tournament Golden Hit: Season 2 📀 Congratulations Hug! 🏆

[Temporal]

34 minutes ago, Jackson said:

not Aria getting a whole EP 

Her foot already on these girls necks

[Kylie Jenner]

Excited to read some entries!!

[fountain]

 

Round 2: The Girl Group Challenge, Part 1 

(Future Grammy Award Winner Yin Yin edition)

 

@Euterpe - Five Stages

Ahh glad to see that you took advantage of the Spotify playlist!

It’s evident looking at your description of the song that a lot of thought went into this, and that you carefully consulted the persona that Yin Yin has been given and the details that have been written about her. Really, you have done a fantastic job of taking the information that was given and applying it to your song, because it is very, very fitting for her. Obviously Yin Yin is not a real person, but reading your song it is almost as if she could be, because you’ve taken the ideas that were presented and have created something out of it that really does represent her. There wasn’t any moment throughout the song that I thought, “this doesn’t sound like something Yin Yin could say”; and again, she’s not even a real person, so for me to feel that all of this could indeed be coming from her shows what a great job you’ve done. Lyrically your writing is as strong as ever, it is really balanced with everything that was described of her character and her wants; the song is personal but not overly, retaining the enigmatic sense to it while also accurately demonstrating her emotion and what occurred within the group in her own way, while also bringing in her psychology background, and it really feels incredibly well done. Ultimately I would say this is a perfect interpretation of the challenge for me, you’ve done an amazing job at writing for this made up persona, while also having a song that is strong and stands on its own regardless of the challenge at hand. Very good job!

 

@Better Mistakes - Me and the Girls

Okay, so. I will say it… this might be my favourite song from you yet? 

Were you expecting that? 

Is it the most fitting example of something for Yin Yin? Not really; but in a way you were smart to pick her, honestly, since with her enigmatic persona you truly could do anything with her, and this is at the very least a good example of that. It’s obviously not the expected route, but I appreciate it nonetheless. And, as I said, I think this might be my favourite song from you thus far. It’s very irreverent which we’ve seen you trend towards more, but it’s also a great example of an absurd and vulgar song that can still feel well written; there are many great references and puns thrown in and ultimately it’s a really fun read. For Yin Yin this might be unconventional, but for you I think this is strong. Good job!

A few specific lyrics worth singling out: “Black gold in my ***** folds”, “Jessie J and Nelson but hot”, “The only Xi Jinping I want is if my phone pings and it’s hot”.

 

@worldwide angel - clarity control

I love this. Your writing is straight up beautiful, this song is incredibly poetic and full of meaning and open to interpretation, and I think this is a wonderful and very fitting take on what Yin Yin was aiming for. You’ve hit exactly what she was going for with the song clearly being personal and emotional, yet also being still enigmatic and open to interpretation; the lyrics say so much, but leave the reader wanting to know more and still missing the exact details, yet it’s still incredibly satisfying to read and explore the possible meanings behind the clearly intentional words. I loved your song last round too, but I would say this already feels like a step up for you, the writing here is just so exquisite.  The imagery throughout is absolutely stunning and diverse, really evoking the reader in multiple vivid ways yet still all feeling purposeful and  relevant to the overall song and its story, which sometimes can be a very difficult balance to strike. I felt your last entry deserved better in terms of score and rankings, and I really hope this one gets the praise it definitely deserves, because I’m very impressed again from you! Perfect, really good job.

 

@Legend E - Spa Night

In terms of taking Yin Yin’s open personal life and creating a story, this is definitely the entry which has done this the best. You’ve taken the general ideas given and created this pretty heavy, developed backstory that is absolutely fitting for what could have happened to her and what she may have been going through. It does a really good job of both opening her up to her audience as she begins her solo endeavours, but also revealing what happened behind her infamous hiatus and walking off stage moment, and you’ve clearly done an excellent job of paying attention to the information given and using that to your advantage to create a song that is very fitting for her personal story. If I have any criticism, I would say that the song only slightly misses the mark in one way and that’s in taking on her more enigmatic persona; while this is a great personal song which is something that was aimed for in her songs, it’s also extremely revealing which in general is not a bad thing but if we are looking specifically at her character she is described as leaving things more open to interpretation and enigmatic, so I think if I had to have any criticism that would be the only thing - but this is a very minor thing and is only related to the challenge at hand, if we look at the song specifically by itself then this criticism is irrelevant. I want to in particular praise the outro of the song which I think has some really beautiful lyrics, specifically the final two lines of each section in the outro, which I thought were just wonderful. Overall I think this is a strong entry from you, it reminds me of White Flag in that it has some similar themes and I think it certainly is up there as one of your best and most emotionally resonant songs so far. Good job!

