discussion My friend made a messy statement and I’m miffed.

[Nikko]

So my very close white friend recently told me he wishes black artists could erase the n-word from their dictionary so they could stop getting mad when white people use it/sing it in songs. This friend is a big R&B and hip-hip fan and we both skip the n-word (I’m white too) when we sing along so that statement threw me off so much that I kinda don’t wanna see him right now  

 

Have you been in a similar situation? Should I take the time to explain why he’s wrong? Should I come to terms with the fact that I can’t change people’s opinions and try to accept them for who they are? Help.

Edited April 25, 2022 by Nikko

[RunUpDoneUp]

Lmao not a big deal to not see ya boi but yeah, he's a little greasy for wanting artists to curtail their work so he can avoid being perceived as racist for singing a lyric.

 

I don't believe that singing the n word in music or reading a sentence is racist at all but enough people do. You seem to be one of those people so I'd say go with the censoring of art angle, that usually works with people that are reactionary.

[Jaay]

The N word is not for while people to say. So your friend is an idiot and you should not hangout with him anymore. Let me just make that simple for you.

[Arrows]

You’re considering ending a friendship over this? You could discuss it with him without making a big deal out of it, do not “explain why someone is wrong” ever, that’s a condescending way to think and rarely works, even when you’re clearly right. If you like him and thinks he’s generally a good person, it seems like he maybe just doesn’t know a lot about the topic or why it’s sensitive.

[Sweet Sexy Savage]

He should educate himself on the usage of the word since he’s acting condescending about black people using a term that has been long ingrained in history

[Nikko]

21 minutes ago, Arrows said:

You’re considering ending a friendship over this? You could discuss it with him without making a big deal out of it, do not “explain why someone is wrong” ever, that’s a condescending way to think and rarely works, even when you’re clearly right. If you like him and thinks he’s generally a good person, it seems like he maybe just doesn’t know a lot about the topic or why it’s sensitive.

No, I’m not. I just keep thinking about it and it makes me want to avoid him because I’m not sure how to proceed. Thanks for the advice, you’re right I could have worded that better.

[Arrows]

13 minutes ago, Nikko said:

No, I’m not. I just keep thinking about it and it makes me want to avoid him because I’m not sure how to proceed. Thanks for the advice, you’re right I could have worded that better.

No problem! Good luck

[yonsé]

41 minutes ago, Arrows said:

You’re considering ending a friendship over this? You could discuss it with him without making a big deal out of it, do not “explain why someone is wrong” ever, that’s a condescending way to think and rarely works, even when you’re clearly right. If you like him and thinks he’s generally a good person, it seems like he maybe just doesn’t know a lot about the topic or why it’s sensitive.

As a black person, I would 100% end a friendship over this…

[yonsé]

50 minutes ago, Nikko said:

So my very close white friend recently told me he wishes black artists could erase the n-word from their dictionary so they could stop getting mad when white people use it/sing it in songs. This friend is a big R&B and hip-hip fan and we both skip the n-word (I’m white too) when we sing along so that statement threw me off so much that I kinda don’t wanna see him right now  

 

Have you been in a similar situation? Should I take the time to explain why he’s wrong? Should I come to terms with the fact that I can’t change people’s opinions and try to accept them for who they are? Help.

Talk to them and explain why that’s not okay. They will listen when it’s coming from someone who looks like them that they can relate to. It’s your job as an ally to educate your racist friends yall, we can’t do all the heavy lifting.

 

Letting it go unchecked while it clearly bothers you gives complicity.

[BOOMBAYAH]

(I’m black for context) If he’s a very close friend then I don’t think you should cut him off because of this. These kind of opinions I guess can be “problematic” in the sense that they are stripped of nuance and people who say this usually don’t understand the evolution of that word in black communities and so on, but at the same time they are usually not delivered with malice.
 

If I were in your shoes, I would just sit my friend down and tell them why I think they are wrong; if they see my point, great let’s move on, if they don’t see my point, I would probably be a little bit irritated but since they are a close friend I would just nip it under the bud unless it starts to become a reoccurring issue (which it probably won’t). 

 

I’ll say this, in the times we’re living in now, I feel as though throwing and “cutting people off” is so easy that so many of us are quick to do it, not knowing that we may never find a friend like that again. It might feel great in the moment, or even months afterwards, but is this really something you want to throw away a close bond for?

[Nikko]

8 minutes ago, BOOMBAYAH said:

(I’m black for context) If he’s a very close friend then I don’t think you should cut him off because of this. These kind of opinions I guess can be “problematic” in the sense that they are stripped of nuance and people who say this usually don’t understand the evolution of that word in black communities and so on, but at the same time they are usually not delivered with malice.
 

If I were in your shoes, I would just sit my friend down and tell them why I think they are wrong; if they see my point, great let’s move on, if they don’t see my point, I would probably be a little bit irritated but since they are a close friend I would just nip it under the bud unless it starts to become a reoccurring issue (which it probably won’t). 

 

I’ll say this, in the times we’re living in now, I feel as though throwing and “cutting people off” is so easy that so many of us are quick to do it, not knowing that we may never find a friend like that again. It might feel great in the moment, or even months afterwards, but is this really something you want to throw away a close bond for?

Thank you! And no, I never considered cutting him off, I literally saw him yesterday but it’s iffy when I haven’t talked about this with him hence why I considered avoiding regular meetings until I decide how to approach the issue. Next time we meet I’ll definitely try to explain my point of view so we can move forward. Thanks again!

[Into The Void]

2 hours ago, Nikko said:

So my very close white friend recently told me he wishes black artists could erase the n-word from their dictionary so they could stop getting mad when white people use it/sing it in songs. This friend is a big R&B and hip-hip fan and we both skip the n-word (I’m white too) when we sing along so that statement threw me off so much that I kinda don’t wanna see him right now  

 

Have you been in a similar situation? Should I take the time to explain why he’s wrong? Should I come to terms with the fact that I can’t change people’s opinions and try to accept them for who they are? Help.

So he doesn't actually use the n word?

 

I mean I'm a little confused at his statement to be honest if he doesn't actually do it I think we need more info. Does he know why its wrong?

[Robert]

It seems what he said comes from a place of ignorance more than anything. I think just use it as an opportunity to discuss it and educate him about it rather than just ending the friendship.

[Bacardo Royale]

This is not that big of a deal. A lot of black people aren't here for the n-word either.