tournament Golden Hit: Season 2 📀 Congratulations Hug! 🏆

[fountain]

Got a little bit of a schedule update for everybody as we head towards the final!

 

Round 6, the final challenge, will be posted tomorrow (Sunday) and the results for Round 5 will be taking place the day after (Monday). Pretty much we are pushing each back by one day, just so that things aren’t in a rush for us as we come up on the final. The final challenge will have a longer submission period so you all have extra time to work on your final songs for Season 2! We’ll be giving you a week to work on these songs, so the deadline will be on October 2nd. We expect the actual finale to take place a few days later on October 6th, if there’s any changes or updates to this before then I’ll of course make a post to let everybody know!

 

We’ll be working on those Round 5 reviews now, and then it’s time for the final! Hope you’re looking forward to it. 

 

@hurricane326 @Hug @Legend E @worldwide angel @JoeAg @Achilles. @Euterpe @Augmented @Julia Fox @beatinglikeadrum @XO_Life @Remmy @Temporal @Gavin. @TruGemini @Kylie Jenner @Allday @Better Mistakes @Jack! @DatChickDoe @EpicSongFan @camfuckingrockwell @Element

[Aurora]

6 minutes ago, fountain said:

Got a little bit of a schedule update for everybody as we head towards the final!

 

Round 6, the final challenge, will be posted tomorrow (Sunday) and the results for Round 5 will be taking place the day after (Monday). Pretty much we are pushing each back by one day, just so that things aren’t in a rush for us as we come up on the final. The final challenge will have a longer submission period so you all have extra time to work on your final songs for Season 2! We’ll be giving you a week to work on these songs, so the deadline will be on October 2nd. We expect the actual finale to take place a few days later on October 6th, if there’s any changes or updates to this before then I’ll of course make a post to let everybody know!

 

We’ll be working on those Round 5 reviews now, and then it’s time for the final! Hope you’re looking forward to it. 

 

@hurricane326 @Hug @Legend E @worldwide angel @JoeAg @Achilles. @Euterpe @Augmented @Julia Fox @beatinglikeadrum @XO_Life @Remmy @Temporal @Gavin. @TruGemini @Kylie Jenner @Allday @Better Mistakes @Jack! @DatChickDoe @EpicSongFan @camfuckingrockwell @Element

We stan a flexible hosting schedule. Skinny reviews cancelled! Thique reviews outsold. 
 

(Where were these Fall emojis two rounds ago during the Deciduous challenge…)

[Julia Fox]

Cool x cant wait for the final challenge and the review of my song called ‘blurry’

[Julia Fox]

Blurry lyrics 

by the muse Julia Fox

 

Spoiler

clouds were falling from me 

pink and orange daydreams 

after lucid nights and humid feels 

clear crystal sky fantasy 

flying with the heavenly black birds

sleeping and waking with a created enemy 

 

control me with your fingers on my dry lips 

show me for once life is real 

and so it’s you and me

 

had blurry visions from a past that isn’t past yet 

you know that I can’t hide what I feel to show what I don’t 

watching through the static 

oceans of a nightmare

wake me up when all of this ends 

because I know it’s not real

And I had enough living in the fantasy 

I've built to live without you in it 

 

scary ghosts with a box full of keys 

they can open all of my obscure hidden fears 

made them the villains from this story

and so is me and so you are in perspective

ruining what could be days of glory

arrived running to say sorry 

 

paralyze me with your tiny brown eyes

show me for once love is real

and so it’s you and me

 

had blurry visions from a past that isn’t past yet 

you know that I can’t hide what I feel to show what I don’t 

watching through the static 

oceans of a nightmare

wake me up when this ends 

because I know it’s not real

And I had enough living in the fantasy 

I've built to live without you in it 

 

verbalizing for centuries 

a life that I won’t live

writing and rewriting

and failing at concluding

if I can’t change my mind 

how the **** could I change yours?

 

had blurry visions from a past that isn’t past yet 

you know that I can’t hide what I feel to show what I don’t 

watching through the static 

oceans of a nightmare

wake me up when this ends 

because I know it’s not real

And I had enough living in the fantasy 

I've built to live without you in it 

 

 

 

 

Edited September 24, 2022 by Julia Fox

[fountain]

25 minutes ago, Aurora said:

We stan a flexible hosting schedule. Skinny reviews cancelled! Thique reviews outsold. 
 

(Where were these Fall emojis two rounds ago during the Deciduous challenge…)

Right? and  would’ve been so perfect 

[beatinglikeadrum]

I mean, we know already who won.

