Purr Posted July 30, 2022 Share Posted July 30, 2022 I don’t post here quite often, but I’m trying to see how other people cope when they are hit with depressing news and maybe learn a thing or two. This week has been the worst week of my life. On Monday, I found out I got a job offer from my dream company. Of course, I was ecstatic and the only plan I had was to celebrate with my family and take them out to a nice dinner. However, two days later, my mom, who is my world, was diagnosed with stage III cancer. My life just felt like it stopped once I found out. I’m trying to be strong and hopeful. It’s a bit easier to stay positive during the day, especially as I’m conducting my research on her disease and reaching out to support groups for resources and contacting the top cancer hospitals for appointments. However, nighttime is exceptionally difficult, and each and every pessimistic thought hits me and I struggle to fall asleep. How do you deal with this, especially at night? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brazil Posted July 30, 2022 Share Posted July 30, 2022 (edited) Hi bb, sorry to hear that. I think you just need to be there for her. We live in a world that try the best to shun any negative emotion, but it's important to understand that negative feelings will eventually be part of everyone's life, and there is nothing wrong with that. Just understand that they will past. That said, I did a quick search on stage 3 cancer and the survival rate is very high for most types, so you're right to stay hopeful. At night try to do some body scans before going to sleep to help you not overthink the situation, I found that really helped when I was going through some intense anxiety and having a hard time sleeping (I used the app Calm), and also took some natural medicine with Valerian and humulus lupulus. Perhaps therapy might also be a good idea. You're doing your part and supporting your mom and should remain optimistic until said to otherwise, be sure of that. I've lost my father many years ago, he died during surgery. So I really understand your fears and sadness of having a parent ill. Edited July 30, 2022 by brazil Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GentleEarthquake Posted July 30, 2022 Share Posted July 30, 2022 I have always used music to cope with bad news or bad situations. I think the best thing you can do is find ways to not let the dark thoughts take over your mind Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gorgeous Posted July 30, 2022 Share Posted July 30, 2022 Don't ignore depressive thoughts. Its a process you have to go through in order to get better. Many people who want to pretend that they are just happy and move on with their life later get hit by unaddressed trauma and haunt them forever. That's what people mean when they say to face your demons. Its okay to feel sad and have anxiety/lose sleep, and don't be afraid to tell people around you that you are sad, and if they ignore you- better for your future self. If you need to cry each night for half a year, then do it. Don't feel ashamed. On daily basis I cope by going to the gym and making progress there. Truth is that progress in the gym is accumulative (if you lift 90kg this month, next you are doing 95kg for sure, you are not going to lose your ability to perform a lift from day 1 to day 10), however progress with mental health is much more different, you might be getting well in a week, and by next Tuesday you might don't even want to get out of bed. Mental health is like a roller coaster and it is unpredictable. So I advice you to keep on doing/pick up a new sport and try to progress every day. Maybe even learn to play an instrument, a new language, etc. Something that you can look back next month and see results. Mental health is tricky and the only way to deal with it is to feel how you feel, don't believe people who will force you to be overly positive and overcompensate on the other side of the balance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Slayne Posted July 30, 2022 Share Posted July 30, 2022 I'm sorry to hear that, it sounds like a difficult situation for you. There is no quick and easy fix to problems like this. Acknowledge your negative emotions and let yourself feel them. It's okay to cry, it's okay to be sad, and it's okay to be angry. But if you can, please try to remember to take care of yourself. Maybe take a week off work and spend time with your mum. Go to the movies and treat yourself to some nice food. Spend time with your friends and try to do the activities you would normally do to take your mind off the cancer. If you just lie down in your bed your thoughts will probably spiral and it will be more difficult to cope later on. I wish you well and hope your mum recovers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Purr Posted July 30, 2022 Author Share Posted July 30, 2022 17 minutes ago, brazil said: Hi bb, sorry to hear that. I think you just need to be there for her. We live in a world that try the best to shun any negative emotion, but it's important to understand that negative feelings will eventually be part of everyone's life, and there is nothing wrong with that. Just understand that they will past. That said, I did a quick search on stage 3 cancer and the survival rate is very high for most types, so you're right to stay hopeful. At night try to do some body scans before going to sleep to help you not overthink the situation, I found that really helped when I was going through some intense anxiety and having a hard time sleeping (I used the app Calm), and also took some natural medicine with Valerian and humulus lupulus. Perhaps therapy might also be a good idea. You're doing your part and supporting your mom and should remain optimistic until said to otherwise, be sure of that. I've lost my father many years ago, he died during surgery. So I really understand your fears and sadness of having a parent ill. Thanks. This has really brought us a lot closer to each other. I am grateful that my relatives and my moms’ friends have been extremely supportive, but it just aches my heart when I hear my mom cry. I am the youngest in my family, so I know she always worries about me the most. I always let her know that I am in good hands and that she never has to worry about me. My mom has pancreatic cancer, which is one of the worst cancers out there. It’s not impossible to treat, but it’s going to be difficult. However, I am hopeful because I will to anything and everything to make sure she gets the best possible treatments, even if it involves a lot of travel. I’m sorry to hear about your dad. The one thing that makes me emotional is when I know my mom is worried about me and my future. She is scared that I will be alone, but I will reassure her that she raised me to be the best version of myself and that she has nothing to worry about. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Purr Posted July 30, 2022 Author Share Posted July 30, 2022 23 minutes ago, GentleEarthquake said: I have always used music to cope with bad news or bad situations. I think the best thing you can do is find ways to not let the dark thoughts take over your mind I wish I was in the mood for music. I haven’t listened to music for a week now, which I didn’t think was ever going to happen. I do like to put on some Twitch streams or funny videos to help myself fall asleep, but it’s when I wake up in the middle of the night that makes it hard to get myself to fall back asleep… Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Purr Posted July 30, 2022 Author Share Posted July 30, 2022 16 minutes ago, Gorgeous said: Don't ignore depressive thoughts. Its a process you have to go through in order to get better. Many people who want to pretend that they are just happy and move on with their life later get hit by unaddressed trauma and haunt them forever. That's what people mean when they say to face your demons. Its okay to feel sad and have anxiety/lose sleep, and don't be afraid to tell people around you that you are sad, and if they ignore you- better for your future self. If you need to cry each night for half a year, then do it. Don't feel ashamed. On daily basis I cope by going to the gym and making progress there. Truth is that progress in the gym is accumulative (if you lift 90kg this month, next you are doing 95kg for sure, you are not going to lose your ability to perform a lift from day 1 to day 10), however progress with mental health is much more different, you might be getting well in a week, and by next Tuesday you might don't even want to get out of bed. Mental health is like a roller coaster and it is unpredictable. So I advice you to keep on doing/pick up a new sport and try to progress every day. Maybe even learn to play an instrument, a new language, etc. Something that you can look back next month and see results. Mental health is tricky and the only way to deal with it is to feel how you feel, don't believe people who will force you to be overly positive and overcompensate on the other side of the balance. 12 minutes ago, John Slayne said: I'm sorry to hear that, it sounds like a difficult situation for you. There is no quick and easy fix to problems like this. Acknowledge your negative emotions and let yourself feel them. It's okay to cry, it's okay to be sad, and it's okay to be angry. But if you can, please try to remember to take care of yourself. Maybe take a week off work and spend time with your mum. Go to the movies and treat yourself to some nice food. Spend time with your friends and try to do the activities you would normally do to take your mind off the cancer. If you just lie down in your bed your thoughts will probably spiral and it will be more difficult to cope later on. I wish you well and hope your mum recovers. I know. It’s always best to let it out, but I’m worried this pain and heartbreak will live on with me forever. I’ve never dealt with the loss of a loved one, so it’s been extremely hard for me to cope. I don’t have a big group of friends (most of my “friends” from high school and university turned out to be quite fake), so I almost feel as if I’m alone. I also worry about how they would act around me - I don’t want them to pity me or feel like they have to act cautiously around me. I don’t know. I have been telling myself to go see a therapist or psychologist for years now (for other reasons), but I think it’s absolutely necessary this time around. Thanks for all the well wishes. I really appreciate all your kind words and hope we can make it through this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brazil Posted July 30, 2022 Share Posted July 30, 2022 7 minutes ago, Purr said: Thanks. This has really brought us a lot closer to each other. I am grateful that my relatives and my moms’ friends have been extremely supportive, but it just aches my heart when I hear my mom cry. I am the youngest in my family, so I know she always worries about me the most. I always let her know that I am in good hands and that she never has to worry about me. My mom has pancreatic cancer, which is one of the worst cancers out there. It’s not impossible to treat, but it’s going to be difficult. However, I am hopeful because I will to anything and everything to make sure she gets the best possible treatments, even if it involves a lot of travel. I’m sorry to hear about your dad. The one thing that makes me emotional is when I know my mom is worried about me and my future. She is scared that I will be alone, but I will reassure her that she raised me to be the best version of myself and that she has nothing to worry about. Yeah, I understand that. I'm also the youngest and feel at times that one of the things that get me worried the most is worrying my mom, funny enough. I think you're on the right path, every emotion whether positive or negative have a way of coming and going. Meditation really helped me in these times because I tend to be an overthinker and overdoer, which seems to be your case, as well. The natural medicine I took to help be help sleep helped as well with waking up in the middle of the night. It's called Remilev by Ache, not sure they have it in the US. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Purr Posted July 30, 2022 Author Share Posted July 30, 2022 2 minutes ago, brazil said: Yeah, I understand that. I'm also the youngest and feel at times that one of the things that get me worried the most is worrying my mom, funny enough. I think you're on the right path, every emotion whether positive or negative have a way of coming and going. Meditation really helped me in these times because I tend to be an overthinker and overdoer, which seems to be your case, as well. The natural medicine I took to help be help sleep helped as well with waking up in the middle of the night. It's called Remilev by Ache, not sure they have it in the US. There are a lot of things I want to do or originally planned to do. I love traveling, but I can’t imagine myself traveling without my mom, especially when we had plans to go back to Japan together in the near future. I just hope that once she finishes her treatment, we’ll be able to travel somewhere together. I should probably just take melatonin, though it’s not something I want to depend on forever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Into The Void Posted July 30, 2022 Share Posted July 30, 2022 Welll its hard but u have to be positive that it will be okay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Into The Void Posted July 30, 2022 Share Posted July 30, 2022 (edited) 49 minutes ago, Purr said: There are a lot of things I want to do or originally planned to do. I love traveling, but I can’t imagine myself traveling without my mom, especially when we had plans to go back to Japan together in the near future. I just hope that once she finishes her treatment, we’ll be able to travel somewhere together. I should probably just take melatonin, though it’s not something I want to depend on forever. Melatonin isn't addictive. I have insomnia and take prescription sleep pills nightly without them I get poor sleep Edited July 30, 2022 by Insanity Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imabadkid Posted July 30, 2022 Share Posted July 30, 2022 I'm so sorry to hear! I agree with the poster that said music, music is my ultimate escape and it definitely helps when I find myself in moments with high anxiety. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LikeaRebel Posted July 30, 2022 Share Posted July 30, 2022 Hopefully your mom gets better! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts