars Challenge

 

Description:

 

Quote

This prompt is aimed at writers hoping to expand their arsenal of writing techniques. For this option, you must include a rap element in your song. This can be as short as a single verse, or as long as the entire song, provided it also meets another challenge’s criteria. A combination of lyrical/poetic devices such as tight metre, internal rhyming, extended rhyme scheme, double entendres, or clever rap metaphors/references can be utilised to execute an impressive rap.

 

Why I chose this challenge: 

Quote

Writing rap sections can often be an intimidating lyrical challenge, albeit one of the most fun and playful approaches to writing. Rap and poetry are very closely related, perhaps even closer than traditional songwriting. You can take this challenge in any direction: fun and commercial, making a serious statement, or perhaps a little raunchy. Rap writing is the perfect opportunity to express both creativity and technical proficiency, benefiting your overall writing skill.

 

@fountain’s Free-form Challenge

 

Description:

Quote

For my challenge I want writers to step outside the box of more standard song formulas and write something that is free-form instead. As opposed to writing a song that relies on repetition throughout, through the use of sections such as prechourses and choruses, I would like to see songs that are written in more of a stream of consciousness way without these repeating parts. In short, if you choose this challenge, your song should not have a section in your song that is copy and pasted from earlier in the song; it instead should be an ever evolving overall piece written freely in structure.

 

Why I chose this challenge:

Quote

There have been multiple instances throughout this season when we have seen some writers show their best writing skill when they have stepped outside of the box and attempted writing in a more unconventional way to what we most normally hear; that is repetitive pop music with very strict formulas. Now, there’s nothing wrong with songs like that, but in a writing competition like Golden Hit it can make certain songs feel more basic and predictable at a certain point; part of the problem is, really, if your song follows the typical verse-pre chorus-chorus-verse-pre chorus-chorus-bridge-chorus formula that a majority of songs do, then I already know how your song is going to end pretty much a third of the way into it… and this can definitely result in some reading experiences feeling more lacklustre. My hope from this challenge is that it will give writers the opportunity to play with their writing and have more opportunities to impress with using free-form writing as opposed to more repetitious methods. 

 

@Jackson’s Duet Challenge

 

Description: 

Quote

First seen back in Platinum Hit Season 6, challenges highlighting multiple perspectives have been popular in ATRL’s songwriting tournaments for a reason. Often, a story is more compelling when told from two viewpoints. For this challenge, you must write a song intended to be performed by two, distinct voices. This could represent two parties to a relationship, two strangers experiencing a common event, or even two sides of your own mind, but make sure each perspective is distinct and purposeful. Please indicate clearly which lines are performed by each character in your submission. 

 

Why I chose this challenge: 

Quote

It’s easy to get caught writing from one perspective. This challenge will force you to think in new ways about a concept. Even something as simple as a love song takes on new dimension when an additional voice enters the conversation.

 

But, there’s a slight catch. Rather than simply accepting one of these challenges, we want you to take two of the above challenges and combine them, creating a song that applies to both together. You’ll have to conceptualise a song that can fit two of these challenges, and you can mix n match the challenges in any way you please! There are many possibilities for challenge combinations here and there are definitely some really interesting selections that can be made. We look forward to seeing how you can get creative and come up with something great with these mix n match challenges! Since this challenge requires a little more thought with having to select which challenges to work together with, we’ll be giving you an extended deadline this round, so you have a week to work on these final songs. Good luck!

 

Tips:

-It might seem a little overwhelming at first, but don’t overthink it. The challenges definitely have some overlap to them and some combinations that will naturally fit together, so don’t feel too worried when first reading the challenge as it is probably easier than you might realise!

-If you have any questions about any of the challenges, potential combinations or ideas that you have, don’t hesitate to ask for some feedback on that! We’re here and happy to help, so if you are unsure about anything or want something clarifying then just let us know!

-This is a pretty obvious one but use your time wisely. We’ve had submissions throughout the season that have been rushed at the last minute or even written past the deadline and that’s fine because life should always come first, but if you want to write the best song possible try to balance out your timing a little more. We’ve given a longer submission period this round since it’s your final songs and we hope this will be useful and mean we can end the season on a high note instead of a rushed one!

 

Songs due via Google Form submission by October 2nd, 11:59PM ET

 

@hurricane326 @Hug @Legend E @worldwide angel @JoeAg @Achilles. @Euterpe @Augmented @Julia Fox @beatinglikeadrum @XO_Life @Remmy @Temporal @Gavin. @TruGemini @Kylie Jenner @Allday @Better Mistakes @Jack! @DatChickDoe @EpicSongFan @camfuckingrockwell @Element

 

[fountain]

I’m posting this from mobile so if anything looks a little odd let me know!

 

Hope you enjoy this final round and can have some fun experimenting with which different challenges of ours to mix n match! Looking forward to seeing what you can create… for the last time this season 

[Legend E]

Lol I'll probably still do a last minute entry, I feel that somehow always ends up better  

 

This is a pretty cute challenge tho! I am eyeing the two I will mix and match, but we'll see x

[fountain]

1 minute ago, hurricane326 said:

After what was indeed my flop era I'm just gonna choose the chorus challenge

The challenge is to pick two for one song king!

[Euterpe]

Oh no. Why did I sign up this season again?

[fountain]

2 minutes ago, Euterpe said:

Oh no. Why did I sign up this season again?

