Hug Posted September 11, 2022 Posted September 11, 2022 In an Ariana Grande Snapchat story levels of emotional swerve, I was looking at my GH ideas card and saw plagiarism was on there so I decided I'm sending this instead of writing an original entry.
Julia Fox Posted September 11, 2022 Posted September 11, 2022 distracted “but you have no right to talk about anything you don’t know how it takes to make me this angry how could I tolerate all the **** that you did and the worst part it’s that I can’t forget your lips”
Hug Posted September 11, 2022 Posted September 11, 2022 6 minutes ago, Julia Fox said: distracted “but you have no right to talk about anything you don’t know how it takes to make me this angry how could I tolerate all the **** that you did and the worst part it’s that I can’t forget your lips” You may want to consider changing "how" to "what" in the second line to be grammatically correct. ♥ but come on hate sex bop?
Better Mistakes Posted September 11, 2022 Posted September 11, 2022 5 hours ago, Better Mistakes said: i'm inspired in my music and have been working on my own album inspired by folklore. Like, i might even shoot photos for this project The Green Once upon a time, when were young Before you knew her name The woods were filled with love And innocence that never felt too strange Oh, once upon a time, when we were young And the trees were all we had All the poetry you birthed in me from when you held my hand
Julia Fox Posted September 11, 2022 Posted September 11, 2022 4 minutes ago, Hug said: You may want to consider changing "how" to "what" in the second line to be grammatically correct. ♥ but come on hate sex bop? Thank you! and yeah it looks like it!
Jackson Posted September 11, 2022 Posted September 11, 2022 3 hours ago, Euterpe said: I do all these things. You could also try outsourcing some of your inspiration to poetry, movies, or other songs. Some of my favorite songs are essentially re-writes of other songs or poems 33 minutes ago, Hug said: Okay I wanted to respond to this because some of what you said made me think a bit. I really have been more focused on making technically sound things and branching out to different ideas (PLEASE THROW AWAY YOUR MENTIONS OF THE WORD IRONY AT THE DOOR) as opposed to making things that feature the qualities that long-time participants in these games may know me for. Tbh I'm shocked I'm the only one who thought to do a treehouse theme this time I thought it'd be another obvious route. I appreciated seeing what you view a typical "me" piece to be like, and that you called it a return to form of sorts. I said the same thing to a certain dearly-departed-from-ATRL friend when I was talking to them about my entry this week. I felt like this was more "me" than any of my other entries this season, and having that reaffirmed by one of the most respectable members of our community we've built means a lot to me. Thank you. ♥ Oh, and I think now is a good of time as any to apologize to the judges for also having to play therapist in the thread when we have meltdowns over our performances or are just not feeling confident about our abilities. That is NOT what you signed up for, but it's tradition in these writing games at this point. We're an emotional bunch and that's why we write to begin with isn't it? ? I feel like I have no good advice to offer someone that's been playing this game longer than me, so the best I could do was offer my analysis of your writing this season and hopefully give you something to think about, so I'm glad it was useful for something. Considering how many personal entries we receive each week, there's perhaps a little bit of a therapist role baked into the judging position, and that's what songwriting is in the first place. Now that we're halfway through the season I thought it would be interesting to try to analyze certain peoples' thoughts and trajectories in addition to their songs 6 minutes ago, Better Mistakes said: Oh, once upon a time, when we were young And the trees were all we had All the poetry you birthed in me from when you held my hand Not you doing a full album for the challenge. Finale idea?
