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Golden Hit: Season 2 📀 Congratulations Hug! 🏆


Aurora
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21 hours ago, Aurora said:

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Hey, Hitmakers! Thank you all for supporting and submitting for Round 1 of Golden Hit: Season 2! It was a pleasure reading all of your songs again. :heart2:

Due to time constraints on my end, my reviews for R1 are going to be on the shorter side. Fortunately, I should be able to delve in a little deeper for R2!

If there is anything in your review that you do not wish to have public (lyric excerpts, references to your material etc.) I will remove it upon request.

 

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9. @EpicSongFan - “Sweet Escape”
Birds and wolves are definitely solid choices for inspiration, especially in a contrasting manner such as this. The second verse is great, combining the nightclub setting with the animal inspiration in a wonderfully metaphorical manner. At times, I felt as if there were too many contrasting images or ideas that didn’t seem to fit these core themes (nightclub, birds/wolves) such as the crown of thorns, and seeking treasure. Honing in on your main ideas and making everything work together would have elevated this even more.

Thank you so much for the review and perspective on things! I was definitely rushing this round a bit cause I joined late and was so busy so I completed the song in two sittings :deadbanana2: Will definitely try to be more streamlined for the next challenge!

 

 

17 hours ago, Jackson said:

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Wow, what a strong first round! I haven't judged an ATRL songwriting competition in a few years, and I can say definitively that the writing is much stronger now than it was then. Feel free to let me know if you have any questions on your reviews or feedback on my feedback, or if you'd like me to remove any specific references to lines from your lyrics. 

 

 

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@EpicSongFan – Sweet Escape
I definitely feel the relationship between your chosen instrumental and lyrics. I could see this as a girl group type song, or a song where the bird and wolf perspectives are represented by different voices. I think that would almost be necessary, because I felt like the bird and wolf sections weren’t as distinct as they could be, which sometimes made the lyrics confusing (I initially thought, why does a bird have bloodshot red eyes hunting for a treasure?). I also felt as though the song couldn’t fully commit to being either metaphorical (“roaming the nightclubs, hiding within the crowd”) or literal. Had you chosen committed more fully to one concept instead of going for two, I think the song would have been a bit stronger. Still, I think you get pop lyric writing, and I look forward to seeing what you come up with next week.

 

 

 

Thank you so much for the review as well! I think what you said is pretty similar to what Aurora so I'll definitely pay more attention to streamline the themes and metaphors a bit better for this upcoming round! :gaycat:

 

13 hours ago, 8thPrince said:

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Greetings, Hitmakers! I'm steadily working on getting everyone the full review they deserve, but just so you aren't left hanging, here's my first half of reviews!


If there is anything in your review that you do not wish to have public (lyric excerpts, references to your material etc.) I will remove it upon request.

 

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9. @EpicSongFan - “Sweet Escape”

(Love Dive is a major bop, first things first.)

I’d like to start off by complimenting the structure of your song. I got a sense of dynamism, i.e. each section introduced a new component of the story, and the moments where it’s meant to peak (Such as the chorus) peaked emotionally, etc. It felt like a fully plotted song with narrative, and I got the sense of it being a commercial pop song. (This was before I checked your instrumental link, btw!)

I have two pointers for you: Similar to the advice I gave Kylie Jenner, try to find ways to say plain/common actions and feelings in a fun way. I thought the first verse of the song was creative (A crown of thorns is a neat way to describe a false compliment.), but in contrast, the outro lacked that creativity. Additionally, if you are aiming for a more commercial feel, make sure to commit to conventions such as rhyme scheme: There’s a few points where the rhyme scheme is randomly dropped or completely absent, such as in the very first verse, and it makes for an awkward read. Overall, I liked the pop-y approach you took for this!
 

 

Thank you so much for the review! I definitely agree with you on the first verse now that you've brought it up and I read through the lyrics again :deadbanana4: Did feel a bit jarring :hoetenks: I think the lack of time and my busyness really got to me this round, hopefully I can come up with some neat stuff for this round! :lakitu:

 

 

5 hours ago, fountain said:

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Round 1: The Zoology Challenge, Part 2

 

 

@EpicSongFan - Sweet Escape

The story that you told here and the animals that you chose to present it through worked really well in my opinion, I was intrigued to see how you would portray both animals as your inspiration in the song, and I think ultimately you succeeded in doing so and the choice to be inspired by both really paid off I think, because they directly play off each other back and forth in the song. For example, reading the first verse and pre chorus you get introduced to the wolves and the menacing vibe of the song, but then in the chorus this is broken up by the bird inspiration and imagery, and going from the one to the other really helped emphasise these feelings further I believe; which of course is something that continues through the song, going back to the menacing feeling in the second verse and pre chorus again, and then the freedom once more in the second chorus. To me it makes the chorus all the more euphoric, and I think i’d definitely say it’s my favourite part of the song - I specifically love the lines “I’ll seek freedom and the hope that it brings / I’ll soar freely across the sky with these wings” which is just really lovely. Overall I very much enjoyed your entry, I think this is a strong starting point to the season and I’m interested to see where you go next!

Side note: of course the cover art is a serve, as usual, too!

 

Thank you so much for the review! Before I get into the review itself, I have to say thanks to the game bc I honestly haven't been designing in a while so it was nice getting back to everything again :jonny5:

I'm glad you enjoyed the back and forth in the lyrics! That was my brief idea behind it but I think you actually explained it much better :gaycat2:

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1 hour ago, Aurora said:

Final call for @Allday to please unlock your document, otherwise we won't be able to give you a score for this round, I fear. :dancehall3:

how do I unlock documents :( 

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wait I think I did it! let me know or I can copy & paste it somewhere else @Aurora

sorry for late reply I just got back today

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23 minutes ago, Allday said:

how do I unlock documents :( 

21 minutes ago, Allday said:

wait I think I did it! let me know or I can copy & paste it somewhere else @Aurora

sorry for late reply I just got back today

You're good now, thanks!

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@Aurora thank you for the feedback. I agree that I only based it loosely on the animal. And yeah, an emotional punch was missing because it's not my own experience. I tried to come up with something based on my personal experience but I somehow failed.

 

@fountain thanks for the criticism. yeah it was kinda a little bit cringe to base the whole concept on that trail. The next submission is more in my wheelhouse and based on my time when I was still clubbing and having fun. It may not seem like it at first but the next one is a personal song to me. 

 

I kinda want to sing a little bit of it so you guys can get a feeling for the rhythm I am going for. Please keep in mind that I don't sing and that my voice is really bad. 

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My song is FULL of killer one-liners and is probably the first "pop" song I've ever written, although it's more rock-ish as well. It's very angry and I'm already done!

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Hey everybody, results for Round 1 will be taking place at 8PM eastern today!

 

We'll be revealing the average score that each song received, and ultimately where each song ranked this round. This should last for about an hour.

 

Definitely need to say a reminder beforehand that where you place doesn't determine your value as a writer, but rather the subjective opinion of what only 4 people thought about your song in the context of the challenge at hand. It's much more important to put value in your reviews instead of your ranking, and to remember that this is only one song, and one round, and who knows what could happen in the next one!

