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Golden Hit: Season 2 📀 Congratulations Hug! 🏆


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20 hours ago, fountain said:

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Round 1: The Zoology Challenge, Part 1 

Spoiler


@Kylie Jenner - Eve

Congrats on being the first submission of season two!

Immediately, my initial thought when looking at your submission was that your concept was a really creative way of meeting the challenge of writing inspired by an animal, while incorporating biblical themes through  the story of Eve; this is very well thought out conceptually and a really strong start on that front. Lyrically I think your song is quite strong too, the song overall is very cohesive and puts its message and story across well, and there is no part that wavers or falls flat in that regard. I would say that when it comes to some specific lines though, I think the writing could’ve been pushed further. There are some instances throughout the song where the lyric itself can lack uniqueness a bit - general ideas such as dealing with the demons, loving the pain, it making you insane, these are pretty beaten to death in music and I think perhaps you could have pushed the creativity in these parts a little more so that lyrically the creativeness was as strong as the concept behind the song itself; ultimately some of these specific lines felt almost as if they were kind of like the first thing that came to your mind and you just went with it, and I think the easy rhymes that are in these parts of the songs also heightened the feeling. On the contrary, to praise a part that I thought was the strongest lyrically, I really enjoyed the bridge, specifically the two final lines of the song which I think were the most resonant. Ultimately I would say that in the future I would work more to make sure that each lyric in your song is unique as well as being purposeful to the overall song, and that will strengthen your writing as a whole to the same high that I think you have shown your concepts to be on first impression, and hopefully those concepts continue to be interesting like this one! Overall though for a first entry this is a very solid, good job.

 

@Julia Fox - Crying Birds

I think this song demonstrates what began at the end of season one, which is amazing growth in your writing, and it’s amazing to see this continue. I think that conceptually this is one of your most interesting songs to date, and probably the best executed in terms of matching the overall themes about questioning behind the song, with your writing, which is a great pairing here. What I like is that you’ve really painted this picture here and the song itself is very vivid, I too want to know what is going on with the birds and how they are, and it almost gave a dystopian novel type feeling to the song, that something sinister is brewing and the protagonist in the song can do nothing but be witness to it and notice these things and what is happening to the world. In terms of the challenge this is obviously a great success too since the birds are such an integral part of the story and the lyrics, the song truly takes inspiration from them so you’ve done a wonderful job tackling the challenge. Overall I found this to be a really intriguing and enjoyable entry, in general I do typically love questioning themes and writing that is open to interpretation, but I do truly think that you excelled in this style regardless and that this is one of the best songs I’ve seen from you; great job!

 

@DatChickDoe - Bite

I really enjoyed the overall vibe of this song, it gives me dark club feels, I can picture it as like a Tove Lo song or something like that, so it’s well written in the sense that I can really visualise this song and hear it too, to a degree. I also enjoyed the back and forth between the two people in the song, the predator and the prey if you will, and that at the end of the song the prey steps up to bite; this gives the song a great energy throughout it and means it never feels stagnant or lacking storywise. I will say, in terms of the challenge itself, I don’t think this is the best execution of it. While there are some animalistic phrases and behaviour within the song, there is only two specific mentions of animals, which is the widow in the bridge and the shark in the first verse, and I think the premise of the challenge was more so to write a song that encompasses a specific animal rather than animalistic behaviour in general; however I can’t fault you too much on this because it seems mostly to be more of a misunderstanding of the challenge rather than a lacking interpretation of it, I think. There are some lyrics that I found particularly strong, I really enjoyed the second verse (the Shakespeare part of the song) and the chorus as a whole is also very solid and has some very nice writing to it, these moments your word choice and writing really shined and I look forward to the future and seeing your develop this more and see what you can create, because I think you have it in you to peak right at the top with some more experience and work. Overall a good start to the season. 

 

@Hug - Lilith

Okay, so this is the second snake from the Garden of Eden song, but I still think it’s a really creative and interesting take on the challenge, so I’m not going to let that skew my impression of your song.

*insert me reading the song here*

Well, I have to say, I think this is genius. You’ve so excellently retold the biblical story in a interesting way here and from a fresh perspective, with which the song is filled to the brim with nuance and layers that I think is just, as I said, genius. Not only have you tackled the challenge and also brought in the story of Adam and Eve and the snake/Lilith in a really fresh and interesting way, but on top of all this you’ve also added in really powerful themes of what it means to be a women; themes which are still timely to this day, and when you contrast that literally to the story of humanity’s creation, it’s really impressive. Now, one could still attempt all of this but ultimately fail due to the writing not pulling this all off; but of course, that isn’t the case with you, your writing is as strong as ever and your lyrics remain tight and smooth throughout the song. I could certainly be forgetting specifics about season one, but I’m definitely inclined to agree with what you posted in the thread - this is probably the best song you’ve submitted in Golden Hit thus far. Seriously fantastic.

 

@worldwide angel - Eternal

Wow, reading this song was literally so refreshing and blissful, I was so happy and excited while reading it. Being able to achieve that with your writing is such an incredible sign of something special and with this being the first song I’ve ever read from you, I’m immediately really impressed and intrigued in what you could write in the future for the next challenges. Even though the song has a sombre ending, my impression of it is still beaming and so joyous because your writing itself to me completely embodied that feeling and has such an overall dreamlike, starry presence to it that even though it went there, it still feels beautiful, if that makes sense? The song itself conceptually too is such a unique idea - a turtle swimming in a waterfall - like who thinks of that? Your mind! This is an instance where I kind of struggle to know what to say because I enjoyed the experience of reading the song so much that it’s hard to not gush solely about that. But, do you mind if that’s what this review mostly consists of? Because that’s how I felt and the reaction I had reading your song. I loved it, and I cannot wait to see what you write next. 

 

@Better Mistakes - Don’t Leave My Life

So I read the description of your song first and I was wondering wtf I was about to get myself into, but actually it was a nice pleasant surprise to see how sweet the song actually was. There are some really lovely lyrics here and the overall sentiment of the song, and the theme of wondering about being abandoned or forgotten by somebody important to you, is really well put across. I feel though that the song is perhaps a little short, the two verses are only 4 lines each, the bridge is mostly repetition, and unfortunately this means that there is less area for your writing to be shown off; I think these sections could have used with being expanded, which could have given you more room to impress lyrically, and also more potential to develop the narrative and the story of the song further. I have to say, I don’t get any animal inspiration from this. Like, none at all. If you hadn’t have said that this was intended to be read from the perspective of a pet, then I absolutely never would have guessed that it was supposed to be. Still, even with that context, the song doesn’t resemble the focus of the challenge, in my opinion. That said, the challenge can be put aside and if we look at the song itself, I think this is a very sweet and sentimental song, and I believe it is one of the songs I have enjoyed reading from you the most; so in that regard this is a good job. 

 

@hurricane326 - I Walk Alone

I had never heard of the Jersey Devil before so took to googling it quickly, really interesting to hear about!