 

Also are we doing Grammy awardsfor GH ?

[Hug]

27 minutes ago, hurricane326 said:

Who? 

Congratulations Element on automatically winning GH2 with just NIGHT VISIONS II: TETRIS HYPNOTIC scoring straight 100s

[Euterpe]

Just now, Hug said:

Congratulations Element on automatically winning GH2 with just NIGHT VISIONS II: TETRIS HYPNOTIC scoring straight 100s

@Element Oh wow. 

[Element]

46 minutes ago, Hug said:

Congratulations Element on automatically winning GH2 with just NIGHT VISIONS II: TETRIS HYPNOTIC scoring straight 100s

[fountain]

2 hours ago, beatinglikeadrum said:

Also are we doing Grammy awardsfor GH ?

Tbh we haven’t discussed that at all, at least yet. We didn’t for the first season, because we thought it might end up just being a repeat of the rankings throughout the season and would probably overlap with songs that earned Golden Hit Tokens already, but it’s possible we could do it. It’ll definitely be brought up and considered!

[8thPrince]

 

ROUND 5 REVIEWS (round 4 will be incoming as well!)

 

 

 

 

Camfuckingrockwell - Paradise

 

“Life has been so cruel/trying to devour my pureness” I really like this line, and I think it helps strengthen the concept established in your initial verse, in how a lot of people interpret dreaming and sleep as being a moment where we can escape stress and our problems. That was a really interesting start to the song! I did find that there’s not much meat to the song as a whole however: Paradise here seems to be a metaphor for “a world not like the one I escape when I sleep”, but we don’t get specifics of what we’re running from or what this paradise would be like, other than the birds or rainbow, which are familiar symbols of peace. I think for the final round, you’d be able to craft something more compelling by setting the concept like you did in the first verse here, and then giving us either greater specifics or stronger images to describe the world the song is set in.

 

Kylie Jenner - Ephemeral

 

This was very well written! You were able to pull a lot of interesting images and compelling phrases out, so I applaud your crafting. Personally, I liked “does the candlelight flicker of your heartbeat lull you into heaven?” and the image of a glowing crown, so it was smart to put the latter into the chorus. I think a lot of people can identify with wanting to be asleep and in dreams rather than encountering harsh reality. I thought the outro was a nice, metaphorical take on awakening, and stating that waking up is like a nightmare starting is a familiar, but fun twist. All in all, the more I think about it, the more I find to like, here!

 

Hurricane326 - A Conversation with Nik

 

First off, I want to say that I’m very appreciative that you were comfortable to share this with us, and I’m very glad that whatever troubles you were going through in the past have been resolved and that you came out as a victor and a stronger person. This was really high concept, and I’m seeing how the ‘you’ in the song needs to talk about this with Nikolas in order to close this chapter and appreciate that they have improved and won’t go down his path. This is another ”the more I sit with it, the more I like it” song, with a caveat. I think narratively it’s very sound, but could’ve benefited a lot more from being about “you” than trying to insert semi-biographical details about Nik, such as speculation on the outcome of the trial. In fact, I think it actually could’ve worked without Nik’s dialogue at all! The piece does give me dramatic poetry/stage delivery rather than a song due to the exchanges, and some of the advice (Especially the agony portion), does feel surface. Really ambitious, but I think it could be reworked into something sharper.

 

XO_Life - Dreamscape

 

Okay it definitely gave Purposeful Pop Katy and Marina but that’s a huge risk as I personally find their songs in that vein are an extremely mixed bag filled with mostly negatives. And I do want to be honest and say I believe this song had bad luck as it kept pulling out the negative elements consistently. You got the upbeat, ultimately positive vibes of those songs and the structure down pat, but the same criticisms their songs got originally apply here: Vagueness, generic images, and heavy handedness are pervasive. I thought the second verse (And especially the news/Jews line) was probably the biggest example of this. The lyricism didn’t hit the mark for me this time, the message is positive, but the way it’s communicated is sort of clumsy/generic. It definitely works as a pop song, and you’ve shown through all the rounds that you can write a pop song, but for the finale, I think you can showcase a pop song that rises above anything that’s on Top 40 radio. I challenge you to ask “how can I say, ‘there’s no more hate/wars’, without saying ‘hate’ or ‘war’?”. It might help to come up with a story that has that message, and then tell it in song form, rather than trying to turn a slogan like “end poverty” into a full length Verse-Prechorus-Chorus song. I’m looking forward to what you do for round 6, thank you for your consistency so far!