[Better Mistakes]

14 minutes ago, fountain said:

 

Round 2: The Girl Group Challenge, Part 1 

(Future Grammy Award Winner Yin Yin edition)

 

@Euterpe - Five Stages

Ahh glad to see that you took advantage of the Spotify playlist!

It’s evident looking at your description of the song that a lot of thought went into this, and that you carefully consulted the persona that Yin Yin has been given and the details that have been written about her. Really, you have done a fantastic job of taking the information that was given and applying it to your song, because it is very, very fitting for her. Obviously Yin Yin is not a real person, but reading your song it is almost as if she could be, because you’ve taken the ideas that were presented and have created something out of it that really does represent her. There wasn’t any moment throughout the song that I thought, “this doesn’t sound like something Yin Yin could say”; and again, she’s not even a real person, so for me to feel that all of this could indeed be coming from her shows what a great job you’ve done. Lyrically your writing is as strong as ever, it is really balanced with everything that was described of her character and her wants; the song is personal but not overly, retaining the enigmatic sense to it while also accurately demonstrating her emotion and what occurred within the group in her own way, while also bringing in her psychology background, and it really feels incredibly well done. Ultimately I would say this is a perfect interpretation of the challenge for me, you’ve done an amazing job at writing for this made up persona, while also having a song that is strong and stands on its own regardless of the challenge at hand. Very good job!

 

@Better Mistakes - Me and the Girls

Okay, so. I will say it… this might be my favourite song from you yet? 

Were you expecting that? 

Is it the most fitting example of something for Yin Yin? Not really; but in a way you were smart to pick her, honestly, since with her enigmatic persona you truly could do anything with her, and this is at the very least a good example of that. It’s obviously not the expected route, but I appreciate it nonetheless. And, as I said, I think this might be my favourite song from you thus far. It’s very irreverent which we’ve seen you trend towards more, but it’s also a great example of an absurd and vulgar song that can still feel well written; there are many great references and puns thrown in and ultimately it’s a really fun read. For Yin Yin this might be unconventional, but for you I think this is strong. Good job!

A few specific lyrics worth singling out: “Black gold in my ***** folds”, “Jessie J and Nelson but hot”, “The only Xi Jinping I want is if my phone pings and it’s hot”.

 

@worldwide angel - clarity control

I love this. Your writing is straight up beautiful, this song is incredibly poetic and full of meaning and open to interpretation, and I think this is a wonderful and very fitting take on what Yin Yin was aiming for. You’ve hit exactly what she was going for with the song clearly being personal and emotional, yet also being still enigmatic and open to interpretation; the lyrics say so much, but leave the reader wanting to know more and still missing the exact details, yet it’s still incredibly satisfying to read and explore the possible meanings behind the clearly intentional words. I loved your song last round too, but I would say this already feels like a step up for you, the writing here is just so exquisite.  The imagery throughout is absolutely stunning and diverse, really evoking the reader in multiple vivid ways yet still all feeling purposeful and  relevant to the overall song and its story, which sometimes can be a very difficult balance to strike. I felt your last entry deserved better in terms of score and rankings, and I really hope this one gets the praise it definitely deserves, because I’m very impressed again from you! Perfect, really good job.

 

@Legend E - Spa Night

In terms of taking Yin Yin’s open personal life and creating a story, this is definitely the entry which has done this the best. You’ve taken the general ideas given and created this pretty heavy, developed backstory that is absolutely fitting for what could have happened to her and what she may have been going through. It does a really good job of both opening her up to her audience as she begins her solo endeavours, but also revealing what happened behind her infamous hiatus and walking off stage moment, and you’ve clearly done an excellent job of paying attention to the information given and using that to your advantage to create a song that is very fitting for her personal story. If I have any criticism, I would say that the song only slightly misses the mark in one way and that’s in taking on her more enigmatic persona; while this is a great personal song which is something that was aimed for in her songs, it’s also extremely revealing which in general is not a bad thing but if we are looking specifically at her character she is described as leaving things more open to interpretation and enigmatic, so I think if I had to have any criticism that would be the only thing - but this is a very minor thing and is only related to the challenge at hand, if we look at the song specifically by itself then this criticism is irrelevant. I want to in particular praise the outro of the song which I think has some really beautiful lyrics, specifically the final two lines of each section in the outro, which I thought were just wonderful. Overall I think this is a strong entry from you, it reminds me of White Flag in that it has some similar themes and I think it certainly is up there as one of your best and most emotionally resonant songs so far. Good job!

