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I feel trapped in very awful and non-ending situation (it's really torture) I wish I was aborted. :sad:

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Don't know anyone's situation on here, but my best advice (and it costs nothing) is to GO OUTSIDE. My depression is at its worst when I'm just home all day. I make it an effort to leave my apartment at least a few times a day. Also, make sure you're eating enough. I need to work on this, but sometimes when I haven't eaten, and I don't have enough sunlight exposure, it's a death sentence for me. 

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what meds do you guys take? right now I'm on trazodone 200 MG, doctor said it wasn't really "good" for depression itself, but it kinda knocks me off at night. just kind of.

 

I've had sleep studies done this year and for some reason my brain does not go into REM because I only sleep about three to four hours at night on a lucky day and trazodone has a lot of sedative effects.

 

I'm kind of ****** up because I've always had (since I was 5!) problems to fall and stay asleep, wasn't until I got a bit of money this year that I could actually know what happened during those three hours of sleep... basically nothing. the doctors says I'm even supposed to die somewhat young because of this. it's a vicious circle.

 

my body is so resistant to sleep that it actually takes 60 MG of ambien just to knock me down.

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what I've found though is that these meds make me kinda careless about other people's emotions. I can't relate to anything other than my own feelings.

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1 minute ago, hurricane326 said:

Depakote, Haldol, Klonopin, Abilify, and Effexor for mood, depression, anxiety, and epilepsy, in addition to Lamictal just for epilepsy :rip:

damn :deadbanana2: and here I thought I was on a lot of meds.

 

Zolpidem 60 MG, Trazodone 200 MG, Xanax 3 MG and Bromazepam/Clotiazepam on and off when my anxiety is through the roof :deadbanana2:

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How do you guys deal with the reality of working in a corporate environment for the next 40 years until you retire? Like i have a decent job but it's unfulfilling. And quite frankly, I don't think there's any job out there that "fulfills" me. But having to go to the office 5 days a week for the next 40 years makes me feel miserable :chick3:

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1 hour ago, Lipgloss said:

How do you guys deal with the reality of working in a corporate environment for the next 40 years until you retire? Like i have a decent job but it's unfulfilling. And quite frankly, I don't think there's any job out there that "fulfills" me. But having to go to the office 5 days a week for the next 40 years makes me feel miserable :chick3:

hmmm.. good question.

 

it depends. like, the only fulfilling job I can think of is being in the recording studio producing, mixing and mastering, which is what I've always wanted to do, other than being a lawyer.

 

however, my career path is very, very corporate like. I don't really see myself getting past the 40s mark so I don't know. don't really want to live that long either.

 

45 years max.

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anyone know how to cope with bpd moments!  :dancehall:  

 

 

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11 hours ago, Lipgloss said:

How do you guys deal with the reality of working in a corporate environment for the next 40 years until you retire? Like i have a decent job but it's unfulfilling. And quite frankly, I don't think there's any job out there that "fulfills" me. But having to go to the office 5 days a week for the next 40 years makes me feel miserable :chick3:

I've been unemployed for 4 months now and the thought of working in a job that I hate literally fills me with dread and anxiety. The longer I stay off work the worse it gets 

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On 7/17/2022 at 6:24 PM, zasderfght said:

Don't know anyone's situation on here, but my best advice (and it costs nothing) is to GO OUTSIDE. My depression is at its worst when I'm just home all day. I make it an effort to leave my apartment at least a few times a day. Also, make sure you're eating enough. I need to work on this, but sometimes when I haven't eaten, and I don't have enough sunlight exposure, it's a death sentence for me. 

This is good advice. I go on long ass walks when I feel depressed. Like walk until you can't walk anymore type ****, while listening to upbeat music. 

 

11 hours ago, Lipgloss said:

How do you guys deal with the reality of working in a corporate environment for the next 40 years until you retire? Like i have a decent job but it's unfulfilling. And quite frankly, I don't think there's any job out there that "fulfills" me. But having to go to the office 5 days a week for the next 40 years makes me feel miserable :chick3:.

