discussion Why do some gays think it's cute to be a sidepiece to a "straight" man?

[Blade]

8 hours ago, D e v o n said:

Self hatred. They look down on gays especially feminine ones and prey on “straight” “DL” men.

 

personally even though I’m more on the masculine side — look wise — I never entertain people who asks fem or masc / prefer one or the other. It’s so gross, but we give it a pass, because Grindr is just a “hook up” app when in reality is has a lot of harmful affects on gays in general. 

Do you realize how damaging it is to label two consenting adults hooking up as one person “preying” on the other just because that person is gay and the other is not?

Gay men who like bisexual/questioning/DL men are not predatory. 

[Bubble Tea]

20 hours ago, arceus said:

I just love dicks that taste and smell like a married woman's ?

 

[Redstreak]

18 hours ago, ConceptD said:

I feel terrible even typing this and owning up to it and it’s embarrassing, and it’s probably some type of trauma induced internalised homophobia but I can’t help it so here goes. I’m attracted to men who come across as just like an everyday straight man. I’m not attracted to feminine gays in the slightest and I’m not sure why because they’re always the nicest, least complicated ones to be in a relationship or just hook up with but I just don’t feel it. A lot of the time if you do want to go for someone who does come off as 100% straight then you have to make peace with the idea of being a side ***** because they normally want to live a normal straight life with a wife and children and it’s a sacrifice. It’s not common to find a straight acting gay who’s willing to walk the walk. 

It’s rare but can happen. My bf was married and had a kid, would not be able to distinguish him from any other straight guy with a kid, but they got divorced and we’ve been together for over 2 years

[Homebrand]

Gay men love validation from straight men, that aint nothing new 

[Jude]

It's hot. Daddy, whew. 

[fountain]

As usual, the answer is mental issues 

[EdgeofTeeth]

lack of self respect and often some kind of trauma that translates to seeking validation from men they can view as father figures

[zasderfght]

I think saying "low self-esteem" is too easy of an answer. Here are my thoughts: 

 

A. People could be indulging in risky sex behavior because of the thrill and adrenaline rush that comes from that. Why else do people do things in secrecy? Same could be said for illicit drug use, breaking state and/or federal laws, going behind a trusted source's back (like your partner, friends, etc.). People do things that may be unethical or questionable simply because it's exciting to break ethics and/or laws without suffering the consequences. 

 

B. Low self-esteem/lack of boundary-setting. I was a gay that grew up with terrible self-esteem and confidence, and as a product of helicopter parenting, I sucked at setting boundaries for myself. And I know others in my generation that suffered a similar (if not, the same) fate. Especially being young and getting into DL-hookups, you're looking for anyone to give you validation/attention, especially because you might not get that from home or in your support system (maybe friends also reject you, maybe your church rejects you, etc). 

 

C. Depression/Anxiety. Some people go on a hook-up rampage after a break-up because they can't see themselves being on their own, especially for a long/extended period of time. They must always be with a partner to feel secure/safe/loved, whatever. This can bring on low-mood/low-energy or, quite the opposite. Feeling of anxiousness/restlessness (which then can cause depression down the line; your body constantly being in a flight-or-fight response really exhausts the central nervous system, if my understanding of anatomy/body science is correct). 

 

D. Possible sex addiction and/or ridiculously high libido? These people need a fix somehow, so they will go to any lengths (even if that means being a so-called "home wrecker") to fill that sex craving. 

 

All that being said, there might just be sexually-active individuals who don't think twice about people's relationships (and/or relationship boundaries). 

 

Also, with that being said, it takes two to tango. Not only should the husbands be at fault (or boyfriends) but also the people okay with breaking that person's relationship boundaries. 

 

I really think that until homosexuality is not seen as abnormal/evil/wicked/perverse in most civilizations, we will continue to see an uptick of anxiety, depression, improper boundary-setting, substance abuse disorder, mental health issues etc. in queer relationships, sadly. 

[DevonRoars]

6 hours ago, Blade said:

Do you realize how damaging it is to label two consenting adults hooking up as one person “preying” on the other just because that person is gay and the other is not?

Gay men who like bisexual/questioning/DL men are not predatory. 

There are predatory gay men and not talking about harmful things in the community is just as damaging. Just look at all the straight bait twitter accounts and things alike. It goes from being a subcategory in porn to people going out and actually doing crimes. I'm obviously not talking about all men who like "straight" men, but the ones who pressure and push and say things like "so are noodles until they're boiled" are gross.

[zasderfght]

On 6/26/2022 at 10:58 AM, ConceptD said:

I feel terrible even typing this and owning up to it and it’s embarrassing, and it’s probably some type of trauma induced internalised homophobia but I can’t help it so here goes. I’m attracted to men who come across as just like an everyday straight man. I’m not attracted to feminine gays in the slightest and I’m not sure why because they’re always the nicest, least complicated ones to be in a relationship or just hook up with but I just don’t feel it. A lot of the time if you do want to go for someone who does come off as 100% straight then you have to make peace with the idea of being a side ***** because they normally want to live a normal straight life with a wife and children and it’s a sacrifice. It’s not common to find a straight acting gay who’s willing to walk the walk. 

