Pheromosa Posted June 12, 2022 Share Posted June 12, 2022 in a world where it is a big deal, YES. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CandleGuy Posted June 12, 2022 Share Posted June 12, 2022 The fact that this question even needs to be asked Yes, whether it's just a hookup or a relationship your partner deserves to know your biological sex. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Theshigo Washidu Posted June 12, 2022 Share Posted June 12, 2022 Yes, just like bisexual men and women should disclose their bisexuality to their partner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donquizote Posted June 12, 2022 Share Posted June 12, 2022 Yes, before first date. I don't want to date trans man and that's my choice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
P.O.P Posted June 12, 2022 Share Posted June 12, 2022 It is definitely logical. Otherwise... Think about it, you might end up spending months dating a transphobe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mxoonlight Posted June 12, 2022 Share Posted June 12, 2022 1 hour ago, 305 said: Why are you correlating disclosing that you're trans as belittling? Where did I say that in any of the quoted statement? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BLΔCKP!NK Posted June 12, 2022 Share Posted June 12, 2022 (edited) I’m indecisive. Yes, so they won’t misgender you and learn how to be supportive. No, because of safety. I have trans friends who’s family was NOT accepting and they had to move halfway across the country to get away from them. I feel like parents should know what’s going on with their children but I understand why some people won’t disclose it. but you can only hide it for so long EDIT: LMAOOOO IM SORRY i’m dumb i read partners as parents My answer is yes. They should know If you can’t trust your partner enough to disclose without questioning your safety then they’re not the person for you Edited June 12, 2022 by Bussea Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Siberian Tiger Posted June 12, 2022 Share Posted June 12, 2022 3 hours ago, Communion said: The point is that not every interaction and flirtation has the aim of ending in a long-term relationship. There may not be "wasting time" if there's never an intention to spend more than a few moments with a person. This is what I'm saying about all of this rhetoric being removed from the realities of how real, actual people flirt and date. The idea that every single sexual or romantic interaction has to be primed for if it would eventually lead to marriage and decades together is just silly and not how 99% of people approach sex and love. It's especially silly of an idea when we see the rhetoric that trans people have to disclose their identities applied to cases where they get cat-called on the street. Accepting a compliment from a stranger on the street would not be presumed to result in a long-term relationship for anyone besides trans women and so the idea that trans women must constantly disclose their transness or be deemed dishonest feels like it veers into transphobia. Also it's hard to ignore how the assertion that it's a duty for trans people to immediately reveal their transness emboldens people to often forcibly out trans people. See cases where a cishet man will flirt with a trans woman in public and ~concerned~ bystanders will out her, ironically endangering her more than anything, when she didn't owe that person anything, especially if they initiated their flirting with her. The meaning of infertility for a relationship was just an example. Don't act as if certain things don't matter even if it's "just sex". Imagine the two are alone and about to have sex. You seriously think it's "safer" for trans women to be outed right before or during sex by men not willing to have sex with them? You can call those men transphobic, this does not change the fact they probably wouldn't even look at those women if they knew who they were. Why would trans women even want to have sex with such men first of all? Are they afraid to be rejected and outed in public and not afraid to be beaten up or worse alone? But if both are drunk or high so they don't care about anything there's no need to disclose I guess. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hephaestus Posted June 12, 2022 Share Posted June 12, 2022 Nobody owes anyone anything, but a relationship should be based on good communication and honesty. There's people who are comfortable with dating a trans individual and some who are not, keeping the truth away is only going to make things worse as time goes and could even result in their partner getting violent once they find out (not an excuse, but it's not uncommon unfortunately). In my opinion, ideally it's something that should be disclosed as soon as possible, or at least before anything sexual happens. It's in everyone's best interest, really. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Communion Posted June 12, 2022 Share Posted June 12, 2022 5 minutes ago, Siberian Tiger said: You seriously think it's "safer" for trans women to be outed right before or during sex by men not willing to have sex with them? Who said the woman would be outed during sex? It feels like we're ignoring cis & trans people do have sex with each other. There are lots of cishet men who have sex with trans women like they do with any other woman. Again, this feels like a dissection of the lives of trans people while ignoring the realities of trans people. Men who identify as straight have been having sex with trans women for as long as trans women have existed throughout all of history. I get the existence of trans people is now more visible but I don't think that justifies this kind of alertist tone that claims it necessary to hold some hyper-vigilance over who trans people are or are not sleeping with. And I'm not saying you or anyone else in this thread or on here is doing that; in fact, that's kinda my point. That we as LGBTQ people may sometimes lose sight of when conversations are just between us when we're having intra-community discussions and when those are being exploited by right-wingers. Would a relationship with someone who knows you're trans be healthier and more open? Of course. Should trans people help remind one another of that? Sure. Just like how, similar-but-not-exact, us MLM and WLW should remind one another that relationships with out-and-proud people will always be healthier and more stable than those who are downlow or not living their truth. However, does those things happening justify then cishet people making wild claims about predatory cis gays and trans folks preying on cishets? No, I wouldn't say so. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cyanide Posted June 12, 2022 Share Posted June 12, 2022 I think it’s selfish to expect someone to be okay with being surprised with the opposite genitalia during a sexual encounter most people wouldn’t be okay with that. if you’re post-op it’s a bit different. But why would you even want to date someone that you are afraid to tell the truth to? And why would they want to date someone who would hide something like that from them? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergi91 Posted June 12, 2022 Share Posted June 12, 2022 Yes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr.Link Posted June 12, 2022 Share Posted June 12, 2022 1 None of our business 2 If they were explicitely asked it’s probably best to disclose it. Not like greeting “hi I’m trans” but lying about it is begging for uncomfortable situations later Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Click Clack Posted June 12, 2022 Share Posted June 12, 2022 5 hours ago, 305 said: Of course, why is this a question this Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Planet Mars Posted June 13, 2022 Share Posted June 13, 2022 (edited) I'm sat here wondering why on earth you wouldn't disclose this to somebody? Absolutely yes they should from the get-go. Edited June 13, 2022 by Planet Mars Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RunUpDoneUp Posted June 13, 2022 Share Posted June 13, 2022 Not only is this a rare ass occurrence(literally, the idea that men engaging with trans women aren't aware is a rightwing construct.) Trans women are some of the proudest members of the lgbt community and live openly more often than not, ESPECIALLY when they're in a relationship. The only time their identity being "hidden" is brought up is when there's antitrans abuse afoot. Hence the "Trans panic" defense used by murderous cis and het - homo men who are usually the ones hiding their sexual interests from the world. This idea that gay men have of "discussing" one's identity when they are literally the n1 group within the lgbt to HIDE their identity never fails to make me laugh, I mean, gay men be strutting around the internet, hooking up and have wife's, girlfriends and the like nonthewiser. A true projection. No, I do not believe there's a need for trans women to disclose their transness because they always do. They already do that in great amounts that I feel no need to run aid for rightwingers in perpetuating the predatory murder defense for violent, transphobic men. They gotta do their own propaganda. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harrier Posted June 13, 2022 Share Posted June 13, 2022 This should not be a question and I'm glad my trans friends disclose immediately, for their safety. I'll put the question back - do trans people really want to date people that wouldn't accept them if they knew, anyway? It's in both parties' interest Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoanneActII Posted June 13, 2022 Share Posted June 13, 2022 Literally all trans people disclose their transness to their partners ffs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fais_2311 Posted June 13, 2022 Share Posted June 13, 2022 Yes, for safety reason cause straight men are dangerous. My friend waited for several months before she finally revealed that and the ‘sweet’ and ‘gentleman’ guy she dated turn out to be this crazy and revengeful violent guy. We were so worried for her safety Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlackStar_93 Posted June 13, 2022 Share Posted June 13, 2022 18 hours ago, mxoonlight said: The fixation that gay men have on belittling and demeaning trans people is really weird. It's not getting your dick sucked nor is it increasing your social capital. Please grow up. Why do you say this? After reading your comment I was expecting to come across some ugly comments in this thread, but I think everyone is being super respectful and intelligent in their replies. You're also assuming that everyone in this thread is gay and male. OT: I absolutely believe it should be disclosed. This is in the best interest of both parties as well as the personal safety of the trans person. In an ideal world, they wouldn't have to, but it's disingenuous to believe that it's a non-issue in the dating world. The number one priority in this context should be keeping the trans person safe, which sadly, wouldn't always be possible if they started dating and disclosed it at a later date. We want to believe everyone is kind and inclusive, but that's just not the case. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kamil24 Posted June 13, 2022 Share Posted June 13, 2022 yes of course Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Specter Posted June 13, 2022 Author Share Posted June 13, 2022 (edited) 13 hours ago, JoanneActII said: Literally all trans people disclose their transness to their partners ffs. This isn't true, and is a generalisation. Off the top of my head, a rather high profile instance of this was when Nikki Tutorials was forced (blackmail) to out herself as trans, and part of her story if IIRC was also that she hadn't told her (then, I think they're married now?) fiancé when they had first gotten together. & Nothing really wrong with that imo. It's just one instance, and obviously not the reality for all trans people at all, I'm just saying it's not as clear cut as "all" would imply. CC: @RunUpDoneUp Edited June 13, 2022 by Phantom Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoanneActII Posted June 14, 2022 Share Posted June 14, 2022 13 hours ago, Phantom said: This isn't true, and is a generalisation. Off the top of my head, a rather high profile instance of this was when Nikki Tutorials was forced (blackmail) to out herself as trans, and part of her story if IIRC was also that she hadn't told her (then, I think they're married now?) fiancé when they had first gotten together. & Nothing really wrong with that imo. It's just one instance, and obviously not the reality for all trans people at all, I'm just saying it's not as clear cut as "all" would imply. CC: @RunUpDoneUp when they had first gotten together. - ie she told him but not instantly. trans people don't have to instantly tell cis people that we are trans. we wait until it's safe for us to disclose our transness. all trans people eventually tell our partners that we are trans when we feel safe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bleuwaffle Posted June 14, 2022 Share Posted June 14, 2022 (edited) On 6/12/2022 at 8:07 PM, RunUpDoneUp said: Not only is this a rare ass occurrence(literally, the idea that men engaging with trans women aren't aware is a rightwing construct.) Trans women are some of the proudest members of the lgbt community and live openly more often than not, ESPECIALLY when they're in a relationship. The only time their identity being "hidden" is brought up is when there's antitrans abuse afoot. Hence the "Trans panic" defense used by murderous cis and het - homo men who are usually the ones hiding their sexual interests from the world. This idea that gay men have of "discussing" one's identity when they are literally the n1 group within the lgbt to HIDE their identity never fails to make me laugh, I mean, gay men be strutting around the internet, hooking up and have wife's, girlfriends and the like nonthewiser. A true projection. No, I do not believe there's a need for trans women to disclose their transness because they always do. They already do that in great amounts that I feel no need to run aid for rightwingers in perpetuating the predatory murder defense for violent, transphobic men. They gotta do their own propaganda. this post is so stupid. i've seen so many trans women talk about going stealth mode after transition and not telling men their business and you know what, good for them. i'm no one to say how someone else should navigate their own personal relationships. don't see how trans men could go stealth but live your life. Edited June 14, 2022 by bleuwaffle Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tropez Posted June 14, 2022 Share Posted June 14, 2022 Weird how this always turns into trans women. But never trans men, why are they always ignored in these conversations? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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