discussion Why do guys switch up so quick?

[Cyanide]

I could understand if something happened but I don’t understand when guys are super into you and paying you a lot of attention and then suddenly decide to fall off the face of the earth and start taking days to reply.

 

this keeps happening to me and it’s completely ruined my confidence in dating because literally this guy texted me after our date “you’re so amazing, I can’t wait to see you again” and then just stopped replying. 
 

If I have a bad experience or am just not into someone I just won’t reply, why lie? So annoying because there’s a part of me that always blames myself and wonders what I did wrong but I literally didn’t  

[Coma Baby]

Maraj told you, first they love you then they switch like s.

[Cyanide]

3 minutes ago, Coma Baby said:

Maraj told you, first they love you then they switch like s.

 

 

[RideOrDie]

i go thru this on a weekly basis but im also guilty of doing it so  gays are trauma beings walking around with no communication skills or honesty 

[thatsmydemi]

From my experience, they do this either when they've met someone they consider hotter OR when things seem to be going too serious for them to handle 

[Exquisite]

When you find out lmk because it's so off putting, just went through something similar a few weeks ago

[The Next Day]

Sometimes it's for the better. When you get ghosted you can always put the blame on the ghoster and assume they're an *******. You don't need to blame yourself for anything. If they say "I just don't like you", "Don't want to talk with you anymore" chances are you're trying to find out what's supposedly wrong with yourself, cause let's face it, no one is satisfied with "I just don't feel like talking to you anymore". And do you really want to know why they feel like that? I don't. So I'd rather assume they're just mean by ghosting me.

 

 

[Cyanide]

21 minutes ago, thatsmydemi said:

From my experience, they do this either when they've met someone they consider hotter OR when things seem to be going too serious for them to handle 

I would rather them just tell me or completely ghost me  usually they’re trying to maintain that they like me and wonder why I ask why they’re taking 3 days to respond, why not just be honest

 

This happens to me a lot though so I must not be that cute or maybe I’m doing something that makes them feel like it’s too serious? Which idk at this point I just go with their vibe and try to be myself/funny because I’m too conscious about coming on strong 

[John Slayne]

some of them like to give you the hot and cold experience like katy perry

 

i hate it, and it's one of the reasons why i've been feeling exhausted by dating lately. wasting my youth away to men who aren't worth it 

 

we need to stay strong sis, the right man will show himself eventually!

Edited April 27, 2022 by John Slayne

[EdgeofTeeth]

I've never understood this either and it's one of the reasons I've kind of removed myself from the dating pool for the time being. The disingenuousness and lack of sincerity in most guys is exhausting and puts a bad taste in my mouth when meeting new ones.

Edited April 27, 2022 by EdgeofTeeth

[Ampersand13]

Men, and of course I’m generalizing here, straight and queer have been conditioned in a lot of ways to reject emotional vulnerability and authenticity. They may reach a threshold that feels comfortable and the second that gets reciprocated by a partner it can cause discomfort and anxiety. So, instead of dealing with those emotions and communicating they flee. Again, this isn’t true of all men or all cases of hot and cold like attention, but I’ve definitely had several experiences like this and have been the perpetrator on more than one occasion. 

[BGXKB]

I’ve always hated being expected to respond in a certain amount of time. Anyone who gives me that vibe gets ghosted. 

[Nazareth]

Hate it when this happens. I find it the most irritating when they lead you on, offering you the moon and the stars, but the minute things start becoming more serious, they hide.
 

I’m currently in a very similar situation with someone that I’ve known for a while. they ghost my messages, but will go online on WhatsApp 24/7. After not speaking for a few days, they come running back. I just don't trust them, but I’m too lazy to be a heaux 

[Pikachoo]

because we are baguettes

 

[Fastlane]

1. He communicates with a large number of guys at the same time and someone is more interested in him;

 

2. You talked often and a lot, met in life and he began to write less often - he is trying to send you away so that you yourself stop writing to him

 

3. He manipulates your attention to tie you to him, but 95% of gays will not think of such manipulation

 

4. He finds you attractive, but the goals of your communication do not match. He wants sex for a couple of times, and you are in a relationship, and this is felt in communication, because all gay men started with "relationships", which most often failed and did not translate into something serious and lasting.

 

Just get used to it. Here everything is very accessible in terms of dating and the competition is high.

 

I'm chatting with 8 guys at the same time now, because it's like a competition. And if I write to one guy every day, then he will get tired of me and our communication will fade away.

Edited April 27, 2022 by Fastlane

[Cyanide]

10 minutes ago, Fastlane said:

1. He communicates with a large number of guys at the same time and someone is more interested in him;

 

2. You talked often and a lot, met in life and he began to write less often - he is trying to send you away so that you yourself stop writing to him

 

3. He manipulates your attention to tie you to him, but 95% of gays will not think of such manipulation

 

4. He finds you attractive, but the goals of your communication do not match. He wants sex for a couple of times, and you are in a relationship, and this is felt in communication, because all gay men started with "relationships", which most often failed and did not translate into something serious and lasting.

 

Just get used to it. Here everything is very accessible in terms of dating and the competition is high.

 

I'm chatting with 8 guys at the same time now, because it's like a competition. And if I write to one guy every day, then he will get tired of me and our communication will fade away.

I’m talking to 3 and I feel so guilty and would never let all 3 blossom how are you doing 8?!?!