 

Hopefully you can be here to celebrate the first round and the great songs that were created. :heart:

 

The top 3 writers will be receiving gold, silver and bronze token avatars created by @Aurora, like the ones that we have.

 

Here is a countdown to when the results will begin, so you can see when it will be in your time zone:

https://www.timeanddate.com/countdown/valentines?iso=20220828T20&p0=179&msg=GH2+Round+1+results&font=cursive

 

Looking forward to it!

:bird:

 

@Kylie Jenner @Julia Fox @DatChickDoe @Hug @worldwide angel @Allday @Better Mistakes @hurricane326 @EpicSongFan @XO_Life @beatinglikeadrum @camfuckingrockwell @TruGemini @Jack! @Augmented @Gavin. @Legend E @Achilles. @Euterpe @Temporal @Remmy @JoeAg 

 

ps. i'm working on my last few reviews now for anybody still waiting

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Wrote the perfect song for Audrey I think :WAP: @Aurora very tumblr-ish but not cringe-y and also with it’s own personality :gayoncecat1: I can see Sky recording it tbh 

Edited by Julia Fox
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Hmmmm I’m not too confident about this round but I’ll do my best! Lemme read the descriptions of them all again 

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16 minutes ago, Gavin. said:

Is there a Spotify playlist for Aria?

At the moment no, but if one gets made for her I’ll post it and update the challenge post with it also

 

I think a good example that 8thPrince mentioned was Shadow by f(x), it’s a kpop song but if you look at the English lyrics that should help with what Aria is looking for with its unique concept and viewpoint

 

 

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The song I wrote for Diana is quite repetitive (which is not a bad thing). It's all about drinking, summer vibes, getting over an ex, having fun and getting the hottest dudes. It's very easy to sing along to and has a quite infectious chorus. It's not something serious but I could see this smashing (which is what she wants).

 

I think the GP will have an easy time listening and connecting to it. The lyrics are pretty straightforward and the overall vibe just screams Beach Party.

 

It has a Rihanna x Nicki vibe to it. 

 

@fountain how does this sound? 

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2 minutes ago, XO_Life said:

The song I wrote for Diana is quite repetitive (which is not a bad thing). It's all about drinking, summer vibes, getting over an ex, having fun and getting the hottest dudes. It's very easy to sing along to and has a quite infectious chorus. It's not something serious but I could see this smashing (which is what she wants).

 

I think the GP will have an easy time listening and connecting to it. The lyrics are pretty straightforward and the overall vibe just screams Beach Party.

 

It has a Rihanna x Nicki vibe to it. 

 

@fountain how does this sound? 

Sounds fitting to me, Diana is @Jackson's creation though so he would know the best what she is looking for :lakitu: I would say though, repetition in this context I think would make sense given it is for an artist looking specifically for a pop smash, but I would just be careful and make sure that despite the song being repetitive there are still plenty of lyrics which can show off your writing skill. It doesn't have to be serious either, but some of the best pop songs still have clever and interesting ideas to them despite being light hearted! 

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On 8/27/2022 at 12:35 PM, Jackson said:

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Wow, what a strong first round! I haven't judged an ATRL songwriting competition in a few years, and I can say definitively that the writing is much stronger now than it was then. Feel free to let me know if you have any questions on your reviews or feedback on my feedback, or if you'd like me to remove any specific references to lines from your lyrics. 

 

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@Kylie Jenner – Eve
This is an interesting angle – I love a religious themed song, but I’ve never seen Eve’s relationship with the snake presented this way. It’s ambiguous whether she’s in love with the snake or just enamored by his words, but I kinda love that. Specifically, I really enjoyed the second prechorus and the couplet “your tongue has tortured me/how can I sleep when all I do is dream?” – I felt like the imagery of a serpentine tongue really strengthened that line. The second half of the bridge was also excellent, especially the line “But you have no leg to stand on, no bones and no skin”. At times, I felt like certain lines were written just to maintain the rhyme scheme (pearl and gleam come to mind), but overall, this was a really solid first offering and I can’t wait to see where you go next.

 

@Julia Fox – Crying Birds
I loved your concept. The way you took something as mundane as chirping birds and twisted it into something more sinister is really interesting. The image of trees getting undressed in preparation for fall was lovely too. There were a couple little grammatical errors that stood out on first read (“when all its silence”, “sign of life that keep us here”) that won’t affect my score, but I just wanted to make you aware of them. I found it interesting that you hinted at a connection between the crying birds and a lost lover. You could have expanded upon that idea to provide some variety. As is, I did appreciate the ambiguity – it was almost as if your character was trying to forget the person existed, but a different perspective or mood could have helped deepen that feeling.

 

@DatChickDoe – Bite
This was giving me early 2010s Kesha. The lyrics exuded confidence, almost cockiness in a way that tied in well with the animal motif. Choosing a general animal theme instead of a specific animal was a bold choice, and one that didn’t always play in your favor. Referring to a shark bite in one line and swapping paws in another broke the illusion a bit. I’m also not entirely sure what the bridge means – I would love to hear what you were thinking. I think overall, your imagery was strong and effective, and there were some lovely lines, such as “Lips laced with razors/villain masquerades as a savior/nipping at the nectar within”. Your lyrical worldbuilding is quite strong. I think if you kept a little more thematic consistency, it would be even stronger.

 

@Hug – Lilith
I had never heard of Lilith before or her role in the Garden of Eden, so this was actually quite fresh for me. I did a little Wikipedia-ing to learn more. It’s so interesting how something as ubiquitous as the creation story can have different translations and storylines. Thus, I appreciated your own modern spin you put on the story, turning the story into one of feminism instead of good vs evil. You toy with the idea that submission is the true evil, and the way you removed the binary present in the original story was interesting. The snake is often depicted as a purely evil force, and you added some ambiguity to that. Lyrically, your sense of rhythm made the song very easy to read. Even the phrasing of some of the lines seemed biblical (“The trees, there are many, with fruit plenty bear/you should have your choice, this, only fair”). My one nitpick would be that the phrasing of “I tasted that of knowledge” instead of “I tasted of that knowledge” seems a little off, even in this format, but that’s really the only criticism I can think of, and this was one of my favorites this week. Great job!

 

@worldwide angel – Eternal
Don’t we all wish we were a turtle swimming in a waterfall? Perhaps you were really immersed in the perspective of the turtle, but had you not mentioned what animal you chose in your description, I wouldn’t have known you were writing from the perspective of an animal at all. Lyrically, I felt like you really embodied the joyful serenity associated with a leisurely swim. The only word I can use to describe the prechorus is “adorable”. “I do a little dance” ?  OMG. The image of “shards of salt/lay against my sturdy shield” was specifically quite strong. Stylistically, you could have just pressed enter instead of using so many slashes, which I found a little distracting. I also didn’t think the word “masochist” fit into the song, which otherwise was quite effectively simple in language. It was also a fairly dark word that weighed down the otherwise light bridge. Overall, this was a pretty solid first offering. Despite the lyrics being fairly simple, you used them to paint an extremely vivid picture and I felt fully immersed in your lyrical waterfall.

