discussion The Depression Lounge

[Starfish]

On 3/9/2023 at 7:07 PM, DoctorIce said:

I had pretty heavy depression for several years until I had a psychedelic experience and it totally erased my depression in a matter of hours. It reset my entire perspective on life and made me feel 'reborn' or like I'd been given a second chance to be happy. Now I feel like I can't fathom being hopelessly depressed again because the memories and lessons of the experience are always with me.

 

I use the metaphor of a busted, slow and buggy computer. You reset to factory settings and it's as good as new. 

 

If you feel like therapy or anti-depressants haven't helped then I strongly advise that you do some of your own research into the benefits of psilocybe mushrooms. It's not a magic bullet and you still need to put in the work after to replace the negative patterns of thought and behaviour with healthy alternatives, but it literally changed my life and I feel obliged to spread the word. 

 

Disclaimer: I'm not suggesting flippantly taking psychedelics, I'm just recommending that you do your own research, read stories on Reddit, trip reports on YouTube etc and come to your own conclusions as to whether it's right for you. You should not consider this an option if you suffer from bipolar or schizophrenia.

Damn I need to get my hand on some of those. Goodbye depression! 

[AvadaKedavra]

Ok some things i need to get out of my chest makin my life less happy. I need catharsis 

-My parents neglected my teeth health when i was young and i never had any dental care.  Im sufferin from teeth problems now and now im scared of goin there. I never had any kind of surgery or procedure and im just terrified of the pain. Sooner or later i will have to go and face my biggest fears in life. yes im a chicken

- 3 years without socializing with anyone. I really miss havin friends and talkin with people of my age. The pandemic really damaged me in so multiple ways. Everything was goin so well before the pandemic and the future looked so bright. I wish was able to study face-to-face instead of online but the biggest metropolis of my country is gettin too dangerous (stabbings-assault are common). So online is the only option 4 me. Im better in this calm-little town. Hope im able to find good besties in the next months.

-My country is gettin more unstable with the new president and i hate the fact of how people outside in some english spheres defend him just cause hes' part of the "left".....yes like all the people from the left parties are always pristine good "Specially in Latinoamerica". Im progressive and hyperliberal but its important always to have a critical eye with every politician.   Its sick. My country could fall into doom-apocalypsis territory and people who dont suffer through that would clap all happy while they go to their normal morning routine in their comfortable lives...Like is a TV show to them.  Insurgents dangerous terrorist groups are slowly takin over my country again and im scared about my dad cause he works in the countryside. Kids from farms are gettin kidnapped. Were regressin back to the 90s-80s. Our economy is falling out of corporate uncertainty. Our healthcare (one of the best in the americas) will be destroyed. Our president is not listenin everyone cause he's a tyrant. Our president is selling our country to other countries and supportin coups openly and disgustin scum like Vladimir Putin....and this is just the tip of the iceberg. I really hope im in the wrong...but if things keep goin this way i can see huge migrations in the next years and i will probably have to leave my country too to support my parents from the outside. 

The last minutes of this video is exactly how i feel sometimes when i see people from developed countries supportin dictatorships-authocracies in third world countries like mine.

Im Madonna 

-I hate the fact of how i have years in english forums and my english is still regular-mid. I been hittin a wall and unable to progress and i wish i had better grammar and punctuaction and management of english structures.

-Recently i got into something similar to engineering but i been havin a hard time with math. I studied in really bad schools when i was young in tiny towns with abussive teachers and that damaged my educational experience. So, i never properly learned math and u need math in every career. I enjoy it but the uni is throwin too many topics at once and is just too much. I dont know how will be able to pass this and im just starting. 
 

Ok thats all for today  wishing the best to everyone here. Hope things get better  
why all the best people like yll have sometimes to go through the worst things. This universe is a mess. 

Edited April 29, 2023 by AvadaKedavra

[Alldeezy]

I'm afraid I got 6 more meds and no more repeats and my aniexty has been so bad I'm even too scared to go to the doctors, they want me off them when really I need a upper dosage 

[Virgos Groove]

Finally gonna meet a psychiatrist tomorrow. Even though I've been doing better lately, I really do feel the need to get some help.

 

I've been feeling a weird mix of anxiety, depression and stress since I moved back to my parents' house to do my masters. Feeling completely numb at times, thinking my family hates me, crying (which I hadn't done in years), feeling uncertain about the future, etc. This isn't helped by the fact I don't really have any friends nearby. I felt so free when I lived in a different city, and now it's like I've been pushed back into the closet.

 

I hit a low point last month (suicide ideation), which prompted me to ask my mom for help and tell her that I need to see a professional.