 Thank you

[Better Mistakes]

Posting my favourite lines from my entry this week that made me cackle whilst writing it

 

Diana left me in a crash in the back of her car
I wore her diamonds on my titties like a Tiffany’s bra
She likes some gold teeth on her ***** so I’m grilling my style 
So when I kiss it then she’ll drip it like a life support line
Nick nack, paddy whack a ***** like a mole 
Miss Aria Thurney with her ***** like a turkey 
Gobble, gobble, gobble 
Leave me walking with a thanksgiving wobble 
Explored the spot like Columbus found some land
The only Xi Jinping I want is if my phone pings and it’s hot 
Don’t want no communism ‘less you want this ***** on lock
Cause I’m a freak when I swirl it
Call it yin Yang o’clock 
I’m a chameleon, Jessie J and Nelson but hot!
Black gold in my ***** folds!

[Euterpe]

@fountain Thank you for the review! I did try hard to go to with all the information I was given to make a song for her, so I’m glad that came through. 

[Legend E]

Thanks, fountain!  I was still trying to keep what happened that night a bit vague (while making it still somewhat obvious it was about suicide) but maybe indeed it went into too much detail after all. Nonetheless, thanks for the feedback  

[fountain]

My reviews for the other girls will come closer to results, but had to get some early ones done for Yin Yin’s little Yin Yangs 

 

so far the others definitely have some tough competition though!

[Hug]

So usually when those "scrapped idea" posts come along, I don't have much to say. If I end up not liking something, I delete it entirely and don't think about it. However, this week I did end up writing two songs (and I liked both) and I went with the one that I felt MAYBE could get the better judge reviews, and so checkmATe (this is the canon stylization now because AT = Aria Thurney <3) was what I sent.

 

Still, I ended up spending most of the promotional cycle on Ride into the Night, and I just wanted everyone to know it DOES exist. So here is Ride into the Night.

 

[verse one]

The sunset’s painting our skin gold

The saltwater breeze lingers on our clothes

I feel your fingers through my hair and the sand in my toes

I feel you whisper in my ear what’s been stuck in my throat

 

(I love you)

 

Is it the heat or am I in the moment?

Either way I know my heart is racing

Is it the summer that has got me going?

Either way I hope you’re feeling the same

 

[pre-chorus]

We’ve been dancing in the sea, singing on the beach

I hope I’m not asleep but I’d swear it’s a dream

Pinch me on the cheek, it’s too good to believe

But I’ll tell you what I want, if you’re asking me

 

[chorus]

I wanna ride into the night 

With the wind in my face

Never step on the breaks

 

I wanna ride into the night 

‘til we're seeing the sun

I need you to come

 

‘cause I could never ride without you 

And tonight it's all I wanna do 

 

I wanna ride into the night 

Baby come with me

 

[verse two]

The moonlight’s making your eyes glow

The way you hold me tight makes me feel at home

You run your fingers down my spine as you’re pulling me close

And then I whisper in your ear what I’m hoping you know

 

(I love you)

 

Is there something written in the starlight?

Either way I know my mind is racing

Is there something hidden in the skyline?

Either way I hope you’re thinking the same

 

[pre-chorus]

We’ve been dancing in the sea, singing on the beach

I hope I’m not asleep but I’d swear it’s a dream

Pinch me on the cheek, it’s too good to believe

But I’ll tell you what I want, if you’re asking me

 

[chorus]

I wanna ride into the night 

With the wind in my face

Never step on the breaks

 

I wanna ride into the night 

‘til we're seeing the sun

I need you to come

 

‘cause I could never ride without you 

And tonight it's all I wanna do 

 

I wanna ride into the night 

Baby come with me

 

[bridge]

We spent our whole lives living apart

It’s only right that we come together

Let’s ride the whole night under the stars

It’s only right if we come together

 

Take your hands and put them into mine

So you can feel it as we come together

Take your lips and lock them into mine

So I can feel it as we come together

 

[chorus]

I wanna ride into the night 

With the wind in my face

Never step on the breaks

 

I wanna ride into the night 

‘til we're seeing the sun

I need you to come

 

‘cause I could never ride without you 

And tonight it's all I wanna do 

 

I wanna ride into the night 

Baby come with me

[Better Mistakes]

Does anyone else find themselves working on multiple projects at once??  I’m currently writing two albums. One is titled Fantasist and it’s quite introspective and because I am literally a deep fantasist to the point I sometimes have to take a step back and think, wtf. Sonically, the palette quite dark pop and is like Break my heart myself (Bebe), Becky’s so hot / Bitter (Fletcher) and She’s all I wanna be (Tate).

