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Lee!!
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Sometimes the really simple things hit me the hardest and make me feel the worst about myself. I live in the UK and we had a mini heatwave yesterday, it was really hot and social media was full of pictures of groups of friends together enjoying the sunshine and I had no one even so much as text me let alone want to spend any time with me. So I sat indoors by myself all evening. Every evening I’m by myself. 

 

I know people say that “you need to be comfortable and happy spending time alone” but there’s a big difference between being alone and being lonely. Being alone is something you control and do by choice, it’s different when you want to turn to someone for companionship or a connection and there’s no-one there for you. And it’s not like I haven’t tried. I try and try and try and people just leave. I’m never anyones first choice and no one ever stays.

 

I feel like my life is passing me by and I’m missing out on so much. I just want people in my life to connect with and share experiences with and right now it seems impossible. Meh. 

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Working on getting evaluated for a dog to help with my on and off again depression 

Lettuce pray :gaycat6:

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I tried to keep myself busy today but I still ended up feeling lonely. It’s been quite hard for me today and I’m just sad all the time. I can’t wait to go to bed tonight and hopefully tomorrow will be a better day!

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I don’t think I see the point in life anymore. I’m not suicidal. I just don’t see the point. Every day is a never ending cycle of the same misery and I’m exhausted. I hate feeling this way and I hate the feeling of my life wasting away in front of me whilst everyone else moves forward. I don’t see this ever changing and I don’t see the point in trying. I just don’t want to do it anymore. I will never feel at peace or truly happy, something will always be missing. Again, I’m not suicidal. Meh.

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I don’t really feel any better today in fact I probably feel worse and I just feel more isolated and empty than ever before and I just hate these lonely nights. People keep telling me to speak to a doctor but I really don’t see the point. Speaking to a doctor is not going to change the fact that I’m alone and have no real friends and no life and feel like I have no purpose. I don’t know. I feel bad because people are trying to help but I feel like I’m past the point of help now and I don’t know what to do except just hope that this feeling passes and maybe I’ll start feeling happy again soon

 

Maybe medication is my only option I don’t know anymore 

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1 hour ago, tbhmatt said:

I don’t really feel any better today in fact I probably feel worse and I just feel more isolated and empty than ever before and I just hate these lonely nights. People keep telling me to speak to a doctor but I really don’t see the point. Speaking to a doctor is not going to change the fact that I’m alone and have no real friends and no life and feel like I have no purpose. I don’t know. I feel bad because people are trying to help but I feel like I’m past the point of help now and I don’t know what to do except just hope that this feeling passes and maybe I’ll start feeling happy again soon

 

Maybe medication is my only option I don’t know anymore 

You'll be alright, I promise :hug:.

 

I'm a little confused. You say you have people in your life trying to help you, so that means you do have people that care for you. Can I ask you, why do you still feel lonely?

 

Or do you have people in your life that are trying to help you, but they aren't really close to you, they don't ask you to do anything with them, they don' text or call you to ask you how you are, they won't tell you: "hey, it's your birthday tomorrow, wanna go out and eat something"? hence why you still feel lonely? 

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5 minutes ago, FancyStars said:

You'll be alright, I promise :hug:.

 

I'm a little confused. You say you have people in your life trying to help you, so that means you do have people that care for you. Can I ask you, why do you still feel lonely?

 

Or do you have people in your life that are trying to help you, but they aren't really close to you, they don't ask you to do anything with them, they don' text or call you to ask you how you are, they won't tell you: "hey, it's your birthday tomorrow, wanna go out and eat something"? hence why you still feel lonely? 

Yeah basically this, I’m not very good at expressing myself. I don’t actually have many friends, most of the people who have been trying to help me are just random strangers on grindr (lol) or whatever because I’ve been unable to hide how I feel anymore

 

ive deleted the app now because it’s not a healthy place to be with how I feel and I’m probably just going to delete all social media 

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Im in an episode again & all because i miss my ex. 
its been 1 year but i cant stop thinking bout him

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11 hours ago, tbhmatt said:

Yeah basically this, I’m not very good at expressing myself. I don’t actually have many friends, most of the people who have been trying to help me are just random strangers on grindr (lol) or whatever because I’ve been unable to hide how I feel anymore

 

ive deleted the app now because it’s not a healthy place to be with how I feel and I’m probably just going to delete all social media 

I feel you. I'm also in the same boat as you, that's why I can relate to your posts quite a lot.

One time I deleted WhatsApp for a month and guess what? Once I downloaded the app again, I had 0 messages, lol, and it's always like that.

It's hard, cuz you're right, every year we're getting older and you feel like life is passing you by and that you're a failure.

I also try to avoid social media cuz it's definitely hard seeing others going to parties, going to the movie theater, going to restaurants

and nobody bothers to invite you and you suffer when you look at all those pictures.