I used to judge the **** out of golddiggers until this reality set in on me. Now I get it :chick3:

 

Luckily I managed to get a job where I can afford to save a **** ton of money. I'm going to live well under my means and retire by 40.

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10 minutes ago, HotFriedChicken said:

I've been unemployed for 4 months now and the thought of working in a job that I hate literally fills me with dread and anxiety. The longer I stay off work the worse it gets 

Literally all of this. I hate being unemployed but at the same time I can't stand the thought of working a job that I'm miserable in.

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My boss is abusive but only towards me. I've told my coworker (since we're just 3 in our team) and he definitely noticed it too. It's making me super miserable but then again, I quit and only have to work until the end of the month. Such a shame because I'm really good at my job and people (including our team supervisor and the Director of the institute) want me to stay :gaycat6: 

 

 

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Has anybody tried DBT? I have my first appointment with a new therapist on Thursday and I want to focus on DBT skills. I feel like my current issues I can't CBT my way out off. Hoping DBT can be the key to my success. 

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Just started a new job and only two weeks in I’m realizing I already hate and can’t stand it. Not helping the fact I’ve been questioning my life for the last year and what I wanna do. Urgh 

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I’ve really been struggling with loneliness a lot and I’ve just found out another one of my friends is now engaged (and I’m very happy for them) but it’s just hit home again how lonely I am and I feel like my entire life is passing me by and I am really struggling 

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God I’m miserable and depressed. I try to focus on the positive but it’s so hard for me to focus and achieve anything in life. 

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I always know the chemicals in my brain aren't doing what they're supposed to when I get the urge to eat everything in sight, masturbate multiple times and sleep all day :rip:

 I literally have no motivation to do anything right now, I've put off going grocery shopping for over a week and I know I'm going to DESPISE myself if I waste money ordering takeout instead but I know I'm going to do it anyway :doc:

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people at my workplace made me stop eating. i am starving but i feel like i deserve it.

only foods allowed- pills for losing weight, coffee and IV

 

I am miserable. I don't wanna do this but they are all cheering when someone new doesnt eat and diets because they all do.

 

I wish i could open up my stomach to be in so much pain i cant eat, that way I'd lose so many weight.

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I wish i had a strong support system like my bf, he has so many close friends and seems to have no problem connecting with people. After high school I've had trouble making super close friends like that. Since moving for school I feel lowkey lonely and have no one to share my accomplishments with or vent towards. I fell out with pretty much all of my old friends and am a very reserved now as a result so its probably my own fault!

 

Sometimes i wish i had a little gc to text in my phone like I used to! Im by myself a lot now

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I recently moved states to be with my boyfriend and am commuting back and forth for work.

we’ve been fighting a lot, and as a result, his friends (who I assumed after 8 months were mine as well) have all abandoned me. 
it was brought to my attention that I’m aggressive and intimidating and condescending and they feared for his life (where we got into a HUGE fight and I drunkenly said I could hire someone to take care of him). 
i moved here a month and ago and have no friends or family around. All his friends no longer speak to me, and I’m just left feeling sad and alone (due to my own actions). 
Every time we fight it’s due to my past traumas and insecurities and he runs to his friends and tells them and the gap widens. 
i have no one. I am no one. I feel so alone and cast aside.. 

 

 

some days I wish I would have jumped from my 12th floor apartment. 
The fear of isolation is caving in on me and crippling me and us.

His best friend, who I came to  adore and love, and has sense stopped talking to me due to me and my bfs fights, invited him to kings island (a roller coaster and theme park) Tuesday and I declined to go because I didn’t want things to be awkward for him. 
 

we used to have so much fun together and because of my insecurities and fights I’ve backed myself into a corner where I’m completely alone outside my friends who are now in a different state.

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