discussion I think my friend cut me off for forgetting her birthday...

[mercurialworld]

Hello, ATRLsties. I hope you are having a good morning, afternoon, evening, or whatever.

I have/had a friend, let's name her Z, for 3-4 years. We were extremely close at one point, but like people do in life, you sometimes grow apart from each other, for no particular reason (I feel as if this was beginning to happen to us, as we'd sometimes go a month without talking to each other). 

I recently texted her asking if she wanted to meet up soon, and how she was. She never got back to me, so I just asked if everything was alright again, and she got back to me the next day saying how I forgot it was her birthday and that she felt like "****" because she thought we were "closer than that".

Now, admittedly, I do not have social media to keep up with what everyone is up to, let alone knowing when everyone's big day is. I explained to Z that I simply forgot as I have been busy as she has been and things were 100 between us. I made sure to completely reassure her that. She told me thank you for my apology, but never got back to me after I asked how she has been.

I understand that people are allowed to hold grudges and be upset, but we are pushing into our mid 20's. I simply forgot a date, and I admitted that I was wrong and that I was sorry. I tried to make it up to her, but she's still not talking to me.

 

Should I just move on and "let sleeping dogs lie" as they say, or should I try and reach out to her again? I miss her as a friend, but I understand that people change and that not everyone stays in your life. I don't want to lose a friend over this.

[infrared]

Girl I have close friends who I remind it’s my birthday - I stopped stressing over it many years ago 

 

if you want to continue - give it some time and try again - you apologized - the ball is in her court 

[BennyThruelen]

It's a big deal to me when ppl forget my bday. which explains why I only have 1 friend. 

 

one time, my mom forgot my bday and only realized it later in the day. what hurts me was, she greeted someone an advance happy bday while she was in the car with me on the day of my birthday that she forgot. imagine the hurt? 

 

 

[Raver]

Your friend needs to learn that the world doesn’t stop because it’s her birthday. Give her time and if she continues being weird then it’s best to cut things off. She’s in her mid twenties not a teenager. Time to grow Up.mp3

[bliaz]

4 minutes ago, Raver said:

Your friend needs to learn that the world doesn’t stop because it’s her birthday. Give her time and if she continues being weird then it’s best to cut things off. She’s in her mid twenties not a teenager. Time to grow Up.mp3

[Mark!]

birthdays are still a thing?

you already did the grown up thing and apologized, so it's her loss now.

[Haus]

16 minutes ago, BennyThruelen said:

It's a big deal to me when ppl forget my bday. which explains why I only have 1 friend. 

 

one time, my mom forgot my bday and only realized it later in the day. what hurts me was, she greeted someone an advance happy bday while she was in the car with me on the day of my birthday that she forgot. imagine the hurt? 

That’s devastating, I’m sorry. 
 

OP, listen to @Raver

[Alessandra]

9 minutes ago, Raver said:

Your friend needs to learn that the world doesn’t stop because it’s her birthday. Give her time and if she continues being weird then it’s best to cut things off. She’s in her mid twenties not a teenager. Time to grow Up.mp3

+1

[Alessandra]

A friend of mine pulled some BS like that about a week ago. Things had been kinda weird between us after I returned from Germany in January. We had lunch and she was throwing some shade at me and the work that I do. Then, for the past six months she would send me some short replies whenever I wrote, and would always close her messages with vapid sh*t like "I hope you and your family are enjoying the summer." For some reason those niceties read rather passive aggressive to me. They were simply not the kind of messages we used to exchange. 

 

Then I noticed she had unfollowed me on social media. So I asked if we were OK and she waited two days to respond (mind you, this woman is obsessed with her phone). She then sent me another short reply that indicated she was mad because I had not congratulated her for getting some grant at work. I told her I was not even aware of the grant or of her getting it since she hadn't told me or posted about it anywhere.

 

I apologized and even told her that I was proud of some work she had published (which I found by accident on someone else's insta, cause she hadn't even bothered to share it with me) but clearly it wasn't enough. She was like "Oh, thanks for taking the time to check it out. Hope you and your family are blessed." I still did exactly the same thing you did. I asked her if she'd like to meet up on her next visit to NY so that we could catch up, but there's been no reply.

 

That's the end of that for me. I don't beg people for anything. So, while I was hurt because we had been close friends for six years, I'm not gonna die over this. Seasons change, people change. She can go on with her fabulous life and I'll go on with my basic existence.

[crf13]

34 minutes ago, Raver said:

Your friend needs to learn that the world doesn’t stop because it’s her birthday. Give her time and if she continues being weird then it’s best to cut things off. She’s in her mid twenties not a teenager. Time to grow Up.mp3

This! 