 

Hopefully, things can change for the better in the future. It's all about just keeping hope.

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5 hours ago, FancyStars said:

I feel you. I'm also in the same boat as you, that's why I can relate to your posts quite a lot.

One time I deleted WhatsApp for a month and guess what? Once I downloaded the app again, I had 0 messages, lol, and it's always like that.

It's hard, cuz you're right, every year we're getting older and you feel like life is passing you by and that you're a failure.

I also try to avoid social media cuz it's definitely hard seeing others going to parties, going to the movie theater, going to restaurants

and nobody bothers to invite you and you suffer when you look at all those pictures.

 

Hopefully, things can change for the better in the future. It's all about just keeping hope.

I think that there’s no hope for me anymore, sadly. I don’t see the point in trying anymore and I’ve given up now 

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I think that I should maybe call a doctor but I just don’t know if it’s worth it idk what to do 

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My professional life has been a complete disaster for the past year now. The only reason why I haven't completely lost it mentally is because my social life is alright and my physical health is going well.

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Battling depression since my childhood. I hate large crowds and I always do things solo; watch movies, go to book stores, eat at restaurants. When I make friends, I always shunned them out and never speak to them again. I had potentials to be in relationships but I always avoided because I felt like I’m too sad and weird :rip:

 

I always had an idea that things were going to get better when I’m more independent :deadbanana2:. But Instead they seem to be flaring up in my mind, ready to burst into chaos. I’m starting to drink heavily, have random hookups with strangers, spending way more time at work or in bed, and I’m steadily pushing away my family. I’ve decided to address these feelings with professional help but it’s just the commitment of doing it. So far I just made it to the parking lot.
 

After reading the replies, I’m sad but yet felt comfort knowing that there are other people who have similar circumstances . I love and support you all on your journey :heart2:

 

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I am more hurt and paraniod than I am depressed. 

The depression when you, genuinely, expect failure it evolves in a less severe level. 

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So I've been spending the past TWO MONTHS preparing for a new job - did interviews, took and aced preliminary exams (it was for a tutoring position), etc. The recruiter even offered me the position and was ready to welcome me to the team and then all of a sudden they suddenly forgot to tell me that it wasn't remote and they weren't hiring from my location so they withdrew the offer. :rip: I literally told them first thing where I was living so I assumed that it was either remote or that they would allow me to relocate. I know it might just be a complete misunderstanding but I'm so frustrated and I'm so anxious and depressed to start the job search again. :dancehall:

Edited by Jotham
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Meh I am exhausted still and I still don’t see the point in anything anymore. I hate being awake. The only part of the day I now look forward to is going to sleep. Every second I’m awake I can’t turn my brain off and I just want it to stop. I feel so empty and alone. Even things that I normally enjoy don’t help at the moment. 

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Just got put on a brand new medication (after trying 13 over the course of 3 1/2 years) still trying to find hope and the right fit but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't losing faith. Sending love to everyone here going through it, you're not alone.

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8 hours ago, tbhmatt said:

I don’t know what to do anymore

Get a doc appointment sis! Maybe they can guide you during these hard times :heart: 

 

Don't give up! 

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Been a week since I got a dog - something that I wanted to do for a long long time. At first it was rough because lil doggo and I don't click - or so I thought... But it's been really nice and it has definitely made my days better and it looks super happy too :heart2: 

 

It's crazy how I haven't had any intrusive thoughts this week. 

 

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Posted (edited)

My anxiety has been all consuming lately, I was seeing my GP about another issue but I thought I might as well talk about it then as I probably wouldn’t bother to otherwise. It just seems like the therapy I need is impossible to get on the NHS, mindfulness is gonna do nothing for me :rip:

 

2 months ago I had somewhat of a nervous breakdown and I’ve never felt the same since. Not that it was great before… I had a panic attack and it feels like my baseline anxiety level is just so much higher. I’m hyperfixating on my nose issues (my septum is very damaged and I had to have surgery 3 years ago, I have a deviated septum that’s unfixable and a hole in my nose like Stevie Nicks :rip:), and I’m just convinced it’s going to get worse, I’ve had a throat infection lately and that hasn’t helped… I haven’t had this kind of health anxiety since I was a kid. I just feel like it’s such a weird thing wrong with me that nobody can really relate to… breathing is never subconscious to me. I’m sure a lot of it is in my head but it’s scary.

 

That’s the problem that my brain is focusing on but I know it’s about more than just that. Feeling really stuck in life and slowly becoming more cynical and withdrawn and I hate that. I don’t know how to pull myself out of this when it’s so easy to have a negative thought and it suddenly cancels out all the good. I’ve been smoking weed for the past year but I’ve decided to quit, I smoked under pretty extreme stress and it’s never felt the same since. I wouldn’t say it’s weed’s fault because I have my own issues :rip: but it’s completely changed the effect it has on me, it’s not calming anymore. I tried to move to edibles but getting any kind of high from it just isn’t good for me.

