discussion I dont know if hes gay and into me or just playing with my feelings.

[bocelli]

I dont know if this is allowed to post but when I tell you Im confused.

 

Theres this fine as hell, older (single) gentleman who happens to be my neighbour. Ive known him for about a year and at times hes very sweet, he invites me over for a 1 on 1 dinner, buys me gifts (mostly food), gives me compliments saying how handsome I look and for his birthday he invited me over saying "it will be just him and I and a bottle of wine" (nothing happened that night). Weve spent so much time together.

 

I mean all of this doesnt sound very straight, right? But everytime I flirt he gets very defensive and sometimes angry saying he loves WOMEN which is so confusing to me.

 

Ive been in love with him for over a year but I cant tell if hes just taking the p*ss or hes into me but not ready to come out as gay/bi.

 

What do I do, girls?

 

Edited June 8, 2022 by bocelli

[dussel_06]

Straight men sometimes get validation if they know someone is into them so they tend to breadcrumb those who likes them. I kinda have the same situation with you with my straight friend and he’s only giving me “breadcrumbs”. He knows whenever he calls, I’m always available for him. At first, I was hoping for something to happen but he always distance himself when I become a little “flirty”. At first I was hurt of being so close to him but not quite, but later on I get over my feelings maybe because of familiarity. It just hurts that he’s not in a relationship with anyone but we can’t be together lol.

 

If you’re developing deeper affections, better stop now and stay away. If he’s into you, he will eventually chase you when you’re gone.

[State of Grace.]

Sounds like a straight guy desperate for attention and validation to me. He definitely knows that you're into him since you said he gets defensive when you try to flirt so he's enjoying this even more now.

 

If its been a YEAR of yall constantly hanging out and him being sus without making any move then he's not gay/bi. Time to find another one to obsess over sis.

 

[liam13]

go out and bring a man back to ur house, make sure he can see you doing that. if he gets jealous after that, you'll know what to do 

[bocelli]

1 minute ago, State of Grace. said:

Sounds like a straight guy desperate for attention and validation to me. He definitely knows that you're into him since you said he gets defensive when you try to flirt so he's enjoying this even more now.

 

If its been a YEAR of yall constantly hanging out and him being sus without making any move then he's not gay/bi. Time to find another one to obsess over sis.

 

This has been going on for nearly two years actually and I can feel this taking a toll on my mental health fr

[State of Grace.]

Just now, bocelli said:

This has been going on for nearly two years actually and I can feel this taking a toll on my mental health fr

Not two years sis... the self torture  

[EdgeofTeeth]

Honestly, this story gives me gay/bi and repressed. But if that’s true, you should still probably stay away for your own sake because he’s been closeted this long (if he is indeed into men), isn’t likely to change anytime soon, and likely hasn’t come to terms with himself internally. If this is the case, it’s a long, painful, and lonely road.

[bocelli]

3 minutes ago, EdgeofTeeth said:

Honestly, this story gives me gay/bi and repressed. But if that’s true, you should still probably stay away for your own sake because he’s been closeted this long (if he is indeed into men), isn’t likely to change anytime soon, and likely hasn’t come to terms with himself internally. If this is the case, it’s a long, painful, and lonely road.

I mean, hes in his mid 40s, hes not married and doesnt have kids and Ive never seen him bringing a woman to his home. Is it that far-fetched to assume that hes into men

[mercurialworld]

It's definitely confusing, and it sounds like he's enjoying the attention without actually making any move. If it's been a year and he still hasn't made a move, he's probably not interested in you romantically. It might be time to move on and find someone who is interested in you 

[Scotland]

This is not happening. If it doesn't happen within the first three months of meeting somebody then let it go.

[Dolce Vita]

girlie not 2 years of being strung along  ive been in this exact predicament though. he is clearly using you for the attention/validation you give him and you have fun, but he’s too repressed by his own insecurities to reveal his true intentions with you out of fear. love yourself and leave him behind before you get too attached and end up hurt

 

Edited June 8, 2022 by Dolce Vita

[magazine]

I'm sorry but.... 