 

Hug - The You I Remember

 

I thought this was really sweet! I liked the concept you mentioned of how dreams are even stronger than memories and you can end up just seeing someone as how they were in the past, rather than now. I think you picked a difficult and personal topic, but wrote the song in a sensitive way so that you could give a feeling of fondness rather than sadness, which is a hard balancing act, but I think you managed. It’s also a testament to your strengths in that I don’t think anyone will walk away from reading this feeling bummed, but rather will have a strong appreciation for what your mom was like at her best. Thanks for sharing!

 

TruGemini - Same Old Discussions

 

I think this may be my favorite song from you so far! I think your concept of this mirroring the nonlinear nature of dreams actually works, despite my apprehension after reading the additional info first. I get a very strong sense of vibe, and even what the song genre would be, just from reading the lyrics. Definitely one of the songs I was looking forward to rereading after my first look. My advice for your final song in the next challenge sort of ties in to your formatting choices: Rather than trying to imply the rhythm through using excess commas and punctuation, write the lyrics without them, and figure out specific phrases and intentional word choice that force the reader to read your lyrics exactly as you intend the melody/rhythm to go. That would give your songs an extra dimension, rather than messing with the formatting.

 

Allday - Night Terrors

 

I thought writing about night terrors was an interesting idea! My mom has them often and it’s always a real shock to hear her screaming randomly in the night, so I’m sorry that it seems you have them too! For the song, I think it shares a weakness a lot of your other entries have had in being too plain and just describing actions and scenes in literal ways. I get the feeling you wanted to describe a sense of terror, but everything’s so dryly stated, and as a result nothing sticks with me after reading. I appreciate your consistency in submitting each round, however! For the finale, I’d love to see you blow us away with a song that’s richer in metaphor, rather than being so grounded in literal speech.

 

Julia Fox - Blurry

 

So this song definitely has a very esoteric style, and I still have different parts that jump out to me on each subsequent reread. I think the atmosphere matches that of dreams, where a lot really are inscrutable, and aren’t meant to make perfect sense. “A past that isn’t past yet”, to me, implies the narrator understanding they’ll regret not letting a romantic interest know how they feel if they don’t act now? And by the end of the song, they’re tired of trying to formulate the perfect way to phrase this while protecting their feelings, and resolve to just come out with it. I liked that your song is open to interpretation on what story is being told, and that it made me think a bit to find a meaning.

 

Beatinglikeadrum - C13H16N2O2

 

“They joined the forces to create a hole /in this reality's dense metallic core” Definitely my favorite line in the song, I love how you expressed escapism and the themes of the song in a metaphorical way. Overall I like the central concept, and the clever choice and use of the title. The way you tried to mesh technology with the unknown in an artistic way for the opening verse was also a nice choice, one that carries on through the rest of the song. Overall, I enjoyed this piece, and I think you accomplished your goal of showing the science of dreams in a way that still lets dreams retain their mystical quality.

 

Augmented - The Fall

 

I thought this was really well structured, very tight in both its rhyme scheme and its meter. This helped a lot in making the grander presentation still have some sort of tether to remain grounded and approachable. I also like that you took the challenge in a slightly different direction, where a lot of people opted to highlight dreams as escapism for reality, you did the opposite in an exploration of nightmares. All in all, ths did a fine job of establishing a specific mood that maintains throughout the entire piece. I’m interested to see in the final round whether we get a refinement of this style or something completely different!

 

Legend E - Floating by (-¿zzz?-)

 

I actually kind of like the open ending that serves to loop the song back round to the beginning. It drives home your intention of showing the repeating cycle of exhaustion that the narrator’s insomnia causes. I also like how you touch on in the prechorus that the narrator’s room is a mess, it does a nice job of drawing a parallel between that and their mental state, and how mental complications begin affecting their physical situation. Nice job of establishing setting, and my personal highlight. The one weakness I’d draw attention to is that perhaps the song is on too tight of a cycle, where there’s not a major development or deviation along the path from the beginning of the night to the start of the next one. I think more of the social/mental implications that insomnia carries like is touched on in the outro would’ve given the piece a bit more texture.

 

Euterpe - Did you hear that?

 

Now while I haven’t heard of this specific phenomena, it does remind me of that mid-sleep experience where like you fall or are shot and suddenly jolt up, so I could kind of connect to it that way! Looking through that lens, I thought this was a super unique and interesting topic that I haven’t seen before. I love that you used short lines and shorter actions to give a sense of paranoia and urgency. The first and last stanzas make a nice contrast, setting up and winding down the song, respectively. This has a different feel to your other songs, and I’m appreciating the versatility. Overall, I thought this was very neat, and I enjoyed reading it! 