 

Then my other project has no name but is literally being crafted as a pop album with a nod to the 2010s, sonically resembling Teenage Dream (album), Warrior (kesha), Bangerz, Who you are (Jessie J). Like, I am obsessively studying Teenage Dream and its craft as a blue print  

[Galah]

Audrey flopping... her statement will be coming later today. As for me, her loyal friend and trusted mentor, all I can say is that while I am disappointed, this won't be the last you hear from Miss Onyx. We will review the two submitted tracks and still have high hopes for her debut album, Ophelia, coming later in the year.

 

I know unlike the other girls, Audrey is capable of writing and producing her own songs without the assistance of co-writers and Audrey was simply interested in new perspectives to see if anyone's creative energy aligned with her own. We might even have a few co-writes of our own up our sleeve. Stay tuned for more details.

[Temporal]

Ngl I'm stunned more of the girls didn't want to serve a lil Phoebe Bridgers this round

[Julia Fox]

24 minutes ago, Aurora said:

Audrey flopping... her statement will be coming later today. As for me, her loyal friend and trusted mentor, all I can say is that while I am disappointed, this won't be the last you hear from Miss Onyx. We will review the two submitted tracks and still have high hopes for her debut album, Ophelia, coming later in the year.

 

I know unlike the other girls, Audrey is capable of writing and producing her own songs without the assistance of co-writers and Audrey was simply interested in new perspectives to see if anyone's creative energy aligned with her own. We might even have a few co-writes of our own up our sleeve. Stay tuned for more details.

Can’t wait for the critics! I know her debut album will be the best of the debuts of the girls besides flopping  

[worldwide angel]

5 hours ago, fountain said:

 

Round 2: The Girl Group Challenge, Part 1 

(Future Grammy Award Winner Yin Yin edition)

 

 

@worldwide angel - clarity control

I love this. Your writing is straight up beautiful, this song is incredibly poetic and full of meaning and open to interpretation, and I think this is a wonderful and very fitting take on what Yin Yin was aiming for. You’ve hit exactly what she was going for with the song clearly being personal and emotional, yet also being still enigmatic and open to interpretation; the lyrics say so much, but leave the reader wanting to know more and still missing the exact details, yet it’s still incredibly satisfying to read and explore the possible meanings behind the clearly intentional words. I loved your song last round too, but I would say this already feels like a step up for you, the writing here is just so exquisite.  The imagery throughout is absolutely stunning and diverse, really evoking the reader in multiple vivid ways yet still all feeling purposeful and  relevant to the overall song and its story, which sometimes can be a very difficult balance to strike. I felt your last entry deserved better in terms of score and rankings, and I really hope this one gets the praise it definitely deserves, because I’m very impressed again from you! Perfect, really good job.

 

 

thank you so much  the advice from round I really helped 

[fountain]

Third challenge coming tomorrow from @Aurora!! 
 

This should be an ~easier~ challenge focusing on a specific theme, definitely a lot of potential with this one and looking forward to seeing how people incorporate and interpret it! Luckily I don’t think we have had any songs dedicated to it at this point (haven’t read all the Round 2 songs yet though, so there could be). 

[Alldeezy]

i'm ready for round 3 

[Jackson]

it's taking me forever to write reviews, but i'll post what i have done in the next hour or two before i head out for the day. the rest will probably come tomorrow 

[fountain]

41 minutes ago, Jackson said:

it's taking me forever to write reviews, but i'll post what i have done in the next hour or two before i head out for the day. the rest will probably come tomorrow 

dedication 

[Julia Fox]

This is my song “vintage” that I wrote for Audrey if u are interested btw 

Spoiler

you took a picture of us and I died for it 

felt everything when you touched my skin

wrapped your hands around me like I was a gift 

smoked me like a mint cigarette on an after sex daylight scene

kissed me like if it was the last thing your mouth will feel

 

everything was sincere

till it wasn’t

 

and now everything’s feel so vintage, haunting me

echoes of the past crashing over my conscience

they said that everything’s has an end

they knew it all of this too well

guess I have to pay the consequences

of loving you to death 

 

hallucinations on your cold bedroom’s floor 

laughing while spinning a record vinyl player on and on

taking showers for two at midnight after drinking wine from Bordeaux

dreaming of you while being next to you after making out love

sucking all of my nights like you were a black hole 

 

everything was so intense 

till it wasn’t

 

and now everything’s feel so vintage, haunting me

echoes of the past crashing over my conscience

they said that everything’s has an end

they knew it all of this too well

guess I have to pay the consequences

of loving you to death 

 

put me in your tongue

when they ask you about first love

enlighten all my thorns 

like the rose you said I was born

red just like the young blood

of our hearts bombing when we made out 

 

everything was so sincere 

everything was so intense

everything was so perfect 

till it ******* wasn’t 

 

and now everything’s feel so vintage, haunting me

echoes of the past crashing over my conscience

they said that everything’s has an end

they knew it all of this too well

guess I have to pay the consequences

of loving you to death 

 

everything was so sincere 

everything was so intense

everything was so perfect 

till it ******* wasn’t 

 

 

[Euterpe]

13 minutes ago, Julia Fox said:

This is my song “vintage” that I wrote for Audrey if u are interested btw 

  Reveal hidden contents

you took a picture of us and I died for it 

felt everything when you touched my skin

wrapped your hands around me like I was a gift 

smoked me like a mint cigarette on an after sex daylight scene

kissed me like if it was the last thing your mouth will feel

 

everything was sincere

till it wasn’t

 

and now everything’s feel so vintage, haunting me

echoes of the past crashing over my conscience

they said that everything’s has an end

they knew it all of this too well

guess I have to pay the consequences

of loving you to death 

 

hallucinations on your cold bedroom’s floor 

laughing while spinning a record vinyl player on and on

taking showers for two at midnight after drinking wine from Bordeaux

dreaming of you while being next to you after making out love

sucking all of my nights like you were a black hole 

 

everything was so intense 

till it wasn’t

 

and now everything’s feel so vintage, haunting me

echoes of the past crashing over my conscience

they said that everything’s has an end

they knew it all of this too well

guess I have to pay the consequences

of loving you to death 

 

put me in your tongue

when they ask you about first love

enlighten all my thorns 

like the rose you said I was born

red just like the young blood

of our hearts bombing when we made out 

 

everything was so sincere 

everything was so intense

everything was so perfect 

till it ******* wasn’t 

 

and now everything’s feel so vintage, haunting me

echoes of the past crashing over my conscience

they said that everything’s has an end

they knew it all of this too well

guess I have to pay the consequences

of loving you to death 

 

everything was so sincere 

everything was so intense

everything was so perfect 

till it ******* wasn’t 

 

 

I really like this. It’s haunting. Pop girl ready for her Halloween debut!!

[Jackson]

 

Great job this week! I want to just state that I try to include highlights and constructive feedback in every review, regardless of how I scored the entry, so just because I say something critical doesn't mean I don't absolutely adore your song. I haven't had time to review my reviews, either, so I apologize in advance for the probable prevalence of spelling mistakes here. 

 

 

 

hurricane326 – Mortal Muse

This was an interesting perspective. It took me a few reads through to fully grasp that this was about a man that left Aria for another man. You’re correct in that there are a lot of lines here that stand on their own, but I find that they still work better together in cohesion. I particularly like “May his hand you hold for comfort/turn to withered skin and fragile bone/we built the house you dare to call his home”. This is an example of a catchy line that serves its intended purpose in the overall story while also drawing attention on its own. I also like these lines because I immediately know what that you’re writing about a former lover when I read them. However, this wasn’t always the case. The lines “the walls I painted pastel soothes/moan your backstabbing laughs” isn’t as catchy and sounds a bit more awkward in its phrasing. Overall, I also found that the song didn’t quite have the pop edge I think was requisite for an Aria song. There are ways to write about a darker subject matter and still have it sound poppy – by keeping to a tight meter and rhyme scheme. While I enjoyed the looser structure here, it made the song read more like a simmering album track than an explosive lead single. I do think the bridge met that level of angsty pop, though – I especially loved “He’s just like me!”. It felt poppy, vengeful, and felt like a “peak” of sorts to the song. While I enjoyed last week’s entry a bit more, I still felt this was a solid second entry from you in its originality and memorable lines.

 

Julia Fox – vintage

I’m happy to see you chose Audrey, because I feel like she’s a great fit for the moody, alt-pop lyrics you’ve become known for. You’ve already mastered this style, and it shows here. Lines like “smoked me like a mint cigarette on an after sex daylight scene” are so uniquely specific and descriptive in a way that’s reminiscent of a Lana or Sky lyric. Even the central “vintage” theme calls back to that 2012 polaroid photograph, vignette Instagram pseudo-vintage era where this genre was born. I want to highlight the way you sprinkle in specific details to paint a picture, because I think you do it really well. When you mention the region the wine your characters drink come, it makes the story much more believable and personal. If anything, I would appreciate even more of these moments in your song. I think there were a few lines here that could have been made more purposeful. While the first couplet of the chorus was quite strong, the second two seemed to say the same thing in different ways when you could have provided additional color to the relationship. Overall, I enjoyed this quite a bit, even more than your first entry.