I’m glad that somebody chose to go down the route of a folklore creature for this challenge, and I think this concept was perfect for you and paired with your writing style magnificently. I love that you have taken the inspiration of a creature from folklore that is often feared, or used to scare, and instead portrayed the creature here in your song as sympathetic and deserving of empathy, it really shows your nuance both in your concepts and with your writing, since you absolutely pulled it off. The multiple uses of the key phrase ‘alone’ and the way that the idea of being alone was adapted throughout the song and took on different meanings was also marvellous, and made for a really great and fulfilling reading experience. As usual, your writing and the lyrics themselves are very strong throughout the entirety of the song, helping lift up and not only tell your story but also force the reader to visualise it in their mind, the sign of a great storyteller. Overall, I think you’ve done a fantastic and unique job here, another very impressive song from you!

 

 

11 hours ago, Aurora said:

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Hey, Hitmakers! Thank you all for supporting and submitting for Round 1 of Golden Hit: Season 2! It was a pleasure reading all of your songs again. :heart2:

Due to time constraints on my end, my reviews for R1 are going to be on the shorter side. Fortunately, I should be able to delve in a little deeper for R2!

If there is anything in your review that you do not wish to have public (lyric excerpts, references to your material etc.) I will remove it upon request.

 

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1. @Kylie Jenner - “Eve”
I enjoyed this a lot. Your animal of choice was clever, and complemented the well known tale of Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden very naturally. The lyrics and images that referred to the snake, such as spitting words like venom, “cold blooded love”, and the latter part of the bridge were definitely highlights. Thank you for a strong start to Golden Hit: Season 2!

2. @Julia Fox - “Crying Birds”
This was a hauntingly beautiful sentiment. It’s very true that the common folk’s understanding of avian communication is rather rudimentary, and what we may interpret as happy, carefree singing could be something else entirely. I also interpreted this piece as sort of a pessimist’s worldview; everything has been so sad since that special someone left, that even happy birds are interpreted as a negative. Thought-provoking!

3. @DatChickDoe - “Bite”
I definitely wasn’t expecting this animal inspiration, but I’m pleasantly surprised. You could have gone down the water imagery angle, and while you did a little in the second verse, I like how you’ve committed to a dance club setting. The image of someone circling the dance floor like a shark circling its prey definitely worked! I’m glad you had fun, because I had fun reading it, and it was nice to see something like this from you this season.

4. @Hug - “Lilith”
I certainly didn’t anticipate many overlapping animals this round, let alone the specific snake from the garden of Eden. Curious! This was an interesting offering from you, and I enjoyed the risk of some of the more archaic syntax. It was a definitely stylistic choice that I believe aided this piece. We love an equality anthem, and as far as they go, this was definitely a strong one.

5. @worldwide angel - “Eternal”
Welcome to the tournament! This was a nice first offering from you, I didn’t pick up on your animal inspiration at first but upon a re-read, lyrics such as the first journey and “sturdy shield” made a lot more sense. You have a strong sense of rhythm and, I imagine, melody. Lyrically, I think there was definitely more room for opportunity to expand on some of those comparisons between daydreaming in the shower and a turtle in a waterfall, and creating some interesting, deep metaphors while retaining all of that lovely imagery. Well done!

6. @Allday - “Animal For You”
I will update this review once your song is accessible. :matty:

7. @Better Mistakes - “Don't Leave My Life”
I didn’t pick up on the animal inspiration until I read your other information section, which in reality just means your song could be interpreted in a number of different ways. I think for this specific challenge, it would have been strengthened by a handful of lyrics that made it clear it was from a pet’s perspective amongst the more ambiguous and all-applicable lyricism. The bridge could have been that perfect “a-ha” moment where any misconceptions that the song is from the point of view of a person rather than an animal are cleared up.

8. @hurricane326 - “I Walk Alone”
This was fantastic! Being an uncultured Australian, I hadn’t actually heard of the Jersey Devil, so that was certainly an eye-opening read. After a quick education from the University of Wikipedia, I can say you’ve done a wonderful effort to integrate so many details into this piece, yet when reading it unaware of these details, it still translates as an epic, almost Nordic folk type song. Your unique style and poetic aptitude served you well here, and this was a strong debut for you this season.

9. @EpicSongFan - “Sweet Escape”
Birds and wolves are definitely solid choices for inspiration, especially in a contrasting manner such as this. The second verse is great, combining the nightclub setting with the animal inspiration in a wonderfully metaphorical manner. At times, I felt as if there were too many contrasting images or ideas that didn’t seem to fit these core themes (nightclub, birds/wolves) such as the crown of thorns, and seeking treasure. Honing in on your main ideas and making everything work together would have elevated this even more.

10. @XO_Life - “Body Make-Up”
I’d like to preface this review by saying I don’t know a lot about this situation, and don’t wish or intend to cause any offence. The connection to your animal inspiration was very, very loose, and that’s being generous. The “snake” in question is referring to the definition of a treacherous or deceitful person rather than the animal itself. That aside, this had an opportunity to be a statement piece, but I don’t think it packed enough of an emotional punch, for want of a better term. You definitely have potential and I look forward to your next song!


11. @beatinglikeadrum - “Cock-a-doodle-do”

Oh wow, trying to upstage Remmy’s iconic “Flowerbloom”, are we?! This was really something. I honestly really liked your verses, you integrated the bird references very well, and there were some genuinely funny lines. “You're acting like a peacock but you're lacking the feathers,” was great, and I legitimately screamed at, “I'll only think about you while reading a horoscope for the chinese zodiac signs.” I get the chorus, but I would have liked to see something more lyrically engaging, and I know you’re capable of that! The “Cola” reference tho, on point.

 

12. @camfuckingrockwell - “Bluebird”

This was a little on the shorter side. To me, this reads like a fantastic starting point for a song! You have two verses, a chorus, and maybe a bridge or outro section. Your animal of choice was a good fit for the style of song you have gone for. With some expansion and rearrangement, this definitely has potential.

 

13. @TruGemini - “Whisked Away”
I honestly don’t know if this is chaos or genius. Chaotic genius, perhaps? Writing a song that can be interpreted from the perspective of a humble fish or an arrested human was certainly not what I expected going into reading this entry, yet somehow you made it work. Part of me still thinks it’s a bit of a reach, but hey, it’s your art! Thank you for the creative concept.

14. @Jack! - “Teddy Bear”
Similarly to TruGemini’s review, I don’t know if this is chaos or genius? Objectively speaking this was quite a fun read, even if I didn’t really “click” what the song was about until maybe halfway through since I’m definitely not so inclined. I’m here to judge entries however, not people, and this was a well-constructed, well-written, and highly inventive song. The animal inspiration was loose, but I can see the trail of thought clearly. Nice work!

15. @Augmented - “Night owl”
Lack of inspiration, who? Or should I say hoot? :eli: I love owls! This was such a wonderfully constructed song from the way it seemed as if it was setting up to depict the owl and boy as unlikely friends/allies in the dead of night, to the revelation of the true meaning of the song. Being a night owl myself, as well as one who has snuck out after dark to experience similar rendezvous, I felt very connected to this piece. Just wonderful!

16. @Gavin. - “Stung”
Ooh, another rather unique choice of animal, albeit a clever one. Scorpions definitely lend themselves to lyrical interpretation, I think! The prechorus was really wonderful here. I’d have liked to see longer verses that expanded on the metaphor more, the bridge was a great balance of metaphor and true meaning. Overall I think this was a really solid approach to the challenge. A good debut!

17. @Legend E - “Moving With The Speed of Light”
I’m enjoying seeing all of these different animal inspirations and their clever lyrical interpretations. The cheetah/cheater angle was done well, reinforced by the fast life aspect also. While I can’t relate a lot to this piece, I consider it to be a well formulated and cleverly written work. The floor stained red by ignored feelings was a powerful image. An exciting start to this season for you!

18. @Achilles. - “Hibernate”
I knew you were worried about nothing! This was another strong offering from you. The usage of “bear” in the non-animal sense throughout the verses was clever, and didn’t feel thrown in haphazardly. The chorus was simple, sweet, and effective. We’ve all wanted that before. I’m not sure if you were making a political statement in the second verse, but it definitely could be interpreted as a reference to deforestation and global warming alike, which is fantastic. A stellar outing from you this season.

19. @Euterpe - “Small Beginnings”
This was very nice, perhaps almost too nice? Baby sea turtles have one of the most notoriously difficult journeys from sand to sea upon hatching, as even outlined in the video you linked. It almost feels remiss not to represent this? That said, this was a well-written piece from a more literal interpretation of the challenge and, for the lucky few who do make it, it is a nice ode to them.

20. @Temporal - “Halcyon’s Wings”
Welcome back to the fold! I haven’t had the pleasure of reading any of your material in a long while, and I have to say it has been worth the wait. Your inspiration was beautiful, and the selection of the Halcyon birds complemented the word’s adjective meaning in a clever manner. The uncaged bird imagery in the second verse was another great moment for these two intersecting concepts. The closing couplet in the chorus really was just lovely. Thank you for submitting!

21. @Remmy - “THE ZOO”

Oh wow, I definitely did not expect this angle from you!! /s In all seriousness, I think the break between seasons was kind to you, this was definitely your strongest sex bop since “Flowerbloom”. Like the aforementioned, it satisfied the challenge in an interesting way without compromising on quality, standout lyrics. Admittedly, not everything is sensational, but the Barrier Reef section sent me, and—I won’t lie—I ugly cry-laughed at, “Suckin' out my milk while I let out a moo”.

 

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22. @JoeAg - “Tyto Alba”

I really love owls. This was quite simply immaculate. Definitely my favourite song you’ve submitted for a Golden Hit tournament thus far, it resonated with me so intensely. It satisfied the challenge in a way that felt so effortless and natural and I almost got lost in the beauty and honesty of this song. I don’t really have much more to say other than thank you for writing this and sharing it with us.

 

7 hours ago, Jackson said:

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Wow, what a strong first round! I haven't judged an ATRL songwriting competition in a few years, and I can say definitively that the writing is much stronger now than it was then. Feel free to let me know if you have any questions on your reviews or feedback on my feedback, or if you'd like me to remove any specific references to lines from your lyrics. 

 

 

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@Kylie Jenner – Eve
This is an interesting angle – I love a religious themed song, but I’ve never seen Eve’s relationship with the snake presented this way. It’s ambiguous whether she’s in love with the snake or just enamored by his words, but I kinda love that. Specifically, I really enjoyed the second prechorus and the couplet “your tongue has tortured me/how can I sleep when all I do is dream?” – I felt like the imagery of a serpentine tongue really strengthened that line. The second half of the bridge was also excellent, especially the line “But you have no leg to stand on, no bones and no skin”. At times, I felt like certain lines were written just to maintain the rhyme scheme (pearl and gleam come to mind), but overall, this was a really solid first offering and I can’t wait to see where you go next.

 

@Julia Fox – Crying Birds
I loved your concept. The way you took something as mundane as chirping birds and twisted it into something more sinister is really interesting. The image of trees getting undressed in preparation for fall was lovely too. There were a couple little grammatical errors that stood out on first read (“when all its silence”, “sign of life that keep us here”) that won’t affect my score, but I just wanted to make you aware of them. I found it interesting that you hinted at a connection between the crying birds and a lost lover. You could have expanded upon that idea to provide some variety. As is, I did appreciate the ambiguity – it was almost as if your character was trying to forget the person existed, but a different perspective or mood could have helped deepen that feeling.

 

@DatChickDoe – Bite
This was giving me early 2010s Kesha. The lyrics exuded confidence, almost cockiness in a way that tied in well with the animal motif. Choosing a general animal theme instead of a specific animal was a bold choice, and one that didn’t always play in your favor. Referring to a shark bite in one line and swapping paws in another broke the illusion a bit. I’m also not entirely sure what the bridge means – I would love to hear what you were thinking. I think overall, your imagery was strong and effective, and there were some lovely lines, such as “Lips laced with razors/villain masquerades as a savior/nipping at the nectar within”. Your lyrical worldbuilding is quite strong. I think if you kept a little more thematic consistency, it would be even stronger.

 

@Hug – Lilith
I had never heard of Lilith before or her role in the Garden of Eden, so this was actually quite fresh for me. I did a little Wikipedia-ing to learn more. It’s so interesting how something as ubiquitous as the creation story can have different translations and storylines. Thus, I appreciated your own modern spin you put on the story, turning the story into one of feminism instead of good vs evil. You toy with the idea that submission is the true evil, and the way you removed the binary present in the original story was interesting. The snake is often depicted as a purely evil force, and you added some ambiguity to that. Lyrically, your sense of rhythm made the song very easy to read. Even the phrasing of some of the lines seemed biblical (“The trees, there are many, with fruit plenty bear/you should have your choice, this, only fair”). My one nitpick would be that the phrasing of “I tasted that of knowledge” instead of “I tasted of that knowledge” seems a little off, even in this format, but that’s really the only criticism I can think of, and this was one of my favorites this week. Great job!

 

@worldwide angel – Eternal
Don’t we all wish we were a turtle swimming in a waterfall? Perhaps you were really immersed in the perspective of the turtle, but had you not mentioned what animal you chose in your description, I wouldn’t have known you were writing from the perspective of an animal at all. Lyrically, I felt like you really embodied the joyful serenity associated with a leisurely swim. The only word I can use to describe the prechorus is “adorable”. “I do a little dance” ?  OMG. The image of “shards of salt/lay against my sturdy shield” was specifically quite strong. Stylistically, you could have just pressed enter instead of using so many slashes, which I found a little distracting. I also didn’t think the word “masochist” fit into the song, which otherwise was quite effectively simple in language. It was also a fairly dark word that weighed down the otherwise light bridge. Overall, this was a pretty solid first offering. Despite the lyrics being fairly simple, you used them to paint an extremely vivid picture and I felt fully immersed in your lyrical waterfall.

