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Lee!!
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Somebody really needs to take google away from me for a bit :chick3: It’s my birthday and I just had to google a bunch of stuff that I knew would make my anxiety worse. Wish I could just stop thinking for a while

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The beach + ocean made me feel happy and alive for a week 

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I've been trying for months to eat better, exercise more, and think more positively but I still feel so down and depressed :emofish: i feel so sad over my life everyday i actually feel like i'm in pain over it. I try so hard to make positive changes but everything feel stagnant. just me alone living the same day over and over again. 

the fact that everywhere I look I see people in their late 20s and 30s talk about how painful their bodies get over the years and how much difficult it gets to make new friends as you get older do nothing to improve my outlook on life :emofish:

 

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I have some time off work and I’m terrified and I’m scared of being alone for so long I just feel so empty and lonely and it’s getting worse and worse and worse and im so scared and tired and I just don’t want to live life like this 

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How is my life ever going to get better than this? How am I ever going to feel happiness? I can’t go back in time and live life the way I wish I could. Time is passing me by and my life is wasting away and there’s no hope left to change and I feel stuck and trapped and I don’t think I’m ever going to be able to fix it. I’m just sad all the time and all I want is to feel happy 

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I'm so anxious of resuming my job search. I only sent in two applications this week and I already feel so tired.

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There are some horrible things that have been going on for years it kinda made me lose all my passion and energy. I have literally very little ambition. I wish I could peaceful delete me and my circle in it from the life.

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I’m spiralling and having a meltdown and I don’t know what to do 

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I don’t know what to do I feel trapped and helpless 

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I don’t understand why I’m not good enough. I feel so alone.

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I’ve spent 12 hours today crying and having emotional breakdowns I feel drained and exhausted 

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I feel trapped in very awful and non-ending situation (it's really torture) I wish I was aborted. :sad:

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Don't know anyone's situation on here, but my best advice (and it costs nothing) is to GO OUTSIDE. My depression is at its worst when I'm just home all day. I make it an effort to leave my apartment at least a few times a day. Also, make sure you're eating enough. I need to work on this, but sometimes when I haven't eaten, and I don't have enough sunlight exposure, it's a death sentence for me. 

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what meds do you guys take? right now I'm on trazodone 200 MG, doctor said it wasn't really "good" for depression itself, but it kinda knocks me off at night. just kind of.

 

I've had sleep studies done this year and for some reason my brain does not go into REM because I only sleep about three to four hours at night on a lucky day and trazodone has a lot of sedative effects.

 

I'm kind of ****** up because I've always had (since I was 5!) problems to fall and stay asleep, wasn't until I got a bit of money this year that I could actually know what happened during those three hours of sleep... basically nothing. the doctors says I'm even supposed to die somewhat young because of this. it's a vicious circle.

 

my body is so resistant to sleep that it actually takes 60 MG of ambien just to knock me down.

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what I've found though is that these meds make me kinda careless about other people's emotions. I can't relate to anything other than my own feelings.

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6 minutes ago, Joyride said:

what meds do you guys take?

Depakote, Haldol, Klonopin, Abilify, and Effexor for mood, depression, anxiety, and epilepsy, in addition to Lamictal just for epilepsy :rip:

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1 minute ago, hurricane326 said:

Depakote, Haldol, Klonopin, Abilify, and Effexor for mood, depression, anxiety, and epilepsy, in addition to Lamictal just for epilepsy :rip:

damn :deadbanana2: and here I thought I was on a lot of meds.

 

Zolpidem 60 MG, Trazodone 200 MG, Xanax 3 MG and Bromazepam/Clotiazepam on and off when my anxiety is through the roof :deadbanana2:

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How do you guys deal with the reality of working in a corporate environment for the next 40 years until you retire? Like i have a decent job but it's unfulfilling. And quite frankly, I don't think there's any job out there that "fulfills" me. But having to go to the office 5 days a week for the next 40 years makes me feel miserable :chick3:

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1 hour ago, Lipgloss said:

How do you guys deal with the reality of working in a corporate environment for the next 40 years until you retire? Like i have a decent job but it's unfulfilling. And quite frankly, I don't think there's any job out there that "fulfills" me. But having to go to the office 5 days a week for the next 40 years makes me feel miserable :chick3:

hmmm.. good question.

 

it depends. like, the only fulfilling job I can think of is being in the recording studio producing, mixing and mastering, which is what I've always wanted to do, other than being a lawyer.

 

however, my career path is very, very corporate like. I don't really see myself getting past the 40s mark so I don't know. don't really want to live that long either.

 

45 years max.

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anyone know how to cope with bpd moments!  :dancehall:  

 

 

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11 hours ago, Lipgloss said:

How do you guys deal with the reality of working in a corporate environment for the next 40 years until you retire? Like i have a decent job but it's unfulfilling. And quite frankly, I don't think there's any job out there that "fulfills" me. But having to go to the office 5 days a week for the next 40 years makes me feel miserable :chick3:

I've been unemployed for 4 months now and the thought of working in a job that I hate literally fills me with dread and anxiety. The longer I stay off work the worse it gets 

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On 7/17/2022 at 6:24 PM, zasderfght said:

Don't know anyone's situation on here, but my best advice (and it costs nothing) is to GO OUTSIDE. My depression is at its worst when I'm just home all day. I make it an effort to leave my apartment at least a few times a day. Also, make sure you're eating enough. I need to work on this, but sometimes when I haven't eaten, and I don't have enough sunlight exposure, it's a death sentence for me. 

This is good advice. I go on long ass walks when I feel depressed. Like walk until you can't walk anymore type ****, while listening to upbeat music. 

 

11 hours ago, Lipgloss said:

How do you guys deal with the reality of working in a corporate environment for the next 40 years until you retire? Like i have a decent job but it's unfulfilling. And quite frankly, I don't think there's any job out there that "fulfills" me. But having to go to the office 5 days a week for the next 40 years makes me feel miserable :chick3:.

I used to judge the **** out of golddiggers until this reality set in on me. Now I get it :chick3:

 

Luckily I managed to get a job where I can afford to save a **** ton of money. I'm going to live well under my means and retire by 40.

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10 minutes ago, HotFriedChicken said:

I've been unemployed for 4 months now and the thought of working in a job that I hate literally fills me with dread and anxiety. The longer I stay off work the worse it gets 

Literally all of this. I hate being unemployed but at the same time I can't stand the thought of working a job that I'm miserable in.

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My boss is abusive but only towards me. I've told my coworker (since we're just 3 in our team) and he definitely noticed it too. It's making me super miserable but then again, I quit and only have to work until the end of the month. Such a shame because I'm really good at my job and people (including our team supervisor and the Director of the institute) want me to stay :gaycat6: 

 

 

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Has anybody tried DBT? I have my first appointment with a new therapist on Thursday and I want to focus on DBT skills. I feel like my current issues I can't CBT my way out off. Hoping DBT can be the key to my success. 

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