 

XO_Life – Drink That Up

You really delivered on Diana’s style here. I like that you were able to incorporate something of your own style (the chorus that you’d written years before) and fit it perfectly to the challenge. I liked the personal flair you added that made the song fit the exact artist, adding references to her name and former group. Little touches like that can take a generic pop song and add a lot of personality. I do wish those finishes would have been more prevalent throughout the song. While the verses were filled with personality, the chorus was fairly faceless. It works really well as a pop song – the meter was tight, the rhyme scheme flowed well, and the entire thing was fun and carefree, but isn’t as lyrically strong as it could have been. Still, you nailed the challenge and added a lot of personality while retaining a sense of your own writing style.

 

Hug – Checkmate

I kinda alluded to this in the thread this past week, but I really don’t think your pursuit of writing about something unique was needed – although I understand wanting to push yourself. Last week, I felt that you took a well-worn concept and turned it on its head. I loved that you were able to carve out your own unique space in a story that’s been told over and over. This week, I felt like you took a unique concept and layered in a more ordinary storyline. I don’t think the romantic allusions were totally necessary. The concept of love being a game has been well documented in pop music, whereas I can’t think of many songs written solely about simply playing chess. In that way, I’m glad the romantic elements were the side story. Reading your song exclusively as a game about chess made it a lot more compelling to me. Lyrically, I loved the descriptive poetry of the verses and the way you followed up “waltz and sway” with “twirl and swerve”. There were definitely pop components to the song in the repetition, line length, and meter, but I also appreciated the progression of the storyline through the bridge. The chorus worked well in the song, but didn’t stand out from the rest of the lyrics. Some additional variation in rhyme scheme and structure could have helped this section pop in relation to the verses. I actually found this song to be less memorable than last week’s entry, but you proved yet again that you have complete control over your meter, rhyme scheme, and imagery. BTW – I loved your Diana song and she will be stealing the demo for her debut.

 

beatinglikeadrum – Running away from the sun

In terms of imagery, this song is definitely a huge step up from last week. The colors you paint are so much more vibrant than last week’s song, but it almost feels as though you’re painting them just to see bright colors on a canvas. There’s a lot of imagery here that seems untethered from the overall story, and while I appreciate the detail, I think you could have tied it into the story better. Is there a reason the carpets are made of stones or the stars are green and gold? What about her eyes make them indistinct? There are some instances where you do this  well – “she takes a deep breath and decides to dive” illustrates a very vivid picture while adding to the emotion of the story. There are times when songs read more like poetry, and I think yours even steps towards the edge of poetry and into the realm of pure storytelling. While I think this could be a dangerous choice in other rounds, I think it fit’s Audrey Onyx’s style. I liked the progression of the storyline, although if I had one nitpick, typically a bridge is used as a transition point in a song’s storyline, and here you decided to use the second verse as a transition while simply continuing the second verse in the third/bridge. I think you could have either delayed that transition to the bridge or provided another turning point there, perhaps having the character step back out of the shadows now that she’s built her confidence. Still, this was a very compelling story and an exciting evolution of your songwriting ability.

 

Euterpe – Five Stages

This was a really breezy read. The flow of the song worked really well, but it also had a bit of a lilt to it that felt carefree and almost oceanic. This flow met up with the tone of the song by the end, where Ms Yin had accepted her identity and created her own dream. I had to read through the song a couple times to fully immerse myself in the lyrics, because the actual flow of the song for me was stronger than the lyrical content. Some lines felt more guided by your rhyme scheme than the natural storyline of the song, and there weren’t enough specific details or descriptive imagery to leave a lasting impression of any specific line. Using the five stages of grief as a structural component was a really smart choice, and something that tied into the challenge in a way no one else would likely think of. I think the actual meter, rhyme scheme, and structure did most of the heavy lifting here. Although already a solid entry, I think a few descriptive details would have done a lot to match the level of care that was put into the rest of the song.