 

JoeAg - Felt You Watching Over Me

 

I quite liked the opening verses, they paint the scene of waking up from a bad dream really well. The hot sheets, sweat, the exact details of the dream slowly fading, etc. But overall, while trying to consider your additional info, I didn’t get a feel of this being about a nightmare, specifically? I was trying to interpret it, and between the titular line and the line about your future children, I was thinking this was about a grandmother looking over someone in a guardian angel sort of way? Though the last line of the song is the first truly aggressive one, and is the only one that makes me think that this ‘you’ the song is addressed to is more like a malevolent force. I’ve let it sit with me for a couple of days, but I still can’t quite decipher how the additional info and the song are to be reconciled. Still nicely written, but I haven’t quite cracked your style yet.

 

Element - NIGHT VISIONS II: TETRIS HYPNOTIC

 

Okay, so I’m very glad you decided to submit even for one round! Doubly glad because I really and honestly enjoyed this immensely. It’s completely unlike every other song I’ve read in Golden Hit so far, it’s creative, and best of all, it’s catchy. I was so excited to read this again after my initial first-reads, and it definitely held up. Great take on the challenge!

 

Worldwide angel - Twilight

 

I’ve got a tough decision to make on scoring because this was definitely your best submission so far. I thought this was an evolution and refinement of your Round 1 song Eternal. Both here and there, you did a great job of communicating a sense of wonder and exploration. Here, the word choice is just perfect, and you use enough words to paint the scene, but not so much that the piece feels heavy or bloated. The entire bridge is perfectly balanced in my opinion, and the central line “such a glorious and calm twilight” is the perfect button on each chorus. Really well done! Honestly, I wouldn’t have you change up anything, bring this, but even better for the finale!
 

 

Edited September 25, 2022 by 8thPrince

[Legend E]

Thanks for the review and the tips, 8th!  

[Element]

Thank you, 8thPrince!! So glad you enjoyed

[worldwide angel]

the review i just read  really thought this would be my worst reviewed bc of the way i rushed

 

also not it being the finale already 

[Jackson]

my reviews will be coming today – buy my Dreamscape inspired EP for an automatic 10

 

 

[fountain]

39 minutes ago, Jackson said:

my reviews will be coming today – buy my Dreamscape inspired EP for an automatic 10

 

 

 

may I cash in my receipt from 10th February 2018 for said 10? 

[Jackson]

40 minutes ago, fountain said:

 

may I cash in my receipt from 10th February 2018 for said 10? 

10s forever for you  

[fountain]

Round 5: The Dreamscape Challenge, Part 2

 

@TruGemini - Same Old Discussions

I really liked the concept and the discussion of how sometimes in love it can feel like a stagnant cycle where you keep repeating the same things and having the same discussions, and I liked how this was explored throughout the song like nice comparisons like being stuck in stasis or in a dream. However, I don’t think the song gives off enough of a dream vibe as I could have hoped for, I understand from the description of the song that you tried to incorporate this into the structure of the song, but when it comes to the actual lyrics within the song we don’t really see any incorporation of the challenge until the very last section, so I would have liked to see it developed more throughout the whole song lyrically too. But, instead of looking at what the song didn’t do and instead focusing on what it did do, I think this is a nice exploration of a relationship and as usual I love the flare that I know I can always count on in your writing. Overall a good song, but could have incorporated the challenge more directly. 

 

@Allday - Night Terrors

I think you’ve incorporated the challenge wonderfully in your song, and choosing to explore the theme of night terrors feels really fitting for the type of music style that I’ve come to expect from you. I think this is probably your strongest entry so far, in the past I’ve given feedback that you might not have incorporated the challenges enough but this time you’ve definitely excelled at it and written something fully encompassed in the theme and explored it nicely. I also liked the inclusion of the idea that because of these experiences the narrator would be afraid to go asleep again, which as somebody who’s experienced night terrors I can relate to, and I liked that this was represented because I think most people who don’t suffer with sleep related issues wouldn’t have any idea that there are people who fear or hate the idea of sleeping (it was only one lyric so maybe it could’ve been explored more throughout the song but at the very least I liked this aspect a lot). Overall I think this is a good entry, and like I said probably your best and most well rounded so far. Good job!