 

@Allday – Animal For You
[TBD]

 

@Better Mistakes – Don’t Leave My Life
You missed a chance to say “but it’s still RUFF!” – jk, please don’t actually. This song felt very poppy and catchy, but that didn't always translate to lyrical success. I really liked your chosen concept and I did feel the emotion you were trying to convey, but I would have loved to see you go deeper lyrically. There were a couple throwaway lines (“I knew that time was coming with a plaster” – what does this mean?) that could have been replaced with something to strengthen the story. Specifically, I would have loved to see you delve deeper into the pet and owner’s bond before the new romantic relationship, which would have heightened the emotion even more when the new relationship entered the storyline. 

 

@hurricane326 – I Walk Alone
I had never heard of the Jersey Devil, so I had to do a lil research first. I love this variety of song that serves as both a song and a comprehensive story. Your subject matter and songwriting style here reminded me a lot of Citrus, who went on to win a season a few years ago. Even after reading more about the Jersey Devil, I felt like your song was actually a fairly solid backstory on its own. Specifically, I loved the second stanza where you comprehensively portray the creature. I was a bit confused at the line “Oh Lord please protect me/for my lips are now sewn”, but perhaps this is just a bit of the lore that I missed? The next stanza, starting “His eyes shine red with contempt for freedom” was incredibly strong. I feel like this section specifically sold the story. I think it could have helped to have included a bit more background on the main character and why he was searching out this dangerous creature, but I did appreciate that you focused more on the beast itself. 

 

@EpicSongFan – Sweet Escape
I definitely feel the relationship between your chosen instrumental and lyrics. I could see this as a girl group type song, or a song where the bird and wolf perspectives are represented by different voices. I think that would almost be necessary, because I felt like the bird and wolf sections weren’t as distinct as they could be, which sometimes made the lyrics confusing (I initially thought, why does a bird have bloodshot red eyes hunting for a treasure?). I also felt as though the song couldn’t fully commit to being either metaphorical (“roaming the nightclubs, hiding within the crowd”) or literal. Had you chosen committed more fully to one concept instead of going for two, I think the song would have been a bit stronger. Still, I think you get pop lyric writing, and I look forward to seeing what you come up with next week.

 

@beatinglikeadrum – Cock-a-doodle-do
I kinda screamed when I saw your title. I’ll start with my favorite line: “You’re acting like a peacock but you’re lacking the feathers” – I LOVED this. You also really portrayed a sense of cocky sexiness, which worked well with the theme. You didn’t fully commit to one animal, which in some senses worked, but also gave the feel of like a farmhouse orgy and I’m not sure how I feel about that. I think your song could have benefitted a lot from some editing. There were some nonsensical lines, like “Cause I won’t even look at you unless you have 9”, and a few lines that just needed a bit of cleanup. I wouldn’t fully agree with your characterization of your “flopping” – I see real potential in your one-liners and imagery, and I look forward to seeing what you bring next week.

 

@camfuckingrockwell – Bluebird
The shortness of this made it feel more like poetry than lyrics. I think there’s so much overlap between the two that this could work really well as an intro or an interlude on an album. This reminds me a lot of the Miranda Lambert song by the same name. Since this framing of this topic is fairly common, I would have loved to see a different twist on the theme or a deeper dive into the bluebird’s longing to be uncaged. I think the length of the lines and the song overall “caged” you into the metaphor and didn’t allow it to fully “sing” or “fly free”. Some of your lines also felt forced in to fit the rhyme scheme, which is something you can’t afford quite as much when writing a short song. I did enjoy the “sentence” line – if you wrote a song full of lines like that next week, I think you could be quite successful.

 

@TruGemini – Whisked Away
I liked your approach to the challenge. Giving your song double meaning provided a lot more intrigue, and forced me to read through the lyrics a few times. Your lyrical tone also matched the wistful instrumental perfectly. I think the first half of the song committed more fully to the fish theme, and the second half more to the human theme. I do think you struggled a bit with the rhyme scheme in a few places in the song. I loved the internal rhyming in the prechorus, but there were a few lines that seemed forced (“stride”/”eyes”, “decay” in the chorus). Otherwise, I did love the titular lines in the chorus, specifically “you gotta swim back to me, don’t let them whisk us away”. It felt folky and classic and flowed effortlessly. Had the rest of the song flowed like that, it would have been one of the strongest entries this week.

 

@Jack! – Teddy Bear
I’m not sure if this was intentional, but beyond the Frankenstein elements of the song, I felt like the character was building the perfect man out of a string of one-night stands. I think this theme was more effective than the more sinister, literal piecing together of a person’s body parts, although I appreciated the dark, homoerotic Build-A-Bear thing going on. Structurally, your song flowed really well and your rhymes were super catchy. My favorite part of the song was the chorus, which I felt had strong, descriptive imagery but was catchy enough to work as a hook. My only criticism would be that it wasn’t entirely clear whether you were going for a more human or more monster-ish theme. Overall, this was still one of the strongest entries this week and one that keeps me looking forward to what you’ll write in the coming weeks.

 

@Augmented – Night owl
I’d advise against sharing a negative perception of your own song – because for me your grievances didn’t wholly apply. My main criticism would be that the song felt a little unedited – small errors like “peaks” vs “piques” and “pears” vs “peers” might have been caught after a couple reads through. Otherwise, I actually really enjoyed this. I thought the story was fairly clear, and your song reminded me of TruGemini’s in that there were almost two storylines occurring at once – one literal and one metaphorical. I felt fully immersed in the calm, solitary night you depicted in your lyrics, and it felt like an effective backdrop against both the secretive lovers and night owls. I really loved the 4th verse, and I felt like that was where the story really took off. If there was one aspect of the story that was slightly confusing, it’s the shady figure in the car. Is this one of the lovers or a third character in the story? Still, I think you did a good job this week and I know you’ll only do better in the weeks to come.

 

@Gavin. – Stung
The musicality of these lyrics came across pretty clearly. I could see this being either a synthy dance-pop type song or something with a strong electric guitar lead. Because it read so much like a pop song, it’s hard not to compare it to something like a Britney Spears “Toxic” type song. I think this type of song has been done before fairly frequently, which isn’t necessarily a problem, but I’m not sure if you provided a fresh angle to the theme. Your final line felt a little forced when it could have been something more powerful. Still, there were some really nice lines here. I loved “The venom was hidden in something of beauty” and the internal rhyming of “Both primal, a feeling of survival”. 