 

Better Mistakes – Me and The Girls

This reads more as a BLACKGOLD fan fic than a Yin Yin song to me, but since you seem just as immersed in the BLACKGOLD universe as we are, so perhaps you know more about the girls than I do. I typically try to avoid reading other judges’ reviews before I post mine, but I took a quick look at fountain’s to see if he thought your song was a match for Yin Yin, because it’s very different from what I perceived her to be artistically. That aside, there were elements of the shock factor that worked, and those that didn’t. “When they’d **** me deep in my *****” is kinda a cheap line, but “Diana left me in a crash in the back of her car/ I wore her diamonds on my titties like a Tiffany’s bra” is shocking, a bit offensive, and absolutely brilliant. Shock is one of the easiest emotions to manufacture, but there were some lines here that were genuinely original. While I could have done without the graphic tour of female genitilia, the bop it section was humorous and original. The Xi Jinping line failed to quite land, but the Jesy Nelson shade was practically perfect. This was a pretty uneven song thematically and lyrically, with cringey moments interspersed between lyrical genius, but it was one of the most fun reads of the round regardless.

 

Kylie Jenner – Big Girl (Bang Bang)

Your soundcloud link isn’t working for me L. I’d love to hear what you prepared if you’re still willing to share. This song fit my interpretation of Aria pretty well. It feels very commercial – it reminds me a lot of a mid-2000’s pop song, like something from Kelly Clarkson or Fergie. While the chorus isn’t the most interesting lyrically, the repetition makes it feel quite poppy, and the titular line works well with the overall tone of the song. The third wave feminist vibe works dually as an effective theme for a pop song and something that fits Aria’s wish list.  I also want to highlight the way the prechorus reads – it has an interesting, unusual flow that works really well despite having nonstandard line lengths and rhyming. The song could have benefited from some additional personal details or more descriptive language beyond the fairly simple gun metaphors, and the chorus could have been strengthened with a standout couplet similar to the brilliant bridge, but otherwise there isn’t much specifically to criticize here. You didn’t do anything I could call out as wrong, but I would have appreciated more in terms of detail.

 

JoeAg – Nightlife Empress

You were my #1 song last week, so I was excited to see that you wrote for Diana. I think you nailed exactly what I was looking for. The song was super commercial and had a strong pop edge, but the lyrics were still strong by themselves apart from the challenge brief. You did a fantastic job of including personal details that made the story much more believable. You were also able to inject a lot of personality in lines like “my hips are the garden in front of the labyrinth” and the little Beyoncé-Renaissance-era esque “that’s my fine ass!” interjection. Not every line fit the song perfectly – “I’m stellar, complicate me if you’d like” seemed a bit nonsensical, but most lines felt purposeful and effective in building this nightlife world. The feeling of lust set against the backdrop of a dark nightclub worked really well, and lines like “and the mess in the corner can come dance with us too” added additional dimension that moved the song beyond simply being about a dirty night out. Well done!

 

worldwide angel – clarity control

 

You’d have to confirm with fountain, but this read like the perfect Yin Yin song to me. The entire thing has an air of mystique, with multiple layers that I could see Yin Yangs dissecting like Taylor Swift lyrics. Although I’ve only read a couple songs from you, I’m also getting a strong sense of your style. I appreciate the way you make the most of your lyrics. You typically stick to fairly short lines and sections, yet pack them full of interesting phrases and vivid imagery. Most of the time, you execute this perfectly. I love the opening line, “struck like a seismic shock”, and “strong mind engulfed by clouds/dull sword of wicked wonder” in the chorus. There were a couple lines that didn’t connect as much for me, like “fell from every angle” – how does something fall from multiple angles? Still, those moments were extremely uncommon. I loved the song as a whole. My only suggestion for next week would be to try something new structurally. I already love your writing style, but it couldn’t hurt to experiment and leave us guessing. Regardless, I look forward to what you write next.

 

Augmented – Rule The Game

 

Despite what you (and possibly Aria’s mentor) may think, I think this song fits Aria pretty well. The song, especially the chorus, feel very commercial, but the song also reflects her general feelings about the group and seem to say something beyond just being a commercial single. The chorus was quite catchy – I could see this being a real single, especially for an ex-girl group member. As you alluded in your description, there were times that the song felt a bit rushed. The first pre-chorus felt like filler to me, and many of the lyrics seemed more generic and less specific than usual for you. I think this came down to a lack of inspiration rather than a lack of ability, so I’ll just say that I hope you have the time to write something you feel more confident in next week and I look forward to reading it.