Have you not dated or hooked up with an openly gay man who isn't feminine-acting? They're out there. I've dated/hooked up with these type of guys. Then again, I live in a big, metropolitan city, and the people here are generally left-leaning/liberal, so maybe I'm just lucky. 

[UnusualBoy]

They don't love themselves, there are thousands of men out there and yet they wet their panties with a married man, no sure what they expect to get out of it but just remember that karma is a ***** and keeps receipts so don't get surprised if your future bf or husband cheats on you.

[Blade]

2 hours ago, UnusualBoy said:

They don't love themselves, there are thousands of men out there and yet they wet their panties with a married man, no sure what they expect to get out of it but just remember that karma is a ***** and keeps receipts so don't get surprised if your future bf or husband cheats on you.

The thing is we're not out there SEEKING married men. We are seeking men that fit our standards for attraction. Handsome, masculine, etc and these men just HAPPEN to be married more often than not. It's one of those things that comes with the territory. Of course I'd prefer that they weren't. But what am I gonna choose the hot guy I'm attracted to and is attracted to me or the ugly gay who I have zero attraction to?

[zasderfght]

4 hours ago, Blade said:

The thing is we're not out there SEEKING married men. We are seeking men that fit our standards for attraction. Handsome, masculine, etc and these men just HAPPEN to be married more often than not. It's one of those things that comes with the territory. Of course I'd prefer that they weren't. But what am I gonna choose the hot guy I'm attracted to and is attracted to me or the ugly gay who I have zero attraction to?

Ugly is hitting pretty below-the-belt, and I say this as someone who has received complements (about my looks) throughout my life. That being said, I do see your point about not intentionally seeking out married men, but rather you finding out they're married. This actually happened to me, but I was lied to. The man I slept with said he's actually married to his wife and has kids-- and he said this literally as we put our clothes back on! I was disgusted, because on his profile, it said he was in an open relationship. So open that your wife and kids don't know about your affairs with gay men! 

[KingJay]

On 6/26/2022 at 9:33 AM, Sept said:

Well for some people sex is just sex, like physical contact

 

So if he's hot af, does it matter if he's married or single or str8 or gay? 

uh yes..

 

OT: I cannot stand the gays that brag about getting straight men to cheat on their wives/girlfriends. It's disgusting.

 

Yet when they finally get into a serious relationship & they get cheated on they're there crying like dumb hoes. KARMA is a ***** 

[KingJay]

5 hours ago, Blade said:

The thing is we're not out there SEEKING married men. We are seeking men that fit our standards for attraction. Handsome, masculine, etc and these men just HAPPEN to be married more often than not. It's one of those things that comes with the territory. Of course I'd prefer that they weren't. But what am I gonna choose the hot guy I'm attracted to and is attracted to me or the ugly gay who I have zero attraction to?

Lmao, this does not come with the territory lol. How about not sleeping with them when you find out that they're married?

[Chris]

Why isn't anyone calling out the "married" men that do this heinous act though?

[Jagger]

People acting like you have to choose between a married man with 3 kids or a hyper femme drag queen  

 

im mainly into masculine men as well, but I've never dated a straight or married man because I am above that. It's not hard to find masculine men who are also comfortable with themselves and with you 

[Blade]

30 minutes ago, Jagger said:

People acting like you have to choose between a married man with 3 kids or a hyper femme drag queen  

 

im mainly into masculine men as well, but I've never dated a straight or married man because I am above that. It's not hard to find masculine men who are also comfortable with themselves and with you 

I’ve had several masc gay men but let’s not say it isn’t hard to find when most gays sound like James Charles

[Bacardo Royale]

Cause it's hot

[Aelita]

straight men have sidechicks when they're married or have a girlfriend, so why is it a problem for gays?

[MaxxiPad]

I think it's wrong to participate if you know someone is cheating, but I understand the appeal. There's so much porn depicting this scenario. Plus, I think a lot of gay men grow up fantasizing about the hot men around them, many of whom are in relationships with women.

 

Also, TBF, unless you know someone well IRL, your partners could easily be cheating and you wouldn't know it. A lot of seemingly "single" guys are in relationships. That's how it goes with apps and hookups 

[katara]

55 minutes ago, Aelita said:

straight men have sidechicks when they're married or have a girlfriend, so why is it a problem for gays?

You won't believe the amount of straight men that cheat on their wives / GFs. They also have no problem telling this to to other men. I am also so perplexed that the word never gets out to their partners. These straight men have the most hardcore loyalty to each other about their cheating. 

[Tropez]

I notice this tends to be a thing primarily bottoms do. 

[gm4567]

Homosexuals....

[JonginBey]

Because they’re trash, but they’ll just say we’re all jealous or whatever