To slay us and earn your quote “first and only” number 1

[Legend E]

By the way, it's quite impossible to combine the Chorus Metamorphosis and Free-Form, right? I assume it would take a traditional form if I went for the Chorus one, even though the Chorus wouldn't be repeated

[fountain]

5 minutes ago, Legend E said:

By the way, it's quite impossible to combine the Chorus Metamorphosis and Free-Form, right? I assume it would take a traditional form if I went for the Chorus one, even though the Chorus wouldn't be repeated

Actually it’s probably one of the simpler combinations since the chorus metamorphosis challenge has you already writing two different choruses as opposed to one repeating chorus, which would be somewhat in line with the free form challenge. The difference would be that in the chorus metamorphosis challenge you’re allowed to repeat these sections, but in the free form challenge you wouldn’t be allowed to. 

[Legend E]

2 minutes ago, fountain said:

Actually it’s probably one of the simpler combinations since the chorus metamorphosis challenge has you already writing two different choruses as opposed to one repeating chorus, which would be somewhat in line with the free form challenge. The difference would be that in the chorus metamorphosis challenge you’re allowed to repeat these sections, but in the free form challenge you wouldn’t be allowed to. 

Hmm alright, I thought the free-form one would also kind of imply a lack of choruses  

[fountain]

1 minute ago, Legend E said:

Hmm alright, I thought the free-form one would also kind of imply a lack of choruses  

As long as said choruses aren’t repeated in the song then it doesn’t really make a difference for me personally. If it only appears once then the “chorus” part of it is more of a label than anything else tbh. If the repetition is removed then it’s pretty much a section of the song in the same vein as a verse, but perhaps written with the intention of being more bombastic or having a different melody, which is fine. Either way ultimately as long as sections of the song are not repeated throughout the piece (eg. copy and pasted with no significant alterations) then that’s fitting with what I’m envisioning. 

[Legend E]

1 minute ago, fountain said:

As long as said choruses aren’t repeated in the song then it doesn’t really make a difference for me personally. If it only appears once then the “chorus” part of it is more of a label than anything else tbh. If the repetition is removed then it’s pretty much a section of the song in the same vein as a verse, but perhaps written with the intention of being more bombastic or having a different melody, which is fine. Either way ultimately as long as sections of the song are not repeated throughout the piece (eg. copy and pasted with no significant alterations) then that’s fitting with what I’m envisioning. 

Alright cute  I'll think about it x

[Julia Fox]

@8thPrince I have a question…

if I have three different chorus then you will only evaluate the first two or what?

[8thPrince]

 

14 minutes ago, Legend E said:

Hmm alright, I thought the free-form one would also kind of imply a lack of choruses  

I think I might have an already written example of a song that satisfies both our challenges, actually, if you'd like a model of what you might be able to go with. One second:

 

Stained Glass

 

 

 

 

 

INTRO

Thought I’d finally say what’s weighing on my mind

Before the light sneaking through the blinds

Could draw the curtain on my sleepless night:

“It’s okay if I quit the baseball team, right?”

 

But you said “thanks for working so hard all this time”

 

Well, I guess no harm giving it all one last try

 

VERSE 1

Taking in the waking city streaking past

Outside the window as the train advanced

Red adidas and blue bookbag on my lap

Gold trombone and silver bat slung on my back

 

I’m a pane of stained glass, assembled to view

Just a window to look at, not one to look through

 

CHORUS

I’ll go back to being an example to follow

Return to being a good student tomorrow

The one that studies all week

Spends weekends volunteering

I’ll handle anything and everything you can throw at me

 

Arriving at my station, I stayed on the train

Coach will ask why I missed track practice today

I’ll lie about waking late

Or invent some stomach ache

But there’s no reason, it just felt like the one choice I could make

 

VERSE 2

Stepping off with the morning crowd, I turned around

And saw there was no one there to punish me

The adults who swore they would watch over me

No different from strangers with no responsibility

 

When they’re done assembling me into someone else

I, alone, have to live alongside myself

 

CHORUS

If I were in class, I’d be able to write

Some kind of shameful lie about the time 

I learned of community

Without much difficulty

But would be stumped writing about my happiest memory

 

Overcome with the thought to take my baseball bat,

Shatter a car window, and never look back

I don’t know why in the world

That idea sprung to mind

But God knows that’d be the first time I had control in my life

 

BRIDGE

Just one person’s perception is what sets apart

A cathedral window and a pile of colored shards

 

CHORUS

On another morning three years from now

With a taxi driver taking me through the town

He’ll ask what I want to do

Not like I’ll have any clue

Don’t even know if I’ll go to baseball practice after school

 

“Well, what are you studying at the university?”

It’s not like I should care what a stranger thinks of me

I’ll lie and say I’m in law,

Maybe biochemistry,

So ever telling you the truth’s an impossibility

 

On an evening with the rush hour crowd

I’ll trip over myself and shatter on the ground

Baseballs cleats and music sheets

All scattered over the street

But what do any one of those things have to do with me?