 

@Allday – Animal For You
This song has a lot of personality to it. It feels really punk rock/punk pop, which I know you’re a fan of, so I love that I was able to feel a sense of you in the lyrics despite the darker theme. Like a couple other writers this round, you took a general zoological approach to the challenge rather than picking a specific animal, and like the others, it worked a bit to your detriment. There wasn’t anything here that I hadn’t seen before, especially in the genres I highlighted above. While it was an effective way to portray musical style, it did little to make the lyrics stand out. I did enjoy your chorus – the repeated body parts added to the mood of the song and made clichés like “under your skin” take on a new, darker meaning. Had that sense of detail been present in the verses, along with a clearer, more specific animal theme, the entire song could have been elevated to the level of the chorus. I look forward to seeing what you write next week!

 

@Better Mistakes – Don’t Leave My Life
You missed a chance to say “but it’s still RUFF!” – jk, please don’t actually. This song felt very poppy and catchy, but that didn't always translate to lyrical success. I really liked your chosen concept and I did feel the emotion you were trying to convey, but I would have loved to see you go deeper lyrically. There were a couple throwaway lines (“I knew that time was coming with a plaster” – what does this mean?) that could have been replaced with something to strengthen the story. Specifically, I would have loved to see you delve deeper into the pet and owner’s bond before the new romantic relationship, which would have heightened the emotion even more when the new relationship entered the storyline. 

 

@hurricane326 – I Walk Alone
I had never heard of the Jersey Devil, so I had to do a lil research first. I love this variety of song that serves as both a song and a comprehensive story. Your subject matter and songwriting style here reminded me a lot of Citrus, who went on to win a season a few years ago. Even after reading more about the Jersey Devil, I felt like your song was actually a fairly solid backstory on its own. Specifically, I loved the second stanza where you comprehensively portray the creature. I was a bit confused at the line “Oh Lord please protect me/for my lips are now sewn”, but perhaps this is just a bit of the lore that I missed? The next stanza, starting “His eyes shine red with contempt for freedom” was incredibly strong. I feel like this section specifically sold the story. I think it could have helped to have included a bit more background on the main character and why he was searching out this dangerous creature, but I did appreciate that you focused more on the beast itself. 

 

@EpicSongFan – Sweet Escape
I definitely feel the relationship between your chosen instrumental and lyrics. I could see this as a girl group type song, or a song where the bird and wolf perspectives are represented by different voices. I think that would almost be necessary, because I felt like the bird and wolf sections weren’t as distinct as they could be, which sometimes made the lyrics confusing (I initially thought, why does a bird have bloodshot red eyes hunting for a treasure?). I also felt as though the song couldn’t fully commit to being either metaphorical (“roaming the nightclubs, hiding within the crowd”) or literal. Had you chosen committed more fully to one concept instead of going for two, I think the song would have been a bit stronger. Still, I think you get pop lyric writing, and I look forward to seeing what you come up with next week.

 

@beatinglikeadrum – Cock-a-doodle-do
I kinda screamed when I saw your title. I’ll start with my favorite line: “You’re acting like a peacock but you’re lacking the feathers” – I LOVED this. You also really portrayed a sense of cocky sexiness, which worked well with the theme. You didn’t fully commit to one animal, which in some senses worked, but also gave the feel of like a farmhouse orgy and I’m not sure how I feel about that. I think your song could have benefitted a lot from some editing. There were some nonsensical lines, like “Cause I won’t even look at you unless you have 9”, and a few lines that just needed a bit of cleanup. I wouldn’t fully agree with your characterization of your “flopping” – I see real potential in your one-liners and imagery, and I look forward to seeing what you bring next week.

 

@camfuckingrockwell – Bluebird
The shortness of this made it feel more like poetry than lyrics. I think there’s so much overlap between the two that this could work really well as an intro or an interlude on an album. This reminds me a lot of the Miranda Lambert song by the same name. Since this framing of this topic is fairly common, I would have loved to see a different twist on the theme or a deeper dive into the bluebird’s longing to be uncaged. I think the length of the lines and the song overall “caged” you into the metaphor and didn’t allow it to fully “sing” or “fly free”. Some of your lines also felt forced in to fit the rhyme scheme, which is something you can’t afford quite as much when writing a short song. I did enjoy the “sentence” line – if you wrote a song full of lines like that next week, I think you could be quite successful.

 

@TruGemini – Whisked Away
I liked your approach to the challenge. Giving your song double meaning provided a lot more intrigue, and forced me to read through the lyrics a few times. Your lyrical tone also matched the wistful instrumental perfectly. I think the first half of the song committed more fully to the fish theme, and the second half more to the human theme. I do think you struggled a bit with the rhyme scheme in a few places in the song. I loved the internal rhyming in the prechorus, but there were a few lines that seemed forced (“stride”/”eyes”, “decay” in the chorus). Otherwise, I did love the titular lines in the chorus, specifically “you gotta swim back to me, don’t let them whisk us away”. It felt folky and classic and flowed effortlessly. Had the rest of the song flowed like that, it would have been one of the strongest entries this week.

 

@Jack! – Teddy Bear
I’m not sure if this was intentional, but beyond the Frankenstein elements of the song, I felt like the character was building the perfect man out of a string of one-night stands. I think this theme was more effective than the more sinister, literal piecing together of a person’s body parts, although I appreciated the dark, homoerotic Build-A-Bear thing going on. Structurally, your song flowed really well and your rhymes were super catchy. My favorite part of the song was the chorus, which I felt had strong, descriptive imagery but was catchy enough to work as a hook. My only criticism would be that it wasn’t entirely clear whether you were going for a more human or more monster-ish theme. Overall, this was still one of the strongest entries this week and one that keeps me looking forward to what you’ll write in the coming weeks.

 

@Augmented – Night owl
I’d advise against sharing a negative perception of your own song – because for me your grievances didn’t wholly apply. My main criticism would be that the song felt a little unedited – small errors like “peaks” vs “piques” and “pears” vs “peers” might have been caught after a couple reads through. Otherwise, I actually really enjoyed this. I thought the story was fairly clear, and your song reminded me of TruGemini’s in that there were almost two storylines occurring at once – one literal and one metaphorical. I felt fully immersed in the calm, solitary night you depicted in your lyrics, and it felt like an effective backdrop against both the secretive lovers and night owls. I really loved the 4th verse, and I felt like that was where the story really took off. If there was one aspect of the story that was slightly confusing, it’s the shady figure in the car. Is this one of the lovers or a third character in the story? Still, I think you did a good job this week and I know you’ll only do better in the weeks to come.

 

@Gavin. – Stung
The musicality of these lyrics came across pretty clearly. I could see this being either a synthy dance-pop type song or something with a strong electric guitar lead. Because it read so much like a pop song, it’s hard not to compare it to something like a Britney Spears “Toxic” type song. I think this type of song has been done before fairly frequently, which isn’t necessarily a problem, but I’m not sure if you provided a fresh angle to the theme. Your final line felt a little forced when it could have been something more powerful. Still, there were some really nice lines here. I loved “The venom was hidden in something of beauty” and the internal rhyming of “Both primal, a feeling of survival”. 