Jackson Posted September 11, 2022 Posted September 11, 2022 looking through my ATRL songwriting discography, I have more songs about trees than I thought. Posting them below for fun The Tree - PH7 (#11 peak) verse I hear their screams through the door Drunken words just like before Can I please just sleep tonight? Can't make it through another fight Mom and dad won't go to sleep One on the bed, one on the street Say this is love, so I'm afraid To feel this kind of love someday prechorus Is this love? Broken bottles, empty curses in the air Is this love? Broken soul at nine years old, thinking I'm too young to care chorus So I run away to the tree Sturdy wood in a stormy sea The only warmth that I have ever known Dream under rustling leaves Of a home away from grief But hazy fantasies are all I know verse Now I'm ready to move on So I sneak out until dawn Give my life up to a stranger in the night Make it rough and make it quick Don't give me time to regret this Call this love just to get me in bed prechorus Is this love? Beer stained clothes smelling like smoke, you take me there Is this love? Say you'll call but I can see that you don't care chorus So I run away to the tree Sturdy wood in a stormy sea The only warmth that I have ever known Dream under rustling leaves Of a home away from grief But hazy fantasies are all I know verse Till I run once again Find my tree where it's always been Standing tall even as I fall year by year But it's different this time I find another to make mine Two broken souls to make one heart appear prechorus Is this love? Racing hearts and lives that mean something more Is this love? Feelings that I didn't know I could live for chorus So we run away from the tree Sturdy wood to take with me Just a candle in the fire that I know Dreams become reality Find a home of clarity Real life fantasies are all I know Ode - SOTS4 (#2 peak) Our love is a sparkler A slow burn fizzling through a July night Fireworks explode above us, each lasting just a moment But we burn on, spark by spark Some waste the night soaring into a dark sky But we stay grounded Just dim enough to see fireflies float under a full moon One instrument in an evening symphony Our love is a current Coursing through an endless ocean On a canvas of endless space, we flow through life The same as last season We could try to fight the tide But we both know we’d end up in the same place Washed ashore in your everlasting embrace Just to dive back into its pull Our love is a palm tree Best appreciated on a summer day But weathered through long winters One storm at a time Longing for a warmer day But trying our hardest to appreciate the cold ones So when the crowds drift home in an Autumn breeze We hold onto our warmest memories Our love is a sunflower A single ray of sunlight igniting a fallow field Towering above the others An influence for them to one day sit on our shoulders Summer after summer growing even taller Like a golden lighthouse as robins fly north for spring Taking a seed of sunlight with them Until our love covers the Earth You Almost Knew My Name - GH1 (#10 peak) A single bead of sweat dripped down my cheek as sunlight blazed The only sight of moisture on that hot October day Yellowed grasses crackled as my boots transferred their weight Circled by a lifeless forest chiseled by my blade I set timber mounds upon the ground and lit a feeble flame Then traced the railroad back to town to end another day The sky ignited orange under the sun’s setting rays Then turned to ashen black as specks of starlight took their place I squinted through the door to discern where the children laid Snoring in their mother’s arms as cricket concerts played So I hung my tattered hat to rest upon the fireplace And stretched my tired body on the creaking floorboard frame Till suddenly a swirl of smoke came jolting me awake Amber glows imbued the air with panic as I raced I shook my flummoxed family as the air turned murky gray We darted for the door before the flames barred our escape Horizons brightened ruby red through skyscrapers of flames Towering trees came tumbling as our humble hometown blazed A hell as scorched as this could only ever end in fame It only takes catastrophe for history to know your name We ran as fast as fate allowed, restrained by little legs As hands gripped my shirt tighter I just shuddered off the pain We weaved through throngs of people screaming through the crackling flames And headed for the river, hoping it would give us grace I felt a dwindled grip let go, but only just too late I only caught a glimpse of fear fade into the red blaze We couldn’t afford sadness, so we turned our grief to rage Powering each footstep as we reached the water’s face Suddenly the sizzling air could finally abate I dunked my body under to find refuge from the blaze With one hand holding firmly to my loved ones that remained I kicked through rushing water, searching for a safer place I grasped a branch of driftwood, hoping that it wouldn’t break Watched everything I knew go from a hometown to a grave And as I felt another grip surrendering its strength I felt the final piece of me conceding to the flames Horizons brightened ruby red through skyscrapers of flames Towering trees came tumbling as our humble hometown blazed A hell as scorched as this could only ever end in fame It only takes catastrophe for history to know your name But just three hundred miles away another city burst in flames And every message we could make was lost in blackened space Two thousand dead could only a make a column on the seventh page Just memories of charred remains forgotten in a day Tales of loving mothers fade eclipsed in fame and disarray And by the cruel desires of fate you only almost knew my name Horizons colored charcoal turned my world to shades of gray Towering trees turned to a field of grim, ravaged remains What once was home became a land of memories erased Ruined by catastrophe and you’ll never know its name
Hug Posted September 11, 2022 Posted September 11, 2022 I don't usually share a cover without having a song to show for it, but I knew exactly what I wanted to do for the cover this week. I might end up remaking it to be bigger because this is small as **** but as it stands this is what I have.
