discussion The Depression Lounge

[motherpills]

4 minutes ago, Tayman said:

Everything is going fckng wrong, I see everyone around me doing so well and I feel like a failure. I went freelance trying to follow my passions and what I like and idk, maybe I just don't have it in me, I'm not motivated. I grew up seeing my family being so worried about money and not making enough all their life, stressed out paying the bills and always had in my mind that I didn't wanted to live like that, that I would do anything so that not to be my reality, but sadly it is and I'm so tired. I'm sorry for my bad english I just want to let everything out and I'm not really thinking too much.

i totally relate to this honestly im just sooo burnt out. i need a break from everything for like 2 months on a deserted island

[monologueNacafe]

2 hours ago, Tayman said:

Everything is going fckng wrong, I see everyone around me doing so well and I feel like a failure. I went freelance trying to follow my passions and what I like and idk, maybe I just don't have it in me, I'm not motivated. I grew up seeing my family being so worried about money and not making enough all their life, stressed out paying the bills and always had in my mind that I didn't wanted to live like that, that I would do anything so that not to be my reality, but sadly it is and I'm so tired. I'm sorry for my bad english I just want to let everything out and I'm not really thinking too much.

I can relate. I feel like I should be doing a lot better in life than I am 

[Kern]

I feel so lonely when I see my bf having 100000 friends, always texting with someone and going out often. I feel invisible most of my life

[Virgos Groove]

All this talk of getting old
It's getting me down, my love

 

[Likingstars]

The short day is getting to me bad. I fe sad, and tired and lonely. And my body is aching all the time. Recently

moved to a new city so i dont know anyone and have any connections. I just feel very sad. Been taking Wellbutrin every year for seasonal depression but i dont feel like it has helped me this year :( 

[Hollywood.]

On 10/4/2024 at 8:58 AM, Kern said:

I feel so lonely when I see my bf having 100000 friends, always texting with someone and going out often. I feel invisible most of my life

I know you posted this like a month ago but I feel the same way. My husband has many friends, some even in other cities who will literally mail him cards for every major holiday/event, call him often and see each other and I can't even get 'friends' who live 10 minutes away to even answer the phone. Use to even joke that I was the "tag-along" friend - the one who isn't really invited / or a part of the group but they tolerate your presence enough to let you hang out with them. 

 

To make it worse - my best friend who did make those efforts to be in my life passed away last year and that circle of friends drifted apart. I hoped his death would have been enough to encourage us to see each other more, but nope. 

[Kern]

6 hours ago, Hollywood. said:

I know you posted this like a month ago but I feel the same way. My husband has many friends, some even in other cities who will literally mail him cards for every major holiday/event, call him often and see each other and I can't even get 'friends' who live 10 minutes away to even answer the phone. Use to even joke that I was the "tag-along" friend - the one who isn't really invited / or a part of the group but they tolerate your presence enough to let you hang out with them. 

 

To make it worse - my best friend who did make those efforts to be in my life passed away last year and that circle of friends drifted apart. I hoped his death would have been enough to encourage us to see each other more, but nope. 

Sorry to hear that and I totally can relate. I'm always jealous of people who have a group of friends

[Hollywood.]

10 hours ago, Kern said:

Sorry to hear that and I totally can relate. I'm always jealous of people who have a group of friends

I'd personally prefer one or two really close friends over a large friends group. 
 

Do you have any friends in common with your boyfriend? Maybe you guys can share a friend circle? 

[Jotham]

It's crazy how quickly this year changed for me. It was shaping up to be one of the best years of my life, but everything's gone downhill within this last couple of months.

 

2024 started off great for me. I got a job offer after months of applying. It was only a summer job but it felt good to finally have something. In the meantime before my job started, I made a lot of progress with my mental health and even got to visit NYC in the spring. I've been to NYC multiple times at this point but this was by far my favorite trip so far. Some time passes and I finally start my job and I have the time of life: I got to travel to LA for work, reunited with a bunch of friends from college, and enjoyed working with the kids at my job.

 

Ever since I came from from that job though... everything's changed. My anxiety is lapsing again from the job search. My personal life is getting worse with how emotionally manipulative my mom can be at times. It's getting really hard on my sisters and me, but I'm also worried about my dad since he gets the brunt of her emotional abuse. I have a feeling he's depressed but he's trying not to show it because he comes from a generation when that was really stigmatized. I feel so sorry for him because I always see him getting self-help books from the library about managing an unhealthy relationship and he always pleads my mom to go into counseling, but instead she gaslights him (and the rest of us) by insisting that she's not the problem.