 

She - who already knew I was gay - also incentivized me to come out of the closet to my father and brother. They accepted it, which was such a relief.

 

UPDATE: He prescribed me Cipralex and some vitamins. Let's hope it'll work.

Edited May 29, 2023 by Virgos Groove

[venuss]

On 4/29/2023 at 10:58 AM, AvadaKedavra said:

Ok some things i need to get out of my chest makin my life less happy. I need catharsis 

-My parents neglected my teeth health when i was young and i never had any dental care.  Im sufferin from teeth problems now and now im scared of goin there. I never had any kind of surgery or procedure and im just terrified of the pain. Sooner or later i will have to go and face my biggest fears in life. yes im a chicken

- 3 years without socializing with anyone. I really miss havin friends and talkin with people of my age. The pandemic really damaged me in so multiple ways. Everything was goin so well before the pandemic and the future looked so bright. I wish was able to study face-to-face instead of online but the biggest metropolis of my country is gettin too dangerous (stabbings-assault are common). So online is the only option 4 me. Im better in this calm-little town. Hope im able to find good besties in the next months.

-My country is gettin more unstable with the new president and i hate the fact of how people outside in some english spheres defend him just cause hes' part of the "left".....yes like all the people from the left parties are always pristine good "Specially in Latinoamerica". Im progressive and hyperliberal but its important always to have a critical eye with every politician.   Its sick. My country could fall into doom-apocalypsis territory and people who dont suffer through that would clap all happy while they go to their normal morning routine in their comfortable lives...Like is a TV show to them.  Insurgents dangerous terrorist groups are slowly takin over my country again and im scared about my dad cause he works in the countryside. Kids from farms are gettin kidnapped. Were regressin back to the 90s-80s. Our economy is falling out of corporate uncertainty. Our healthcare (one of the best in the americas) will be destroyed. Our president is not listenin everyone cause he's a tyrant. Our president is selling our country to other countries and supportin coups openly and disgustin scum like Vladimir Putin....and this is just the tip of the iceberg. I really hope im in the wrong...but if things keep goin this way i can see huge migrations in the next years and i will probably have to leave my country too to support my parents from the outside. 

The last minutes of this video is exactly how i feel sometimes when i see people from developed countries supportin dictatorships-authocracies in third world countries like mine.

Im Madonna 

-I hate the fact of how i have years in english forums and my english is still regular-mid. I been hittin a wall and unable to progress and i wish i had better grammar and punctuaction and management of english structures.

-Recently i got into something similar to engineering but i been havin a hard time with math. I studied in really bad schools when i was young in tiny towns with abussive teachers and that damaged my educational experience. So, i never properly learned math and u need math in every career. I enjoy it but the uni is throwin too many topics at once and is just too much. I dont know how will be able to pass this and im just starting. 
 

Ok thats all for today  wishing the best to everyone here. Hope things get better  
why all the best people like yll have sometimes to go through the worst things. This universe is a mess. 

Where are you from? That county sounds like a mess (and way too familiar at the same time). 

 

Hope everything works for you. Sometimes stuff seems too dark but when you look back, it wasn't really all that. 

 

 

[artc0cx]

My dog passed away tragically this last week and its been really hard for me, he was with me for 9 years, but he didnt deserve to die this way, i thought i was going to be lucky to have him for 15yo or so.

I feel like i have no more aspirations in this country anymore, i used to have some goals of going to germany or try for medical residency in the US, but without him i feel like i'd be too alone in here to even try that, so ill think ill move with my family at the end of the year and see what happens.

[youcallingmyname]

My ***** ass abusive father was over & started **** so we got into a word right. Then the bastard sees my journal and throws it outside. Some random homeless girl picked up my journal and took it. 

[tbhmatt]

Just checking in to make sure everyone posting in here is doing ok.

 

I was on anti depressants but ran out recently & have basically come off them cold turkey. I’m starting to feel pretty **** again. I’m tempted to request a refill but I just hate the idea of only being able to be happy on medication. I can’t live like that forever.

[Joyride]

Hello guys! please I'd like to know how you're doing.

 

these days I've been feeling a little weird, the antidepressants are finally kicking in and I have these moments of "I'm good, it's all good", but then my mood drops drastically, and I just feel very numb, not sure if I need the anxiety meds anymore (but I know I do). I don't know how to control it, I think it has to do with me being so scared of cancer coming back, that thought won't leave my mind and it's keeping me awake at night.