 

@Julia Fox - Blurry

Ms. Fox, this song is up there with vintage for me, I really enjoyed it! I loved the way you tackled this challenge in such a vividly beautiful way with your imagery, but also kept it very unique and artsy with some of your choices (dry lips, tiny eyes), and also had the relationship aspect and it’s story to help ground the song too and not make it too dreamy; it was really nicely balanced and I can say there isn’t any part of it that I didn’t enjoy. Lyrically I think the song is really strong too, my absolutely favourite thing about your writing is your unique perspective and I love when you sprinkle your songs with really interesting images such as the ones mentioned above; I can say we’ve had no other lyrics mention dry lips or tiny eyes yet with your style you pull them off so naturally and I think it’s the best part of your writing in my opinion. Personally, I’d love for your final song next round to see you embrace this to the absolute maximum and fill your entry with as many of these unique ideas that come to you as possible (though not in a forced way; so long as they are natural and make sense to the song). Overall though I think this is a strong entry, perhaps your best, certainly fighting for the title with vintage. Good job!

 

@beatinglikeadrum - C13H16N2O2

Okay I liked your last entry but now THIS is a return to form. I just absolutely adore your abstract poetic style. This is a really strong exploration of dreams, really enthralling and a wonderful interpretation of the challenge. Your lyrics totally pull me in, you definitely have a way with words and when you put your all into a song (and don’t serve a Cock-a-doodle-do moment) you just absolutely serve. My review will have to be on the shorter side unfortunately, because there are only so many ways to say that I enjoyed something. But I did, I really enjoyed this. Very good job!

 

@Augmented - The Fall

I really love the conceptual nature of this and it definitely feels like you’ve pushed yourself and put a lot into this entry. At first when reading through I didn’t think it was touching on the challenge enough, but then when it became more clear throughout the song, and once I reached the part where the connection is made  between dreams being the only  place where this person can be their true self and the waking world actually being more of a nightmare itself, inflicted by sleep, that I really fell in love with the interpretation. It’s a really nice take on both the sleep challenge and also incorporation of deeper themes about society and discrimination, and I thought it was really well done. I think this is some of your most lyrically strong writing to date too, usually your writing is a little more simpler or straight forward (not in a bad way, but in a personal and direct way) but I think you really pushed yourself stylistically here and it was fun to see. Great job, another very strong entry from you!

[Julia Fox]

Thank you 8th and fountain!  Hope to serve my best on the finale! 

[fountain]

8 minutes ago, Julia Fox said:

Thank you 8th and fountain!  Hope to serve my best on the finale! 

Look forward to the challenge in a few hours 

[Jackson]

 

@camfuckingrockwell – Paradise
I’m happy to see you back this week! I think this song was a big improvement from week one. There are a few things I think you did well this week. Using phrases like “devouring my pureness” is quite vivid and interesting, and does a great job of portraying the emotion present in the song without needing to say “life is depressing”. I also love the use of questions in songs. It’s a great way to engage the reader and force deeper thought. Personifying the idea of paradise in “paradise please rescue me” was quite effective – I could see this being a catchy midtempo pop hook. My main piece of advice would be to play with your song structure. Your short line and section lengths limit how much you say – I was left wanting more, because I loved how you approached the topic. Lyrically, my one criticism would be on the first line of the second verse. “I found a beach by the shore” was redundant, considering beach and shore are synonymous. I really hope you submit again next week – I’d love to see what else you’re capable of.

 

@Kylie Jenner – Ephemeral
This was a quite unexpected direction in my mind, but I really enjoyed it. Structurally, there were some cool things you did here. I liked how you used opposites throughout the song (fly/fall, light/dusk, wax/wane) to create contrast and highlight the dreamy nature of the song. I also really enjoyed the pre-chorus and how you used rhyming across sections of the song (“are you alive when the clock strikes one?” vs “are you alright when the clock strikes four?”). Your chorus was stellar – it was catchy but memorable. The final couplet, “Am I human or just a dreamer?/ Is this real or just a fever” is something I could see popping into my head throughout the week. There were a couple times in the verses when the uneven meter disrupted the song’s flow. This can be easily spotted by reading the lyrics out loud poetically to see if they flow when read. Otherwise, this was an excellent entry and probably my favorite from you this season.

 

@hurricane326 – A Conversation With Nik
I have some conflicting thoughts about this one. Unlike last week, I felt like you had something to say here, and there’s no denying this is quite an original concept. I’m glad you went for something so big and difficult to tackle, and the way you made the entire thing a conversation was creative, too. Still, the structure was ambitious to the point that it felt less like a song and more like a poem. I don’t necessarily think that’s a bad thing, but it didn’t have any repetition or recurring motif that would stick with me and provide some of the catchiness that make lyrical writing great. Your songs are typically filled with memorable one-liners, and I don’t think there were any to take away here. Thematically, something felt off as well. I don’t think you handled the subject matter in an insensitive way, but I think describing the victims of the Parkland shooter as mentally troubled people rather than the shooting victims didn’t feel quite right to me. Sure, there’s room for multiple groups to be harmed here, but the acts were so heinous that I think it was a bit of a misstep to not even mention gun violence in a song like this. I certainly applaud you for taking such a big risk this week, even if it didn’t fully connect for me.