 

@Legend E – Moving With The Speed of Light
I really like your chosen concept here – simple and straightforward, yet something I haven’t seen in a song before. The play on words with cheetah/cheater also added to the theme. Still, I think there were some lyrical inconsistencies here. At the beginning of the song, the character seems quite proud of their promiscuity (“a prizefighter but my body count is my reward”) yet near the end talks about cheating through pain, before reverting back to the perspective. In your description you hint at these possibly being two sides of the same hookup culture, but I think it could have been more effectively presented as a transition from one to the other, or as a duet with multiple perspectives. Instead, I think individual lines end up being a lot more effective than the song as a whole. I really enjoyed “I’ve always left before the confetti falls down” and “whatever frightens me will remain”. I think if you had stitched these lines together in a way that was clearer from a storytelling perspective, this could have been a near perfect entry.

 

@Achilles. – Hibernate
Before I even read the rest of your song, I need to say that “It must be open season on my happiness” is a 10/10 opening line – I instantly know what you’re writing about and I’m invested before even reaching the second line. This reads as one of the more musical and less poetic entries, and here I think it worked really well. I could see this as a country or folk song. In addition to the opening line, I loved “I’ll just sleep these blues away/it’s time to hibernate”. There was a wistful sense of defeat that felt tangible. While there’s no specific line I would critique, overall, I think you could have been more devoted to either the metaphoric angle or added some additional storytelling elements. For this song, the second probably would have been more effective. Adding personal details or descriptions would have deepened the lyrical emotion and made the song that much more impactful. I also have to note that “honey, I can’t bear to be so anxious” was witty and a great nod to the challenge. This was a super solid first entry!

 

@Euterpe – Small Beginnings
Why did a think olive ridley was like a cocktail or something? Glad I googled that one. I definitely got the Little Mermaid vibes here too – I could almost imagine a chorus of lil fishies coming out to harmonize on that post-chorus. What is it with all the turtle songs this round just being adorable? I appreciate that you took a more literal approach to this round, but it could have strengthened the song to add some deeper meaning beyond literally just talking about baby turtles crawling towards the ocean. Still, I think you personified the turtles quite well, and little details like “a crack in the shell, a broken curse” helped me imagine the setting of the song. “Turtles of my kind” was an interesting choice of words for a song, but it was so cute I didn’t mind at all. If nothing else, you should sell this to Disney – I’d love to see Halle Bailey singing this.

 

@Temporal – Halcyon’s Wings
I instinctively pulled out my thesaurus after seeing your name, and the title only reinforced that reflex. After reading the song, I was surprised to only see only high school level vocabulary rather than AP English, but the simpler language was much easier to draw emotion from, and, knowing you, every word was purposefully chosen – and I think you made the right choices here. There’s quite a few choices of one-liners to highlight, but I really loved “I’m a petrified passenger to my own life” and “Like the moon in the day ignoring the time”. I’m also a huge fan of questions in lyrics to draw introspection, and I think your delivery was effective. My one minor quip would be that your use of halcyon seemed relatively arbitrary. You could have injected additional meaning through referencing memories of an idyllic past in relation to the actual bird, or referenced seasons of happiness interspersed with stormy seas of depression. Regardless, this was a definitive highlight of the round for me, and proof that you’ve only gotten better with time. I think by reining in the contrived language you’ve made it a lot easier to connect with the lyrics, and it feels more purposeful when you do choose to include a more descriptive word.

 

@Remmy – The Zoo
The faces I made in the coffee shop while reading this – I don’t know if I can show my face here again. I know irreverent sex songs are kinda your thing, but most of these lines still felt original. I can probably say definitively that no one’s ever written the line “and the smell’s fishy too, like tuna mixed with glue” before. The first verse had me thinking you were going in a different direction, and following that immediately with “uncaged, rip my chastity belt off” was jarring in the best kind of way. There were a few lines that weren’t totally necessary (was “Oh wow, oh my, good God, good grief” just there to rhyme with “Barrier Reef”?), but those were fairly uncommon. I’d also highlight “***** pink, red meat, it takes some time to chew” as a highlight, as well as “I’m the freakiest beast in my genus”. There were probably 5 or 6 other highlights, but I don’t want to post your entire song here, so hopefully you post it in the thread for everyone else to enjoy. I don’t want to encourage you to do sex songs almost every week again, but this was excellent.

 

@JoeAg – Tyto Alba
I think the Thesaurus King torch has officially been passed on to you from Temporal. There’s definitely nothing wrong with using less common words in songs, and at times they can convey a sense of meaning that’s more precise than using a more general word. The downside is that they can make a song more academic and less emotive. I think that became the case here, where more conversational lines, such as “Oh, and part of me still craves your warmth” felt jarring in the same song as “Your simulacrum sparks into my mind at random”. Otherwise, this was a lovely entry, and probably one of my favorites I’ve read from you. The beginning of the song was incredibly strong and included one of my favorite couplets – “cascaded as we caressed, wings wrapped so sweetly/but it is time for you to fly, you need my warmth no longer”. Like Remmy, but also not at all like Remmy lyrically, there were too many standout lines here to quote. Your song felt poetic yet accessible, wordy yet simple, in a way that made the lyrics feel universal despite the specific owl references. You strung together series of one liners in a way that felt purposeful and created a larger story – something few other people mastered this round. I look forward to seeing where you go from here!

 

@XO_Life – Body Make-Up
“I shed skin not tears” – what a stellar line, a perfect way to start a chorus. Your lyrics felt catchy and poppy, yet still distinctive enough to work in a lyric writing competition. The verses were short, and while I think your first verse was effective, the second verse wasn’t as impactful. The clown and apple imagery felt unnecessary in the context of the song. Otherwise, I think you made the most of fairly short lyrics. This was extremely evident in the bridge, where, despite the repetition, you delivered one of the best lines of the song: “nowadays evidence is dependent on sympathy”. I read your description after reading through the lyrics once, and while they made the lyrics more impactful and shed additional light on the theme, I think the song still stood strongly on its own. Overall, I think this was a strong first entry, and had the second verse been tightened up a bit, would have been an absolute standout this round.

 

 

updated for @Allday's review

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20 minutes ago, XO_Life said:

The song I wrote for Diana is quite repetitive (which is not a bad thing). It's all about drinking, summer vibes, getting over an ex, having fun and getting the hottest dudes. It's very easy to sing along to and has a quite infectious chorus. It's not something serious but I could see this smashing (which is what she wants).

 

I think the GP will have an easy time listening and connecting to it. The lyrics are pretty straightforward and the overall vibe just screams Beach Party.

 

It has a Rihanna x Nicki vibe to it. 

 

@fountain how does this sound? 

That sounds like the summer smasha Diana's looking for to me :lakitu: I'd echo what fountain said about making sure the lyrics still stand out despite the repetition, but it's definitely possible to do!

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Round 1: The Zoology Challenge, Part 3

 

 

@Allday - Animal For You

There were a couple of other entries like this, but I think you may have misunderstood the challenge somewhat, since instead of writing a song about a specific animal you’ve written a song about animalistic nature in general, which isn’t really what the idea of the challenge was, but since this is only the first round this can be forgiven. The vibe I get from this song is kind of nostalgic in a weird way, that I can imagine it being a single in the early 2010’s for some label’s attempt at having their own Lady Gaga, and they attempt to launch a career with an edgy song like this; I don’t know if that’s what you were really going for, but I can kind of see it in that context, like I can imagine somebody like Porcelain Black or Natalia Kills singing this, or perhaps something from a slightly earlier time, like the MySpace era of music. Lyrically, I like that edge and darker tone that you’ve went for in this song, I don’t think it’s used in the most unique way here (feeling like being in a cage, craving somebody, are generally quite typical themes) so I think that this is something that you can work on in the future to make your songs stand out a bit more as unique, but in terms of the style of your writing I enjoy it in this song and it would be interesting to see where you can take it in the future and how much further you can push this dark vibe. Overall I think this is a good entry for the first round, but I am more interested in seeing something bigger and more distinctive from you in the future.

 

@Gavin. - Stung

I think this song is very brave to have written, having experienced something quite similar I can say it definitely takes some guts to write about this and be open about what happened to you, even though the song is very metaphorical the story is there and I think you’ve done a really strong job of firstly meeting the requirements of the challenge, but secondly writing something really interesting where at first glance you might not notice how deep the song actually is. It’s nuanced, and I like that it’s done in this way because you could’ve tackled a topic like this in a very straightforward and simple way, which would have been fine, but your execution here and the concept that you have went for, paired with this story, makes for a very unique and in my opinion impressive entry. The whole thing works together very well in my opinion, there’s no weak part of the song and no specific part that stands out as the strongest either, it’s just very level and tells the story that it needs to, and I appreciate this. Overall I think this is a very strong entry for the first round, I’m impressed that you’ve already delivered such a personal song and really admire that you went for this, I think it definitely paid off and is one of the most memorable of the round for me.

 

@Legend E - Moving With The Speed of Light

I think it’s clear looking at your explanation of the song, and the lyrics themselves, that a lot of thought went into this song and the concept behind it, and I definitely think it paid off. The cheetah metaphors used here to represent somebody who goes from hookup to hookup are brilliant, it’s a really great example of a metaphor that is clever but also works well in the realm of lyrics since you can relate this to a lot of other things like speed, and cheetah/cheating, which gives multiple layers and balance to your song. Lyrically I think the song is strong too, I have to specifically praise the line “I win every speed dating night” which I think is absolutely killer - it’s so layered with humour and self deprecation, but also meaning and depth to it, which I thought really was a stand out lyric not just in the song but the whole round for me. Overall I think this is a great entry, you’ve excelled at the challenge and written something that explores a really interesting theme with the right amount of depth to it, nice job.

 

@Achilles. - Hibernate

Honestly I laughed at “Bears hibernate.”, indeed they do.

I think your song is pretty relatable, and you’ve explored the emotion here really well; sometimes there truly is nothing I could want more than to just disappear, to not exist for a while, and to relate this to hibernation and bears is a really strong move. Conceptually, this is a great one. Lyrically, I think you brought in a good mix here too. Something I want to point at first and talk about are the bear puns(? would they be called puns? idk) in both of the verses, using bear, barely, and burden, which I think is a really smart way of bringing in the animal itself through the pronunciation of “bear”, without actually ever having to refer to the animal itself anywhere in the song; there’s no way that this wasn’t intentional and I haven’t read any of your other reviews but I just have to point this out in case nobody else has because it was really good. I like the multiple layers throughout the song, while it’s heavy on the emotion and the central theme of wanting to run away, I like that you brought in other ideas in a very subtle way such as deforestation/wildfires, skinning of bears, and hunting; I suppose overall I would call this song very subtle in general, with some real well thought out depth to it when you look into it. Overall I think this is definitely a strong entry, you did a fantastic job with the challenge but also wrote a really emotionally resonant song on top of that, great job.

 

@Euterpe- Small Beginnings 

Omg love the fact that covid restrictions meant more turtles survived hatching thanks to beaches not being populated… thanks humanity!

I think this is a really lovely, beautiful song about the delicacies of nature and the intricacy of life. Exploring the beginning stages of life, and the marvel of the world, through the eyes of a hatched turtle is just fantastic, it is both cute but also incredibly sentimental, and the song creates a really nice balance between being sweet but also having depth behind it which is great; it never steps too far into being childlike or Disneyfied, but always comes back to make you appreciate what is being said and the emotion behind it. Lyrically I think the song matches perfectly with the concept, everything that I have praised your concept for I can do the same for the lyrics, the two match succinctly and I think you’ve perfectly executed the vision of the song you were going for here. Overall a fantastic first entry!

 

@Temporal - Halcyon’s Wings

Um not this revelation that Halcyon is also the name of a type of bird? Literally had no idea.

Really clever to go for a double entendre here with Halcyon both being the bird but also the state of peace, really nice concept and I think you executed it very well. It’s unique but also purposeful and full of meaning, and you tied the two together through the song perfectly too, in that the bird inspires this moment. We love a joyous song, and the chorus here is fantastic at embodying this emotion and really well written. I think this is a great exploration of that moment when the world suddenly comes to light again, and it’s really vivid and beautiful picturing it in association with the flight of a bird. Overall I think this is a strong entry, you mentioned it had been years since you last wrote a song but you definitely jumped right back into it successfully, great job!

 

@Remmy - THE ZOO

When it comes to oneliners, or comedic writing in general, I think we are yet to see anybody else excel at it as you do. This is another great example of how funny yet still impressive your writing is in these types of songs, always making the reader question every other line “literally how did he think of this?”. We’ve talked before about how it can become overdone but in this case it is so fitting for the challenge and the references throughout the song are just so absurd and genius that I wouldn’t have wanted you to attempt anything else this round tbh! It’s quite the experience to read too, starting off as it does and then becoming “uncaged” and turning into the NSFW gem that you are known and loved for; I can’t help but wonder, was this first verse/intro an attempt originally at a more subdued song, or was it written intentionally as a red herring? Now, without further ado my standout, most ****** up lines: “Thick and wide, curved at an angle / it bent a little bit after getting strangled”, “I can tell the rabbits are jealous / and they wish their gooch could be this hairless”, “Life expectancy’s low, so my time is precious / Gotta make so many kids (so we’ll never be endangered)”, “The monkeys gave me a condom… banana flavoured”. As you can see, there are quite a few - this is a disgusting, fabulous mess. Great job.

 

@JoeAg - Tyto Alba

This is incredibly beautiful and really poetic. The concept of depicting a lover as an owl, something wise and piercing and full of splendour, and portraying a break up with this person as them flying away, is really fantastic. What I love most in the song is your descriptions in your lyrics, they are truly wonderful. I think the general idea of someone or something flying away can be quite typical, but with your poetic language and set up you’ve created something that feels mature and full of depth. Specifically my favourite line has to be “Peace of mind is so far to reach, but you seemed to be a prodigy / you could take anyone and they would love you as you were”, which is just so poetic and stunning. Your song overall is very impressive, I loved seeing your writing throughout the first season and felt at times it might have been somewhat overlooked and deserved better, and I truly hope that it receives this, this season; and imagine it will, given how great this first entry is. 