 

today for example was a good -controled- day, didn't have any ups and downs, but last week was very weird. I know I still have a long way to go and a lot of stuff learn to cope with, but the thought of cancer and reading so many news about celebs dealing with it has gotten to my head and I feel very fearful again.

[EnigmaticAndroid]

Idk if I've ever posted in here but 

 

Don't wanna get too detailed for personal reasons, but my life has been so chaotic ever since the pandemic. I have a long history of mental issues and my psychotic symptoms came back stronger than ever and I had no one to go to. I became incapable of handling school and work. I really think that I had a major psychotic episode or that my undiagniosed issues may have progressed or changed. I had to repeat classes and move back in with my family for a bit. I was able to rebuild my life a bit and take care of some things. 2022 was actually a pretty decent year of recovery even if I'm still struggling. Baby steps. 

 

There's one big academic thing that's been dangling over me since the start of the pandemic and I just can't get myself to do it. I could graduate right now if I wanted to but I want to finish it for myself. I haven't spoken with my advisors for it in over a year. I deserted them and don't know if I can even go back. I feel so lost despite how genuinely far I've come. And I get so overwhelmed by the scale of what I want to do with it.  

Edited June 8, 2023 by EnigmaticAndroid

[EnigmaticAndroid]

On a positive note, I left my job in customer service and feel so free. Dealing with b!tchy geriatrics all day in a failing business was too much. And it became a scenario of me doing the jobs of multiple people all of the time. My new job is easier, pays better, and I work back-of-house so no customers. 

 

I can feel the weight that my old job pressed over me leaving sometimes. I might be starting to regain my smile a little. And I'm way less exhausted at the end of each shift. I've wanted to establish balance in my life for so long and feel like I may be starting to figure that out a little. Still lots to work on. 

[Jotham]

48 minutes ago, EnigmaticAndroid said:

Idk if I've ever posted in here but 

 

Don't wanna get too detailed for personal reasons, but my life has been so chaotic ever since the pandemic. I have a long history of mental issues and my psychotic symptoms came back stronger than ever and I had no one to go to. I became incapable of handling school and work. I really think that I had a major psychotic episode or that my undiagniosed issues may have progressed or changed. I had to repeat classes and move back in with my family for a bit. I was able to rebuild my life a bit and take care of some things. 2022 was actually a pretty decent year of recovery even if I'm still struggling. Baby steps. 

 

There's one big academic thing that's been dangling over me since the start of the pandemic and I just can't get myself to do it. I could graduate right now if I wanted to but I want to finish it for myself. I haven't spoken with my advisors for it in over a year. I deserted them and don't know if I can even go back. I feel so lost despite how genuinely far I've come. And I get so overwhelmed by the scale of what I want to do with it.  

I understand. The pandemic caused a lot of my mental problems to relapse and, while some things have gotten better, I think it's going to take some time for me to fully get back to where I was pre-pandemic.

 

Does your academic institution provide therapists for students? I had one at my university and it was really helpful to talk to him about confidential things regarding academics.

[Mr. Peanutbutter]

I feel so alone.

[EnigmaticAndroid]

On 6/8/2023 at 3:51 AM, Jotham said:

I understand. The pandemic caused a lot of my mental problems to relapse and, while some things have gotten better, I think it's going to take some time for me to fully get back to where I was pre-pandemic.

 

Does your academic institution provide therapists for students? I had one at my university and it was really helpful to talk to him about confidential things regarding academics.

They do have some services, but I also am tied to my parent's healthcare and am considering reaching out to a therapist in my area. I would use the providers through my uni if I was able to go in-person at the moment, although I've always been anxious about reaching out to people. It's so scary having to open up tbh 

[Witchpop]

I just want a relationship to work out for me. I'm tired of the beginnings and constantly having to go through the whole cycle of getting to know someone again. I just want someone to stay for once. I have so much love to give and would spoil the hell out of that person. I'm so tired of getting attached to people and them leaving and hurting me out of no where. 

 

I've been seeing this guy for about a month and we went on our first date to an amusement park and out to dinner afterwards. It went very well, I invited to take him to a different amusement park and spend the weekend together the following weekend. He texted after the date and said he'd love to come.

 

That weekend came and it was amazing, he drove down and I drove to the park and he met some of my friends and he could hang with the fuckery and chaos that my friends get involve with, he even joined in some times. Him being exactly my type in addition to the cuddling and fooling around lead to feelings being formed for me at least fast. We would text all day and he would ALWAYS text me good morning before I wake up.