 

Didn’t mean for this to turn into a rant but it’s 3:30am and I can’t sleep. I just find it really hard to concentrate on a movie or book and I just tend to browse until I can’t keep my eyes open anymore.

Edited by its_britney_bitch
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On 6/7/2022 at 4:39 PM, Wizard said:

deferring my exams cos i'm struggling bad atm :bam: 

well, i procrastinated these too :jonny3:

 

to think i’ve been a straight A student up to now, i feel so burnt out 

 

YZzWPef.gif

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7 hours ago, its_britney_bitch said:

My anxiety has been all consuming lately, I was seeing my GP about another issue but I thought I might as well talk about it then as I probably wouldn’t bother to otherwise. It just seems like the therapy I need is impossible to get on the NHS, mindfulness is gonna do nothing for me :rip:

 

2 months ago I had somewhat of a nervous breakdown and I’ve never felt the same since. Not that it was great before… I had a panic attack and it feels like my baseline anxiety level is just so much higher. I’m hyperfixating on my nose issues (my septum is very damaged and I had to have surgery 3 years ago, I have a deviated septum that’s unfixable and a hole in my nose like Stevie Nicks :rip:), and I’m just convinced it’s going to get worse, I’ve had a throat infection lately and that hasn’t helped… I haven’t had this kind of health anxiety since I was a kid. I just feel like it’s such a weird thing wrong with me that nobody can really relate to… breathing is never subconscious to me. I’m sure a lot of it is in my head but it’s scary.

 

That’s the problem that my brain is focusing on but I know it’s about more than just that. Feeling really stuck in life and slowly becoming more cynical and withdrawn and I hate that. I don’t know how to pull myself out of this when it’s so easy to have a negative thought and it suddenly cancels out all the good. I’ve been smoking weed for the past year but I’ve decided to quit, I smoked under pretty extreme stress and it’s never felt the same since. I wouldn’t say it’s weed’s fault because I have my own issues :rip: but it’s completely changed the effect it has on me, it’s not calming anymore. I tried to move to edibles but getting any kind of high from it just isn’t good for me.

 

Didn’t mean for this to turn into a rant but it’s 3:30am and I can’t sleep. I just find it really hard to concentrate on a movie or book and I just tend to browse until I can’t keep my eyes open anymore.

Hey, not sure if this helps, but you're not alone! :hug: I'm literally going through the same thing. Had a huge nervous breakdown (including multiple panic attacks) about three weeks ago and still recovering from it since. I recognize everything you're saying. I generally do have a more anxious and neurotic personality but under 'normal circumstances (e.g. when I'm ~more~ stable) I'm able to keep that under control. Now it's gone through the roof. I'm overthinking every little sensation in my body and for some reason my brain wants to relate it to every possible sickness there is. Also super fixated on death and what comes after :sad:

 

Anyway, my piece of advice, but you probably already know it: lay off the weed and other substances. I know it's really hard but you're more fragile/vulnerable in this state and weed will only worsen it. What really helped for me, and I say this knowing it's a cliché, but being in nature. Taking a few walks outside, listening to a podcast really did wonders for my anxiety.

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1 hour ago, Golden said:

Hey, not sure if this helps, but you're not alone! :hug: I'm literally going through the same thing. Had a huge nervous breakdown (including multiple panic attacks) about three weeks ago and still recovering from it since. I recognize everything you're saying. I generally do have a more anxious and neurotic personality but under 'normal circumstances (e.g. when I'm ~more~ stable) I'm able to keep that under control. Now it's gone through the roof. I'm overthinking every little sensation in my body and for some reason my brain wants to relate it to every possible sickness there is. Also super fixated on death and what comes after :sad:

 

Anyway, my piece of advice, but you probably already know it: lay off the weed and other substances. I know it's really hard but you're more fragile/vulnerable in this state and weed will only worsen it. What really helped for me, and I say this knowing it's a cliché, but being in nature. Taking a few walks outside, listening to a podcast really did wonders for my anxiety.

:hug: Thank you, I felt like I was just typing my thoughts into the void, it’s comforting to know I’m not the only one feeling like this.
 

I know what you mean about noticing every little thing in your body and catastrophising it. It’s like losing faith in your body to just do it’s job. And once you start feeling like that and start googling things and seeing extreme cases it’s really hard to stop. My doctor tried to comfort me by telling me that literally nobody lives in perfect health forever, and it oddly did help.
 

The health anxiety kind of forced me to stop smoking, which I guess is a silver lining. I’m looking into therapy finally. I’m gonna have to stop taking driving lessons to afford it but I figure I’d get more out of that. I don’t know if it’s a long-term solution as I do not have the money for private healthcare!

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I feel a bit numb today, I hope everyone else is doing good 

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