 

Everything I split myself apart for,

Plank by plank, stacked up all amounts to nothing:

The things I said meant nothing

The things I did meant nothing

Nothing I stood for in my life has any value to me

 

You’ll ask me how my day went yet again,

“I’m tired of trying to be a perfect person”

Or I’ll just reassure you,

Cut out the troublesome bits

And promise myself that tomorrow I will finally quit

 

But I’ll just go back to being an example to follow

Return to being a good student tomorrow

The one that studies all week

Spends weekends volunteering

I’ll handle anything and everything you can throw at me

 

 

 

I would say this satisfies the critical points of fountain's challenge (Virtually nothing is copied from an earlier verse, basically just two lines, and it doesn't neatly fit into verse-prechorus-chorus-verse-prechorus-chorus-bridge-chorus), and my challenge (There's a central pair of stanzas the song rotates around that can be recognized as a chorus through their line length, line count, meter and rhyme scheme, and there's more than one of them.). If it helps, for me, I recognize a chorus as being more so an identifiable skeleton of the meter and rhyme scheme, you don't have to label it chorus, nor does it need to be a catchy pop bop!

Edited September 26, 2022 by 8thPrince

[fountain]

3 minutes ago, Legend E said:

Alright cute  I'll think about it x

Hope any of that made sense, I can’t tell if I worded what I meant properly 

[fountain]

6 minutes ago, 8thPrince said:

 

I think I might have an already written example of a song that satisfies both our challenges, actually, if you'd like a model of what you might be able to go with. One second:

 

Stained Glass

 

  Hide contents

 

 

 

INTRO

Thought I’d finally say what’s weighing on my mind

Before the light sneaking through the blinds

Could draw the curtain on my sleepless night:

“It’s okay if I quit the baseball team, right?”

 

But you said “thanks for working so hard all this time”

 

Well, I guess no harm giving it all one last try

 

VERSE 1

Taking in the waking city streaking past

Outside the window as the train advanced

Red adidas and blue bookbag on my lap

Gold trombone and silver bat slung on my back

 

I’m a pane of stained glass, assembled to view

Just a window to look at, not one to look through

 

CHORUS

I’ll go back to being an example to follow

Return to being a good student tomorrow

The one that studies all week

Spends weekends volunteering

I’ll handle anything and everything you can throw at me

 

Arriving at my station, I stayed on the train

Coach will ask why I missed track practice today

I’ll lie about waking late

Or invent some stomach ache

But there’s no reason, it just felt like the one choice I could make

 

VERSE 2

Stepping off with the morning crowd, I turned around

And saw there was no one there to punish me

The adults who swore they would watch over me

No different from strangers with no responsibility

 

When they’re done assembling me into someone else

I, alone, have to live alongside myself

 

CHORUS

If I were in class, I’d be able to write

Some kind of shameful lie about the time 

I learned of community

Without much difficulty

But would be stumped writing about my happiest memory

 

Overcome with the thought to take my baseball bat,

Shatter a car window, and never look back

I don’t know why in the world

That idea sprung to mind

But God knows that’d be the first time I had control in my life

 

BRIDGE

Just one person’s perception is what sets apart

A cathedral window and a pile of colored shards

 

CHORUS

On another morning three years from now

With a taxi driver taking me through the town

He’ll ask what I want to do

Not like I’ll have any clue

Don’t even know if I’ll go to baseball practice after school

 

“Well, what are you studying at the university?”

It’s not like I should care what a stranger thinks of me

I’ll lie and say I’m in law,

Maybe biochemistry,

So ever telling you the truth’s an impossibility

 

On an evening with the rush hour crowd

I’ll trip over myself and shatter on the ground

Baseballs cleats and music sheets

All scattered over the street

But what do any one of those things have to do with me?

 

Everything I split myself apart for,

Plank by plank, stacked up all amounts to nothing:

The things I said meant nothing

The things I did meant nothing

Nothing I stood for in my life has any value to me

 

You’ll ask me how my day went yet again,

“I’m tired of trying to be a perfect person”

Or I’ll just reassure you,

Cut out the troublesome bits

And promise myself that tomorrow I will finally quit

 

But I’ll just go back to being an example to follow

Return to being a good student tomorrow

The one that studies all week

Spends weekends volunteering

I’ll handle anything and everything you can throw at me

 

 

 

I would say this satisfies the critical points of fountain's challenge (Virtually nothing is copied from an earlier verse, basically just two lines, and it doesn't neatly fit into verse-prechorus-chorus-verse-prechorus-chorus-bridge-chorus), and my challenge (There's a central pair of stanzas the song rotates around that can be recognized as a chorus through their line length, line count, meter and rhyme scheme, and there's more than one of them.). If it helps, for me, I recognize a chorus as being more so an identifiable skeleton of the meter and rhyme scheme, you don't have to label it chorus, nor does it need to be a catchy pop bop!

Come through with the example, I co-sign this 

[8thPrince]

11 minutes ago, Julia Fox said:

@8thPrince I have a question…

if I have three different chorus then you will only evaluate the first two or what?

Everything you write will be evaluated by all the judges! You can have 7 different choruses if you're up to it and the judges will evaluate all of them!

 

Only stipulation is the first two must be different in a significant way (So no swapping out pronouns or place names). I decided to go with that because I felt like it's easy/semi-common to do the first two choruses the same and then change the final one, so making the first two different is a bit more atypical! You're welcome to have it done like Chorus 1-Chorus 2-Chorus 1, or you can do 3 different ones (For the typical song structure), 4 (Maybe you're leading with the chorus), 5-7 (Like my Stained Glass example), etc... I've done a few pop songs were none of the choruses are repeated so I ended up with 3 different choruses, if you'd like an example!