 

it’s so funny how guys like to put on the homebody innocent act but they probably are out HEAUXING

[Cyanide]

1 hour ago, BGXKB said:

I’ve always hated being expected to respond in a certain amount of time. Anyone who gives me that vibe gets ghosted. 

I thought I may have been doing this, but I’m literally just responding to his messages that he’s sending me  I also take a while to reply sometimes and don’t mind if others do but I think anything over like a day is just on purpose lol but why even bother texting back if that’s how you feel

 

I have a really intense career and am talking to someone else who’s a doctor and does overnight shifts in a hospital and even he responds faster these past few days  

[Fastlane]

1 minute ago, Cyanide said:

I’m talking to 3 and I feel so guilty and would never let all 3 blossom how are you doing 8?!?!

 

it’s so funny how guys like to put on the homebody innocent act but they probably are out HEAUXING

It's not like I'm talking at the same time for kilometer-long dialogues with each of the 8 guys. Each of them interested me in some way and from time to time I maintain a small dialogue with each of them.

 

I can always switch and, if anything, refer to my employment and work. Thus, you are always few and always not enough, and the guy feels drawn to you and your absence.

[BGXKB]

18 minutes ago, Cyanide said:

I thought I may have been doing this, but I’m literally just responding to his messages that he’s sending me  I also take a while to reply sometimes and don’t mind if others do but I think anything over like a day is just on purpose lol but why even bother texting back if that’s how you feel

 

I have a really intense career and am talking to someone else who’s a doctor and does overnight shifts in a hospital and even he responds faster these past few days  

Oh, idk, I would say guys like being put on read until you finally have something interesting to say days, maybe weeks later. Like sometimes they just want the last word for a while and will usually text again if you don’t respond in a day or so. 

 

It may take longer than that, but once they start to feel like they’re being ignored or you might be talking to or doing someone else they start trying to get your attention again. I’ve seen it countless times before.

[Perfect Crime]

41 minutes ago, Fastlane said:

I'm chatting with 8 guys at the same time now, because it's like a competition. And if I write to one guy every day, then he will get tired of me and our communication will fade away.

8?  

 

Do you feel anything for any of them or are they just sex toys? genuinely curious

[arceus]

The illusion of choice tbh. People think they have infinite number of choices just because Grindr exists. 

[Protocol]

You are probably going out with guys who are a bit hotter than you and this is why it keeps happening. The fundmanetal problem is an attempt to maximize the hotness of the guy you're ******* or dating that most gays engage in. On gay apps, most people are aiming for the hottest guy they think they can get. So 7s try to get 8s and 9s, and might ghost or put on hold a 6 or 7. The 8s and 9s usually only want each other, or get very specific about what they want. 5s try to aim for 6s and 7s, while putting their fellow 5s on hold, and so on. Top/Bottom also changes the dynamic. Usually the hotness requirement is higher for the bottom. Not uncommon to see 6/7 tops hooking up with 8 bottoms, but rare the other way around. I would love to see data analysis from gay dating apps. I bet you could categorize people into a 1-10 scale based on how often they get messaged by people who also get messaged a lot, and it would probably match up very closely with large numbers of gays ranking them from 1-10 based on hotness (notice I say hotness, not looks, since face, body, *****, ass, etc., even profession sometimes like being a cop or military can all contribute).

 

But here's the trick: if you aim for someone slightly lower on the traditional hotness scale than yourself, it's much more likely to be a normal nice responsive situation rather than ghosting and being vague and unresponsive and not knowing if he will see you again. But you've got to make sure you're geniunely into them as well otherwise you will be unsatisfied.

[Cyanide]

6 minutes ago, Protocol said:

You are probably going out with guys who are a bit hotter than you and this is why it keeps happening. The fundmanetal problem is an attempt to maximize the hotness of the guy you're ******* or dating that most gays engage in. On gay apps, most people are aiming for the hottest guy they think they can get. So 7s try to get 8s and 9s, and might ghost or put on hold a 6 or 7. The 8s and 9s usually only want each other, or get very specific about what they want. 5s try to aim for 6s and 7s, while putting their fellow 5s on hold, and so on. Top/Bottom also changes the dynamic. Usually the hotness requirement is higher for the bottom. Not uncommon to see 6/7 tops hooking up with 8 bottoms, but rare the other way around.

 

But here's the trick: if you aim for someone slightly lower on the traditional hotness scale than yourself, it's much more likely to be a normal nice responsive situation rather than ghosting and being vague and unresponsive and not knowing if he will see you again. But you've got to make sure you're geniunely into them as well otherwise you will be unsatisfied.

This is what I thought in my lowest vibrational self and then I tried an uglier guy the same thing happened and it hurt me even harder  

[Protocol]

Just now, Cyanide said:

This is what I thought in my lowest vibrational self and then I tried an uglier guy the same thing happened and it hurt me even harder  

Well, the other thing is that a lot of men are assholes period. Don't take it personally. People who ghost others are not nice people and usually have all kinds of issues. Consider it a bullet dodged. There are nice, empathetic, kind gay men out there, I promise.

[BlooRiverAnimal]

3 hours ago, BGXKB said:

I’ve always hated being expected to respond in a certain amount of time. Anyone who gives me that vibe gets ghosted. 

Same, I always try and make sure I give off that I either just wanna **** or we just chillin, playing the game and nothing else type of vibe. The minute they start doing the most, it’s crickets.