8thPrince Posted September 11, 2022 Posted September 11, 2022 (edited) double post oops Edited September 11, 2022 by 8thPrince
8thPrince Posted September 11, 2022 Posted September 11, 2022 Sorry for the late reviews, been babysitting! Hug - Welcome to the Club I like that you decided to go with a storytelling song for this round. “Over time, your branches split from mine” I liked this line, I felt it was a standout of the piece! I did find the details to be more general, and the plotting didn’t compensate as each section felt more like a snapshot, rather than drawing a narrative arc from opening line to finish. In particular, I thought the idea of the narrator burying the song’s subject to be too sudden, and I don’t quite get why, if taken literally–and the amount of detailing in the final chorus feels literal rather than being a long metaphor–the narrator would be the one with their remains if they did become so distant, as described in the bridge? I think there’s definitely a skeleton of the story, but it still needs additional dressing up, perhaps embellishing actions of the song’s characters instead of solely the narrator’s emotions and reactions, like you did in the opening verse. XO_Life - Old Oak Tree C’mon Taylor influence! I’m not super up to date with her songs, but I’m not sure she’s explored a war-torn couple, so I think that was a new twist on a familiar story format. I like that you attempted to play more with imagery, and I definitely feel the setting. I also like that you added tactile imagery such as the crunching leaves underfoot and tracing the heart in the tree. While I loved the ambitiousness of these devices, I would be careful to make sure you don’t try to lay it on too thick where it’s not needed: I thought the “feathers=leaves” metaphor was too strained and would’ve been better presented just as leaves. All in all, this is definitely your most fleshed out song yet. Hurricane326 - Love Under a Blue Tarp “One hundred degrees the mirror said, I recall” OK I love this detail because my mom’s and eventually my car had the temperature reading in the mirror too. This story is so unique and I appreciate you sharing it with us! I think it’s a great song because it’s a concept that really can only come from the specific writer who created it. It works with and without the description. My only hangup was the central line “live oak tree”. I think this definitely needed reworking as a central line, as it didn’t register as the name of a specific tree species before looking it up. Even if it’s accurate, I thought the name was a little clunky, and even a swap to “evergreen oak”, though more general, might read better, because I definitely read “live” as an adjective, rather than a proper noun. Julia Fox - Coconut Tree Oh Katy is shaking… Actually it does give me Hummingbird Heartbeat/Peacock! It’s camp! Now I do sense the lack of inspiration, but respect you still were determined to send something in. It still has a sense of fun, though if you’d like to try something like this in the future, make sure you don’t flip between flirty (Most of the song) and dirty (the “nut in me” line LMAO). All songs have a tone, so even when taking a risk with something sensual and flirty like this, make sure your tone is ironed out. (For example, “make me lose the perception of space and time” might be a BIT too highbrow for this song!) Euterpe - God-given I think the song concept is very interesting, making it about an observer of humanity and drawing connections through that lens, but I did find that the story told was weak. I think my issue was that the piece is built mainly on personification, and with a theme of personification, it didn’t have the bandwidth to be utilized in a very engaging manner, essentially detailing the parts of a tree. This tree character is also pretty emotionally detached, and I feel like an easy way to spice up this song would to go the opposite route and having them be a biased, emotional observer, rather than an objective one. Allday - Red I appreciate the throughline of red imagery throughout the song. And the rap feature was unexpected! I’m getting the sense that you’re trying to up the level of the types of words you’re using, but I did find it was clunky (“auburn thoughts”) or nonsensical (“you’re polonaise”) a lot of the time. I think your first song showed you can do a lot without needing to invent new turns of phrase. This song implies passion with the red theme, but I’m missing the bite of your first song. I’d suggest stripping things back and focusing on emotion, without trying to make up for it with imagery! Worldwide angel - Sweet Revival I think this song makes a lot of sense and I love the concept of rebirth being like a perennial plant. I think that concept comes across even without the description, which is a strong endorsement for the execution of the song.I do think the song needs a bit of expansion, and perhaps more of an emotional hook? I would’ve liked to see a bit more of the existential dread you described in the song preceding the reassuring chorus, and I think that would’ve been a good way to expand on the song a bit! Beatinglikeadrum - The King This was the song that definitely stuck with me the most upon first read of the entries. Even without any additional info in the song description section, I was able to make out my own story. I felt like this was about dead religions? The