[Archetype]

Some people take birthdays very seriously, idk why.  If you were her significant other or parent, maybe I can see why she’d be upset, otherwise, it’s really immature.  I’m lucky if any of my friends remember when it’s my birthday ever since I stopped using Fb years ago.  

[kandicha]

I opened this thread because I've cut off someone (a former best friend) for forgetting my birthday before  That being said, she never made it up to me, there were other tensions at the time that made the situation worse, and then other stuff happened that made me decide to cut her off for good..

 

You on the other hand already apologized so it's much different. Maybe there's something else going on in her life that made her overreact? I think it's worth reaching out one last time (after letting some time pass for tensions to calm down) and if she still is hostile then you did your best so it might be time to move on.

[mercurialworld]

Thanks for all the responses already. It seems kind of childish to keep going back and forth over something like this, especially if we're not kids anymore. I think I will message her one more time later, and if she doesn't respond, I'll just let it go and move on. She was a good friend, but if she doesn't want to talk to me anymore then that's her decision.

[Alldeezy]

I've forget my oldest friends birthday every year (26 years friendship)  they shouldn't drop you because of it

 

 

I mean I'm trying to remember my own bfs birthday I know its end of this month. 

[Alldeezy]

2 hours ago, Raver said:

Your friend needs to learn that the world doesn’t stop because it’s her birthday. Give her time and if she continues being weird then it’s best to cut things off. She’s in her mid twenties not a teenager. Time to grow Up.mp3

this

[NOW]

I've witnessed some falling outs over friends forgetting each other's birthdays so yeah..I guess some people care a lot about that. I personally could care less if my friends forgot unless we planned something ahead of time.

 

If it helps, you could create an event reminder on a calendar app on your phone so you at least don't forget to greet them. I only know a handful of birthdays from family/friends that I care about so I try my best to remember.

 

Regarding your situation, you did all that you could, it's really on her now if she wants to reciprocate.

[Luckitty]

do people actually care about birthdays  most of my friends don't even know when my birthday is and I don't know theirs either.. friendships are more than stupid concepts like birthdays

 

[FailSafe]

The immaturity, the pettiness Imagine cutting off a friend for many years because they forgot about your bday  I've had some friends like that and I just say treat me a meal as a compensation (in a joking manner, and then they actually treat me)

[bleuwaffle]

lol my best friend of 17 years forgot my birthday this year and i didn't care, i know she's busy and has a life too.  we got lunch later that week and she treated me then which was nice!

[Homebrand]

OP, can you clarify if you just forgot her birthday or if she had an event etc planned for her birthday and you completely forgot both? 

 

If its the latter, then you're at fault for forgetting and not putting in the effort / being organised. I find it hard to believe a friend would be angry at you for not saying ''happy birthday'' (if it was a family member yes, but friend no) so I find it hard to believe were getting the full story here 

 

 

[mercurialworld]

1 hour ago, Homebrand said:

OP, can you clarify if you just forgot her birthday or if she had an event etc planned for her birthday and you completely forgot both? 

 

If its the latter, then you're at fault for forgetting and not putting in the effort / being organised. I find it hard to believe a friend would be angry at you for not saying ''happy birthday'' (if it was a family member yes, but friend no) so I find it hard to believe were getting the full story here 

 

 

I just forgot it was her birthday. We had no plans or anything, but I would've loved to do something if I had known  not hiding anything here I fear

[Dancehall Queen]

It’s immature but I imagine there’s more going on for her. Maybe she was already upset at you two growing apart and then this set her off? 
 

That being said, I have friends who I see/talk to a few times a year and it’s just very natural when I do. It’s part of getting older.  Everyone kind of needs to be on the same page so the friendship doesn’t end over something small like this.  

[mercurialworld]

30 minutes ago, Mendussy said:

It’s immature but I imagine there’s more going on for her. Maybe she was already upset at you two growing apart and then this set her off? 
 

That being said, I have friends who I see/talk to a few times a year and it’s just very natural when I do. It’s part of getting older.  Everyone kind of needs to be on the same page so the friendship doesn’t end over something small like this.  

Exactly. I'm trying to be as humane as possible and see things from her point of view, but at the same time this is childish and I feel like if she can't let this go, then maybe it was never meant to be. I feel like if you care about someone, you'd be willing to work things out and not just write them off over one mistake.

I have friends like that as well though, the ones you reconnect with after months and everything still feels completely organic.  Thought we could be like that too

Edited August 18, 2022 by mercurialworld

[Raphy23]

I forgot my best friend's (we were inseparable from ages 12-20) birthday 3 years in a row. But now he lives across the country. I remembered this year but I think he blocked me because the messages keep saying "undelivered" and I can't find him on instagram.

[Robert]

Honestly some people are really extra about birthdays and I could understand her being upset if you were still very close or she had invited you to celebrate but it’s really not that serious.