Edited by fountain
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On 8/27/2022 at 6:16 AM, fountain said:

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Round 1: The Zoology Challenge

 

@Kylie Jenner - Eve

Congrats on being the first submission of season two!

Immediately, my initial thought when looking at your submission was that your concept was a really creative way of meeting the challenge of writing inspired by an animal, while incorporating biblical themes through  the story of Eve; this is very well thought out conceptually and a really strong start on that front. Lyrically I think your song is quite strong too, the song overall is very cohesive and puts its message and story across well, and there is no part that wavers or falls flat in that regard. I would say that when it comes to some specific lines though, I think the writing could’ve been pushed further. There are some instances throughout the song where the lyric itself can lack uniqueness a bit - general ideas such as dealing with the demons, loving the pain, it making you insane, these are pretty beaten to death in music and I think perhaps you could have pushed the creativity in these parts a little more so that lyrically the creativeness was as strong as the concept behind the song itself; ultimately some of these specific lines felt almost as if they were kind of like the first thing that came to your mind and you just went with it, and I think the easy rhymes that are in these parts of the songs also heightened the feeling. On the contrary, to praise a part that I thought was the strongest lyrically, I really enjoyed the bridge, specifically the two final lines of the song which I think were the most resonant. Ultimately I would say that in the future I would work more to make sure that each lyric in your song is unique as well as being purposeful to the overall song, and that will strengthen your writing as a whole to the same high that I think you have shown your concepts to be on first impression, and hopefully those concepts continue to be interesting like this one! Overall though for a first entry this is a very solid, good job.

 

@Julia Fox - Crying Birds

I think this song demonstrates what began at the end of season one, which is amazing growth in your writing, and it’s amazing to see this continue. I think that conceptually this is one of your most interesting songs to date, and probably the best executed in terms of matching the overall themes about questioning behind the song, with your writing, which is a great pairing here. What I like is that you’ve really painted this picture here and the song itself is very vivid, I too want to know what is going on with the birds and how they are, and it almost gave a dystopian novel type feeling to the song, that something sinister is brewing and the protagonist in the song can do nothing but be witness to it and notice these things and what is happening to the world. In terms of the challenge this is obviously a great success too since the birds are such an integral part of the story and the lyrics, the song truly takes inspiration from them so you’ve done a wonderful job tackling the challenge. Overall I found this to be a really intriguing and enjoyable entry, in general I do typically love questioning themes and writing that is open to interpretation, but I do truly think that you excelled in this style regardless and that this is one of the best songs I’ve seen from you; great job!

 

@DatChickDoe - Bite

I really enjoyed the overall vibe of this song, it gives me dark club feels, I can picture it as like a Tove Lo song or something like that, so it’s well written in the sense that I can really visualise this song and hear it too, to a degree. I also enjoyed the back and forth between the two people in the song, the predator and the prey if you will, and that at the end of the song the prey steps up to bite; this gives the song a great energy throughout it and means it never feels stagnant or lacking storywise. I will say, in terms of the challenge itself, I don’t think this is the best execution of it. While there are some animalistic phrases and behaviour within the song, there is only two specific mentions of animals, which is the widow in the bridge and the shark in the first verse, and I think the premise of the challenge was more so to write a song that encompasses a specific animal rather than animalistic behaviour in general; however I can’t fault you too much on this because it seems mostly to be more of a misunderstanding of the challenge rather than a lacking interpretation of it, I think. There are some lyrics that I found particularly strong, I really enjoyed the second verse (the Shakespeare part of the song) and the chorus as a whole is also very solid and has some very nice writing to it, these moments your word choice and writing really shined and I look forward to the future and seeing your develop this more and see what you can create, because I think you have it in you to peak right at the top with some more experience and work. Overall a good start to the season. 

 

@Hug - Lilith

Okay, so this is the second snake from the Garden of Eden song, but I still think it’s a really creative and interesting take on the challenge, so I’m not going to let that skew my impression of your song.

*insert me reading the song here*

Well, I have to say, I think this is genius. You’ve so excellently retold the biblical story in a interesting way here and from a fresh perspective, with which the song is filled to the brim with nuance and layers that I think is just, as I said, genius. Not only have you tackled the challenge and also brought in the story of Adam and Eve and the snake/Lilith in a really fresh and interesting way, but on top of all this you’ve also added in really powerful themes of what it means to be a women; themes which are still timely to this day, and when you contrast that literally to the story of humanity’s creation, it’s really impressive. Now, one could still attempt all of this but ultimately fail due to the writing not pulling this all off; but of course, that isn’t the case with you, your writing is as strong as ever and your lyrics remain tight and smooth throughout the song. I could certainly be forgetting specifics about season one, but I’m definitely inclined to agree with what you posted in the thread - this is probably the best song you’ve submitted in Golden Hit thus far. Seriously fantastic.

 

@worldwide angel - Eternal

Wow, reading this song was literally so refreshing and blissful, I was so happy and excited while reading it. Being able to achieve that with your writing is such an incredible sign of something special and with this being the first song I’ve ever read from you, I’m immediately really impressed and intrigued in what you could write in the future for the next challenges. Even though the song has a sombre ending, my impression of it is still beaming and so joyous because your writing itself to me completely embodied that feeling and has such an overall dreamlike, starry presence to it that even though it went there, it still feels beautiful, if that makes sense? The song itself conceptually too is such a unique idea - a turtle swimming in a waterfall - like who thinks of that? Your mind! This is an instance where I kind of struggle to know what to say because I enjoyed the experience of reading the song so much that it’s hard to not gush solely about that. But, do you mind if that’s what this review mostly consists of? Because that’s how I felt and the reaction I had reading your song. I loved it, and I cannot wait to see what you write next. 

 

@Better Mistakes - Don’t Leave My Life

So I read the description of your song first and I was wondering wtf I was about to get myself into, but actually it was a nice pleasant surprise to see how sweet the song actually was. There are some really lovely lyrics here and the overall sentiment of the song, and the theme of wondering about being abandoned or forgotten by somebody important to you, is really well put across. I feel though that the song is perhaps a little short, the two verses are only 4 lines each, the bridge is mostly repetition, and unfortunately this means that there is less area for your writing to be shown off; I think these sections could have used with being expanded, which could have given you more room to impress lyrically, and also more potential to develop the narrative and the story of the song further. I have to say, I don’t get any animal inspiration from this. Like, none at all. If you hadn’t have said that this was intended to be read from the perspective of a pet, then I absolutely never would have guessed that it was supposed to be. Still, even with that context, the song doesn’t resemble the focus of the challenge, in my opinion. That said, the challenge can be put aside and if we look at the song itself, I think this is a very sweet and sentimental song, and I believe it is one of the songs I have enjoyed reading from you the most; so in that regard this is a good job. 

 

@hurricane326 - I Walk Alone

I had never heard of the Jersey Devil before so took to googling it quickly, really interesting to hear about!