 

@Legend E – Moving With The Speed of Light
I really like your chosen concept here – simple and straightforward, yet something I haven’t seen in a song before. The play on words with cheetah/cheater also added to the theme. Still, I think there were some lyrical inconsistencies here. At the beginning of the song, the character seems quite proud of their promiscuity (“a prizefighter but my body count is my reward”) yet near the end talks about cheating through pain, before reverting back to the perspective. In your description you hint at these possibly being two sides of the same hookup culture, but I think it could have been more effectively presented as a transition from one to the other, or as a duet with multiple perspectives. Instead, I think individual lines end up being a lot more effective than the song as a whole. I really enjoyed “I’ve always left before the confetti falls down” and “whatever frightens me will remain”. I think if you had stitched these lines together in a way that was clearer from a storytelling perspective, this could have been a near perfect entry.

 

@Achilles. – Hibernate
Before I even read the rest of your song, I need to say that “It must be open season on my happiness” is a 10/10 opening line – I instantly know what you’re writing about and I’m invested before even reaching the second line. This reads as one of the more musical and less poetic entries, and here I think it worked really well. I could see this as a country or folk song. In addition to the opening line, I loved “I’ll just sleep these blues away/it’s time to hibernate”. There was a wistful sense of defeat that felt tangible. While there’s no specific line I would critique, overall, I think you could have been more devoted to either the metaphoric angle or added some additional storytelling elements. For this song, the second probably would have been more effective. Adding personal details or descriptions would have deepened the lyrical emotion and made the song that much more impactful. I also have to note that “honey, I can’t bear to be so anxious” was witty and a great nod to the challenge. This was a super solid first entry!

 

@Euterpe – Small Beginnings
Why did a think olive ridley was like a cocktail or something? Glad I googled that one. I definitely got the Little Mermaid vibes here too – I could almost imagine a chorus of lil fishies coming out to harmonize on that post-chorus. What is it with all the turtle songs this round just being adorable? I appreciate that you took a more literal approach to this round, but it could have strengthened the song to add some deeper meaning beyond literally just talking about baby turtles crawling towards the ocean. Still, I think you personified the turtles quite well, and little details like “a crack in the shell, a broken curse” helped me imagine the setting of the song. “Turtles of my kind” was an interesting choice of words for a song, but it was so cute I didn’t mind at all. If nothing else, you should sell this to Disney – I’d love to see Halle Bailey singing this.

 

@Temporal – Halcyon’s Wings
I instinctively pulled out my thesaurus after seeing your name, and the title only reinforced that reflex. After reading the song, I was surprised to only see only high school level vocabulary rather than AP English, but the simpler language was much easier to draw emotion from, and, knowing you, every word was purposefully chosen – and I think you made the right choices here. There’s quite a few choices of one-liners to highlight, but I really loved “I’m a petrified passenger to my own life” and “Like the moon in the day ignoring the time”. I’m also a huge fan of questions in lyrics to draw introspection, and I think your delivery was effective. My one minor quip would be that your use of halcyon seemed relatively arbitrary. You could have injected additional meaning through referencing memories of an idyllic past in relation to the actual bird, or referenced seasons of happiness interspersed with stormy seas of depression. Regardless, this was a definitive highlight of the round for me, and proof that you’ve only gotten better with time. I think by reining in the contrived language you’ve made it a lot easier to connect with the lyrics, and it feels more purposeful when you do choose to include a more descriptive word.

 

@Remmy – The Zoo
The faces I made in the coffee shop while reading this – I don’t know if I can show my face here again. I know irreverent sex songs are kinda your thing, but most of these lines still felt original. I can probably say definitively that no one’s ever written the line “and the smell’s fishy too, like tuna mixed with glue” before. The first verse had me thinking you were going in a different direction, and following that immediately with “uncaged, rip my chastity belt off” was jarring in the best kind of way. There were a few lines that weren’t totally necessary (was “Oh wow, oh my, good God, good grief” just there to rhyme with “Barrier Reef”?), but those were fairly uncommon. I’d also highlight “***** pink, red meat, it takes some time to chew” as a highlight, as well as “I’m the freakiest beast in my genus”. There were probably 5 or 6 other highlights, but I don’t want to post your entire song here, so hopefully you post it in the thread for everyone else to enjoy. I don’t want to encourage you to do sex songs almost every week again, but this was excellent.

 

@JoeAg – Tyto Alba
I think the Thesaurus King torch has officially been passed on to you from Temporal. There’s definitely nothing wrong with using less common words in songs, and at times they can convey a sense of meaning that’s more precise than using a more general word. The downside is that they can make a song more academic and less emotive. I think that became the case here, where more conversational lines, such as “Oh, and part of me still craves your warmth” felt jarring in the same song as “Your simulacrum sparks into my mind at random”. Otherwise, this was a lovely entry, and probably one of my favorites I’ve read from you. The beginning of the song was incredibly strong and included one of my favorite couplets – “cascaded as we caressed, wings wrapped so sweetly/but it is time for you to fly, you need my warmth no longer”. Like Remmy, but also not at all like Remmy lyrically, there were too many standout lines here to quote. Your song felt poetic yet accessible, wordy yet simple, in a way that made the lyrics feel universal despite the specific owl references. You strung together series of one liners in a way that felt purposeful and created a larger story – something few other people mastered this round. I look forward to seeing where you go from here!

 

@XO_Life – Body Make-Up
“I shed skin not tears” – what a stellar line, a perfect way to start a chorus. Your lyrics felt catchy and poppy, yet still distinctive enough to work in a lyric writing competition. The verses were short, and while I think your first verse was effective, the second verse wasn’t as impactful. The clown and apple imagery felt unnecessary in the context of the song. Otherwise, I think you made the most of fairly short lyrics. This was extremely evident in the bridge, where, despite the repetition, you delivered one of the best lines of the song: “nowadays evidence is dependent on sympathy”. I read your description after reading through the lyrics once, and while they made the lyrics more impactful and shed additional light on the theme, I think the song still stood strongly on its own. Overall, I think this was a strong first entry, and had the second verse been tightened up a bit, would have been an absolute standout this round.
 

 

 

 

 

3 hours ago, 8thPrince said:

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Greetings, Hitmakers! I'm steadily working on getting everyone the full review they deserve, but just so you aren't left hanging, here's my first half of reviews!


If there is anything in your review that you do not wish to have public (lyric excerpts, references to your material etc.) I will remove it upon request.