 

@XO_Life – Dreamscape
I think your list of inspirations was spot on – I get Little Mix, Katy, and Marina from this. Along with those inspirations came some of their strengths and weaknesses. This felt very commercial and catchy, especially in the chorus. There were some lines in the verses I enjoyed a lot, too. “We are looking at reality/Tears, blood, sweat and a missing melody” was a great opening couplet. I also liked “the biggest sinners” line in the first verse. I think the idea of a few bad people in the world making everything a worse place for everyone and them having the power to change would have been an original, compelling concept for an entire song. Instead, there were times when a great concept felt buried beneath clichés. Katy’s my fave, but I’ll admit her woke songs often opt for empty platitudes rather than insightful calls to action. In the same way, the second verse felt out of place with the rest of the song. Rhyming “news” with “Jews” and discussing nature burning felt slightly jarring after a chorus with lines like “Pink lips, ice cream, everyone feeling okay”. Overall, I think this was a good song that needed a little bit of focus. It had a good message and some memorable lines, but that message could have been streamlined to be even more impactful. 

 

@Hug – The You I Remember
I’ve been a little sick this week, so I’ve had a box of Kleenex sitting next to my desk while writing reviews. Funny that I suddenly had to use it while reading your outro – and are watering eyes a new symptom? This week felt like a continuance of the Hug-naissance that’s been going since round 3. What I loved most about this is that it felt very commercial and pop-leaning in the structured, perfectly metered chorus and repetition in the verses, yet still had a strong, emotional storytelling element to it. The way you write is so believable, enough so that if you told me any of your songs were about personal events I’d believe you, but the fact that this one really is personal made it that much more emotionally resonant. There was so much here to love, I’m not sure if I can pick any individual line as my favorite, but the final “Yeah, that’s the you I remember” was such a touching way to close the song. I can see it being spoken like a “There it is, Katheryn” but actually poignant. I have to leave you with some advice, so I’d say the pre-chorus was not quite as strong as the rest, and “Everyone that knew you knew you were so much more” is still a bit of a tongue-twister for me, but I’ve essentially already forgotten about that and am on my way to pick up my stan card now.

 

@TruGemini – Same Old Discussions
One thing I’ve come to appreciate about your songs is how well they flow. Reading your lyrics is such a breezy experience I often have to go back and focus on what the words mean rather than just enjoying how they sound. I love the concept you chose, likening a relationship to the chaotic unpredictability of dreaming. Some of the more unexpected events, like the Mets game reference, had a tongue in cheek quality that added an additional layer to the song. I loved the almost excessive internal rhyming in the first verse. Even though every word wasn’t totally necessary, it added an interesting poetic element and provided some order in an otherwise chaotical song lyrically and structurally. “You water me in this garden, ruffle me until I bloom” was the standout lyric for me. There isn’t anything I disliked here, although the chorus did get lost in the lyrics for me. It was probably the least interesting part of the song surrounded by the intricate rhyming and vivid imagery in the verses. This might be a new season best for you.

 

@Allday – Night Terrors
Even before reading your lyrics, I just have to say I love your title. Night terrors are a real, medical thing, but also a cool theme for a song. With that, I think this song is one of your stronger entries this season for that reason. You chose a concept that’s a little more out of the box, and that instantly made it an interesting read. Your lyrics always read as unfiltered – I’m not sure anyone else would put “Demon screaming in my face” and “I’m screaming for help, I’m screaming WTF” in a chorus, and I love that about you. I also love that you referenced your fave in the verse. You did mention that you put this together in about 10 minutes, and it does seem rushed in some ways. While the song could have used some revisions and refinement, I think you have a strong concept here and a base song to expand upon when you have more time.

 

@Julia Fox – Blurry
This song was a mix of old Julia Fox and new Julia Fox. Old Julia songs have an unrefined grittiness to them, but can feel unfinished. I got some of that in lines like “paralyze me with your tiny brown eyes” and “Control me with your fingers on my dry lips” – it’s certainly a striking image, but perhaps not in the most satisfying way. Conversely, the “vintage” new Julia Fox crafts more polished gems like “had blurry visions from a past that isn’t past yet” – unconventionally phrased bits of wisdom sprinkled into enticing visuals of “pink and orange daydreams”. Your concept and structure here are solid, and you have a few standout lyrics. In addition to what I mentioned above,  I loved “writing and rewriting/and failing at concluding”. I quite enjoyed this, and had some of the clunkier lines been cleaned up, this would have been even better.