 

We made plans two Sundays ago to see each other for this upcoming weekend. He was really excited he told me and we talked on the phone that night and the whole week went normal until this last Friday. I went down to Virginia with some friends, he randomly went MIA Friday night around 6pm and didn't text me until 10:40am Saturday, he sent 2 texts and the last one was at 11:15am, then I heard from him again on Sunday at 11am, a single text, until 7pm that night. I figured since it was his first lazy weekend in a hot minute he was just busy or sleeping and relaxing, but Friday through the whole weekend my anxiety was off the charts, I wound up having a few mental break downs on Friday/Saturday/Sunday. 

 

Monday morning rolls around, things look promising, but again he disappears. I message him a few hours later saying "I'm looking forward to seeing you this weekend" and nothing. He finally texts me back at 9pm and ends things because he doesn't know what he's looking for romantically and it wouldn't be fair to me. (Meanwhile his dating profile says he's looking for something long term and serious, which is exactly what I'm looking for)

 

Dating is so ******* annoying and depressing. I literally never want to do it again, but I just have a longing for love and a partner by my side.

[White Rabbit]

I acquired a form of hearing loss alongside tinnitus back in April and it’s completely turned my life upside down.

The toll it’s had on my mental health (that was on the up and up) is pretty devastating to say the least.

All the hard work I’ve put in over the years with therapy/treatments feels like it’s come undone in a matter of weeks.

At least with my previous depressive episodes, I knew things could get better and pain in the present moment isn’t a fixed thing. But coping with something permanent like hearing loss is a different beast altogether and is beyond my limits of what I feel like I can handle.

I’m so close to quitting my jobs for the time being (or getting fired). The depression is making my ADHD so much worse and trying to mask my symptoms/look presentable while borderline suicidal is breaking me apart.

 

On the bright side, I’ve found some comfort/relief leaning into spirituality on good days.

Again, it’s really difficult knowing that I might have to reconsider or forgo a lot of the things I built my life around.

Things like my career, hobbies and lifestyle just to accommodate present circumstances. The concept of impermanence in particular has been really helpful for that.

There is beauty to be found in rebuilding around loss, even if what you’re left with looks nothing like it used to.

I hope I can fully integrate that mindset as time passes but for now I’m just hoping I can get to that point.

[GuyNextDoor]

I hate this city 

Staying here is not worth it. My mental health suffers the consequences. 

[zasderfght]

On 6/21/2023 at 3:14 PM, Witchpop said:

I just want a relationship to work out for me. I'm tired of the beginnings and constantly having to go through the whole cycle of getting to know someone again. I just want someone to stay for once. I have so much love to give and would spoil the hell out of that person. I'm so tired of getting attached to people and them leaving and hurting me out of no where. 

 

 

  Hide contents

I've been seeing this guy for about a month and we went on our first date to an amusement park and out to dinner afterwards. It went very well, I invited to take him to a different amusement park and spend the weekend together the following weekend. He texted after the date and said he'd love to come.

 

 

That weekend came and it was amazing, he drove down and I drove to the park and he met some of my friends and he could hang with the fuckery and chaos that my friends get involve with, he even joined in some times. Him being exactly my type in addition to the cuddling and fooling around lead to feelings being formed for me at least fast. We would text all day and he would ALWAYS text me good morning before I wake up.

 

We made plans two Sundays ago to see each other for this upcoming weekend. He was really excited he told me and we talked on the phone that night and the whole week went normal until this last Friday. I went down to Virginia with some friends, he randomly went MIA Friday night around 6pm and didn't text me until 10:40am Saturday, he sent 2 texts and the last one was at 11:15am, then I heard from him again on Sunday at 11am, a single text, until 7pm that night. I figured since it was his first lazy weekend in a hot minute he was just busy or sleeping and relaxing, but Friday through the whole weekend my anxiety was off the charts, I wound up having a few mental break downs on Friday/Saturday/Sunday. 

 

Monday morning rolls around, things look promising, but again he disappears. I message him a few hours later saying "I'm looking forward to seeing you this weekend" and nothing. He finally texts me back at 9pm and ends things because he doesn't know what he's looking for romantically and it wouldn't be fair to me. (Meanwhile his dating profile says he's looking for something long term and serious, which is exactly what I'm looking for)

 

 

 

Dating is so ******* annoying and depressing. I literally never want to do it again, but I just have a longing for love and a partner by my side.

From one sis to the other, don't let your date meet your friends or cuddle/kiss/hug until the later dates. This makes sure you're not as hurt if the person you're dating changes their mind (or if you change yours!). 

 

Also, hopefully this helps put things into perspective, but while I love my boyfriend, a romantic relationship does not make me feel "complete" in any way. I do. It's just as important for me to get family time in, my alone/personal time, time with friends, and stay on top of my health (I have chronic pain, anxiety, and depression) by making doctor visits and staying on top of my medications. 