 

  Reveal hidden contents

 

  Reveal hidden contents

1. @Kylie Jenner - “Eve”
I’m a huge fan of “tidiness” in songs, and what I mean by that is lyrics that demonstrate an understanding of rhyme scheme, meter, and a balanced structure in regards to stanzas and sections. You already show a strong understanding of these foundations, so kudos to you! What I think would benefit you for your next song are the following: One, variety when it comes to rhyme scheme and rhyme types. The entire piece follows AABB and AAAA rhyme scheme. For example, “Eden/weakened/beaten/demons” is an AAAA scheme, and “pain/insane/dream/gleam” is AABB. While this isn’t an issue in isolation, when these are stacked one after the other, the piece can begin to read as sounding repetitive. (I’d also argue AAAA is closely related to AABB, as you’re essentially doing rhyming couplets in succession.) In addition to rhyme scheme, I’d encourage you to explore playing with less strict rhymes. Strong rhymes such as “girl/pearl” “choice/rejoice” have already been paired in songs before and can lead to a sense of predictability. Meanwhile, slant rhymes open up the possibilities of what you can say next. “Hurt/deserve” make a slant rhyme, and I thought that was fresher than the lines that came before it in the bridge.

My second pointer for next time would be finding a fresh way to talk about an action or feeling other than just stating the action or feeling. The song paints a picture of Eve’s conflict, but is doing so in ways that could be described as plainly expository. With your next song, maybe you can ask “how can I create an emotional hook with the reader?” For example, the first line of the prechorus: “I’ve never felt so trapped in this garden of eden”. You could ask how to convey entrapment without saying “trap”. Something like “The trees of Eden were the bars of my cage” might create some interest with the reader and give them something to latch onto. You just want to look for anywhere you can add some unique perspective rather than describing.

2. @Julia Fox - “Crying Birds”

You’re dead-on that this piece has an ambiguous feeling, the abstract sense it gives definitely held up after a few readings. If I were to hazard a guess, I’m getting the sense that this is about… Transition? From someone being there with the narrator and then now they’re not. It causes them to recontextualize occurrences such as birds singing with the sense of longing they’re feeling now. There’s some writing I really like here, such as saying the “trees are getting undressed” to represent fall, and the idea of the “singing statute” being a bird who doesn’t immediately flee from the narrator as they eye each other.

I’m very happy that we can get diverse entries in Golden Hit, but I do have to admit it falls a little flat for me with the loose meter and rhyme scheme, along with there not being a killer image or knockout concept to pair it with that makes the loss of the first two points worth it. It reads more strongly as a poem than a song, which isn’t an issue, but I wonder what you might make if you were to tighten up the structure a bit?

3. @DatChickDoe - “Bite”

Now you didn’t tell us what animal you were doing but I did get shark before you name-dropped it at the end of the verse. With that in mind, there are some examples of really strong songwriting here, some of the best I’ve read in the round! The entire first verse was on point. “Lips laced with razors” is definitely a one-liner I’d place within the top 3 of the round, that’s really striking imagery. Your writing has a very commercial edge, and that’s something I really appreciate as a lot of writers lean more to prose in ATRL songwriting games! The rhyme scheme, meter and structure were tight, for the most part.

If I were to give a couple of pointers: for starters, I’d suggest writing out every repetition of the lyrics, rather than doing “refer to chorus”, just for clarity’s sake. I could not tell whether you intended for the section above or below to denote what we should be re-reading as the chorus (I assumed it was the section above.).

Second, while it wasn’t a huge issue in regards to it impacting your score, I’d suggest paying attention to not mixing metaphors as a general rule for more potent songwriting, especially as there will be more “thematic” challenges in the future. If we’re talking about sharks, it helps sharpen the song’s point if you keep focus on that specific metaphor, rather than diverting to sirens, spiders, and terrestrial predators (Such as animals with “paws”, just a minor nitpick but also be aware of what tone your word choice sets: We associate paws with friendly animals such as house cats, dogs, baby bears etc. Wouldn’t “claws” be more pointed and aggressive, for example?). All in all, this was a strong first entry, and I’m interested to see how you build on this in the next challenge!

4. @Hug - “Lilith”

Very strong composition-wise in regards to structure/meter and rhymes. All the rhymes felt natural, and the piece had an easy-to-understand flow. I’d expect no less from one of our songwriting vets!

I do need to admit I didn’t really grasp onto much here despite it being well-written. I think there’s a couple of parts as to why and I hope this advice might spark some possible directions/development for songs in future rounds: 

1. I personally am not a fan of passive voicing/inverted voicing/Yodaspeak etc. I completely understand how it fits thematically here as you’re going for a more archaic voicing to match the Biblical theme, but it does become a bit much when almost every line is inverted. Which sort of leads to my second reservation:

2. I think the voicing/execution combined with the theme of Eve and the snake was low-hanging fruit (Pun intended). It’s a bit too obvious to write the song in this way which made the originality suffer, in my opinion. I think there was a more adventurous way to have these same characters and same thoughts illustrated without reaching to Ole English, especially in a round where this same story was so popular. In future rounds, I’d be excited to see what your command of song structure looks like when paired with a fresh concept.


5. @worldwide angel - “Eternal”

I don’t know how you did it but I absolutely got “sea turtle” before I read your additional info. So, huge kudos for the specific animal choice and having that communicated within the song. My first critique that I’d suggest ironing out before your next submission has nothing to do with the song and all about the format: I’d suggest always using line breaks rather than slashes (“/”) to separate lines if you want to illustrate the meter. I understand it might look uglier to have a lone word or two in its own line, but it’s an easier read than adding additional visible text. Ideally, you can keep it all one complete line to match your full line, but I wouldn’t split the difference using text like the slashes.

Now that that’s out of the way, I kind of read my own story into this! It was a very cinematic piece, I could just picture a newborn turtle hatchling taking his first steps off the beach and exploring the ocean. This was one of the more vibrant entries when it came to imagery this week, and I’d love to see you build on your knack for imagery in the following rounds. One piece of advice is to balance word choice and tone: The piece has a very free feeling, but the instances of the words “die” and “masochist” have a weight that’s wildly imbalanced from the rest of the song, and clash with the tone. You just want to make sure each word choice positively adds to the picture you’re painting, and you’ll be set!

6. @Allday - “Animal For You”
TBA

7. @Better Mistakes - “Don't Leave My Life”

I think you hit upon a really strong concept and unique take on the challenge (That being the perspective of a domesticated animal.), and in fact one that has been explored in a recent hit song. (Try not to cry while watching the music video!) However, I think you’ve come up a bit short, despite a proven and strong basis. I think the issue of why it didn’t connect for me is twofold: 1) the composition and 2) the execution of the theming.

1. I’d suggest caution with how often you repeat anything in a song, especially singular words. I think there’s a way you can make the repetition of love in the prechorus catchy, as well as a way to make the twists on the use of “please” in the chorus not only catchy, but also clever: But in both examples, I found them to just be restating the same point in two ways, which wasn’t very engaging. The verses advanced your story, but the prechorus and chorus seemed to spin in place. For the next round, I’d suggest analyzing each major section and asking how it advances the narrative of the whole song. 

2. I didn’t get that it was about a pet and not a person until I read your additional info. While I’m not a purist about adherence to the challenge and won’t dock you for it, I think it would’ve strengthened your song to mix a bit more of the viewpoint in there, because it is a unique take. For example, I don’t get the sense of what kind of animal this is even with the added info. I’m assuming a dog, but it could also be a cat, hamster, parrot, snake, etc. In the Yuuri song, besides the obvious dog name “Leo”, he has details about being petted (So this animal has fur) and close loyalty (So it’s likely not a hamster or cat, ie a dog.). Think about what details you can bring in.