 

And just when I thought things couldn't get worse, the election happened and I'm fearful of the direction this country is taking.

 

I've just been in this bleak state since then. Normally I'm excited for the holiday season to begin but I just feel so down at the moment.

[Dante]

On 11/11/2024 at 3:52 AM, Likingstars said:

The short day is getting to me bad. I fe sad, and tired and lonely. And my body is aching all the time. Recently

moved to a new city so i dont know anyone and have any connections. I just feel very sad. Been taking Wellbutrin every year for seasonal depression but i dont feel like it has helped me this year :( 

+1

 

I feel like i suddenly dont have time for anything...  

[monologueNacafe]

Blah

[Gorjesspazze9]

On 11/13/2024 at 10:59 AM, Dante said:

+1

 

I feel like i suddenly dont have time for anything...  

heavy on this. Feels like im always busy working, but i feel like i dont have a life at all for anything 

[DanyelP23]

I don't know if it's the weather but I suddenly feel very weak.

I barely have the energy to move, and the cold outside does me no favors. I have just very little that ignites my spirit, or with the things that do ignite it, that flame goes away rather quickly.

[Dear Reader]

I thought that the anxiety episode that I had at the beginning of the year would be my lowest, but I fear I have never felt worse than I'm feeling right now. 

I just self-sabotaged what could've been the greatest relationship I've ever had cause I feel empty. I can't seem to develop feelings for anyone. It's so worrying to me. 

I need to start therapy but can't even feel motivated to work. 

[monologueNacafe]

I'm tired of living. I feel hopelessly stuck and I'm ******* exhausted.

[Bubble Tea]

Popping in to send you guys love. Being 32 now I feel like I've been through a lot of ups and downs and I remember periods where I felt really down and hopeless. The only support I can offer is to say you that truly life is seasonal and things can always change and improve. It's really important to maintain your health and social connections, absolutely paramount. Obviously you need money and certain things to survive but it's other people that bring you happiness, there is no happiness to be found alone.

[monologueNacafe]

Well, I'm alone, so

[Dear Reader]

14 minutes ago, Bubble Tea said:

Popping in to send you guys love. Being 32 now I feel like I've been through a lot of ups and downs and I remember periods where I felt really down and hopeless. The only support I can offer is to say you that truly life is seasonal and things can always change and improve. It's really important to maintain your health and social connections, absolutely paramount. Obviously you need money and certain things to survive but it's other people that bring you happiness, there is no happiness to be found alone.

Well, this kind of gave me a bit of hope tbh. I'm approaching 30 (in like 2 months) and I feel like I can't connect to people. Maybe I haven't found the right person, or whatever. I totally get what you're saying though, my sister and my friends are the most important people in my life and I wouldn't trade them for anything else.

 

Edit: Also, I'm having some scary thought about being only by myself and caring only about "me" first and I'm not sure that's the ideal approach to have.

Edited November 18 by Dear Reader

[Hollywood.]

As someone who is a few years away from their "four-zero" birthday, some additional old age advice is try to focus on the positive aspects of your life. There will always be challenges, and life will have its ups / downs. For example, do you have a safe place to sleep at night, can you have meals everyday and do you have a job. Not everyone is fortunate enough to have that. I know it can be hard, but try not to dwell on the negatives. You will get through those rough patches.

 

Also I hate how adult friendships go months without seeing each other. Life is so short and tomorrow is never promised. You are never too busy to see those you care. Ideally I'd like a friend group who sees each other twice a month. I unfortunately was reminded of this the hard way last year. 

 

Lastly, you are never alone. I'll always have open DM's if you need someone to talk to.

[Bubble Tea]

2 hours ago, Dear Reader said:

Well, this kind of gave me a bit of hope tbh. I'm approaching 30 (in like 2 months) and I feel like I can't connect to people. Maybe I haven't found the right person, or whatever. I totally get what you're saying though, my sister and my friends are the most important people in my life and I wouldn't trade them for anything else.

 

Edit: Also, I'm having some scary thought about being only by myself and caring only about "me" first and I'm not sure that's the ideal approach to have.