[sugarysunflower]

1) Repressed attention-seeking homosexual. 
 

Move on. 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

 

2) …… or you can be really messy 

 

and spill wine and food and other crap on yourself and ask to use his shower. Use your imagination from there. 

[Arrows]

1 hour ago, dussel_06 said:

Straight men sometimes get validation if they know someone is into them so they tend to breadcrumb those who likes them. I kinda have the same situation with you with my straight friend and he’s only giving me “breadcrumbs”. He knows whenever he calls, I’m always available for him. At first, I was hoping for something to happen but he always distance himself when I become a little “flirty”. At first I was hurt of being so close to him but not quite, but later on I get over my feelings maybe because of familiarity. It just hurts that he’s not in a relationship with anyone but we can’t be together lol.

 

If you’re developing deeper affections, better stop now and stay away. If he’s into you, he will eventually chase you when you’re gone.

Inb4 “breadcrumbing” becomes Internet word of the month that everyone loves to use

[John Slayne]

14 minutes ago, Arrows said:

Inb4 “breadcrumbing” becomes Internet word of the month that everyone loves to use

it has been a word on the internet for a few years, actually

 

OT:

drop him like a rock. even if he is gay/bi/into men, the fact that he's not willing to admit it openly to you (and maybe even to himself) means he's not worth the trouble. no shade to closeted gays but their issues are not your responsibility and their repression can do a lot of damage not just to them but those around them (in this case you) so my advice would be to get out of this situation.

 

if you really like him or want to help him come to terms with his sexuality, be honest - say that you can't see him anymore because you like him romantically and he said he's into women so it's best for you to keep distance. maybe that will prompt him to admit his true feelings, or he will just leave you alone. either way, you need to move on from this limbo you are currently in.

 

Edited June 8, 2022 by John Slayne

[Arrows]

5 minutes ago, John Slayne said:

it has been a word on the internet for a few years, actually

 

Oh wow, my mind

[Harry]

what i know is a homo is a very sexual being (see grindr) if he’s into you romantically something would’ve happened by now. he’s definitely gay tho

 

are you ugly btw? you should try to seduce him 

[UnusualBoy]

He sounds like a waste of time, just move on sis, he's way too old to be playing around and doing all these childish games, do it for your mental health, he's not worth all this stress.

[Bloodflowers.]

Being a chaser is a turn-off. Be available for him, but when it comes to flirty things, play it off like you're unbothered so he will work even harder to get you (possible if he is questioning himself, he needs time and he will be the first to make a move on you when he's comftorable enough. Until them, enjoy your time together) 

 

 

 

[Mast]

Girl... This sounds like a waste of time and a situation that could potentially turn sour if not violent if one day his "straightness" gets threatened enough.

 

Off topic but every time everyone posts dating questions here I wanna pull my hair out lmao. 

[Mast]

1 hour ago, bocelli said:

This has been going on for nearly two years actually and I can feel this taking a toll on my mental health fr

Exactly. Drop him. He's getting his and you're getting none and there is no indication that you ever will with him.

[Oktober Knight]

It sounds to me like he just wants the attention or company. He may just be very open minded and comfortable with the activities you do together (you're right - they don't sound straight). 

 

I recommend broadening your friendship circle and balance out the time you spend with each person individually. Or start dating men if you're looking for a relationship. If you continue this phase with him then you're just going to fall more in love with him and that's not healthy nor fair on your side. 

[Illuminati]

At first it sounded like he may be sending hints but if he knows you're gay and he rejects your flirting then he's probably just lonely and needs platonic company. I wish I had a daddy like that tbh

[Quiqui4eva]

At the very least, he likes the attention. As a last resort, I'd start dating, tell him about your experiences, and see his reaction

[Companion]

Maybe he just need a male friend. Straight guys see their close friends literally like brothers and it is not weird to give eachother compliment in my culture. The things you listed isnt sound like he closeted for me. You should happy you have a nice and friendly neighbor and friend that accepts you as the way you are. But if he give you really closeted vibes you should tell him that you are talking with someone or say you have relationship and see his reaction if he is happy for you then just think him as friend but if he jeaolus well...