I’m glad that somebody chose to go down the route of a folklore creature for this challenge, and I think this concept was perfect for you and paired with your writing style magnificently. I love that you have taken the inspiration of a creature from folklore that is often feared, or used to scare, and instead portrayed the creature here in your song as sympathetic and deserving of empathy, it really shows your nuance both in your concepts and with your writing, since you absolutely pulled it off. The multiple uses of the key phrase ‘alone’ and the way that the idea of being alone was adapted throughout the song and took on different meanings was also marvellous, and made for a really great and fulfilling reading experience. As usual, your writing and the lyrics themselves are very strong throughout the entirety of the song, helping lift up and not only tell your story but also force the reader to visualise it in their mind, the sign of a great storyteller. Overall, I think you’ve done a fantastic and unique job here, another very impressive song from you!

 

EpicSongFan - Sweet Escape

The story that you told here and the animals that you chose to present it through worked really well in my opinion, I was intrigued to see how you would portray both animals as your inspiration in the song, and I think ultimately you succeeded in doing so and the choice to be inspired by both really paid off I think, because they directly play off each other back and forth in the song. For example, reading the first verse and pre chorus you get introduced to the wolves and the menacing vibe of the song, but then in the chorus this is broken up by the bird inspiration and imagery, and going from the one to the other really helped emphasise these feelings further I believe; which of course is something that continues through the song, going back to the menacing feeling in the second verse and pre chorus again, and then the freedom once more in the second chorus. To me it makes the chorus all the more euphoric, and I think i’d definitely say it’s my favourite part of the song - I specifically love the lines “I’ll seek freedom and the hope that it brings / I’ll soar freely across the sky with these wings” which is just really lovely. Overall I very much enjoyed your entry, I think this is a strong starting point to the season and I’m interested to see where you go next!

Side note: of course the cover art is a serve, as usual, too!

 

XO_Life - Body Make-Up

I like that you subverted the typical understanding of a snake and instead showed the protagonist of the song in more of an empathetic and victimised role, it’s very easy to go down the obvious route and depict your chosen animal as what they are typically interpreted as but I like that you put a more nuanced spin on the inspiration of a snake. I think choosing to be inspired by such a case for the story of the song was a bold choice, and works well here with the snake concept that you have paired it with, but in the future I would probably be more interested in hearing things that come from a more personal or down to Earth place, since such a notorious source of inspiration can be somewhat distracting. Overall an interesting first submission but I think you can go further in the future. 

 

Beatinglikeadrum - Cock-a-doodle-do

I don’t think you flopped as hard as you said you did. I actually quite enjoyed the first verse, and really was into the tongue in cheek, confident and humorous lyrics that you had there. I think it went a bit downhill from there, the chorus is pretty much filler, and the bridge (minus the Lana part, lol) and second verse don’t really hit like the first one did. But focusing on the positive aspect, I genuinely did enjoy that first verse, and this could just be a case of not connecting with the challenge, since I know you voiced struggling with it. You definitely showed some promise with that first verse though, so I look forward to seeing what you create in the future and hope that the next challenges are ones that you can enjoy more!

 

Camfuckingrockwell - Bluebird

What I think is put across in your song the best is it’s emotion and personal feeling, these are things that are highly relatable for most people and it’s evident when reading your song that it has this vulnerability and softness behind it, which is really brave to explore in writing, both personally, but moreso in sharing it with others, so I definitely commend you in this. I think the others have touched on this but one thing I would echo is that I do think the song could have been expanded on, while the emotion that you’ve included in the song is pretty deep, I know that there is still much deeper that it could have went, and further that the story could have gone. I really don’t mind the simplicity of your lyrics, I actually think it worked well in this instance and fits with what you were going for, but still the narrative of the song could have been explored more.

 

TruGemini - Whisked Away

The concept that you went for here, with the song purposefully being applicable to both a human situation and an animal one, is a really interesting and unique choice, and I think you pulled it off since reading it through in both contexts it works. In terms of your writing I think it is incredibly smooth and rhythmic as usual, which is somebody I always completely enjoy about your entries and know I can always count on when I see your name appear! I definitely see this song as a continuation of your growth from toward the end of the first season, focusing on emotional aspects in your song, while keeping the narrative interesting and engaging, and this is great to see. Overall I think this is a strong start to the season for you and shows a new, soft side to your writing, which leaves me wondering what we may see from you in the future.

 

Jack! - Teddy Bear

Honestly the idea of combining hook up culture, Frankenstein, and build-a-bear is pretty genius. I mean, I absolutely would never have thought to combine these elements into a song, or how they would work, but they do, and you pulled it off very well! It’s interesting because there are elements of the song which are quite sweet, but then also parts which feel somewhat sinister, and I guess just like the concept behind it, it creates this interesting amalgamation that was really intriguing to read, and certainly very creative. If I had any criticism, I would say that I think the concept and the narrative do the heavy lifting with the song, I don’t think the lyrics themselves specifically standout or are inspiring for the most part, since more than anything they just put across that narrative itself, but with a more conceptual song like this it can typically happen, so I don’t think it says anything about your capability. Overall this was a really creative first entry, which makes me very intrigued to see what you may go for in the future next!

 

Augmented - Night owl

Despite saying that you struggled with this challenge, I think you’ve written a genuinely lovely song here that you should be proud of. It’s definitely relatable for me on a personal level, being a night owl too, and I think you perfectly captured the essence of why people are night owls, and how freeing and relaxing it can be for us (many times I find that it can be questioned a lot why people would be night owls, and can be a really misunderstood thing; well, if they all got to read this song, I think they might begin to understand it more). You had me sold from the beginning, but what really kept me intrigued was how the narrative shifted towards the end of the song and a new story was introduced to it. I think it can be very difficult to pull something like this off, but you absolutely achieved it, because I didn’t feel a disconnect at all, or any whiplash when the change occurred. It was really beautiful, actually, how the song and the understanding of why this person is a night owl started as one thing, and by the end was something totally different with the new added layers in the latter part of the song. Your skill as a writer continues to be clear, even when you say you struggled with the round. Very well done.

 

Allday - Animal For You

There were a couple of other entries like this, but I think you may have misunderstood the challenge somewhat, since instead of writing a song about a specific animal you’ve written a song about animalistic nature in general, which isn’t really what the idea of the challenge was, but since this is only the first round this can be forgiven. The vibe I get from this song is kind of nostalgic in a weird way, that I can imagine it being a single in the early 2010’s for some label’s attempt at having their own Lady Gaga, and they attempt to launch a career with an edgy song like this; I don’t know if that’s what you were really going for, but I can kind of see it in that context, like I can imagine somebody like Porcelain Black or Natalia Kills singing this, or perhaps something from a slightly earlier time, like the MySpace era of music. Lyrically, I like that edge and darker tone that you’ve went for in this song, I don’t think it’s used in the most unique way here (feeling like being in a cage, craving somebody, are generally quite typical themes) so I think that this is something that you can work on in the future to make your songs stand out a bit more as unique, but in terms of the style of your writing I enjoy it in this song and it would be interesting to see where you can take it in the future and how much further you can push this dark vibe. Overall I think this is a good entry for the first round, but I am more interested in seeing something bigger and more distinctive from you in the future.