 

Summer's Evidence

 

 

[VERSE 1]

Faster than I could turn the calendar page

Drenched in reminders and exam dates

June somehow suddenly arrived

 

My uniform’s on the hanger, still dripping sweat

And study guides pour off of my desk,

But it must’ve come when I realized:

 

You swapped your crewnecks

For a Bardot neckline

 

[CHORUS]

The flecks of summer on your shoulders,

That beam that leaves a single strand of hair dyed

Is all the evidence I need

 

The distance my eyes will travel

From your collarbones to lips:

There’s not a moment unnoticed by me

 

Dewdrops on soda cans abandoned

As we raced to the lake, the forest’s palette

Is stained all over my white tee

 

The sunlight threading through the branches

Like you weave through the trees, your dress’s pinwheel

Is proof my summer’s beginning

 

[VERSE 2]

Your flats and my loafers both sit on the shore

Where two pairs of Converse were kicked off before

But this year they’re both neatly aligned

 

The bottle of mineral water you brought

Is the only relief from the heat that we’ve got

So as I lift it to my lips

 

I ask if this summer will ignite

With this secondhand kiss?

 

[CHORUS]

Your laughter clear as the bottle

Of crystal water I failed waterfalling

And spilled all over my blue jeans

 

The milliseconds of silence

That lapse between each splintered conversation

All counted by me

 

The way you hitch up your skirt hem

To vault a wooden fence you used as a shortcut

Way back when we were both thirteen

 

Your dress that wraps up all the colors

Of summertime and all my mixed emotions

Is proof that first love’s beginning

 

[BRIDGE]

In the few seconds I had spent

Carefully rolling up my pant legs

You were neck-deep inside the lake

 

Even if I hoped to reach you there

Or shielded my eyes from the sun’s glare:

I’d lose you completely

Behind the crest of each wave

 

[CHORUS]

The way the water cuts my breath short

And keeps me from even calling your name out

Is all the evidence I need

 

The milliseconds of silence

That lapse each time we see

Our talks aren’t easy like they used to be

 

Your dress that whipped through the forest

And just out of my reach is now a white flag,

A banner of my timidity

 

And when you slip through the branches

And disappear with the last rays of sunlight

It’s proof that my summer’s ending

 

 

 

 

I Took a Fistful of Sand From the Beach

 

 

 

 

 

VERSE 1

The heat of mesquite on the sea salt breeze

And hickory smoke from the barbeque pit

I rubbed at my eyes in that sweet smokescreen

And the rising sun brought our summer to an end

 

The sneakers we tore off and set in a line

As we rolled up our khakis to run through the waves

Now only my lone pair remains on the shore

And the traces of shoeprints have been swept away

 

PRECHORUS

We’d shout out our dreams when asked about them

Scaring the seagulls that would land on the pier

But those certain answers became whispered questions

Till’ our future was a murmur our hearts couldn’t hear

 

We’d stop looking at the clouds floating above

Eyes fixed on the path laid out for our lives

As if we were scared that the footprints below

Would be washed away by a sudden high tide

 

CHORUS

I went to the beach on the first day of fall

And tried to take a fistful of sand

No matter how quickly I ran from the shore

I’d still end up with an empty hand

 

Sand that slipped through the gaps in my hands

Like the space between the halves of an hourglass:

No matter how badly I wish for those days

Those times can never come back

 

VERSE 2

The rainbow in autumn traced over a garden

By a hose trying to save the dying grass

And the short-sleeved student in a sea of cardigans

Are trying to capture the season that’s passed

 

When the cold breeze sweeps through the city streets

Past snow-capped skyscrapers and right through your suit

Will you remember the face of the friend you pressed against,

Both wrapped in a beach towel as the wind blew?

 

PRECHORUS

We’d shed off the hopes of our childhood

In fear of appearing to be too naive

And silenced the drumming inside our hearts

To not disturb the pigeons that line the streets

 

We’d stop looking at the clouds pierced by the buildings

Eyes fixed on the back of the person ahead

As if we were scared that stepping off-track

Would only destroy our future instead

 

CHORUS

I went to the beach on the first day of fall

And tried to take a fistful of sand

No matter how carefully I walked from the shore

I’d still end up with an empty hand

 

It’s useless to search for those grains that you lost

As that sand slipped away little by little:

You’ll wake up and see you lost sight of your dream,

But knowing when is impossible

 

BRIDGE

I’m sure if I could hear the things

That the younger me wanted to be

I’d have to laugh at myself for being so embarrassing

 

The me that didn’t wait for a sign

And didn’t believe in perfect timing

The me that could dive without fear, headfirst into that sea...

 

CHORUS

I went to the beach on the first day of fall

And tried to take a fistful of sand

Even if you grip it with all of your strength

It’ll still never be a diamond again

 

I opened the fingers of that white-knuckled hand

And the wind returned the sand to the beach

I took one more step from the shore of my youth

And began walking to a new dream

 

 

 

 

Edited September 26, 2022 by 8thPrince

[Legend E]

Thanks both!  I think I do get it yes!

[Hug]

Pondering my options for this round. We will see.