first religions were more based around the natural world, rather than personified/humanlike deities, which came around later and contributed to the loss of these earlier religions. So I like the base concept, and the idea of making the main subject of the song one of these “old gods” who have no power over the modern human world. I also thought the style of diction used matched the grandiose feel of the song and its concept. I think this was a job well done! Legend E - Sycamore First off, I really like the line about how the tree makes a canopy that hides them from God’s sight, it’s a very striking image! The song is well composed, and after reading the additional information, while I thought initially it was a little verbose, it does click as a Mariah song, I agree. I do think the song isn’t fully developed yet, and is missing some additional section, as the balance of the narrative is a little lopsided between being all in the present day, up until the final verse which is a huge time jump. What is here is pleasant, but I think that additional section was necessary to really drive this, consider for future songs how you might bridge a time jump like the one that exists in this song, and I think you’ll easily flesh it out. Augmented - Nature’s Law This was really well written and I actually think you did a good job writing an abstract song! The rhyme scheme and structure is on point as usual, and I do think that catchiness is what helps ground abstract concepts. I am a fan of the theme of cycles in life, so I thought that was a solid idea, however, I did find the piece sort of “fluffy”, as in there’s not a particular image or line I’m taking away from here. Everything makes sense, but it’s kind of reading to me like very nice imagery listed in order, rather than imagery used for an end such as describing a story or a specific place. I think this song would’ve been strengthened by writing about a concrete place in an abstract way, rather than the progression of the seasons in an abstract way. JoeAg - Conifers Smile On Ooh not a public play anthem, scandalous! I do have to say this song was a little dense to me. I didn’t get sensuality from this, mainly due to the diction which I found antithetical to being sexy. A lot of this I wasn’t able to grasp even after giving it a day to sink in, so I am having trouble figuring out how to review this. I do want to say the opening line was very intriguing however, and was a fun way of flipping a really common cliche of “love the pain/pain is good” etc. There’s a lot of similarly smart lines, but I’m just having trouble evaluating whether the piece as a whole is something I feel drawn to revisit. Achilles. - All Around The Christmas Tree I think the song concept is really smart, and actually kind of meta in a way? I got a “Christmas Past/Present/Future” sort of vibe. I also really like the idea you hit on, mainly in your song description, about how a lot of ornaments are passed on from older family members, as it’s the same for me. How they become artifacts from them is a really inspired idea, and I think that deserved to be way more highlighted–perhaps even the sole highlight. I think this song has a similar issue to Hug and Legend E’s with the time jumps: I see you took care to balance them with regards to stanza length and meter, but there’s no connective tissue or transition. I understood what was going on upon reading, but it was sort of jarring. Additionally, the similarities did give me a sense of reading three drafts of one song’s first verse and chorus. It was an experiment in structure that I thought made the song more repetitive. If anything, I thought the first section was too “generic Christmastime song”, and I think the song would’ve been stronger with just the latter two, or, even better as this was what was intended to be the emotional crux, expand upon the sentiments of your additional info and have the final section be what the song’s about. Very smart song, but I think there was stronger potential here that didn't come into play until the last moment. Remmy - Family Tree “If you want nothing to do with me/Then I'm cutting down this family tree” Okay this was THEE one-liner of the round! The rest of the chorus was great too! You really showed your versatility here, between doing fun rap songs and a dramatic pop song. I liked the story you told here, it was simple but elegantly done, and you quickly established two distinct characters within the song’s runtime. I got a very clear picture of the song’s worldview. This was definitely the song I was most excited to come back and read this round, so kudos! Very happy you submitted for this round. Gavin. - Roots Keep Me Here Now personally I’m a huge fan of the “disimilie” where you make a simile or metaphor out of opposites (Like Britney’s Hot as Ice), so I naturally really liked some of the phrases you twisted up here. I attempted to read some meaning into your piece, and I interpreted it as being about a relationship that has no future prospects, but the narrator can’t abandon it? Like a sunk cost fallacy, so he’s figuratively rooted into place. I think you did a good job of trying to reach beyond your usual go-tos for song themes. If I were to suggest where you might go next, I’d suggest playing with song structure: Consider what you can do to have different sections have their own unique meter or rhyme scheme.