 

People have this idea that being in a relationship fixes all of your problems, or that you're somehow happier than you were single. I'm here to say, that's BS. 

 

Thank about a partner complementing your life rather you having the mindset of "I just wanna spoil/love this person to death." That moment will happen. Just let the guys come to you and let them reveal themselves to you. 

 

It's also super easy to get caught up in "Am I the problem?" or "Should I have sent that last text?" If who you're dating truly loves you, even if you did something to anger them, their knee-jerk reaction wouldn't be to end things. 

 

Moreover, while people might have "looking for LTR" in their bio, it could mean they want that-- just from a different person. Maybe they decide they want something different and just don't update their profile? 

 

At the end of the day, you still have your life to live, and there is plenty of time for a guy to come along and be couple-y with you. Just focus on yourself and lean in to what makes you YOU. What are your hobbies? Passions? Do you have pet peeves? Do you need lots of time with other company or are you more introverted? 

 

I hope this helped! Dating CAN suck, but hey, I wouldn't have met my boyfriend, if I didn't play the love-slot-machine that is Bumble/Tinder/Plenty of Fish. 

Edited June 23, 2023 by zasderfght

[Joyride]

today is one of those typical "why did I wake up?" or "why is the day dragging so long" kind of day. feeling absolutely awful, unrested and just wanting things to be over. really ******* awful.

 

had some blood work done early this morning and I had to drag myself out of bed, hope everyone's feeling better than I am now.

[onapearl]

I've been in a terrible mood all day. Really, the past several days. But today especially. When my depression gets bad I get really ragey, but now I'm in a 'crying for no reason' state. Idk, I'm afraid I might have to re-up my medication dose of the one med, even though I lowered it not that long ago and the goal was to slowly wean myself off both my meds. I stopped smoking weed about a month ago, so maybe that's part of it. Maybe it's hormones and how messed up my cycle has been lately. It's really frustrating because my whole family basically relies on me so I can't afford to let myself come unglued, but I feel like that's exactly what's happening. It's even more frustrating because I had been making a lot of progress and now I feel like I'm backsliding. I have appointments on Monday with a couple of the people who help me with these things, but I'm not even sure if I'll be able to make myself go. I already canceled on my main therapist on Thursday because I had to go with my sister to her therapy appointment, and I just couldn't manage both.

 

I will say, from reading others' posts, that I'm really blessed and grateful to live in a state with good Medicaid. If I had to come up with the money for medication and therapy myself, I'm pretty sure I would be dead right now. 

[Jotham]

I notice my depression and anxiety have finally started to resurface for the past few weeks. I've started developing this habit where, whenever something good happens to other people (grad school, new job, etc.), I can't help but feel bad about myself. Like I'm still happy about their accomplishments but can't help but compare myself to them and feel like I'm behind on life. I know it's horrible to think this but I can't help it and I would love to develop a better mindset about these types of things.

[Jjang]

On 6/30/2023 at 4:34 AM, Jotham said:

I notice my depression and anxiety have finally started to resurface for the past few weeks. I've started developing this habit where, whenever something good happens to other people (grad school, new job, etc.), I can't help but feel bad about myself. Like I'm still happy about their accomplishments but can't help but compare myself to them and feel like I'm behind on life. I know it's horrible to think this but I can't help it and I would love to develop a better mindset about these types of things.

felt. 

[Sergi91]

On 6/29/2023 at 6:34 PM, Jotham said:

I notice my depression and anxiety have finally started to resurface for the past few weeks. I've started developing this habit where, whenever something good happens to other people (grad school, new job, etc.), I can't help but feel bad about myself. Like I'm still happy about their accomplishments but can't help but compare myself to them and feel like I'm behind on life. I know it's horrible to think this but I can't help it and I would love to develop a better mindset about these types of things.

Same 

[Devin]

On 6/29/2023 at 9:34 PM, Jotham said:

I notice my depression and anxiety have finally started to resurface for the past few weeks. I've started developing this habit where, whenever something good happens to other people (grad school, new job, etc.), I can't help but feel bad about myself. Like I'm still happy about their accomplishments but can't help but compare myself to them and feel like I'm behind on life. I know it's horrible to think this but I can't help it and I would love to develop a better mindset about these types of things.

Currently going thru this rn. 

[Devin]

This week been a huge mental struggle idk how I made it to Friday. On a good note, I did well on 2 job interviews I hope one of them hire me so I can get my life back together.