 

Gavin. - Stung

I think this song is very brave to have written, having experienced something quite similar I can say it definitely takes some guts to write about this and be open about what happened to you, even though the song is very metaphorical the story is there and I think you’ve done a really strong job of firstly meeting the requirements of the challenge, but secondly writing something really interesting where at first glance you might not notice how deep the song actually is. It’s nuanced, and I like that it’s done in this way because you could’ve tackled a topic like this in a very straightforward and simple way, which would have been fine, but your execution here and the concept that you have went for, paired with this story, makes for a very unique and in my opinion impressive entry. The whole thing works together very well in my opinion, there’s no weak part of the song and no specific part that stands out as the strongest either, it’s just very level and tells the story that it needs to, and I appreciate this. Overall I think this is a very strong entry for the first round, I’m impressed that you’ve already delivered such a personal song and really admire that you went for this, I think it definitely paid off and is one of the most memorable of the round for me.

 

Legend E - Moving With The Speed of Light

I think it’s clear looking at your explanation of the song, and the lyrics themselves, that a lot of thought went into this song and the concept behind it, and I definitely think it paid off. The cheetah metaphors used here to represent somebody who goes from hookup to hookup are brilliant, it’s a really great example of a metaphor that is clever but also works well in the realm of lyrics since you can relate this to a lot of other things like speed, and cheetah/cheating, which gives multiple layers and balance to your song. Lyrically I think the song is strong too, I have to specifically praise the line “I win every speed dating night” which I think is absolutely killer - it’s so layered with humour and self deprecation, but also meaning and depth to it, which I thought really was a stand out lyric not just in the song but the whole round for me. Overall I think this is a great entry, you’ve excelled at the challenge and written something that explores a really interesting theme with the right amount of depth to it, nice job.

 

Achilles. - Hibernate

Honestly I laughed at “Bears hibernate.”, indeed they do.

I think your song is pretty relatable, and you’ve explored the emotion here really well; sometimes there truly is nothing I could want more than to just disappear, to not exist for a while, and to relate this to hibernation and bears is a really strong move. Conceptually, this is a great one. Lyrically, I think you brought in a good mix here too. Something I want to point at first and talk about are the bear puns(? would they be called puns? idk) in both of the verses, using bear, barely, and burden, which I think is a really smart way of bringing in the animal itself through the pronunciation of “bear”, without actually ever having to refer to the animal itself anywhere in the song; there’s no way that this wasn’t intentional and I haven’t read any of your other reviews but I just have to point this out in case nobody else has because it was really good. I like the multiple layers throughout the song, while it’s heavy on the emotion and the central theme of wanting to run away, I like that you brought in other ideas in a very subtle way such as deforestation/wildfires, skinning of bears, and hunting; I suppose overall I would call this song very subtle in general, with some real well thought out depth to it when you look into it. Overall I think this is definitely a strong entry, you did a fantastic job with the challenge but also wrote a really emotionally resonant song on top of that, great job.

 

Euterpe - Small Beginnings 

Omg love the fact that covid restrictions meant more turtles survived hatching thanks to beaches not being populated… thanks humanity!

I think this is a really lovely, beautiful song about the delicacies of nature and the intricacy of life. Exploring the beginning stages of life, and the marvel of the world, through the eyes of a hatched turtle is just fantastic, it is both cute but also incredibly sentimental, and the song creates a really nice balance between being sweet but also having depth behind it which is great; it never steps too far into being childlike or Disneyfied, but always comes back to make you appreciate what is being said and the emotion behind it. Lyrically I think the song matches perfectly with the concept, everything that I have praised your concept for I can do the same for the lyrics, the two match succinctly and I think you’ve perfectly executed the vision of the song you were going for here. Overall a fantastic first entry!

 

Temporal - Halcyon’s Wings

Um not this revelation that Halcyon is also the name of a type of bird? Literally had no idea.

Really clever to go for a double entendre here with Halcyon both being the bird but also the state of peace, really nice concept and I think you executed it very well. It’s unique but also purposeful and full of meaning, and you tied the two together through the song perfectly too, in that the bird inspires this moment. We love a joyous song, and the chorus here is fantastic at embodying this emotion and really well written. I think this is a great exploration of that moment when the world suddenly comes to light again, and it’s really vivid and beautiful picturing it in association with the flight of a bird. Overall I think this is a strong entry, you mentioned it had been years since you last wrote a song but you definitely jumped right back into it successfully, great job!

 

Remmy - THE ZOO

When it comes to oneliners, or comedic writing in general, I think we are yet to see anybody else excel at it as you do. This is another great example of how funny yet still impressive your writing is in these types of songs, always making the reader question every other line “literally how did he think of this?”. We’ve talked before about how it can become overdone but in this case it is so fitting for the challenge and the references throughout the song are just so absurd and genius that I wouldn’t have wanted you to attempt anything else this round tbh! It’s quite the experience to read too, starting off as it does and then becoming “uncaged” and turning into the NSFW gem that you are known and loved for; I can’t help but wonder, was this first verse/intro an attempt originally at a more subdued song, or was it written intentionally as a red herring? Now, without further ado my standout, most ****** up lines: “Thick and wide, curved at an angle / it bent a little bit after getting strangled”, “I can tell the rabbits are jealous / and they wish their gooch could be this hairless”, “Life expectancy’s low, so my time is precious / Gotta make so many kids (so we’ll never be endangered)”, “The monkeys gave me a condom… banana flavoured”. As you can see, there are quite a few - this is a disgusting, fabulous mess. Great job.

 

JoeAg - Tyto Alba

This is incredibly beautiful and really poetic. The concept of depicting a lover as an owl, something wise and piercing and full of splendour, and portraying a break up with this person as them flying away, is really fantastic. What I love most in the song is your descriptions in your lyrics, they are truly wonderful. I think the general idea of someone or something flying away can be quite typical, but with your poetic language and set up you’ve created something that feels mature and full of depth. Specifically my favourite line has to be “Peace of mind is so far to reach, but you seemed to be a prodigy / you could take anymore and they would love you as you were”, which is just so poetic and stunning. Your song overall is very impressive, I loved seeing your writing throughout the first season and felt at times it might have been somewhat overlooked and deserved better, and I truly hope that it receives this, this season; and imagine it will, given how great this first entry is. 

 

 

all my reviews are now completed and i've complied them into this post so they are are easier to find and not split up in three parts x

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So I've prepared a demo for Aria as well. ? Now I just need to decide which one I'd like to send to the execs !

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26 minutes ago, fountain said:

 

@JoeAg - Tyto Alba

This is incredibly beautiful and really poetic. The concept of depicting a lover as an owl, something wise and piercing and full of splendour, and portraying a break up with this person as them flying away, is really fantastic. What I love most in the song is your descriptions in your lyrics, they are truly wonderful. I think the general idea of someone or something flying away can be quite typical, but with your poetic language and set up you’ve created something that feels mature and full of depth. Specifically my favourite line has to be “Peace of mind is so far to reach, but you seemed to be a prodigy / you could take anymore and they would love you as you were”, which is just so poetic and stunning. Your song overall is very impressive, I loved seeing your writing throughout the first season and felt at times it might have been somewhat overlooked and deserved better, and I truly hope that it receives this, this season; and imagine it will, given how great this first entry is. 

thank you so much ?:heart:

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