Aurora Posted September 11, 2022 Author Posted September 11, 2022 Looks like our final scores have just sprouted. Results in 15 mins?
fountain Posted September 11, 2022 Posted September 11, 2022 Good luck everybody! Definitely a strong round - I might agree that it was the most impressive yet - so I have no idea what the outcome might be! Assuming it’s going to be very close with the scores.
Aurora Posted September 11, 2022 Author Posted September 11, 2022 Round 3: Deciduous Challenge 📀 LIVE Results Show Hey, Hitmakers! The final scores have sprouted and it's now time to announce the results for last round's tree-rific Deciduous challenge! Did your song stand tall, or was it cut down by the competition? Did you supply us with a natural chart-topper, or will you fall? TIMBER! @Julia Fox@Euterpe@Legend E@hurricane326@Jack!@Remmy@Allday@TruGemini@Temporal@Achilles.@Hooker Barbie@Better Mistakes@Augmented@XO_Life@Gavin.@Astro@beatinglikeadrum@CountryBritney@FCKNAmbrosia@JonginBey@DatChickDoe@worldwide angel@Kylie Jenner@JoeAg@Hug@EpicSongFan@camfuckingrockwell
Remmy Posted September 11, 2022 Posted September 11, 2022 Oop I wasn't prepared for results but I'm here and these reviews oh wow oh wow... I'll reply to them later though
Aurora Posted September 11, 2022 Author Posted September 11, 2022 While I'm tinkering with some last minute formatting tingz, I'd like to remind everyone that this will be the last round of the season that scores will be made public until the finale, where your R4-R6 scores will be finally revealed! This is just to prevent any pre-emptive assumptions on who our winner of Golden Hit: Season 2 may be (not that this stopped @Jackson last season...), so from here on out your rankings will be all you have to go by! Also another fun fact: there was one (1) tie this round. Where will it land?
Hug Posted September 11, 2022 Posted September 11, 2022 1 minute ago, Aurora said: While I'm tinkering with some last minute formatting tingz, I'd like to remind everyone that this will be the last round of the season that scores will be made public until the finale, where your R4-R6 scores will be finally revealed! This is just to prevent any pre-emptive assumptions on who our winner of Golden Hit: Season 2 may be (not that this stopped @Jackson last season...), so from here on out your rankings will be all you have to go by! Also another fun fact: there was one (1) tie this round. Where will it land? Yes, @Augmented what score did we get this time. Let's see!
Jackson Posted September 11, 2022 Posted September 11, 2022 6 minutes ago, Aurora said: (not that this stopped @Jackson last season...)
Aurora Posted September 11, 2022 Author Posted September 11, 2022 At #14, kicking off our results for this round was a lovely song, full of color and emotion. Loving your song was... ? @Allday with a score of 6.063 for “Red”. ? Congratulations on reaching a new peak in Golden Hit! Your song showed great promise, looking forward to seeing what's next from you.
Aurora Posted September 11, 2022 Author Posted September 11, 2022 At #13, our next offering left us all a little bit shaken, longing for the sweet, white juice inside... ? @Julia Fox with a score of 6.313 for “Coconut Tree”. ? While this is a bit of a step back for your following last week's Top 5 smash hit "vintage", we have no doubt you'll stun us all again!
Aurora Posted September 11, 2022 Author Posted September 11, 2022 At #12, this writer yet again displayed a strong sense of songwriting prowess, proving that they're not going anywhere... ? @Gavin. with a score of 7.25 for “Roots Keep Me Here”. ? Well done on another strong entry! You may not have "Stung" your way into the Top 10 this time, but I hope you can see from the score we enjoyed this.
fountain Posted September 11, 2022 Posted September 11, 2022 4 minutes ago, Aurora said: At #13, our next offering left us all a little bit shaken, longing for the sweet, white juice inside... Reveal hidden contents ? @Julia Fox with a score of 6.313 for “Coconut Tree”. ? While this is a bit of a step back for your following last week's Top 5 smash hit "vintage", we have no doubt you'll stun us all again! “Spread all your coconut milk on me Nut in me, feed me in, cause baby you are my coconut tree” on my tombstone
Aurora Posted September 11, 2022 Author Posted September 11, 2022 At #11, just outside of our Top 10 for this round is another writer who has already shown tremendous growth in this tournament... ? @XO_Life with a score of 7.708 for “Old Oak Tree”. ? Congratulations on a massive step up from last week, and a new peak in both score and rank for you in Golden Hit! Looking forward to your next song.
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