 

@beatinglikeadrum – C13H16N2O2
Your intellectual serve – I haven’t had a chemistry class since undergrad so I definitely had to google the title. As for your lyrics… honestly, I’m absolutely shook by this. Like, lyrically annihilated. You’ve shown a tremendous amount of growth this season, and this is the culmination of weeks of hard work. Almost every week, you’ve given us incredibly deeply thought out concepts and immersive, colorful lyrical worlds. I’m not sure if you followed my editing advice from last week, but the grammatical and spelling mistakes here were almost nonexistent. This song is smart, conceptually riveting, colorful, and thought provoking. Your chorus flowed so well off the tongue and mixed catchy, poetic lyrics with interesting concepts. “My desires and pain/my happiness and my hate/because they all conflate/in the matrix of my brain” JESUS, what a lyric. Some other highlights – “Nightmares are written in simulation/Sweet dreams are created by stimulation”, “Tropical birds are the processor of my heart, their song’s projecting the sounds of the truth”, and “This is my cathedral of peace, the only place I can breathe”. I very seldomly give out 10s because I always want to leave room for that song that just gives a little bit more. For me, the difference between a 9.5 and a 10 is that indescribable wow factor, and for the second time this season I’m happy to say someone’s earned it.

 

@Augmented – The Fall
Love you following my advice from last week on theme, maybe I’m not a flop judge after all. Your writing skills automatically earn you a good 7 or so points every week – your meter/flow are impeccable as always, your lyrics are vibrant and evocative, and there’s always a tight, musical quality to your lyrics. I love some of your lyrics here – the last line of the third section and first line of the fourth section (“misfortune” and “mind”) have  a beautifully sinister quality to them. This feels very self-deprecating in a cruel yet poetic way. At times, I think the elevated language and metaphors took away some of the emotional poignancy. I felt like there was more to the “phase” section of the song yet it was shielded enough lyrically that I didn’t feel its full weight. This is a beautiful, well thought out song, but I think it was still missing a certain piece of you that would have made the vivid imagery even more impactful.

 

@Legend E – Floating by (-¿zzz?-)
What a Bon Iver title. You have an incredibly strong opening couplet – I love the image of a metaphorical river searching for a place to empty its weight. I think your prechorus is very strong too. The tornado line is perhaps unnecessary, but I don’t think it detracts from the song. You always have a few metaphorically ambitious lines in your songs, and this song is a great example of where some work and some don’t. The “orchestra” line in the second verse was beautifully executed, yet “whispers” in the chorus wouldn’t have connected had I not read your other information section, so I’d just remind you to not make lines TOO cryptic. Sometimes you write what I can only describe as Taylor Swift lyrics – lines that have multiple hidden layers of meaning that could only be deciphered a decade later when an army of teenagers without personal boundaries pry apart your personal life and write essays on the purported meaning of a verse. Conversely, the first two lines of the chorus made sense to me but didn’t flip the cliché enough to warrant inclusion in a chorus. Despite this, I should clarify that I quite enjoyed this song, but you’ve reached the caliber of writer where I think it’s more helpful for me to point out what doesn’t work than to endlessly dote on your strengths. Still, let me take a minute to do so. I loved your outro and how it implies a cyclical nature to the song. I think that works well with theme of insomnia. I also loved the internal rhyming at the end of the prechorus, and how you used repetition in different sections to tie ideas together. While this wasn’t my absolute favorite from you so far, I think that was still among your better songs of the season.

 

@Euterpe – Did you hear that?
So… yeah. Lol, I laughed at your other information section. I’ve never heard of exploding head syndrome so thank you for enlightening me. I think you turned a corner in your songwriting last week. You mentioned in round 3 that you struggled to write in a way that’s not literal, but I’ve felt a big shift in that the past couple weeks. You took an interesting concept and executed it well this week. In addition, although your lines were pretty short, every word felt intentional and important to the overall story and feel of the song. Even the repeated words and onomatopoeia added some essential color. You also had an excellent structural balance here. Every section was equally strong to the point that even your second verse (to me, the highlight of the song) could have been a chorus. “What do you do when it’s only you” hints at a deeper meaning at the end of the song. I would have loved to see this expanded upon to make it more than just a song about dreaming and provide an additional layer. Still, what you have here is excellent and exceeded in quality only by your near-flawless R4 submission.