 

Temporal – In Spades 

 

You did a lot of thing wells here. The song flowed well and provided a perspective I hadn’t seen from you before. Some of your lines were incredibly striking, most notably “a diamond dulled with cuts and shuffles” and “to write my rules, I played the game”. However, elsewhere I found that you turned to clichés and songwriting tropes to fill the lines. Similarly to what I highlighted in Hug’s entry, likening betrayal to a game is something that’s been explored in songwriting before. Having cards stacked against you, having a seat at the table, and being a queen in the sheets are all lines we’ve heard before, and I’m not sure you provided anything new to those lines to make them worth including. My assumption is that in entering uncharted songwriting territory, you fell back on familiar lines to fill the gaps between your own songwriting abilities. I’d love to continue seeing you experiment with new themes, but in ways that feel purposeful and provide ways for you to express your thought in new ways, rather than expressing thoughts that have been shared before. In terms of the challenge, I think this straddles the line between a few members. I think Aria’s brief was fairly broad, so it definitely fits there, but I see elements of pop songwriting that would have worked for Diana and enigmatic allusions to BLACKGOLD that could have worked for Yin Yin. I know natural imagery is your forte, so I look forward to seeing what ~tree~ you end up writing about this week.

 

Achilles. – Good Enough for Me 

 

I don’t think this is really a song that fits Aria, or any of the girls, for that matter. It feels like an Achilles. song rather than an ex-BLACKGOLD song. Not that we want you to entirely lose your own personality in this challenge, but it feels like you wrote a song you wanted to write and then just chose the girl that you thought fit the challenge the best. That aside, I think this suffered from some thematic inconsistency. For the most part, this was a song about a relationship, but there were points where you specifically referenced the group (“If I quit the band, if I changed priorities”) that felt forced in to further meet the challenge. To be fair, this was a solid breakup song. Like last week, your opening lines caught my attention – “I think I lost my mind/somewhere between/the last kiss and the first goodbye” and “I think I lost a war/somewhere between/the packed bags and the closing door” were standout lines for the whole round. However, unlike last round, those lines were more concentrated towards the beginning of the song. For what felt like a pretty standard breakup song, there were some more verbose sections that could have been cut down and strengthened the effectiveness of the better lines. To end on a positive, I also have to state that I really enjoyed your closing lines as well – “If I sing louder ‘cause it makes me happy/I think that would be good enough for me” – perhaps you’re happy tossing the challenge aside a bit to write a song that makes you feel good, and if this was that, I commend you even more for it.

 

Legend E – Spa Night 

 

OK I love some of the fan fiction going on in some of these songs. Speculating on why Yin Yin took a hiatus during tour? 10/10 world building. I think I was perhaps the only judge that didn’t love your last entry, so I’m ecstatic to say that this song was fairly flaw free. I think you nailed the challenge – revealing personal details about your artist in a way that feels brutally honest yet poetic enough to hide some of the messy details. Lyrically, you struck just the right balance of raw emotion and vivid imagery. There’s so many highlights here I’d love to quote, so I hope you’re willing to share at some point. The first line felt pointed yet guarded, and the chorus was just perfect. The “dirt” and “pieces” lines were extremely relatable yet so precise and emotive. I’ll just admit that this is my favorite song of the season so far. If I had to make one tiny nitpick, it would be that the rhyme in the second line felt a bit forced, but that’s literally my only note. Excellent work.

 

TruGemini – Little White Lie 

 

I didn’t have any individual contestant in mind when I came up with Diana, but after her wiki page was fully formed I realized she’d be the perfect fit for you, so I’m glad you chose to write for her. You took an angle that I didn’t fully expect in that your theme wasn’t something I highlighted specifically in the challenge post, but I think you correctly concluded that this is still the perfect moody, catchy pop earworm that Diana would die for. I’ll also just leave a little note to the other contestants that I’m an absolute sucker for alliteration and internal rhyming, so I really appreciated the internal rhyming at the end of the first verse. It’s such a great way to make a lyric just a little more fun to read, which lends well to the pop feeling of it. I think you also did a great job of using repetition in your chorus without going overboard or distracting from the lyrics. I do think the format of the chorus, with multiple parenthetical parts, was a bit distracting, but that could have easily been fixed by just taking the second half of the lines out of the parentheses. There were definitely lines that were strong than others (“Face it, go ahead and face it, if I lose my bed at least I can say that I made it” was miles better than “Let me get her fragrance, fire up her playlist”), but I see where each lyric fits into the story, so I really don’t think anything needed to be added or deleted. Great job with the challenge and great song in all.

 

[Euterpe]

@Jackson Thank you for the honest feedback! I’ll try to keep it in mind for the future. 

[fountain]

1 hour ago, Jackson said:

I typically try to avoid reading other judges’ reviews before I post mine, but I took a quick look at fountain’s to see if he thought your song was a match for Yin Yin

It’s really not, but I think that was the point, in a very reverse-Warhorlian expedition way. Take from that what you can. 

[beatinglikeadrum]

@Jackson carpets made of stones = sacrifice to be famous, walking a painthful path 

stars = famous people

green and gold = money and jewelry

 

[Julia Fox]

Thank u @Jackson