[fountain]

Round 5: The Dreamscape Challenge, Part 3

 

@Legend E - Floating By (-¿zzz?-)

There are parts of this that I enjoyed and parts of this that I think could have used a little more work. I really enjoy the overall theme, it’s of course entirely encompassing of the challenge at hand, and the topic of insomnia and how it invaded and effects your life in so many ways is really nicely explored here and as somebody who does suffer with insomnia I thought it was pretty relatable and well described. That said, I think some of the lyrics perhaps could have been reworded a little to get their point across better, lines 2-4 of the chorus I think could use reworking (specifically the latter two because I’m not entirely sure what the whispers are supposed to represent or why the morning screams tbh), and I like the idea of the outro too but I think some of the lyrics could be a bit more refined there also. That said, there’s also some lyrics that I really enjoyed, specifically the talking to the stars and count a million sheep lines, so it’s somewhat of a mix for me. Overall, I think this is good, it’s not your strongest entry but I really like the ideas presented here, I just think it could use a little more time to polish it and then the song would be even stronger. 

 

@Euterpe - Did you hear that?

So I have never heard of exploding head syndrome but what an interesting basis for a song (and what a terrible thing to deal with, I’m sorry), I’ve looked into a little to accompany your entry and I’m left very intrigued and little more knowledgeable so thanks! The inclusion of this specific sleeping disorder really elevates the entry for me, we’ve had a few entries that have dealt with fear towards sleep in general which have been enjoyable, but having a particular reason behind it with this inspiration for this song really pushes it that bit further for me. I think the song has demonstrated what it must be like to deal with this condition spectacularly, the song really does have this panicked, alarmed feel to it which is really nicely executed and definitely heightens the reading experience; I felt put in that place through your writing, which is a really strong sign. Considering this was a last minute entry for you, I’m impressed. I feel overall this is another great, strong entry from you, a wonderful take on the challenge and an example of some writing that I found to be quite immersive. Great job!

 

@JoeAg - Felt You Watching Over Me

As usual I think your lyricism is absolutely lovely, you truly have a very natural way with words and then just flow off the page so wonderfully to me. Now, for as much as I love your writing, I don’t know if the story behind the song supported it enough for me to love the song overall. If I’m totally honest, this song has kind of gone over my head. I’m not really sure how it is supposed to make me feel or what it is supposed to make me think, and when rereading it I don’t really seem to get any closer to an answer. I really enjoy the reveal at the end that the song is in reference to being watched over by a Grandmother, but the song to me doesn’t really reference this relationship specifically enough to strongly form any effect behind the connection for me. There are some really lovely worded lyrics that seem to hint at this background, but it isn’t explored enough for me to know the significance of whatever has happened prior, if that makes sense? The language is wonderful and flowery, but I don’t feel there is enough emotion or context behind it for me to realistically connect with this song as an outside reader, to be honest. Now to you that could be a different experience because I’m assuming it’s personal to you and you can understand these things more, but for somebody like me on the outside looking in I do think it was lacking for it to really have the effect on me that I think it was intended to. Which honestly is a shame because as I’ve said quite a few times the writing itself is so nice and enjoyable to read, but when I’m reaching for context and the narrative behind it, I’m coming back empty handed. Overall a bit of a mixed one for me, your talent as a writer is very clear but I do think this song could’ve used more connective tissue. 

 

@Element - NIGHT VISIONS II: TETRIS HYPNOTIC

I have to say I really was not expecting a submission from you at all, so this is such a pleasant surprise! Now, I hadn’t heard of the Tetris effect before… but omg I think I’ve actually experienced it before. My grandmother used to play games similar to that and I would watch her and sometimes it would manifest in my dreams, but they would almost be more like nightmares because I would feel trapped within this game and then as the pieces continue to fall and the pace increases it would be really overwhelming and these were reoccurring dreams for me and I didn’t realise this was an actual phenomenon so I’m honestly very enlightened by this submission. Now for the song itself… this is such a wonderful submission! This is a really fun and creative take on the challenge and made for a really nice read. Obviously everybody knows what Tetris looks like so the song was instantly completely vivid and with its video game aesthetic there was almost this duality because it gives off that fun vibe but then of course the song is actually about this anxiety and unrelenting game ongoing which made for overall a really interesting layered feeling to the song. What I love most I’d say is that you totally went all in with the concept, splitting up each section of the song as another “level” of the game, all the references to the Tetris pieces and the imagery throughout just makes everything come together as a really polished creation. Overall this is a really strong entry, it’s definitely clear that this challenge clicked with you and sparked a great piece of inspiration and I’m glad you took it and wrote this song. Great job, and here’s hoping we may one day be blessed by your presence again!

 

@worldwide angel - Twilight

I really love your depiction of dreams as this blurry yet enticing thing, the song as a whole is super vivid in this way and really paints a beautiful picture of the world of dreams, or rather as you describe it the “twilight”. I also absolutely loved the idea that there exists two versions of the self, the you who exists in the waking world and the you who exists in the twilight, and that these are two parts of the soul; this was really stunning. I think this challenge was a wonderful fit for your writing and I think you’ve done a fantastic job of applying the inspiration to your song and exploring it; your writing is so full of beautiful imagery and this paired really nicely with the world of twilight that you have depicted here, and the emotions that surround a place like that and getting to experience it. I, too, really loved getting a peek into this world and am left feeling like the character in this story wanting more! Overall this is another wonderful entry from you, I’m really glad you were able to submit again this round and I hope we get to see you again for the final round!