 

@JoeAg – Felt You Watching Over Me
I think every JoeAg song has a few lyrical tiers, and they’re all quite distinct and unique. At a base level, your songs always have vivid, often peculiar lyrics that stick with the reader. An example of this would be “Am i starlight under perfumed drapes?”. It’s unique enough to stick out, but it’s pretty, poetic, and fairly easy to understand in meaning. Then there’s the intriguing metaphors, such as “Airplane crash right as I awaken”. Again, I think this adds a lot of color to your lyrics, yet through context I still understand what you’re trying to say. The final tier is the sort of esoteric, is-it-metaphor-or-isn’t-it lyrics that enthrall yet perplex me. Are you singing to your literal grandmother, or is it a metaphor for death, or is a figment of your nightmares? Do you have a strong personal connection to a county of 6,000 people in Georgia, or did the name just sound interesting? As I’ve said in past reviews, I appreciate the specificity of your lyrics, but sometimes I think additional context or explanation within the lyrics would be helpful. 

 

@Element – NIGHT VISIONS II: TETRIS HYPNOTIC
Um hello. It’s been YEARS since my first run playing Platinum Hit, so I honestly I have no recollection of Night Visions I, but if you still have a copy you should share it so we can re-read the prequel. But wow, what an interesting concept. I didn’t know what Tetris effect or phosphenes were before reading this, so thank you for enlightening me. My favorite part of this was the way you matched the structure and tone of the song to the lyrics. The sense of peril and urgency gained pace throughout the song, all leading to a final breaking point. I appreciated that you used a variety of colors and shapes to reinforce the concept without it becoming overbearingly repetitive. Phrases like “neural commotion” and chromatic hell” added vibrancy to the lyrics and even the more elevated language fit the feeling of the song. While I don’t think you did anything wrong, the song could have benefited from an additional layer of meaning or change in perspective. Still, it was an incredibly inspired and original song, and something that was a lot of fun to read. I hope inspiration strikes again next week – I’d love to see more!

 

@worldwide angel – Twilight
This was such a fun read. I love your concept – I totally relate to that feeling of waking up and wanting to go back into a dream, yet not being able to. You also did a phenomenal job of describing that feeling when you’re in a dream, yet everything’s a little blurry and doesn’t quite make sense – and you did it in such a beautiful, poetic way (although using the second instance of “blurry” within one verse could have been altered). For that reason, the first verse was the highlight of the song for me – it was so descriptive of something I haven’t seen in a song before. “Feel the falsities trickle down my feet” was a gorgeous line. Your chorus was effective, though the second half was stronger than the first, specifically in “two versions of the same brave soul”. Where many writers focus on the darker aspects of life, I love that you embrace the simple, tranquil moments many take for granted. There’s always an easiness and sense of peace to your lyrics that I appreciate. I thought the second verse was filler in comparison to the rest of the song, but this was still such an enjoyable entry and one of my favorites from you.

[worldwide angel]

thank you @Jackson

[beatinglikeadrum]

Thank you judges for such kind words. I was really scared when I sent the song. Glad to hear you enjoyed it.

Edited September 25, 2022 by beatinglikeadrum

[Hug]

So I will admit that a big reason I don't often write truly personal things is because I think I have a difficult time doing my own feelings justice. To be able to see reviews that effectively state the opposite is true, even if on this one instance, is very reassuring to me and it makes me feel like I can tackle this aspect of my writing I didn't think I was particularly strong in.

[Jackson]

13 minutes ago, hurricane326 said:

what? I did absolutely no such thing. Please point to where in the song I described the victims as mentally troubled. I'm actually kinda pissed you somehow managed to think that. Wtf

 

Because the song isn't about guns, it's about the dream I had connecting to my own trauma. Did you read the lengthy description I wrote in my submission?

 

These are the three one-liners:

 

They say you never stood a chance
A monster waiting to be made
I see it quite differently
You waited until you became

 

Only that your rage was expressed
Only that others would feel your pain

You thought it would vanquish all of it
And yet it still remains - 

 

If you're lucky you'll be spared
In protection for twenty years
You are a student's worst nightmare"

 

"So then why are you here?"

 

 

Those highlighted lines don't scream one-liner to me, but it's really such a subjective thing and if you enjoy them, that's what matters. For me, nothing specific stuck out beyond the overall concept, which I did find to be quite original. These reviews are meant only as constructive, outside perspectives to your songwriting, so if you disagree with what I've written feel free to disregard it.