I know it seems like I’m ragging, but I want to reemphasize this was a strong concept. It’s only the second time I’ve read something like this, and the first time in English, so you’ve definitely got some unique ideas, and I’m interested in what you come up with next, as you really did think outside the box here, despite it not completely coming across on paper.

8. @hurricane326 - “I Walk Alone”

Ok I immediately got cryptid/mythical creature and the exact story of the Jersey Devil had slipped my mind before I read your additional info but I did get shades of that! (I ended up settling on dragon as your animal of choice before checking LMAO.). I think that’s a really inspired choice of “animal” and it gave your song a unique flair compared to the general direction other entries went in. I liked that there was a bit of a narrative here and thought you had a strong command of song composition.

To nitpick, I do think the structure was a bit repetitive, but I do understand you wanted a more folk-y theming, and this lends to that. It feels like it could be read around a campfire, it has a strong sense of atmosphere. As I review this, I’m realizing I liked this more than I thought originally! Certainly memorable, and very well constructed, good work!

9. @EpicSongFan - “Sweet Escape”

(Love Dive is a major bop, first things first.)

I’d like to start off by complimenting the structure of your song. I got a sense of dynamism, i.e. each section introduced a new component of the story, and the moments where it’s meant to peak (Such as the chorus) peaked emotionally, etc. It felt like a fully plotted song with narrative, and I got the sense of it being a commercial pop song. (This was before I checked your instrumental link, btw!)

I have two pointers for you: Similar to the advice I gave Kylie Jenner, try to find ways to say plain/common actions and feelings in a fun way. I thought the first verse of the song was creative (A crown of thorns is a neat way to describe a false compliment.), but in contrast, the outro lacked that creativity. Additionally, if you are aiming for a more commercial feel, make sure to commit to conventions such as rhyme scheme: There’s a few points where the rhyme scheme is randomly dropped or completely absent, such as in the very first verse, and it makes for an awkward read. Overall, I liked the pop-y approach you took for this!

10. @XO_Life - “Body Make-Up”

I have a lot to say about this song:

1. “I shed skin, not tears” is the best one-liner of this round
2. It’s giving me major Taylor Swift Reputation era vibes? I get a huge commercial edge from this song and it’s got the same scornful feel. I think it’s a lot better written than a lot on that album, too.


This song is short and sweet but it doesn’t feel like anything’s missing. It’s really well composed, and I just love love love the central line. I think with the additional info you provided in mind, it fits really well for any woman who’s villainized by the world. There’s a lot of great lines here outside of the central one, too: I liked “my name became a punchline” and “evidence is dependent on sympathy” as well.

I honestly think this was the best realization of the very popular snake theming this round. I think you could put up a really strong showing if you continue with one-liners like you did here.

 (One last thing, I think your original title is much stronger than “Body Makeup”, but I respect your choice as the writer!)

11. @beatinglikeadrum - “Cock-a-doodle-do”

OK the Lana line made me snort on both readings which is actually a good start because you got a reaction from me. So I don’t agree that you flopped!

Let’s look at the positives: You clearly understand the structure needed for this type of song and have a command of rhyme scheme, which is less common than you’d think! So you do have a solid foundation to build off of. There are some nuggets of good bars you could expand on sprinkled throughout. I could see the zodiac lines or the peacock one being refined to make a knockout bar. What I think limits the song are the mixed metaphors. I would’ve suggested focusing on the bird metaphors, as that’s less common in rap and all of pop music than the “kitty” metaphor.

If you want to pursue further rap songs, what you could maybe do is take it in the direction of taking down a cocky man, and use the rooster/bird metaphor to springboard and come up with various punchlines, then try to create connective tissue that makes them flow together. Just some ideas. I’d be interested in seeing you revisit this style of rap tbh!
 

 

 

 

thank you all for the sweet messages and the strong criticism ?? i’ll try using line breaks and including better words moving forward :heart2:

 

this was really fun and i can’t wait to do my research for round two

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9 minutes ago, fountain said:

don't let our girls down, i'm sure they're all dying for a Remmy penned hit :keir:

now that I think about it I need more info! tell me who they stan, where they were on january 6th & what they tweeted in the past :cupid: oh and previous collaborators in case any of them were in the studio with a certain non-doctor.

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4 minutes ago, Remmy said:

now that I think about it I need more info! tell me who they stan, where they were on january 6th & what they tweeted in the past :cupid: oh and previous collaborators in case any of them were in the studio with a certain non-doctor.

You can see who Yin Yin and Audrey stan from their Spotify playlists, and what their solo music could potentially sound like :keir: 

 

I believe Diana was in Iceland, Aria was probably at a fashion show or something, nobody ever knows where Yin Yin is, and Audrey was probably in her bedroom according to her wiki page

 

None of them have collaborated with that certain somebody, but I have no doubt that Diana happily would stoop low enough to do so, like another European flop star...

 

 

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can happily confirm that after bonding over cocteau twins, yin-yin and i are currently working on getting her a Best New Music review on Pitchfork

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8 minutes ago, worldwide angel said:

can happily confirm that after bonding over cocteau twins, yin-yin and i are currently working on getting her a Best New Music review on Pitchfork

:jonny5::jonny4: so here for this!

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Oh, I'm tanking it.

 

@8thPrince would Shadow by f(x) or Russian Roulette by Rihanna be examples of songs Aria is looking for (in terms of unique metaphors/concepts). Need this for science.

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Wait I just re-read the small prompts/went over the wiki articles, and it turns out miss Diana diamond is looking for something that lines up really well with an idea I've been fiddling with since yesterday. ??? maybe I won't tank after all!

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um, now a wasp just infiltrated my room (it's the middle of the night btw, so this is unusual), the zoology challenge must have jinxed me cause these animals coming for me can't be a coincidence!

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1 hour ago, XO_Life said:

So Diana wants that summer banger? Done.

Absolutely, her management team is perched :jonny5:

38 minutes ago, Remmy said:

now that I think about it I need more info! tell me who they stan, where they were on january 6th & what they tweeted in the past :cupid: oh and previous collaborators in case any of them were in the studio with a certain non-doctor.

Diana is getting her Spotify playlist ready, but she primarily stans ex girl group members, summer bop-makers, and Scandinavian pop stars. She has issued a statement that she "unequivocally condemns Dr Luke and stands with the women affected by his malicious actions", but ATRL News reports that she would probably hop on a voice memo of a fart if it assured her a #1 hit

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3 minutes ago, Jackson said:

Diana is getting her Spotify playlist ready, but she primarily stans ex girl group members, summer bop-makers, and Scandinavian pop stars. She has issued a statement that she "unequivocally condemns Dr Luke and stands with the women affected by his malicious actions", but ATRL News reports that she would probably hop on a voice memo of a fart if it assured her a #1 hit

:dies:

 

the lore! 