[fountain]

On 9/24/2022 at 4:20 PM, fountain said:

Round 5: The Dreamscape Challenge

 

@camfuckingrockwell - Paradise

I’m really glad that you have submitted again, welcome back! I think this song is a really nice interpretation of the challenge, and something probably very universally relatable for most people, we all have moments like this before sleep when we ponder and get lost in our thoughts, and I think your song described a moment like that well. I like the overall questioning lyrics to the song, a lot like sleep and dreams (and paradise itself) not much is known and it presents some nice thoughtful questions; obviously mainly is paradise real, and will I ever get to experience something like that? I like that you left the song open ended and able to be interpreted, it feels realistic and relatable that we don’t know ultimately what will happen to us and that is quite poignant in a way. However if I was to provide some constructive advice for this song, I think it could have used expanding a little more. I like what you have and think it’s a great starting point, but I think the ideas could be pushed a little farther; particularly the song could use a little more context/background to it, we understand that the narrator feels this way and we get to see it explored throughout the song, however we are never told why this person feels this was, there’s no reasoning for the emotion, and I think some background into that could have helped elevate the song and the story a little more. Ultimately though I think you did a good job, and like I said at the start I’m very glad you chose to submit again! I hope we get to see you again next round for the final challenge!

 

@Kylie Jenner - Ephemeral

I think you’ve done a good job of taking the criticism given in the past and applying it here. This writing is definitely elevated compared to some of your earlier songs, it’s a lot more vivid and stylistic, and I think it’s definitely a step up. I like your concept overall of somebody being obsessed with dreams, it’s quite an interesting one and not one that I particularly expected so I find it quite refreshing. The idea of somebody being so entranced by dreams that they begin to reject the real world and confuse the two is really interesting and I enjoyed how your song explored that. It’s almost mystic or whimsical in a way, and maybe this sense could’ve been highlighted or played with a bit more in the song. Overall though I think this is a definite improvement here, and personally probably my favourite song that you have submitted all season. Good job!

 

@hurricane326 - A Conversation With Nik

This is very conceptual and I’m not sure how it might work for everybody, but personally I really appreciated it. Despite being so conceptual, it’s also very personal, which makes for a very interesting piece overall. It’s quite the reading experience, and I think as you expected based on your posts, I don’t think we’ve seen any other submission like this really. It’s a very interesting take on the challenge, you’ve explained where your inspiration came from with the dream aspect however I don’t think that’s as fully clear in the song itself so if I had any constructive advice I would say that part could’ve been played up more, but it’s a very valid and unique take on the challenge. Interestingly it also would’ve been very fitting for last rounds challenge too since so much of the song was spoken, personally I liked this however I can’t say that everybody will be as open minded as I am since others usually expect more lyrical writing, but I enjoyed it. Overall it’s hard to put into words the effect of your song, it’s thoughtful and poignant but also dark and scary; my biggest praise though would be that it is incredibly unique and certainly showcases writing as a deep art form and not just as a thing for fun. It has a very clear message even if the story is partly ugly, and I’m impressed both at the willingness to write this and the willingness to share it. I think you’ve done a great job. 

 

@XO_Life - Dreamscape

This is a really nice interpretation of the challenge. Rather than literally being about dreams I appreciate that you took it in the direction instead that we need to try and better our world and to make it more like dreams where there are no worries, no pain and no hate. The song overall has a great message and I think you explored this well. I would say some of the specific lyrics could take another look at to make sure they are as well thought out as they could be (the lines rhyming news/Jews was a biT of a choice; it’s much too direct and on the nose, though I appreciate the sentiment). If I’m totally honest, I don’t think it’s as strong as your last entry; that one overall felt a little more poignant, but I think this song is still good itself but could maybe be pushed a little more in terms of the lyricism. This song seems to have more of a focus on being catchy and pop which I appreciate, but I think a song with a message like this might have come across easier if it were more in the vein of your last entry rather than as a pop song, perhaps, so that it could have been explored a little more freely. Overall though I think this is another good entry from you. 

 

@Hug - The You I Remember

This is an incredibly touching song, and the combination of both the story of you and your mother, and the dream that you had about her and how it made you remember her afterwards, is beautiful. It’s just really, really beautiful. You’ve written some very impressive and creative songs throughout this season, but there’s just always something special about the more personal songs. Of course not every entry can be like this, but the moments when we do get to read songs like this, they are greatly important and moving. This was simply stunning, and it’s my favourite song from you so far. Perfect job. Well done.

 

 

 

@TruGemini - Same Old Discussions

I really liked the concept and the discussion of how sometimes in love it can feel like a stagnant cycle where you keep repeating the same things and having the same discussions, and I liked how this was explored throughout the song like nice comparisons like being stuck in stasis or in a dream. However, I don’t think the song gives off enough of a dream vibe as I could have hoped for, I understand from the description of the song that you tried to incorporate this into the structure of the song, but when it comes to the actual lyrics within the song we don’t really see any incorporation of the challenge until the very last section, so I would have liked to see it developed more throughout the whole song lyrically too. But, instead of looking at what the song didn’t do and instead focusing on what it did do, I think this is a nice exploration of a relationship and as usual I love the flare that I know I can always count on in your writing. Overall a good song, but could have incorporated the challenge more directly. 