It's important to take care of yourself and to enjoy some alone time. I'm an extroverted introvert, people who know me at parties or from social gatherings would probably think of me as very upbbeat and social but in order to do so I need some quiet "me time" to read my books, listen to pop, watch movies and cook my food peacefully. Basically, it's okay to be by yourself at times but I know you're worried about ending up along permanently. The good news is there is no "end" and you could meet one amazing person, or multiple, any time. Life will get better

 

My life honestly is quite atomised, I have no family in my city and many of my closest friends have moved elsewhere. So it's important to foster to your social circle and nurture those friendships that mightn't be "core" but my god can a casual friend inviting you over for a board game night on an otherwise lonely Friday lift your spirits.

[Jotham]

On 11/18/2024 at 1:35 PM, Bubble Tea said:

Popping in to send you guys love. Being 32 now I feel like I've been through a lot of ups and downs and I remember periods where I felt really down and hopeless. The only support I can offer is to say you that truly life is seasonal and things can always change and improve. It's really important to maintain your health and social connections, absolutely paramount. Obviously you need money and certain things to survive but it's other people that bring you happiness, there is no happiness to be found alone.

Thanks for this.

 

This is what I'm trying to tell myself as well, that life comes in hills and valleys. Times are hard at the moment but I assure myself that things will get better as they always do.

[Torment]

Just need to vent for a minute. Putting this in a spoiler as it could be triggering.

 

Spoiler

I had one bad thing happen in regards to my health this year and now I get severe health anxiety. I also developed agoraphobia. I see a therapist for it. It all steams from this past spring where I ended up with a laced drink. I just remember these weird brain zaps out of nowhere. My heart began racing. I felt dizzy and sick. I told somebody and they called an ambulance for me. I stayed awake long enough to tell them what was going on before losing consciousness. Woke up in the hospital with a severe headache, fatigue and an elevated heart rate. That headache lasted for days from that. Out of all my years warning my fellow girlies to becareful it was me in the end it happened to. Also left me with a hefty ambulance bill that took me ages to pay off.
 

I do see a therapist. Think I've finally found a good one. I struggle to leave my house without getting panic attacks now. I also now think every health issue equals the end. I'm dying. I see the dermatologist tomorrow about a spot my doctor is concerned about. My anxiety is auto thinking it's melanoma. I've also been having other health concerns I'm going to mention to the derm as well as an allergist in two weeks. The drive to the derm will be the farthest I've left home in awhile so I'm praying I don't have a bad panic attack. And ofc anxiety and panic attacks mimic health issues so it's been learning that it's not a true health issue but anxiety that's happening to me. I really hate how this is what my life has turned into now. I never worried about dying, health issues or leaving my house this much in the past. I find myself wishing I could go back to how I was before. 
 

I hope at some point I can go back to having a normal life.

 

[JoeAg]

at work rn (it's my friday, and i'm off in just a few hours) and I was watching instagram stories and I stupidly watched the story of the guitarist who I used to be in a band with, and it was a video of the drummer who was in our band—who I f*cking introduced her to! I knew him from way back in the day on TUMBLR and I was actually the first person he knew in Colorado —and they made a new band without me and it makes me so sad and I get so f*cking triggered just thinking about that whole mess cause it was me and both of them and this other girl and me and that second girl were the songwriters and singers (we shared lead singer duty) and it's HER f*cking fault that I was kicked out of the band… f*cking assh*le. she never liked me, she was always looking for the soonest opportunity to drop me! she's the only one of the three of them who has me blocked. and the replacement for me in their new band is another queer bassist/singer and it's just so depressing! anyway, right after I watched that story I got a horrible knot in the back left of my neck so that's fun!

[monologueNacafe]

Spoiler

My self-esteem has always been pretty low but lately I just really feel like ****. One of my

mutuals from Twitter did not follow me back on Bluesky (when everyone made the switch) and now I'm feeling rejected, which is stupid and I shouldn't care. I even interacted with his account on there just in case it was an oversight but nope. I'm just too easily triggered.

 

I don't feel like I have a community that I really belong to. I met some new people last year through a mutual acquaintance/friend…we were hanging out but it seemed like they lost interest..probably because of my depression and reserved nature. 
 

im at the point now where i no longer put in more effort than the other party, so I've been seeing several "friendships" sinking over the last few years. 
 

And meeting men romantically seems to be impossible. The pool here is shallow and the apps are useless.

 

 

i wish I at least had a fulfilling career to throw myself into but I've been working dead end jobs that don't even utilize my education. And I'm just too depressed and disinterested in almost everything that the thought of going back to school for something that could actually lead to a successful career feels impossible.

 

[Claymore]

I'm at my lowest and don't know what do. Sober from drug addiction for a year now and I feel like a phantom, watching life but not participating in it.

Edited November 28 by Claymore