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18 minutes ago, Hug said:

Oh, I'm tanking it.

 

@8thPrince would Shadow by f(x) or Russian Roulette by Rihanna be examples of songs Aria is looking for (in terms of unique metaphors/concepts). Need this for science.

fx is among Aria’s favorite artists and she’d love to do something in that vein ?

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Updated the challenge post with Diana’s Spotify playlist!:

 

 

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I feel like Aria would suit a Natalia Kills or Muna type song, wouldn’t she?

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7 minutes ago, Achilles. said:

I feel like Aria would suit a Natalia Kills or Muna type song, wouldn’t she?

Her label is telling me this would be intriguing :eek: 

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Hard at work in the studio preparing a demo for Diana right now

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5 minutes ago, Hug said:

Hard at work in the studio preparing a demo for Diana right now

same except reviews :celestial5:

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Okay I speedran this song, I have a draft already. However, I want to also write something for Aria and then I'll have to decide which demo I want to send ?

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Round 1: The Zoology Challenge, Part 2

 

 

@EpicSongFan - Sweet Escape

The story that you told here and the animals that you chose to present it through worked really well in my opinion, I was intrigued to see how you would portray both animals as your inspiration in the song, and I think ultimately you succeeded in doing so and the choice to be inspired by both really paid off I think, because they directly play off each other back and forth in the song. For example, reading the first verse and pre chorus you get introduced to the wolves and the menacing vibe of the song, but then in the chorus this is broken up by the bird inspiration and imagery, and going from the one to the other really helped emphasise these feelings further I believe; which of course is something that continues through the song, going back to the menacing feeling in the second verse and pre chorus again, and then the freedom once more in the second chorus. To me it makes the chorus all the more euphoric, and I think i’d definitely say it’s my favourite part of the song - I specifically love the lines “I’ll seek freedom and the hope that it brings / I’ll soar freely across the sky with these wings” which is just really lovely. Overall I very much enjoyed your entry, I think this is a strong starting point to the season and I’m interested to see where you go next!

Side note: of course the cover art is a serve, as usual, too!

 

@XO_Life - Body Make-Up

I like that you subverted the typical understanding of a snake and instead showed the protagonist of the song in more of an empathetic and victimised role, it’s very easy to go down the obvious route and depict your chosen animal as what they are typically interpreted as but I like that you put a more nuanced spin on the inspiration of a snake. I think choosing to be inspired by such a case for the story of the song was a bold choice, and works well here with the snake concept that you have paired it with, but in the future I would probably be more interested in hearing things that come from a more personal or down to Earth place, since such a notorious source of inspiration can be somewhat distracting. Overall an interesting first submission but I think you can go further in the future. 

 

@beatinglikeadrum - Cock-a-doodle-do

I don’t think you flopped as hard as you said you did. I actually quite enjoyed the first verse, and really was into the tongue in cheek, confident and humorous lyrics that you had there. I think it went a bit downhill from there, the chorus is pretty much filler, and the bridge (minus the Lana part, lol) and second verse don’t really hit like the first one did. But focusing on the positive aspect, I genuinely did enjoy that first verse, and this could just be a case of not connecting with the challenge, since I know you voiced struggling with it. You definitely showed some promise with that first verse though, so I look forward to seeing what you create in the future and hope that the next challenges are ones that you can enjoy more!

 

@camfuckingrockwell - Bluebird

What I think is put across in your song the best is it’s emotion and personal feeling, these are things that are highly relatable for most people and it’s evident when reading your song that it has this vulnerability and softness behind it, which is really brave to explore in writing, both personally, but moreso in sharing it with others, so I definitely commend you in this. I think the others have touched on this but one thing I would echo is that I do think the song could have been expanded on, while the emotion that you’ve included in the song is pretty deep, I know that there is still much deeper that it could have went, and further that the story could have gone. I really don’t mind the simplicity of your lyrics, I actually think it worked well in this instance and fits with what you were going for, but still the narrative of the song could have been explored more.

 

@TruGemini - Whisked Away

The concept that you went for here, with the song purposefully being applicable to both a human situation and an animal one, is a really interesting and unique choice, and I think you pulled it off since reading it through in both contexts it works. In terms of your writing I think it is incredibly smooth and rhythmic as usual, which is somebody I always completely enjoy about your entries and know I can always count on when I see your name appear! I definitely see this song as a continuation of your growth from toward the end of the first season, focusing on emotional aspects in your song, while keeping the narrative interesting and engaging, and this is great to see. Overall I think this is a strong start to the season for you and shows a new, soft side to your writing, which leaves me wondering what we may see from you in the future.

 

 

@Jack! - Teddy Bear

Honestly the idea of combining hook up culture, Frankenstein, and build-a-bear is pretty genius. I mean, I absolutely would never have thought to combine these elements into a song, or how they would work, but they do, and you pulled it off very well! It’s interesting because there are elements of the song which are quite sweet, but then also parts which feel somewhat sinister, and I guess just like the concept behind it, it creates this interesting amalgamation that was really intriguing to read, and certainly very creative. If I had any criticism, I would say that I think the concept and the narrative do the heavy lifting with the song, I don’t think the lyrics themselves specifically standout or are inspiring for the most part, since more than anything they just put across that narrative itself, but with a more conceptual song like this it can typically happen, so I don’t think it says anything about your capability. Overall this was a really creative first entry, which makes me very intrigued to see what you may go for in the future next!

 

@Augmented - Night owl

Despite saying that you struggled with this challenge, I think you’ve written a genuinely lovely song here that you should be proud of. It’s definitely relatable for me on a personal level, being a night owl too, and I think you perfectly captured the essence of why people are night owls, and how freeing and relaxing it can be for us (many times I find that it can be questioned a lot why people would be night owls, and can be a really misunderstood thing; well, if they all got to read this song, I think they might begin to understand it more). You had me sold from the beginning, but what really kept me intrigued was how the narrative shifted towards the end of the song and a new story was introduced to it. I think it can be very difficult to pull something like this off, but you absolutely achieved it, because I didn’t feel a disconnect at all, or any whiplash when the change occurred. It was really beautiful, actually, how the song and the understanding of why this person is a night owl started as one thing, and by the end was something totally different with the new added layers in the latter part of the song. Your skill as a writer continues to be clear, even when you say you struggled with the round. Very well done.

Edited by fountain
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Got like FIVE more reviews but gonna take a break and then try to get back to them with a fresh mind. If not I'll wrap up within 12 hours!

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Final call for @Allday to please unlock your document, otherwise we won't be able to give you a score for this round, I fear. :dancehall3:

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Also, thread title and golden links posts updated. :celestial5: #BLɅϽKGO⅃DINYOURNEIGHBORHOOD

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