 

@Allday - Night Terrors

I think you’ve incorporated the challenge wonderfully in your song, and choosing to explore the theme of night terrors feels really fitting for the type of music style that I’ve come to expect from you. I think this is probably your strongest entry so far, in the past I’ve given feedback that you might not have incorporated the challenges enough but this time you’ve definitely excelled at it and written something fully encompassed in the theme and explored it nicely. I also liked the inclusion of the idea that because of these experiences the narrator would be afraid to go asleep again, which as somebody who’s experienced night terrors I can relate to, and I liked that this was represented because I think most people who don’t suffer with sleep related issues wouldn’t have any idea that there are people who fear or hate the idea of sleeping (it was only one lyric so maybe it could’ve been explored more throughout the song but at the very least I liked this aspect a lot). Overall I think this is a good entry, and like I said probably your best and most well rounded so far. Good job!

 

@Julia Fox - Blurry

Ms. Fox, this song is up there with vintage for me, I really enjoyed it! I loved the way you tackled this challenge in such a vividly beautiful way with your imagery, but also kept it very unique and artsy with some of your choices (dry lips, tiny eyes), and also had the relationship aspect and it’s story to help ground the song too and not make it too dreamy; it was really nicely balanced and I can say there isn’t any part of it that I didn’t enjoy. Lyrically I think the song is really strong too, my absolutely favourite thing about your writing is your unique perspective and I love when you sprinkle your songs with really interesting images such as the ones mentioned above; I can say we’ve had no other lyrics mention dry lips or tiny eyes yet with your style you pull them off so naturally and I think it’s the best part of your writing in my opinion. Personally, I’d love for your final song next round to see you embrace this to the absolute maximum and fill your entry with as many of these unique ideas that come to you as possible (though not in a forced way; so long as they are natural and make sense to the song). Overall though I think this is a strong entry, perhaps your best, certainly fighting for the title with vintage. Good job!

 

@beatinglikeadrum - C13H16N2O2

Okay I liked your last entry but now THIS is a return to form. I just absolutely adore your abstract poetic style. This is a really strong exploration of dreams, really enthralling and a wonderful interpretation of the challenge. Your lyrics totally pull me in, you definitely have a way with words and when you put your all into a song (and don’t serve a Cock-a-doodle-do moment) you just absolutely serve. My review will have to be on the shorter side unfortunately, because there are only so many ways to say that I enjoyed something. But I did, I really enjoyed this. Very good job!

 

@Augmented - The Fall

I really love the conceptual nature of this and it definitely feels like you’ve pushed yourself and put a lot into this entry. At first when reading through I didn’t think it was touching on the challenge enough, but then when it became more clear throughout the song, and once I reached the part where the connection is made  between dreams being the only  place where this person can be their true self and the waking world actually being more of a nightmare itself, inflicted by sleep, that I really fell in love with the interpretation. It’s a really nice take on both the sleep challenge and also incorporation of deeper themes about society and discrimination, and I thought it was really well done. I think this is some of your most lyrically strong writing to date too, usually your writing is a little more simpler or straight forward (not in a bad way, but in a personal and direct way) but I think you really pushed yourself stylistically here and it was fun to see. Great job, another very strong entry from you!

 

 

@Legend E - Floating By (-¿zzz?-)

There are parts of this that I enjoyed and parts of this that I think could have used a little more work. I really enjoy the overall theme, it’s of course entirely encompassing of the challenge at hand, and the topic of insomnia and how it invaded and effects your life in so many ways is really nicely explored here and as somebody who does suffer with insomnia I thought it was pretty relatable and well described. That said, I think some of the lyrics perhaps could have been reworded a little to get their point across better, lines 2-4 of the chorus I think could use reworking (specifically the latter two because I’m not entirely sure what the whispers are supposed to represent or why the morning screams tbh), and I like the idea of the outro too but I think some of the lyrics could be a bit more refined there also. That said, there’s also some lyrics that I really enjoyed, specifically the talking to the stars and count a million sheep lines, so it’s somewhat of a mix for me. Overall, I think this is good, it’s not your strongest entry but I really like the ideas presented here, I just think it could use a little more time to polish it and then the song would be even stronger. 

 

@Euterpe - Did you hear that?

So I have never heard of exploding head syndrome but what an interesting basis for a song (and what a terrible thing to deal with, I’m sorry), I’ve looked into a little to accompany your entry and I’m left very intrigued and little more knowledgeable so thanks! The inclusion of this specific sleeping disorder really elevates the entry for me, we’ve had a few entries that have dealt with fear towards sleep in general which have been enjoyable, but having a particular reason behind it with this inspiration for this song really pushes it that bit further for me. I think the song has demonstrated what it must be like to deal with this condition spectacularly, the song really does have this panicked, alarmed feel to it which is really nicely executed and definitely heightens the reading experience; I felt put in that place through your writing, which is a really strong sign. Considering this was a last minute entry for you, I’m impressed. I feel overall this is another great, strong entry from you, a wonderful take on the challenge and an example of some writing that I found to be quite immersive. Great job!

 

@JoeAg - Felt You Watching Over Me

As usual I think your lyricism is absolutely lovely, you truly have a very natural way with words and then just flow off the page so wonderfully to me. Now, for as much as I love your writing, I don’t know if the story behind the song supported it enough for me to love the song overall. If I’m totally honest, this song has kind of gone over my head. I’m not really sure how it is supposed to make me feel or what it is supposed to make me think, and when rereading it I don’t really seem to get any closer to an answer. I really enjoy the reveal at the end that the song is in reference to being watched over by a Grandmother, but the song to me doesn’t really reference this relationship specifically enough to strongly form any effect behind the connection for me. There are some really lovely worded lyrics that seem to hint at this background, but it isn’t explored enough for me to know the significance of whatever has happened prior, if that makes sense? The language is wonderful and flowery, but I don’t feel there is enough emotion or context behind it for me to realistically connect with this song as an outside reader, to be honest. Now to you that could be a different experience because I’m assuming it’s personal to you and you can understand these things more, but for somebody like me on the outside looking in I do think it was lacking for it to really have the effect on me that I think it was intended to. Which honestly is a shame because as I’ve said quite a few times the writing itself is so nice and enjoyable to read, but when I’m reaching for context and the narrative behind it, I’m coming back empty handed. Overall a bit of a mixed one for me, your talent as a writer is very clear but I do think this song could’ve used more connective tissue. 

 

@Element - NIGHT VISIONS II: TETRIS HYPNOTIC

I have to say I really was not expecting a submission from you at all, so this is such a pleasant surprise! Now, I hadn’t heard of the Tetris effect before… but omg I think I’ve actually experienced it before. My grandmother used to play games similar to that and I would watch her and sometimes it would manifest in my dreams, but they would almost be more like nightmares because I would feel trapped within this game and then as the pieces continue to fall and the pace increases it would be really overwhelming and these were reoccurring dreams for me and I didn’t realise this was an actual phenomenon so I’m honestly very enlightened by this submission. Now for the song itself… this is such a wonderful submission! This is a really fun and creative take on the challenge and made for a really nice read. Obviously everybody knows what Tetris looks like so the song was instantly completely vivid and with its video game aesthetic there was almost this duality because it gives off that fun vibe but then of course the song is actually about this anxiety and unrelenting game ongoing which made for overall a really interesting layered feeling to the song. What I love most I’d say is that you totally went all in with the concept, splitting up each section of the song as another “level” of the game, all the references to the Tetris pieces and the imagery throughout just makes everything come together as a really polished creation. Overall this is a really strong entry, it’s definitely clear that this challenge clicked with you and sparked a great piece of inspiration and I’m glad you took it and wrote this song. Great job, and here’s hoping we may one day be blessed by your presence again! 

 

@worldwide angel - Twilight

I really love your depiction of dreams as this blurry yet enticing thing, the song as a whole is super vivid in this way and really paints a beautiful picture of the world of dreams, or rather as you describe it the “twilight”. I also absolutely loved the idea that there exists two versions of the self, the you who exists in the waking world and the you who exists in the twilight, and that these are two parts of the soul; this was really stunning. I think this challenge was a wonderful fit for your writing and I think you’ve done a fantastic job of applying the inspiration to your song and exploring it; your writing is so full of beautiful imagery and this paired really nicely with the world of twilight that you have depicted here, and the emotions that surround a place like that and getting to experience it. I, too, really loved getting a peek into this world and am left feeling like the character in this story wanting more! Overall this is another wonderful entry from you, I’m really glad you were able to submit again this round and I hope we get to see you again for the final round!

I’ve updated this post so all my dreamscape reviews can be found in one place 

[fountain]

Now let me pop my own C13H16N2O2 and try to get to see this dreamscape myself…

 

Hope everybody is looking forward to results! It’s been a great round, good job.

[Element]

@Jackson Thank you for the review! I'm so glad you enjoyed and that the increasing sense of urgency was evident!! 

 

I went through my old files and found Night Visions! It was back in 2015 for PH6 (I believe)... the challenge was to choose an album title and write a song with that title. Honestly one of my faves from the PH days!!

 

 

"Night Visions"

 

Verse

The midnight oil burns up again

As I sit silent with my pen

The thoughts become the words

That I have written

 

My father -- he don't understand

Why I can't be like other men

As visions in the night 

Possess my body 

 

Chorus

The pillars of reality 

Start crumbling underneath my feet

The mist corrupts my mind, infects my brain

And fading through the violet hues

Are images of me and you

In another world... in a better world

 

Verse

Moonlight shines through the window glass

And new ideas come so fast 

A new chapter begins 

When the sun's hidden

 

My mother -- she can't seem to grasp

The ways of an insomniac

These visions in the night 

Possess my heartbeat 

 

Chorus

The pillars of reality 

Start crumbling underneath my feet

The mist corrupts my mind, infects my brain

And fading through the violet hues

Are images of me and you

In another world... in a better world

 

Bridge

Tides grow, smoke flows

Through this indigo sky

Don't doubt the stars' glow

In this mystical night 

 

Chorus (x2)

The pillars of reality 

Start crumbling underneath my feet

The mist corrupts my mind, infects my brain

And fading through the violet hues

Are images of me and you

In another world... in a better world

 

And fading through the violet hues

Are images of me and you

Shining bright in gold... in a better world

 

In another world... in a better world

Shining bright in gold... in a better world

[Element]

@fountain Thank you for the kind review!! I was hoping that you'd like it!! I really enjoyed writing it and blending together the fun/vivid/game elements with the anxiety/perilous vibes. That's so crazy that you actually have experienced this phenomenon IRL before! I was trying to imagine what it would be like -- you'll have to let me know if it ever happens again!!